
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4327140.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Shameless_(US), Ian_Gallagher/Mickey_Milkovich_-_Fandom, gallavich_-
      Fandom
  Relationship:
      Ian_Gallagher/Mickey_Milkovich, Ian_Gallagher_&_Mickey_Milkovich, Mandy
      Milkovich/Mickey_Milkovich, Colin_Milkovich/Iggy_Milkovich, Collin
      Milkovich/Iggy_Milkovich/Mandy_Milkovich/Mickey_Milkovich, Ian_Gallagher/
      Mandy_Milkovich/Mickey_Milkovich, Iggy_Milkovich/Mickey_Milkovich, Mickey
      Milkovich/Colt, Mama_Milkovich/Terry_Milkovich, Debbie_Gallagher/Mickey
      Milkovich, Debbie_Gallagher/Ian_Gallagher, Debbie_Gallagher_&_Ian
      Gallagher, Debbie_Gallagher_&_Mickey_Milkovich, Debbie_Gallagher_&_Mandy
      Milkovich, Ian_Gallagher_&_Mandy_Milkovich
  Character:
      Mickey_Milkovich, Mandy_Milkovich, Ian_Gallagher, Iggy_Milkovich, Colin
      Milkovich, Mama_Milkovich, Original_Female_Character(s), Original_Male
      Character(s), Leah_Milkovich, Debbie_Gallagher, Lip_Gallagher, Fiona
      Gallagher
  Additional Tags:
      As_story_goes_on_tags_will_be_added, Gallavich_AU, Past_Child_Abuse,
      Trigger_Warnings, Past_Rape, Alcohol_Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug_Use,
      Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Swearing, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Sexual
      Tension, Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Destruction, mental_health, Mental
      health_disorder, Alternate_Universe, Dark, Falling_In_Love, Death_of_Mama
      Milkovich, Top_Mickey_Milkovich, Hurt_Mickey_Milkovich, Jealous_Ian
      Gallagher, Ex-Military_Ian_Gallagher, Background_Ian_Gallagher/Mickey
      Milkovich, Friendship/Love, violance, Sickness, Romance, Original
      Character(s), mention_of_rape, Dissociative_Identity_Disorder, Artist
      Mickey_Milkovich, Singer_Mickey_Milkovich, Friendship, Angst_with_a_Happy
      Ending, Heavy_Angst, Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder_-_PTSD, Anxiety
      Attacks, Sick_Mickey, Mickey_with_a_Mental_disorder, Emotional/
      Psychological_Abuse, Childhood_Sexual_Abuse, Past_Sexual_Abuse
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-07-12 Updated: 2017-06-18 Chapters: 35/36 Words: 316540
****** I know who I am.... Don't I ? ******
by Moya_Rozum_is_a_beautiful_Disaster13
Summary
     Mickey Milkovich was a young adult who still was sometimes a child at
     heart but none the less a hard working individuals who owns a few
     well-known Auto Garage Shop and a few clubs with his siblings. Mickey
     has a boy friend who he cares for and is trying to decided the next
     step in their relationship. All the while with dealing with a few
     things he feel is minor. With the constant headache hes been getting
     and him being exhausted all the time Mickey figures its just stress.
     What is stressing him he is trying to figure it out. Flashes of
     memories sometime invades his dreams and he figures they are just
     dreams. One day a certain red head runs into him and his world starts
     to slowly turn around doing a complete circle, that not only reveals
     secret of his past, but a past his brothers and sister did not want
     him to remember let alone deal with. Mickey is in for a run of his
     life as it starts to fall apart and his life come crashing down as he
     tries to figure out who he is and who he will be.
Notes
     Please let me know what you think I promise I will try to update
     every other day or week does depend on my schedule for work. You can
     also find me on Tumbler for any suggestions or anything really Mecha-
     imabeautfuldisater. Please note this is my first time doing a smut so
     im no sure if its good, well its not my first time but my first time
     writing one on my own and not helping someone with one. This is my
     first fic that I am writing by myself I usually help other out and
     wring a little for them but not much. so here is my attempt. Please
     note that I didnt have a lot of dialogue on this chapter being its
     chapter one so I hope that is not a bad thing for anyone. There will
     be more and I hope you all like it. There will be mention of many
     things in the future that may cause triggers and some subjects will
     be very intense, but please be sure I write from experience of
     personal life and that of a friend of mines.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Since he could remember, which isn't much; but being that he doesn’t remember
much of his Childhood or even some of his teenage years that isn't all too bad.
Right? Well for Mickey it isn’t really. He doesn't always seem to think of it
as a bad thing. Since Mickey could remember, he was always taken cared of. He
had a roof over his head, his own room, food, clothes, and all that good shit.
Collin had been his and Mandy’s Legal Guardian since Mickey was 14 years old.
Mandy was 16 in a half, and Iggy had just turned 18 years old.
 
Mickey doesn’t remember what happened to his dad, but his name is never
mentioned. Collin was 22 years old when he was given custody of both his
siblings Mickey and Mandy; he had just opened up the Southside Auto shop at the
time. It was a small shop back then, but it was income for him and his
siblings. Collin went to school for Mechanical Engineering and was able to open
up the shop from nothing. But with a business loan and hard work, he made it
into something big.
 
Sometimes when Mickey tries to think of his dad Terry; memories come to him.
Not the good ones, but weird ones. Memories such as him being slapped, or
punched by his dad for no reason. But there are some memories of Terry actually
being nice to Mickey and that’s what Mickey can’t understand as to why. Like
why does his dad tell him he did a good job? Those memories use to keep him up
a night, now there nothing more than a dream to him. He remembers sometimes
seeing his older brothers and Terry get into fights mostly because Terry would
always pick on Mickey.  He would yell at Mickey and blame him for their mother
not being there.
 
See the thing is, Mickey never met his mother. Mama Milkovich or Michelle,
which was her name died from complication due to childbirth. Mickey never got
to know what the love of a mother was; sadly this would be the result of
Terry’s hate for him and much more that Mickey ends up learning later on.
Mickey can sometimes remember Collin fighting with Terry whenever Terry tried
to lay a hand on any of them all, especially Mickey or Mandy since they looked
so much like their mother. Mickey had his mother’s eyes and smile, which Terry
hated. So Mickey learned early on in life never to smile around Terry or even
look him directly in the eyes. Between him and Mandy they both had Jet-black
hair like their mother, same eyes and all. Sometimes, just sometimes, Mickey
use to be told that just by looking at him or Mandy that they could see their
mom. Many times Mickey wished he had met his mom or that she would have lived.
Turns out, Collin would tell him that even Terry would lay his hands on her,
but she always fought him back, which made it worse on her sometimes. Their
mother was a fighter and Mickey was always so proud of that.
 
Their mother was in the military and retired from the Marines. Yup! She was a
strong woman alright, but how she managed to land Terry as a husband Mickey
will never know. The name Terry or dad is never mentioned around the house, nor
will any of his older siblings talk about him. Even if Mickey where to mention
Terry sometimes, not a word is said. Mickeys learned to deal with it and
doesn’t really care about his father. As far as he’s concerned Terry was dead,
that’s what he always figured being that Collin had custody of him and Mandy
since he was younger. As much as he can remember which is not a lot, he hated
Terry and for some reason when he even thinks of him, he starts to get bad
headaches. Until he wills them away or just stop thinking of his dad or the
name Terry.
 
For some reason, oddly Mickey has been getting more headaches recently and has
been waking up more and more exhausted. Waking up tired has become something he
was use to over the years; however it was happening more and more often. Mickey
could never figure out why was it that he would go to bed early, and still wake
up tired. Apparently having 8 hours of sleep doesn’t really do it for him, not
even 12 hours, and he’s still tired. He didn’t know why, but he figured that he
just wasn’t getting enough sleep or rest at least. Whatever the hell it was; he
was starting to become annoyed with it. However he just assumed it was work or
his relationship stress, whatever the fuck it was that made him feel like he
was getting no sleep whatsoever.
 
Was it stressed? He didn’t know, he knew it wasn’t money issues he was well
off. And by well-off he was given a trust fund by his older siblings when he
was younger. He never knew why, but they always told him that this was his
money and that he never had to work in his life. So when Mickey turned 18 and
was granted access to his money, he wanted to invest in his older brothers Auto
Garage shop. Helping him Iggy and Mandy expand the business was something he
wanted, and they ended up owning a few auto shop garages now. Southside Auto’s
was known around, if you wanted your car fix from the best you went here. New
or old and classic they did it all. They mostly owned many of their shops in
Chicago and some even in New York.
 
Mickey always had a thing for music and dancing; however he never would dance
in front of no one, and he kind of couldn’t really dance at all. Hence him
never dancing in front or around anyone, so nope that wasn’t for him. However
he loved the party rave scene and techno house music was his thing. But he just
never danced and all he ever did was listen to the music and view others
enjoying themselves. So along with being co-owner of a well-known auto shop
business with all of his siblings; He and Mandy owned a few club in New York
that was taking the scene by storm.
 
Mandy being the one who got her Master degree in Business and minored in
accounting, always made sure everything was good and flowing. The books were
good, money was coming in and both his business made him more than okay
financial. So Mickey knew that money couldn’t be stressing him out, and that
the Auto shops were doing well along with the clubs he and Mandy owned. So why
was he not getting enough rest? That was the question he was thinking of. Why
was he always tired, even when he slept early? Another thing was all of these
headaches he was starting to get more of. Why would he get headaches sometimes
even after he took painkillers? He started to wonder about it, but then left
the thought alone.
 
Then he thought to himself that maybe it was work. Was it work? Did that make
cause him to be exhausted event after getting the right amount of sleep he was
supposed to? Was it family? What the fuck was it; he didn’t know. One thing he
was sure of was that working at the garage was one thing that wasn’t making him
this exhausted. He loved to work at the garage. For some reason Mickey likes to
go to work and work with his hands. That weird isn't? Even though his brother
told him he didn’t have to work and that he could practically live at home and
do nothing at all and still get paid. But that wasn’t Mickey. He tried that for
a week and he didn’t last not even two days before he said fuck it and went to
the main office of Southside Auto Shop and put on a pair of overalls and start
working on any car that needed work on.
 
To this day he can never understand why his brothers would prefer him to just
piss off and do nothing while they went to work every day and did work. So why
couldn’t he? Being the youngest Milkovich he always felt as if they were so
careful around him for some reason and he never knew why. Since he could
remember he thought money was never a problem, so it was like they wanted him
to just live his life and be carefree with no responsibilities, and just let
them take care of him. Fuck that! Mickey didn't want his two older brother and
older sister taking care of him because he was the youngest of them all. He
could take care of himself, he didn’t need to be baby by anyone.
                                     *****
Mickey starting to wake up every morning with a headache and for some reason is
was getting worse, but it didn’t affect his normal day routine. A normal day
for Mickey was him getting up from bed as he is doing right now. Making himself
a cup of coffee, doing his morning push up and sit-ups then making himself
breakfast. Then of course typically he goes, takes a shower and head out to the
office. He would either go in his car or motorcycle bike, which to him was his
one and only girlfriend.
 
As soon as he would get into the shop, Mickey would quickly get himself
situated. Looking over what needed to be ordered for the shop. Always double
checking with Iggy real quick on things. Then he would go put on his overalls
and get to work on any car that needed repairing or looked over. Sometimes
Mandy would even be caught wearing overall working on a few cars because well
that’s what they all did. They were good at. Mandy was mostly always in the
office but whenever she was working on cars, it was message of saying she
needed to get away from the office for a while. Iggy preferred to work in the
office mostly but if need be he would be out their handling customer as well at
either location in Chicago. Collin handled all of the Southside Auto shops in
New York, which meant he lived out there with his wife and daughter. He would
visit Chicago every two weeks to obviously check up on things in Chicago, but
also to see his siblings.
 
Mickey always enjoyed seeing his niece and his brother and his wife. So it’s
not like family was a stress factor here. So what the fuck was it? Mickey’s
problem is one he knew he could handle. Being exhausted, the lack of energy
sometimes, and even his random headaches, he was going to have to figure out on
his own. He did think about that maybe it was his relationship issues he was
having. Mickey thought about how he and Colt have been drifting apart, with
each of their work schedules being a conflict; and also with Mickey and his
feelings towards Colt. He cared for him of course he did, but in a way he
didn’t romantically love him yet. It was complicated; in fact he wasn’t in love
with Colt at all and never told him he was. Even though Colt would always tell
him he loved Mickey. Mickey couldn’t say it back. Colt was a nice guy; he's
tall, with a light, caramel skin complexion, blue eyes and dark brown hair.
He’s 27 years old, older than Mickey who is only 22.
 
Colt is more of a safe kind of person, not really adventurous type, more of the
laid back kind of person, never got into trouble and is somewhat of a snob at
times. But safe is what Mickey always felt like he needed for some reason, but
also kind of hated it in a way as well, yet he never knows why. The sex with
Colt was okay not the best but okay, and Mickey managed to get laid when he
needed it. What Mickey would say was that Colt was the best at giving  head
hands down . Colt likes to bottom a lot and Mickey was okay with it, he just
wished they would switch from time to time, I mean couples do that right?
 
Lately however their sex life was mostly now of hand jobs, or groping one
another to get the other off faster, and they had sex once in a while and not
like they used to. Mickey still found Colt attractive and felt like he could
settle down with him and learn to love him. Colt was a good guy, who wanted to
take care of Mickey and love him. So Mickey would think why not right? But
Mickey just wasn’t ready for the whole marriage thing. Too big of a commitment
for him. Shit, he and Colt have been going out for 3 years and they haven’t
even moved in together or discussed it. And that was definitely okay with
Mickey, because he didn't want to give up his Loft that he owned. He had two
places, one here in Chicago and the other in New York on the Upper East Side of
Manhattan which he loved. Especially when the sun would be going down or coming
up and he always loved to look at the city. This is why he loved his downtown
loft apartment in Chicago. The view was always amazing for him.
 
The 3 bed room apartment Loft he has in Chicago is his bachelor pad, that he
refused to give up. Now I know what you’re wondering, why three bedrooms? Well
Mickey always told whoever the fucked asked that one room was his gaming room,
the other his own bedroom and the last his Office or art/music studio so to
speak. Even though he didn’t know how to paint or draw for shit. Who knows
maybe one day he will learn right? It’s only fair, and for some reason he felt
like he needed it.
 
Mickey and Colt relationship was serious just not extremely serious. If you can
say so. Being together for three years yes, but moving in together was
something Mickey was ready for but also wasn’t ready for in a way. Colt would
stay over sometimes; he did have a few of his clothes in Mickey’s apartment and
did have a tooth brush and soap there for when he stood over. So yeah that was
as far as it was to him and Colt living with each other. Yet not so living with
each other. And they were content with that. Either Colt stayed with Mickey
sometimes or Mickey would stay with Colt in his apartment. Colt works in the
hospital as a nurse and a lot of the time his schedule changes and he mostly
gets the night shifts.
 
So recently Mickey was thinking about asking Colt to move in with him, but then
again something in his mind always said no. Maybe this was the reason he felt
like he never got any sleep and would get headaches? Or maybe it was the lack
of sex he was not getting recently. That’s a funny thought right? Either way he
would eventual figure it out, or maybe it would go away in time. If it was Colt
and that was an issue it wouldn’t be for long, because whenever something
happened between them, things always managed to fall back to place with Colt.
At least that’s what he thinks.
 
Well it was time for work and he would rather work on a car at the shop then
worry over something he thinks will eventually pass. I mean it always does…
doesn’t?
                                 ************
 It’s Friday morning and Mickey is doing his regular routine. Early morning
workout, shower, breakfast, coffee and getting ready to head out for work. Only
thing is; is that he’s not going to work this morning. He calls Mandy and Iggy
and lets them know that he wants to surprise Colt at his apartment and fuck.
Well he doesn’t telling about the whole fucking thing, but yeah he wants to
spend time with his boyfriend and he’s sure they can figure out what he means.
Yeah Mickey wanted it, and he was going to get it, one way or another.
 
Mickey arrived at Colts apartment and lets himself in with his key. Colt was in
the shower so Mickey knew this was the perfect time to get on his boyfriend and
show him how much he missed him. Undressing himself quickly, Mickey opens the
door to the bathroom and stepped in. For some reason Colt must have heard
Mickey because the curtain to the showers was open and he was stroking himself
and giving Mickey a lustful smirk. Mickey couldn’t help but looked amused at
Colt, and then grab his boyfriends hard dick and stroke it as he was kissing
him deeply. Colt wrapped his arms around Mickey as they were making out in the
shower, then he latched his mouth onto his neck and began sucking on Mickey’s
neck just the way he likes it.
 
Colt then dropped down to his knees and without a second takes Mickeys cock
into his mouth and began sucking him hard and good. Swerving his tongue on
Mickey cock and bobbing his head up and down. Mickey threw his head back
against the tile and grabbed a hand full of Colts hair tightly. While Colt
continued to suck him off, Mickey started to thrust and fuck Colts face. Colt
then deep throat Mickey, and Mickey was panting fast and telling Colt how good
he was.  “Just like that baby…Hmmm yeah keeping doing it like that… Fuck” said
Mickey. Colt kept using his tongue and then released Mickey from his mouth with
a ‘pop’. He looked up at Mickey and was sucking on the tip of his dick and
smiling. “You like that don’t you?” Colt said.
 
Mickey Nodded his head and said “Fuck Yes” in a moaning sound as Colt continued
to suck on the tip of his dick. Colt then stood up and turned around so that
his back was facing Mickey and then began to grind on Mickey dick and said.
“You know what I like?” Grinding harder he said in a breathless voice “For you
to fuck me hard and rough. You think you can do that for me baby….. Fuck me
hard now just how I like it.” Just with that Mickey grabbed Colt and bent him
over and started prepping him. He wet his fingers with his mouth and then
pushed two fingers into Colt, not bothering to start with one finger. He was
scissoring him nice and good and then the third one was slicked in nice and
smooth making Colt jolt up and moan Mickeys name. Colt can’t help but beg for
more as Mickey is stretching his hole nice and good. Then Mickey takes his hard
cock and slicks it into Colt as he is bent down over the bathtub.
 
Mickey could care less as he pushes hard into Colt and starts to open him more
as his cock is buried deep in Colt. Mickey slammed into Colt making him nearly
scream out in pleasure as he was hitting his prostate. Colt was moaning loud
and screaming with pleasure with ever thrust and every hit of Mickey cock
hitting his prostate. The constant thrusting was making Colt’s thighs violently
shake as he was moaning more and screaming Mickeys name. Good thing his
neighbors worked in the morning. Mickey was lost and he kept on thrusting in
deep and harder just thrusting; Colt was jerking himself while making sure he
balanced himself with one hand leveling himself on the bathtub edge. Hitting
his Climax Colt was already done, but Mickey wasn’t finished. It was as if he
wasn’t even himself while he was pounding into Colt even harder and faster and
erratically now. Making Colt almost fall over and making his legs feel like
jelly.
 
Mickey was lifting Colt up and moved him and pinned him at the corner of the
shower, having one hand on his hip and the other on Colt’s shoulder. At this
point Colt was whimpering and moaning cries of pleasure with every thrust
Mickey makes, hitting his sensitive sweet spot. Then soon Mickey is reaching
his climax but as he is cumming with moaning sounds he’s slightly confused, as
he is on cloud nine. When he’s done Colt looks at him with hazy eyes and kisses
him lazy and sloppy. “You have never fucked me like that. That was new.” Colt
said Mickey’s still dazed from it all and looks at Colt and smiles. Yet for
some reasons he’s confused and nervous but doesn’t say or let Colt know.
Instead he says, “Yeah well you loved it didn’t you? Maybe next time you can
fuck me like that and then you’ll know exactly how I feel right now.”
 
Colt smirks and says “Maybe; maybe not depends on how I’m feeling, you know I
prefer you to Be fuck me more than me fucking you” in a playful manner then
kisses him again and gets out the shower after he has made sure all of Mickey’s
semen is out of him. “Hey. You coming out or are you going just stand there in
the water and prune up” Colt says
 
Mickey looks at him again and give him a smile “What? No I’m going to wash up,
I’ll be with you in a minute okay.” Mickey says
 
“Okay” Colt simply says and walks out the bathroom.
 
Mickey stares at where Colt was standing, silently freaking the fuck out about
how he had no idea how he went from starting to feel up Colt getting one hell
of a blow job and then all of a sudden he’s cumming with no memory of pinning
him to the shower wall. They fucked for a good 45 minutes and Mickey can only
remember Colt grinding on him and then it’s like he blanked out. “What the
fuck” he whispers to himself trying hard to remember but then starts to get a
headache so he stops. After he washes up he gets out of the bathtub, but
suddenly he stop and looks at himself in the mirror. What he sees is nearly
freaking him out, because right now what Mickey sees can’t be.
 
In A confused yet frighten voice Mickey breaths out “WHAT THE FUCK!”
***** What the F*ck? *****
Chapter Summary
     How could Mickey not remember yesterday....
Chapter Notes
     Okay so the Italic font is Mickey thinking in head. This chapter is
     longer, so I hope you like it. Again please do leave your comments
     and let me know what you think. if there are any ideas you want me to
     put in there let me know. I kinda introduced my favorite red head but
     I promise there will be interaction soon with Ian, but Ian and who
     you'll have to read to find out.
As he walked away from the club floor off from the stage and away from the lap
dances he just gave, he was thinking to himself.  Hmm what's today day? Ah yes
today that’s right it’s Wednesday. March 8 th . Today that mother fucker better
have my money or I’m gonna break his fucking hands.”  He walked up to the
bounce “Hey Griff I need your help.”
 
“ What do you need man?”  Griff said
“I need to collect, do me a solid and Collect the money and keep 50 percent you
know that deal, leave the rest and slip it in my locker .”
“ No Problem who is it? Is it the same guy like last time?"  Griff said while
cracking his knuckle and face serious and ready for a fight.
“ Yup and he’s over there. ” He pointed to short guy dark skin guy with dark
brown hair. “ After I knock his teeth in just ask for the money and do the
rest, I have to go get change my shifts over.”
The 5’7 built guy walked over to the short dark skin guy. He tapped him on his
shoulder and punched him dead in his face with a left hook. The guy short guy
stubble back in pain and had the fear in his eye.
“Do your thing Griff. ” He mumbled to Griff and walked off to the back.
“Hey dick breath where Nick’s money? ” was all he heard and laughed when he
heard another punch and a scream from behind him.
He walked into back of the changing room in the club. He’s wearing nothing but
black and gold booty short. He had just finished give 5 lap dance and made
about $250 bucks easy. But he needed his that was owed to him and he didn’t
feel like fighting today, which is why he asked Griff to do him a favor. Anyway
besides that, he usually prefers to work on the stages; better tips and more
free time to be free on the dance floor. Moving to the music was something he
always loved, which always gave him satisfaction. But his shift over so he goes
to his stations and sits down and is slightly exhausted yet energized. He grabs
his bag and takes out his pop tarts and starts to eat it.
 Walking towards him is Jeff another dancer.  “Can you believe that assholes
out there. He thought he was going to get a free lap dance. What an ass! And he
had the fucking balls to ask me if I can break a 50, then he was humping my
leg, and then fucking cam, what an asshole”
“Oh come the fuck on man, me and Nick are trying to eat here.” Alex said to
Jeff while eating his sandwich before going back out on stage he supposes.
 
Nick laughed at his co-workers.  “Yeah well that what you get for giving lap
dances to cheap assholes. See you gotta find the ones with the wedding rings on
their fingers or with the tanned line on their ring finger”  He say while
wiggling his ring finger.  “They’re the ones that will pay the most, because
they don’t get none at home from their wives because their deep in the closet.
And they’re willing to pay big bucks especially if you go with them into the
VIP rooms.”  Saying with a smug smirk on his face; Nick was very blunt with
what he said and didn’t give a fuck who like it or didn’t.
“That gross but true”  Alex said “Plus they give you lots of party favors if
you want to make it easier I guess.” He shrugged his shoulders as he told Jeff
all this
Nick took out his joint and lit it up nodding and agreeing with Alex.
“Hey Nick you want some.”  Alex said while lining up the coke up on his table
station.
Nick nodded his head as he spoke “hmmm, nah not today, I told you I’m trying to
lay off that shit.”  Nick said with the joint in his mouth.
Alex offered Jeff some but he said no. Then Jeff turned to Nick and asked  “It
gets better right?...I mean when I went out there I felt like I was going to
pass out or even worse throw up.”  See Jeff was the new guy and young like Nick
and Alex; however Nick and Alex have been doing this for a while so they know
the ropes.
Nick looked at Jeff and turned his body to him and said with a serious yet soft
tone. “ See this is what I do. I close my eyes and let the music take me. I
hear it and I let it take over me. Move with it while I’m dancing and not pay
attention to the old geriatric fucks out there. It’s like I’m on the outside of
the world just watching. Like I’m not there and like they’re not there watching
me. Think of it as if you’re watching yourself from the outside.”  He then
places a kiss on Jeff lips and turns back to his seat.  “It works for me.”  He
said smiling looking at Jeff up and down.
 
Jeff saw the way Nick looked at him and smiled back. Nick got up went to the
bathroom and right behind him was Jeff. He led him to the bathroom stall and
then threw him up against the stall and started kissing his neck. J eff got
down on his knees and pulled Nicks booty shorts off and took him into his
mouth. Nick heads fell back with his eyes closed tight and mouth open. Jeff
sucked him hard and moaned around Nicks cock. Nick grabbed his hair and started
to fuck Jeff’s mouth and then within a few second later a hot liquid was being
poured down Jeff throat.  Jeff got up and went to lean in and kiss Nick, but he
moved face and shook his head.
“Sorry Jeffery man I don’t kiss and..." (Nick didn't have any nice way of
putting words to shit he thought so he told the truth) ah your head game was
not all that by the way”  Nick then walked out of the stall and readjusted
himself and went back to his station. He looked back at him and said
“What…what the fuck you want?”
“You’re not gonna leave me hanging are you?”  Jeff said with an irritated
voice.
Nick laughed and walked over to his chair and put his sweat pants on and
sweater. He looked at Jeff and said.  “What the fuck do you think newbie? That
I’m just gonna suck you off or fuck you or what let you kiss me?… HA! Suck my
dick bitch ”… then in a sarcastic manner Nick says  “O wait you just did.”
Nick goes gets his backpack and heads to walkout the back door and give the
Jeff the middle finger.
“Fuck you; you asshole!”  Jeff shouts but Nicks already out the door and
walking further into the club.  He loves dancing and being at the club at night
dancing like nobody's watching is what he loves.
But now Nick was horny and was looking for a good fuck for that night. Just
like the night before and the night before that night. His eye landed on a tall
redhead guy who was at the bar drinking.  He looked sexy from Nick’s view, so
Nick went towards the bar and sat next to the redhead.  “Hey you; you here by
yourself.” Nick said flirting with this guy.
 
The redhead looked at him and chuckled and went back to his drink. Nick raised
his eyebrows and nodded his head slowly to himself. Nick thought to himself;
Okay so this guy wants to play hard to get. I like that .  Hmm I wonder?   “ So
you either came here with someone and don’t want to talk to me or you’re having
a bad day and just want to get wasted.”
The redhead snorts and shook his head but said nothing, so Nick continued to
talk to him.  “But you see if you did come here to get wasted then you could
have done it at any bar or simply went to the store and got yourself a bottle
and drink away whatever the fuck is wrong with you…. Am I right? ”
Nick smiled at the guy and the redhead just looked at him with amusement. So he
continued and leaned closed to the redhead and spoke close and lowly in his ear
“So why don’t you and I. Get the fuck outta here and have our own fun. I can
give you a private dance. Free of charge of course…and anything else you want
can be free of charge.”
 The redhead look at him now and Nick got instantly got lost in his big green
eyes. But these eyes were sad; they weren’t there for fun of any kind. There
were more of lost and dead like as if the guy did want to forget. For some
reason Nick step back took the drink from the redhead’s hand, grab his hand so
he was looking at him more. Then he said to the redhead  “My names Nikolai,
Nick for short.”
The red stood up, and yup Nick was right he was tall and had nice muscles.  He
smiled and looked Nick up and down and leaned in towards Nick and said in a
lowly heavy voice  “No”.  Then walked off away from Nick, but not before
turning around to look back and see Nick standing there in a shocked gazing at
him. The redhead smiled and waved bye to Nick, but then blew a kiss at him, and
walked out the door. Nick smiled and laughed to himself.
 
“Okay red…you wanna play that game. I’m down for the play. ” Nick told himself.
He went and got a shot of whiskey and walked out after the redhead.
 
========================================================================
You see if you were to go to sleep one night or one morning, and awake to find
that by some unknown reason you were transported into a dark cold room.  The
rational mind has come to teach us that we would think of 1 of only 5 possible
explanations. 1 being that you have to be dead that can explain it... right? 2
being that maybe your dreaming and that this is all but a fucked up dream. 3
maybe someone has played a fucked up trick on you and it’s not real none of
this is real. 4; being that shit maybe you are crazy, or it can be you having a
bad trip on some shit you took. And finally 5 being that you really are in a
dark cold room.  
The last thing Mickey remembers was lying down with Colt after he got out the
shower from his minor freaked out. What he saw in the mirror could have not
been right. But this, this was weird, how did he go from going to bed with
Colt, to right now being in his art studio room looking at a painting he was
doing. Mickey put his paintbrush down and looked at the painting. The painting
was of a redhead with green eye, beautiful and pale, high cheekbones so defined
yet Mickey had no idea who this was that he painted.
“What the fuck? I’m home." Mickey walked out the room and said "Colt… Colt are
you here?” Mickey walked out the room and it was dark. Everything was dark and
his apartment was cold. He went to turn on the thermostat and the lights on.
His stomach growled so he went to the kitchen to make himself something to eat.
He was getting a headache again and decided to take some aspirin.  
He was home alone by himself. He heard his phone ringing and went to toward it.
There it was on top of the coffee table. He had over 10 miss calls from Mandy
20 from Collin alone and 10 from Iggy. Even Colt called him and text him.
Colt: Mick where are you? You left and didn’t say bye.
Colt: Mick pick up your phone your brothers and sister called me saying you
didn’t go to work?
Mandy: Mickey what the fuck where are you?
Mandy: If you didn’t want to come to work you should have called dumbass.
Mandy:  Mickey seriously where the fuck are you? I’m coming over to the house
open the door.
Mandy: Mickey where are you? You’re not home?
Mandy: alright shit head if your ass does not fucking call me Ima have the
whole fuck state of Chicago find your ass. Collin and Iggy are fucking freaking
the fuck you; you’re not answer the phone. Where are you?
Collin: Mickey hey pick up.
Collin: Mickey where are you? Mandy said you’re not home.
Collin: Mickey seriously pick up the phone!
Collin: MICKEY! MICKEY
Collin: Mikhailo Alexis Milkovich I swear to god if you do not fucking call me
I’m gonna kill you I find you. YOU’RE WORRYING ME! PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE
NOW!
“Oh shit!” Mickey said. Collin never uses his real name unless he is beyond
pissed or worse worried as hell to a point where he would kill him. Without a
second thought Mickey calls Collin.
 “Hello Mickey! What the fuck? Are you okay, is there anything wrong? Mickey
are you there? Mickey!” Collin was practically shouting over the phone like a
lunatic.
“Jesus! Collin I’m here what the fuck?...I’m fine I’m okay. What’s up? Why is
everyone calling my phone and texting me as if no one’s heard from me in a few
weeks or some shit! I only took off today to spend time with Colt. Mandy text
me saying I didn’t go to work but I told Iggy and her I wasn’t coming in
today.” Mickey said to Collin over the phone
“Mickey” then there was silence over the phone. Then Collin spoke. “That was a
few days ago man. You told them that Friday and its Tuesday. The last time Colt
heard from you, was Friday morning he said. And that was when he last saw you.
He said when he woke up you weren't there. So where the fuck have you been?”
Collin asked him
“What!?” No that couldn’t be right Mickey thought “No… I mean I fell asleep in
his bed after he fell asleep and then…” Mickey said trailed off then stood
silent trying to remember how he even got to his apartment.
“Then what Mick? Cause you're not home. Mandy went by to your place and you
weren't there. So where the fuck did you go that you couldn’t answer your phone
or text your brothers and sister that you are okay.” Collin sounded more
worried than annoyed over the phone. And Mickey felt bad, because his brother
did so much to take care of him, and here was mickey making him stress over him
like he always did.  Mickey hated it, but he knew that was Collin way of being
worried and always has been since he could remember.
“Collin… I’m-I’m-I’m” He started to stutter, “I’m Home, I was in my art studio,
you sure Mandy came here and check the apartment?”
“Mickey we all went there, me Iggy and Mandy, we search the apartment to try
and find you since the place is fucking huge but you weren’t there.” Collin was
silent then continued when Mickey said nothing.  “Look baby bro, if you were
with someone that fine you know I won’t tell Colt. That’s your life, your
business, but you can’t just disappear like that on us man. We worry about
you.” Mickey was silent then he spoke. “I’m not cheating on Colt okay. I
wouldn’t do that to him”
“Hey, no one is saying that you are, I just figured since we couldn’t get a
hold of you. I mean I had went through some of your stuff to see if you left a
clue as to where you were at and I found your bank statements. I saw charges on
your card at the Four Seasons hotel downtown, I just assumed okay… Hey even I
sometimes need to get away and I even turn off my phone and just get in the car
and drive around but not for almost 4 to 3 days Mickey. You really scared the
shit out of me and Mandy she gonna fuck you up.”
Mickey was silent and confused. When the fuck did he go to the Plaza? “Yeah
no…um you said you check my statements.”
“Yeah man you should really shred that shit if you don’t want Colt to check
them and assume shit. I mean Mickey you said you don’t have no one else on the
side but uh the Fours season hotel? Well we called there and they said that
your card was charged and you were with someone but you left. Again I’m not
judging man your young I know just next time fucking call us okay.”
Mickey looked at the phone like his brother was crazy and shook his head. There
was no way he was at the Four Seasons hotel downtown…right? “Look I’m sorry
Collin, it ah, It won’t happen again okay. Um I’m gonna go shower and lay down
and rest, but I’m Home okay so don’t worry.”
 “Okay man I’ll let Mandy and Iggy know, and I guess call Colt when you can
okay.”
“um yeah okay sure.” Mickey said slowly and unsure of what his brother was
telling him about the hotel and the charges. He hung up the phone and went to
his computer and login in to his bank account. He was confused at what he was
seeing, charges to the hotel where there clear as day, and they went back
months. He honestly didn’t check his accounts often. He owned his apartments,
he paid for his light and heating billing every month by check, he used his
card for supplies, his insurance, food, and other things he needed but hotels
no.
 ************************
He quickly got his keys and walked out the house as fast as he can. He text
Colt saying he was home and not to worry that he would see him later or call
him tonight. Colt didn’t text Mickey back so he figured he was busy at work or
maybe on his way to work. Driving to the Hotel Mickey was angry, pissed off and
annoyed at the fact that he couldn’t remember anything. He parked his car and
got out and walked into the Hotel. He was greeted by a young woman who knew him
by his last name. She was short, blond hair with light brown eyes. “Hi Mr.
Milkovich how can we help you again today?"
"Excuse me do I know you?" Mickey looked at her like she was crazy.
She looked slightly surprised but smile and said “Of course you do, you’ve been
coming here for about I want to say close to 5 month with your hot guy friend.
The redhead one! Where is he by the way if you don’t mind me asking? You guys
are always together” she said to Mickey
Mickey decided to play along and see how far he can go with getting information
out of the young woman without looking like he was crazy. Because for some
reason even though he has never met her, she seems to know him and now she said
he’s been coming here for month apparently. That was new information to him,
even with his bank statement saying so; and with a red head?  “Um he’s not here
actually. I ah, I wanted to ask if someone can help me out… See um my card was
charged extra and I don’t quite remember somethings that are charged on there
and when I was looking at my last card statement it was charged on there as
well. For two rooms actually and from what I know I only use 1 room.  So is it
possible for you or someone to look up my records from the very first day I
came here. So that way I can let the bank know and they can fix it. I’m sure it
was a mistake on their end or maybe someone stole my information from the front
desk.” Mickey said to her
Her eyes widen and she was slightly shocked, she nodded her head and then
proceeded to look up Mickey’s information on the computer. “Um yes no problem I
will definitely look that up for you Mr. Milkovich. You know we take pride in
your private information to make sure none of our employees are doing no such
thing. I am going to look that up for you right now.”
“Thank you so much” Mickey smiled at her, he knew that mentioning if an
employee was taking his information and charging his card would lead to legal
action and that would lead to a lot of mess that the hotel would not want.
“Okay. So since you have been coming here for almost 5 in a half month there
has been no double charge on your card in our records.” She said looking Mickey
in the eyes. “What I can do is print your records out since you are a Platinum
VIP member so you can give to the bank and they can sort that out, but we have
not charged you double at all sir.” She simply said to him politely.
Mickey nodded and waited for the papers but instead he asked if they can be
emailed to him instead and the young lady nodded her head at him and did just
that. He thanked her and left hotel.  While in the car he took his phone out
and started looking at the email that was sent to him moments ago. This
information did go back 5 in a half month of charges to the hotel room along
with food and liquor. Since March? What the actual fuck? Since March these
charges have been going on his card, yet he’s never been in here? What the
fuck? And that lady knows him…How? Plus It’s almost September how the fuck?
What the fuck, this can’t be right. No. Mickey’s thinking to himself and none
of this is making any sense.
Plus the statement showed that he was... he was there last night? Mickey just
sat in car thinking of when and how the fuck could this happen to him.
Apparently they knew him at the hotel; this was going on for almost 5 months,
which one girl knew him that means the staffs at that hotel knows him, and by
his last name none the less. And he was a fucking Platinum VIP member which is
beyond him. He still can’t believe this…he was there at this hotel last night,
just last night and all he can remember was laying down in bed with Colt after
getting out of the shower... He remembers looking at himself in the mirror
thinking he was crazy for what he saw and then he went to go lay down with
colt. So what the Fuck? Without thinking he just starts the car and drives
home.
When Mickey got home his phone rang and Mandy text him saying she was kick his
ass when she see him. He looked at the text and just rolled his eyes. He walked
past his art studio room and remembers the door he left open, the picture!
That’s right! He went in the room and saw the painting again. Redhead with
emerald eyes; “who the fuck are you?” he said to himself. Was this the redhead
the young lady from the hotel was talking about? Shit why can’t he remember!  
Mickey then started to get a headache again and this time it was bad and he put
his hand on his head and dropped to his knees. He really needed to rest and
sleep. This was a bad fucking migraine he assumed and he went to the bathroom
to take a shower. It felt good, the shower and the water on his back as he was
just standing in the hot water. He started to wash himself and all of a sudden
he started scrubbing himself harder and harder. He didn’t know why he was
scrubbing himself so hard and now his skin was red. He washed the soap off and
got out the shower fast. He didn’t want to look at the mirror but he did and
this time he was more still and frighten then the last time it happened.
Mickey was shocked and frightened looking back at the mirror. What he saw was
not him. I mean it looked like him, but it wasn’t him.  His reflection was him
but the guy in the mirror was smile with a devilish smile, his hair was spikey
and his eyes looked much more blue to Mickey. Mickey wasn’t smiling so why was
his reflection smiling at him. Then what had Mickey thinking he was freaking
the fuck out was when he saw his reflect chuckle and put a finger to his mouth
and said “Shhhh” While still smiling in a more cynical manner.   Mickey’s
headache started again and this time it felt more painful. He put his hand on
his head bent down then looked up.
 He must have been delusional or something because now he was staring at
himself, with a towel wrapped around his waist and water dripping down from his
hair and his chest. He moved his hand in front of the mirror and his reflection
did the same thing he was doing. Mickey thought that maybe he must have been
bugging out. He exists out from the bathroom and went straight to his room to
lay down in his bed and sleep. Not about two minutes later Mickey felt himself
drift off.
***** How The Fu*K *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
He was in the cage dancing to the music. He was moving his hips, bending down
and letting the audience of men throw money at him in the cage he was in. He
always was so use to it, and loved the attention. When the music got more
erotic his hips got more erotic. His body went with the music every time. He
danced like no one was watching. He would hop on top of inside the cage with
his legs spread open and bend down looking directly at the redhead in front of
him. As if to say ‘yeah this is for you’.
Some of the men would call his name “ Nick!”  he would look wink at them, but
when the redhead motioned him for his lap dance he smiled with lust and bit his
lips.  Nick collected his money and walked off stage towards the redhead, where
he dragged him into the back room where you would usually take the VIP at. This
redhead of his was his only customer he brought back here; you can say it was
somewhat of a mutual arrangement. Ever since that night, Nick and his redhead
have been somewhat on a high. And Nick loved every minute of it as well as the
redhead. Nick set the IPod up on the speakers and began to dance. Swerving his
hips back and forth while on the redhead.  He pushed down and grinded his ass
down on him never losing eye contact with him.
Now customers aren’t allowed to touch the dancer, but this redhead was Nicks.
So he didn’t mind when the redhead grabbed his hips as he moves to the music.
Nick breaths heavy down on his redheads neck and whisper to him  “So you’re
having a good time.”  With a smile on his face. He leans back up to looks at
the redhead, who was looking at Nick with hunger in his eye. So Nick continued
to talk to him.  “Now I thought you said you weren’t going to come here anymore
to see me after you caught me with that guy the other night…Something about me
being a fucking asshole and a slut…isn’t that right? I mean you did say that
and now you’re here.” Nick said to the redhead.
“ Well-being that I did say that ” the redhead looked down to the floor and up
at Nick again. “ There’s just something about you that I can’t keep away from.”
the redhead said slowly with a smug look on his face.  “Plus… I never did ask
you out, so there’s no reason for me to be mad at you. Am I right? We fuck, we
have fun, and that all we do right?” The redhead said
Nick thought about for a minute and smiled looking down at the redhead and
moved his hips again “Yeah I guess that all we do… but you see if you want me
and I am all of me”  Nick said has he barely brushed his lips over the redhead
and trailed it down his neck licking it and sucked it before returning to look
at him.  “Then you’re gonna have to win me over. Besides I didn’t fuck that
guy, I just made you think I was going to. Did it to make you jealous Ian.”
Nick said now.
Ian raised his eyebrows and said “ Oh so you did it to make me jealous. Why?
Huh. What was the point in that? And why would I believe you? You saying you
didn’t fuck him yet you were all over him making out and your fucking hand was
in his pants ” Ian said with a some venom in his voice. Looking at Nick now
furiously
Laughter came from Nick and Ian looked like he was serious but also amused at
Nick's response.  “Well because I like it when you fuck me hard and rough.
Seeing as you left me, I just left that asshole with his dick in his hand and
went home and fucked myself with my toys and jerked off to you.” He sighed and
pouted looking at Ian. Like he actually pouted and that amused Ian a bit. Nick
then said while he grab Ian from his pants  “But it wasn’t the same as I was
moan your name and wishing it was you that was fucking me.”
“ You think this game don’t you!? Making me jealous and wanting me to come back
to you like a little bitch? Fuck you!”  Ian was about to move Nick off of him
and storm out when Nick grabs his arm and pinned on the couch.
“ No it’s not a game, but I want you and you want me. So why don’t you cut the
shit out and come get me. You want me, and then come get me. If not keep it
moving and don’t fucking coming back here”  Nick said while looking at Ian who
was giving Nick a devilish smirk smiling at him.  “So do you want me?”  he said
smiling at the redhead and spreading his legs even more open for him while
licking his lips.
Ian smiled at him and picked him up and kissed him rough. Wrapping Nick’s legs
around him and walking towards the wall. “ Your mines…no one else, you got
that.”  He put Nick down and looked at him and kissed him hard this time with a
deep kiss.
“ So are you saying you tying me down…because I’ll have you know that I have to
let me other boyfriends know that Ima be taken by a hot ex-military redhead who
does not play well with other.”  Nick said in a playful manner.
Ian smiled looking down at him “ Yes. You’re my man and no one else understand?
You’re taken Nikolai.”
“Hmmm. Okay you got me…maybe I a sort of like you a lot. Maybe I do…I mean I
guess I can be your boyfriend if you really want me that bad… I can deal with
that, plus you’re hot and you fuck like an animal. So okay yeah I think I let
you be my boyfriend.”  Nick chuckle and lean into Ian and kissed him slow yet
rough and bit his bottom lip.   “So my shift ends in an hour…you gonna wait for
me and be my bodyguard” Nick asked
“ Yeah”  Ian smiles at him while he says it. “ Then I’m gonna take you home and
fuck your brain out.”  While slapping Nicks ass.
“ Ouch that my hurt ” Nick says laughing and is out of the room back on the
dance floor.
As he got on stage Ian saw his boyfriend. Yeah sure the first encounter they
had Ian was a dick and played hard to get. But after words he couldn’t resist
him. And granted Nick was private person, Ian’s only gone to the hotel with
him, an expensive hotel nonetheless but they’ve been a regular therefore now
for going on 5 months and more. At one point he thought Nick didn’t have a
place to stay and was probably hoping from place to place, but then again how
the fuck could he afford for them to stay at an expensive hotel every night
they fucked around. Then Ian thought that maybe he was married and was using
Ian as a mistress, but Ian asked around and Nick was single. He was known to do
random hookups, one night stands. Never sleeping with the same guy and he even
whore himself out sometimes, which Ian never got why, but never asked either.
But ever since he started talking to Ian, he doesn't go in to the private VIP
shows anymore with random customers or goes home with random anymore, which was
somewhat comforting to Ian but bugged him at times.
Ian loved to see Nick dance. It was like no one existed around him, and when he
was looking at Ian from the dance floor, it was as if Ian only existed to him.
Swerving his hips from side to side, turning around and rolling his body to the
music. Ian saw this every night he came to the club for his blue eye raven hair
handsome guy. He danced like no one was on the floor, carefree and alive. One
of the things that got Ian attracted to him was that. That and the fact that he
didn’t give a fuck about what people thought about him, and he was always
willing to fight. Ian loved that edginess about Nick. The only person Nick
seemed to care about was what Ian thought of him. 5 and half month ago outside
the club when Nick went out to Ian, was a day he will never forget. That was
when he knew this guy would most likely be the death of him.
When Nick’s shift was over; they didn’t end up at Ian’s place, not this night
anyways instead Nick took them to their usually hotel room, which they were
regulars at. Nick went to the front desk of the hotel and came back with a room
key and grab Ian buy the hand and they went to the elevator to the last floor.
It was always the same room which always shocked Ian every time walked through
the door. He wondered why a guy like Nick would spend his hard earned money on
Ian at a Hotel like this. If the ex-military man was not shocked he was always
impressed with him. When they walked into the room as always there was a large
silver gray sofa with a glass coffee table in the middle; behind the sofa was a
huge window where you can see outside the Chicago night. All the buildings the
lights it looked amazing. To right of that was a huge TV. Further in to your
right was a bathroom. Glass doors, a big tub by Ian’s standards, it was
amazing. Then there was the bedroom. King size bed with a view that looks even
more amazing every time. There was two dresser on each side of the bed with
lamps on them, A TV towards the left of the room, and the curtain were open as
if the view of Chicago was exposed to them. Nick was smiling at Ian and Ian
couldn’t help but smile back.
Nick walks over to Ian and grabs him buy his shirt and kisses him in a
desperately manner. Grabbing him by his waist the kiss turns into something
frantic. Ian was kissing him and brings him closer. He goes for Nick shirt and
lifts it off him. Nick goes for Ian’s shirt but he stops him. He always does
that. Ian and Nick have been fucking for month and Nick knows about his scars
and battle wound, but now he doesn’t care. He wants to see all of Ian, every
ounce of him. Nick looks at and give him a reassuring look then he says in a
low soft whispers “It’s okay” slowly takes his shirt off and then looks at Ian
chest with is dog tag. Scars and wounds he see on his mans chest. Ian looks
away being so self-conscious but Nick simply kisses him and bring him down to
the bed running his hands on Ian chest. Kissing the scar on his shoulder, the
scar on his chest, the scar on his arm, and then goes to suck on his neck. Ian
is moaning and grabs Nicks ass to make him grinned on him.
Nick moves to kiss Ian hard and rough, this time he gets up removes his pants
and then goes for Ian. He unbuckles his pant and removes them in record time.
Simply admiring the other man under him. Nick goes to slide down Ian and is
licking and nipping on his body. He rubs his hand over Ian’s nipple and gently
yet roughly licks it and sucks on it. Having Ian moan with pleasure and arching
his back. Nick begins to kiss down on Ian chest and towards his thighs then he
slowly licks and sucks near his hip while stroking Ian. Ian is lost in Nick’s
touch. He’s moaning and loving every moment and ever touch Nick is giving him.
Nick then looks up at Ian and without looking anywhere but at Ian not breaking
eye contact Nick takes Ian into his mouth. And Ian just throws his head back on
the pillow and trying hard not to thrust his hip up. Nick begins to suck Ian
further down and deep throating him. Swallowing Ian and flicking his tongue and
swirling it like it was nothing more he wanted to do. Ian loves the way Nick
lips are on him. His soft wet warm lips sliding down Ian; Nick loved sucking
Ian off, it actually got him off, but right now he wanted to please Ian. (After
all, Ian is his boyfriend now, so it’s only fair to give it all to him.) Nick
continues to move his head up and down sucking hard and swirling his tongue
around Ian cock. He starts to suck on the tip of Ian’s cock and makes eye
contact with Ian who can barely keep his eye open has he throws his head back
and is panting fast.
“ OMG! Shit. Fuck.”  Ian says as he breathes out. The things Nick did to him
were magical, unreal and so fucking good. Nick released Ian from his mouth with
a pop sound, Ian whined in protest but gasp when he felt Nick suck on his
balls. Putting each one in his mouth and sucking on them lightly, and coming
back up by running his tongue along Ian’s hard aching cock. He started flicking
his tongue around the tip of Ian and that made Ian push his hips up.  “ Sorry ”
Ian says in a whisper. But Nick just smiles at him and continues.
 
Nick presses his tongue onto Ian’s slit and licks the precome that has gather
then and Ian’s lost in his thoughts and is barely making sense of what he is
saying. He grabs Nicks hair and is tugging on it “ Fuck Nick… shit”
 “ Mmmm ” Nick moans while he has Ian in his mouth and then he releases himself
from Ian once more, and goes up and kisses him tongue first and passionate.
Nick is sucking on Ian’s bottom lip and is jerking him off at the same time.
Ian grabbed Nick by his ass squeezed it, he rolled him over so now that Nick
was on his back and Ian was on top of him. “ Come on baby get in me now”  Nick
said with a smile and was panting slightly.
Ian went for the lube next to the dress on the bed while sucking on Nicks neck,
and all Nick can do was moan and gasp for air as Ian began to suck a mark on
his neck licking over it. Nick felt Ian pushed 1 finger in his hole and then
the second finger was added making Nick moan and arch his back up. Ian’s long
fingers scissoring Nick made him whimper in pleasure and he was trying to fuck
himself with Ian’s fingers. When adding the third finger Nick was at a lost and
Ian loved to see him loss himself has he prep him.  “I’m good Ian come on… mmm.
Fuck me now”  Ian then removed his fingers, and Nick made a groan sound in
protest, but was then rewards with Ian slicking himself up and then moving
towards Nicks.
 
Nick wrapped his legs around Ian’s waist, but Ian took his legs and hooked over
his shoulder and propped Nick’s body up. They each held each other’s gaze as
Ian pressed into Nick slowly. Once Ian was flushed inside of Nick; having him
inside of him Ian leaned down and kissed Nicks neck and sucked on his earlobe.
“Jesus Ian”  Nick hissed and groaned as Ian began to thrust into him slowly and
deep. Nick dug his fingers into Ian’s back and Ian grabbed Nick and thrust into
him harder. He took some of the lube and put it on Nicks cock so he can jerk
him off.
Nick was scratching and marking Ian’s back and Ian continued to thrust in
harder and slower. Nick was making loud sounds and moaning and Ian was loving
ever fucking sound Nick was making. Ian started picking up the past and now he
was fucking Nick harder and fasters. Slamming into with every thrust and Nick
was now making screaming sound of pleasure and that was driving Ian over the
edge. Nick was close and within two thrust he was cumming so hard between him
and Ian his moans alone send Ian over the edge and he was coming hard inside
Nick. They rode out their orgasms and Nick was twitching with pleasure with
every thrust Ian made. They were both on full blown ecstasy.
 Ian pulled out of Nick and Nick winced as he felt empty without Ian inside of
him. He rolled over and kissed Ian deep and slowly. Breathless as he was he was
ready for a second round with Ian, but knew he had to let his redhead rest
up…well just for a bit. Ian’s afterglow was amazing and Nick pushed a strain of
his hair from Ian’s face and admired him even more. Nick was in love with this
man, and it scared him. It scared him because he knew that this would be his
biggest problem. But he would be damned if he wasn’t allowed to love Ian. No he
had to make this permanent no matter what. No matter what he deserved happiness
after everything he has done and gone through, it was the least he should get
back right? But for now he just quietly took in everything around Ian and not
let the outside world burst their bubble.
Ian turned his head and smiled at him, god that smile he could get lost in it
forever. They fucked all night and when it started to turn daylight Nick got up
to head to the shower and get ready to head out.
“You know one of these days being that I am your boyfriend now, you really have
to tell me know where you live at and what you do on during the day. Being that
we are in a relationship now”  Ian said in a soft yet tired voice. He liked
that Nick was mysterious and to himself. But Ian wanted to know more about him.
In the matter month they were just hooking up, Nick told him minor things such
as what he like, what was his favorite color was, what music he like, and even
that he drew. He knew Nick was left handed, hated basketball, loved hockey and
baseball, and was smart as hell. He knew that he preferred Batman over superman
(which by the way ended up in a heated debate with Ian that eventually Nick
won, provided that sex happened right after he won his argument). It was
certain things he talked about. Some things however were not to be discussed
such as his family, which Nick expressed he has none.
All Nick told Ian was that his mother was dead and that he never knew her. This
was sad Ian thought; Ian told him he never knew what his mother was like and
how she was always in, and out of his and his siblings lives, and how his
father was a drunken asshole who was good for nothing. Nick would always
stiffen up when Ian asked about his dad, but Ian brushed it off and figured it
was best not to ask. Nick knew about Ian joining the military after high
school, and got his college degree while in the Military. Nick knew about his
all his scars and knew what happen to Ian when he was out there. He knew about
his siblings and what Ian like and didn’t like.  But Nick, he was a mystery,
they never been to Ian’s place and Ian never been to Nick’s place, but that was
going to change, no matter what Nick thought.
Nick looked at Ian and smile and softly said  “soon baby…soon; soon I’ll be all
your and no one and I mean no one, is gonna take that away from me.”  Ian was
tired and barely understood what Nick was saying but smiled lazy and fell right
to sleep. When Nick got out the shower he walked over to Ian and gave him a
kiss on his forehead. He placed a note on the dresser like he always did and
left. He didn’t want go, he wanted to stay, but he knew he had to get back.
Which annoyed the fuck out of him; he wasn’t strong enough not yet, but soon he
will be.
*********************************************************************************
Nick walked into his big ass 3 bedroom apartment with his book bag like he did
every morning; this morning was way later then he had expected to come in. He
went to his room took off his close got into his boxers and pajama pant and put
his book bag at the back of his closet. He walked over to his bed tired and
removed the bed cover and threw himself down on the bed and covered himself up.
He had a long night, a fucking great night and now he just wanted to rest. He
closed his eye and smiled as he went to sleep.
*********************************************************************************
It was weird, Mickey was dreaming of this redhead and the incredible sex he was
having with him. He kept turning in his sleep and was annoyed when he heard
Colt come in his room and call him. He grunted and was tired as he looked up at
the clock and saw it was 8 am in the morning. He raised himself from his bed
and looked at Colt who had somewhat of a look and concern on his face.
“What is it babe” Mickey asked in tiredly. His head was pounding and he felt
like shit, his body ached especially his ass which he didn’t know why.
“Where were you?” Colt said
“What?... What do you mean where was I? I’m here talking to you in my bed,
where else am I going to be Colt.” Mickey said tiredly he was annoyed at the
stupid question is boyfriend just asked him
“You weren’t here last night when I came to see you. And I called you but your
phone was off. I waited until I had to go for my shift. I text you and called
you but you didn’t call me back or anything. So I decided to come here after my
shift was over.” Colt sounded irritated and tired. Mickey knew that night
shifts were not easy for him, but what the fuck was up with him. He’s been here
the whole night sleeping.
“Babe I’ve been here sleeping all night. And honestly I’m not feeling well
right now. I feel like shit, so can you please make some sense right now.”
Mickey said to Colt with his eyes half open and closed. Man he was really tired
and exhausted he couldn’t even open his eyes all the way.
“Like I said Mickey I came by here in the afternoon yesterday after you called
me and left a message. I stood here to almost 5pm and you weren’t here. I
called and nothing” Colt was now irritated and started to pace around in Mickey
room.
“I don’t know babe, maybe I must have went out for a drive or something. I mean
I know I fell asleep and I haven’t been feeling well, but I’ve been here all
night sleeping.” Mickey said rubbing his eyes trying to wake up “Maybe my phone
died or something. I don’t know.” Mickey was getting annoyed with Colt and was
about two seconds from kicking his ass out so he can sleep, because honestly he
felt like shit. Plus who the fuck was Colt to interrogating him like this.
Mickey did nothing wrong. Okay maybe he doesn’t remember leaving if he did, but
he’s been here all night sleeping. Excuse him for being tired.
 Colt walked to him and placed his hand over Mickey head. To see if he had a
fever or something. “Well you are a bit warm… Do you want me to stay with you?”
 “No babe you don’t have to, go home and rest okay I’m fine I just need some
rest that’s all. If anything I will call my cute hot nurse of a boyfriend over,
so you can take care of me okay. And who knows maybe you can wear a nurse
outfit or some shit” Mickey laughed and Colt smiled at him but it fell when he
looked Mickey in the eye.
“You sure?” Colt said again
Mickey nodded his head as he spoke to Colt “Yes. Now go. Ima go wash up and lay
back down okay. I’ll call you later. And I’m gonna charge my phone okay.” He
kissed Colt and headed to bathroom. He heard Colt say goodbye and left. For
some reason Mickey felt weird and had a light headache, but nothing major. His
dream was intense, like really intense it felt too real. He felt bad for
fantasizing and dreaming about another guy that he didn’t even know or let
alone know he was real or not. How would Colt take that, Mickey felt guilty
about his dream. But it wasn’t real so why should he; he’s pretty sure Colt
probably dreams of other guys and wake up feeling like he was on cloud 9 from
intense sex dream.
Mickey walks into the bathroom to wash up and turns on the light, but stop
himself from doing anything as he saw his neck. It was light and he sure as
hell knows Colt didn’t not see it being that it was dark in his room and the
lights were off. His Neck…What the Fuck?! It was a fucking hickey. Just like in
his dream the redhead sucked on his neck and it felt fucking good as if he was
there. He touched it and looked at it carefully. “What the fuck… How the fuck?”
was all Mickey said. He walked out the bathroom and went to find his phone. He
then called the one person he knew he could trust more than anything. He called
Mandy and told her to come to his place like right now and that it was
important. He needed to figure this shit out now, because now has he looks at
his body. He sees he has marks all over his body that he didn’t remember
physically having before. He remembers that he was dreaming of a redhead. He
didn’t know why. No something was up! He knew it he just didn’t know what.
Chapter End Notes
     The bold font is of Nick and Ian, and the next chapter will have more
     of Mandy and Mickey and the Mickeys brothers. Plus Im not sure if
     that one will be longer than most, but I will figure that out. Also
     note its going to get dark as Mickey past is going to get revealed
     and its going to cause trouble a lot of trouble for him and the
     consequences his siblings are going to have to deal with in a way. I
     am going to take my time with those chapter of the ones that get
     dark. Please let me know what you guys think.
***** Mickey are you okay? *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
 
While waiting for Mandy, Mickey started to get a slight headache, and then all
of a sudden he was hears cries. The cries sounded familiar to him, but he
didn’t know why. It felt like they were in his apartment, like he could hear
them near him, so he searched his apartment for the cries. He was sure he
thought he was hallucinating. He even opening the door to his loft to see if
there was anyone out there crying, but there was no one there. He walked back
in his apartment and then the cries got louder and he put his hand to his ears
and tried to ignore the sound. He heard a little boy say “Please stop it!
Please! PLEASE NO!” The little boy sounded more scared and in pain, but Mickey
didn’t know what the fuck was going on. The cries and sobbing, and then it
stopped. It stopped like nothing. He didn’t know what to make of it. He then
walked into the kitchen and grabbed a few painkillers and got a cup of water.
He stood in his kitchen confused and alarmed about what he just heard, then he
heard someone a voice. It was his.
“Miiiickey. Oooooh Miiickey!” The voice was laughing now and Mickey’s headache
was become slightly worse. “Come on Mick, it’s me! You can’t keep out for long.
You know that don’t you.” The voice was confident and cocky if not bold. Mickey
was rubbing his temple trying to ignore the voice in his head, thinking he was
just going fucking crazy. He didn’t know if he should tell anyone about this.
He still didn’t know what the fuck he was going to tell his sister when she got
here. This was all too much for him and he felt like he was going to split any
moment.
Within moments Mandy was over at Mickey’s apartment in a flash. He sounded
frantic and she was worried about him. He had been acting different lately;
being more sleepy, having headaches, and being cranky more than usual. Mandy
called Collin and Iggy to let them know she was going to meet up with Mickey.
She told them she would keep them posted if anything was up. As soon as Mickey
heard his door open he ran to the door. Mandy was there with Pizza and a six
pack of beer. Mickey grabbed the beer and instantly opened it and drank it. He
needed not to think for a little bit.  He and Mandy went into the sala to sit
down and relax. Mickey drank one more beer before he looked at Mandy.
“So… What’s up?  You sounded like you were about to have a fucking nervous
breakdown or some shit? I was in the middle doing the numbers for the books for
the clubs in New York and some shit is off.” She started to say. She knew how
to make Mickey feel more comfortable and help him. She can tell something was
bugging him and he needed to relax and collect his thoughts a bit “I think we
might have to take trip out there again. Either me or you, which will most
likely be me of course.” Mandy said and continued to talk like nothing she was
still slightly upset that Mickey for doing that disappearing act on her and
their brothers, but now she can see maybe he needed some space? Maybe or maybe
not who know. “Fucking we have this guy in New York who want to invest in the
club, but want to do things his way or some shit and you know I’m not with that
shit. Plus the license and permanent have to be renewed and I fucking forgot
about them which I never do. And I just dump this asshole I was hooking up with
because he didn’t want to be in a commitment. So your shit better be worth me
dropping my work for and my random girls night out I was going to have.” Mandy
said to him
Mandy was looking at Mickey careful now has he was tensing up. Mickey hesitated
a little. So he started talking to Mandy unsure of what he was going to tell
her “Um okay I don’t know where to start.” He simply said to her.
Mandy sighed and looked at Mickey with soft eye “Just start anywhere
Mick...Look whatever it is you can tell me okay. It’s me, we tell each other
everything…right?” she said to him
Mickey looked at Mandy and was silent; he hasn’t been telling his sister
everything because he figured he could deal with the lack of sleep he was
having and lack of memory of things that he was apparently doing. Like the
whole Hotel thing and the spending of money, and even his black out with Colt;
but what he recently just experience a few minutes ago he wasn’t sure he wanted
to tell anyone. Yeah he’s heard his voice say shit to him, that would bring him
to do things or say certain shit, but this….This time it was fucking weird. He
was calling his own name, trying to talk to himself, and those cries. Where the
fuck did those cries come from.
So he decided to just tell her what he thinks was best. He started to talk to
her and was a little uneasy but went for it. “Okay so, see the thing is. Ummm…
okay See Mands I think I’ve been really stressed out. ( yeah let got with that
for now. Mandy seems to have a lot on her plate right now ) Like I can’t
explain it. I don’t know if its stress of some shit. Like I’ve been having like
random dreams of this guy. And I woke up with this on my neck.” Mickey pointed
to the hickey on his neck and Mandy looked at it. She smiled and nodded at his
hickey in approval.
“Touche Mick! Well shit, you and Colt got hot and heavy last night, maybe he
marked you and you didn’t know? What he thinks he owns you or some shit now”
Mandy didn’t like Colt, but respected him because of Mickey but now she was
giving Mickey a nasty look at the fact she thought Colt mark him.
“Mandy! No! That’s the fucking thing. I wasn’t with Colt last night, he was
working.” Mickey said to her instantly
Mandy had a shocked face and smirked at Mickey. “Well Shit Mickey congrats to
you. I mean Colt is alright but like I said you can always do better than. He’s
kind of tries to control you and I don’t think he like me or Collin, and you
know how he can be a little snob about shit.”
Mickey knew his siblings weren’t fond of Colt but he didn’t care. Mickey looked
at his sister and rolled his eye and sighed. “Mandy you’re not getting it. I
was here all night. I fell asleep yesterday I was pretty fucking exhausted, and
I don’t know I passed out. Colt came this morning because apparently when he
came yesterday I wasn’t here. He said he tried to call me but it went to
voicemail or some shit.”
Mandy tilted her head frowned her eyebrows at Mickey as she spoke to him “Okay…
Well are you sure he came here?” She asked her brother
“Well no not exactly, he said he did. But Mandy that’s not what the fuck
concerns me right now. I woke up with a hickey when I went to bed without one.
And I’ve been dreaming about this guy, and in my dream last night we were you
know.” Mickey motions his hands to his sister so she would put two and two
together. She didn’t, sometimes Mickey wondered how Mandy managed to get her
degree if she was so smart, let alone pick up guys. “We were fucking in my
dreams and it got hot and heavy. Like I mean I felt like I could feel him, feel
all of it, and in my dream he fucking marked me and gave me this hickey on the
same spot right here.” Mickey said as he pointed to his neck.
Mandy looked at Mickey like he was crazy. He knew he should have kept it to
himself and figure this shit out on his own, but right now he needed his best
friend which was his sister to help him the fuck out.
“Mick are you sure you didn’t go out or some shit. There’s no way you can go to
bed without a hickey and then wake up with one. I mean you use to always get
high and drink and forget what you did half the time……….You sure it’s not
stress maybe. I mean if you’re cheating on Colt, and again I don’t give a fuck,
like I said you can do better.” Mandy said it with no shame in her voice, as if
she was a little amused with Mickey hooking up with someone else, completely
ignoring the fact of him not remembering anything about what might or might not
have happened. “But that can be lead to you not remembering maybe; I mean shit
I don’t know Mick. You’re positive you didn’t go out and get fucked up and
forgot what you did. I mean shit we all have done it.” Mandy said like it was
nothing
“I was thinking it was stress to or maybe I did go out, because colt said my
car wasn’t here when he came…..But Mands if I did that, that means I cheated on
Colt and I wouldn’t do that. But I don’t remember going out. I remember going
to bed. I was really exhausted, and this morning I woke up feeling like shit
and my body hurts all over. Plus why the fuck would I get high, I haven’t done
any of that hard-core shit in years. Yeah I smoke weed, but not to have me
completely fucked up to a point where I don’t remember. I get good shit, but
not that good, and I can hold my liquor way more than you, Collin or Iggy.”
Mickey was still trying to piece together where he may have gone yesterday.
“Plus Mands come, follow me.” Mickey says and gets up and walks off the other
room with Mandy behind him
They went into his art studio room, Mickey went to his paintings and pulled the
painting he had drew of the redhead out. It was stashed away at the back of his
rack just in case Colt saw and questioned him. He really didn’t want to fight
with him if Colt saw it. Mandy was right, Colt can be a bit of a snob, and was
sometimes jealous for no reason. It was a reason why Mickey stopped painting
and drawing. He himself was never good at it, but for some reason he made that
room an art studio, that consist of anything he like, which was his music,
paintings he would mess with just to mess with. He felt that he needed this
room to be just that, and never knew why. It felt right to have this room as a
gateway from reality in a way. Colt thought it was stupid, and even told Mickey
he couldn’t draw or paint and felt the room can be used for something else, but
Mickey ignored him. He always ignored Colt, or at least tried to.
Mickey showed Mandy the painting and even she was astonished by the painting.
She knew Mickey had this room for whatever reason he wanted, but this, this
painting was actually good. She touched the painting and her mouth was open,
but she didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Mickey looked at her and waited
for her to say something or make a noise, anything really.
“Wow” Mandy said in a form of a whisper and Mickey looked at her wide eyes but
said nothing. Then she spoke. “Wow Mickey this is…I mean this is fucking
awesome; I had no idea you were that fucking talented Mick. You painted this?”
after a few seconds Mandy spoke again “Wait. Who is this?” Looking Mickey dead
in his eyes.
“That’s the guy Mands, the one I dreamt about. I was painting him for some
reason one day and I didn’t remember painting him, but I did. I don’t know who
he is, or maybe I do. I mean I don’t know.” Mickey said frantically
“Look Mickey maybe you hooked up with him and I don’t know decided to paint
him. I mean he is pretty fucking gorgeous if this is what he looks like… I mean
are you sure it’s not stress and your just simply forgetting a random hook up
with a guy.” Mandy said.
“Okay Mandy if that so, then how the fuck… Uuugh Mandy none of this is making
sense and I’m not sure what to make of it.” Mickey was looking at her with
worry in his eyes. He really didn’t know what any of this meant. Then all of a
sudden he started to get a headache again.
“Fuck!” Mickey bent down and grab his head, it was hurting more and he felt
himself become light headed and he felt like he was detaching from himself and
then…
Mandy went to Mickey and kneeled down to him in concern. “Mickey! Mickey what
wrong are you okay?! Mickey answer me!” Mandy was rubbing his back and Mickey
was rubbing his head. He then looked at Mandy and she was looking at him; “Hey
are you okay baby bro?”
“Yeah. Nothing to worry about. Just a slight headache is all; I’m fine now,
sorry to worry and all.” Mickey was tilting his head while speaking to Mandy as
if he was carefully watching her or some shit. Mickey whole demeanor changed
and Mandy notice. He stood up and took the painting from the floor next to
Mandy and put it back on his rack.
Mandy looked at Mickey a little funny then said “Are you sure you’re okay?
Because you literally just almost collapsed on the floor.”
“I said I was fucking fine okay.” Mickey said with a slight of venom in his
voice. He walked out the studio and told Mandy to get out and then closed the
door behind her when she walked out. She felt a shift in the room, but didn’t
pay attention to it.
“Okay sure whatever fuck me for caring about your ass.” She was annoyed that
Mickey was being an ass all of a sudden.
Mickey snorted and chuckle with no amusement and went to grab another beer and
chugged it quickly. Mandy walked over to him and grab a pizza and started to
eat it. Mickey looked annoyed with her and rolled his eyes. He stood quiet and
said nothing more.
“So I get why you’re freaking out about not remembering anything yesterday if
you went out” She said as she was chewing her food “but Mickey I’m sure you
just smoked some shit, maybe bad shit that was laced with something or maybe
you’re stressed with work that you forget you went out. Unless your blacking
out which is a bad thing, and you should definitely go to the clinic for that
shit and get it checked out. Black out can mean a lot of shit and you’re too
young for that shit.” Mandy said as a matter of fact.
Mickey looked like was thinking and looking spaced out then he said “Yeah… Yeah
no; no you know what? You’re right!” Mickey said has he snapping his fingers.
He sucked his teeth and said “But see, the shit is; is that I just remembered I
did smoke some shit last night. Too you know sleep a bit since I’ve been sorta
out of it, and I just wanted to you know, go out and shit afterwards, so I went
to the club… I just sorta forgot about hookin up with this guy. He was fuckin
hot and shit and he was fucking packin to.” He smiled and chuckle at what he
said to Mandy, he didn’t really give a fuck. “I guess I got a bit too reckless
and shit you know.”
“So the painting and the guy?” Mandy asked him
“Yeah nah I guess I just forgot. He’s pretty fucking hot. Dreaming about him
and shit. Me being stressed with work and you know the clubs out in New York
making shits good, I just needed a release is all you know. Especially from
Colts fucking ass.” Then there was a disgust in his face just thinking about
Colt got him annoyed “He startin to annoy the fuck out of me. Asking me where
the fuck I was like he fucking owns me, or is in charge of me. No one fucking
own me okay.” Mickey was surly acting different now; he never spoke about Colt
like this. Plus his mannerism changed and the way he spoke was off. Yeah
whenever he wanted vent to Mandy about Colt he would and sometimes when Colt
was being unreasonable he would just vent; but right now Mickey sounded like he
was annoyed with Colt and angry with him. Mandy couldn’t blame him she didn’t
like Colt either. Neither did Collin or Iggy approve of him, but as long as
Mickey was happy they were happy.
“Well shit Mick.” Mickey seemed to be annoyed by the Mandy calling him Mickey
and clenched his teeth together but said nothing as Mandy continued to talk to
him.  “I fucking knew it. I knew you could do fucking better than that asshole,
but next fucking time just say it instead of fucking making it seemed like
you’re going to have a nervous breakdown or that you’re going fucking crazy and
shit. If you need time off we’ve told you to take that shit. You fucking work
your ass off, go to New York have some time off. You sound like you need it.”
Mickey turned around and smiled at Mandy, but this smile was more devious and
focused on Mandy’s words. “You know what! I think your right.” Mickey was
sounded a bit chipper and different then he did before when Mandy first walked
in. “I think I need to get the fuck out of here for a while. I mean shit I do a
lot and you have no idea. So Ima relax do me, or some shit.” He then mumble the
last few words “Spasybi za poradu Mendi. (Thanks for the advice Mandy)” And
Mandy heard them as she was somewhat familiar with some of what he said to her
especially her name.
Mandy looked at Mickey with wide eyes, she knew a little bit of Ukrainian, but
Mickey didn’t speak Ukrainian at all.  Their mother spoke it to Mandy Iggy and
Collin fluently and when she passed away; Collin tried to teach Mandy and Iggy
so that they always knew it, but Mickey didn’t know Ukrainian at all. He
sometimes got upset at Collin, Iggy and Mandy when they would speak it around
him, because he didn’t understand it. So how the fuck did he just speak it to
her like it was natural.
“Since when do you speak Ukrainian?” Mandy asked Mickey.
Mickey raised his eyebrows and kinda of looked like he was guilty for a second,
but then shrugged it off. “Since I decided to learn it a while ago. Why? It’s
ah problem or some shit?” Mickey said defensively
“Getting a bit defensive are we assface. I just didn’t know you spoke it. You
always got mad when me, Iggy or Collin spoke it around you. You always claimed
you didn’t understand and shit.” Mandy said to him.
“Yeah well I do know it. Okay. No big fucking deal.” Mandy looked at mickey and
the tone he was giving her. She looked like she was going to kick his ass. He
continues by asking her if she was going to stay there longer because and I
quote he said “cause I got shit I gotta do.”
Mandy had that face of a look that would make you cringe, but Mickey looked
like he didn’t give a fuck and stood there looking at her like he didn’t care.
“Excuse fucking me! Mother fucker! I stopped what the fuck I was doing to come
over here to you for you to do a minor freak the fuck out! Shit you complain to
me about something that you remembered all of a sudden and now you want to kick
me out? You have got to be fucking kidding with me here.” Mandy she was full
blown irritated and even raised her voice a little. Mickey seems not to be
fazed by it, in fact he seems to find it funny as he was looking at her and
laughing.
“What the fuck is funny Mick seriously?” Mandy hissed out at him pissed off
even more
Mickey got serious and looked at her with one eyebrows up and spoke slowly and
low with an irritated voice “Stop. Callin. Me. That.” His jaw was clenched and
he was angry for some reason whenever Mandy said his name.
“Why it’s your fucking name dumbass. Look if you’re going be a dick don’t
fucking call me for bullshit okay” She got up grabbed her coat and headed out
the door; she stopped and yelled to him. “And when you decided to stop being a
fucking dickwad, call me asshole.” She slammed the door and with that she was
gone.
“Thank fucking gosh she gone. Fuck I don’t understand how the fuck you can deal
with her shit Mickey. Then again I do, but I don’t give a fuck” He said and
turns around looking at the apartment and is thinking “….Hmmm now to deal with
Colts bitch ass.” He walked into the room and looked at the dresser mirror and
smiled. His phone was ringing and it was Colt. He rolled his eye and looked at
the phone not wanting to pick it up. But then he thought about it. No one likes
Colt, shit even Mickey was starting to have doubts in his relationship with
Colt. He was controlling or tried to be, and of course he would not let that
happen to them while Colt was in the picture. But for some reason Mickey cared
for the asshole. Collin, Iggy and Mandy didn’t like him at all; they tolerated
him for Mickey sack. What a fucking idiot.
So he picks up the phone and answers Colt phone call. “What?” He answered in an
annoyed voice.
“Babe it’s me you still asleep? Are you feeling any better? I was thinking of
cutting out early from here to go to you and check up on you.” Colt said.
“Umm nah I’m good. Actually I have to do a few things and Ima have Mandy over
for some  sibling time  you know so you can stay at work ight.” He said to
Colt.
“Oh okay. Sure um what about tomorrow maybe?” Colt sounded a little irritated,
but he didn’t give a fuck. Even if it wasn’t true, and he had just basically
kicked Mandy out; Colt didn’t need to know. Apparently Mickey cared for his
siblings, why the fuck he did, he didn’t know why? But if Colt didn’t like it
too fucking bad. He really didn’t know what they fucking saw in him anymore.
“Nah see I gotta go to New York and handle some shit with the clubs, so I ain't
gonna be here for a few days… Yo I gotta go right now I got Mandy on the other
line and shit okay. See yah”
“Okay yeah I lo” Colt was saying but was cut off.
He hung up on Colt, he honestly didn’t want to talk to him let alone hear him.
It made him want to vomit and honestly punch the guy right the fuck out. He
then hopped in the shower, got dressed and headed out to the club at 8 like he
did every night. But this time he had a plan in the works.
*********************************************************************************
Ian was at the club waiting for Nick as usual at the bar just like always. When
he spotted Nick, he noticed he looked bit different due to the fact that he
wasn’t shirtless and wasn’t wearing his booty shorts. He wasn’t even wearing
his normal sweat pants or sweat shirt. Nick had on some nice tight fitting
black jeans that hugged his ass nicely, with a button down black shirt. He had
his black boots on, and his hair was spiked up. He had an earring on in his
right ear, nails were painted black, and he had black eyeliner on like he
usually did when he was on the dance floor. He looked great and smelled even
better. Ian almost fell off his stool when Nick came closer to him.
“So… I was wondering if you’ve seen my boyfriend around here.” Nick was smiling
at Ian like he was the fucking moon and continued to say “He this cute hot
fucking redhead, taller than me, he’s military, has green eyes that will make
you fucking melt. He also likes me, which I don’t know why, but he does…” Nick
loved to play with Ian like this all the time. It somewhat of a little thing
they had “Sooooo have you seen him? Cause I’m sure he’s here.”
Ian turned to Nick and laughed fondly at his boyfriend “Well I think I might
know where he is actually. See me and him we’re kind of close in a way. I mean
shit by that description he does sound hot. And you’re fucking hot as well, so
I’m sure he won’t leave you here by yourself for too long.” Ian said smiling at
Nick like nothing else in the world matter. And that, that was the reason Nick
wanted to see Ian every night. For just that smile.
“Well I can take care of myself, but my man he can be a bit of a jealous fuck.”
Nick said smugly.
Ian Smiled at Nick “Oh Yeah. Is that so, well I can see why? You like that
about him? That he can be a jealous fuck as you say.” Ian said teasing Nick.
Nick looked like he was thinking about and shrugged his shoulders and smirked
at Ian “Of course I do, he makes me feel alive, and he likes me for me. So
that’s a plus I think.” Nick smiled and Ian grabbed Nick by his waist and
kissed Nick slowly and passionately. Their tongues fighting for dominance and
Nick was sucking on Ian’s bottom lip and nipped it a bit before he broke the
kiss with Ian. Now breathless they put both their foreheads together and leaned
into each other. Both of them had their eyes closed and Nick was smiling while
he was moving him and Ian side to side. The music was playing loud, but it was
as if no one was in the room with them. They were in their own bubble. Ian
pulled back and looked at his boyfriend fondly.
“Hey baby.” He said softly to Nick. “So how was your day? Sleep good?” Ian
asked Nick.
“Yeah you can say that; I was pretty active actually. So um remember how I told
you I have another job that I sometimes go to.” Nick said.
Ian nodded his head as he answered Nick “Yeah. Why?”
“Well my job needs me to go to New York for a while, and guess who’s coming
with me.” Nick said in a cock voice tilting his head at Ian and smiling at him
nodding his head at him.
“What!? You want me to go with you? To New York…”Ian smiled at Nick then said
“What kind of job do you have that requires you to travel huh?”
“Okay so since me and you are together and I guess you gotta know what I do. I
kind of own a club in a way in New York, and my business partners want me to go
check a few things out, buuuuut I want to go there for fun. Me and you no one
else… what you say?” Ian was shocked again Nick was really to himself when it
came to his personal life. “No you know what you’re coming I don’t give a fuck
what you say. I bought the tickets anyway and we’re gonna have fun, fuck, and
have fun and sight see, and fuckm and fuck. And did I mention that were gonna-“
“Fuck! Yes you said that like 3 or 4 times” Ian was laughing and still shocked
at what Nick said.
“No you dick, I was going to say have fun… but yeah fuck fun.” Nick was
laughing and groping Ian now. “We leave not tomorrow but the day after okay. So
pack light were gonna enjoy ourselves.” Nick said to Ian like it was nothing.
“Nick I can’t just leave like that. I have the job at the construction site; I
can’t just leave and go all of a sudden. And you paid for my ticket now I have
to pay you back, I definitely can’t just go like that.”
“Well tell them you’re going to the Veterans thing or some shit okay. Come on
Ian I don’t want to go without you and you should be out with me, traveling.
And don’t worry about the ticket money okay. So don’t even start with me on
that shit okay.”
“Nick.” Ian said then looked at him. He knew it was useless to fight with Nick.
Nick always challenged Ian, and that’s what Ian liked so much about him. The
fucker never took no for an answer. Ian sighed loudly then nodded his head and
said “okay fine, but on one condition asshole.”
“Okay name it whatever you want” Nick said excitedly.
Ian smile widen and Nick was wondering what the fuck did he just agreed to. “I
get to take you out on a date anywhere I want…AND you cannot for any reason
object to it.”
“DEAL! Now can we go dance on the floor and make-out” Nick said as he gestured
to the dance floor of the club. Ian nodded his head and they went on to
dancing.
As they were dancing, they were touching and kissing; it just so happens that
one person that walks through the club doors and he just so happens to spot
Nick and Ian. The man looking at Nick and Ian was pissed and shocked, he just
stood there watching the two of them. Nick saw him from across the room and
smiled to himself. Yup his plan worked. Nick grabbed Ian by his neck and kissed
him hard as he danced closer to Ian, grinned on him. When he looked back to the
direction of where the brown hair blue eye man was standing; he was gone.
 “Mission accomplished” Nick said to himself.
“What was that baby?” Ian asked
“Oh nothing baby. Just that I’m happy you’re coming with me.” Nick said to him
 Ian smiled at Nick and kissed him again. The whole night they danced and drank
and partied.  The rest was history that night as both men enjoyed each other
company in full bliss.
 
Chapter End Notes
     So this chapter has more Mickey and Mandy interacting and hopefully
     your able to figure Mick out.
     As for Ian and Nick this is how you see how you them with one another
     in how things are. The next chapter is going to be slightly longer
     and Ian's siblings will be introduce and I hope you like it. Again
     thanks for your comments and kudos love it.
***** Two as one *****
Chapter Notes
     Chapter has been edit. Please if anyone see errors just let me know.
     I am editing this story little by little.
      
     Please be aware that this chapters has some triggers and there is
     some violence. As for as name calling, harsh words and physical
     actions. In the begin of the chapter there is bold Italic writing.
     Part of Mickeys past is being told as he dreams it but is yet
     confused about it as well.
     Again I hope you all are liking this story as it does have a personal
     impact on experience I have had as well as a special friend of mines.
     Again please do leave your feed backs and only constructive criticism
     please. Thank you so much for your kudos and comments it really does
     brighten my day.
“Stop! Please leave me alone!” He gets smacked hard onto the floor and is being
dragged to the room. He’s thrown on the bed. His face is red, he has a bruise
that is now forming on his cheeks, his lip is split open and he can taste the
blood. The guy in front of him grabs him by his arms and yanks him down onto
his knees. He’s crying and is looking down on the floor, the guy yells at him
“Mickey look at me you piece of shit” He’s still looking down at the floor. His
face is now emotionless he’s crying tears but not making a sound. He slowly
looks up at the man, but can’t see a thing as it is blurry to him. He’s smacked
again but this time it’s with a belt to the face. The sting of the smack sends
him to the floor breathless and he’s holding his face again crying. The man
picks him up by his throat and throws him on to the bed. He sees a camera on,
at the end of the room, there’s other people in the room with them. A woman and
a man; he doesn’t know why they are there and not stopping this from happening
why won’t they stop him from being beaten. What did he do wrong!?
The Woman… she’s laughing now and walks over to the bed and then…… It’s black
now he just hears himself saying over and over again in cries of pain “Stop
STOP! STOP! STOP!    And then he wakes up sweating and exhausted more than
ever. He’s laid out in his bed confused about yet another dream he has that
makes no sense to him whatsoever. And whenever he tries to think of it and
remember it; he ends up with a bad headache and annoyed as fuck.
He’s in bed, yet he can’t remember going to bed. He was with Mandy yesterday
and they were talking about what was up with him, then nothing. He can’t
remember anything. He had flash of him and Mandy as she stormed off out of the
apartment apparently mad at him.
 “What the fuck happened? That’s the last time I drink beer and take fucking 4
pills of Tylenol again.” Mickey says to himself. His headaches were becoming
worse and he took more pain killers then he should. But to drink it with beer
yeah maybe that was reckless, which is why he can’t remember some of his time
with Mandy or how he must have crashed in bed. These blackouts were getting
worse, but right now he needed to get up.
Mickey reluctantly gets up from bed and goes into the bathroom to relieve
himself and wash up. He woke up in a cold sweat and was drenched. A nice hot
shower would wash away whatever the fuck he dreamt about. The dreams were
become more intense and he felt like as if they were real and tried to remember
them, but it was too much for him to remember. Plus they were just dreams…
Right? Really fucked up dreams if you asked him.
When he gets out of the shower he walks over to his dresser and saw two plane
tickets to New York. He did remember Mandy saying something about the club and
that one of them if not both needed to go out there to check up on them. She
must have got the tickets and left them in his room sometime yesterday when she
was over here. But he couldn’t remember agreeing to go with her. Either way if
the tickets were here that means he was going with Mandy and he needed to start
packing. The Tickets were for tonight, fuck Mandy must have really wanted to
get out there quick.
As he was getting his bag getting ready for the trip, he was making sure he had
his ID, wallet, and other things he would take on the plane because he had his
apartment out there and didn’t need much to take with him. Mickey heard his
front door slam. He walked out of his room and into the living room to find
Colt there and looked pissed off. He had his bag in his hand and was packing
his shit up. Mickey looked at Colt confused and walked towards him, Colt glared
at him and when Mickey went to reach out to touch Colt; Colt moved away from
Mickey looking at him with a death stare. Mickey was confused and there was
silence in the room for a few minutes before Mickey spoke.
“Okay, so what the hell is wrong with you? Why did you come here pissed off and
from what it seems you’re pissed at me? What did I do to you now?” Mickey said
to Colt tiredly.
Colt looked at Mickey like he was crazy and snorted with amusement. “What the
fuck did you do huh? Don’t fucking tell me you don’t know what the fuck you did
okay? You’re a piece of shit you know that! A low life piece of shit who should
fucking disappear from the earth. How the fuck could you do that shit Mickey?
To me of all people.” Colt said angrily and he continued “After everything I’ve
done for you!” Colt shouted now with venom in his voice. Mickey could smell the
alcohol on Colt breath as he spoke and Mickey made a crunched up facial
expression at Colt.
“What the fuck are you talking about Colt!?” Mickey shouted to Colt as he
walked past Mickey bumping him and going into Mickey’s room to get his things
and walked right out.
Colt turned to Mickey once he was out of his room and looked him dead in the
eye. “You know what the fuck you did last night asshole. Me being the concern
boyfriend called you to check up on you; you fucking blew me off saying ‘oh ima
spend time with Mandy and that I have to go to New York for business work for
the club so you can’t see me today’ which is bullshit seeing as you weren’t
with her yesterday at all you fucking liar.” Colt raised his voice every time
he spoke and it was pissing Mickey off. He didn’t like feeling small and hated
when anyone yelled at him.
“Colt! Mandy was here yesterday! I was with her. We were talking about and
hanging out and she brought over beers with pizza and we were discussing the
club in New York for a bit. I don’t understand what the fuck you mean; that I’m
lying to you and that I blew you off… She’s my sister she comes first. You know
that, we've had this argument before already.” Mickey was trying to calm
himself down. Mandy was his rock and yeah Colt was always jealous of that, but
that’s not Mickeys fault.
“No you fucking asshole, you were at the club. You! (Colt pushed Mickey
slightly now as he spoke) were at the fucking gay club downtown and you weren’t
with me you fucking prick!” Colt now pushed Mickey chest harder, and almost
made Mickey fall, but he managed to balance himself out before almost falling
onto the floor.
Mickey looked at Colt like he was fucking crazy. “Colt what the fuck are you
talking about!? I was here. I was home. Sleeping... Mandy was here, you can
call her and ask her yourself, and don’t fucking push me again.” Mickey shouted
back at Colt
“No fucking thank you; your siblings always lie for your stupid ass anyway,
they always have Mikhailo. Collin as always been some sort of protector over
you so I’m sure he knows you’ve been fucking behind my back. You think this is
some sort of joke don’t you…Laughing at me and playing me behind my back.
You’re a fucking piece of shit.” Colt was now inches away from Mickey face as
he spoke to him. The alcohol on his breath was more strong now as Mickey smelt
it.
Mickey was raised his voice and his blood started to boil at this point “First
of all; excuse me, what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Mickey took a step
back now looking Colt up and down and continued, (the one thing Mickey hated
the most was fighting with Colt while he was drunk. The other thing he hated
the most was Colt trying to make it seem Mickey was weak and would throw his
siblings at him. Yeah sure Collin raised him and helped take care of him, Mandy
was his best friend, and Iggy well Iggy was his brother that Mickey went to
just whenever really.)  “Look you know what…your bugging the fuck out, I don’t
have time for your stupid shit okay? You do this shit every fucking time
whether it’s a stupid argument we have and you involve my brothers and sister
for no fucking reason or its whenever I have to go to New York as if I can’t go
anywhere without you being there.”
“FUCK YOU!” Now Colt was in Mickeys face again and this time he was staring
down at him “You’re a coward you know that. If you wanted out of this
relationship, you should have said so! At least be a man about it Mickey…. No
you know what you’re not a man…You know what you are” There was a brief pause
and Colt started pointed his finger at Mickey speaking in a slur voice “you are
nothing. You’re a nobody who wishes he was a somebody! That’s why you have no
friends, you have no life, you work and fuck me and apparently fuck other guys
behind my back but you’re nobody, you piece of low life shit!”
Mickey was beyond pissed now “Fuck you Colt! Get the fuck out!” Now Mickey was
shouting at Colt. What Colt said was true he felt like a nobody most of the
times, and yeah he did have a few friends but he was a loner and Colt should
have not fucking went there with that. Knowing Mickey had trust issues and was
anti-social. It hurt nonetheless. But one thing’s for sure, was that Mickey
wasn’t fucking anybody else, he was with Colt and Colt alone. So he had no
fucking clue as to why Colt was acting this way towards him.
“What, the truth hurts don’t it.” Colt grabbed Mickey by his arms and roughly
pinned him against the wall with full force. Mickey was glaring at Colt now
like he was fucking crazy for pinning him against the wall. It made Mickey very
uncomfortable and he wanted Colt out now. So Mickey pushed Colt off of him and
told him to get the fuck out. He didn’t want to be near Colt let alone talk to
him when he was like this; drunk, angry at him apparently, and incoherent. Colt
was definitely looking for a fight, but Mickey wasn’t having that and he refuse
to let it get to far.
“No! I want to know why Mickey? Why the fuck you would cheat on me with some
random asshole huh? What? What does he do huh!? Does he grab you and fuck you
hard and rough? Is that it!?” Colt grabbed Mickey again and threw him on the
bed roughly he pinned Mickey on the bed. Mickey tries to get Colt off of him
and they scuffled for a bit as Mickey refused to have Colt pin him down. He
just wanted him to leave. Colt raised his hand and was about to hit Mickey as
he had him pinned down, but Mickey managed to block his hand. Then Colt got the
advantage again, and pinned Mickey down with one hand holding Mickey down
tightly and rough with full force hurting him, and the other groping Mickey.
Mickey hit his head slightly against the bed frame as he was trying to remove
Colt from off of him. He started to panic all of a sudden, and he’s trying hard
to push Colt off, but Colt had more advantage over Mickey. He was like he was
stronger than Mickey and Mickey is trying so hard to fight and get this asshole
off of him. But nothings working and Mickey is panicking more.
“Colt get the fuck off me… You’re drunk and you’re hurting me!” Mickey said
frantically, he felt like this had happened to him before and he was scared of
that feeling. So he thought maybe if he tried to talk to Colt in a more claim
and reasonable tone of voice that Colt would get off of him. “Colt…Colt please
stop, okay. Let just talk!  Please stop! ” The last words Mickey pleaded with
Colt, and he tried again to get his hands free from Colts hold, but it wasn’t
working. And Colt started to touch Mickey more aggressively. He went towards
Mickey neck and squeezed it slightly and then ran his hands down to his crouch
and grab him through his pants. Colt grabbed Mickey from inside his pants, and
was talking to him, but Mickey was lost and couldn’t hear Colt. Mickey didn’t
want this and all he was trying to do was get Colt off of him. But Colt wasn’t
getting off of Mickey and he wasn’t hearing him. Mickey started to breath heavy
and was getting dizzy. He was getting a headache and it was hurting like hell,
he closed his eyes from the pain. It was as if he was drifting off, and felt
himself leave. ( He could hear the voices again a little boy crying saying
“please stop, daddy please stop I don’t want to! Please stop it!)
He was looking at Colt now with a disgusting look on his face. He went ahead
and head bud Colt right in the fucking noise. Colt than grabbed his nose and
was when he pushed with full force, Colt off of him on to the floor and got up
off the bed, all in one fast motion. He walked over to Colt (who was on the
floor still in pain and bleeding a lot by the way) and looked at him and tilted
his head then kicked him right in the side of his stomach. Colt gasp for air
and cried for him to stop. He didn’t stop he continued to kick Colt and when he
was satisfied he stepped back and looked at the brown hair blue eye man on the
floor. Colt looked up to find Mickey standing over him holding a gun pointed
right at his face. Colt face turned white and he know looks like he sobering up
when he saw the gun.
“Get the fuck out NOW!......Don’t you ever! EVER touch him like that again!”
Mickey’s words made no sense, but they were venomous nonetheless as he cocked
the gun back ready to shoot Colt if he needed to.
Colt got up the best way he could, while holding his bleeding noise and most
likely broken ribs. He watches Mickey in fear and gets his things from the
floor and walks over to the door. He turns and looks at Mickey before he left
and said. “You know I knew you were crazy, but you’re still a pussy.” Colt said
carefully as he continued to look at Mickey holding the gun in his hand
pointing it right at Colt.
The black hair blues eyes man looks at Colt and smiles at him then said “Well
yah know what? You’re a fucking coward who would have raped me if I didn’t kick
your ass. So fuck  you  asshole… And so yah know; yeah I was with another guy
last night. A way better fuckin man than you dick breath… Now leave before I
put 2 in your chest!... We’re done, don’t fuckin ever come back here.”
“Please, I was done with you a long time ago Mickey. You…(Colt chuckles
lightly) you were just too blind to see that… So good riddens! If any of this
(he motion his hand between the two of them as he continued to talk) has taught
me anything it’s to never fall for the little cold heart pussy selfish prick of
a boy with fucking commitment issues.” Colt went to leave again and when the
door was open he looks at Mickey again and said “next time I see you I hope
your dying from bleeding out. Because knowing you Mickey; the first thing
you’re going to do when all of this is over with is do what you always do. When
you realized you fucked up a good thing like me, you’re going to go get your
razor and cut yourself like you always do when you can’t handle shit. But this
time take a warm shower and then cut your wrist vertically. That way you really
do fucking bleed out.” Colt said coldly
Whether Colt meant it or not, he didn’t know but frankly he didn’t give a fuck
either, all he could do was laugh at Colt as if he gave a fuck. “Fuck you,
asshole. That ain’t gonna happen. Now you can keep it the fuck movin’ you
drunkin piece of shit. I’m in control now.” He went ahead and shot the gun past
Colt’s head so that Colt knew he wasn’t fucking around. Colt dunk his head and
looked at Mickey like he was crazy.
“Any other smart as fuckin comments you wanna say before you leave?”
Colt was silent and with that he threw Mickey’s keys at him and slammed the
door. The blue eyes black hair man walked over to the door and locked it. He
goes and walks over to the bedroom and went into his dresser got out his
earring put it on his right ear like he always did. Got out the black nail
polish and did his nails real quick. Spiked his hair up and put his eyeliner on
carefully like he always did. Looking in the mirror he smiled, he was back and
ready to have fun. Colt was out of the picture just like he planned, and now to
just disappear was all he needed.
He looked at the time, the flight to New York didn’t leave for a while, so he
got his phone and called the one person he knew he could count on and for some
odd reason he felt safe with him. It was a new feeling…he never felt safe with
anyone. He always protected them and had to…You see he has always been the one
who was always the protector. So having someone else make him feel safe of all
things, was a new feeling. That whole shit with Colt brought him back and those
memories he hated were strong enough to let him be in control again. He was
able to come out and play; and this time Mickey wasn’t going to get in the way
of that.
The phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hey Baby! Um you think I can come over to your place?” He says over the phone
“ Yeah sure. You okay? ” For some reason he always knew when something was up.
Cough it up to him being an ex-military he thought.
There was silence over the phone and he didn’t know what to tell Ian. He must
have been thinking a little bit to long before Ian got suspicious and continued
to talk to him.
“Nick! What’s wrong? ” Ian said quickly after Nick didn’t say anything.
“Just an ex-boyfriend came around all drunk and shit, and tried to fight with
me and he got me riled up and I kicked his ass. I just want to be with you
right now okay. Is that a fucking problem to be with my boyfriend?” Nick said
it as if was nothing to Ian. For some reason he couldn’t lie to Ian about what
happen, if it was anyone else maybe. But this was Ian…Ian who was well….
“ What!? No its not. Wait why the fuck was he over there fighting with you? ”
Ian said with concern and worry in his voice.
“Weeell! He saw us at the club and was upset I’m guessing, he tried to attack
me, but I got the better hand and he left here with a broken nose” Nick said
with pride in his voice. He could hear Ian on the other line moving doing
something.
“ I’m going to go get you, give me your address now Nick.”  Ian was like that.
Protective as hell and who can blame him; Nick figured it was the whole
Military service protective time shit.
“Na baby, I don’t wanna be here. Plus I got all my shit packed, well what Ima
take anyway. Give me your address so I can go to you, you ass.” Nick says to
Ian.
Ian laughed then got serious and asks Nick  “are you sure you don’t want me to
come get you. I’m dressed and I can get you if- .”
“Nah I’m good I don’t need you to try and go all red hulk and shit... Plus when
I get there I will be undressing you” Nick was flirting with Ian over the phone
while walking around his Loft apartment getting his book-bag and putting the
tickets wallet and a few other things for the flight. He took the keys that
Colt threw at him and threw them in the garbage disposal. He didn’t care if he
broke it or not, he wanted nothing of Colt near them.
“ Okay baby see you soon.”  Ian says to Nick while laughing.
“Aight be finished with your packin ight. That way we can have fun before we
get on the plane.” Nick laughed and hung the phone up.
When he finishes getting dress, he smiles in the mirror and said to himself
looking at the mirror as if he was talking to someone else “don’t we look
fucking good Mick.” He laughed and left apartment with the book-bag in tow.
Nick walked out the building smiling and not giving a fuck, hopped in the car
and drove to the address Ian gave him.
Meanwhile Mandy was at her place with Collin in her living room. Iggy went out
to go get some food. They were talking about a few things and how Mandy was
going to go to New York for a few days for business. She mentions her whole
encounter with Mickey and how he might take some time off to. Collin then asked
how Mickey was doing, seeing as how Mandy told him she was going to Mickeys
apartment to check up on him because he was upset about something.
“So what was up him? He and Colt get into another stupid fucking argument
again.” Collin said while looking threw his phone.
“Well. Actually No. Apparently, he freaked out because he had a hickey on his
neck and went out and hooked with some random guy. Told me that the guy was hot
and packing apparently. Which was weird, because Mickey has never talked to me
about his sex life even before Colt?” Mandy says while sitting across from
Collin on her arm chair while looking up flights to New York on her computer.
Collin looked up from his phone shocked. “Wait. What? Mickey cheated on Colt?”
Collin paused then continued to talk “You know I asked him if he was fucking
around behind Colt’s back and he told me no. He nearly bit my fucking head
off.”
Collin didn’t say anything just shrugged it off. He tried to call Mickey this
afternoon, but got no answer. It went to voicemail. He knew his brother was
acting different, but that meant he lied to him when Collin asked him if he was
with another guy. Collin didn’t care if Mickey was gay, in fact Collin use to
threaten Mickeys old flames whenever Mickey would bring them home. Collin found
out Mickey was gay when he caught him. Catching your brother having sex was one
thing, but being his legal guardian and making sure he’d practice safe sex was
another. God he hated when he had to give Mickey the talk and he thanked god
when Mickey told him that Mandy already did that.
Collin always told Mickey that if he ever need anything or needed to talk to
him he would listen. Even if it was about boys; Collin didn’t care at all. As
long as Mickey was okay and that no one will hurt him. He made that promise to
his mother years ago before Mickey was born to always protect his brothers and
sister.  That was what Collin always did; protect them no matter what…
especially Mickey. So that one time he failed, it was Mickey who paid that
price for it.  For so many years Mickey paid the price for his stupid selfish
mistake. But that was in the past now.
 “Yup! Well, he told me. I mean he was acting different a little, but no more
than the normal of Mickey acting different you know…and hey did you know that
he speaks Ukrainian. He mumbled a few words to me and when I asked him since
when he spoke it, he fucking got defensive and shit.” Mandy now looked up from
her laptop and looked at Collin.
Collin leaned back against the sofa and looked at Mandy a little puzzled then
was thinking to himself before he spoke. “What you mean he was different all of
a sudden? Like what? And he speaking Ukrainian? Since when? As many times as I
tried to teach him, he never picked it up.”
“Yeah he spoke it clear and fine to me, like it was nothing to him. Then his
whole fucking attitude changed, I mean out of nowhere he was talking to me
somewhat rude, and I felt like he didn’t want me there even though he called me
over there.” Mandy said as she walked over to her purse and took out her wallet
and sat back down on her armed chair typing in the numbers of her debit card to
order tickets to New York “I mean I dropped basically fucking everything for
him. He just was acting different all of a sudden, not before I cursed his ass
out and told him to call me when he stops being a dick.” Mandy said slightly
annoyed at Mickey.
“Maybe he was stress and just needed to vent and took his attitude out on you.
I told you he was slightly off the other time I talked to him, but then again
Mickey fucking works and barely has any fun. I’m still surprised he told you
but not me…. that asshole.” Collin said with no heat in his voice.
“Yeah well the next time he calls me saying shit about he’s been having
somewhat of black out or not remembering things he’s done like that painting-do
you know he paints?” She said more to Collin rather than asking him, and then
continues on with her first thought “I’m just going to ignore his ass if he’s
going to be dick about it. I mean he practically kicked me out his house saying
he had and I quote “he had shit to do” as if I didn’t have shit I had to do,
but I dropped it all for his ass……This is the first time in a long time Mickey
has been selfish even for him.” Mandy said as she picked up the phone because
Iggy was calling her.
Collin eyebrows raised high above his hair. He was thinking to himself.
Blackouts, the last time Mickey had that he was….No that can’t be. Mickey was
fine, there was no way. When Mandy was done speaking with Iggy on the phone and
said he was on his way up stairs Collin looked at Mandy and frowned.
“Mandy you said that he mentions blackouts or not remembering things. What you
mean he was having problems remembering?” Collin said
“Well he said that he didn’t remember hooking up with anyone, and that he’s
been having headaches and shit. He was pretty freaked out, but then all of a
sudden he remembered and then he practically wanted me out. He even showed me
this really awesome painting that he said he didn’t remember doing, but that he
was painting this hot guy. And I have to admit, I know Mickey had his shit in
his studio, but I’ve never seen him paint that way. It was actually good. Like
as if it was really good. Didn’t know baby bro had that kind of talent.” Mandy
said as she went to the door to let Iggy in.
Collin got up all of a sudden, and went to the window and dials Mickeys number.
He was ringing and ringing then it went to voicemail.  He received a text a few
seconds later from Mickey.
Mickey : Leave me alone.
Collin : Mick I need to see can you talk.
Mickey : No! Bye.
Collin : Mick, seriously I need to see you.
Col\in : Mick please answer me.
Nothing came. Not another text or anything, and Colin had a bad feeling. He was
going to have to see Mickey and ask about his blackout to make sure that…. Well
to make sure what he was thinking wasn’t happening again. He just hoped the
past will stay in the past. But if this was happening and Mickey was having
black out and not remembering things. That was going to be a problem, but then
again there is a saying he has heard before. ‘The past never stays buried for
too long.’ And Collin had a feeling that Mickeys past was going to come back
and that meant that he, along with Mandy and Iggy we’re going to have to deal
with it and the consequence that came with it. The ones he hoped he buried and
that would never come out. He prayed and hoped for the past to stay buried.
However now only time will tell now.
Nick knew where Ian was at instantly; his address was familiar as he did grow
up on the south side as well. He pulled up in front of a house that looked kind
of warned out, but big nonetheless. He opens the gate and walks up the steps
and knocks on the door. He could hear a lot of noise from inside and wondered
if he had the right address and even looked back at make sure. Then he heard
someone say “SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO GET THE DOOR!” it sounded like a girl.
“I’ll get it!” He heard again the same girl say. When the door opens he was
greeted with a redhead girl who kind of looks like Ian, but right now he wasn’t
sure. She smiled at him and said “Hi can I help you?”
“Yeah does a tall redhead freckles green eye muscle man live here?” Nick said
with a giddy tone in his voice.
The girl laughed. “Yeah but he’s in the kitchen cooking… IAN! Someone here for
you and he hot!” She screamed out
“Let me him in Debs!” he heard Ian shout from inside. Nick smiles and follows
her inside the house.
The house was small, but comfortable in a way; when you first walk in you see
an old sofa with a throw over it, to your right is there’s a tv and on your
left is stairs that goes up, and a piano. Walking further into the house was a
kitchen you can see a back door and to your right it looks like an old beat up
washer and dryer, a door that looks like it goes to a basement or somewhere and
another staircase that must have led upstairs as well. He saw Ian on his right
over the stove cooking something. He leaned on the refrigerator and watched as
he sees his boyfriend cook. Ian takes his breath away even now just looking at
him.
Nick was laughing as Ian burns his hand with the steam that came from whatever
the fuck he was cooking. Ian turned around and leaned on the counter and
crossed his arms on his chest and looked at his Nick fondly.
“That’s not funny asshole” Ian said with no heat.
“Well it was hilarious to me” Nick says back and walks over to Ian and gave him
a long hard kiss, and then steps back with a smile on his face “You know I love
of man in the kitchen, especially when he’s only wearing an apron, jus so yah
know.”
“Ha ha ha, that’s not happening no time soon.” He went into the refrigerator
and grabs two beers from it and hands one to Nick.  “You got here pretty fast,
I wasn’t so sure you knew your way around here. You know being that you said
you haven’t visited the south side for years now.” Ian took a sip of his drink
and looks Nick up and down and bit his lip.
“Bitch please, you forgot when I told you I grew up on south side” Nick said
back
“Yeah so, but you haven’t been here in a long time; sure you can handle us
south siders?” Ian loved to fuck with Nick and tease him whenever he could, and
Nick was always a sucker for it.
“Fuck you, ass wipe. I know I can handle you in many ways and don’t forget
that.” He said and poked Ian in his chest and trailed his fingers down his
side.
Ian laughed softly and walked behind Nick and wraps his long arms around him
and buried his face in Nick neck kissing him and hugging him from behind. Then
he said gentle in his ear. “Ready to meet my family?”
Nicks eyes popped out then “What!?” he said as he turns and looks at Ian.
“Yeah that’s right I forgot to tell you that they decided to visit me and
Debbie and that Lips going to be staying here for a while for whatever reason
or some shit.” Ian said.
“You know when you said you had your own place with your younger sister, I
didn’t imagine here… So who’s here anyway?” Nick said.
“Well you met Debbie, and Lip, Fiona and Carl went to the store to get a few
things, and Liam is in his old bedroom.” Ian said.
“So this used to be your old childhood house or some shit?” Nick said looking
around the house more.
“Yeah. Fiona left with Carl and Liam when she got married to her husband, and
Debbie didn’t want to leave so her and Lip stayed here when I was overseas.
After I came home Debbie was the only one here, and me now. But the house seems
full again, so no privacy again for me. And the lack of hot water as it seems
has die all over again in this house. But other than that yeah.”   Ian told
Nick.
“Ian meeting your family man….. I mean shit you could have warned me at least.
I kind of don’t want to right now.  Isn’t that like too soon or some shit? I
only know what you told me, and from what you told me I don’t like neither
Fiona or Lip. More Fiona anyway, Lip I can most like try and not to punch him
in his fucking mouth. And that’s a big if; if he doesn’t go and says some
stupid shit that I don’t like.” Nick said looking at Ian trying to study his
face with what he said.
Ian had told Nick of how Fiona and him got into a heated argument before he
left to basic training. One of the reason why he left was because Fiona was
always complain about how much he was not giving enough for bills, or why he
was getting into so much trouble. She even went as far to say that Ian ruin her
whole life as well as all her other siblings ruined her life and that she
wished she didn’t have to be the responsible one, or the one to take care of
them. That was the last straw for Ian and he left and promised Debbie, Carl and
Liam he’ll come back for them. But Carl seemed to have forgiven Fiona, but not
Debbie which is why she stood behind when Fiona took her brothers and left.
Ian sighs heavy and looks and turns Nick around again to look at him. “Nick,
look okay. I know; I know what I’ve told you has an impact on how you see my
sister. But she came here and I didn’t know okay. Plus it’s been good to see my
brothers. So please behave. I know your mouth and attitude which is what a like
the most about you. Just if she says some slick shit out her mouth let me
handle it, and if you feel you need to go ahead and let her know, don’t. Okay.”
Nick looked at Ian seriously and raised his eyebrows up and said. “Not making
any promise.” And that was all Ian needed to hear from his boyfriend. He then
kisses his boyfriend on the forehead and moves to look at the food he was
cooking.
Debbie came down the stairs and saw her brother and his boyfriend being cute
together. She had to say, she really loved seeing Ian happy. When he got home
he was depressed and really miserable. He would come home and bring home random
guys and get stupid drunk and tell Debbie how much he missed Adam and that it
was his fault he’s dead. Debbie never asked about Adam when Ian was sober. She
knew it must have been a sore spot seeing as he didn’t mention it when he was
sober and not drunk. A lot happened to him when was deployed and coming home
she thought made it worse on Ian. Sometimes he would say he “wish he was never
home” or that “I hate being alive.” Granted he was going to the VA for
counselling and had yet to tell Debbie or anyone what happened out there when
he was deployed. For now she was happy that he was happy and had the sense of
life in him again.
Just then as she was about to say something cute, the front door flew open.
Walking in was Fiona, Lip and Carl. Debbie of course ignored Fiona when she
asked for help with the groceries. She instead went to help Ian with the food
he was cooking.  The three siblings went into the kitchen and dropped the
groceries on the table and then notice the short dark haired tattooed guy.
“Oh, so who is this?” Fiona said looking at the man in front of her up and down
examining him. Nick rolled his eye and Debbie laughed at what she saw.
Ian looks at the rest of his siblings and smiles whiling pointing in Nicks
direction. “This is Nick.” Then he gestures and points to his siblings “Nick,
this is Fiona, Carl, and Lip.” Nick waved his hand and nodded his head at the
same time.
“Okay so what for dinner man.” Lip said and looks at Nick and said “Hey you
staying for dinner?”
“Ah no, actually we aint staying for dinner, we gotta flight to catch” Nick
said and looks at Ian. “Right baby?”
Ian looks at his siblings and smiles at Nick. Fiona and Lip then look at Nick
like he was has two heads. Lip and Fiona both furrowed his eyebrows together,
but it’s Fiona who is shaking her head as if she motioning no. They look at Ian
and then back Nick and Ian again waiting for an explanation. Debbie knew about
the trip to New York. Ian told her last night, well this morning and he was so
excited just as she was for him. She wished she was going with them as well. He
told her next time he would ask Nick to bring her.
“Yeah. Why?” Ian said like it was nothing
“Why? Ian I thought we were having family dinner tonight?”  Fiona said to him
with a slight annoyed tone in her voice.
Nick raised his eyebrows ready to say something, but Ian looked at him secretly
asking him to please not say anything. He laughed and shakes his head not
saying anything and literally biting his fucking tongue. He was lucky he liked
Ian a lot, because if Ian did let him say something, he was going to tell her
to politely go fuck herself. And that Ian can do whatever the fuck he wants.
That he didn’t need anyone’s permission! Especially hers of all people. He
wanted to tell her this and that he was taking Ian with him whether or not she
liked it. Fucking Ian was lucky Nick was staying shut; and boy was it hard to
do right now.
“Well Fi, me and Nick had plans before you came over. So I’m not going to
change my plans. Plus the tickets are already bought and we leave tonight.” Ian
looks at his watch then and said “Actually we have to get going soon so we can
catch our flight.  New York doesn’t sleep and neither are we.” Ian said
sarcastically.
Lip was laughing and seemed not to care; he had just moved back in the house
recently and knew Ian had a boyfriend. He did ask about what the guy did for a
living and Ian said he was in the entertainment business, and nothing more.
 “So when are you guys coming back?” Lip asked
Before Ian can answer Nick spoke first “Maybe in about a week or more, depends’
on how things go out in New York, and if Ian wants to come back sooner or not.
Which I am hoping we stay longer. That way are trip can be way more fun.” Nick
was smiling as he slightly stuck the tip of his tongue out on the right side of
his mouth.
“Well shit, you trying to take him away?’ Lip laughed “Well you two have fun
and hey can you guys bring me back some sort of souvenir or some shit. Maybe a
New York steak or something; I heard those are pretty good. We can make them
here.” Lip said.
Nick smiled and raised his eyebrow and nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I can see what I
can do for yah.” Nick said and Ian smiled at him. Ian was happy that at least
Nick was somewhat getting along with his older brother or more like trying
anyways.
Fiona frowned and looks at them. She didn’t know anything about this Nick. Ian
and her didn’t talk that much so she didn’t even know he was involved with
anyone.
“A week, I mean what about your job? And you Nick” She looks at Nick and
continues talking “What about your job as well. I assume you work and being
gone for more than a week has to put a damper on your pocket correct?.” Fiona
said
Before Nick can answer Ian cut in and talked. “Nick has business in New York
and he can afford it, and as for me, I asked for some time off and my boss was
fine and said I can come back whenever. He’s an ex-marine so being military
brothers has that advantage. So I will be fine and have my job when I come
back. Plus if everything goes I’ll be coming back and starting the processes
for the academy. Being a police officer has its advantage Fi and it will be
good to get a nice vacation before I start studying again while I’m in the
academy” Ian said to her
Nick looks at Ian with a slight surprise expression. Granted Ian told him about
the police thing, but he didn’t think anything of it. He would talk to Ian more
about it later. Now he just wanted to get the fuck out of that house away from
Fiona’s stares.
Fiona nodded at what Ian told her and then turned to Nick and asks “What kind
of business do you have in New York?” Fiona asked.
“That’s for me and Ian to know, (what he really wanted to say was ‘None of your
fucking business bitch’ but didn’t and continued speaking to her nicely, or as
nicely as he could) but also my job here; they sorta love me…so firing me is
out of the question, the customers love me too much.” Nick said smugly and fake
smiled at Fiona.
“What kind of job do you have?” Fiona asks and continues to question Nick. Nick
was slightly annoyed with being questioned, but Ian asked him to be nice. So he
answers her any way, without biting her fucking head off.
“I’m in the entertainment business.” Nick said with a tight smile
“What kind of entertainment?” Fiona asks quickly while raising her eyebrows.
“What’s with the fucking 20 questions Fi? He works that it, nothing more! Quit
fucking asking Nick question like he has to answer you. You’re not a goddamn
fucking cop or his mother.” Ian snapped. Nick guessed Ian was getting just as
annoyed as he was with Fiona and asking him fucking question like the damn
parent.
But Nick decided to amuse Fiona and himself by answering her question anyway,
in hopes it got a rise out of her.
“Ima dancer. Exotic actually, and I own clubs in New York. I draw and paint and
shit. Oh and plus I DJ from time to time and play a few different instrument
whenever the fuck I feel like it. But Ima dancer!” Nick said without blinking
an eye.
Fiona blinked a few times and had a glare of disgust look on her face. Ian
looks at Nick and raises his eyebrows at him and laughed. He knew Nick couldn’t
contain himself from being an asshole much longer, and his answer to Fiona
clearly said it.
At the same time Nick told Fiona this before she processed what he said, Lip
spit his drink out and started laughing and gave Nick a thumbs up before
sitting back against the chair. Debbie smiled and laughed to herself. She
already knew what Nick did for a living, and Carl well. Carl didn’t seem to
care as he just looks up from his seat. Carl looked like he was thinking about
what Nick had just said. Then Fiona spoke….
“You’re a what? ... Ian. Seriously?” Fiona said in disbelief.
“Fi, that’s not you concern okay, so back the fuck off.” Ian said with no heat
behind his voice, but it was clear that he didn’t want her to start anything
with her.
With that Ian made his way up stairs and turned to signal Nick to follow him,
which he did. He led him to the back of the room. It was an average size room
and it reminded Nick of the past.  But this was Ian’s home, not the Milkovich
house of hell. Ian then grabs Nick and kisses him roughly and Nick deepens the
kiss. Nick broke the kiss and smiles up at Ian. “We have to go soon, the
plane.” Nick said.
“Hmmm……yeah; So…you think you’re funny for that little show you put on down
stair huh?” Ian said.
Nick smiled and nodded his head yeah. “Come on man we have to go. Plus anyways
your sister was starting with me so I had to” Nick laughed and looked at Ian
fondly
“You know… I think… I kind of like you a lot more now. But Fiona’s face was
priceless, and I think you just might maybe be Debbie’s new best friend.” Ian
said with a smile on his face.
“Oh yeah; Well she ight. She did seem to be more down to earth and shit. You
talk about me to her red?” Nick asked Ian.
“Yeah…so. You got a problem that.” Ian said smiling at Nick. And Nick loved it.
Ian continues to talk to Nick with a serious concerned look on his face. “Are
we going to talk about your ex going to your house?”
“Nothin’ to talk about Red. He’s gone. It’s done. Don’t wanna talk about that
shit either okay.” Nick said looking straight up at Ian.
Ian nodded his head and drops the subject for now, but was definitely going to
get the answer later on. But for now he just wanted to head out and have a nice
time with his boyfriend in New York.  New Fucking York! There was a silence as
they look at each other. Then Ian broke the silence and said.
“So more than a week or just a week?” Ian asked curiously
“What?” Nick said as if he was breaking out of some sort of train of thought
when looking at Ian.
“The Trip smart ass. You told Lip maybe more than a week… Are you trying to
kidnap?” He grinned at Nick as he spoke.
“Fuck… See you caught me. That was my master plan! It was to get you to New
York and keep you there or maybe go from New York to I don’t know…fucking LA,
or Seattle, or maybe fucking Canada. See I haven’t decided if I should hold you
as a hostage yet.” Nick with a devilish smile.
With that Ian grabbed his bag and held out his hand to Nick, who took it
instantly. They walked down stairs hand in hand. Ian told his family he was
heading out, so that he and Nick didn’t miss their flight. Debbie hugged and
kissed him bye, she even hugged Nick, who was surprised and awkwardly hugged
her back. He waved bye to everyone else. When Ian and Lip were talking at the
front door Nick gave Fiona the finger before walking outside and dragging Ian
with him. Debbie was laughing because she saw what Nick did and gave him nod of
approval.
Nick laughed while getting in the car. He felt like Debbie was mostly likely
going to be his favorite, besides Ian of course. From there they were off to
the airport to board the plane to New York.
There journey in New York will surely shape and change things between them.
Whether it’s for the best or for the worse… that’s for them to decide in the
end of the day.
***** New York *****
Chapter Summary
     Their time in New York was one hell of an adventure.
Chapter Notes
     If there ARE any errors please let me know so I can fix it. xoxo
     thanks guys
      
     The Bold font is of Nick speaking just so no one gets confused and I
     also put the parentheses with Italic fonts is of Nick thinking to
     himself and also me translating what some words mean in Spanish and
     Ukrainian.
     There is some mention of light child abuse but not really just felt
     like I should put it out there Terry being the evil guy he is. Also
     this chapter is solely Ian and Nick.
     Again let me know what you think I Do appreciate your comments and
     kudos so much. i will try to have the next chapter up by Sunday.
     Thank you all again.
New York was something amazing; yeah Ian had been here once when he deployed
for a minor brief time which was like 3 days; but it was nothing compared to
being with someone he was falling for. Yeah he can say that was, but he
wouldn’t let Nick know that. He didn’t want to scare the man off. It had been a
long time since Adam.
After the plane landed in LaGuardia AirPort; Ian and Nick made their way to get
there bags. From there they walked outside the airport. Nick had told Ian to
wait for him a moment, that he would go get the car. What Ian didn’t know was
that technically Nick didn’t own a car, rather he said he borrowed it.
“ Ian wait for me right there on the corner okay. I should be about 10 or 15
minutes tops.”  Nick said as he pointed to where he wanted Ian to be at.
Ian nodded his head at Nick. He was a little tired from the plane ride, but was
excited nonetheless. Nick went off to go get the car and Ian waited. Sure
enough about 13 minutes later Nick shows up pulling in on a Midnight black 2015
Jaguar XKR Convertible. Yelling for Ian to hope in.
“ Get In Now!” Nick yelled
“What!?” Ian said surprisingly while looking at the direction Nick was calling
him from
” Just get in now! Hurry the fuck up! Come on!”  Nick said in a hurry
Ian didn’t open the door; he just jumps in the passenger seat as Nick sped off
laughing. It was only then that Ian saw that Nick had no keys in the car, but
rather that under the dashboard there were cables pulled out and crossed
together. Ian looked at Nick and was about to say something, but when Nick just
laughed and smiled at Ian. He couldn’t help but be amazed with astonishment as
he knew Nick went ahead and stole this car. Ian just laughs and shrugs it off.
They park the car at 125 in Madison avenue.  Ian and Nick get out the car and
they grab their bags. Nick takes out a cigarette and lights it up while walking
towards the upper west-side of Manhattan at night. They walk to the 125 th
train station in nice comfortable silence. Ian takes the cigarette from Nick
every now and then smoking it together without saying a word.  They managed to
get on the train and get off at 163 rd  in Amsterdam on the C line and continue
walking from there.
Before they reach their destination spot they stop at a corner store and decide
to grab a few things.
“ Hey why don’t you grab whatever you want and I’ll order us some sandwiches.
Okay ?” Nick said to Ian
Ian nods his head and grabs a few chips, drinks, and other things. He figures
Nicks refrigerator must be empty so he gets eggs, bread and milk just in case.
On his way to the counter Ian hears Nick speaking, but it’s not in English;
which he is slightly surprise. He didn’t know Nick can speak a different
language, than again Nick didn’t know that Ian knew how to speak 3 different
languages either. Being in the military and stations in other countries will do
that do you.
“ Déjame 2 sandwiches. Jamón y queso con pavo y salami. Con un poco de sal u
pimienta, lechuga y tomates.”  (Let me get two sandwiches with ham, cheese,
turkey and Salami, with a little bit of salt pepper. Lettuce and tomatoes) Nick
speaks Spanish as if it’s his first language and Ian can help but be amused by
his boyfriend. He puts all the stuff on the counters and looks at Nick with a
smile that can only be described as beyond beautiful in Nicks eyes.
“ What?”  Nick says as Ian continues to look at him and not say a damn word
“Oh nothing, I just didn’t know you can speak Spanish?” Ian says curiously to
Nick.
“ Yeah well that’s not all I can speak.”  Nick says wiggling his eyebrows at
Ian who just laughs
The woman at the counters overhears their conversation and smiles to herself.
She can’t help but not look at them and smile fondly over them.  She asked Nick
if that was all they were going to have and Nick nodded his head yes. She then
begins to ring up the food cost, and place them inside a black plastic bag when
Ian then asks her a question.
“Cuanto es todo?”(How much is everything?) Ian says and smiles at the store
clerk.
She smiles and tells him $18.50. And before Nick can protest against Ian
paying. Ian pulls a 20 dollar out of his pocket and give it to the lady.
“Mantén el cambio” (keep the change) Ian tells her while winking at her. Nick
looks at Ian and raises his eyebrows with a smirk on his face. He shakes his
head and grabs some of the bags on the counters, but not before winking at the
woman over the counter. She smile and blushes as he and Ian leave the store.
“ You didn’t tell me you knew how to speak Spanish?”  Nick says to Ian
“Yeah well I know how to speak Spanish, French and German, which by the way is
somewhat harder in my opinion…Plus you didn’t tell me you knew how to speak
Spanish either asshole.” Ian says
Nick laughs and then says  “Yeah well I know how to speak Spanish, Italian,
Ukrainian, Russian which to me is similar once you know how to speak either one
you’re good. I also know how to speak a little bit of French. And I learned
that because I got bored one day and decided to teach myself…Umm oh yeah and I
know how to speak Latin. And before you say it. No. Spanish and Latin are
different. So if I wanted to say ‘how are you’ in Spanish I would say-
“Como estas” Ian says cutting Nick off at his sentence.
“ Right. But if I say it in Latin it’s ‘quomodo es’. See the difference. Some
people think it’s similar but it’s not.  At least not to me.” Nick says as he
walks and Ian follows him
“So you’re like a genius nerd huh” Ian says
Nick gives him the finger and says “ No I just know a lot of shit okay”.
“Yeah like how to hotwire a car?” Ian says to Nick.
“Hey I didn’t see you complaining did I?”  Nick tells Ian while smiling at him
playfully.
“No, but you didn’t have to hot-wire a car. We could have taken a cab.” Ian
tells his boyfriend who just shrugs at his response.
“ Oh please! I was not about to pay an arm and a fuckin leg for that shit. Plus
anyways you know you like it. I saw you smiling and enjoying the rush….Admit
it, you like being bad with me ” Nick says in a seductive tone.
Ian can’t help but smile and nod as they continue to walk. They stop at 1071
Saint Nicholas Avenue. Nick goes through his bag and pulls out the keys. And
together they walk in the building and go up 2 flights of stairs. Ian follows
Nick to his apartment. When he opens the door the place is pretty big. As soon
as you walk in, the living room is right there, to your left is a big bathroom,
turning more into the apartment is the kitchen. Then walking back to the
entrance of the apartment is a long hallway. Ian can tell there are two rooms.
He places the groceries on top of the table in the kitchen and Nick starts to
take the stuff out and tells Ian to just make hisselve at home. He walks away
and leaves Ian there alone.
Ian feels a bit awkward at first. This isn’t his house and he’s praying to god
right now that this is Nicks place, seeing as he stole a car early.  His fears
are put aside when he feels Nick come up from behind him and place a soft kiss
on his neck. It seems like Nick knew what Ian was thinking because the next
words out his mouth made Ian laugh nervously at him.
“ Yes Ian. This is my place, and no I didn’t steal it. Although they do think
that I have an elderly woman living here, and they think shes my grandmother,
but I don’t.  And before you ask, don’t, because I ain’t gonna tell you.”  Nick
says to Ian.
He then grabs Ian by his hands and brings him to the bathroom. Nick then helps
strips Ian down and turns the water on. Nick goes first in the shower and holds
his hand out to Ian to take. Ian hopes in with him and lets the water hit him.
Ian make a groan sounds seeing as the water pressure in this shower is just
right and Nick can’t help but laugh a little at Ian. Nick takes the shampoo
pours it in his hand and begins to wash Ians hair. Ian tilts his head back and
lets Nick do whatever he wants to him. Nick pushes Ian into the water to wash
away the soap. He grabs the bar of soap and begins to washing Ian up. Carefully
yet roughly washing his chest and then slowly he lowers his hands to Ian abs,
and then turns him around to wash his back. Ian turns around and looks Nick in
his eyes full of lust and need. He leans forward and captures Nick lips and
kisses him rough and deep. Nick puts his arms around his neck bring him closer
to him.
They take a break from the kissing one another for a moment. Nick then soaps
around Ian cock which is hard now. He smiles at Ian and licks his lips. He then
allows the water to wash away the soap. Nick takes the soap in his hand and
begins to wash himself up nice and slow. Allowing Ian to look at him with lust
and want. Nick closes his eyes and runs his hand around his neck, down his
chest towards his stomach and down to his cock. He opens his eye to sees Ian
eye fucking him literally.
“ Wash my back?”  Nick asks innocently to Ian. And all Ian can do it nod his
head and Nick turns around.
Ian’s washing Nicks back, but stops when to grab Nicks’ ass and starts to
massage it. Ian bends down and bite Nick ass and Nick grasped for air and makes
a moaning sound. Ian then turned Nick around and took him right into his mouth.
Nick lean his head back and moaned more as Ian was sucking the life out of him.
 Moving his tongue and doing things that Nick never thought he would experience
or thought he would feel.
Nick fist Ian’s hair which only turns Ian on as he took one finger and played
with Nicks rim. Teasing him which only made Nick want him more. Ian pushes his
index finger in Nick who made a groaning sound. He was panting heavily as Ian
continued to fuck him with one finger and suck him off. Then another finger
enters Nick and he’s done for. Ian hits Nick sweet spot and Nick is jerking his
hips frantically. Ian then begins to play with Nick head just sucking on the
tip of it before releasing it. He turns Nick around and bends him over and
slicks himself inside Nick. Nick moans even louder “ Mmmmm fuck”  and Ian can’t
help but smirk from Nick’s response.
Once Ian buried deep in Nick, he starts to move and he’s at a decent pace, but
it picks up more when Nick tells him  “Fuck…faster….mmmm Ian! harder faster!”
Which sends Ian over the edge and his hips are becoming more erotic.  
“Fuck I’m close Nick…. Fuck” Ian says breathless
Before Ian can reach around and grabs Nicks’ dick to get him off; Nick tenses
up and clenches down on Ian penis and is cumming without being touch and that
sends Ian over the edge. He reaches his climax in two hard deep thrust. They
stay there for a moment and Ian is holding Nick from behind whispering things
to Nick that send him in a state of bliss.  Ian then slowly removes himself
from inside of Nick carefully and then brings the black hair man into the water
to finish washing him up. Ian helps Nick clean himself up again and together
they make out in the water. Ian is in bliss, loving this feeling so much that
he doesn’t want it to ever end. He wants this; this feeling with Nick to stay
forever; that much he knows, and feels. But for some reason he can’t help but
feel something may go wrong. For now he just pushes that thought aside and
continues to hold Nick.
Nick is on cloud nine right now and can’t help but smile at Ian.  He looks at
Ian with sad eye now, battling with his thoughts. He knows now that he can’t
lose Ian. Not to know one. Yeah sure Ian was supposed to be a one time thing,
but for some reason Nick was on this guy. He felt as if he was being pulled
towards him.  He has done so much, and has been through so much, that yes he
feels that he deserves this. He deserves happiness and doesn’t care who he has
to go through or what he has to do to keep.
Both men get out of the shower. Nick goes into the kitchen naked and all just
like the day he was born. Not really caring at all if the people across the
street can see him.  He grabs the food and makes his way to his room. Ian is
already sitting on his bed with his boxers on and Nick can’t help but grin at
Ian.
“ You know you look better with nothin on right.”  Nick says to Ian smiling
looking up and down at him.
Ian laughs at his comment and shakes his head. “Do I? Mmmm I think I prefer to
wear clothes seeing as you don’t know how to close your curtains to your
place.” Ian point to the window.
Nick shrugs and gets a pair of sweat pant and puts them on. “ Hey if people
don’t like what they see, that’s their problem not mines. Fuckers shouldn’t be
lookin at my apartment ”.
Ian can’t help but smile at the short man and grabs the food that’s in his
hands. “This sandwich better be good or I’m gonna kick your ass seeing as you
order it for me.” Ian said to Nick
“ Yeah okay tough guy I can still take your ass. And yes you will love it. They
make fuckin good ass sandwiches at the deli there.”
Ian takes a bite of his sandwich and moans in approval of how good it is. “Okay
good, you got this one babe.”
“ Of course I do, I’m fuckin awesome, cute, adorable, have a great ass, and I’m
talented as fuck if you know what I mean .” Nick said wiggling his eyebrows at
Ian and making the taller man nearly choke on his food. Ian nearly choked on
his food and laughs. Let him be damned, but Nick was right.
After they finish eating both men lay down in bed. They talk about random
things that pop in their head.  Things about, which hockey team is better, or
who’s a cuter actor Colton Haynes or Josh Hutcherson. After talking about
random shit Ian brings up something that been on his mind since Nick mentioned
it.
“So your ex came over to your house or what?”
Nick huffed and sat up. “ He was there…he uh came in, got upset, tried to force
himself on me and I got the upper hand. Nothin more to it aight.”
Ian sat up and looked Nick dead in his eyes. “He tried to force himself on you?
What the fuck! Why didn’t you say anything?”
“ Cause I knew you act all fuckin crazy and I can take care of myself ight. I
got this. He ain’t gonna bother me no more. Trust me okay…. You do trust me
right?
“Yeah I trust you just not everyone else.” Ian says
“ Yeah I get that, but come on I ain’t gonna let no asshole try to overpower me
okay. I’m not some fucking 5 year old boy anymore. I don’t know what part about
I know how to defend myself you still ain’t getting.”  Nick says a little
annoyed at Ian.
“Look I know you can okay, it’s just you can’t expect me to be fine with all of
that and expect me to back off Nick.” Ian says straight away to Nick. He’s now
worried for his boyfriend so sue him if he is.
“ Okay. So let’s just drop it aight.”  Nick says and lies down on Ian’s chest
and closes his eyes. Ian knew it was a lost cost to try and talk about it more.
When Nick would brush off something he didn’t want to talk about, that was the
end of it. It would never be mentioned again. If Ian would try and mention it,
Nick would just ignore him and talk about something else. So Ian just sighs and
nods his head yes while he lies back up against the pillow on the bed and runs
his hand threw Nicks hair. Together they fall asleep fast in each other’s arms.
Waking up together was something different for both men. Usually Nick would
leave Ian in the hotel room with everything already paid for. He wasn’t use to
waking up with someone holding him, and to him it felt quiet nice. He looks up
at Ian and smiles. He then lies back down and closes his eyes again. He refused
to get up and interrupt Ian's sleep; however his bladder thought otherwise. So
he got up carefully from the bed and went into the bathroom. He took a piss and
washed his hands and begins to freshen up a bit. When he was done he looks at
the mirror he saw a familiar face in the mirror looking at him.  Nick smiles
and waved hi. Then walks out the bathroom and then all of a sudden he starts to
get another headache, but this headache was light. He starts to hear his voice
again and begin rubbing his head. “Where the fuck am I? Why am here? Shit this
can’t be happening again. No!” but just as the voice came quickly it left.
“ I’m stronger than you Mick .” Nick whispers to himself almost as if the other
man can hear him which he knows he can’t…at least not yet. Then he notice Ian’s
up and smiles at him.
Ian looks at him with a weird expression on his face and then points to the
pictures on the wall. He hadn’t seen them yesterday when they came in and now
he’s just noticing them.
“Who are they?” Ian asks Nick
Nick was silent and looked down at his hands. Fuck meant to hide those fucking
pictures. Ian trust Nick…but Nick wasn’t exactly being truthful to Ian, not
about his family anyways. Yeah Ian asked about his family, but Nick would cough
it up to him not having any or just change the subject. Ian must have sense
something because he asks Nick a question again and for some reason Nick
couldn’t lie to him.
“Okay again. I’m going to ask you again, who are these people with you in the
picture? Are they your family?” Ian says to Nick
“ I um fuck…it’s just….fuck.”  Nick huffed out
“What is it?!” Ian says in a serious tone.
“I haven’t been honest completely, but I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t
want yah to think that the trust we have is broken cause that’s not my
intention okay.  I aint perfect Ian and yeah I lie but I’m not use to havin
someone care of me, like the way you do. So yeah I won’t tell yah everythin or
I won’t let you in on certain things about me okay. But for some fuckin reason
I don’t think it’s a big thing but you might ight .” Nick was rambling when he
stop to look at Ian who was looking at him hard and emotionless.
Ian looked away and didn’t know what to say about what Nick was saying to him
right now. He was making no sense at all and Ian was becoming confused yet
annoyed at the same time. So he decided to listen to his boyfriend before
assuming anything. But he couldn’t help but ask him one question that went
through his mind.
Joking around Ian asks Nick “Are you cheating on me? Or something” Ian laugh to
break the tension he sees Nick who is still tense up and then he wonders ‘shit’
 “OMG this isn’t your place and were breaking and entering is that it?” Ian
asked
“ What?! … Fuck No Ian I aint cheating on you and no this is my place okay,
it’s just.”  Nick says but just stops talking
“Then what the fuck? Explain to me what you were just fucking rambling on
about. I trust you, so start fucking explaining to me right now because I swear
this (Ian moved his hands back and forth between him in Nick as he spoke) what
we have will end. I’m tired of being hurt, of being lied to and especial I’m
just fucking tired in general Nick and you know that. You know how life has
fucked me over and over again and – “
Nick cut Ian off as he was speaking “ No! It’s nothin like that ight. I just
…ugh … I just…”  Nick sigh and then continued because not even a semi lie can
help him out of this. “ Okay remember when you asked me about my family? And
how I said I had no one.”  Ian nodded his head and Nick took that as a signal
to continue.  “Okay well that’s not true in a way. I have siblings I just don’t
like being around them. Like at all. I can’t stand them, I don’t trust them and
I know they don’t like me, and I don’t like them end of it. That’s why I told
yah I aint have any siblings or family. I put up with them but only if I have
to, and that’s on rare occasions.”  Nick says
“Why did you lie about that? And why don’t your siblings like you? And how many
do you have?” Ian asks Nick
“ I don’t see them as siblings honestly, that’s why when you asked about them I
said I don’t have none. Plus were not close. I’m the baby of them all. I have
two brother and an older sister as you can see from the picture. I never knew
my mom. She died at childbirth with me, and I don’t care for Terry, let alone I
don’t like to mention him….Memories with him are not the best and…(Nick licks
his lips and shakes his head and looks away as he speaks).. I don’t like to
bring up the past.”  Nick says lowly as if he was whispering and Ian walks to
him and grabs and holds Nick.
“Hey can I ask you something? And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to
okay.” Ian say
“Sure ” Nick says and shrugs his shoulders
“Did he give you these scars?” Ian asks as he traces them along Nicks sides and
his then motions to Nicks arms and thighs.
Nick becomes slightly uncomfortable now. Bring up the past he can handle, but
that didn’t mean he like it all. And some memories he wish he didn’t remember.
Like the burned marks, or the cuts on the side of his stomach that are barely
visible now, but if you looked carefully like Ian did you can see them.
“ Um yeah...that’s all he gave me, but um... not the ones on my arms. I
actually can’t remember how those got there. But yeah that why I have to put
makeup on when I’m dancing at the club as you found out when we first hooked up
asshole. Thank god for cover ups”  Nick laughs trying to change the subject and
move on from it. But Ian can’t help but hold Nick more tightly bringing him
closer to him. For some reason Nick can’t help but feel safe in Ian’s arms and
doesn’t push away from his embrace.
“It that why you don’t talk about your past so much?” Ian asks softly.
“ Yup…among other things ” Nick says flatly with no emotion in his voice.
Hoping Ian would drop the subject fast.
“So why don’t you think your brothers and sister don’t like you? I mean there
your siblings they have to love you right? Plus you grew up with them.” Ian
said
“ Not really. They um, they were always out of the house and I was there alone
a lot by myself so. (Nick shrugs his shoulders again and looks away) Plus if
they knew who I was they would try to change me back. And I can’t let that
happen, I have too much to lose .”
“Would they keep us away from each other? Is that what you’re afraid to lose?”
Ian asks Nick softly against his ear.
Nick looks Ian in his eye and leans in and kisses him gently and answers him “
Maybe ” against his lips. He leans into Ian’s grasp and places his head over
Ian’s heart and closes his eyes.
Nick sighs loudly then says “ Okay enough of this sappy shit…let’s get dress
and get the fuck outta here. We have a whole city waiting for us to rule, and I
ain’t coming back here until you Mr. Gallagher have had the best time of your
life. We officially start day one of fuckin fun okay”
“Okay tough guy” Mocking Nicks tone of voice last night. Nick slaps him in the
ass and walks away.
That whole first week of being in New York, Nick and Ian went everywhere they
can think of. They spent one whole day going to as many museums as they could.
The first went to the American Museum of Natural History, then to the
Metropolitan Museum of Art, then to MoMA the Museum of Modern Art, which was
their favorite. Museum of Sex they found to be boring yet entertaining as they
made fun of people in the museum around them. They went to the Brooklyn Museum,
and finally Nick asks Ian if he wanted to see the Intrepid Sea Air & space
museum; which Ian loved the most. After their long days of sightseeing almost
every museum they can think of or looked up, which was a lot. They ate out and
watched 2 movies before returning back to the apartment exhausted and that was
just the first day out.
Throughout the week they went everywhere they could think of; from going to a
Gotham Bar and Grill, to eating at all the spots in Hell kitchen. The walked
around near Columbus Circle and took in the sight of central park. They
especially had fun one night at the Iron Horse Bar downtown Manhattan. Best
drinks they had until they hit a bar in the East Village. Then they felt more
alive and at home you can say in away. The clubs seen was all Nick and he was
able to get him and Ian into any club without paying, which was nice. Every
other night they hit up a different club, and if it wasn’t a club, it was a
party Nick managed to crash but flirting with hostess. Ian didn’t mind because
Nick told him what he was doing, just so he didn’t jealous to much anyways.
Nick was a wild one and Ian loved it every bit of it.  
This one particular night, they went out to Club Cielo, which was a dance club.
The bouncers seem to know Nick and let him in without a question. The dance
floor was a bit small but with people on it nonetheless enjoying the night
away. The DJ managed to keep the music flowing and then Nick told Ian to follow
him after they had a few drinks. They went up to the stage where the DJ was at
and Nick was talking to the DJ. They exchanged hugs.
Nick Introduced Ian to the DJ they seemed to be old friends. Ian waved and Nick
motion for him to relax. Next thing Ian sees is the DJ introducing Nick as DJ
Nasty Nick and the crowd goes while. Everyone seemed to know Nick on the Mic
and it was an amazing from Ian’s viewpoint. Nick was on the mic next to the DJ
equipment and he’s playing music. Like actually playing and mixing music the
night away. And he was really good at it. Ian couldn’t help but be memorized by
Nick. There was so much he was still learning about his boyfriend and god did
he love it. And god he was falling for him this guys who walked into his life 6
months ago. The night went on as Ian and Nick dancing side by side while he DJ
and the whole club loved every bit of it.
Ian went to Nick ear and said to him over the music “I didn’t know you can DJ?”
“ There a lot you don’t know about me Gallagher, but you’re gonna find out
watch.”  Nick says and winks at his boyfriend while changing the music up. Ian
leans in and kisses Nick deeply and Nick is grinding up on him. Ian breaks the
kiss from Nick, Nick is smiling at Ian as Ian tries hard to control himself.
 Ian goes behind Nick and together there dancing like no one is watching and
it’s the best fucking feeling they both have. Nick wraps his hand behind him
and grabs Ian by the neck and continues to grind on him, he can feel Ian hard
threw his pants and smiles has he continues.
That night they were in such bliss. Getting back to the apartment was
interesting to say nonetheless. Ian wanted to take the train but Nick refused
it. He pushed Ian in the cab and they were off. Making their way into the
apartment both men couldn’t keep they hands off of each other.  Clothes were
coming off instantly and Nick pushed Ian on to the door and started to kiss him
hard and rough, feeling his tongue brush against Ian teeth. He didn’t stop even
when he was out of breathless. Ian broke the kiss and looks at Nick with hunger
in his eyes. He took his shirt off just as Nick took his off. He grabs Nick by
his waist and lifts him up. Nick responded and wrapped his legs and arms around
Ian and held onto him, while biting and sucking on his lips. Ian didn’t make it
the bed room as he and Nick fell on the couch in the living room and begin to
strip away Nick’s pants. Nick did the same to Ian, now that he was on top of
him straddling him.
Once they were rid of their pants and boxers Ian had remember to grab the lube
from his pants and put some in his hands.  He pushes two fingers inside Nick
and Nick responded with a loud moan and begin to move his ass up and down on
Ian’s fingers fucking himself. “I’m good just fuck me now” Nick said in between
kissing Ian and moving his hips.
Ian knew Nick was still good from their morning fuck fest, actually since they
had been going at it since they landed from the airport. So Nick was still open
and ready for Ian.  Nick was the one who broke the kiss this time from Ian. He
then positions himself above Ian and quickly took Ian in. It was hard and rough
and the pain felt so good to him. Even Ian eyes widen and gasp for air as Nick
started to ride him roughly into the couch. Nick was holding onto the couch and
was moving himself up and down fast. Ian places his hands on Nick hips and was
meeting his thrust faster and erotic. He then decided to grab Nick by his
thighs and have him wrap his legs around him again. “Hold…..Hold on to me
baby.” Ian says in a husky voice. Nick does what he’s told and wraps his arms
and legs around Ian again.
Ian lifts Nick up with ease and walks to the wall and begins to fuck Nick
harder up against the wall. Nick has one arm on Ian and the other on the wall
as if he’s bracing himself while Ian fuck him good and hard. He’s going faster
and harder and the new position has Nick begin for more. He’s not even aware
that he’s doing it. Ian bites down on Nick shoulders and begins to suck on his
neck as he’s fucking him right. Ian’s hits Nick’s spot and he can feel Nick
tighten his hole around Ian’s dick. Ian keeps going and keeps fucking even when
Nick is coming on them. Ian just keeps fucking Nick up against the wall. And
Nick doesn’t stop Ian, instead he encourages him to keep going. Telling him he
wants it all, and to not stop. His lips are parted as he tries to kiss Ian but
he can’t the sensation he feels is so much that he can’t think.
Ian is about to go over the edge and he can feel his stomach heating up. His
orgasm is slowly approaching him so he fucks Nick faster, snapping his hips up
more deeper inside of Nick. Nick is sucking on Ian neck leaving a nice mark.
Nick starts to kiss Ian again as he feels another orgasm coming up on him. He
sucks on Ian’s bottom lip and he draws blood as he bites down on it and now
he’s cumming again for the second time without being touch and at the same time
that sends Ian over the far edge and he’s cumming so hard in Nick that Ian’s
moaning his name loudly not caring about if the neighbors hear them or not.
When he’s done, Nick is laying his head down on Ian’s shoulder and lift his
head up and looks at Ian with a the only cheesy smile.
Nick’s eyes are heavy and both he and Ian are breathing heavy against each
other. Nick then leans his forehead against Ian’s and they smile at each other.
Not moving, not doing anything but breathing each other in.  Nick looks at Ian
and speaks  “Yah lyublyu tebe” (I love you).  Ian doesn’t understand what Nick
just said to him, but Ian smiles looking at him knowing it must have been
something special.
With what little strength Ian has he gently removes his soft cock from inside
Nick. Nick wince at the removal and then Ian puts him down slowly so he can
stand on his two feet. However that didn’t go so well. Nick can barely keep
himself up and is using the wall for support. Ian laughs and gives Nick a few
minutes to get the feeling back in his legs before he drags him into the
showers.
In the showers they kiss and hold each other like their lives depended on it.
They wash up and go straight to bed falling fast asleep.
Their time In New York so amazing the first week and every day after that; that
Nick had managed to convinced Ian to stay another 2 weeks. Making them stay a
total of 3 weeks. Nick just didn’t want to go back to Chicago and secretly
wanted to keep Ian there. They travelled everywhere from Citi Field, to Yankee
stadium, to Madison square Garden for a concert. They even rented a car and
this time it was under Ian name so that he knew Nick didn’t steal it. They went
to Connecticut to the Mall where the cheesecake factory, because apparently it
was better out there. At least that’s what Nick told him. They travelled to New
Jersey to Six Flags Park, which took up a whole day. And they even travelled to
the Jersey Shore which Nick protested against but gave in when Ian gave him
those damn fucking puppy eyes. Broadway shows were something Ian didn’t want to
do, but then again Nick did whatever the fuck he wanted and dragged Ian with
him. He be damned if Ian told him no. Of course they continued to go to a few
clubs, drink and have fun dancing the night away. It was fun! What was wrong
with Fun right?
However their time together in the 3 weeks had to come to an end. Ian had
notice that the whole time they were there in New York; that Nick did not
mention his club, let alone go to it from what he saw.  Ian did walk in on him
on the phone once and over heard him say ‘He didn’t care let Mandy deal with
it’ and hung the phone up. But then that was all. After all Nick did say he was
coming here to deal with Business but apparently he didn’t want to deal with it
from Ian’s point of view.  They would stay up most nights talking and
bullshitting, and in the morning time Nick would disappear for like an hour or
so but he would come right back when Ian was awake. But Ian didn’t mind. Ian
didn’t ask; he felt that Nick revealed more of himself on this trip than
anything. And Ian did as well.
Especially that one night when Ian woke up having a small panic attack. He was
having a hard time breathing. He was crying and apologies over and over again.
But Nick didn’t flinch away; instead he was there for him. Ian cried as Nick
held on to him, he didn’t ask Ian what was wrong or what happened he just held
on to him tight, helping him to control his breathing again. When Ian was done
crying and had finally managed to breathe okay, he fell asleep.  The Next
morning Nick didn’t mention it and neither did Ian. He was grateful for that.
 Right now wasn’t the right time to talk about his past, and what he was
dreaming about over and over again that made him wake up in panic attacks.
To say nonetheless, their 3 weeks away from Chicago was awesome more than any
other words can describe; so much that Nick was trying really hard to get Ian
to stay. He didn’t want to go back and he didn’t want Ian to want to go back
either. Nick just wanted to be free and live his life and have Ian with him.
 Mickey had done enough living and fucked it up from Nick’s point of view; so
now it was his turn. And he had a right to be free after all. But as much as he
tried to convince Ian to stay, Ian had to get back to Debbie and work.  Nick
just wanted be an ass about things and have his way.
“ What if I get Debbie to come out here? I mean New York is the place to be
right?”  Nick says to Ian
“Nick No.  She has to finish school out there and she’s almost done anyways.”
Ian tell him
“ Ugh but Ian come on. Do you really want to go back? I mean I can fly her out
here in a heartbeat okay; she can take the extra room, and plus think about it!
She will love it out here.”  Nick says countering Ian’s last statement.
“As much as I would love to, the answer is still no, I can’t. Plus my job and
if everything goes well you will be dating a cop in a few month time.” Ian
winks at Nick
Nick looks at Ian with a face and raises one eyebrow at him.  “Really… a cop
and a dancer hmmm I can see it now.” Nick says sarcastically at Ian, that it
made Ian throw a bag at him.
“Don’t be an ass okay. We’ve been here for what a month almost? Time to go
back. Plus I promise Debbie I would bring her a few presents which I got, and
Lip called me and said thank you for the steaks you sent him by overnight
deliver mail.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you talkin about.”  Nick says and walks away from
Ian so his boyfriend doesn’t see him blushing.  “I aint do shit, he lyin man.”
Nick says with no heat behind his voice.
“Uh Huh sure, whatever you say tough guy. See under all the hard exterior
you’re really a softy aren’t?” Ian says and is trying to tease Nick
“ Only if it get me in your pants faster, and you dick in me; then yeah. I do
what I have to, to get what I want .” Nick says to Ian
Ian lifts his head and smile at Nick “Oh really? Shit…See I thought this whole
time you were being nice to me, was because I’m cute and irresistible.” Ian
snaps his fingers and continues talking while laughing “Damn it I knew it was
too good to be true.”  
“ Whatever asshole.  Yeah you’re cute that just one of the things I love about
your stupid ass.”  Nick then froze when he says that. He hoped Ian didn’t hear
him, but he was wrong. Ian was staring at him right at this second.
Shit! He told Ian he loves him but one, it was in the heat of the moment and
yes he does mean it of course he means it. But Ian didn’t know he told him
that. Speaking a different language that your boyfriend does not know has its
advantages. But he wasn’t ready to say it to him again, not just yet. God he
was so fucked. Then Nick starts to get a headache and he can hear Mickey again
in his head. No there was no way he was going to let Mickey get in control not
after all this time, he’s had him far away keeping him away for a reason. Nope!
And now Ian was staring at him. Nick was able to compose himself again and
looks at Ian.
“ What?”  Nick said looking at Ian and blinking his eye rapidly
“What did you say to me?” Ian said staring at Nick intensively.
“Nothin, what? I said you’re cute and shit what’s the big deal.”  Nick says
trying not to look Ian in the face
“You sure you want to go with that right now…really?” Ian says and crosses his
arms against his chest
“ Yeah ” Nick then mimic Ian and crosses his arms across his chest and
continues to talk seeing as he knows his boyfriend is not about to drop this “
Okay…so what I said I love that about you, why do you have to make it into a
big fucking deal huh?”  Nick says to Ian with little heat behind his tone of
voice.
Ian however ignored Nicks tone and asks him “Why did you say it then? Do you
like… shit I don’t know…do love me or something?”
“ I don’t know okay … ( that was a lie ). It don’t matter anyways okay. Can we
just get back to packin we got a plane to catch.”  Nick wasn’t really packing
he was just trying to distract himself.
“Well then that sucks cause I kind of figured I was fallen in love with you,
but if it doesn’t matter then fuck it right.” Ian says to Nick and Nick turns
to him and he can see he’s hurt Ian’s feeling in away but has no idea how. This
was who he was, why did Ian do this with everything he said.
“ Oh Come the fuck on Ian. I didn’t mean it like that okay. Plus….Wait! What?
Did you just say you’re falling in love with me?”  Nick looks at Ian
“Yeah I think I am. Why is that a problem Asshole?” Ian tells Nick as if he’s
challenging him.
Nick laughed and shakes his head at Ian “ You trying to be a tough guy huh.
Play it off and shit like I ain't hurtin your feelings, then make me pay for it
later right? I know your game Gallagher and I ain’t fallin for that shit.”
“Up to you Nick…Admit it…you’re in love with me.” Ian says to Nick grinning at
him trying to get a rise out of Nick, because he knows that Nick hate to be
challenged. He’s such a fighter and that is one of the things Ian does love
about Nick as well, but he won’t tell him that.
“ Cocky ain’t we? What if I’m not fully in love with you, maybe I just love
some things about you. Or maybe I’m like you fallin; who the fuck know right?
Don’t fucking matter anyways?”  Nick says and lights up a cigarette at the same
time.
“Depends…maybe I don’t know, ball in your court baby.” Ian said confidently.
Nick smirk at Ian “ Okay, maybe I do have strong feeling for you; you of all
people should know that by now, shit. But don’t mean ima tell you right off
that bat. That ain’t me, ain’t my style Red, and you know that. But I ain’t
gonna be the one to say it first anyways, it’s gonna be your sappy ass I bet. I
don’t do that romantic crappy shit...not me buddy.”  ( I already have told you
I love you; you just don’t know it )
“Okay fine.” Ian said smiling from ear to fucking ear and Nick can’t help but
smile back at him.  
And okay maybe Nick has already told Ian that he loves him, but in a language
Ian can’t understand, but that’s nobody's business. And yeah maybe Nick did
want Ian to love him and maybe sending his brother and sister a present from
New York just to made Ian happy and that is what he wanted to do; but again
that’s nobody's business and nobody needs to know that. And sure Nick started
telling Ian he loves him in his sleep every night since that night they fuck up
against the wall, and he would whisper into Ians ear as he slept just how much
he loves him, but then again. That’s nobody's fucking business to know that. So
you can just keep that shit to yourself because again nobody needs to know that
Nick was madly in love with Ian Gallagher, but yet still acted like a dick
nonetheless.
The flight back to Chicago was faster than expected. Nick dropped Ian off at
his house and helped him in with his gifts for Debbie, Carl, Liam and yes Lip
as well. Ian didn’t get nothing for Fiona he felt she could…hmmm how do I put
this in nice term. Well he felt like she could kick rocks basically, which had
Nick laughing.  After he helps Ian get situated; Nick said Hi and bye to Debbie
before leaving Ian, walking him out the house.  He walked him to the car and
Nick grab Ian by the waist and kissed him like it was no tomorrow. It left Ian
almost in a state of shock as he tried to not clasps walking back to in front
of his house.
Nick drove off, once Ian was in his house; he remembers how rough the south
side can be.  He then went back to their Loft apartment, where he had to
pretend to like it. The upside was that the apartment had the art studio which
Nick loved to draw, paint and play his music.
Once Nick got into the apartment he was shocked to see 3 faces he did not want
to see.  This was not going to end well for no one.
 
“What the fuck?”
***** The Past Always Come Back *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter is dark and I do warn there are some trigger that may
     effect some. So please be aware when you are reading this chapter.
     This chapter has Collin remembering the past at one point bringing up
     some of Mickeys past. Also in the beginning THe Bold font is Nick
     talking. There is some violence in this chapter, mention of child
     abuse and much more hard darker subjects.
     Again I do love to read your comments and I appreciate the feed back.
      
     This chapter was just recently edit for mistakes.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“ What the fuck are you doin here?”  Nick says with so much venom and heat
behind his voice.
Collin, Iggy, and Mandy were all there waiting for him to get back. They said
nothing and looked at Mickey with a shock expression. Mickey would never mind
when he sibling came over; but what they didn’t know was that this wasn’t
Mickey and hadn’t been for a while now.
“ I’m gonna say this again. What. The Fuck. Are You. Mother Fuckers. Doing in
my apartment! ” He nearly shouts at all three of them in the apartment.
Collin was the first one to speak “Mickey we need to talk okay. I’ve been
trying to call you for over a month to talk to you… You haven’t returned my
phone calls or text messages and you disappeared for like almost a month
without a work! What the fuck bro! Where have you been?”
“ None of your fucking business ight. You ain’t my fucking keeper, none of you
are.” Nick says looking at all three of Mickey’s siblings
Mandy then cut in and was pissed as hell. If looks could kill she would have
murder Mickey on the spot. But right now her looks didn’t faze him; in fact he
was amused by them. “Well we know you were in New York asshole! One of the
fucking bartender at the club saw you with another guy, some red headed guy he
said. I tried to call Colt to see if he was with you, but that mother fucker
hung up on me and told me to piss the fuck off. Something about you pointed a
gun at him” When Mickey didn’t answer she continued to talk “Are you fucking
serious Mick, what the fuck happened?”
“ Ugh Oh MY GOD!”  Nick said sarcastically. “ Again fuck off! It ain’t none of
your fucking business what I do okay. Plus Colt’s bitch ass had it coming
anyways. He got what he deserved .” Nick hissed out while he was glaring at
Collin, Iggy and Mandy. He didn’t give a fuck if he hurt them, because they
weren’t important to him.  
“ And if yah don’t fucking back the fuck off and watch it, he won’t be the only
one looking over their shoulders”  Nick mumble out crossing his arms against
his chest not caring if someone heard him
“What the fuck did you just say!?” Mandy says to him as she goes to walk up
towards him, but its Collin who holds his hand up in front of her, motioning
for her to calm down.
“Bro come on man, it’s us. We’re a family, man. I get you don’t want to tell us
everything that’s fine. But mickey…You just up and disappeared for almost a
month and not tell us, or give us a fucking call. Come on man you know we
nearly sent out a fucking search party after your ass.” For some reason Iggy
oddly tries to always be the piece maker, but Nick didn’t give a fuck. He
wanted them out his apartment. He had a plan that didn’t involve them at all.
“ What part of I don’t give a fuck and get the fuck outta my apartment yous
mother fuckers aint get?”  Nick says to them as if he heard nothing Iggy said
to him.
“Mick we’re just worried about you okay? Can you please talk to us?” Collin
said, than Iggy interrupted before he can continue.
“Yeah man. Mandy told us about what you told her you know… about the blackouts…
and memory loss…shit Mick we’re just worried okay.” Iggy said slowly to Mickey
hoping that the younger boy understand why they were there for him.
“ Yeah I don’t give shit what you fuckers say. Aint shit wrong with me and you
can just all fuck yourself. Pishov na khuy, I khuy suky! ( Fuck you and fuck
off bitches)  Leave Now!”
And if Mandy wasn’t piss off already she was now, actually she’s more than
pissed. She turned red “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!” Mandy was charging
after him and slap him across his face. All she saw was Mickey looking at her
laughing in front of her face like it was some kind of fucked up joke that they
were worried about him. What the fuck? Why was Mickey acting like this to her
of all people.
Nick was laughing hard and he bend over laughing so much that he had to control
himself again before he started talking again. He looked at Mandy and smiled at
her.  “ Shit bitch! You can really fuckin hit can’t you? Where was all that
spice and high and mighty fucking attitude when you ex-boyfriend was beating on
you huh?”
Mandy looks at her brother in shock. Her mouth opens and she looks like she was
at the break of tears. That relationship they all knew not to mention. It hurt
Mandy a lot to know she was one of those women who let a man hit her, and what
hurt the most was how she felt weak when her brother found out and beat the
shit out of the guy. She never to saw him again.
“How dare you?” she said in a whisper giving Mickey a death glare from hell.
“ How dare me? How – Ha! Really bitch? How dare you? (Nick said
aggressively)Who the fuck do you think you are! Huh Mendi?  ....You are a
selfish little spoiled fucking brat who fucking thinks that just because you’re
a woman you can try and control us. News flash bitch when you finally have a
man who doesn’t just use you for your pussy maybe then you can earn my respect”
He turns away then turns back to her and says  “No you know what? Better yet
when you’re able to reproduce maybe you can earn some points in my book.”  Nick
said with so much heat in his voice it sent shivers down Iggy back and Collin
was even more shocked to hear Mickey say that to Mandy.
Next thing everyone knew; in an instant Mandy swung a right hook against Mickey
face sending the younger boy to the floor. Tears where in her eyes now, and
Iggy had to grab her before she did something she was going to regret.
“You know what, Fuck you Mickey! You know that… Omg I can’t believe you just
said that to me….Next time you disappear I hope it’s for good!” She shouts at
him with tears in her eyes. She’s in so much pain that Nick simply doesn’t care
that he hit a sore spot with her. She then slams his front door leaving his
loft apartment.
“What the fuck Mick! Are you out of your fucking mind? You have no fucking
right to say shit like that to Mandy! What the fuck has gotten into you.” Iggy
said as he shoved his younger brother
“ Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can follow her too. Bye now!  Keep it the fuck movin ”
Nick said annoyingly to Iggy.
Iggy looked at his little brother in disbelief “what the fuck is wrong with you
man?” He sees his little brother looking at him not caring about what just
happen and Mickey is just shrugging his arms and puts his hands up in motion of
saying  ‘oh well’. Iggy shakes his head and then leaves out the door to go get
Mandy and see if she’s okay.
Nick turns around and looks at Collin now. He’s waiting for him to say
something to him, but silence just takes the room. Then Nick decided to break
the silence.  Instead of speaking English he decided to play with Collin a
little bit.
“Tak vy zbyrayetesyazalyshyty, abo menidovedet’syaobrazhaty vas I zrobyty vas
vdaryv mene dlya vas ebat’ I zalyshyty.”(“So are you going to leave, or do I
have to insult you too and make you hit me for you to fuck off and leave.”)
Nick says to Collin raising his eyebrows and smiling.
“Didn’t know you spoke Ukrainian so well Mick.” Collin says in a low
threatening voice to Mickey, he’s grilling Mickey down now. He’s upset that
Mickey probably made Mandy feel like shit about herself and is making a joke
about this whole thing. Disrespecting his sibling and for what?  Mickey
disappeared and left without a word at all. He made it seem like he didn’t care
if his siblings were worried about him. And apparently it was a joke to Mickey.
Mickey has never been so fucking selfish before and now Collin can’t even stand
to want to look at him now.
“ Ta y khto daye der’mo ” ( yeah well who gives a shit )  Nick says to Collin.
 Thinking he’s Mickey.
“Okay so you want to play stupid. Alright I’m game asshole. There’s one thing I
need to ask you and you better be fucking truthful with me Mickey, or I swear
to god I will ripe your fucking dick off.” Collin says angrily towards his
brother
Nick snorts and that leans back and waits for Collin to speak paying little to
no attention to the older boy in front of him.
“So I didn’t want to say this in front of Mandy or Iggy, but I got a call from
the bank where Moms pension is at, along with the lawyer from her will. It
seems like you tried to clean it out…Now I know there must have been some sort
of fucking mistake because you wouldn’t do that. Me, you, Mandy, and Iggy are
her beneficiaries and that money goes to us. Now tell me right now! And please
tell me the truth. Did you or did you not try to clean out that account!
(Collin waits for his brother to respond, but he says nothing)..... Mickey!....
God damn it SAY SOMETHING!” Collin was angry and Nick was just ignoring him
like nothing.
Collin made his way towards Mickey from the middle of the living room looking
at his little brother with such angry and betrayal. Then he said “Mikhailo!
Vidpovisty meni, Chort zabyray” (Answer me god damn it)
“ Oh Collin,…Collin,…Collin.” Nick has his hands behind his back and rocking
back and forth on his heels “I ain’t tryin to take all of it, that banker is
fuckin wrong and I’m insulted that you would think that.”  He puts his hand on
his chest as if to act like he’s hurt but laughs.  “motha fucker should be
fuckin fired for lyin….Look okay, I simply took out a large amount from the
pension which was owned to me and only me. Yah still have yah shit okay.”  
“What the fuck Mickey!? You can’t just do that shit. What the fuck is wrong
with you?!” Collin says to him
“YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME COLLIN! YOU!”  He shoving Collin in
the chest and continues to scream at him in rage. “ YOU’RE WHAT THE FUCK IS
WRONG WITH ME! IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU COLLIN YOU! You promised and you left. You
always fuckin left you piece of shit! And you let him-” Nick says to Collin but
cuts himself. He just smiles and shakes his head and laughs
“Mickey…I” Collin trailed off. His eyes are watery now, for some reason he knew
what Mickey was talking about. But Mickey didn’t remember. He told Collin he
didn’t remember much about Terry or where they went when he was younger. Then
all of a sudden
His little brother is laughing at him, then looks Collin in the eyes and says.
“Stop callin me that? ” his little brother tells him.
“What?” Collin says and is confused. Mickey’s not making any sense now.
“ Oh nothing.”  He huffed out, than continues “ Just go and leave me alone.  
Now ! ” he says with heat, through clenching his teeth.
Before Collin could leave he stops and turns and really looks at Mickey this
time. He looks at him up and down and carefully. Mickey doesn’t ever spike his
hair like that; he doesn’t wear an earring and eyeliner? Plus the way Mickey is
talking is not how he talks to anyone. Like slang in a way. That’s not Mick at
all. Before he leaves he then figures out what’s so different and wrong with
his brother. “oh shit…no it can’t be.” Collin mumbles to himself. This wasn’t
his brother. He remembers looking at the taps with the officer to identify
Mickey along with the other children on those tapes. Some tapes were mark
Mickey, and some were mark Nick. And then he puts two and two together.
“Fuck” Collin says
8 years ago
Collin had come home from College on break. He was 20 years old and his 21
st birthday was around the corner, he was soon going to be graduating from
school. He couldn’t wait to for graduation, then to get a good job and take his
brothers and sister away from Terry. Today, No one was home, which didn’t
surprise him one bit.  Terry was always somewhere with Mickey for some reason.
Probably showing him how to be “A man” as he puts it since Mickey just turned
14. Apparently Terry thought that it was a good thing to have his sons lose
their virginities at an early age. He never understood why. His dad was an
abusive prick, which is why Mandy always stayed away from the house and Iggy
was always at his girlfriend’s house. Collin would try to come home every
weekend to keep Mickey Company, but he was never home and Terry always had him
out with him.
Collin didn’t think anything of it, none of them did really. Yeah they would
see the bruise on Mickey’s body, and knew that Terry likes to use Mickey as a
punching bag whenever he got drunk, upset, and would ramble on about how much
Mickey ruined his life and took his mother away from him. Mickey turned out to
be the substitute for him and Iggy. He always felt guilty for that, but he
tried to show his brother how to defend himself and to try and at least leave
the house whenever he could.
You see it wasn’t Mickey’s fault that their mother had a weak heart. She knew
that the chances of her surviving the birth were slim, but she refuse to not
have Mickey. She wanted him more than anything. She even told Collin to make
sure that if anything happens to her that he would protect him and that he
would keep the name she chosen for him. Collin did just that at the request of
his mother.
The horror of Terry Milkovich was hard to get passed by. He became more violent
and harsh towards his children after their mother died. He neglected Mickey
until he was 3 years old and for some reason he chose to watch over him, but
still beat him. Collin once got into a bad fight with Terry about laying a hand
on Mickey while he was so young. That resulted in Collin getting his arm broken
and a busted lip.  No one could tell Terry what to do with his children, not
even his own children. So when Collin left for college it got somewhat worse as
Mandy and Iggy put it.
Terry was out the house more with Mickey and they were afraid that he was
corrupting Mickey’s mind. He would come back not speaking for days, than all of
sudden would be violent towards Mandy and Iggy for no reason. Cursing at them
and physically fighting with them. Sometime they would hear Mickey cry in his
room to himself, and whenever Terry heard him he would get beaten harder.
Eventually Mickey learned to cry silently to himself in his room. But it didn’t
stop there.
Collin swore he would take his brothers and sister away as soon as he was done
with school. He promised his mother he would always look after them no matter
what and he tried he really did try his hardest. But in the end it wasn’t
enough and again Mickey was the one who paid the heaviest price.
Collin was looking for some weed, and he knew his dad always stashed the good
shit under his bed in his secret yet not so secret box. He wouldn’t know or
realizes if any was missing seeing as Collin would replace some of his stash
with oregano and tea flacks. Terry was never the smart kind of man and if we’re
being honest he was flat out fucking stupid. When Collin reached for the box he
felt and opened it; it wasn’t the box he was looking for. In fact this box was
full of DVDs and some old VCR tapes. Curiosity got the better of him as he
examined the tapes and dvds. Some were labelled Mick/Nick, and somewhere just
Nick.
Collin looked at the items in front of him weird but decided to take them and
go to his room with it. There he got the old VCR and hooked it up to his TV and
then opened his laptop and placed a dvd inside. The DVD instantly started to
play without Collin knowing and what he saw made his stomach drop. His eye
widen as he was looking at his baby brother in front of a camera naked. He was
crying and Collin just stood there in shock of what he was seeing. Mickey had
to be no more than 10 in that video. He heard a woman in the background telling
Mickey to stop crying before she took the lighter and burned him again. Mickey
dried his eye in the video and his expression changed. The woman called his
name but he didn’t respond. Instead he looked at the person from behind the
camera and said “My names not Mickey it’s Nick.” And then Collin heard another
person which sounded like his father. “So your name is Nick again huh…well Nick
you going to put play just like you always do right.” In the video Mickey just
lowered his head and looked away.
Collin couldn’t take any more of what he was seeing he instantly took the DVD
out and threw it across the room. He called the police, the only thing he could
do. His baby brother was….NO. He got the box of tapes and DVDs as he hung up
the phone when heard his father walk in with Mickey. He didn’t make a sound
apparently Terry didn’t know anyone was home.
“We got more customers now boy. See this is your way of contributing no one
ever said using or selling your body was a bad thing right? I knew I would find
better use for you as you got older.” Collin then heard a slap sound and a
thump on the floor and he heard Terry growling at Mickey. “Don’t you fucking
look at me like that Mick? You know what it is. You’re just a piece of meat,
and I own you. You understand! I own you got that!  I can sell you to anybody I
chose, but then again your stupid ass brothers and sister would figure it out.
God only know why your mother had you…yeah I know to punish me of course. I
never wanted any of you ingrates” Terry says to Mickey.
Collin was beyond pissed, more like seeing red now. He called the cops before
Terry walked in so right now he didn’t give a fuck if he got arrested for
killing his father. What he was doing to his brother was unimaginable, and
Collin felt like he failed Mickey.
Next thing he knows he’s bursting out of his room and is on Terry. Punching him
and banging his head against the floor in rage. He gets up and kicks Terry in
the balls over and over again. He can’t stop and he won’t stop. Not until Terry
knows exactly what pain he’s caused this family and more importantly the pain
he’s most likely caused Mickey.
The front door opens and it’s Mandy and Iggy walking through the door. They see
Collin and Terry and Mickey on the side looking at both men fighting. Mickey’s
just looking on with a blank expression and motionless. Mandy is yelling for
Collin to stop. But Collin doesn’t listen.  “No!”  and with every word he
speaks he’s now kicking Terry at the same time “ This.  Son. Of. A. Bitch! Has.
Been. Fucking. using. Our Brother and selling him. Making sex tapes of him!”
Collin then grabs Terry again and starts punching him “ YOU SON OF A BITCH HE’S
YOUR SON, YOUR FUCKING SON YOU SICK PRICK!” and Iggy is trying to get his
Brother off their dad, but Collin is beyond rage now and just continues
shouting at him.
Collin shoves Iggy off of him and Terry manages to kick Collin in the stomach
sending him to the floor in pain. Both men are fighting now and fists are
flying. Terry managed to get a few hits in and then the cops come in just as
Terry is choking Collin. And Iggy’s trying his hardest to get his dad off
Collin.  There is blood everywhere; from Terry, and Collin. The Police
literally show up in time and request immediate back and call in for an
ambulance to come. Both men were out for blood and it was clear that neither
one of them were going to give up.  
The police are able to restrain both men, but Collin is literally fighting back
tears. He couldn’t believe this; that man in front of him in cuff was …… no, he
didn’t want to think of it. Mickey was in the corner glaring at Terry not
paying attention to know one. Not even when Mandy went to him and hugged him,
not when the police officer kneeled down and wrapped him up in a blanket. He
remembers when the paramedics came and got Mickey and Iggy went with him seeing
as Collin couldn’t go. He wondered if Mickey was okay. He promised, he always
promised him he would protect him. Yet Collin failed to do that.
The police got a hold of Terrys personal stash. That’s what they were calling
it, and to say the least what Collin found wasn’t the whole thing. Not even
close.  It made him sick to know what his father had done to Mickey. He wanted
to kill him more than anything.  In the end, Collin served a max of 12 days in
jail and was released. Being as the judge saw that it was self-defense and saw
Collins bruises and Marks on his body from Terry’s assault along with the stack
of files and crimes against Terry. He still had to serve time for physically
hitting back and also giving Terry a beat down that landed him with a clasped
lung, a broken arm, leg, and collar bone. No one needed to know that it was
Collin who started the fight. That was for him and him only to know, and Mickey
of course; no one to found out.
In the end, Collin found out that he would have to testify against his father
as to what he found. He was glad to do that. He did however have to identify
Mickey in one of the videos the detective showed him. Just one so that they
could note it on every video he was in.  He hated doing that, but the detective
informed him that Mickey wasn’t the only child in this rain of videos. It made
Collin sick even more.
Collin remembers like it was yesterday the video that started to play as he
watches his little brother on video to identify him to the detectives.
(The Video plays)
“Hi what your name?” the man in the video said looking at Mickey
“My name is Mickey” Mickey says.
“Well Mickey can you come here please and sit next to me. I promise I won’t
hurt you.” The man in the video says to Mickey as he pates down on the bed. In
the video Mickey’s walking to the man in the video and is sitting next to him.
“How old are you?” the man says
“I’m four, but I’m not supposed to talk to strangers. Do you know where my dad
is?” Mickey says and then the video cuts off as the detective removes it.
Collin was only supposed to see one video to identify Mickey, but he couldn’t
move. He still couldn’t believe that this was real. The detective then takes
another video and plays it for Collin. This time Mickey is sitting on the bed
looking at the camera. You can see the dry tears on his face and there’s no
emotion on his face, none whatsoever.
“Hi Mickey how are?” Man says in the video.
Mickey looks up at the man and says “My names not Mickey.”
“No? I thought that was your name?” The man continues talking to him.
“No. My names Nikolai or Nick”
“Okay then…I’ll call you Nick okay.”
Mickey just shrugs in the video and looks at the man now. That was when the
detective cuts the video. Collin is motionless unable to piece together what he
just saw.
The detective showed Collin the second tape because he was concern that maybe
Mickey had somehow suffered from something mentally. For him to name himself
other name than his name, was not normal for a young child. Collin nodded his
head the whole time barely hearing the detective now as he saw how helpless his
little brother had been for years and no one knew. Not him, not Iggy, not
Mandy, No one. What kind of person does this? He thought to himself
He ended up glancing over the evidence and saw that so many of the DVDs and VCR
tapes that had Mickeys name on them. Some with Mick/Nick, or only Nick on them;
never just Mickey’s name. Collin had to look away nearly in tears. He thought
to himself “yeah I failed him.”
Shortly after everything happened Collin was able to get custody of Mickey and
Mandy. Iggy was already of age, but he got custody of him either way. He told
Mandy and Iggy to never mention anything about Terry and what happened to
Mickey. They swore they wouldn’t, seeing as Mickey had no memory of what
happened.
The detectives had wanted Mickey to testify; however Collin refused to let
Mickey testify seeing as apparently he didn’t remember anything. Plus he was
still a minor so Collin had some control on whether he could or could not stand
trial. The detective told Collin that Mickey wouldn’t have to be in front of
the suspects including their dad, and that he would be answering the lawyers
question with just the jury in the room and the judge. Collin still refused and
told them that Mickey had been through enough and the detectives told Collin
that they understood. They were still going to get justice for Mickey and the
other children on those tapes from the evidence they obtained.  
Collin thought that it was a good thing; in his eyes that Mickey didn’t
remember anything. But he didn’t tell the detective this at all. I mean who
wants to remember being subjected to such torture, pain, and humiliation.
The doctors who looked over Mickey after the innocent informed Collin that in
some cases Children of sexual abuse tend to block the memories of the abuse
that is happening to them. When the doctor asked Mickey what happen to him.
Mickey simply looked at the doctor and Collin and said “I don’t know what
you’re talking about. Did something happen? Is that why they’re giving me an
examination?” Looking at Collin again he said “Can we go home please? I’m
tired.”
When Mickey was out of the room waiting for Collin in the waiting room, Collin
mention to one of the doctors that in one of the tapes the detective had told
Collin that Mickey had been calling himself Nick. Collin didn’t want to say
anything; however he felt like the doctor needed to know for some reason. As he
was worried as to why Mickey was not remembering the trauma he faced for so
many years. Collin wanted his brother to be 100 percent healthy again and not
remember anything that happened to him. If he couldn’t protect him from Terry
and the fucked up shit he done to Mickey, then he could at least protect him
from what he didn’t need to remember.
The doctor then ask Collin if there was any history of mental illness and
Collin told the doctor no. The doctor still recommended therapy treatment for
Mickey since he had such a traumatic event happen in his life over the years.
However Collin refused it, seeing as he didn’t want Mickey to relive any of
what Terry or any of those sick fucks did to him. Plus again Mickey seemed not
to remember anything at all of what happened.
Mickey asked where was Terry a few times but Collin Iggy and Mandy told him he
got busted for drugs and was sent to do 35 to life. Mickey didn’t seem to care;
in fact he was happy, seeing as Terry would use him as a punching bag .That he
did remember. Collin honestly thought that it was a good thing Mickey didn’t
remember what they had put him through.  And if he didn’t remember it, then it
wouldn’t hurt him at all. Or so he thought anyways.
So 8 year ago; yeah 8 year ago that happened and it was all coming back to
Collin now.  He’s looking at his little brother right now and his eyes are
widened.  That memory of so long ago has haunted Collin for years now, and
right now it’s coming back to haunt in again.
“Are you gonna fuckin leave or what?” Nick says to Collin again
“Yeah…. No yeah I’m going” Collin says and walks towards the door not before
grabbing his brother and giving him a hug.  Nick shoves him away, looking at
Collin sides ways as he leaves his apartment.
Collin leaves and immediately gets his phone out and calls Iggy. “Hey Iggy! Get
Mandy and meet me at the office! We have to talk it’s about Mickey…..No, No, No
trust me Ig’s this is can’t wait. Get Mandy and head there now.” Collin hangs
up and heads straight for the office.
Meanwhile what Collin didn’t know was that Nick was on the other side of the
door listening. He instantly got some of his things, packed it up and waited 10
minutes before calling a Cab and heading out the door.  He didn’t want to risk
seeing any of them again. If there was one thing Nick knew how to do. It was
disappearing. He left all of Mickey’s bank cards, credit card, and Mickey phone
and took his own cell phone from his bag, and text the one person he could
count on. He had double check to make sure he only had cash on him and his work
uniform before leaving not looking back.
What do you when the person you love looks at you and you don’t see them
anymore. What do you do when the person you love isn’t there anymore, but is
simply still there inside themselves?   The question is simply. What is it that
you do to help the one you love fight a battle that he or she themselves have
been fighting since they can remember.


Chapter End Notes
     This chapter is for maryellen590 who wanted to me to work on it, so I
     did. I hope you like
***** Keeping the Truth *****
Chapter Notes
     So I am sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I havent been feeling
     so well. But I am writing again. This one is not as long as it is but
     I hope you like it. I will be updating again this weekend to make up
     for lost time. Also I did introduce two new character as this store
     is going along. They will play a important role.
     Also please note this chapter has some trigger warnings such as the
     mention of rape.
     Please leave me your comments and i do love to read them and I
     appreciate your voice and input and thoughts. Im not so happy with
     this chapter but I hope you guys like it.
Driving to the office Collin wasn’t sure how he was going to tell his brother
and sister what was going on. One thing’s for sure, was that somehow his memory
of 8 years ago came flooding back and things made sense somehow. Mickey was
tired more and more sometimes telling Mandy or even him that he was exhausted
from some reason. Going on about how he would feel out of it not like himself
and how at night he felt like he didn’t get much sleep. He would sometimes told
Collin he felt like he didn’t sleep at all. Blackouts happen to him when he was
younger a lot actually, but Mickey would deny it. Saying he was just overworked
with either school or working. But it never made sense to Collin. Not until
now. Mandy had said Mickey’s behavior became more hostile towards her and today
right now; with what just happened, Mandy was right.
Collin wondered to himself now; ‘why would Mickey want Moms pension’ even
without the pension they were all well off, more than well off.  To be fairly
honestly their mother’s pension was just their collecting dust. So why did he
need it.  Then he disappeared for nearly a month and not a word. Not one
fucking word. First things first; he needed to talk to Mandy and Iggy to get
their input. Telling them what he kept from them about the video he saw all
those years ago is not going to be easy.  But if Mickey was going through some
shit that mentally fuck him up, than his brother needed help. Even if that
meant bring up the past he tried to keep away from Mickey for so long.
Collin pulled up into the office and went straight into his office and waited
for Mandy and Iggy. He turned on his computer and started doing some research.
Googling symptoms of childhood trauma and the effects it would have on a person
as an adult. There were many things that came up; Everything from depression,
to drug and alcohol abuse, to domestic violence abuse and untreated mental
illness. That one made Collin dread in guilt. When he researched more into it
he found a few things that could probably answer the question as to why Mickey
was acting the way he was. Everything from anxiety disorder which didn’t fit,
bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dissociation, panic attacks and personality
disorder….. Collin then he decided to leave the tab open and open up another
one and googled personality disorders. Remembering what the doctors told him
all those years. The results were overwhelming and looking through all of the
information he was finding made Collin’s stomach drop and guilt took over him
quickly again.
Just then Mandy and Iggy walked into the office; Mandy looked annoyed and
pissed, and Iggy well he looked exhausted and really tired. Dealing with what
happen with Mickey just an hour ago affected them all, but both Mandy and Iggy
were hurt and Collin could tell.
“Okay, so I know I told you guys to come here because we have to talk about
Mickey.” Collin starts off with first saying.
“Fuck that! I’m really fucking pissed at him. If he wants to ruin his life then
so be it. Let him fucking run off do whatever the fuck he wants, okay! I’m done
and I refuse to have him fucking treat us like this! Whenever there’s something
wrong with him we have to deal with it. No! Fuck that shit.” Mandy says with so
much heat behind her voice.
At this point Collin knew Mandy was just upset and that she didn’t mean any of
that. (At least he hopes she didn’t.) If anything this was her way of saying
Mickey hurt her and she was hurting. So to get back at him she would so call
‘not talk to him or run to him whenever he needs her’ which in many cases Mandy
always went to her little brother. It happened a lot when they were younger.
Mickey would do something to get Mandy upset and she would say so much shit
about not caring about him and would never help him again. But once Mickey
called her for help or even asked for her. Mandy was there for him, and vice
versa.
“Mandy.” Collin says
“No she right man...” Iggy now says looking at Collin “Look I know you made a
promise to mom years ago to always make sure you took care of us, especially
with Mickey and with the shit that happened years ago to him. But look, he’s
acting like a spoiled fucking brat man. Not letting us know if he’s going to
come to work and shit disappearing on us and talking to us like we’re nothing.
Dude that’s fuck up and what he said to Mandy he’s lucky she didn’t fuck him
up, or me for that matter.” Iggy told Collin.
“Look I understand you guys are mad I get that, but Mickey he’s just…. I mean
he’s…. fuck man” Collin says.
“You can’t keep making excuses for him Collin. Iggy’s right okay! End of story,
that’s it. There nothing more you can say that will change our minds or have us
forgive him.” Mandy tells her brother.
“Mandy come on, Please. I know your both pissed right now……I get that I do,
trust me, but… but this…it’s different okay.” Collin says to them
“Oh yeah how? Please do enlighten me” Mandy says sarcastically to Collin
“I’m not a hundred percent sure yet. But… just…(Collin sighs) Look when I find
out just… Just trust me okay. I know there’s something wrong with him. And I
just have to figure shit out before I can do anything or before you guys just
write him off like he’s nothing okay.  Please just trust me okay.” Collin says
desperately to his siblings
“Yo! Collin you’re not making any sense right now. What the fuck are you
talking about?” Iggy says to Collin.
Collin was silent for a moment, he’s looking at his computer with information
he found over the internet. What he was finding was not good enough for his
siblings or him just yet. He needed to talk to a professional; more important
he needed better resources. He looked at his brother and sister and decided
telling them his theory about Mickey and about what he knew was not the right
time. He needed to do this right and the right way.
“Just let me figure shit out okay. I need you guys okay and when I find out
what’s up, trust me you will be the first to know. Just…for now we’re going to
give Mickey his space and not pay mind to what he does. He will come back to
work in a few days and hopefully things will be okay. Alright.” Collin says
looking at both Mandy and Iggy now.
“Yeah whatever.” Mandy says and shrugs her shoulders.
But it was Iggy who was looking at his brother now trying to figure out what
Collin was trying to say. He knew Collin was hiding something, but he just
didn’t know what. So Iggy just nodded his head in agreement.
Iggy and Mandy left Collin in his office alone. Collin is sitting down at his
desk and was thinking of what he needed to do now. His wife was calling him on
his phone and that made him smile. One being married to a doctor had its perks
and Collin laughed at himself. Why didn’t he think of his wife in the first
place? She was his family and she loves Mickey just as much as Collin and his
siblings do?
Collin answers the phone.
“Hey hunny.” Collins says to his wife over the phone
“Now why do you sound like over the phone?” Leah asks him
“Remember what I told you about us going to see Mickey and everything.” Collin
says to her
“Yeah, how did that go? That’s why I was calling you. I wanted to make sure I
didn’t have to kick his ass. So what happened?” She laughs over the phone to
Collin.
Collin didn’t answer he just smiles sadly over the phone and god did he love
his wife for making him smile at least
One of the things Collin loves about his wife was that 1. She was a tough
cookie, she grew up just as poor as he did, and had to survive just as he did.
However she was always so positive and loving. You could never tell she grew up
on the south side of the Bronx. Bad area where people got rob, stabbed killed
and where most people didn’t make it out alive. The area she grew up in no one
but a few people including herself made it out. Leah is a bright young Hispanic
woman, but she was straight from the hood. But always knew how to act like a
lady. When the going got tough and shit got real, well let’s just say you would
want her by your side always. That was what Collin needed; and his wife, she
would understand it all. Leah never judged him, in fact she always slap Collin,
Iggy, Mickey or Mandy upside their head when they talked bad about themselves
or tried to bring themselves down. He was always thankful for that.
Leah knew everything about Mickey, and Collin was grateful that Leah respected
his wishes by not telling him or no one what she knew. However she didn’t know
everything and now Collin felt like if anyone could understand and not think he
was crazy, it would her.
“How are the kids by the way?” Collin says trying to somewhat change the
subject but not really
Leah was silent, see she knew her husband all too well, he might have grown up
in the south side of Chicago but Collin was easy to read in her eyes. She knew
something wrong.  “Cut the shit Collin, you know there fine, they’re with my
aunt. Now answer me. What the fuck happened? Better yet what wrong?” Leah says
to Collin
So Collin told her everything. Everything from when he viewed those tapes in
the detective office years ago, and what he really saw. How Mickey called
himself Nick. How his behavior and everything was different. How he felt Mickey
wasn’t Mickey, how he didn’t want to tell Iggy or Mandy and have them be upset
at him or even think he was crazy. How he never took Mickey to the therapist
seeing as how he thought it was best due to the fact that Mickey didn’t
remember anything. Everything…Everything he was thinking and feeling came out
and he was nearly in tears as he told her how much he felt like he did wrong,
and was still feeling like he did wrong.
Leah took in the information her husband told her and now spoke after a few
moments of listening.
“Okay…okay I see where you’re coming from….But Collin you didn’t do anything
wrong….You simply felt that it was best for him to not relive something he
didn’t remember. If anything you were protecting him and that is not wrong.”
Collin was silent over the phone, even though Leah told him it wasn’t his fault
and what he did was best for Mickey. He was still having trouble with that. So
she continued on talking “Okay” Leah sighs “So…what do you want to do Collin?
Because being doctor from the sound of it, Mickey could be experiencing many
different things; most importantly he’s probably had a mental break down. Most
children who suffer from abuse such as Mickeys experience a lot of different
things. And were talking about some serious shit here Collin; He’s been through
hell I can’t imagine and for him not to remember it’s not all that great. I
know you must have been thinking it was good, but I can tell you from both my
profession and personal opinion him calling himself Nick in that video is not
good. There can many things he’s experiencing. He most likely dissociated when
all that happened to him when he was younger for him not to remember…it can
also be schizophrenia.” Leah tells him
“Dissociated?” Collin asks
“Yeah… It’s basically like when a person characterise by alteration in his or
her perception. Meaning they detach themselves from their own selves. It’s like
their defence mechanism if you think about it. They won’t remember things or
memories and in this case Mickey doesn’t remember anything. But for him to call
himself someone else….He probably made himself an altar, to break from reality.
Not wanting to go through what he did and…. Look, if it is an altar; that he
created all those years ago and it’s now surfaced. I can tell you this is not
good, his mental health is not well. Meaning he needs help and fast.” Leah
explains to Collin
“That the shit Leah, I don’t know if it is or not. I don’t know if Mickey is
just being a dick or if he’s someone else. How the fuck am I suppose know
that?” Collin says to Leah
“I don’t know too much about these disorders and I’m not a psychologist, but
you can try and confront him. But have back up, because once you do that, and
if he does have an altar. I can tell you right now Collin; he’s going to be
pissed. He may or may not lash out on you and it will have a worse effect on
his mental state. So if you’re going to do this, you need to do it right.
Contact the office or detective that was on the case all those years ago to see
if he can help. You need to make sure that what you saw was accurate. I know
you said you saw different tapes, but who’s to say that they didn’t make him
say his name was Nick. In the meantime I will call my brothers and see if he
can help you just in case the detective can’t help you or is retired. Being
that it was years ago and my brother works for the police department out there
I think hopefully it won’t be a problem. But if it is that’s why you have a
brother law who is a cop and the other a lawyer.” Leah chuckles at the last
sentence   “Then I’m going to fly down there in 2 week and help you out. I may
know someone who can help…she a good friend of mines. I can see if she will
help Mickey out if there is something seriously wrong with him. But I can also
overlook on his condition if and only if something is wrong with him okay.”
Leah says to Collin
“Baby you don’t have to, what about the kids and your job, you know the
hospital out there needs you.” Collins says
“Asshole please. The kids are good with my aunt, which by the way she loves to
have them. Plus the hospital owes me time off…like a lot of it. If I wanted I
can take a leave of absence and if they don’t like it, they can shove it. They
know damn well between Bellevue, and New York Presbyterian hospital wants to
grab me up from here. They know better than to test me.” Leah says with no
shame in her voice to Collin over the phone.
Collin laughs because yeah she was right. Plus in this economy in general when
you thought about it, the health care depart was one of the most known jobs to
always be hiring and never really firing people unless they fuck up really bad.
“Okay baby. I’m going to see what I can do from my end okay. I’ll call you
tomorrow and let you know what’s the status.” Collin says
“Ooookay you better.” Leah says in a teasing yet innocent voice to Collin,
trying to make him smile or a least better in some form of way.
Which it did and Collin smiles feeling a little better, as his wife always knew
what to do and say in times of fucking craziness “Ya tebe lyublyu” ( I love
you) Collin tells her
“Te amo nimis” (I love you too) Leah says back to him
**************************
After Collin hung up the phone with Leah he went through his phone and looked
up the one detective he kept in contact with all these years.  Detective David
McCain kept in contact with Collin over the years. He always looked out for the
Milkovich siblings after everything happened. From helping Collin find Mickey
when he ran away, to being there for Collin when he was having a hard time
paying rent in the crappy 2 bedroom apartment he had for his siblings and
himself when he first got custody of them.
If anyone could help him, it would detective McCain… Well hopefully.
Nick made his way to Ian’s house on the South side. He didn’t tell Ian
anything, just that he wanted to see him and that he needed to crash at his
place for a while.  Ian didn’t mind being that there was plenty of space and
Nick would be with him in his room anyways. Their time in New York was amazing,
they went everywhere and anywhere. Ian honestly didn’t want to leave but Debbie
needed him more home and he did have a job to come back to.
Nick didn’t know much about Ian’s family except what he told him which was some
were a few things. Like Fiona leaving taking Carl and Liam. Lip coming back
home apparently he needed to figure shit out. Something about his ex and wanted
to settle down and that he wasn’t quite ready yet. Or so Ian was told, most
likely Lip wanted to be single again and just needed an excuse not to hurt the
girl he was seeing. He said he loved her, but there were “Problems in their
relationship” that they had to figure out.  Then there was Debbie. See there
was more to Debbie then Ian didn’t tell Nick.
So when Nick got a text message from Ian to just come in the house but to stay
down stairs for a while till he came down, he asked why. Ian just didn’t
respond. When he entered the house it was quiet, but he could hear noises
upstairs. He just went straight for the kitchen and grabbed a beer, and while
he did that Ian came down the stairs.
“Hey you.” Ian says to Nick as soon as he spots him.
“Hey Red. What up?” Nick says as he kisses his boyfriend, and Ian smiles softly
at him.
“Nothing just uh if Debbie comes down can you like be nice to her, like extra
nice and not a dick.” Ian says to Nick.
With that statement Nick raises his eyebrows at Ian “I like that sister, not
the other bitch.” Nick says pointing upstairs where Debbie must have been.
“Okay well just be, you know careful with her.” Ian says
“Why what wrong?” Nick says
Ian’s eye got dark and he tenses up. See the thing was, Debbie’s incident
happened and he felt like it was his fault. He didn’t want to remember getting
a call from the hospital, or seeing his sister in tears, or the police talking
to him and her while she relieved the most fucked up day of her life.
“Okay so a few month ago my sister she was um… she was taken advantage us. And
uh…The asshole at some party that by the way, I told her and gave her
permission to go to had forced himself on her.  So she hasn’t talked about it,
and sometimes she gets really depressed and just cries. Some nights she even
has nightmares…I took her to the doctor to see a therapist and talk about it,
but she hasn’t and … fuck man.” Ian looks down and Nick could see he felt
defeated.
“What Ian? “ Nick says
“She won’t talk about it Nick. The doctor said to watch her and make sure she
doesn’t do anything to herself…. I …. I can’t lose my sister. They caught the
asshole and he’s locked up, so she isn’t so scared to go out anymore, but she
gets nightmares sometimes.” Ian now gets emotional and angry when he speaks to
Nick “S-she doesn’t socialize with her friends anymore in school and she stays
to herself. She looks…I don’t even know how to explain it!” Ian looks at Nick
with eye widen trying to blink back tears. “She my baby sister and I can’t
protect her. She-I wasn’t there to protect her!”
Ian told Nick all this and Nick tensed up however Ian didn’t notice when it
happened. Being taken advantage of….Rape, he meant to say rape, but didn’t.
 The way Ian says it to him “taken advantage of” was just a better way of
saying rape. That was a word he hated, a word he knew all too well. He felt for
Debbie, but he couldn’t show that. That meant showing weakness and Nick was the
one who protected Mickey from pain and the truth. From everything really, so
there was no room for weakness...Nick knew how Debbie felt; the pain, the
guilt, the disgust, the numbness; but he also knew the will to be strong
because that’s what he was. Because that’s what you have to do in order to
survive! Nick nods his head and Ian notice how Nick mannerism changed.
“Hey uh…you think I can talk to her?” Nick found himself saying before even
knew it.
Ian looks at him puzzled but nodded his head. “Uh yeah; she’s um she’s
upstairs. But I mean are you sure? I doubt she’s going to talk to you. I mean
she hasn’t cried since it happened and she was just crying and crying and
refused to even let me hold her. Shit she hasn’t even let no one touched her or
hug her since it happened.” Ian says to Nick.
Nick just nods his head slowly and made his way upstairs not saying a word to
his boyfriend. He didn’t know if Ian followed him, or if he stood down stairs
waiting for him. He walked up to Debbie’s door and knock on it.
“Ian I told you leave me the fuck alone, I’m fine.”  Debbie says through the
door.
Nick opened the door and saw the young redhead sitting on her bed with her head
down blanket over her shoulders.
“Ian I said…” Debbie trailed off as she saw Nick standing at her doorway.
“Not Ian” Nick says standing at the door closing it slightly.
“No shit. Hey Nick, what’s up? Ian’s not here I kicked him out my room.” Debbie
says as she wiped her face with her hands.
“Yeah I know, saw his tall ass down stairs. But I decided to see you.” Nick
says
“Well, let me guess Ian told you right!” Debbie says bitterly “Well I’m fine
okay! So you can go back down stairs. I don’t need yours or his or anyone
else’s god damn sympathy” Debbie says to Nick with some heat in her voice.
“I’m not here to give you shit… Honestly I just wanted to see if you needed
anything. Like, fuckin I’m about to go make your brother take me to the store
and get some shit. And I wanted to know if you wanted to get High! I got some
good weed.” Nick says calmly to Debbie. He didn’t know why but for some reason
those eyes were his once. He knew what she was feeling but refused to let
anyone know it. Even Ian.
Debbie looks at him and she nods her head in response. She was silent for a
moment, than she spoke softly. “Do you ever wonder why you’re born? Like why on
earth, are you as a person… are here? Like…why…you know?.....why do people…….”
Debbie huffed and sighed “forget it, its stupid to think anyways.”  Debbie was
looking at Nick and he was just staring at her seeing how her pleading eyes
wanted answer, to make sense of things. To at least, make some sense of it all!
“I don’t know? Honestly this world is full of fucked up people, fuck up things
and shit happens.”  Was all Nick say and can think of. Debbie just nods and
looks away.
She then looks at Nick and stares at him dead in his eyes and spoke to him. “I
sometimes feel like…like I’m nothing. Like I was born in this world for people
to just hurt me, use me, fuck, even destroy me. I feel like I’m nothing, like
dead inside, like everyone’s upset because I can’t or won’t talk about it! But
they don’t get it.” Nick was silent and Debbie continues to talk looking at
him. “They don’t get how it feels to wake up and not want to wake up… How it
feels to look in the mirror and not see yourself anymore. Or how it feels that
like on the outside as much as you are clean that you fell-“
Nick then cut her off. “Dirty all the time…disgusted with yourself so much that
all you wanna do is be numb from the pain and feeling anyway you can and
shit…Or when you try to rid yourself of the memories of that pain that’s there
any way you can.” They were silent for a moment but he continues to speak
slowly and lowly to Debbie. “Or how no matter what you do, when you go to
sleep, you still have them in your mind and wake up with them. Like there still
on your body…It don’t go away because it’s apart of you, because that one
person took away somethin that you ain't never getting back ever… or at least
that’s how it feels.” Nick looks at Debbie and he could see the tears rolling
down her face.
What both of them didn’t know was that Ian was outside the door listen. His
heart was hurting. He never heard his sister talk about her rape, or that even
Nick must have experienced something similar if not the same from the way he
was speaking to Debbie…It was as if he knew what she was feeling. Ian wanted to
so badly go in Debbie’s room and hold his sister and his boyfriend tight and
close and tell them that no one will ever hurt them again. But he knew if he
did this Debbie would be pissed off at him for eavesdropping in on her, and
Nicks would curse him and most like punch him and get mad at him. So he slowly
made his way back down stairs making sure to miss the steps on the stairs that
made noise.
Meanwhile Debbie looks at Nick. She gets up and stands in front of him. He
looks at her and saw some kind of relief in her eyes, but pain nonetheless.
“Thanks.” Was all she says and grabs his hand and squeezes it.
“For what?” Nick says and take his hand away from hers.
“For understanding… and listening” Debbie says
Nick just shrugged at what she said. “So you want anything or no, because once
we leave and come back from the store, I aint going out and your brother got
work in the morning I’m guessing.” Nick says to her.
“No I’m okay…thanks again anyways.” And with that she walks out of her room
into the bathroom. But before she could close the door to the bathroom Nick
spoke.
“Hey Debbie?”
“Yeah” She responds to Nick as she turns to look at him.
“Don’t let what happen to you break you. You and me we're strong people. So
fuck what other people say or how they look at you. Just simply tell them to
fuck themselves. We here ain’t we? And where are those dumb fuck huh….Nowhere!
they aint nobody. I’ve always been a fighter… and so should you. Beat the shit
out of people if you have to, hurt them so they don’t hurt you, but don’t
fucking make them make you! You got that shit. Yeah it’s a painful reminder but
that shit aint you. You got that. Remember that…understood?” Nick says to her
Debbie nods her head and smiles “Yeah… Yeah I know now.” She then closed the
door to the bathroom.
Nick makes his way down stairs and found Ian in the kitchen cooking. He went to
his boyfriend and put his arms around him and brought Ian’s back close to his
chest. He leaned over and kissed his cheek, and just held him tight then let’s
go of him. Ian turns to looks at Nick and smiles. “So how is she?” Ian asked.
“I think she good now. Just needed to talk to someone different I guess and
shit.” Nick says
Ian give Nick a small smile “Yeah… well thanks.”
Nick shrugs his shoulders and speaks “Well, what can I say; I am an awesome
boyfriend…so duh.” Nick says as he takes a beer from the refrigerator.
“You’re okay I guess.” Ian said and laughs when Nick flips him off. “So you got
work tonight?”
“Nah I ain't got work today or tomorrow. I ain’t want to go right after we got
back. So I go back next week and shit.” Nick says as he drinks his beer. “So
look do you mind if I stay here for a while.  My apartment got some fuckin
infestation problem in it.”
“What kind of infestation?” Ian said to him with his eyebrows raised up.
“Remember the stupid ass siblings I told you about?” Nick says
“Yeah.” Ian answers him
“Yeah well them. I don’t want them in my shit and apparently they feel like
that they can get in my shit. So until I find a new place, I was hoping maybe I
can crash here for a while if you don’t mind and shit. I can give you money for
rent or whatever you want.” Nick tells Ian
“Sure you can stay here, but you don’t have to give me money okay. Maybe for
food because your ass can fucking eat.” Ian said to Nick.
“Fuck you!” Nick said and laughs. “So what I can eat; not my fault. You see
this body. It takes a lot to make it look this way and working out, dancing on
stage, and fuckin you makes me hungry.” Nick says with amusement in his voice.
Biting his lips he walked over to Ian and kisses him hungrily and passionately.
As he pulled away from the kiss he saw his redhead almost lose balance.
Ian had to hold onto the counter as Nick pulled away from him. God the things
Nick did to him were incredible. Nick looked at him seductively and all Ian
could do was reply by shoving Nick up against the refrigerator and kiss him
hard. Nick deepens the kiss by grabbing Ian’s neck with one hand and uses his
other pulling Ian’s hair with the other and moans into Ian’s mouth. Ian moans
back into Nick mouth and works his way down to Nicks’ neck sucking and nibbling
at it. Nick hitched his breath and moves his head to the side so Ian could get
better access. Ian grabs Nick ass and then flipped him over whispers words to
Nick that made him eager to pull down his pants. Ian then wet two of his
fingers in his mouth and made his way down to Nicks hole and puts them in his
ass while kissing and sucking on Nicks neck.
Nick grunts and pushes himself back into Ian’s fingers, trying to get Ian to go
deeper. Ian scissors Nick until Nick said “Fuck I’m ready… shit get in me
baby.” That’s all Ian needed to hear. Nick and Ian weren’t using condoms
anymore. Nick took Ian to the free clinic with him when they were in New York
because he wanted to stop using condoms. So when they exchanged test results
they were on each other instantly.
Ian took the lube out of pocket and brought his pants down and coated himself
with the lube. “You had that the whole time and you asshole.” Nick says to Ian,
when he turns around to look at Ian from his position leaning over the counter.
Ian just laughs and kisses Nick before he can say anything else. Ian pushes
himself inside of Nick. Nick felt warm inside, tight and amazing. Nick puts his
arm in front of him to rest his head on it, as Ian started to move. Nick was
meeting every thrust Ian was giving him. Ian was moving faster and so was Nick.
Nick grabs Ian’s hip trying to push him in deeper and he the moans and screams
Nick were making was blissful to Ians’ ears.  Nick starts to feel that familiar
tingling sensation that spreads up from inside his stomach and moves all over
his body. He tightens himself around Ian, and Ian loves when he does that. Ian
grabs Nick and starts to pump him with every thrust he was making. It only
takes a few thrust and both of them are cumming and their riding out their
orgasm at the same time moaning each other’s name.  Ian turns the water on in
the sink and cleans his hands and gets the some tissue to help clean Nick up.
“If I get to fuck you every night you can stay as long as you want and eat as
much food as you want.” Ian says breathless leaning up against the counter next
to Nick now.
Nick laughs and turns into Ian’s embrace. “See I knew your ass just wanted my
ass for sex and shit. I mean I am worth a good pretty fucking penny and shit.”
He smiles and kisses Ian.
Nick was looking at Ian and for the first time in forever being who he was; he
was finally happy. Sure Nick was always around for Mickey no matter what and
would come in when Mickey couldn’t handle things or when shit got to real for
Mickey to handle.  Nick dealt with the pain, the hurt, the reality of feeling
sorrow, sadness of the point that would make anyone want to kill themselves
really. That’s why he was strong enough to handle anything, and strong enough
to keep Mickey at bay. Meanwhile feeling this different kind of feelings with
Ian was interesting, and he didn’t want to let that go.  For once Nick deserve
to be happy. He had that right and no one was going to take it away from him,
even if he had to burry Mickey down forever and never let him come back. This
was Nick’s life now. He deserves it after all, it was only fare.
However he had no idea what kind of battle he was going to be up against in the
coming months, but right now in this moment with Ian. Being with him holding
him, kissing him, talking to him, just being around him. That was worth what
was coming.
*************************
After talking to detective David who was now Captain of Chicago’s finest in his
prescient; Captain David McCain said he would do anything he can do to help
Collin if what he told him about Mickey was true. The Captain knew that Collin
wouldn’t come to him if he wasn’t so worried about Mickey, and in need of help.
If there was one thing the ex-detective knew about the Milkovich siblings; it
was that they always handled their problems in any way they could on their own
with no help. But when push comes to shove, if need be they would ask for help,
and that was only and if only they had no other opinion. Like a last resort of
such.
Leah was coming to Chicago to help him and now here he was with the captain
making his way upstairs to Mickey place.
The ex-detective now Captain was 5’10. Well-built for his age, dark brown hair,
with blue eyes. He had a goatee style of beard. The ex-detective always had a
serious experience on his face, never really smiled from what Collin could
remember. To say nonetheless Collin always did feel somewhat uncomfortable
around any form of police, but Captain McCain was somewhat of a friend to
Collin and his siblings.
“So we go in and talk to Mick and I confront him, and hopefully he’s just being
a dick and nothing more.” Collin says to the Captain as they ride the elevator
upstairs to Mickey’s place.
“Okay, but if he’s not.” Captain McCain says to Collin moving from inside the
elevator to the hallway.
“If he is who I think he is, and not Mick…” Collin says and pauses for a moment
before he spoke again and sighs “Then I’m going to admit him in to the hospital
and I need you to restrain him or stop him from leaving in case he runs or even
fucking assaults me.” Collin says Captain McCain
“You’re afraid of Mickey of your own brother?” Captain McCain asks Collin.
“Honestly...Yeah. My brother can fucking fight and I can take a few hits, but
if this is not Mickey, then I don’t even want to know what this other person
will do to me…if he’s like schizo or something he can be dangerous…. But you
didn’t see how he was just… I don’t know how to explain it. Angry doesn’t seem
to even be right, he was beyond that when I talk to him.” Collin says to McCain
Collin knocks on Mickey’s door. He didn’t answer it, and then Collin saw the
door open and looks at Captain McCain in silent. That was when Captain McCain
pulled out his gun and pushes Collin aside. Slowly he pushes Mickey’s door open
and calls out to him with his gun pointed inside the apartment.
“Wait here until I search the place, just in case someone came in here and
broke in” McCain says to Collin and Collin nods his head yes.
Captain McCain searches Mickey’s apartment and when he found nothing he called
for Collin to come in. Collin steps into Mickeys place and looks around. He
found Mickey’s phone along with his credit cards and bank cards on the table.
They were just here lying on the table tossed. Collin looks at the Captain and
shakes his head. Mickey left… he wasn’t here his things were all here, but not
him.
Collin didn’t know what to do now, and had a bad feeling he wasn’t going to see
his brother for a long time.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Notes
      
     I hope you guys like this one. Its a really interesting let me know
     what you guys think okay.
It had been 6 month since anyone heard from Mickey. Collin had put in a missing
person report however there was no luck. Even Captain McCain had asked his
office to keep an eye out for the young Milkovich but no one saw him.  Collin
even reached out to Mickeys ex-boyfriend Colt who said he hadn’t seen Mickey in
over 6 months. Colt sound concern over the phone Collin thought and said he
would go to some of the place him and Mickey use to hang out to see if he saw
him. Colt also told Collin that none of his co-workers at the hospital had seen
Mickey either. No one saw him around there old spots they use to hang out
around.
It was weird Mickey just disappeared. Mandy and Iggy cough it up to him just
leaving not wanting to be bothered. He practically did it when he went to New
York so they didn’t see as a problem to be bothered by it for a while. It
wasn’t until the 3 rd  month that they felt worried not knowing where there
brother was at. However they did know he was okay, because he was still
emailing the clubs out in New York and picking out the music and sending the
music he recorded to them to play at the clubs. Mickey loved Music and for some
reason music was his way of speaking. So when Mandy got a call from one of
their managers at the club saying Mickey had emailed her, Mandy told Collin who
was slightly relieved but also worried. All three siblings were relieved but
worried that there little brother didn’t show up for work, didn’t bothered call
or even send a fucking postcard. Like what the fuck man. Mandy started to feel
like he must not really care at all and Iggy was feeling the same way. However
Collin felt otherwise.
Collin still hadn’t told his brother and sister about what he suspected about
Mickey, and he honestly felt helpless. But all he could do was search for his
brother, maintain working as much as he could, and lean on his wife for
support. God if He didn’t have her he didn’t know what he would do.
"What are you thinking about?” Leah asks Collin
Collin sighs “Mickey…. I wonder what he’s doing… If he’s okay, of if I’ve just
been misreading him for month now. Before what I told you and everything. But
it’s been 6 fucking months and not a word.”  Collin turns to Leah and asks her
a question now. “You don’t think he thinks I might know or whatever the fuck it
is. Do you think he knows I think something wrong with him? Could that be why
he ran off and left everything behind?”
“That can be a possibility or what I am hoping is that he just needed to get
away and decided to leave and not tell anyone maybe. But honestly it doesn’t
sound like him to just up leave. He didn’t take his phone his lap top, his
cards, nothing. Not even his car and we know that’s his baby.” Leah tells
Collin. She’s always told him like it was and didn’t sugar coat anything and he
appreciated her for that even more.
“Fuck I know.... Leah I have to find him. I have to know if he’s okay or if he
is not and if he’s not then we have to help him.” Collin says looking at her
with worried eyes.
‘’I know hunny, don’t worry. We will find him and help him if he is sick.
Okay?” Leah says to him “But if he’s not, which I’m praying he isn’t. Then
maybe your brother needs some space, to you know…find himself. It happens. It’s
called life.”
“Yeah okay.” Collin says nodding his head and picks up his phone to call
Captain McCain to see if anyone saw Mickey.
 ***********************************
 Staying with Ian had become something really nice, something Nick got used to
doing. It had been 6 months and he was happy.  Dancing at the club, giving lap
dances to whoever paid for them, having Ian get jealous which was somewhat fun
for him. Whenever Ian would get jealous of men who tried to hit on Nick or
touch him while he danced. Ian would take Nick home or even in the back room at
the club and fuck him hard and fast just like Nick liked. He would always ask
Ian if he trust him, and Ian would tell him yes he did. Their relationship was
growing and the more that happened, the more Nick fell for Ian, the more it was
hard to not hide Mickey. Yeah Mickey was someone but now Nick was someone even
more, and this was his life. Mickey already had his life so now Nick was here
ready to have his life. It was a little crazy to explain, but the shit was… how
would he explain it to Ian. After all Ian deserved the truth. The fact of the
matter is, when should he tell Ian? How will he react? Will he leave Nick? Will
Nick feel hurt, I mean he’s felt pain before and he’s handle it, but will it be
different kind of hurt and pain? Does love really hurt you more? This was
something Nick wondered about a lot recently
Then Nick thought that he just shouldn’t tell Ian and end things. That way no
one was hurt, but then he thought about how it would hurt Ian and he didn’t
want that. Like when the fuck did he become soft? Because that was not him.
 Nick didn’t give a shit about anyone’s feelings. He could care less if he made
you cry or want to kill yourself because frankly he just didn’t give a shit.
 Nick was a guy who fuck any guy he wanted, got high anyway he can, and didn’t
give a shit about the consequences because it was fun! And what was wrong with
having fun? But with Ian…Well that was different. There was fun, there was
excitement, and there was adventure and laughter and safety. That safety is
what made Nick think hard and long. That was something he didn’t experience.
Being safe with someone. That was new to him…scary even. With Ian he was
though, he was safe. Ian always told him he would keep him safe when Nick woke
up one night screaming in his sleep for someone to get off of him. It was the
first time in a long time that he was dreaming those fucking events all over
again.
Of course Ian didn’t ask he just helped Nick and told him he would be okay. He
told him softly and embrace him, telling him that he would protect Nick. That
was when Nick want to tell him everything. But he couldn’t. Not now anyways.
You see the one thing Nick didn’t expect was for him to fall in love with Ian,
and he knew that Ian was falling in love with him as well.
During these 6 month Ian more happy than he had ever thought he could be. He of
course tried to get Nick to quit the job at the club, but Nick always told him
“I like to dance and I love to be free on the floor. It makes me feel like I
have control.” Every time it was always the same thing. Ian had started police
academy a few month ago. Not to long after that Nick asked Ian if he could stay
with him until he found a new place. Ian didn’t mind, in fact it was nice to
come home to Nick even though he would either be sleeping or working out.
Sometimes he found him playing the piano or on the laptop mixing music. Ian
like the feeling of being domestic as some would call it. He didn’t care.
While in the academy they pay you as if you’re on the job, training school all
that shit; so the pay was good. Ian would try like every week to get Nick to
quit the job, but again always failed at the attempted and would sometimes go
to the club to make sure no one was being to handys with Nick. Once Ian had to
put a guy on his ass but it was because the bouncers at the club were not
paying attention and some random fucker tried to grab Nick’s ass. Nick did pull
away ready to swing on the guy when all of sudden Ian’s fist hit the guy jaw.
Causing it to break, or at least that’s what they guy muttered as he was
escorted out the building.  Nick and Ian got into fight about that. Nick told
him he wasn’t some weakling that needs to be rescued. But Ian simply told him
to shut the fuck up about it.
Just like any couple they fought, but Ian was happy. He also didn’t want Nick
to leave either he just didn’t know how to tell him not to leave. That he
wanted him to stay. One day he saw Nick looking at apartments. 2 bedroom, one
for himself and another for a studio. Ian panic when he saw this.
“So your leaving” Ian asked curiously
“huh” Nick says as he looks up from what he was reading
“The paper has an apartment circling it” Ian says pointing at the paper Nick
had in his hand now
“Oh yeah, why? I did say I was gonna stay for a bit till I found something.
Plus I get in so late and you gotta be up early and shit might as well right?”
Nick says to Ian hoping his boyfriend would say no and stop him at least. He
really wanted to stay but felt like he was being too comfortable. He wasn’t
sure Ian wanted him to stay. He did tell him it was only temporary.
“Umm that doesn’t bother me you know. You coming home late.” Ian says and
smiles at Nick who in returned smile back
“You sure about that?” Nick says while he raises his eyebrows
“Yup” Ian says with a pop sound.
Ian didn’t want his boyfriend to leave, so ever since then he would make up
excuses or would hint to Nick that it’s nice to wake up to him in the morning
time, or how it’s always better to have someone to sleep with. That it
apparently helps him sleep, even though Nick would get in from the club at like
4 am and Ian would be sound asleep.  Nick knew Ian didn’t want him to go since
then. So Nick never left, and Ian was content with that. Nick would help pay
some of the bills like light and water, and it all fell into place.   
________________________________
It was hot out now, not like it was a few months ago. The spring summer weather
was still around which was Nicks favorite weather or so that’s what he told
Ian. He was wearing his tight black tank top with black short. Earring in his
right ear as always. Black eyeliner on, which Debbie always told him before he
left the house that it was so hot out that it might melt off. But it didn’t. He
had sunglasses on and his hair as always was spiked up, clean and cut just
right. He went out to meet up with Ian for lunch. They did this sometimes, when
he saw Ian in his uniform, he was hungry alright but for something else.
“So will you arrest me if I take you into the back alley and suck you off sir.”
Nick says to Ian seductively playful
“Call me sir more often and I won’t” Ian shot back with a wicked grin. He knew
Nick loves it when he wore his uniform, which was every day. At times it was
hard to keep Nick off of Ian, but other times Ian didn’t mind.
"Remind me what time you get out” Nick says and kisses Ian passionately and
grabs him through his pants.
"Luck for you early today. We had a test, and yes I passed by the way… Are you
going to reward me?” Ian tells Nick flirting with him as always
“Hmmmm Maybe, if you make it worth my while of course.” Nick says lowly to Ian
biting his lip.
“I’ll use the handcuff and make you beg.” Ian whisper back next to Nicks’ ear
and bit it.
“Yeah okay.” Nick says immediate. He likes it when Ian did that. He trusts him.
They ate lunch at the diner near the prescient, food was okay and they talked
about random shit like always. But this time Nick was curious to see what Ian
was going to say about the topic of him.
“So your new cop buddies don’t mind you dating a dancer?” Nick says. It was no
hiding that he didn’t like cops of course. But there was the minor exception of
his boyfriend training to be one.
“What?” Ian said and looks up from his plate of food
Nick points to himself and Ian as he speaks “Me. Dancer. You rookie in training
and shit. Us being a couple they don’t mind it? Haven’t said shit about it?”
Nick asks
“Well I haven’t really told anyone about my private life except they did ask if
I had a special lady, and I told them no I had a special man.” Ian says smiling
at Nick trying to figure out what he was trying to ask him.
“So they know you’re gay.” Nick says to Ian
“Yeah. And before you say anything. No they don’t give a shit.” Ian says
“But they would if they found out your boyfriend is a dancer who use to sell
himself right?” Nick says seriously looking at Ian's face to see his facial
expression. And there it was Ian knew it! Nick has a way of bringing shit up
without really saying what he wanted to ask. It was just his way.
It was never a given thought that Ian hated that Nick use to hook around. He
didn’t like him dancing either, but Nick stuck to his guns and likes to dance.
With the money he made from dancing and the club he had in New York with his
sister (Which by the way he did not like to talk about her) Ian hated that part
that Nick didn’t speak about his siblings much, but anyways. Nick wasn’t
hooking anymore but still he could see his boyfriend wanted to know if he was
ashamed of him for that, which he wasn’t.
“First of all I don’t give a fuck if they know you’re a dancer or that you use
to hook around. Second of all your past, just like mines, is or our past.
That’s none of their business. You’re a dancer and I’m studying to be a cop.
But I don’t see you to be just a dancer who shakes his ass for old undercover
asshole fucks. I see someone who gets on that stage, who dances like no one is
watching. Who can care less if anyone is watching him? I see you as an artist,
I see it when you play your music, or when write...and yes I see you write in
that book all the time when you think I’m not looking. I see it, rather I hear
it when you sing in the shower which by the way you have an amazing voice. Or
when you’re at the club and you give the DJ your music and you’re dancing to
it…your amazing. So again I don’t give a fuck what they know, what they do
know. I’m not ashamed of the man that I love is all those things and more.” Ian
says to Nick without blinking or looking away from Nick
 Nicks face changes and softens “The man that you love?” Nick says questioning.
“Yes you asshole I love you. Okay is that a problem?” Ian says to him.
“No, but I knew you would say it first.” Nick says teasing Ian.
“Oh fuck you.” Ian says and laughs. He knew Nick wasn’t going to say it, but
just by the look in his eyes, he knew Nick did love him. He kind of wish he
would tell it back to him though.
“Later not now.” Nick says and is laughing
Ian loved him. Holly shit he did love him. And now it was time for Nick to tell
Ian. Maybe he would be mad, but if he loved him, he wouldn’t stay mad. Right?
After finishing lunch they made their way outside and Nick kissed Ian bye as he
was making his way back into the building and then says fuck it he needed to
try and like do something, and tell Ian what he was feeling. Even though he
wasn’t good at it.
“Wait, wait hey Ian!” Nick yells out to Ian softly.
“Yeah baby” Ian replies as he turns around to face Nick.
“There’s uh something I have to tell you that I need to tell you…uhhh “ Nick
laughs and looks at Ian.
“Hmmm Something important okay” Ian teases him
“Yeah and a I never thought it would be” Nick says looking up at Ian trying
hard to figure out what to say without making the man he has fallen in  love
with run off.
“Okay you’ve got my attention” Ian says to Nick facing him directly and
somewhat intrigued with what Nick was being so serious about now.
“I … I-I think.” Nick was shuddering and Nick didn’t do that. Fuck was this so
hard to tell Ian.
“You think what?” Ian says to Nick
“Asshole will you shut the fuck up please okay and let me finish.” Nick tells
Ian
Ian chuckles and smiles brightly at Nick as he’s is apparently flustered and
shyly embraced, which is something Ian as never seen before.
“You know that thing that you said before” Nick says to Ian trying to make him
remember because telling him he loved him in a different language he could do,
Or when Ian was sleeps that’s fine with him, but right now in front of him!
Fuck it was hard to admit it, because this feeling was new to Nick
“Oh yeah um, which shirt to wear with what pants and shoes, that thing?” Ian
laughs and Nick just laughs with him
Nick huff in amusement “Asshole you know that thing”
“Hmm yeah no I don’t know that you’re talking about.” Ian says to him. He was
amused at how his boyfriend was literally being shy in front of him. Something
he has not seen in Nick since they met.
“Ugh you’re gonna make me say it aren’t you dick breath.  God I hate you.” Nick
says to Ian
“No You don’t” Ian says now taking a risk.
“Yeah I don’t…..I think I’m falling in love with you” Nick says but he didn’t
stop there “… I think I want spend the rest of my life with you and all that
crap. I want us to move like you said and get a place of our own. I want to
take the next step. I just...I fuckin  can’t say those 3 letter words yet, but
Ian I…Fuck. Why can’t you just get what I’m saying and save me from embracing
myself please.” Nick tells Ian, pleading with him to understand what he was
saying to his tall red headed lover.
Ians’ smile couldn’t have gotten brighter but it did and he was smiling at Nick
while saying “I love you too.”
“Yeah” Nick laughs again and then he face becomes serious. “An um there’s a few
things I have to tell you about me when you come home tonight… I just hope
that… that you won’t stop loving me.”
“Nick you don’t have tell me nothing okay. That is your past and I would love
to spend the rest of my life with you okay. Babe (Ian now brought his hands to
cup Nicks face and spoke to him) you don’t have to tell me nothing. We live in
the present okay? The past is there for a reason.” Ian tells Nick holding his
hand now and playing with his fingers
“Look I want to spend my life with you to and shit Ian .... Fuckin we can go
downtown to the courts like a bunch of queens and get married, but I have to
tell you everything. It’s only fare and right.” Nick says to Ian
“Was that a proposal babe?” Ian says teasingly. Something he loves to do. He
likes it when Nick blushes red and gets flustered
“What? No no no I –I-I Just. Look okay asshole I have to talk to you and let
you know a few things about me okay.” Nick says he hated when Ian did that to
him, but he loved it to.
“Okay. Well how about we do it now? Let me go get my shit and me and you can go
home and talk okay. But I’m telling you right now… Nothing’s going to stop me
from loving you… you got that” Ian says to Nick and kisses him.
“Yeah tough guy.” Nick smiles “Go get your shit so we can go okay.”
Nick smiles as Ian goes into the building to get his bag so they can head back
to the Gallagher house. That was when all of a sudden Colt was walking and sees
Mickey standing alone smiling.
“Mickey?” Colt says to him from behind.
Nick turns around with a shock look on his face that becomes angry at the sight
and hearing of Colt.
“Mickey, hey babe… Where have you been? Your brothers and sister have been
trying to contact you.” Colt says to Mickey, but Colt notice how he was
ignoring him.
Nick is walking away trying to cross the street, but stops and looks at Colt
“Hey look man um. I’ve been around. You know doing me and shit. So look. How we
left shit and you know how we left things and ah you and me. Were done
practically so let’s call it what it is you know.” Nick was tellings Colt
hoping he didn’t notice that he wasn’t Mickey.
“What?! Your breaking up with me? Mick we had a fight what the fuck man. That
doesn’t mean you disappear and then all of sudden break up with me. Why?” Cold
says
“It’s the right thing for both of us. Plus we were both. I’m pretty sure we’re
done” Nick tries to be polite, well Mickey polite anyways.
“No…you are fucking bugging that’s not fair. You go and you’re gone for Months
okay Mick. Months! And I don’t see you or hear from you and now you’re
officially telling me you want to end it? Plus your brothers and sister man
they-“ Just then Colt was cut off
“Look okay me and you. We’re done from that day okay! If you don’t remember I
can pleasantly refresh your fuckin memory okay. And you’re not listening to me
aight. So listen nice and clearly you fucking jerk off. WE. ARE. Done. That’s
it. So you can fuck off with another guy or whatever. I mean shit I’m surprise
you still think we’re together it’s been what 5 months 6? And yet you’re still
thinking we’re together.” Nick says snaps at Colt.
“Fuck that okay. You’re my boyfriend you can’t just not explain to me! That’s
bullshit and your brother has been looking for you.” Colt says to Mickey
“I Don’t. Give. A flying fuck. You mean nothing to me honestly, so there goes
your reason.” Nick tells Colt
“I love you Mickey.” Colt tells Mickey hoping he would get a response.
“Yeah but see I don’t fuckin give a shit and I don’t love you so… you know what
fuck off!” Nick says and tries to walk away, but Colt stopped him.
“Listen you expect me to accept that and just not do anything or say anything.
I tried to call you a thousand times to apologies for that night. I went to
your job and you weren’t there” Colt demanded of Mickey to explain.
“Look I’m done okay. I have to go, and you’re lucky I aint beating the shit out
of you okay.” Nick told Colt, he be damned if this fucker order him around. He
wasn’t his keeper! Fuck that.
“No look at me damn it Mickey” Colt grabs Mickey and turns him around so he
could look at him.
“Get off of me now, before I kick your ass.” Nick says in a deadly low voice to
Colt.
“No Look at me and tell me Mickey. Tell me you don’t want me.” Colt says
Nick is looking away from Colt trying hard to get out of his hold, and his head
is starting to hurt again. He’s getting weaker and its Mickey…Shit Mickeys
trying to come back out! No he can’t let it happen.  He can’t, and he won’t let
Mickey come out. He grabs his head and yells.
“Stop… fuck! Get away from me.! I DON’T FUCKING WANT YOU I HATE YOU AND YOU’RE
THE MOST DISGUSTING WORTHLESS PIECE OF LAY I HAVE EVER HAD!” Nick shoves Colt
away who was on the floor now. Nick turns around and starts to walk away, but
then…
What Nick didn’t know was that Colt had called Collin and told him where he was
before he even approached Mickey. So now Nick saw Collin pulling up in a car
walking towards him. This was not good; if Ian saw Collin with him talking, it
wouldn’t be good. Nick wanted to tell Ian everything in his own words at the
right time and place. He wanted to do it in private, and tell him about Mickey
living in him, but that he was real person and that Mickey was the weak. That
Mickey was the one who needed him for everything. How he loves Ian and yeah he
would tell him he love him and give him everything, and tell him everything if
it meant not being around these fucking people and only being with Ian.
Nick had to think fast, so he started walking away faster away from the
opposite way from Colt and away from Collin. He hoped to god he lost these
fucking people now. But it was just his luck that Collin was faster than him.
“Mickey!” Collin yells from behind running to his brother. Nick tries hard to
ignore the man behind him but came to stop when he hit a dead end and had no
choice but to turn around and now look at him.
“Mickey what the fuck? Where have you been?” Collin asked
“Around. Why?” Nick says to Collin like he’s just another person on the street.
A stranger basically
“What? What do you mean why? Mickey look I know what happen before a few month
ago was bad okay. I get that but this is me your brother okay. Talk to him
Mick.” Collin pleads to him
“Noooooo. I don’t want to talk to you or that dumb fuck that was across the
street. Aight? Look and listen to me okay. I don’t want nothin to do with you
or Mandy or Iggy. For all I care yah can go the fuck to hell okay. So just
leave me alone. Shit pretend I don’t fucking exist okay.” Nick says to Collin
coldly
“What? No Mickey seriously we need to talk. I know somethings up” Nick was
walking again and just as he walks away Collin grabs his brother and turns him
around.
“Look at me god damn it. It’s me it’s your brother, your best friend. Talk to
me for fuck sacks. You can’t just fucking kick me out of your life for no
reason. Mickey... Mickey look at me damn it!” Collin yells and his brother is
trying to move away but then he puts his hands to his face and screams in pain.
Nick is in pain, hearing Collin talk to Mickey is making him feel weak. Why the
fuck did Mickey have to love his siblings. They did nothing for Mickey; it was
Nick who did everything. Who was there, who took control and who basically
shelter Mickey from what he couldn’t handle. Fuck he can feel himself slipping
away. But he had to fight for Ian. He wanted this life with him, all of it.
Nick had to tell Ian he loves him and wants to be with him. Fuck Mickey and his
old life. Nick needed to move on and have his life now. It was his turn. And
then just like that…….
“Collin? Collin…what-where am I?  Where are we?” Mickey says to his older
brother looking at him as if he was a child all over again. Collin held on to
him and then looks at him again.
“Mickey?  Oh My God Mickey look at me. Are you okay?” Collin says checking to
see if he was still with him.
“I-I don’t know… Where am I? I feel like I don’t know…I feel like I’m buzzed
and I feel exhausted, and now a little scared because you looking at me weird
and I don’t remember coming outside.” Mickey says looking around at where he
and Collin are at. He was so confused now. “Collin what the fuck?” Mickey was
babbling on and confused at this point.
“Mickey I have to take you home okay… Leah is there and we can talk okay. I
need you trust me.” Collin says carefully to Mickey
“Collin what’s going on? Where the fuck are we? And why am I dressed in these
clothes and is hot out here.” When Collin didn’t answer. Mickey asks him slowly
and carefully hoping to god that what he was feeling was wrong. “Collin….What
day is it?”
Collin looked at Mickey putting a small smile on his face. “Its May 8 th  Mick.
Its Tuesday. I haven't seen you since last year in September. You kind of left
and fell off the earth. I tried to look for you but I got nothing Mickey.”
The color in Mickey’s face drained instantly. It was supposed to be September
not May and of last year? What the fuck how did he blackout for about 9 months.
Now he was getting flashes and images of events that he was remembering. New
York? When did he go to New York? The red head person, he was a tall guy, but
he was remembering things about him, but who the fuck was he.
“Collin how the fuck could have I black out for 9 months? Why?” Mickey told
Collin nearly about to lose his shit.
“Hey. Hey don’t freak out okay. That’s why I’m here Mick. Leah is here too and
she has one of her old colleagues with her. We’re going to explain everything
and you’re going to see her so she can see what is really wrong with you okay.
And why you are having all these blackouts okay. I just need you come with me
okay.” Collin carefully tells his baby brother who was looking at him slightly
frightening but seemed to understand Collin’s request.
Mickey Nodded and they made their way to Collin’s car and drove off. Mickey was
having this weird feeling that things were about to get worse.
Just as Mickey left with Collin, Ian came out and was looking around for Nick
but didn’t find him. He took his phone out and tried to call him, but it went
straight to voicemail.  Ian had a weird feeling so he made his way home hoping
Nick was already there.
***** The Alter *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter has been edit for errors and grammar. If you guys see a
     mistake please let me know so I can fix it. Later xoxox
     So I know I haven't post in like a week. I've been busy with work and
     doing over time. But I managed to write this chapter and its long. I
     hope you guys like. As always let me know what you think leave your
     comments I love to read them and thank you so much for the kudos as
     well. Please note I did describe Mickeys mental illness and as the
     story goes on more will be added about his illness.
     In addition please not that the italic writing is of Nick not Mickey
     just in case anyone gets confused which I hope you done.
The drive to Collin’s apartment was quiet. Mickey was confused and slightly
scared but he didn’t show it. He looked himself in the mirror and saw his
reflection. He had an earring in his right ear, eyeliner on, his hair was
weirdly spiked up and he looked just different. This wasn’t him, not this style
anyways. Minutes later they were at Collins apartment and Mickey was in the
living room with Leah, Collin, and Leah’s colleague.  They were all sitting
down not saying a thing. Mickey was getting annoyed with the silences so he
spoke.
“Okay, so what’s wrong with me?” Mickey says as he looks at Collin and Leah
“It’s not that simple Mickey” Leah’s replies to him.
“Okay so make it simple…. I black out for nearly 9 months, I have no idea where
I have been or what I’ve been doing and right now I’m freaking the fuck out.”
Mickey nearly yells at Leah, but she ignores it. She knows her brother in law
is uncomfortable, upset, and very much confused with fear.
“Mr. Milkovich or can I call you Mickey?” Leah’s friend now said.
“Mickey.” Mickey replies to her now looking at her.
“Okay so from what Collin has told me and from what Leah has explained to me as
well, there can be many things that can explain why you are experiencing these
blackouts. But I need to know more.” Leah’s Colleague says
“I’m sorry who the hell are you anyway?” Mickey says annoyingly at the lady in
front of him
“I’m Doctor Charlene Jimenez, I’m a psychologist.” The doctor tells Mickey
who’s looking at her up and down suspiciously. He doesn’t know her and doesn’t
trust her, but since she’s Leah’s friend he thinks he can.
“Well what do you want to know?” Mickey asked annoyed at this point.
“I want to know more about the blackouts, and what other things have happened
to you recently that you can remember? Such as are you having delusions,
hearing voices, seeing things? Anything of that sort can help me, so I can help
you. I need to know what you’ve been experiencing and for how long.” Doctor
Jimenez says to Mickey.
Mickey nods his head and looks away from her. He’s not so sure he wants to tell
her everything or say anything, especially with Collin and Leah there with him.
The doctor can see his hesitation and then asked if Mickey would like for
Collin and Leah to leave, but he shakes his head no and then starts to explain
to her what has been going on.
“Mickey, I know what I’m about to ask you, you may think it’s weird but trust
me okay, it’s not. And whatever you tell me trust me, I won’t think anything of
it. Okay?” The doctor tells him.
“Okay” Mickey say in such a small voice. He feels well he doesn’t know what to
feel right now.
“I guess it started a while ago... Sometimes I would wake up really tired, even
when I would go to sleep early. Sometimes I would black out and I would be in
my boyfriend’s room lying down then next to him, then the next thing I know it
I’m in my apartment painting or doing random shit…... Um this one time I was
with Mandy and we were speaking to one another but then I wouldn’t remember
what we would talk about or how I went from talking to my sister to not
remember going to bed or her even leaving...Sometimes I would hear a voice but
I don’t know….. I just……” Mickey trailed off not saying anything more.
“Has anyone ever come up to you, like strangers saying thing such as that they
know you or recognize you and even call you by another name? Or do you
sometimes feel unreal like you’re more than one person?” Doctor Jimenez asked
Mickey.
“This one time um... It happened more than once but I would remember starting
to have sex or wanting to have sex with my boyfriend and then all of a
sudden... I wouldn’t remember us doing anything. Like I wasn’t me! And yeah it
felt unreal but I know we did it because of obvious reasons but I honestly
would not remember anything. This, uh… Apparently when I disappeared for a few
days, this happened like sometime last year like a few months ago really…. My
brothers and sister went to go look for me. They end up tracking me by my
information on my cards and it had been used at a hotel. But I never went to
that hotel. I tried to tell Collin a few times but he said that they saw me
there and there were video cameras and the statements on my credits and debt
showed I was there! They knew me by my last name and that apparently I was
there that night with someone. But they didn’t call me by my first name. I
don’t think they knew my name or something, but they knew me as Mr. Milkovich.”
The room was still silent and the doctor was writing things down on her
notebook so Mickey continued.
“I don’t remember any of that, none, the weird ass purchases on my debit card
and bank statement I didn’t do them. So I decided to go to the hotel and see
for myself that maybe someone stole my information or what the fuck ever and
they knew me by Mr. Milkovich. The girl at the front desk, she knew me and
recognized me and asked me were my friend was. Apparently I had been going
there for months and spending a ridiculous amount of money in this hotel in
this room with someone I don’t know… And before you ask, no I didn’t pay
attention to my account so much, I pay my bills on automatic every month so I
didn’t think anything of it… And ah I’ve painted a redheaded guy; sometimes I
get images of him like flashes of memories of him. He’s tall green eyes
beautiful smile, but I don’t know him.” Mickey says to the doctor.
“Has there been more than one blacked out that you cannot recall your actions
or how you were from one place to another?” Doctor Jimenez says as she writes
down her notes and looks at Mickey.
“The last time I talked to Mandy I was freaking out about how I was at Colts,
and then all of a sudden I’m painting a fucking picture of this guy in my
studio. I showed it to her and honestly I didn’t know I can paint that way or
at all.  I always bought the stuff and shit but never painted, it was like
something told me to buy it but I never did anything with it…I always wanted to
but I just didn’t have the time, same thing with the music sometimes I do it
and I don’t know...I don’t know why I just felt like I needed it and always
needed to buy those things…. Anyway the next thing I remember is waking up in
bed tired and just exhausted like I’ve been out all night. I don’t know.”
Mickey stopped talking and was just sitting down staring at the floor. He
didn’t want say anything about the last thing he remembered. But he figured he
had no choice now.
Mickey sighs and continues talking “The last thing I remember was when Colt
came in said he saw me at the club with someone, and accused me of cheating. I
told him I was home that he can even call Mandy, that she can tell him I was
home and he blew up….He ah...He was ah….Another time was a while ago. I was
with Colt we were fighting he was…. He was um... And the Next thing I remember
I’m looking at Collin talking to him and he was like yelling at me to look at
him…..”  Mickey was now uncomfortable with reliving what Colt had did to him or
was trying to do to him at the time. He remembers Colt being aggressive and
downright hateful when he was drunk.
The doctor saw how Mickey started to shut down, as if he didn’t want to talk
about it, but she pressed on.
“Any more other black outs you can remember?” The doctor asked
“Yeah, Um sometimes I would forget where I placed things, or sometimes I would
be watching TV then all of a sudden I’m in my room sleeping. This one time I
was at work, and I was working on a car, but then next thing I know it I was
making out with some guy in the back alley. And when I pushed him away he
looked at me confused and he called me by a name but I didn’t remember it I
just left and ran back to the garage. By the time I get to the job it was
closed and it was like my whole day was taken from me.” Mickey said and glanced
over at Collin who was looking down at the floor. Mickey had never told anyone
that, he didn’t even tell Mandy. He figured she thought he was crazy or just
over worked like she always said he was. That happened when him and Colt where
a year into their relationship.
“What about Colt? You said you were fighting with him and then you blackout.
What happened that you black out or can you tell me what he said or did to you
that caused you to blackout?”  Doctor pressed the subject, and Mickey just
looks away.
“I remember he was drunk and aggressive. Really fucking aggressive…… and I
can’t remember what happened next.” Mickey looks down at his hands on his lap.
He was ashamed that he couldn’t even remember if Colt forced himself on him or
if he stopped him. But he didn’t want to think of that right now.
Doctor Jimenez senses the tense and change in Mickeys’ mood; so she did the
best thing she knew how to do. What she did to all her clients; she let him
know it was alright and tried to change the subject, but stay on the subject of
his mental state as well.
“It’s okay Mickey… Here’s another question okay?  Have you ever been accused of
lying before but you were telling the truth? For examples someone saying you
did something or said something but you can’t recall or don’t remember doing or
saying anything of that sort?”
“yeah…..He was drunk. Colt, and uh he kept on saying shit that I did, that I
was out and it was all kind of a blurry to me.  He said I cheated on him and
that I was with some guy. There was this one time at work another time (Mickey
says and sits up straight now) that one of the workers said I was hitting on
him. Asked me when we were going to hook up again, but I don’t remember
anything and he called me a tease and then quit...Another time I ah, it was
Colt. We got into a fight about us going to his parent’s house. He said that I
said I wasn’t going, but then I asked him when did I say that to him because I
didn’t remember saying that. He said I was just fucking with him and for me to
cut the shit out. I’m telling you didn’t tell him I wouldn’t go. He went
without me but I wanted to go.” Mickey continued on telling the doctor about a
few times Mandy and Iggy said that he said something to them and Mickey
apologized because he didn’t remember getting into fights with them, or even
saying half the shit they said he said to them.
The doctor nods her head and is writing in her note book. She then looks up at
Mickey and asks him a few more questions. “You mention you get headaches; when
you do get these headaches how bad are they? And how do you feel when you start
to have them?”
“Sometimes I get them really bad… like really, really bad headaches, that’s
when I end up not like…shit sometimes I feel like…like I’m drifting away, or
slipping away. There was a few time I did hear a voice. Like it was mines, but
like telling me to say shit or do shit and talking to me; but I figured that
maybe it was me being I don’t know, trying to boost myself up. But then…”
Mickey trails off and he looks down to the ground. He doesn’t want to sound
like a crazy person, but he wants to know what is wrong with him.  But how can
he tell them what he saw a few times. Would they lock him up? Does he deserve
to be lock up?
“What is Mickey you can tell me? If you want I can ask Leah and Collin to
leave. Trust me I have heard it all, no matter what you tell me I am not going
to look at you any other way okay.” Doctor Jimenez says
“I….I-I…I saw myself in the mirror but it wasn’t me. Like…It was me, but it
didn’t look like me or sound like me. The guy I was looking at he looked like
different. His smile was like…I don’t know how to explain it. I wasn’t smiling
in the mirror but he was. He even motions for me to shhh and put his fingers to
his mouth to motion it. He waved at me a few times like he was taunting me. He
looked different and everything, I mean everything. I didn’t say anything
because I was freaked out and because I didn’t want to bother anyone with this.
I figured I can handle this on my own.” Mickey says with his eyes widen and
glassy and tries hard to blink back tears. This wasn’t him and he was afraid of
being locked up away in a nut house or even worse, he was afraid to find out
something was wrong with him.
“Mickey when you get your headaches or see this person in the mirror or any
reflection does he say anything to you. Or have you talked to him back?” The
Doctor says as she leans back against the chair and is taking down notes
“Once I did and I thought I was going crazy when he answered me back and then I
said shut up and he was gone.” Mickey told the doctor who nodded her head and
was now looking over something on the computer putting in information at the
same time. She looks over the computer at Mickey and smiled softly at him.
“What events happen that lead him to say something to you? And what did he say
if you can remember?” Doctor says looking at Mickey and lowering her laptop
screen down.
“Umm Colt…he uh. He got drunk one night. He was upset about work or some shit
and we got into it. He tried to hit me, but I block him, and shoved him away.
Then the voice said ‘Really? You’re gonna let him get away with that Mickey?
Guess I’m gonna have to take care of him.’ Then the next thing I remember Colt
was cursing at me, holding his bloody nose saying I was crazy. But I honestly
don’t remember hitting him, or anything. I remember getting a headache, and I
felt like I wanted to ripe my eyes out, because it hurt so much... Another time
I was watching a moving and all of sudden my head started to hurt. I can’t even
remember what the movie was about. The next thing I knew I was in bed and the
alarm was going off for me to get ready for my morning routine.” Mickey says to
the doctor
“Okay” was all she said as she continues to write and look threw her lap top
putting the information she gathered from Mickey. She then looks at Mickey and
asks him another question. “Mickey do you remember anything at all from your
childhood? Like from when you were 4 or 5 years and older?”
Mickey looks at her oddly and shakes his head no.
“So you can’t remember anything? Nothing that happened to you or even flashes
of things as a child?” the doctor asks. Something about the question left
Mickey uneased and he felt like she wanted to ask something but didn’t flat out
ask him. But there were some memories he did remember so he told her. After all
she was here trying to help me… right?
“Terry hitting me. I remember that, but I don’t remember much…. Actually
nothing really. Some piece of Terry being a dick and feeding me whenever he
wanted and me asking Mandy to cook for me something or Iggy…... I remember a
lot of that, but sometimes I would have bruises on my body, but Terry would
tell me I was just a clumpy kid and just beat me some more. But even then I
don’t remember the beatings so much. I just knew that I got some bruises from
him and would sometimes find myself in the bathroom crying without remembering
how I got there.” Mickey says, and then he was starting to get a slight
headache again. But this time the doctor notice.
“Mickey are you okay?” Dr. Jimenez asked him
“No, my head…it hurts a little. I guess I’m just tired.” Mickey responds back
to her
The doctor seemed unconvinced but nodded her head.  She was looking at all the
information in front of her. She was looking at the police files that were on
her computer, the information taken from Mickey and she knew Mickey wasn’t
giving her a lot of information because he didn’t trust her yet. But it was
enough for now.  The doctor notion for Leah and Collin to follow her to the
other room, which made Mickey become uneasy and uncomfortable.
While in the other room Mickey was sitting in the chair rubbing his head to
make the headache go away as Leah, Collin and Charlene talked.
“Okay so from my experience this mental disorder is rare in people, but from
the police files and the tapes I’ve seen that I got from them the Captain and
reading his old medical files and doing my own evaluations. Your brother most
likely has multiple personality disorder also known as D.I.D. Dissociative
Identity Disorder.” The doctor says just as Collin cut her off
“Wait what? D.I.D what is that exactly? Are you saying he’s like crazy or
something?” Collin says and is confused
“Hunny, no. Dissociative Identity disorder is a mental illness that
characterizes by the presence of at least two different alters. Some people
have been known to have more than two even up to 20 or more. It’s caused from
the different states of emotions and body function. His memory loss, and the
memory lapses, blackout, him being accused of lying sometimes, and other things
such as him feeling unlike himself. Everything he has described, even as a
child when he called himself another name all points to multiply personality
disorder. That is known as D.I.D. This usually occurs in children and adults
who have been through traumatic experiences.  In this case for Mickey, we know
what happened to him years ago, but his mind split into two people so he didn’t
have to face that. Meaning his mind somehow prevented him from experiencing
those feelings and physical abuse.” Leah told Collin as Charlene nodded her
head and then spoke
“Leah’s right Collin. The early childhood trauma such as what Mickey faced over
and over again, over the years that led to this possible disorder. He detached
himself from reality, meaning his alter took in what happened because he wasn’t
able to…Look, The only thing is, I can’t be so sure unless he has an episode
and his alter emerges. Which even then the alter can take control of Mickey and
we may or may not see him for a while. In this case like this. It can be hard.
Sometimes people lose up to 6 month or more of their memory, and before you
ask, yes this disorder is hard to diagnose to a certain extent. But unless I
try a method or a plan of action such as hypnosis, or a form of psychotherapy
to bring out the alter; that will be the only way we can know for sure... If
not and he is not suffering from this mental disorder, then he can be suffering
from another disorder which can be schizophrenia or Borderline personality
disorder.” Doctor Jimenez tells Collin and Leah
After a few moments of silence Doctor Jimenez spoke again.
“He needs to know what happened to him all those years ago. There is something
not on these tapes; tapes that he is hiding inside. If he is experiencing
D.I.D, then his alter is protecting him. But he’s also trying to gain control
if Mickey is losing gabs of time and not remembering at all.  Mickey doesn’t
know what happened to him as a child and you keeping him from that… well let’s
just say he’s not going to be happy. Plus integrating him with an alter will
take time. This just can’t go away with simply therapy and medication.” The
Doctor says to Collin and Leah
“So if we tell him then what? Why don’t we tell him so he can get better”
Collin says to them.
“Babe it’s not that easy.” Leah tells’ Collin.
“Leah is right. Telling Mickey right now can lead him to spiral down, and if
his alter knows this. There is no telling what will happen. We do have to tell
him, but he needs to be able to face what has happened to him. That might be
harder than anything. His alter can emerge and the Mickey you know can be lost.
The mind is a powerful tool, and Mickey mental state is fragile.  If we do this
we have to do it right and be as sensitive as possible and be very careful.”
Doctor Charlene says to Collin
Just as Collin, Leah and Doctor Charlene were talking Mickey was getting
headache and this time it was getting worse, but this time it was different.
“So Mickey…..hmmm you think you can keep me away. You are soooo out of your
fucking mind. Oh wait you are.”   Nick laughs and Mickey is looking at his
reflection in the mirror. Only this time his reflection looks nothing like him.
He had taken off the eyeliner, brushed his hair back and removed the earring
from his ear. He even changed his clothes.
“Who the fuck are you?” Mickey asked looking in the mirror at his reflection
“ Well since you asked so nicely, I guess I can tell you who I am and all….I’m
Nick.  You know the better part of you. The one who has fun, takes chances,
lives life like it’s our last! Shit I’m the most realest one of us, you…well
you honestly are just a waste of space to be honest.”  Nick says to Mickey.
“Fuck you! You don’t know me, get out of my head@” Mickey hisses back at Nick
and is touching his head because now his headache was getting worse.
“Yeah okay! I know all about you Mickey, and much, much more. And me and you
yeah….. Sorry no can do asshole. We are one of a kind Mick, me and you.  And
since you know I’m here, it’s about that time to have some fun again. What’d
you say? Huh? Let me out Mickey! Let the big boys handle this. You didn’t think
I didn’t know you were talking to a fucking doctor right. What you gonna try
and get rid of me? Fuck that shit! I’ve done too much for too long and taken
all your shit. It’s my turn to live and your turn to sleep.”Nick says to Mickey
with angry in his voice.
Just as Nick was talking to Mickey, Leah and Doctor Charlene saw Mickey’s whole
interaction. Dr. Charlene looks at Collin who nodded his head back at her.
 Mickey was rubbing his temple and trying so bad to wish the headache away,
that was when Leah came to him and asked him what was wrong. Mickey looks at
her frighten, but his brother knew he was trying to play it cool.
“I heard him again…I was talking to him.” Mickey says
“Talking to whom?” Collin asked
Mickey points to his head now and speaks at the same time “This voice in my
head, he’s fucking crazy! I started to get another headache and then I look in
the mirror and there he was just fucking talking to me like nothing.”
“What his name?”  The doctor asked
“He said his name was Nick, and that he knows all about me.” Mickey said
looking at her dead in her eyes trying to search to see if she knew anything
she could tell him to help him.
“ You asshole you told them about me? Oh yeah, you are sooo fucking getting it
now ” Nick says to Mickey who was now grabbing his head in pain yelling for
Nick to go away.
“Mickey look at me tell me what wrong?” Doctor Jimenez asked
“My head it hurts again and it’s getting worse” He tells her while he’s
grabbing his head
“Okay how about we take a break alight?  Also I’m just going to take your
temperature and heart rate and check your eyes okay, regular thing I have to
do.” The doctor tells Mickey
Mickey nods his head in response. The doctor first takes the light in her pen
and shines it in Mickey’s eyes, and then it gets black. Doctor Jimenez steps
away from Mickey and goes over to her notes and writes something down. Mickey
looks up at the mirror and waves hello, and laughs as the other image was
yelling at him. He walks towards the table and takes the earring from the table
and put it on. He went over to the mirror and takes the eyeliner in his hand
and started to do his eyes like Nick always did.  See it looks like Mickey at
first, but this time it wasn’t. He tried to fix his hair the way he likes it,
but it wasn’t coming out right. As he turned around he saw his audience and
smiles at them.
He began to sit down at the seat they were at and waited patiently, which
something Nick did not do. His change in his demeanor did not go unnoticed.
 Doctor Jimenez went to Mickey and starts to examine him once more.
He nods in amusements and titles his head at her. Doctor Jimenez goes and
checks on Mickey again. She then notices his eyes were dilated and slightly
bluer than before. She then asked him to do something that not even Leah
understood why.
“Can you write your name for me please? I need to make sure your motor skills
are okay, so that I can rule that out, and I’m going to set up this IQ test as
well. Being that your experience a mental break down I need to make sure your
mind is not too far off okay?” The doctor looks at Mickey for a response or any
form of emotional action.
“ Okay ” Is all he says and picks up the pen with his left hand and starts to
write.
He takes about less than 15 minutes on the test and it does not go unnoticed
that he’s using his left hand to write. Leah looks at Collin and raises her
eyebrows to him, Collin hadn’t seems to notice until Mickey was playing with
the pen and writing on a piece of paper after he’s done with the test. The
thing is that Mickey isn’t a lefty, he’s a righty. He wrote with his right, and
threw a mean hook with his right hand too.
Doctor Jimenez took the test from Mickey and looks it over. She asked Leah to
recheck the answer to make sure she was not looking at the results wrong. See
Mickey’s IQ score she took before evaluating him was 116, but now looking at
these results; his IQ score changed from 116 to 149. Doctor Jimenez looks over
at Mickey and he smiles at her. She wasn’t stupid and knew something was
different about this Mickey.
“Okay… (She nods her head looking at the test score) so, your score is
incredible.  Did you know that?” The Dr. Jimenez said more to Mickey then
asking him
“Nah don’t care really .” Nick says
“Yes I can tell. So tell me…..” she waits then continues to ask Mickey “What is
your name?” Doctor Jimenez says
He smirked at her and then chuckled lightly. “ Well seeing as I past your test
you should know what my name is…don’t cha Doc. I did after all put it on the
test .” Nick says to the doctor. He’s glaring at her now but still has a smirk
on his face. He’s focused on her; the one person that most likely is
threatening his life in so many forms.
“Nick” Dr. Jimenez says
“ Hmmm Oh NO I’m Mickey. See ” He said as he pointed to a smile on his face
that then fell down and turns into a smug look.
“So why? Where is Mickey?” The Dr. Jimenez says to Nick
“ He’s gone, vanished, vamoose, disappeared ” Nick says while making hand
movements and continues on “ see he wasn’t supposed to tell no one about me,
but then he decided to be a bitch and talk shit! And yah know? We had a good
thing going. Till you came in with all your questions and shit.”  Nick snaps at
Doctor Jimenez not paying attention to Leah or Collin.
“Well it seems like we have a problem, because you know you’re not real? Your
part of Mickey, not your own person; you two are one just different for many
reason.” Doctor Jimenez says carefully to Nick
“No, see this is where you are wrong bitch. I’m real; see I’m talkin to yah
right, sittin here right ?” Nick tells her
“You’re an alter made up, Nick” She tells him
Nick laughs “ And you’re a slut, whose marriage went to shit because you either
couldn’t keep on your pants or your husband couldn’t keep it in his pants.”
The doctor is shocked by Nick’s words and then he continues to talk. “ Aww did
I hurt your feelings? I don’t give a fuck. And I bet you're wondering how I
know… Easy your ring finger is tanned which means you either divorced him or he
divorced you.”
“No actually he passed away” She expresses to him.
“ Well shit! Looks like he’s got the good end of the fucking deal, being
married to you.”  Nick says to her with no shame or care for the doctors’
feelings.
“That won’t work on me Nick. Now just please tell us Why did Mickey create
you?” Dr. Jimenez asked Nick
“ Well that’s for me to know and you not to fucking find out ain’t it .” Nick
says to them all in the room
“We know about Mickey being a victim of child abuse, both physical and sexual.
As soon as I confirmed you’re an alter I will be able to help Mickey.”  Dr.
Jimenez now says.
“ Ooooh! See you know what Doc. That’s the problem. You don’t know everything.
You dumb fucks might know about what went down, but then again you have to ask
yourself this one little question….Where you even there? Better yet do you
think it was all recorded?  I’m not stupid, I know what you need, and none of
you dumb fucks will get it!  And you will be amazed at what the fuck I know
happened to us. So I suggest you can go fuck yourself.  Your help is invalid
and you threatening me ain’t gonna work bitch .” Nick was pissed. “ What!? You
think, tellin Mickey would be like uh, eye open or some shit? I mean you kept
it from him all those years ago right.”  Nick says looking at Collin now.
“ What do you think he will do or even think? Huh! Plus how are you so sure I’m
not the real person here and he’s the alter.  See I can make Mickey disappear
and watch me because he will be buried so far, so deep, that you will never
ever fucking see him or hear him again!”  Nick yells at Collin
Apart of Collin heart sank down and he was now upset. The Milkovich siblings
were known for many things, but if you threaten one of their own it was hell to
pay. Nick was Mickey and he was a Milkovich, but Collin was not having any of
that. So Collin did what he was good at as well. He fought back.
Collin landed a punch to Mickey/Nick face and the boys were wrestling on the
floor as both woman yelled at them. Collin swung another right hook at Nick and
Nick dodge the hit leaving Collin open. So Nick took advantage and kneed Collin
in the stomach and again in the balls. Collin went down, but not before he
dragged his brother down. In the mist of all the fighting, Collin was yelling
at Nick about how he would kill him if he buried Mickey away. And Nick was just
laughing in response to the outburst of yells.
The thing about being married to a doctor is that Leah knew how to stop them
from killing each other. So she simply walked over to both men and went towards
where Nick was at and applied a full force pressure point on his forearm/
crevice from behind him.  This was a tricky one, but Leah of all people knew
how to apply it. Suddenly Nick arm tensed up and he was in pain. It was one
hell of a pressure point and then she pushed Collin off of Nick so that he
could stop assaulting his brother.
“What the fuck Collin? You aren’t supposed to hit him! We’re supposed to talk,
you asshole.” Leah yells at her husband, she was pissed off about the fighting
as well.
Collin grunted in his response and looked down at his brother who was just
smiling and laughing at him. This guy was not his brother, this was not Mickey.
He needed to remember that.
“Mickey” Leah said but more like asked while looking at Mickey.
“ That’s not my fuckin name stop call me that!”  Nick hisses out as he stood up
looking at the other two people in the room.
“Nick, I need you to sit down, we just need to talk.” Doctor Jimenez says
“ Like fucking hell I’m talking! I’m outta here bitch.”  Just then as Nick made
his way towards the door Doctor Jimenez spoke fast.
“On the count of 3 Mickey I need you wake Up 1,2,3!” and she snapped her
fingers as she said this.  That was when Mickey stopped in his tracks blinking
a few times and turns around to face his brother, sister in law and his new
doctor per say.
“Mickey are you okay?” Dr. Jimenez asked him
“Yeah I think so.” Mickey says confusingly.
“Do you remember what just happened just now Mickey? Any of it” Dr. Jimenez
asked
“Yeah…but not much. It was like I was looking at a TV show but I couldn’t do
anything. Like, I was seeing myself from the inside out.” Mickey said trying to
register what happened. He’s trying to think over and over again about the
events that were replaying in his head.
“Do you remember anything of what Nick said” Dr. Jimenez asked
“Some of it… not all…it’s like I was seeing him talking but some of it wasn’t
registering in my head. I kept yelling for him to stop when he was fighting
Collin and I was yelling for him to stop talking. Nothing worked.”  Mickey says
his voice was low and he was scared you can tell, but he didn’t show it much.
“I don’t even remember how the fight between him and Collin started.”
“What did you do to him?” Collin asked
“Hypnosis.” Dr. Jimenez simply says at first then continues on speaking “When I
went to check his vitals I put him under to see if I can bring out his alter,
if he had one. And well now I know he does have one. And this one packs a mean
punch.” Dr. Jimenez said
Just as Collin was about to ask another question Mickey cut him off. “So what
is wrong with me? What the fuck is an alter and why do I have it?” Mickey
looking at everyone all at once moving from Collin to Leah, to Charlene to
Collin again frantically in order to try and process what was going on.
“Mickey…I think. No, more like I know why the reasons you’re experiencing your
headaches, and blackout and random hallucination or delusions and memory loss.
It’s because you have Multiple Personality Disorder, also known as D.I.D,
Dissociative Identity Disorder.” Dr. Jimenez says to him
Mickey is looking at her like she has 3 fucking heads and his speechless. ‘I
can’t be a crazy person’ he thinks to himself. ‘I’m not crazy! I can’t
be…right?’ It takes him a minute to come up with the right words as he is still
processing what was told to him and what he experienced. He repeats the words
over and over again in his head ‘Dissociative identity disorder, dissociative
Identity disorder, dissociative identity disorder.’  God was he fucked.
“So…you’re saying I’m like some kind of… I don’t know mental case head?!”
Mickey says shocked and alert more than he was.
“No Mickey that’s not what we’re saying, it’s just you have a mental disorder
which can be treated over time. I can treat you with psychotherapy, hypnosis if
you like and there are medications but that will come later if you need it.”
Dr. Jimenez expresses clearly to him, for him to understand.
“Okay so what is this Dissociative disorder type shit? You think I have it
because I have a what an alter? Why would have one?” Mickey asked looking at
the doctor dead in her eyes waiting for an explanation of some sort.
“Mickey Dissociative Identity disorder occurs in individuals that we know of
who have experienced a traumatic effect in his or her life. Dissociative
identity disorder involves sufferer experiencing at that when a person
experience two or more personality states just like you experience a few
moments ago. You guys are two different, distinctly different people.  Your
blood pressure and heart rate was different when I exam you the first time. And
then when I did the exam again when you were Nick, his blood pressure was
slightly up and different. Nick appears to be left handed, you’re right handed.
His IQ score was on a massive scale and yours was as well, but nowhere near
his. How D.I.D happens can be caused from a few things. Most people with this
disorder experience it because of a stressful event that occurs from an action
or an event that is happening. It causes your alter to come out. Individuals
such as yourself stress your mind and it splits. This sometimes will occur when
a person is terribly abused as a young child or an adult. This happens from
tremendous trauma within a person's’ history.” Dr, Jimenez says to Mickey who
looks more confused now than he did before.
When Mickey didn’t speak or say anything, Dr. Jimenez decided to continue on
talking and explaining the best way she could to Mickey. She had to be very
careful at how she word what she was saying. Mickey knew nothing of his past.
One slip up can have a very bad effect on his mind “Your memories are the key
here Mickey. Even though there has been no proven specific cause of D.I.D, the
theory about how this condition develops is from childhood trauma which we keep
coming back to. That's why I asked you about your childhood earlier before I
put you under.  The traumatic experience you had as a child can be anywhere
from Collin leaving to go to school, or your father hitting you. Something your
brother or sister did or said to you. But the abuse of both physical and mental
in some cases, are the more likely causes for his disorder.” Dr. Jimenez
informs Mickey
“What do you mean by abuses? I mean there’s a lot of different form of abuse,
but I don’t remember any of that okay. I don’t even know what my childhood was
before Collin came and got us.” Mickey says to Dr. Jimenez
“By abuse I mean physical, mental or even sexual assault are such things like
that Mickey. Things you might not remember now. The person who did this to you
can very well be a cause for your split personality. Even seeing them or
hearing their name, can cause you to become Nick. We have to find out why Nick
appeared and why you created him.” Dr. Jimenez expresses to Mickey
“Okay so how do we find out why Nick is in here?” Mickey motion to his head
“Integration is how, but it’s not that simple. Your alter; he’s strong and he
protects you, but also wants to be free as well. I know it sounds weird as fuck
but it’s the only way I can put into term that you may understand best. Also
when you integrate you will be one not two. So some things he does you will do,
you will know, you will know his memories his feelings and everything.” The
doctor told Mickey but also was informing Collin and Leah as well.
“I just want my life back.” Mickey expresses not caring anymore. He wanted to
be who he was or at least who he thought he was.
“Mickey it takes time and even then you have to know why and what was your
reason for creating Nick. You have to be patient with that. From the way I view
it, Nick is more like the person who protects you. You must have created him
for a reason you’re not able to face yet. Plus you’re somewhat of a danger to
others, not yourself but clearly when you are Nick he want nothing to do with
your family and is violent from what I saw.”  Dr. Jimenez says
Mickey head was spinning and he was becoming nauseas. He was remembering things
he didn’t do. Things Nick did.
“You want to put me in some sort of psych ward don’t you?” Mickey asked
“No Mickey. I want to take you to the hospital and help you. I have clearance
here and so does Leah, so you will have family here.”  Dr. Jimenez tells
Mickey, but all he could think about was being locked up and against his will.
All this was so unreal. It’s like this couldn’t be happening to him. He was
wishing someone would wake him up from a bad dream. All this information was
hard to processes
“How does this work? Do I like volunteer to go in to the hospital or what?”
Mickey asked.
“Yeah, we need you to sign some papers so you can admit yourself.” Dr. Jimenez
said to Mickey as well as directed her response to Collin.
“For how long?” Mickey asked  
“How long what? How long you’ll be in there.” The Dr. Jimenez says looking at
Mickey waiting for a response
“Yeah” Mickey simply said
“Honestly Mickey it’s up to you. It’s up to you how fast we start treatment and
what we do.  Your mind like everyone else; is fragile and taking on too much
information all at once can result in a negative effect.” Dr. Jimenez says
“I don’t want Iggy or Mandy to know…. I can’t have them know this, not yet, not
till I’m okay.  And don’t tell Colt, I don’t want him to know either. This
stays between us, no one knows. If I have to be in there for a while I don’t
want no one to know and I want to tell them when the time is right.” Mickey
said and he looks at Collin who nods his head in agreement.
After the conversation took place; Mickey, Collin, Leah and Dr. Jimenez drove
to Mercy Medical Hospital. The drive was quiet and Mickey was thankful for it.
When he got to the desk and all the paperwork was filed up he signed his name
for voluntary check in, into the mental health facility.  He looked back at his
brother who came up to him and hugged him and told him he was sorry. Mickey
looked so lost but he held his brother tightly. He walked in the back room with
Dr. Jimenez who reassured him that everything would be okay.  The walk to his
new room seemed like forever, it was a classic room 4 wall room, not white but
an off egg white color. A bed which he was thankful for and he was by himself;
there was a desk at the corner of the room with a notebook on top of it. There
was a TV on the wall to his left of his room.  There was a dresser next across
from his bed, with a big mirror. The room was big size it had an extra bean bag
chair, the window to the room were big but locked, for obvious reasons of
course.
So this was Mickey life for how long it would take him to get better. The only
thing was; was that Nick had other plans. He just needed to wait until Mickey
would slip. Yet Mickey had no idea.
*********************************************************************************
Four days had passed since Mickey had checked himself in. He was having his
therapy sessions with Dr. Jimenez, and sometimes he would stay quiet to himself
until later on within the day.  Dr. Jimenez would come around again to try
another session with Mickey.  Mickey was distant; over the three days he was
there he was remembering things he himself never did. He was remembering things
of what Nick did. He wasn’t remembering everything, just things that he assumed
Nick let him remember. Like the random hookups he had with guys, or the drugs
he took while he was Nick or Nick was him…it was still too confusing. He
remembers Nick would have sex for money and how he would go behind the back
alley in boys town with random guys for a fuck. He hated these images, these
memories because as much as Mickey wanted to hate Nick he envied him more. Here
was this guy, who was out doing what he wanted, being carefree, having no
responsibilities and all because Mickey created him. What the actual fuck? This
guy had no shames, had no remorse. Mickey doubted he could even feel love,
sadness, pain, or any other emotions. Nick wasn’t real, but Nick was apart of
Mickey and he hated that.
A few times Nick tried to talk to him telling him how he ruined everything and
how he couldn’t handle real shit as he said. Ever since Mickey had checked
himself into the hospital, every night he was given sleeping pills to go to
sleep. It was hard for him to sleep and Nick being one who might emerge when he
was sleeping was something Mickey didn’t want. Except this night would be
different.
“Here you go Mickey” the nurse says as she past Mickey his pills and waited for
him to take them.  
“Thanks” Was all Mickey said as he took the pills and drank the water from the
cup.
The Nurse was making her way out when Mickey told her to remember to lock the
door. She smiled and nodded her head. Mickey had become paranoid. His first
Night in the room Nick was upset and Mickey kept getting headaches over and
over again. But Mickey refused to let Nick over power him. As the nurse left
Mickey laid in his bed looking up at the sealing and tried to drift off to
sleep.
“Miiiiickey… Oh Miiiickey….. Come on don’t ignore me, I hate it when you do
that.”  Nick says and Mickey got up from his bed and looks at the mirror across
from him. There was Nick smiling at him and laughing at him. He was taunting
Mickey just like the night before.   
“Oh my god this can’t be happening?” Mickey says tiredly
“ Hey! Mick! This is dream stupid…Here’s what we gonna do. Ima tell you what I
want and you’re gonna do them.”  Nick says to Mickey smiling
“No! This is my body not yours okay. You need me just as much as I need me
okay. I won’t let you hurt the people I love. And you’re going to do what I say
you got that” Mickey says to Nick
“ The people you love? Ha! Yeah okay. Plus how are you gonna make me do
whatever you say. I mean shit you haven’t been able to since, oh well I don’t
know? Hmmmm FOREVER! Give me a fuckin break.”  Nick spat at Mickey
“That’s why I’m going to get control back! And why I lock myself up, so that
you can’t do anything to anyone else. I mean come the fuck on. You were
sleeping with random guys and fucking everything in sight! Doing whatever drugs
you wanted, you fucking poised my body.  You can’t do that anymore to me!”
“ Please.  Who the flyin fuck do you think you are? Without me Mick, you
wouldn’t be able to survive and you know it .” Nick takes a step closer to
Mickey in his dreams and eyes him ready for a fight and continues on speaking
 “ I will bury you so deep that no one, not even your precious brothers and
sister will be able to get you back!  I mean really what are you gonna do huh?
Try and keep me locked up! Nah, not happenin! Even if you check yourself into
this shitty ass psych ward, with your shitty ass doctor friend lady, who by the
way can suck my dick, what makes you think I can’t get past that?” Nick says to
Mickey smiling and tilting his head to the side.
“Look you’re not going to hurt no one again you got that? Not me, not Collin,
not Iggy, or Mandy. I remember what you told her, what you said to her. How the
fuck could you do that to her!” Mickey says to Nick with an upset tone. Mandy
was his older sister but she was his rock and to hurt her was like War world 3
for Mickey. Last guy that even hurt Mandy, let just say he doesn’t live in
Chicago anymore.
“ What?  Mandy? Please. I barely did anything to her. If I wanted to, she would
hurt way more than you can imagine. So what, I said something to her that hurt
her; who gives a fuck. Shit she wouldn’t even want to look at us when I’m done
with her. Collin can go fuck himself and I can give two fucks what happens to
him. He’s nothing but a worthless piece of shit, all he knows how to do is
leave! He always has Mick.  Iggy… well Iggy just stays quiet, never saying a
word and that’s his fucking problem! So if I want to fuck with them to get them
out of our lives then so be it. There nothing, but a waste of space of air. And
Colt? Please that asshole had it coming and you know it! He almost forced
himself on you and guess who you called? Huh! ME! That’s right. Me, you can’t
handle the truth Mick !” Nick spat back out to Mickey
“Why… why are you doing this?” Mickey says to Nick dejectedly
“ Because it’s fun and I like to have fun .” Nick says
“It’s fun!” Mickey nearly yells out at Nick “Are you fucking kidding me, it’s
fun! It’s fun to go and attack the people I care about and, and, and that guy
out there! The guy who you’ve been sleeping with! You’re making him fall for
you and how the fuck is that right? Huh tell me! What the fuck is wrong with
you and don’t think I don’t about that guy, because I do. I see him in my
dreams sometimes and I remember things about him. How the fuck is that right?
Huh! Tell me!” Mickey screams at Nick but Nick seems unfazed by his screaming.
Nick sucks his teeth and shakes his head smiling at Mickey. “ Look I’m just
trying to protect you handsome. And Ian he might be the real deal, who knows .”
“Bullshit! I feel it okay. When you look at him I’m remembering bits and pieces
and when he’s near you. It was weird when you were in control, but I remember
you get flusters and you feel as if your heart is going to stop. I know that
feeling so stop lying.” Mickey says to Nick with venom in his voice.
“ If you say so Champ. If you say so.”  Nick says and turns to look in the
mirror now. When he sees Mickey looking at him he continues “ What?”
“Why did I create you? Huh-why? What was so bad about my past that I can’t
remember? What is so terrible in my life that I had to create you? Because
right now I can’t figure this shit the fuck out. SO TELL ME DAMN!” Mickey more
annoyed and angry as he shouts at his alter for answer now. But Nick seems to
be more and more amused by Mickeys’ outburst and can’t help but laugh at the
other man in front on him.
“So you wanna know why I’m here huh?”  Nick says as he’s sitting on the dresser
talking to Mickey now and laughing, because well this is fucking hilarious to
him. “ You wanna know what deep…dark…secret from your past brought me out, well
more like to life because you were too pussy to handle it?”  Nick says as he is
taunting Mickey and Mickey as falling for his trap.
“YES! Jesus just tell me” Mickey says to Nick now in a desperate voice.
Nick turns around as he hums to himself “ Hmmmm…… I forgot ” he says as he
smirks looking the opposite way of Mickey.
“No you didn’t you asshole, you’re just trying to play with my fucking head.
Well it’s not going to work. Tell me why. Why the fuck did I create you in the
first place huh?” Mickey damns Nick to tell him and he wanted to know right
then and there.
Nick laughs and turns to Mickey “ Yes, well what can I say? I’m having so much
fun.”
“Well you know what maybe I’m stronger than you think Nick. I know what I can
handle okay. So just tell me. I can handle it, I don’t need you!” Mickey
insisted
“ Yeah, no. See if I tell you, you’re definitely going to fall apart and little
old me”  He point to himself “ will have no choice but to pick up the piece
again like I always do.…hmmm...then again I should let you know. Seeing as I
can be out and you can be back in your little black hole where you love to be
sooooo fuckin much when shit gets tough…. Because that’s you Mickey! Always has
been, always fuckin will be.”  Nick then walks to Mickey and continues to talk
carelessly to him “ You see that’s why your brothers and sister never told you.
You’re too fragile to handle the truth. You’re broken and me! Well I’m the one
who cleans up your messes and deals with all your shit.”
Nick continues to walk over to Mickey who is then corner near his bed. Nick
takes the pillow and covers Mickey with it. They fought for power and struggle.
All of a sudden Mickey got up. He was sweaty and drenched. That was so real and
too real for him. But then again this time he wasn’t the one making all his
movement. This time it was Nick. He gets up from the bed, walks over the
dresser and takes out some clothes and looks at the mirror and smiles at
Mickey.
“See... I told you I always win Mick.” Nick says
“No! Fuck! Let me out Nick!  You can’t fucking do this to me! LET ME THE FUCK
OUT NOW!” Mickey yells out but then again no one could hear him, even if he
tried. Nick was in control this time and not Mickey.
                                                                                                                       
Nick went to the desk that was in the room and took out the paper clips that
were inside of the desk. He went straight to the door. These locks sucked no
sense of security, what a trip. He unlocked the door fast and made his way out
the room carefully making sure that no one saw him. He looks to see where the
guards in the hospital were and no one was around. Nick walks over to the staff
room and peeks inside to see if anyone was in there. Not one person in site. He
heard a few people walking towards where he was at, and quickly made his way to
the staff locker room. There he locks the door from inside; he saw the fire
extinguisher and picked it up. He used the fire extinguisher on some of the
locks in the locker to break into them. He did that to a few lockers until he
found one that had men’s clothes in side of them.
Nick quickly removed the hospital patient clothes he had on, and put on the
clothes he found. He takes a few other items from the lockers; such as a pair
of keys to what looked like a car maybe and some wallets that had money in
them. He throws everything on the floor and made his way out the room. Nick was
able to cut his hospital bracelet off with the pocket knife he found in one of
the lockers. He makes his way out by the doors and realized he needs a card to
scan his way out.  He saw the cleaning lady and made his way over to her.
“Hi!” Nick says to the lady “I’m a new doctor here, my name is Charlie and I
forgot my card key in my car. Do you think you can let me out?” Nick says
politely to the old woman.
She smiles at him and grabbed her card and scanned it so he made his way out
the door. He waves to her bye and she waved back and he was gone.
Being a person with a mental disorder can have many effects on said person
mind. But Nick was determined to make sure no one stood in his way. He left the
hospital and headed to the only place he knew where to go to when he needed to
think. He needed a plan; he needed to think of what to do, without anyone
finding him right now at this moment. He had to figure shit out and then get
back to Ian. Almost a week and some change, and Ian probably thought he ran
off, which he didn’t in a way. Fuck Mickeys’ stupid ass for being able to come
out. Nick could feel Mickey even now trying to fight to come back out and take
control. Nick was trying his hardest to not let that happen.
“Nick! Turn around Nick” Mickey says to him.
Nick looks up review mirror and rolls his eyes “ No!”  shouts Nick
“What the fuck you can’t do this…this is my life” Mickey practically yells at
Nick.
“ Well no! This is our life, you can’t just have it all Mick! We are a pair me
and you. You, my other mental fuck head, can’t always have it your way. SO stop
being so selfish and let daddy come out and play for a little while okay?  You
can just sleep ight, no harm done .” Nick says in amusement to Mickey
“You’re fucking insane you know that” Mickey says
“ Nooooo, you are. You’re the one who put us in a psych ward for no reason and
didn’t even discuss it with me!   How rude are you for that! ” Nick says and
smiles looking at Mickey
“This is my body, my life not your Nick” Mickey yells at Nick who was still
seeing him through the front view mirror.
“ On the contrary baby! This is our life, not just yours. Sorry to break it to
you.”  Nick says and pulls over the car and walks out into the park
Nick was now aimlessly walking around inside the park thinking of different
things he can explain to Ian why he was gone for so long. He was also trying to
think of ways to get the fuck away from Mickey’s brothers and sister. He needed
a plan. His head started to hurt and this was not good. The struggle for power
between these guys was becoming hard.
Mickey looks up and around his surrounding area. He managed to take back
control and right now he needed to get back to the hospital. Nick was stronger
than him, but he couldn’t let him know that. However Nick had other plans and
refused. Getting into Mickeys’ head was always easy for him so he did what he
does best.
“Now, Now Mick, you should know better by now that this is not going to end
well. LET ME OUT NOW!”  Nick demands
Mickey says nothing to Nick. He simply tries to just rub his head from the pain
this headache Nick was causing .
“Silent treatment… really Mickey…hmm okay you wannna play that game……
Miiiiccckkkeeeey come on... Let’s play a game okay. How about we play truth and
dare…. You want to play?”  Nick says to Mickey, but Mickey is giving no attempt
to response to Nick he just grunted at him, so Nick went with another method.
“Miiiickeeeeeeyyyy. I know all of our secrets and you don’t know any of
them…Ha.ha.ha-ha, ha….. Miiiiickeeeeey I know what happened to us all those
years ago! And you don’t know a thiiiing .” Nick sang to Mickey who was holding
his head now in pain wishing Nick to go away.
And with that; Mickey finally breaking his silence, he wanted so bad to know
what happened to him when he was a child. “What happen to me!? Tell me God
Dammit!”
“That’s what I would like to know?” Ian says standing there in front of Mickey
who looks up at him confused.
“What the fuck?”
***** The Struggle *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter was also edit. Please enjoy
     Here's another chapter as promise. Its not as long but I am writing
     the next chapter. I hope you guys like it. Also I'm not the best at
     smut writing I do try. so please dont hate that part if is it not
     good. IN addition I love all of your comments and kudos it does
     brighten my day. I love to hear feed back. Hope you all enjoy this
     chapter. Let me know what you think.
It had been nearly one week and a half of not seeing Nick, and Ian was mixed
with emotions. Everything from being pissed off, to feelings annoyed, to
feeling betrayed, to worry about Nick and wondering if he was okay or if
something had happened to him. Ian even thought that Nick left him. Ian was
feeling so many emotions all at once and didn’t know what to do.  So he took it
day by day. When he got home that day from the last time seeing Nick, he went
to search the house and nothing. He couldn’t find him no-where, his things were
still there in the house, but there was no sight of him coming back to the
house at all. Ian didn’t know what to think. How could his boyfriend, who just
said he was falling for him, just leave him like that like nothing? Even after
Ian told him he loved him.  Ian wondered if maybe he scared off Nick but how
could he? What the fuck!
Wow! Love does suck, it hurts even. Ian didn’t let it go of course. He called
all the places Nick might have gone to, he went to the club to see if he was
working or if anyone had seen him. No one had seen or heard from Nick. That’s
what made Ian worry even more, and Ian told the bartenders and bouncer at the
club to call him if they saw Nick at all. It was annoying as hell, Ian even
called some of the clubs him and Nick went to out in New York, being that Nick
was known to be somewhat of a party boy out there, but nothing. Ian called his
phone every day, and still nothing. It went to voicemail after a few rings and
then it went to voicemail immediately after the second day.
Did Nick just up and leave him? Why? Why would he do that? Ian thought to
himself, more and more.  None of this made sense to Ian and to be honest he was
hurt... Hurt that the man he loves so much disappeared on him. Ian didn’t know
if Nick was okay or if he got hurt, but it was still weird. Out of sight just
nothing. Ian couldn’t have contacted his family because well he only heard of
them when Nick talked so little about them.  Plus that was rare and when Nick
spoke about them, he didn’t really like them at all. Ian never asked Nick why
he didn’t like his family, like what was the reason behind it all. He would
just listen and hold Nick close when he knew the shorter man got upset.
 Another thing was that even if Ian wanted to contact Nicks’ family, Nick never
elaborated or informed Ian about them. Like where they lived or anything.
 Shit, Ian didn’t even know where Nick lived and Nick just ended up living with
him.  It was like he left and disappeared into thin air. It hurt Ian and he
didn’t know what to do, but for some reason he just continued to look for Nick,
while continuing on his daily routine.  Being new to the academy he couldn’t
have just asked for time off, that’s not how things worked at all.
Going to work, and then coming home, making calls to see if anyone saw Nick was
tiring but Ian wanted to find his boyfriend. He wasn’t desperate, or anything,
he wanted answers and he deserve to have them.  Debbie even went ahead and
helped him. She checked the hospitals and even some of the precincts to see if
he got picked up for anything. But something told Ian, that he knew and felt
that if Nick wanted to be found then he would be found, it’s just if and when.
It made no sense to Ian whatsoever, which pissed Ian off even more.
He was mad and had every fucking right to be at his boyfriend or not boyfriend
now. Whatever the fuck they were right now Ian didn’t know. You just don’t
leave someone like that, with any fucking explanation right.
It was then that for some reason, Ian decided to go to the park that he and
Nick use to go to all the time when one of them were frustrated or upset at
each other. They always found each other there for some reason.  It was like it
was there place you know; to like think and figure shit out and also talk to
each other about what was wrong or just anything really. It was weird but for
some reason Ian had a feeling to go there, so he did.
What he didn’t expect was to see his boyfriend there talking to himself like he
was talking to someone else. It was weird, but Ian didn’t care. What he felt at
that moment seeing Nick right there near the gate at the other side of the
benches he was sitting at was angry, happiness, joy, and rage. Who the fuck did
Nick think he was just leaving, and not saying anything to Ian and just
disappearing like that. And now he’s here right now. WHAT THE FUCK? Did he not
give a fuck about Ian? Was it a lie? Was all of it a lie? Ians mind was going
everywhere, thinking of everything. Fuck that! Ian was going to get to the
bottom of this right now right then and there.
So as he approaches Nick, he overhears him talking. “What happen to me!? Tell
me God Dammit!” So that was when Ian decided to reply to Nick.
“That’s what I would like to know?” Ian says and then Mickey looks up at him
confused “You left me! Where did you go?” Ian hisses at Nick. Nick was just
looking at him confused not saying anything. So Ian pushes him to say something
at least “Come on answer me what’s wrong Nick?!” Ian says almost practically
yelling to his Nick who is just looking at him like he was crazy.
“I can handle this, let me out now!”  Nick says with so much heat behind the
voice that Mickey head starts to hurt again and he’s in more pain than ever
before. So much that he’s now grabbing his hair in pain hoping that it would
stop.
“NO! Stop!” Mickey shouts to himself
“No what?” Ian says confused looking at his boyfriend for the first time since
he left.
“You see you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing?! You ruin everything
Mickey! You’re way out of your fucking league now let me out! Now!”  Nick
shouts to Mickey, but Mickey was trying hard to hold on.
Mickey looks around and is confused “I have to talk to my brother; I have to
talk to him now.”
“You’re brother? What? Wait Nick you don’t talk to your siblings at least
that’s what you said to me.” Ian says now
“You see what you’re doing.  You fucking prick! Let me out I can handle this
guy. Now let go. Jesus fucking Christ Mickey. Let me out now god damn it!
You’re so fucking selfish you son of bitch! ” Nick yells at Mickey in his head
over and over again. Mickey felt like he was going to break.
Ian now looks at his boyfriend differently, there was something off about Nick
he couldn’t seems to put his finger on. So he cautiously says to him “Baby…you
okay? What’s wrong?”
“NO!  I AM NOT OKAY” Mickey yells out and is in pain and at the break of tears.
“Alright……. alight Okay.” Ian says to him slowly and calmly. He has no idea
what is going on, but right now he needs his boyfriend to calm down.
“No I’m sorry.” Mickey says as he starts to move slowly. “I have to leave. I
have to go, I have to find Collin, or Leah shit maybe Mandy I don’t know I have
to go right now” Mickey says in a rush.
Ian is confused and tries to grab Nick at the same time as he speak. “Wait Nick
come here…..Look trust me okay. Are you…are in some kind of trouble? Or
involved in something?  Is that why you’re freaking the fuck out on me?” Ian
says with so much concern and worry in his voice now.
“My name is not Nick…. It’s Mickey.” Mickey says to the redhead in front of
him.
Ian looks at Nick and tilted his head and has a confused look on his face. But
then he burst out in a fit of angry that slowly is crippling out of him.
“What?.... You’re not Nick…okay yeah sure…” He laughs slightly then continues.
“That’s fucking great.  You look like Nick, my Nick mind you okay, you sound
like My Nick! Shit I bet you even feel like Nick as well.” Ian says and he
pokes Nick in the arm.
“ Come on you fuckin piece of shit. Let me the fuck out. Cut the fuckin Shit
Mickey I got this, I can handle it okay.”  Nick says to Mick
Mickey is holding his head in pain, and looks to Ian. “I’m not him okay. I’m
not fucking Nick!” Mickey says again.
“Well then I guess I’m a fucking crazy asshole right. I’ve been trying to tell
myself that you didn’t just run out on me. Oh No, that you just left to your
place for a few days, with no phone call or message... Shit the last time we
were together I remember telling you specifically I was going to be right back.
But fuck no that just fucking great right. Make me look like a complete fucking
idiot!” Ian says and then he continues when Nick isn’t saying anything but
looking at him weird now.
“I was fucking worried about you Nick.” Now Ian’s yelling at this point “Okay!
I was fucking fallen in love with you and everything Nick, what the actual
fuck!” Ian yells out and was beyond pissed now. He had fallen in love with Nick
and now Nick was playing mind games. No fucking way.
“ Let me out NOW! Oh so help me GOD when I get out I will take away everyone
you ever fucking care about Mickey!”  Nick says to Mickey
“You know what I guess this was a huge fucking Mistake. Shit Oh My GOOOOD.  Me
and you. Fuck!” Ian goes to walk away then all of sudden Mickey turns to him
and grabs him.
“Come on baby… You know me better than that. I knew you would find me. There’s
not mistake here Ian.” Nick tells Ian who is looking at him weird.
“No fuck you.” Ian says and tries to turn around when Nick grabs him and stops
him
“No, no, no, wait, okay? Look I was in trouble okay. That’s why I left. I had
to leave. I’ve only been gone for what a few days or so… Look okay maybe more
than a week but, hey don’t look at me like that aight…Just take me home okay.
Take me away from here. Just me and you okay and I’ll tell you why I left
okay?” Nick says
“No! How about you start explaining to me everything right now Nick! From the
beginning to the end.  Particular with this first thing you said to me a few
moments ago was ‘I’m not Nick’ that one I want an explanation for right about
now.” Ian says looking Nick dead in his eyes. He was serious, but Nick somehow
is keeping himself calm under the pressure.
“So talk to me Nick what’s going on with you? What kind of troubling you’re
into? And why are you so called not Nick yet Mickey or whatever huh? Are
playing fucking mind games with me, because you can go fuck yourself” Ian says
to Nick.  And Nick knows what Ian’s doing; he’s trying to confuse him so he
will tell him everything. It’s not the first time Ian as done this but this
time Nick is not falling for it.
“Okay! Okay, fine look I can’t go there with you right now aight. I just… I
just want to be free with you okay. Can we just go and be free. You were
thinking about moving and we were going to. Let’s do that like right now. Shit
we can stay at my place in New York you said you want to go back there let’s go
there! You can get your transfer for the academy there or something, plus
Debbie would love it, like a new start for her; you said it so yourself.” Nick
is trying now to steer the topic away from Ian, of him saying he’s not Nick.
“No! No, I want to know right now. Why did you leave me after you told me you
would be there waiting for me huh? What’s up with you and saying I’m not Nick
and looking at me like I’m crazy or some shit?” Ian flat out tells Nick with
some heat to his voice. He wants answer and he’s going to get them.
“Look I got into some things with my family okay. And uh I got into a bit of
ah… issue with a problem but that aint gonna be a problem no more okay. And
right now that would bring up the past and I don’t want to do that. Plus FYI
I’m sure you don’t want to bring up every ounce of your past to life just like
I don’t want to do that to mines.” Nick shot back at Ian.
“You’re still not explaining and that’s not fair Nick.” Ian says to Nick lowly
yet there’s venom in his voice.
Nick knew that Ian wasn’t yet comfortable bring up the past, he talked about it
sometimes to him but didn’t like it. And yeah it was a low blow to mention it,
but Nick needed Ian to steer clear of the topic of Mickey for just a moment so
he can think of what to say to him. How to explain to him, better yet, he
needed to get rid of Mickey for good. He was not about to integrate with him.
Nope that was not happening, plus Mickey would always call Nick anyways. It
always happened no matter what.
“You’re right I’m sorry… but ugh … Baby come on okay. Let’s just go, let’s just
go and get out of here. Come on. Listen okay I’m sorry I didn’t know what to
do. My family they wanted to control me, they want to change me and they want
me to be someone I aint and refuse to be okay.....Come on Ian please. I don’t
beg and right now I am, so fuckin understands okay. Can we…. Can we get like a
do over okay?  Me, you and the world….shit even Debbie too. I like her too.”
Nick says trying to lighten up the mood
“No. No, Nick No…. I don’t know if I can trust you. You vanished, you left…
disappeared.  Yeah it was for a week and a half, but you left with no say
whatsoever. No fucking letters nothing. Not even a god damn text you fucking
ass hole.” Ian told Nick
“Damn it. Look before you okay… I… I-I didn’t know what I wanted okay. I didn’t
know that I can … fuck! … This is hard to say okay… Look now I do know what I
want…I love you I fucking love you! I fucking love you, you fucking tall red
headed freckle asshole.” Nick says it to Ian hoping and praying to whomever
that Ian would look at him and believe him, because well it was true. Nick
loves Ian so much and being in that hospital with Mickey in control trying to
get rid of him and whoever was helping Mickey had Nick scared. He was more
worried that he would never see Ian again, never touch him, never kiss him,
never look at him again, never be near him and that nearly killed Nick… Shit.
What was it about Ian that Nick couldn’t live without?  He needed his Ian to
protect him from that feeling of losing himself, of being nearly gone. No he
couldn’t let anyone take that away fuck that.  Nick had feelings, he is as real
as anyone, he love Ian and Ian has to know this no matter what.
Ian was stopped breathing for a moment and was in shock. He did think Nick
would ever say it to him, then again Ian though that no one would ever say
those words to him again and mean it. Ian chuckles a little and gives Nick a
small smile “Nick…what did you just say to me? You….. you love me?” Ian repeats
the words to Nick.
Nick give Ian a smile shy smile then speaks while nodding his head. “Look I
know it sounds stupid and dumb or fake and I-I sound like some insecure loser
or a bitch that sounds like I’m just saying it.” Nick tells Ian shyly trying to
hide his cheeks because his face begins to flush red. Nick hated blushing even
if it was Ian doing it to him.
“So why did you say it then?” Ian says curiously
“Because you asshole… I mean it okay…I get sick when I’m around you. I fuckin
think of you all the time. It scares me when I’m not near you…It’s hard to be
near you, it’s hard not to want to hear you’re fucking annoying voice all the
time. Sometimes I can’t sleep or think unless you’re with me or near me. All I
want to do it wake up to your fuckin freckle face and have you be the first
person I kiss in the morning and last person you kiss at night. So yes I fuckin
love you; you asshole, I just hope you know that I do, and that I mean
everything I say you know I mean it from my heart, and that you know you mean
everything to me. I get like butterflies and shit in my stomach okay.  It like
flips around in there and it’s weird, and I can’t breathe around you it’s
hard.” Nick tells Ian looking him in green eyes.
“Maybe you need a doctor then?” Ian says smiling trying to joke.
“Fuck you okay… I’m here telling you I love you and all you can do is joke?
Look I’m not fuckin happy about it at all dick head. And I’m mad…I’m fucking
mad at you for making this happen. But it did and I’m here tell you right now
that yes Ian Gallagher I Nikolai  Milkovich am in love with you. And yes it’s
too late now, so what the fuck are you going it do about?” Nick tells Ian but,
Ian he can’t speak.
Ian is silent and doesn’t say anything he just simply crosses his arms against
his chest and is stuck on stupid at this moment. One; Nick as never like to use
his real name and two did he really just say he loves him?
“Are you gonna say something or are yah gonna stand there and look fuckin
stupid?” Nick says to Ian now slightly annoyed that he hasn’t said one word to
him yet.
“You… you love me… hmph. You left me. And yet you’re fucking here telling me
that you love me. Yet you were just here telling me that you weren’t Nick.” Ian
says then continues after a few seconds.  “You’re talking about love here babe.
 A whole knew fucking ball game…I don’t think you’re ready for that Nick.” Ian
says to him. Ian wants to say ‘yes I know you love me I fucking love you to,’
but he needs to stand firm and Nick still wasn’t explaining himself to him.
Nick looks at Ian and is crushed… “Okay you know what… forget I said anything
okay.” Nick says to Ian and turns around. Yeah he’s hurt but fuck Ian for
thinking he can’t love him.
That looks and sounds in Nick voice makes him cave in… Fuck, the shit this
asshole did to Ian. It’s fucking unbelievable. “Oh come on Nick don’t do that.
Don’t walk away and pout babe.” Ian says to Nick walking behind him and
wrapping his arms around Nicks’ waist from behind.
“Why? I’m fuckin cute when pout.” Nick says with a smirk on his face, and just
as he smiles when he feels Ian behind him, Nick then leans into his loving
embrace that his boyfriend is giving him.
“You are always fucking cute no matter what asshole.” Ian tells Nick playfully.
“Well is that a problem?” Nick says and turns to face Ian now still in embrace.
“No, but the thing is I don’t want to say something that later on will hurt
me.” Ian says to Nick in a low voice, almost childlike even.
“Oh come the fuck on man…spit it out. What are you chicken…a pussy… what? Come
on just say what you wanna say to me. I can take it I’m a big boy.” Nick says
challenging Ian.
Nick just called Ian a pussy and he was far from being that “You know what.
Fine, alright fine I will.” Ian says stepping back from Nick but still looking
at him
“Then go ahead asshat.” Nick says again while throwing his hands up in the
hair.
“Okay” Ian burst out to Nick in a shout.
“Okay” Nick says mimicking Ian.
“I am in love with you; you stupid fuck, and guess what? Yes I do fucking love
you; you asshole. But I’m still pissed and I want answers. If not? Then me and
you, we can’t do this.” Ian says to Nick all at once and his heart is pumping
so fast against his chest, he thinks it might burst out.
Just then in the heat of the moment there lips cash together. Both leaning into
each other tongues fighting for control, there’s biting and they are sucking on
each other’s lips and tugging on each other’s clothes for dear life.  They
break apart from the kiss still holding on to each other.
Ian smiles down at Nick and Nick tells Ian “Let’s go home baby. I’ll give you
what you want Red.” Nick simply says to him
“Okay…but Nick this is not over… we have talk and I’m serious. Whatever you’re
hiding…. I need to know and now.” Ian tells Nick
Nick looks down to the ground and then back at Ian before he speaks. “Not now
okay…..just give me a few days aight… I’ll tell you everything, just trust me
okay. You love me, so trust me babe.”
Ian nods his head unsure of what to do or say. He loves Nick…just right now he
doesn’t know if he can trust him, but for some reason he does. They make their
way out of the park, and start to head home when Nick has a sudden crazy idea;
he looks to Ian and smiles. Yeah this is the man he wants to spend the rest of
his life with. Why not right. ‘Me. Him. Us. Together. No one can stop us now.’
********************************************************************************
Everything was going fine, until Collin got the call from Charlene that Mickey
had escaped the hospital. Now this was when shit was going to get hard. Collin
knew that it wasn’t Mickey who left the hospital but that it was Nick, it just
had to be.  He didn’t know where to look for his brother and he knew that if
Nick wanted to disappear he would.  His little brother wasn’t strong enough to
handle this kind of shit.
Collin called Captain David to tell him what happened. David had no hesitation
in putting in a missing person report in for Collin to find Mickey. Because in
reality Mickey was missing; Collin had no choice but to tell David everything
about Nick and so he was aware of things. David understood and told Collin that
they will do everything to find Mickey and that no one will hurt him even if
his alter is in control.
Leah was with Collin holding him; telling him it would be okay and that Mickey
hadn’t been gone for too long. Less than 24 hours, they would be able to find
him. Collin wanted to tell Mandy and Iggy, but right now he couldn’t be concern
with what they know or didn’t know right now.  He had to find Mickey now and
fast as possible before he lost him.
“Leah…what if I lost him.  This is all my fault! I fuck up and I never got him
the help he needed.” Collin tells her
“Collin you did what you thought was right okay. No one could have predicted
this.” Leah says to her husband.
“Really? Because we don’t know what Nick is capable of?  But then again we do
at the same time… he’s different from Mickey. He’s clever, he’s fucking smarter
than us. The only reason why I found him was because of Colt and even then that
was by luck.” Collin says to Leah
“Look. I’m not going to tell you not to be worried or concerned, because he’s
your baby brother and he’s mine as well. But you can’t blame yourself for shit
you didn’t do to him. You can’t blame yourself; you thought you were protecting
him from something so horrible that it was best for him not to remember….I get
that Collin! You were being a parent and you were nearly what 22 years old? How
could you have known? Christ Collin you have to remember you’re not the one who
hurt him. This is not your fault, you have to remember that! You were barely an
adult when you took your sister and brothers in.  You didn’t know what you were
doing, but you tried your best to decide what they needed.” Leah tells her
husband as she was holding his head looking straight at him.
“Yeah? And look where that got me Leah.” Collin says and puts his hands to his
face and breathes out loudly.  And gets up and starts to get dress.
“Where are you going Collin?” Leah ask Collin
“I have to do something Leah I can’t stay here and not do anything.” Collin
tells his wife
Leah gets up and starts to get dress she looks at Collin and says “What? You
think you going out there alone looking for him… No way asshole, till death do
us part remember.” Leah smiles at him
Collin smiles back and nods his head. They head out the door and got in the car
and start to drive around to see if they can find Nick or Mickey, or whoever he
is out here in Chicago. It’s a long shot, but Collin has to do something.
***************************************************************************************
The first thing that Nick did was dragging Ian in the house and took him
upstairs to their bedroom.  Barely letting Ian get a word out when he tried to
object.  Nick threw Ian on the bed and quickly removed his pants and boxers
with one movement and took Ian’s long cock into his mouth.  Ian didn’t object
at all at that point, because honestly Ian didn’t know if he could even if he
tried, plus it felt so fucking good. Nick swirled his tongue around Ian’s cock
and was sucking him so hard that it made Ian arch his back up and pull on Nicks
hair. That only made Nick bob his head up and down faster. Hearing the slurping
and sucking Nick was doing to Ian, had Ian moaning Nicks name trying hard not
to cum down his boyfriends throat. He then grabs and tugged on Nicks hair
pulling up to lock their lips with one another again.  This kiss was rough at
first, but then became more passionate. Nick deepen the kiss more cradling
Ian’s head with his hands and then he stop the kiss and rested his forehead on
Ian’s head.
He looks in Ian’s green eyes, and Ian looks back into Nicks’ blue ocean eyes.
They smiles at each other and it was the most beautiful thing ever. Both of
them here in this atmosphere of love, passion, and so much heat.  Nick leans
down and kisses Ian more slowly; he careful and slowly removes Ian’s shirt, and
Ian removes Nick shirt. Nick pushes Ian back down gentle on to the bed, and
looks down at the man he so admires and loves.  Nick leans down again to kiss
Ians’ thighs now and slowly passionately, made his way up to Ian’s abs. Licking
them and sucking a genital bruise on his hip.  Nick made his way to Ian’s
nipple and his tongue circled around Ian’s nipple and he bites it lightly and
sucks on Ian’s Nipple which made the taller man arch his back again from the
sensation. All the while as Ian’s running his hands through Nicks’ hair
slightly tugging it.  That lets Nick know that Ian loves what he is doing.
 Nick makes his way up to Ian’s neck; he kisses and nibbles on it. He then
sucks a nice purple blush bruise on Ian’s neck making Ian moan loudly.  He then
captures Ian’s lips again and the Ian replies hungrily to Nicks kisses, but
Nick was able to calm him down.
Nick simple looks at Ian and then makes a movement to get the lubricant from
the dresser near the bed. Nick then coat Ian’s fingers with the lube and Ian
replies by putting two slicked fingers inside Nick. Ian was stretching Nick
nice and good all the while as they kiss. Nick moans into Ian’s mouth as Ian
spread his fingers open inside of Nick. Ian makes his fingers press against
Nicks prostate. Nick was now breathing heavy and fast. The feeling of Ian
inside of him was so good that he tries to kiss Ian again but then got lost in
the pleasure. Nick runs his fingers through Ian’s hair moaning and groaning
from the pleasure and pain that he was feeling.  Ian removes his fingers from
inside of Nick and cupped his ass. Nick leans down and kisses Ian firmly then
lifts his ass up and slowly pushes himself down onto Ian cock. Ian and Nick
both moan together in bliss, as Nick sat on Ian all the way down. Nick then
starts to move up and down on Ians length, slowly moving his hips.  The motions
he was doing was slow yet different, with so much passion, so much emotions…so
much love.  
Nick moves up and down up, and down on Ian; Ian held on to Nicks’ hips, because
now he starts to grind down on Ian’s cock. It was the most sensational feelings
for both men.  Ian is moaning loudly, while Nick is breathing heavy. Nick is
beginning to sob and moan more loudly.  This new motions was different for both
of them. Nick is looking at Ian with intense eyes, moving his hips in every way
angle of motions he can. So much, that he makes Ian break eye contact with him
and Ian throws his head back from the sensation.  Ian sits up and grabs Nick
and kisses him hard, he then flips Nick on his back and looks down at him. Nick
sight as he looks up at Ian and licks his lips, biting on his lower bottom lip.
 Ian is so beautiful looking down at him Nick thinks to himself and Ian is
thinking and feeling the same way about Nick, as he is looking down at Nick.
Ian then lifts Nick’s legs up over his shoulders and then starts to move his
hips.  The movement was slow at first, but then “move faster” Nick says and
then Ian starts to move faster and deeper inside Nick. Making his boyfriend cry
out in pleasure with every thrust Ian was giving Nick. Every time Ian pulls out
and goes back in, it was like Nicks’ breath was stolen away from him, and he
cries out louder in pleasure. Nick rolls his eyes back as Ian hits that spot
over and over again; that’s making Nicks’ body feel everything.  It’s like an
electrical feeling of so much good sensations that is running through his whole
body. Every time Ian hits that spot over and over again it makes Nick want him
more closer than he was before “more right there!” Nick says while he is
scratching at Ian’s back for dear life. One hand makes its way up to Ian’s
hair. Nick tugs and twists his fingers into Ians hair; the sensation is killing
him and he can’t help but feel so lost in the moment of pleasure.  Nick pulls
Ian down and kisses him right after he bit down on his shoulder as Ian is now
pounding into him.  Everything was so heated up; Ian grabs Nicks cock and
starts to pump it faster with everything thrust.
The feeling is warm and full with every movement and kiss Ian give Nick.  Nick
groans lowly as Ian squeezes his cock and strokes it. Nicks body tenses up and
his eyes roll back and his mouth is open in a O shape as his orgasm becomes
intense and he spills himself all over between him and Ian. Nick is quivering
as Ian continues to move and thrust into Nick hitting his prostate over and
over again over stimulating him.  Just a few more thrust into Nick and Ian us
cumming inside of Nick while moaning his name loudly.  Both men are kissing
each other and it’s an exhilarating feeling. It was as if they were the only
two people in the world and nothing else matter to them at this very moment.
Ian pulls out of Nick slowly and Nick whimpers at lack of feeling Ian inside
of, of the lack of feeling full.
Ian lies down next to Nick, they clean themselves up and Nick turns around and
holds Ian close to him.  He didn’t want this moment to end, he didn’t want to
say anything or do anything at all but just stay in this exact moment.  Ian
looks at Nick and smiles at him. It is then that Nick takes a deep breath in
and releases it out… “Ian I have to tell you something.”
“Okay…So tell me.” Ian says
Here it goes.
***** The Truth *****
Chapter Summary
     The truth comes out to all. Now how Ian will react is a surprise to
     say none the less. How the Mandy and Iggy will react to Collins
     confession and secrets behind is another. Now whether they believe
     him or not. Well thats up to them.
Chapter Notes
     OKay so here's the next chapter. The Italic wording is of Mickey
     talking to Nick. I also put in a part where Collin actually talks to
     Ian over the phone. So you guys get a chance to see that.
     Please not that there is mention of child abuse not so much but I
     still want you all to know just in case it does trigger a few people.
     Please let me know your thought. i love reading the comments it keeps
     me going. Plus I appreciate all the kudos you guys have given me. I'm
     working on the next chapter so Here it goes. Leave your comments
     thanks again.
      
     This chapter has been edit for grammar and errors. Please let me know
     if there are any mistakes. I am doing all of the edit on my own so
     here you go xoxox
The room was silent for a moment after Ian replies to Nick, and Nick was
nervous to tell Ian what he needed to tell him. He couldn’t just say ‘well hey.
See the thing is, I have a mental disorder that says I’m not really me, but I
am real and everyone can go kiss my ass because well I love you and I have a
life now!’ Yeah no. That he wasn’t going to do it; Ian would think he’s crazy.
So Nick decides to approach Ian with different information.
“You love me?” Nick asked
“Of course, why would ask that?” Ian says to Nick. He was wondering why Nick
would ask him such a question.
“Cause if you do, yah know… would yah like… be with me forever no matter what.”
Nick says to Ian looking into his eyes
Ian then lifts himself up and leans on his elbows and looks at Nick dead in his
eyes “Yes…now why are you acting differently after we just made some hot
fucking love making?.... What wrong babe?” Ian asked now
Nick doesn’t look away and keeps eye contact with Ian as he speaks “Red look, I
gotta tell you sumin’ and I don’t know if you gonna like it or not. Or hate me
or love me after I tell you what I have to tell you. It’s because I love you
okay and for me to even love you or anything for that matter is beyond me
okay.” Nick says to Ian.
“Okay… So tell me, spit it out Nick… I told you we needed to talk about this
and if I’m going to fully trust you again, than you have to tell me okay. I’m
here, I won’t judge you or anything okay…Are you like… Like some fucking insane
murderer, or a fucking criminal mastermind.” Ian says and laughing trying to
lighten the mood for Nick to talk to him.
“Fuck you okay.” Nick says smiling at Ian “What if I was a fuckin criminal, or
murderer or what the fuck ever. Would you still want to be with me?” Nick says
too Ian with no heat behind his voice
“Maybe… I don’t know. It would definitely mark a check off my bucket list of
people I want to fuck in my lifetime.” Ian says jokingly to Nick.
“What if I wanted to do something? Like me and you versus the world…If I showed
you all of my flaw would you still love me?” Nick didn’t wait for Ian to answer
him; he just gets up. Puts a pair of boxers on, and threw some at Ian to put
on. Nick then went out of the room and came back with his laptop and turns it
on. While he was doing this, Ian was looking at him confused and puzzled as to
what Nick is doing.  Nick isn’t saying anything to Ian, he’s just went ahead
and left the laptop on the bed and goes out the room and comes back again. Nick
looks at Ian and speaks. Well rather he starts to smile at Ian and then oddly
he starts singing to him which surprises Ian.
“If I got lock away and lost it all today. Tell me honestly would you still
love me the same? (Ian was now smiling at his boyfriend and chuckling at his
attempt to be romantic he thinks?) If I showed you my flaws, If I couldn’t be
strong. Tell me honestly would you still love the same?”
Ian cuts Nick off and starts to talk “You’re singing R. City featuring Adam
Levine Lock away to me?” Ian smiles and looks at Nick who is blushing red, more
redder than he has ever did before.
“That was just the chorus I didn’t even get to the other part of the song.”
Nick says shyly, which he doesn’t do. He wasn’t shy around nobody, not even Ian
and for some reason he was right now.  
“I know it’s just… I’ve heard you sing in the shower and never to me… and that
song as a lot of meaning to it.” Ian says to Nick
“Well Red… I think of you when I hear it sometimes. Okay?” Nick says to Ian.
He’s still blushing now and looks away from Ian. Ian just brought that out of
him.
“Yeah okay, Just sometimes though?” Ian askes, teasing Nick
“Jesus Christ okay every time I listen to it.” Nick says slightly annoyed with
his boyfriend
Ian smiles and leans in and kisses Nick and then Nick continues to singing the
song as the music plays in the background from the laptop “Now tell me would
you really ride for me. Baby, tell me would you die for me. Would you spend
your whole life with me. Would you be there to always hold me down. Tell me
would you really cry for me, Baby don’t lie to me. If you I didn’t have
anything I wanna know would you stick around.”
Before Nick can continue with the song, Ian kisses him and says “Yes!... would
you still love me honestly?” Ian says smiling
“Dork.” Nick says to Ian
Ian snorts at Nick's comment “Says the guy, who was just singing to me a few
moments ago!” Ian says smiling widely at Nick
“Okay but I’m cuter at it and I have a better voice than you.” Nick says
teasing Ian.
Ian then grabs Nicks’ laptop who is making an objected sound, which Ian ignores
and went ahead and found the song he wanted to play. He then stood up and put
his hand out for Nick to take it.
“No. No way am I gonna dance” Nicks says shaking his head “Nah not happening
man.” Nick says
The song starts to play and Ian looks at Nick with his eyes wide open, still
waiting for his lover to take his hand. Nick hears the song and lyrics playing
and looks at Ian with sad eyes. He grabs Ian’s hands, than lifts him up and
grabbing him close. They start to sway side to side as the song continues to
play.
‘ You pulled me close. Split second and you disappeared and then I was all
alone. I woke up in tears. With you by my side a breath of relief and I
realized. No, we’re not promised tomorrow.  So I’m gonna love you. Like I’m
gonna lose you. I’m gonna hold you. Like I’m saying goodbye, wherever we’re
standing.  I won’t take you for granted, cause we’ll never know when. When
we’ll run out of time. So I’m gonna love you, like I’m gonna lose you I’m gonna
love you like I’m gonna lose you’
 Ian leans forward into Nick space and kisses him slowly. “I thought I lost you
when you were gone for those past few days.”
“Ian you won’t lose me baby. I’m not gonna go anywhere.” Nick says looking in
Ian’s eyes
“Nick you don’t know that… you left and I just… “Ian starts to say and trails
off. His eyes were glassy and Nick knew he was holding back tears, which hurt
Nick even more than he would like to admit.
“I promise you I ain’t ever gonna leave you.” Nick says to Ian strongly
‘ Like I’m saying goodbye wherever we’re standing I won’t take you for granted
‘cause we’ll never know when. When we’ll run out of time so I’m gonna love you.
Like I’m gonna lose you’
“I love you Nick.”
“I love you too Ian.”
They continue to dance until the song was over and they both just held each
other tightly as if they were going to lose each other.
The thing about loving someone is that you give them the power to love you, but
you also give them the power to destroy you. Love is just a word, a 4 letter
word, but the meaning behind that word can either make or break a person down.
And that’s what Ian is scared of. Being broken down and shattered into pieces
unable to get back up from that. Loving Nick was something he knew he could do
for the rest of his life. But for some reason he had this feeling in the back
of his mind that something was going to fuck it all up. Because well…Being a
Gallagher, nothing last forever with them. The universe somehow felt that.  But
knowing Ian, he refuses to let the universe win.
*************************************************************************************
The next few weeks were bliss actually. Ian was going to work, and Nick cut
back on working at the club shorten his days. He was trying to find another job
for the sack of Ian’s at his request, who actually begged him to find another
job. And yes Nick was not happy about it, but if it made Ian happy and made him
stop fucking nagging him, then he would do it. He didn’t like it when Ian
nagged him, it annoyed him but he still loves him nonetheless.
After that night happen, Nick and Ian talked a lot. By a lot, I mean stood up
all night till the morning and even then they didn’t get to go to sleep till
12pm that afternoon.  They talked about little things, big things, the future,
and about some of Ian’s past. Which had Nick holding Ian close keeping Ian
grounded; they talked about a lot of shit. They made decisions that they felt
is best and well it would benefit them both. However Nick still didn’t tell Ian
about Mickey and that was eating him up in the inside. He just didn’t know how
to tell Ian about Mickey, without feeling that he was somehow going to mess up
what they have.
Nick was home alone at the moment.  He walks into the bathroom and stops.
Mickey was there now looking at him.
“Jesus Christ! What the fuck do you want? Can’t you just go the fuck away?!”
Nick says walking towards the mirror in the bathroom.
“ No! This is my life; I have every right to be here. You have to stop this
Nick !” Mickey says
“Fuck you and you’re stop this shit bitch. This is my life now, and you need to
get the fuck out of it and disappear forever… like right now.” Nick says
slashing back out at Mickey
“ No! FUCK YOU NICK!”  Mickey says pissed off and yelling. “ This is my life
damn it, I just made you up you’re nobody, just a fucking alter!”  Mickey yells
at Nick who’s just laughing at him .
“There goes that anger that lights the fire… where the fuck was that at huh…
Pussy! …Yeah sure “I’m a so called alter. An alter who has a life, who’s
someone! Christ Mickey what are you? For all we know you’re probably the alter,
and I’m the real deal.” (Nick says while pointing at Mickey) “No… you know
what? I am the real deal, and you are just a fucked up person who has a lot of
daddy issue.” Nick says to Mickey smiling wickedly at him
“ What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”  Mickey says to Nick and is now
confused
“Means you ain’t coming out; I ain’t leaving Ian again; no way in hell! Soon
you’ll be just a memory to everyone.” Nick says taunting Mickey
“You can’t do that… I don’t love Ian okay…. I care for Colt, and I’m real and
you’re not !” Mickey says looking frighten back at Nick through the mirror.
“Yeah you don’t love Ian, but I love Ian, and he’s good for us. Colt is a
fucking bastard who should die” Nick hisses out and continues to talk to Mickey
“and if given the chance. Yes I will kill him. For Christ sake you can’t even
say you love Colt! Because guess what Mick? You don’t!  He’s just there and
convent for you that’s all he is and you know it!” Nick says
“ I won’t let you do this to us, I will get out .” Mickey says.
Nick step forward leans in close to the mirror, eyes Mickey as he says “I like
to see you try” in a dangerous voice that even Mickey knew was bad.
“ What are you going to do huh Nick. What happens if Ian finds out about us?
About how fucked up we are okay. He will leave you… He doesn’t deserve this;
you’re making him love someone who doesn’t exist !” Mickey yells at Nick trying
to see if he can get him to come to his sense, but there is no use in that.
“Fuck you! I do exist and I’m real. You’re the one who’s a fucking tool okay.
 He will love me no matter what.” Nick says firmly to Mickey
“Oh yeah… so why haven’t you told him yet?” Mickey asks Nick
“Not the right time…plus I’ve been doing a patch up job on things with him,
since  you  decided to lock us up in that fucking looney bin you shit head….
Did you know he thought I  left him,  that I  abandon  him! Christ Mickey he
thought he lost me, because of you!” Nick says and begins to walk away just as
Mickey spoke to him again.
“I was there…I saw it all .” Mickey says to Nick
“What? What the fuck you talkin about?” Nick says
“ I saw you two that night… I felt everything. If you love him Nick you will
let him go and let me go back home. Let us get better. Just tell me why I made
you and we can get through this…Why did I create you Nick?”  Mickey says and
pleads with Nick
“What you spying on me now! …. You’re gonna be a problem for me aren’t you? …
and No! You know nothing! Ian will love me no matter what; he will love us for
who we are, for who I am! So when he finds out he ain’t gonna be mad at me or
hate me or even stop loving me okay. And we are fine me and you. You ain’t got
nothin’ worry about Mick, I’ve always taken care of us, but you ain’t never
coming back out.” Nick says to Mickey who now has tears coming down his face
“……You can’t know that Ian will still love you… Colt would still love me, still
love us. My siblings will still love us…would you quit it ” Mickey says
Nick is laughing at what Mickey is saying.  “You think Colt would still love
you, us for that matter. Mikhailo come on. Zhe ne buty durnem khlopchyk (don’t
be a fool little boy).”
Mickey was silent and was just looking at his alter.
Nick decided to break the silence. “How was it huh?”
“ How was What? ” Mickey says
“Watching me and Ian that night make love to each other…Better yet. How did it
feel? Did it feel good? Did you like how he held us, how he pound into us. How
he grabbed us and we fucking loved every moment he made us feel so alive! Every
kiss he gave us, every fuckin bruise on our body full of pleasure….. Did you
like it?” Nick asked Mickey
Mickey remains silent again not saying a word.
Nick titled his head and looks at Mickey. Mickey was embarrassed that he did
like it “You did like it.” Nick laughs and turns around.  And just like that,
Mickey was gone again. Out of sight, out of mind. But Nick had a bigger problem
on his hands... If Ian did find out about Mickey and not from Nick himself, how
would he feel about it. This was going to be a long fucking week for him as it
is, and he had to get ready to go to the club.
Nick: Hey meet me at the club later on.
Ian: Ookay babe. Was gonna go C U anyways
Nick:  As long as I’m da only one yur seeing I’m fine with that.
Ian: Damn it, now I’m going to have to tell my other boyfriend I can’t see him
dance no more because yur my number 1. LOL
Nick: Yu think yur funny yu shit head? Becuz I will kick yur ass.
Ian: Ha like yu can take me on.
Nick: We both know how it will end.
Ian: yeah with yu screaming my name. ;)
Nick: OMG yur an ass.
Ian: Yeah but yu love this ass
Nick: Yeah, yeah, C U 2nite. Love yu
Ian: Love yu 2.
 *************************************************************************************
The club was loud the base music was making the crowd want more. The lights
were dark with neon lights and flashes of colors. There were a bunch of people
on the dance floor. Nick was at his usually spot dancing on the podium moving
his body and shaking his ass. He moves his body to the beat of the music every
time and would always receive tips from guys which was normal. Nick would flirt
to get more tips out of these drunken imbecile; swerving his body slowly and
seductively for them. It worked every time as they would slip big bills in his
booty shorts. Ian was always jealous and overprotective of Nick. So if someone
got to close to Nick, he would instantly grab them and pull them away. Nick
would always roll his eyes, and look at Ian like he was crazy.  Business was
business and Ian didn’t see that this was his job; he needed to make money his
way. I mean at least he was not giving private VIP shows or taking guys home
for money randomly anymore.
Nick is now dancing on stage and Ian steps into the club at this moment. He
instantly spots Nick. It was Friday Night and yes the club was pack.  Everyone
knew Ian so when he got to the bar; the bartender gave him his usually, Jack
and coke. Ian stood at the bar till the song ended and Nick got down from the
podium and made his way to his boyfriend, who had a bottle of water waiting for
him.
“Hey Red” Nick says coming up from behind him
“Hey babe” Ian says and kisses Nick “What time you get out of work today?”
“Closing, one of the guys called out. Somethin’ about having an STD or some
shit and burning when he pees! … I don’t fucking know!” Nick saya causally
because that shit didn’t faze him at all.  Not his problem so he didn’t care.
 It was always amazing at how Nick didn’t care or was never fazed at how much
shit he seen at the club and what he saw there. Ian looks at him with a
disgusting face. Yeah the guy Nick was covering was surly sick with some shit
if it burned when he peed. God damn that sucked.
“What the fuck? Seriously? Don’t fucking people know how to use protection and
shit.” Ian says to Nick
“Obviously not, but fuck it. I miss dancing and the atmosphere in here… It’s
been awhile.” Nick says with a smile on his face. He then takes a sip of his
water and then drags Ian to the dance floor.
Both Ian and Nick dance to the music that was blasting loudly. Moving with the
crowd and enjoying every moment of it. Ian had Nick close to him, who didn’t
mind it at all. Nick is grinding down on Ian, and Ian is reciprocating by
grinding up against Nick as well. They move as one swerving their hips together
in sync.  After a few songs Nick goes back to work and Ian went back to the
bar.  It just so happen that Jeff was at the bar as well, leaning against it.
Now if you remember correctly, Jeff was the new rookie that Nick got a blow job
from. (Yes Ian knew about it and how Jeff was pissed at Nick and decided to
hate him ever since he was left with blue balls.)  So Ian knew who Jeff was,
and didn’t care for him however Jeff didn’t like Ian. Mainly because Ian was
with Nick, and Jeff didn’t like Nick.  Jeff didn’t like Nick for many reasons
one being he felt that Nick was a dick and didn’t care for no one but himself.
 Jeff wanted to get back at Nick, wanted him to pay. For a while now Jeff
thought it would be a good idea try and humiliate Nick by hooking up with some
of his left overs, as he says it and give them a better fuck than Nick ever
could. That didn’t work out so well, seeing as how Nick was only with Ian.
Whenever Jeff could; he would try to hook up with Ian, but always managed to
fail. Even after Nick threaten him, Jeff figured he would get Ian one way or
another.
“Hey Ian!” Jeff says coming over to him
“Sup Jeff.” Ian says dryly hoping his tone of voice gave Jeff a message to
leave him alone.
But of course that didn’t work.
“So…here to babysit Nick I see.” Jeff says to Ian leaning in a bit closer then
he did before
Ian rolls his eyes and sighs “No. I’m here to enjoy the club, and chill man,
nothing more. Nick being here is a bonus you know.” Ian says and went back to
watching Nick.
Jeff snorts at Ians response “Okay. Well Ima go up soon and dance. Will you
watch me dance?” Jeff says moving more closely to Ian and resting his hand on
Ian’s thigh.
Ian removes his gaze from Nick to look at Jeff who was now caressing Ian’s
thigh. Ian then places his hand over Jeff and lifts it up and moves it. He
didn’t say anything to Jeff because well…. He didn’t get a chance to, as Jeff
was suddenly on the floor holding his hand in pain.
See Nick saw the whole exchange and because… Well what’s a better word for
pissed off, other than mad….Hmm well, he was that and more. Full with rage he
jumped down from the podium walked over towards Ian and Jeff. When he saw Jeff
place his hand on Ian and was caressing him. Well let’s just say Jeff was in
pain now. Nick went ahead and grabbed Jeff’s hand then twists it and bangs it
so hard against the bar that he thinks it broke. Especially with the way he
grabbed it and twisted it and banged it hard over and over again against the
bar.
“Aaaaaaaahhhhh! What the fuck Nick?” Jeff yells at Nick
“Next time you touch my man I will break your fucking face and pull out you
fuckin eye and make you eat them! Blind and all!” Nick says to Jeff with much
needed venom in his voice that Jeff knew he was serious.
 Jeff was crying on the floor and Nick looks at Ian. So okay Maybe Ian wasn’t
the only one who was a bit jealous of people going near what was his. Nick had
the same problem; especially with Jeff’s dumb ass.
“You” Nick points to Ian “Next time dumb fuck puts his hands on you, break it!”
Nick says to Ian, then walks away to continue his shift. Earning a smile from
Ian that only made Nick want him more. Around 4 am the club was still alive,
but Nick decides that he wants to go. So he got his shit from his locker room,
went and got changed and went to Ian.
“Ready to get the fuck outta here?” Nick says to Ian, who just nods his head.
Ian was feeling really nice due to all the drinks he was having. Nick gave it
to the man, he can hold his liquor, but right now Ian was tipsy.
While exiting the club, Nick saw a familiar face that he didn’t want to see at
all. Colt! Colt was standing outside with some of his co-worker and Nick didn’t
see him until it was too late.
“Mickey!” Colt says
“Sorry you got the wrong guy.” Nick says to him
“Really Mick seriously? What the fuck? Collin said you were away at the
hospital... something about you not feeling well… Are you okay?” Colt says
“Collin’s wrong, now I gotta go man.  Me and you were over remember. Done!”
Nick says and tries to walk away when Colt then grabs his arm and tries to get
Mickey’s attention. That was when Nick shoved him away and Colt fell to the
ground.
Meanwhile Ian was in the car waiting for Nick, but got impatient. So he gets
out of the car and walks over to where Nick was at. Over hearing and seeing
everything that was happening between Nick and some guy. Ian wants to step in,
but for some reason he held back and just watched.
“Don’t fucking touch me again, you got that! I’m not your boyfriend. I’m nothin
to you! GOT THAT!” Nick yells out.
Ian was watching intensively now.
“Mickey, what the fuck is wrong with you.” Colt says confusingly and yet
angrily as well.
 Ian heard the guy call him Mickey.  What the fuck?  Ian thought to himself.
“You are you piece of shit! .... I told you before, fuck you and everyone else!
 Me and you are done, and don’t you fucking dare go telling Collin or his bitch
of a wife where the fuck you saw me got that! Mickey no longer exists… You
alls’ need to get that through yah fucking head!” Nick spat out and begins to
walk off.
Colt gets up from the floor and looks at Mickey with so much disgust. He
mumbles something under his breath, but Nick didn’t care to catch it. At the
same time Ian had walked back to the car without Nick noticing and was standing
outside of it with his hands cross.  Nick approaches him and kisses him “We
have to go” Nick says and made his way inside the car.
Ian didn’t say anything about him watching the whole interaction or what he
overheard the guy call Nick Mickey. He was sure that from all the alcohol that
he drank he was over hearing things……
When they got home Ian went straight to bed and Nick went ahead to take a
shower, the only thing now, was that Mickey was now becoming more of a problem
for him. Nick started to get dizzy and then his head began to hurt. That was
when he blackout.
Mickey turns around taking in the view of where he was at.  He saw that he had
eyeliner on and glitter on his body.  He turns the faucet on and washes his
face. He was trying too hard to fight Nick, especially when he saw Colt.  This
place was different and Mickey didn’t know where he was.  He looks threw his
pockets and found a phone. It was locked and he cursed under his breath.  He
then walks out of the bathroom and down towards the hall. He saw a room open
and in there was the red head he talked to when he was at the park. Ian was his
name. Nick had been with him, Mickey was remembering now bits and pieces. Ian
made him weak, Mickey’s head starts to hurt and he can hear Nick screaming to
take control again.
Mickey walks further down the hall and down the stairs into what looks like a
kitchen. It was dark so he couldn’t tell.  His eyes adjusted to the room and he
flicks the light switch on and saw that there was a house phone. He then picks
it up and starts dialling Collins Number and was trying to call him hoping and
praying to god that his brother picks up the phone. With his luck, Collin
doesn’t pick up, he tries Leah’s number but her phone went to voicemail. He
then walks out to the living room and looks outside. It was early in the
morning and the sun didn’t rise yet, but it was going to he could tell. The
area looked so familiar to him, which was weird but he was in Chicago Mickey
just didn’t know what part of Chicago. He calls Collin again and left him a
voicemail with a detail description of where he was, hoping that his brother
might find him.
Mickey throws the phone on the sofa; he then proceeds to open the front door of
the house and leave. Mickey walks out of the house and opens the gate and
starts walking. He didn’t know where he was at, but he wasn’t trying to stay at
that guy Ian’s house. He didn’t know him.  Mickey continues walking until he
stops dead in his tracks. His whole body shut down and he looks at the house
that he stopped right in front of in shock, and full of emotions.  This was his
old house from what he could remember as a kid. It still looks like shit, trash
in the front yard, paint chipping away.
“I’m in south side of Chicago.” Mickey says to himself. He looks at the house
again trying to remember his past and wondering who lives there now. It was
then he felt a hand touch him and he jumps away from it.
Ian was standing there looking him like he was crazy. Mickey looks at him and
steps away from him. The last time he spoke with Ian, Nick came out.  “What are
you doing out here?” Ian asked
“I-a- I…” Mickey couldn’t talk. He looks around and was lost on what to say.
But Ian was sleeping when he left, so how the fuck was he here in front of him
“You were sleeping?” was the only thing Mickey can say.
“Yeah I was, but then the house phone went off and someone name Collin called
saying where was Mickey and that Mickey didn’t know where he was at?… So what
the fucks up Nick.” Ian asked tired and annoyed.
“Collin called back” Mickey says to Ian
“Yes. Now answer me! What the fuck is up with you.” Ian says to him
“I have to call my brother, I know where I’m at he can come get me.” Mickey
says walking past Ian, But Ian stops him and turns him around.
Ian was now looking at Nick confused. Of course Nick knew this was the south
side, but his brother and again with the Mickey thing. Who the fuck is Mickey?
Granted it was like 5 in the morning but this shit was too much now. “What?
Nick come on let go back and talk. You’re not making any sense right now.” Ian
says
With that Mickey pulls away from Ian and shook his head. “No. Look you’re a
great guy and all, but I have to go. I’m not well okay. I have to get my
brother to come here to get me okay.” Mickey says and then his head starts to
hurt again and he put his hand on his head like he always did when Nick was
fighting for dominance over him. “Fuck” he screams out.
Ian step forward and bents down to the man in front of him “Hey come on let’s
get you back to the house okay.” Ian says worrying about Nick now and wondering
what he meant by he’s not well.
“No-just don’t okay, Just-” Mickey says as he looks up and his eyes were
distracted at the man that was at the window looking at him from his old house.
That Man looks familiar to him and he was looking at Mickey now. Mickeys’ eyes
widen and tears start to form. He looks more scared and pale then anything and
it frighten Ian. Ian turns to see what Nick was looking at and saw the same man
at the window looking out of it.  Mickey head was now in pain and grabs his
head with both his hands and closes his eyes. He was crying now and this was a
different sight of that Ian had never seen him in before.
“Nick?” Ian ask cautiously
The pair of blue eyes looks up at Ian; his eyes are waters and face slightly
red. “Yeah” Nick says and looks at the man in the house across from them. His
expression turns dark, and Now Nick had a fire in his eyes that looks beyond
deadly. If looks could kill that man that was at the window would be dead. A
part of Ian knew this for some reason.
“Hey… you still with me?” Ian asked Nick
“Yeah…let’s go home now. Before I do something.” Nick says not taking his eyes
off the man inside his old childhood house.
Ian leads Nick back home and they walk the four blocks back to the house.  Ian
had so many questions, yet right now it seems that Nick wanted to shut himself
up. Back there Nick looked like he was going to kill someone just by his look.
Ian wonders what was it that made him tense up, and yet look so murderous and
frighten at the same time.  Ian wants to ask Nick a few questions. Like the
phone call that woke him, Nicks change in demeanor and wanting to leave with
Collin. Who was in fact his brother, but yet Nick didn’t want leave. Shit this
was confusing for Ian.
Ian was thinking about the call that he got, which woke him up. The guy on the
other line was frantic and was asking for Mickey.
“Hello” Ian said tiredly and grunting sound
“Mickey! Mickey it’s me Collin where are you?  I heard your voice message.”
 The other guy on the line said.
“What man? You have the wrong number there’s no Mickey here?” Ian said
annoyingly and tired
“Is this 773-398-9095?” The man on the other line said
“Yeah? Who the fuck are you? What do you want?” Ian said
“Look I’m looking for my brother Mickey. He called me from this number a few
times saying he didn’t know where he was at and that he needs my help. He’s
sick okay so I need to find him and bring him home.”  The other man on the
phone line said
“Look ah…” Ian said
“Collin! My names Collin?” Collin said
“Okay Collin. There’s no one here by that name okay. I live with my sister,
older brother and boyfriend. So I don’t know who’s your brother or how he used
my house phone to call you okay.” Ian said to the other man on the phone whose
name was Collin apparently.
“But he called from there I’m sure of it, I got the phone number on my phone as
a miss call not once but like 3 times. Look maybe he broke into your house or
some shit okay. But he’s about 5’7 5’8. Jet Black hair, blue eyes, muscular and
has a birth mark on his right hand. Just have him call okay if you see him.
He’s sick okay?” Collin said not know if this guy over the phone would have
Mickey call, but right now he was desperate to find his brother at this point.
“Sure whatever man.” Ian said
“Hey wait” Collin said quickly
“Ugh god what man is fucking 6 something in the morning.” Ian said annoyed
already. At this point he just wanted to sleep, but he did kind of felt bad for
the other guy over the phone. But he was tired
“Sorry for disturbing your beauty sleep while I’m  looking for my brother. But
what area are you at.” Collin said rudely
“Why?” Ian said irritated
“Just in case my brother is still around there so I can go find him.” Collin
said
“South side of Chicago man. “ Ian said but before he can say where at the phone
went dead.  Ian tossed the phone aside and he looks to see if Nick was laying
next to him, which he wasn’t.  Ian gets up quickly and went down stairs. He saw
the kitchen light on and walks towards the sofa. He saw the other house phone
was on the sofa and that the house door was left open.  When he went to the
door he saw a figure of Nick. So he step more out the door and walks down the
house stairs. It was Nick that was walking, so Ian followed him.
And now they were here back at the house. Nick was silent and went straight to
refrigerator to get a bottle of beer. He opens it and guzzles it down faster
than Ian thought was possible. Now Ian wants answer as much as Nick looked like
was pissed off, Nick had some explaining to fucking do. And shit that he was
supposed to have explain to Ian about more than a few weeks ago. He still
hadn’t done yet. Ian didn’t care if it was too early in the morning.
“You gonna tell me what that was about?” Ian says and leans back against the
wall and crosses his arms over his chest
“What? What-what was about?” Nick says now staring back at Ian from the kitchen
sink.
“Don’t fucking play dumb Nick. Tonight before we came home. I saw that mother
fucker who you shoved on the floor, who you were yelling at and just now when
we were outside fucking looking at that house like you wanted it to fucking
burn down.” Ian says
“Ian look it’s too early in the morning for his shit okay, and you’re tired and
I’m tired.” Nick says but Ian cut him off
“No! I want to know now. Start fucking explaining and I want the truth now.”
Ian says raising his voice and was pissed off.
Nick sighs and rolls his eyes at Ian. “The guy from earlier tonight was a
nobody babe, just drop okay, and outside I just didn’t like the feel of that
house.” Nick says keeping his eyes on Ian whole time while talking to him. Nick
was praying that Ian would drop the whole Colt situation and what happen
outside. But like many things, that just does not happen.
“No fuck that. Seeing as I remember overhearing him call you Mickey…. You know
the name you called yourself about a few weeks ago when I saw you at the park;
which by the way you were nearly freak the fuck out.” Ian says looking at Nick
pissed off and continues “Also seeing as I got a fucking phone call that woke
me up by the way from a guy name Collin. Asking for his brother Mickey.” Ian
says
Shit here it goes… the fucking one thing Nick wanted to tell Ian when was
ready. Especially when they were old and gray; so much that Ian would have like
memory lost or some shit. And okay so Nick didn’t want to say anything at all.
Fucking Mickey got in his head and that never happened! But this was Ian and
now Nick had no choice. Either come up with the truth or simply tell Ian a
bullshit fib of the truth. Fucking Mickey called Collin, now he had no choice
but to tell Ian….Fuck this was not good, not at all.
Nick was staring at Ian eyes widen and completely unable to answer him. Right
now thought, he had no choice but to tell Ian who Mickey was. He prayed that
Mickey won’t be right about Ian leaving him and not understanding. Fuck it
right? Well…Here goes nothing.
“Well answer me now! What are you some kind of con artist or some shit” Ian
asked Nick
“No…the shit is…” Nick huffs out and sighs before he continues “I’m Mickey, but
not really.”
Ian looks at him confused “What the fuck does that mean, ‘You’re Mickey but not
really?” Ian asked
“It means what it mean okay. I am Mickey, or rather Mickey is me. But I’m me
I’m Nick okay. Nothing changes that Ian you have to believe me okay. I was
gonna tell you but not now and you weren’t supposed to find out like that ight”
Nick says to Ian all in one shot.
“You’re not making no fucking sense you know that right?  Who is Mickey rather
why are you Mickey, but yet not Mickey. And you call yourself Nick? What? Are
you in some identity crisis change or some shit” Ian asks slightly annoyed with
his boyfriend and who the fuck he was.
“Okay look…I’m-I’m Nick okay. But on record on legal document I’m Mickey.
Mikhalio actually, that was why you over heard Colt call me that.” Nick says to
Ian
“Colt?” Ian questions
“Yeah the asshole I dumped my ex-boyfriend” Nick says and Ian nods his head at
that.
“Okay but that doesn’t answer why when we were at the park that you freaked out
on me. As if you didn’t know me, and then your brother Collin calls saying you
were scared and didn’t know where you were. He said that you said for him to
come and find you?  Nick you told me that your family were horrible people who
wanted nothing to do with you.” Ian was ranting on
“They don’t! Fuck for Christ sake Ian they don’t want me as Nick. They want
Mickey. They always want Mickey, and there not my family okay.” Nick says
nearly shouting at Ian.
“What about outside just now Nick? I went to you and you acted different
towards me, remember or was that a fucked up joke?” Ian says in a statement
more than asking to Nick.
“Fucking a man….. No okay that was Mickey.  I-he. (Nick breathes in and out and
looks at Ian and runs his hands threw his hair as he speaks now) Ugh fucking
asshole just went off and appeared and I fuckin knew seeing Colt would do
something to him, to have him want to fight and come out, and then he went
ahead and called Collin and then decided to walk around like he fucking knows
shit and now were here!” Nick says as if he was talking to himself
“So this Mickey is what, a figure of your imagination or some shit?” Ian says
now Breaking Nick out of his own ranting thoughts.
“What? No-no he’s part of me….he’s might alter okay. Everyone thinks I’m sick
but I’m not.  I haven’t been so free in so long. I know I’m the real me and
he’s the alter.” Nick says to Ian truthfully.
“Alter… you mean like…fuck Nick… that’s a mental disorder isn’t?” Ian says
looking at Nick more shocked now than he ever had.
Nick nodded his head and glares at Ian. “Yeah” For some reason Nick put his
guard up quick. He was ready for Ian to tell him to get out, to tell him he was
crazy and that he had to leave. But that didn’t come.
“Okay…..okay… Why didn’t say anything to me?” Ian asked
That through Nick off a bit, he was sure that Ian was going to kick his ass out
or even yell at him. “I didn’t know how to… How do I tell my boyfriend ‘hey by
the way, I have a mental disorder but it’s nothing right?’ come on Ian
seriously.” Nick says to him.
“Still! You should have told me…Fucking Christ Nick. I’m your boyfriend, your
partner, your lover you know]]” Ian says
“I don’t know okay! You know now isn’t that good enough.” Nick says back to Ian
“Yeah I know because I force you to tell me. If your brother would have never
call here or for fuck sake or if I would have never went out to see where you
were, would you have even told me? Would you even be here in front of my
talking to me right now?” Ian asks Nick
Nick sighs and shakes his head as he answer Ian “Ian I was going to tell you
when I was ready okay. I can’t answer you on whether if I would be here or not
okay, cause I don’t know.” Nick says truthfully.
“Fuck me man… I can’t deal with this right now it’s to fucking-” Ian starts
saying but Nick cut him off.
“Too much right? I figured… Fuck that, I thought maybe you would understand if
I did tell you. I didn’t have to okay? I fucking didn’t have to say shit to you
okay!” Nick says raising his voice but then his breathes in and out. He looks
back at Ian and says “I’ll just go pack my shit and leave and trust me, you
don’t have to bother with this shi-” Nick words gets cut off when Ian goes up
to him and kisses him. Nick kisses Ian back desperately and passionately just
as Ian kisses him back the same way.
Once they both break apart from the kiss, Ian looks at Nick and there’s a
silence in the room before he speaks. “If you’re stupid ass would have let me
finished I would have told you that it’s too fucking early in the morning for
all this information. Not that this is too much; because I have handle worse
shit than this or if not much weirder shit than this.” Ian says smiling down at
Nick “But I love you, I love you no matter what.”
“Really?” Nick says in a disbelieve voice.
“Yes you dumb fuck. Let’s go to bed and rest and deal with this when we wake
up…I have you okay. I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me, but Nick. You know
I would have sat and listen to you.” Ian says to him genuinely.
Nick shrugs his shoulders and looks down at the ground. He’s never let anyone
see him vulnerable as he is now. But for some reason Ian can see him like this,
and only Ian. “I’m used to being on my own Ian. Figure my own shit out on my
own. You’re the first fuckin person I’ve trusted. The only one actually, and
the only one I love. Like ever love and I ain’t want to lose that shit okay.”
Nick says and his eyes become glassy, but he refuses to shed a tear, because
that’s who he is.
Ian kisses Nick again; he guides him upstairs to their bedroom, where they
would rest for now. They will deal with it all later on. Deal with all the
questions Ian wants to ask Nick later on. Because right now they were both
exhausted and both needed their sleep.  So Mickey is Nick, or rather Nick is
Mickey. It was rather bit confusing but now Ian needed to rest and figure out
how to help his boyfriend.
*********************************************************************************
Collin was panicking, the guy over the phone sounded like a dick. But then
again it was early in the morning and Collin would be fucking cranky too if
someone call him that early in the morning as well.  But he was too worried to
think about anything like that. Why didn’t Mickey call him back yet? Fuck
Mickey was on the south side of Chicago that much Collin knew. With that
information Collin went ahead and decided to call Iggy and Mandy up tell them
to meet him at his house ASAP. Right now they needed to know what was going on
with Mickey. Even if Mickey didn’t want them to know, he needed to tell them
now. He was going to fill Colt in on it later, seeing has he is Mickey
boyfriend and all. He didn’t know if that would be a good idea, but right now
he needed all the help he can get. He was sure Mickey needed all the support he
can get as well once they find him.
Once Collin called Mandy and Iggy they were over at his place within about half
an hour. Mandy and Iggy walk into Collins apartment with upset tired faces. He
made sure the coffee pot was on and that it was fresh for them. Nothing like a
fresh cup of coffee for his brother and sister right? It’s like saying sorry
I’m waking you up so early in a way, buuuuut we have a crisis on our hands!
Collin waits for them to setting in before he starts talking “What I’m about to
tell you and Iggy. I need you both to have an open mind okay. Just hear me out
okay, and also don’t get mad with what I’m about to tell you... Both of you! I
need you to understand why I kept this from you guys okay.” Collin tells both
Mandy and Iggy with his eye wide awake now. They see how Collin is holding back
tears, yet they don’t know why.
“Collin man what are you talking about?” Iggy says looking straight at him.
“Yeah Collin what the fuck are you going on about bro?” Mandy says right after.
There’s a silence in the room for a moment, and Collin is looking down at the
floor, trying to somehow explain to his brother and sister what he meant.  He
looks up at both of them and takes a deep breath in and out. Then he starts
talking.
“Okay…So remember when you guys were telling me that Mickey was starting to act
different. Like you said Mandy, he said he was having some memory loss, and
Iggy you and Mandy told me about how he was always so grumpy which is normally
him, but he looked like he wasn’t getting sleep, and how he said he was always
exhausted all the time. Even when he would claim to go to bed early? And
remember what you said Mandy, about his whole demeanor changing when he called
you and freaking out. That he had blackout a bit then denied it automatically
and he just acted different completely.” Collin says to his siblings and they
both nod their heads at him. So he continues on.
“And remember when we went looking for him and I had accessed his account. Well
there was purchase’s to a hotel and when we called the hotel they said he was
going there with some redhead guy. And they said he was always being private at
the hotel. Well what I didn’t tell you guys was when I told Mickey about it, he
was shocked and acted like I didn’t know that the fuck I was talking about. And
even got upset when I thought he was cheating on Colt. He literally almost
chewed my head off.” They nod their heads again in acknowledgment and Collin
continues talking.
“Remember a few months back when I told you guys to go to the office so we can
talk about Mickey.  You both were done with him being an ass and him being
really fucked up, especially to you Mandy. When we to go to him and confront
him. Well the thing is...” Collin starts to say but Iggy cut him off. Iggy was
tired and annoyed with a lot of shit lately, mainly because the shop was short
handed since Mickey up and left without a word and Iggy had to do double the
work.
“Okay but what does that have to do with anything Collin?” Iggy says out
annoyed already because it’s early in the morning and he’s tired; while Mandy
just leans back against her chair looking at Collin waiting for him to go on
and explain whatever it is he’s trying to say.
Collin raised his eyebrows up like all the Milkovich siblings did. He instantly
got annoyed because Iggy fucking wouldn’t let him finish what he is trying to
say. “Okay can you fucking let me get to that before you so rudely interrupted
me alright… so the shit is…” Collin says snapping at Iggy. Iggy shrugs his
shoulders he and Mandy both sit up and raised their eyebrows high up just like
he did. It was a Milkovich thing I guess. Collin sighs just then and begins “8
years ago, you guys remember what happened right?” Both Mandy and Iggy frown
and nod their heads again in response. Collin continues on speaking. “So…you
guys remember how I had to go to the police station and talk to the detectives
and identify Mickey on the tapes, at least one time so that they knew it was
him like a positive ID and shit.”
They nod again and Collin continues.
“Well, what I didn’t tell you guys was that I saw more than one tape. Not just
one. The detectives had told me to watch the second tape and so he put on a
different tape because they were concerned about Mickey’s mental state.” Collin
says
“What you mean?” Mandy cut him off.
“The other tape was labelled a different name, but it was Mickey on that tape.
See….Mickey called himself a different name. He didn’t call himself Mickey or
Mick, he was calling himself Nick.” Collin says and looks away from his
siblings trying hard to compose himself.
“Wait. What?” Iggy says. And at the same time Mandy says “What do you mean?”
“There were tapes of Mickey or of Nick. Mickey would call himself this person.
I literally saw DVDs and Tapes with labels on them with Mick/Nick. Mostly all
of them if not all were labelled Nick/Mick… I didn’t think…I mean…. But when
the guy on the tape asked Mickey his name the first time I saw it, he said his
name. He said his name was Mickey. He was just an innocent little boy and he
looked scared but not so much. Like- But then…… in the second Video when he
asked him his name again, he said it was Nick. You can tell he was crying and
he…..” Collin looks at the floor again and was trying to brace himself to
continue.
“He looked like he had no emotion. Like he was trying to be strong and not
think or feel. But he said his name was Nick. He wasn’t Mickey. I told the
doctors about it when I took him in to get checked up, and they recommend for
him to see like a fucking therapist of something like that; but I figured that
since Mickey didn’t remember anything, that there was no point in having them
pick his fucking memory like he was a fucking lab rat. Trying to get
information out of him, I didn’t want that! And I sure as hell didn’t want him
to remember something he forgot…. I just… I thought I was keeping him safe but
know I’m not sure.” Collin says looking at Mandy and Iggy who look at Collin
like he had two heads growing out of his body.
“So wait a minute…. Okay hold on. You’re telling me, that there was video of
Mickey calls himself Nick and you decided not to what! I don’t fucking know!
Not tell us!” Iggy was angry, shocked and annoyed at the information Collin was
telling him. Mandy just stood silent listening to her brothers talk.
“Yes….Yes that is what I am telling you guys.” Collins says back to Iggy.
“Collin  WHAT THE FUCK! (Iggy screams out)  Do you have any idea what children
of that kind of abuse most likely face with as adults if they don’t receive any
help…..Shit man why didn’t you tell us!? Why the fuck did you not say anything
to us?  Is that why when Mickey ran away when he was 14 then again at 16, and
we fucking couldn’t find him for almost 3 month till the police found him and
he was living from house to house down on the southside with random fucking
people?” Iggy was practically yelling at his older brother now.
“Honestly Ig’s I have no idea okay! I don’t know! I always figured he was
acting out okay. Even when we ask him he would say he didn’t know why, but he
was there and he just acted like Mickey. He was young of course he was going to
act out! What fucking kid doesn’t’! Shit we did.” Collin says
“YEAH WE DID!  But we weren't raped and abused like he was. We weren’t beaten
down on from Terry like he did to Mickey, and we weren’t practically sold as a
whore as a child for Terrys pockets like he was!” Iggy says in rage and then
continues.  “SO are you telling me his whole fucked up behavior and black out
and shit he’s been having has to deal with what exactly!? Because right now, I
don’t know what the fuck to think Collin!  Right now, I’m fucking confused. How
can Mickey, not be Mickey when he was kid if-if that’s what you’re saying.”
Iggy ask Collin
“The doctors had asked me if we had any history of Mental illness or if Mickey
had experience anything like depression or odd behaviors. But honestly he was
okay. He just didn’t remember anything. I took him to the doctors to make sure
he was okay.  They did a fucking mental health assessment and found he was okay
which I guess alarmed them, because Mickey had no memory whatsoever about what
happened to him. So I figured-“Collin didn’t get to finish because then….
Then Iggy suddenly cut him off “You figured what huh Collin? Figured it would
be the easy way out huh? For fuck sack if the doctors felt that he needed to
continue some kind of treatment or some shit why you didn’t let them! Who the
fuck gives you the right to say no huh. WHY?!” Iggy was upset now.
If Mickey needed the help why didn’t Collin just get him the help even if
Mickey didn’t remember it? Collin had not right to do that. Even now Iggy
didn’t like that he and his siblings lied to Mickey about Terry. Or about why
they had to move away from their house when he was younger. Even though that
house had nothing but bad memories; but lying to Mickey was wrong, Iggy knew
why and yeah sure he agreed with Collin in not telling Mickey they truth. But
now if Mickey is so called sick and Collin knew he was when he was younger.
Then this is Collins fucking fault.
“Why!? You want to know why?! Because I refused to put MY little Brother
through any of that kind of shit again!” Collin voice was starting to get
higher in volume as he was talking to Iggy.  “He was okay! H-He was still my
baby brother, who didn’t remember anything that happened to him over the years
Terry had him under that fucking roof okay!  SO DON’T YOU FUCKIN-He didn’t
remember anything NOTHING OF WHAT THOSE SICK FUCKS DID TO HIM!... So fuck you
for thinking I didn’t give a fuck about him and thought I took the easy way out
okay. YOU! (Collin was trying to control his breathing) …. YOu didn’t have to
see that video and hear him and see he was just this fucking 4 year old boy
scared and frightened okay. So fuck you!....” Collin chocks at the last words
he says. He was nearly at the brink of tears and turns away from his brother
and sister to collect himself; because now he was crying.
If there was one thing that stood with Collin being a Milkovich, it was that
Terry raised him not to show any weakness. He was the oldest and he couldn’t
show any sign of weakness, not the slightest bit of it. Because then that meant
that everyone around him would fall apart.  And right now he needs that not to
happen. So Collin wipes his eyes quickly and collects himself before he turns
to look at his brother and sister.
The room was silent now. No one said nothing and Collin turns to look at Mandy
and Iggy. Mandy was looking at the floor and hadn’t said a word. Iggy was
looking around the room trying not to look at Collin………………..It was Mandy who
broke the silence in the room.
“So…. Okay. So, what do you think? What-what, what do we do if you think
something is wrong with Mick? Because right technically he’s an adult. We can’t
force him to see a doctor or some shit…Plus how do we even know if he is sick
or if he’s just being a big fucking dick.” Mandy says.
“That’s another thing I need to tell you guys… When I had got you guys to the
office to talk to you about Mickey I wasn’t sure if he was sick. I just had
that feeling. So I called Leah, she told me to find him and talk to him, but
even she knew something was off with him when I describe to her everything. I
had been doing some research before that, and what I found. I found a few
things, but in order for anything to be concrete we would have to take him to a
doctor. Maybe even confront him to see if any of what I was assuming was true.
So I started looking for him and I even told Colt and some of the guys at the
job that if they saw Mickey to call me immediately.” Collin says
“Okay so let’s find him and confront him okay. Plus if we do, what makes you
think he’s not going to fucking flip the fuck out and attack us or worse deny
it. It would be our word verses his Collin… And doctors want proof okay.” Mandy
tells Collin.
“That’s the thing Mands, I did find him. After those month of asking you guys
if you saw him and nothing. Colt was the one who found him down town near a
dinner or some shit. So I went ahead and I took the car and drove off.” Collins
says
“That’s why you left the meeting that day?” Iggy asked and Collin, and Collin
nods his head
“Yeah, that was about a month or so ago. But anyway I found him because of
Colt. I went to him and he was different.  He tried to push me away and I
fought with him. But I just kept arguing with him and then he was getting a bad
headache and nearly collapsed on me.  Then he looked up at me and he was
different again. Like he was our Mickey again, I don’t know how to explain that
really. He was so confused and he didn’t know where he was… He freaked out when
I told him the date and then he began to break down and so I took him back to
my place….Leah and her Friend Doctor Charlene were here waiting for us.
Charlene’s a psychiatrist, so she evaluated Mickey and did whatever
psychologists do or some shit.” Collin says
“What happened next?” Iggy asks
“She ah…she did her assessment and put him under hypnosis without us knowing.
She fucking said that he has like multiple personality disorder, Dissociative
Identity disorder.  I didn’t believe it until I saw his alter.  Nick. His alter
is Nick. I fucking talked to him and everything. He is so different from
Mickey, like a person.  He’s left handed, he stand differently his whole
posture everything was different. Not Mickey, not our Mickey. He was like
really fucking mean too, like beyond fuck up, he has no fucking emotions
whatsoever or value for emotions or people feelings. The shit he said to
Charlene even I was offended and it takes a lot to offend me…..So after she
took him out of his hypnosis; we knew what we were dealing with. Mickey checked
himself into the mental institution as a voluntary in patient.  He said he
kinda always knew he had someone but he didn’t know in a way.” Collin says
waiting for Mandy or Iggy to say something to him
“So he’s in the hospital like right now?” Mandy ask
“No. that’s the thing he left. We don’t know where he is or if he is even him
or Nick.”   It was Leah who now spoke from the doorway looking at her husband
and brother and sister in law.
Everyone looks at her and she continues to talk to them. “Mickey at this
moment, we think broke out. From the tapes it seems like he planned it, but it
can be his alter that took control of him.  When we tested Nick his IQ was
above average. He’s one smart son of a bitch. Which is why when you Mandy told
Collin about him speaking Ukrainian he was able to; it’s common with
individuals who have a mental disorder such as this. They talk differently, act
differently, and speak differently languages. I won’t be surprised if he knows
how to speak more than one language.  Patients with this disorder even see
differently as far as sight is concern, some will use glasses, others won’t
need them at all. Some even believe that they’re a different gender which has
happened.  Someone with D.I.D can come in with symptoms that they won’t have,
but there alters will have it, or vice versa. Some alter will have certain
things symptoms that their individual won’t have. Think of it as if say for
instance Mickey can have an allergic reaction to something, but when his alter
appears his alter won’t have that same reaction or allergy.  The blackout
occurs and Nick appears which is why Mickey was having so many headaches.”
“So how does he get better? And where is he if the hospital lost him?” Iggy
asked
“Well we have to find him, and he has to come in willingly, if not we have to
prove he is a threat to himself and others. But as far as help goes, we have to
be his support system. He has to go through extensive therapy, hypnosis which
Dr. Jimenez did with him and again lots of support.  Integration is going to be
hard and takes a long process of time.” Leah says
“What is integration?” Iggy asked
“It’s when bringing both Mickey and his alter together so they can be as one
again. So he can be a whole person and not a split person.  Mickey needs to
find out what happen to him as a child in order for him to move on and get
better. It’s why he created Nick.” Collin says. He made sure to do as much
research on his brothers’ disorder, in order to better understand everything.
“It’s more complicated than that” Leah says. “See Nick said that we didn’t know
everything and that what was on the tapes wasn’t everything. So even telling
Mickey what happen to him may bring out Nick but there’s more to it. Telling
Mickey prematurely can be bad, he can become catatonic, or worse. He could call
for Nick and Nick would be present for a long time, even moving Mickey far into
his mind to a point where it would be years before we see Mickey as himself.
 But for all we know Nick could be lying to us as well, just so he can continue
to be Mickeys alters and not merges with him.” Leah says and finished.
”I also managed to talk to the old detective who was in charge of the case
years ago. Turns out he’s a Captain and he remembers us, well me and him have
kind of stood in contact over the years. Anyway I asked him if there was a way
to get the files on Mickey to a doctor an expert, along with the videos. He
sounded a little concern, but when I told him that something was wrong with
Mick. He didn’t hesitate to help; in fact he help me put the request in and was
able to help me, that was when Leah told me about Charlene and she got the
files and tapes. The captain also put out a missing person report for Mickey in
case anyone see him to contact him and he will contact me.” Collin tells Mandy
and Iggy.
“Okay so what do we do now? What’s the plan?” Mandy says as Collin looks up at
her and then to Iggy.
“We find Mickey… Bring him home and help him. Even if he is kicking and
screaming…. Plus I have feeling I might know where he’s at right now. So we
have to get a move on now before he disappears.” Collin says and with that
everyone up and alert ready to find Mickey and bring him home.
***** Looking for Mickey *****
Chapter Notes
     I want to edit this story as much as I can. xoxoxo Hope you all enjoy
     this. I should be putting up more edit work soon.
      
     Here is another chapter. Let me know what you think. I hope this one
     is a good one. Again all mistakes are my doing. the next few chapters
     are about to get heavy. Please note I am starting school again so I'm
     going to try and write as much as I can and post as much as I can.
     Comment I love to read so please do comment let me know what you
     think.
Collin, Mandy, and Iggy went out to the south side of Chicago to start
searching for Mickey.  Collin had called Captain David McCain to inform him
about the call Mickey had sent him. Collin gave the Captain the number Mickey
had called him from so that maybe the captain can somehow track down the place
where Mickey was at.  The three siblings each took their car and drove around
to see if they can somehow spot their brother and ask around at some of the
local stores showing his picture around.
Every spot was a bust, no one saw their brother, so it was difficult search.
Mandy walks into a dinner hoping and praying to god that maybe she would get a
hit.  She walks up to the counter and there was a young redhead girl standing
there writing something down on her notebook.
“Hi...um” Mandy looks at her name tag “Debbie! Hi! I was wondering if you can
help out.” Mandy asked
Debbie smile at Mandy and then spoke “Sure, what can I do for you?” Debbie says
Mandy Smiles and nods her head “Okay so my little brother Mickey has been
missing; and apparently he must have been around here in the south side
recently, so would you look at this photo and let me know if he looks familiar,
or if you have seen him.” Mandy says and shows Debbie a picture of Mickey.
Debbie looks at the picture and was shocked to see Nick, but apparently his
name was Mickey and he had siblings?  What the fuck. Debbie looks and stared at
the picture trying not to look shocked at the picture.  She seemed to linger on
the pictures but for some reason she goes with her gut instinct and shakes her
head no to the young dark haired Brunette woman in front of her.  Looking at
her now, she kind of resembles Nick, Blue eyes, pale skin and dark jet black
hair.
“So have you seen him around?” Mandy asked when Debbie didn’t say anything
after looking at the picture for a few moments. She must have not seen Debbie
shake her head No.
“No. No, sorry I can’t say that I have.” Debbie says calmly, not knowing why
she was lying but again her gut feelings told she should and that it was best.
“Fuck.” Mandy sighs. “I was hoping for a fucking breaking….” Mandy says looking
frustrated.
“Sorry I can’t be more help to you, um?” Debbie said looking guilty at Mandy
“Mandy. My names Mandy and my little brother who apparently is not well, is
named Mickey. Me, and my two older brothers have been looking for him all day.
It’s like he fucking disappeared from the face of the earth.” Mandy says
looking down at her phone even more frustrated.
“You said he’s not well. Is there like something wrong with him?” Debbie asked
curiously. She knew she had no right to ask a complete stranger a question so
personal, but then again this was Nick. Her brothers’ boyfriend, someone she
was close with. Unless Nick had a twin they knew nothing about. Or a family…
This was all puzzling to Debbie but she kept her cool and was prepared for the
girl in front of her to possible snap at her and tell her to mind her own
fucking business.
“Yeah. Actually my older brother said something about him being sick, but
honestly I rather see it to believe. But then again some of the shit my older
brother Collin was saying sounded weird but also right… it’s hard to explain
really. I even did some research about what my brother told me on my younger
brother Mickey. Still can’t believe it in a way.” Mandy says sadly.
Debbie must have notice Mandy tone and tried to cheer her up by giving her a
chocolate milkshake. “Here you go, on the house. My special Chocolate
Milkshake. Extra chunky.” Debbie says
“Thanks Debbie.” Mandy smiles “You know my brother love chocolate. Fucker use
to literally have a jar full of differently chocolate candy bars, and would
have a chocolate milk like every night when we were younger and even now his
crazy ass adult he is….He used to call me over on the weekends and we would sit
in front of the TV playing video games and smoking, and drinking are fucking
chocolate milk….” Mandy says looking distantly away as if she was remembering
moments she had with her little brother that she did miss so much.
“Well, I hope this makes you feel a little better.” Debbie says softly to her.
Mandy sat down and drank her milkshake texting her brothers back and forth.
Letting them know she had no leads. Meanwhile Debbie went ahead text Ian.
Debbie: I need to talk to you!
Ian: Ok. Is everything okay?
Debbie:  NO! Someone came in looking for someone named Mickey who looks like
Nick. Do you know anything about that?
Ian: Fuck! Did you tell them anything? What did they look like? Who was it? Did
you get a name?
Debbie: No. But Ian what’s up? Why does this girl have a picture of Nick and is
saying he’s Mickey, her brother?
Ian: Look Deb’s don’t say nothing to her. Just lie I guess okay. I’ll explain
everything when you get home.
Debbie:  Okay. You fucking better because right now I’m feeling bad for even
lying to her. She kind of looks sad, but at the same time stressed. So is that
Nick?
Ian: Debs when you get home I will explain. Plz Trust me.
Debbie: Okay -_-
Debbie looks up from her phone just in time for Mandy to wave her goodbye, and
Debbie did the same to her. Yeah Ian and Nick were going to have to explain a
few things to her. Because right now she definitely has a lot of questions.
********************************************************************************************
Ian looks at his phone and cursed himself.  Someone was looking for Nick, and
that was not good. Ian got home and instantly went to find Nick, who was
sleeping in their bed holding Ian’s pillow.  Ian didn’t want to wake him, as he
looked like he was having a great dream and he looked just so peacefully. He
walks over to Nick and kisses him on his cheek. Nick smiles but made no effort
to move or wake up.  So Ian went ahead and gave him a kiss on his forehead,
then on his eyes which were closed still shut. Ian kisses Nick again on his
cheeks, then his noise and then his lips. It was then that Nick looks up and
Ian and smiles at him.
Nick grabbed Ian by his shirt and pulls him down for a more passion kiss,
gripping Ian’s hair and making his boyfriend moan. After they stop kissing Ian
lifts his head smile down at his boyfriend and Nick smiles up looking at his
Ian. “Hey” Nick says lowly.
“Hey” Ian says softly and then continues “We have to talk.” Ian says more
seriously.
Nick raised his eyebrow and says “aight… is everything okay?....Are you mad
about the whole Mickey things and me? Because I tried to explain the best I
can-” Nick says but was cut off by Ian
“No. You know I’m not. I’m still kind of confused about it, and I still have
some more questions about it. We definitely need to talk more about it.  But
right now we have problem.”  Ian says to Nick. Before Ian had left to do
errands Nick had explain to him that his sister and brothers are probably
looking for him and want to put him in a hospital against his own will
nonetheless. Which would mean that he would be taken away from Ian; and Ian
didn’t like that. Nick told him about Collin, Iggy, and Mandy, about how much
he didn’t like them and how horrible they were. He talked about who Mickey was
and tried to explain to Ian about how him and Mickey are different People. He
talked about Colt Mickey’s ex. Let’s just say Ian wanted to fuck Colt up if he
ever saw him after learning What Colt was like.
This was when Nick sat up and looks at Ian curiously. “Why what happen?” Nick
asked now fully up.
“Debbie said that some girl was looking for you, showed her a picture and all
and said your name was Mickey.” Ian tells him
“Fuck! What the Fuck? What did she say to her?” Nick says worrying about the
outcome. He was about to get up and start packing his shit. But Ian eased him
down with what he says next.
“Don’t worry okay. Debbie lied and said she hasn’t seen you, or recognized you.
But we have to explain to her now about you and Mickey and… the whole multiply
personality thing.” Ian says making a weird face as he said it
“Fuck” Nick groaned “Your sister gonna think I’m fuckin nuts.” Nick says
looking away from Ian, mentally imaging Debbie’s reaction to what he was going
to tell her.
“No she not. She’s like me; you just need to explain to her everything and she
will understand. I mean you’ve spent time with her, so you know she won’t judge
you.” Ian says looking at his boyfriend
“FUCK!” Nick says pulling Ian’s pillow to his face and burying himself in it.
Ian grabs the pillow and pulls Nick towards him holding him now.  He bends over
and kisses his boyfriend, and just as the kiss was becoming more passionate and
erotic…. Just then Debbie walks in their room with her arms crossed over her
chest and one eyebrow raised. Slams the door shut and looks at them both on the
bed
They break apart from kissing and Nick and Ian look at one another and then
they both look back at her, but it was Nick who spoke first. “The fuck you
wanna know freckles?” That was his nickname for Debbie.
“First of all, Whose Mickey, Are you Mickey?  Do you have siblings or where you
lying to me when you said you had none and that they were dead?  Are on the
run? Is that girl I met really your sister? And also why was a girl named Mandy
looking for her brother named Mickey that looks a lot like you?” Debbie says.
“So it was Mandy?  Fuck. Collin must have told Iggy and her. Fucking dick heads
need to just leave me the fuck alone.” Nick says but Debbie was still waiting
for an answer so Nick gave it to her “Mickey is me, and he does have siblings,
which are dead to me, because I don’t have siblings. So no, in a way I was not
lying and Mandy is Mickey’s sister not mines.” Nick explains to her.
“What? So okay what you mean ‘Mickey is me’ and why do you refer to him as
another person if you are him?” Debbie asked confusingly at what Nick is
telling her.
“See the shit is Freckles, I’m more than one person apparently or some shit
okay. Mickey’s not real. I am, but Mandy, which I am assuming Collin, told her
and Iggy about it. They want to put me in the hospital and rule my life and
ruin it. Take me away from Ian and you and I’m not gonna have that shit. There
not my family. Their Mickeys family and he’s not here. If I have anything to
fuckin say about it, he gone.” Nick says telling Debbie
“What? Why would they do that? Why take you away? I mean can’t you just talk to
them and have them leave you alone?” Debbie asked. As much as a fighter she
was; Nick admired her innocent and sweet side of trying to reason with people.
However some people can’t be reasoned with.
“It’s not that simply freckles, they want Mickey. They don’t want me, let alone
see me as a real person. But I am real… I have feelings and emotions like
everyone else. They just want to bury me and get rid of me permanently. And I
refuse for any of those mother fuckers to try.” Nick says firmly
“Okay…. It’s just… she seemed sad. Mandy…um, Mickey sister.  You guys do kind
of look alike (with that comment Nick glared at her for saying it, but Debbie
didn’t care she spoke to truth with him always) Like she was missing her best
friend or some shit. But she even said she didn’t believe your older brother.
And something about you loving chocolate apparently or Mickey anyways.” Debbie
says, she was still confused with the whole I’m not Mickey thing and they want
Mickey and not him.
“Hell fuckin no I don’t like chocolate. Shit is not for me, I prefer vanilla
you know that” Nick says smirking at her trying to forget the conversation they
just had.
“Yeah I know. Brought you guys some shakes. Their down stairs in the freezer.”
Debbie says and walks up to Ian and smacks him in the head then punches Nick in
the arm hard.
“Ouch” Ian says just as Nick says at the same time “What the fuck?”
“That will teach you bitches to keep shit from me, and not fill me in okay.”
Debbie says looking at both of them.
“I just found out. Why am I being hit?” Ian says more than asking.
“Because you guys are a package deal, One gets hit, so does the other.” Debbie
says smiling at them.
“Fuck you” Nick says with no heat and gives Debbie the middle finger. “Just
remember don’t say shit okay freckles. If someone comes looking for me or
Mickey, ight I ain’t here. You don’t know me and you never saw me.” Nick says
to Debbie
“Yeah I know. Just make sure you keep making Ian happy and I won’t have to slit
your throat.” Debbie says with a devilish smile.
“That’s my girl” Nick says and smiles back just as devilish as her smile is.
“God you guys are fucking nuts” Ian says and they both punch him in the arm.
“Ouch! You fucking bitches.” Ian says laughing but then----
Just then there was some hard knocking at the door, and they stop laughing.
Debbie went down stairs and Ian was right behind her.  Debbie opens the door to
3 men our standing at the door.  Ian saw the men at the door and went to stand
next to his sister. At the same time Nick got up slowly because he didn’t want
to move from bed. He gets up and makes his way slowly down the stairs but then
instantly holds back when he heard a familiar voice at the door.
“Hello. My name is Captain David McCain, this is office Rider and this is Mr.
Collin Milkovich; can we speak to one Ian Gallagher or Fiona Gallagher.”
Captain McCain says
“Fiona does live here anymore, and what do you want with my brother?” Debbie
says and instantly becomes defensive and louder than she should.  She’s hoping
that Nick heard her and stays up stairs.  She instantly recognizes those same
blue eyes on the guy name Collin.
“Debs” Ian says coming to the door. “Hi. I’m Ian how can I help you?” Ian says
“May we come in.” Captain McCain says
“Sure.” Ian says and opens the door further so all three men can come in.
Debbie looks at him in protest, but doesn’t say anything.
The three men walk into the Gallagher house carefully looking around their
surrounding area. They notice different pictures of what seems to be the
siblings of Ian and Debbie. The men saw Ian’s graduation photo from the
military.  Captain McCain took a mental note of this, so that he was able to do
more investigation on said one Ian Gallagher.  He knew the new rookie was about
to graduate the academy, but he wasn’t able to do much digging in just yet.
“You’re an ex-military man I see?” Office Rider says to Ian
“Uh yeah…why? You a fellow brother?” Ian asked unamused
“No. My brother was actually.” Officer Rider says informing Ian
Ian nods his head “Cool.” Ian says dryly
“Why are you here?” Debbie says firmly and coldly. She doesn’t like uninvited
guest in her home.
“Ms. Gallagher & Mr. Gallagher, we’re here because we trace your house phone
number to here from Mr. Milkovich cell phone.” Captain McCain points at Collin
then continues “This man right here (Captain McCain shows them a picture of
Nick) is missing. His brother Collin who you spoke to not too long ago-“
 Captain McCain was cut off just then
“Yes I did, and like I said to him. There is no one here by that name that
lives here.” Ian says
That was when Collin spoke “Then how did he use your phone? My brother called
from this number, from this house. You have to have had saw him or at least”
Collin says irritated and annoyed at the whole fucking situations that was
happening right now.
“I’m sorry.” Ian starts to say but then Debbie cut him off
“Look if my brother said he hasn’t seen your brother than he hasn’t okay.  This
is the southside; people break into other people’s houses all the time. Plus we
don’t lock our doors at night.”  Debbie says at the men in front of her. She
wanted them to leave and was getting upset.  She saw the picture and new it was
Nick, but after what she found out recently. Her brother and Nick would be
separated and that would hurt her even more to see Ian said.  Also who puts
their family member or forces them into a hospital. That is just fucked up.
Plus she was close with Nick as well, and call her selfish but she refuses to
lose her new family member. He was there for her at her darkest times… You
can’t lose a person like that, a person who understood.
“Why not? Why don’t you lock your doors at night?” Officer Rider says
“Why all the fucking questions?” Debbie snaps defensively.
“Debs” Ian says in a warning voice
“No! Why the fuck would they ask or want to know if we lock our doors or not.
 It’s not like we have anything here for anyone to fucking take? Are they that
fucking stupid or blind or can’t they not see!” Debbie says to Ian not paying
attention to the men in front of her and not caring if she offended them.
“My sister’s right. We don’t really lock our doors, especially the back door.
We leave it open….Kind of always been a habit since we can remember.” Ian says
Captain McCain nods his head and starts to walk around the living and towards
the kitchen. He wanted to look around the house to see if there was anything
suspicious because right now. His gut feeling was telling him that both these
Gallagher’s knew more than what they were saying.  He saw a few things such as
an expensive laptop, and keyboard, along with some DJ equipment on top of the
washing machine. Those were expensive things… was it not?  He was looking more
around the kitchen had notice a few more things. The usual inside a house sink
of dirty dishes.  3 sets of plates, cups and a few different utensils> Looking
around more he was able to see 3 pairs of shoes at the door, and three pairs of
keys handing on the hook of the wall.  So that means there was a third person
home. But where was that third person and who was that third person?
“Does anyone else live here with you, besides your sister of course?” Captain
McCain says to Ian.
“My Brother, but he’s in and out a lot” Ian says
“So is he here, I would like to speak to him.” Says Captain McCain
“No!” Ian says quickly
“Really. Because I couldn’t help but notice you have 3 pairs of shoes and keys
here. And all I see are two of you here right now at this moment.  Which means
either someone else is here am I right?” Captain McCain says
“Those are my boyfriends, but he’s not here. He left for the rest of the day.”
 Ian says
“So when I asked you if he someone else lives here with you. Why didn’t you
include your boyfriend?”  The Captain asked. He wasn’t a good cop for no
reason. He paid attention to a lot of details, especially when people spoke to
him.
“Because he sometimes stay here with me, or at his place. “ Ian simply says
“But are those his keys and shoes? Because if they are which I’m assuming they
are, than that mean your boyfriend lives here as well” The Captain said eyeing
Ian “Plus, he so just happened to just leave his keys and shoes here” Captain
McCain says suspiciously.
“Well yeah…he’s a dancer and he doesn’t take his keys with him as often because
I always pick him up from the club. Or I drive him home to his place where I
have a spare key as well” Ian says swiftly.  It was true though, Nick only did
take his key when he needed to run errands or pick up him or Debbie from work.
“That’s interesting.” Captain McCain wasn’t really falling for this story at
all. But went with it anyway. “Well I would like to speak to him, to see if he
has seen the young Mickey.” Captain McCain says
“You Can’t” Debbie says
“Why is that?” Captain McCain says suspiciously
“Because he’s not here and he’s at work.” Ian says interrupting Debbie who was
trying to help, but was kind of making things worse. Debbie was very defensive
of the people she had in her life that matter, but she was making them look
guilty, which in a way they kind of were. Nick is Mickey or rather Mickey is
Nick. This shit was just confusing as hell, and he was upstairs at the moment.
“Well where does he work?” Captain McCain asked
“Boys-town. The fairy-tale to be exact.” Debbie says. That was a lie, Debbie
was doing most of the talking. But what she didn’t realize, she kind of was
making it worse. She didn’t want Ian to get himself into so much trouble,
because he was still in the academy. Plus lying to the captain and another
officer would end any career he had as an officer.            
“Okay I think I can go there and ask for him and ask a few question. Officer
Rider I want you to take Collin home okay.” Captain McCain says
“What? Why?” Collin said instantly upset
“Because it’s getting late and right now, searching for Mickey at night is not
going to help. He’s probably home maybe or somewhere else at the moment. But
for now we know he’s not here.” Captain McCain says giving out little
information for the Gallagher to here. If they knew where Mickey was at, they
would end up warning him. He didn’t want that. He promised Collin and his
sibling he would help. Sure he was close to the old case that he solved all
those years ago but he felt like he needed to do this. As if he was obligated
to do it. But right now he didn’t want to think of that.
“My brother is mentally ill; He’s probably hurt or even worse. I can’t just
fucking go home and wait around.” Collin says angrily.   
“Mentally ill?” Ian and Debbie says at the same time.
“Yeah. Mickey, he’s sick and me and my siblings are trying to find him and
bring him home. Where he belongs.” Collin says sternly to both the redheads in
front of him.
“Well look, if we see him then I guess we’ll give you a call or something
okay.” Debbie says and goes to the door and opens it. Waiting for the 3 men to
leave the house.
“Oh, and a one more thing. What’s your boyfriends name?” Captain McCain says
asking Ian directly
Shit. Was all Debbie could think; because right now, she needs to come up with
a name so that Ian didn’t lie. Instead of her speaking it was Ian who said
something.
“Angel face…. They don’t call the dancer at the club by their real names. You
won’t get nothing out of no one even if you show your badge Captain.” Ian says
to him calmly.  The shit was that Ian wasn’t really lying per-say. See Nick’s
stage name so happened to be Angel, which was true, but the face part of the
name wasn’t. Plus no dancers would speak to a cop, it was something they
refused to do.
“Okay then. Thank you.” Captain McCain says. The man had such a deep voice that
you had to wonder if he was being sincere or not. Oh well, Ian and Debbie did
not care at the moment they just wanted the men out of the house at this
moment.
***********************
While all three men exited the house Nick was at the top of the staircase in
the shadow looking down and overhearing everything the whole time.  Hearing
Collin’s voice was giving Nick a slight headache. Mickey wanted to come out and
now he was yelling at Nick.
“ Collin! Collin! I’m here!.....God Damn it Nick. You can’t keep me away from
my family .” Mickey yells out.
Nick ignored Mickey and just rubbed his head.
“Are you just going to ignore me! Nick! Nick! Answer me damn it. Let me out
Now!”  Mickey demanded.
Nick walks into his bedroom and sits down on his bed and then lies down
shutting his eyes.  He was tired from Mickey’s yelling and complaining. It was
annoying so he just wanted to ignore him and hopefully he would go away.
“ Leave me alone Mickey.” Nick says calmly, which was new for him even.
“ No! We have to go home. Please Nick. You can’t do this on your own. We need
help we need to go home. We need to do something. Stop running please.”  Mickey
begs
“Leave me Alone! Go away for fuck sacks Mickey! I don’t need you nagging me
ight.” Nick says sitting up and looking at the mirror in front of him talking
to Mickey who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest. “We are home
ight. This is our home. So fuck off!” Nick says
What Nick and Mickey didn’t know; was that Debbie and Ian were outside looking
at Nick as he was talking to himself while looking in the mirror. From there
point of view, Nick looked like a crazy person. But to Nick he was just talking
to someone. That was when Ian walks in and says.
“Babe?” Ian says
Nick was pulled away from his argument and looks at Ian “what” Nick says now
looking at Ian.
“You okay?” Ian says cautiously
“Yeah. Why?” Nick says.
“Nothing just wondering…..I overheard you and-“ Ian says but was cut off before
he can finish his thought.
“It’s nothing okay. He’s gone…..Mickey’s gone.” Nick says and looks at the
mirror to see him and not an image of Mickey.
“Okay…..You sure…I mean is everything okay? I kind of felt bad…I just-” Ian
asked curiously in a soft tone of voice.
Nick walks towards Ian and grabs the side of Ian’s face and pulls him close to
him. “I’m fine” Nick whispered. He then lifts his head up to Ian and captures
his lips. Trying to reassure Ian that he was okay by physical contact.  Nick
holds Ian’s waist and tries to bring Ian closer to him. Ian replies by cupping
Nick’s face and kissing him more passionately. Kissing one another made it feel
like they were more alive and inside their own world, where no one can touch
them there.
Ian holds onto Nick tightly after they kissed. He was scared and afraid that he
might lose Nick. Yeah this whole situation was beyond him. Crazy in fact, but
right now he didn’t want to think about nothing but the man in front of him.
Was Ian wrong for not saying anything? Was he wrong from keeping Nick away from
his family or Mickey? .... But then again how could he. Nick was a real person
like everyone else and Nick told him that over and over again.  Ian felt like
he was being stupid and dumb and that he was being selfish. But at the same
time, Nick choose Ian, choose to be with him, love him, care for him, shit even
choose Ian when he was at his lowest. When Ian felt like he didn’t deserve
happiness. Nick choose him.
Nick held on to Ian just as close and felt himself become much stronger with
his touch.  If Collin wanted Mickey back, then he was up for a fight, because
there was no way in fucking hell Nick was going to let Mickey out. The way he
said that Mickey needs to be home with his family… that… that ‘needs to’ No.
Nick was home, was with his family he made. So why the fuck couldn’t they leave
him alone…… Mickey… it’s always Mickey…… Mickey wasn’t strong enough to fight
Nick……Right?
********************************************************************************************
A few days later Captain McCain and Officer Rider went to the Fairytale in
boys-town looking for Ian Gallagher’s boyfriend, who was dancing tonight. His
name so happens to be Angel face. Turns out, that was a dead end. It seems that
Angel face apparently didn’t work there anymore… how convenient. Yeah right,
something here was not right. And Captain McCain knew it. It’s just that he
couldn’t figure out what.  See what he didn’t know was that Nick paid off the
dancer and bartenders at the club to say that he use to work there. So just in
case anyone asked, they just say he left and doesn’t work there no more. Nick
had also physically and verbally threaten the bouncers and the owner of the
club to say he use to work there, just for good measure. He told him that if
the Captain or anyone showed up there to them with a picture of him asking if
they saw him recently, to keep their mouth shut. I mean it’s not like he
threaten them… Nope he did no such thing. I swear he didn’t.
Captain McCain had Officer Rider check out the other clubs around the area.
When he got to the Whitehall he asked around about a worker named Angel face
and he also showed a picture of Mickey just in case he might have been here or
if someone has seen him.  Everyone he talked too said no and said they didn’t
know who that was. But of course they were lying. The Whitehall was where Nick
worked at, and it just so happens, that Nick spotted the officer before the
officer spotted him.  He jumps down from the stage and walks over to some guy
and grabs him from where he was at. He then leads him to the VIP room. Nick
shut the door quickly and let the other man do whatever the fuck he was doing.
The guy tried to grab Nick’s ass, but Nick shoves him away and tells him to not
to touch him. Nick opens the door to see if they officer was still there. He
was still talking to a few people and was looking at the dancer dance… FUCK!
Just his luck! The fucking cop was gay, he was literally checking out the guys
at the club.  What the fuck! Just Nick’s luck, this shit fucking sucks now. How
the hell was he going to get out of this one? His cell phone is in his locker
and doesn’t even work maybe, and he doesn’t have it on him right now! Fuck! He
wished these booty shorts had pockets or some shit and fuck!
“I’ll pay you for a blow job” He hears from the guy he dragged in with him tell
him.
“Fuck off creep” Nick says with so much heat in voice.
“Come on man. You dragged me in here, least you can do is something for me?”
the man says
“One lap dance is all you get. No touching, not grabbing got it. One fucking
touch and I will break every fucking bone in your hands” Nick says, scowling
the man in front of him.
“Whatever?” The man says
Nick didn’t want to give this old dumb fuck a lap dance. Now he was pissed off
he might have to be in here all night with some random asshole, because the
fucking officer was outside.  He didn’t have a plan and had no idea what to do.
He was slightly worried. Everything was not going right. Him and Ian got into
an argument before he left the house over something sooooo stupid.  He couldn’t
even remember what it was. Then he had been getting headaches all damn fucking
day, but Mickey was nowhere in sight so that was good.  He lost 40 bucks didn’t
know where the hell it went. This day was just not a good fucking day for him.
Nick had dropped his phone in water, so he had to get a new one. And not to
mention the guy at the store was a dick, so after cursing him out and nearly
beating him to death. Nick still had to wait for a new phone to come in. Not to
mention he got a call from one of his dealers. Turns out the guy was dry this
week, so no weed to smoke, which made him cranky. What also made him crankier
was that since him and Ian got into whatever fight they had; he couldn’t
remember it, which slightly pissed him off. He didn’t get none either. That
shit just pissed his whole fucking day off. Not getting laid was something he
didn’t like.
But you see his bad day doesn’t even stop there. When Nick came to work, he got
in trouble for breaking Jeff’s hand. Apparently the boss didn’t like that, but
since Nick was one of his best dancers he told him next time he would get
suspended from work. Then some dick spilled a drink on him and Nick almost fell
off stage. Everything was a mess for him today. Now this shit...Fuck him man.
Plus not to mention he was still stressing over how he was going to keep
Captain McCain and Collin away from him and Ian. Thinking of ways to get rid of
them, or leave and have them give up or something. This was getting out of
hand, but Nick had this. He had to have this, there was no way he was not about
to let his life become fucked up because of anything or anyone.
Nick began to walk to the old disgusting man in front of him, but then grabs
his head when his headache begins to start. This time it was more intense than
it had ever been.
“I don’t have all day sexy. You gonna show me a good time?” The old disgusting
man says to Nick
Nick lifts his head up and tilts his head to the side then raised his eyebrows
up. He was not impressed with the man in front of him. In fact Nick had no
expression on his face. If anything his expression was a lot more serious, cold
stone facial expression. He walks over to the man, grabs his glasses and put
them on his face. He then walks behind the man trailing his fingers as he did,
and put him in a headlock. Nick was a strong mother fucker so it was pointless
for the other man to fight him back. Since the man was already intoxicated, he
was barely able to fight Nick off. Once the man was unconscious, Nick went
ahead and removes his pants, and his button down shirt. It was slightly bigger
on him, not so much but he puts it on. He went to the mirror and parted his
hair to the side as well and removes the eyeliner from his eyes. He put the
glasses back on his face and was looking at the mirror.
He walks out of the VIP room and makes his way to the door, keeping an eye on
the officer the whole time.  He manages to slip out the back door of the club
and makes his way to the car.  He gets in the car and drives off; he kept
driving till he was in the middle of the road. If he turns Left he would be
going towards his apartment and most likely Collin would be there. If he turns
right, he would go to Ian, the thought didn’t cross his mind at the moment till
he blinks and looks up at the mirror on the dashboard.
Nick blinks a few times, and he pulls the glasses off his face and looks at
himself through the mirror, and then at himself again physically.  There was no
way that just happened. Last he remembered he was at the club… fuck not again.
He then looks at his clothes he was wearing. They looked like that guys clothes
he was with in the VIP room and these glasses where not his. He could see
perfectly without glasses. He had a gut feeling he knew what happened but at
this moment right now, it was late and he just wanted to get home. The car was
in park in the middle of the fucking road. Really?  He turns the car back on
removes it from parking and he then turns right and starts to head towards Ian,
towards his home. Even though today was a fucking crazy day….. At least he
still had his Ian.
_________________________________________________________________________________
It has been a few days since Captain McCain, Officer Rider and Collin came to
the house in search for answer. It had also been a few days that Nick was home
since that last minor lack of memory loss at the club. He hadn’t been to work
since, calling out sick and shit. Plus Nick was beyond pissed about the whole
looking for Mickey and McPain in his ass helping Collin and his siblings.  He
didn’t want McCain or as he calls him McPain in his ass metaling in his life.
It’s bad enough he did it when he was younger, but now. Now this is getting out
of hand and Nick was even thinking of doing some weird crazy shit.
“Hey Ian” Nick says
“Yeah?” Ian says back looking at his boyfriend
“Ima go for a walk aight…” Nick says while grabbing his jacket
“You okay?” Ian asked concerned. Him and Nick had a fight a few days ago. To
tell you the truth he didn’t remember what it was, he knew it was something
stupid. Only that he felt bad and when Nick came home that night. All he did
was hold Ian tightly and Ian refuse to let Nick go as well. He really did feel
bad.
“Just need to think. I’ll be back I promise okay. If not send out a fuckin
platoon for me or some shit.” Nick says and kisses Ian on the lips and walks
out the door.
Nick wonders around for a while. Thinking of either running away with Ian, but
then that wouldn’t be right for Ian. Then again if Ian loves him enough, they
could make it where ever they went.  Or he was thinking of traveling leading
Collin and Captain douchebag off his trail…. He didn’t know what to do…. He did
think about faking his death so that way Mickey would be dead, but then again
he’d have to find a body that was similar to his. Burn it to a point of no
facial recognition. But then there were always dental records and Nick was not
about to remove his own teeth for that shit.  Why couldn’t Mickey’s family
leave him alone and let him be. It’s not like they were taking care of him, or
ever have in a way. Nick took care of Mickey. That was his job, as his alter he
was responsible for Mickey, and no one else was, and he did one hell of job by
doing it.
Nick walks so much that he ends up at a few abandon apartments around the way.
He walks around for a bit inside the abandoned building and ran up to the
rooftop. He had brought Ian here a few times; this was like there place, among
other places of course. But here, no one could find them. He sat up at the edge
of the building looking at the sky and the entire neighborhood from up there.
He was there for a while in his thoughts…just simply thinking.  When he feels
like he’s done for the day, he turns around and gets down from the edge and
walks past a mirror and spoke.
“This has got to stop… I have to get rid of Mickey” Nick says to himself
“ That’s easier said than done Nick ” Mickey says to Nick
Nick turns around and looks at the mirror. And just his luck there was Mickey
staring at him. “Look okay I know we’ve always taken care of each other… but
like I said, it’s my turn to live.” Nick says
“That’s not how it works... I created you when I needed help” Mickey says back
to him
“Yeah and I have had your back so many fucking times it’s hard to fucking
count. But the truth is you still need me. But in my world Mick, I don’t need
you. You’re just excess baggage.” Nick says and turns his back to Mickey
“There’s so much at risk Nick. We have Colt… Collin, Mandy, Iggy, our nieces,
your sister in law Leah… and that guy.”  Mickey says softly
“Ian is not some guy okay… I love him! We want to be together for the rest of
our lives okay. And those people are not my family. I want nothing to do with
Colt he’s nothing.” Nick says turning around now facing Mickey
“This has got to stop… I want my life back .” Mickey begs
“Why! So you can go running back to Colt, or Collin or any of them. No. No one
has been there for you Mickey only me. I have always had your back.  Me okay!
No one else, not them, no one! Me, Mickey, me… When the fuck is it my turn.”
Nick says
“ Nick you can’t do this on your own, you can’t live on your own like this, any
more than I can. We need each other and you know this.”  Mickey says
“Live life Like what? Like you are now huh. (Nick laughed)  I can do it. I have
Ian, he will be there for me okay” Nick says
“I have to try Nick….I have to try and live and fight whatever memories I have
that I can’t deal with. You have to let me try for god sacks. You’re trying to
destroy me and everything I have. That’s not fucking  fair okay… I have too
much to live for to let any of this happen to me anymore.”  Mickey says to Nick
There was a silence and both individuals look at each other. See life can be
unfair and unkind…But to simple take somethings so precious away from someone
can be devastating.  See both men have something to lose, but what both men
fail to realize, is that what they have to lose they both share. They just
haven’t quite figured that part out yet.
“Yeah well yah know what Mick, I do to.” Nick says looking at Mickey and then
walks away.
***** Did that just really happen? *****
Chapter Notes
     IF there are errors of any such just let me know.
      
     So its been a while since I updated this. Sorry just started school
     again and not to mention my work schedule is crazy I haven't had a
     day off since the beginning of August. Well here the next chapter.
     There is mention of panic attack and there might be some slight
     triggers just in case for anyone. Some minor violence since someone
     does get punched and also my smut scenes im trying to do much on, but
     I dont think I'm that good at it.
     So I hope you like this chapter. I love to read your comments and
     input and I love and appreciate the kudos that does brighten my day.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
He was walking around and at first he didn’t know where he was at. It’s this
house, their old house. It was dark and complete quit. He heard the man from
behind him and ran to the door but it shut right in front of his face. He went
to his room door and it shut again in front of his face. He tried to go to
Collin’s room and the door shuts again right in his face. He turns around and
closes his eyes. He saw the man standing there in front of him, just laughing.
He can smell the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath as the man in front of
him gets closer and closer. He doesn’t want to open his eyes. He knows if he
does, then it will happen again.
Nick wakes up and jolts out of bed from his dream. He looks around and didn’t
see Ian. He gets up and was breathing heavy and fast. He had to go; he had to
get out of here and just go out anywhere right now, and just not be here by
himself.  He hurries up and puts on his shoes and shirt and heads down stair
out the door. He walks more like jogged to the nearest bar and went inside.
“Hey you got a cigarette man? Can bum one off of yah” Nick asked the bartender
“Sorry I don’t, plus I don’t smoke” the bartender says to him
“Fine fuck it…Let me get a Jack straight up” Nick says and starts to drink.
Just as that was happening Ian walks in to his home and ran upstairs to Nick.
Nick had; had a cold like the flu or some shit and was sick.  He never got sick
so it was his first time in a long time he ever had. He told Ian this and Ian
was shocked because everyone gets sick.  So as Ian was making his way upstairs
he was calling out to Nick “Okay I got you like a few different kinds of cold
medicines and I’m going to make some homemade chicken soup….Nick?” Ian says but
when Ian got up stairs Nick wasn’t there. He looks around in the room and then
in his old room. Not there. Ian then goes into the bathroom to see if Nick was
there and he wasn’t.
“Nick…Fuck. Great Nick…fucking great.” Ian says and then decided to leave and
go out and see if he could spot Nick somewhere.
 **************************
Nick was at the bar sitting down drinking his drink just as Ian walks through
the door and spots him. Ian walks up to Nick and sat down right next to him.
“Trust you to find the one bar that is open…and next to the hotel we use to go
to of all places” Ian says
“Good thing it was in walking distance…well somewhat of walking distance, did
have to job a bit and take a cab after all. But after words we can go back to
our old room there and have fun like old time.” Nick says flirtatiously to Ian
“You okay here sir?” The bartender then cut in looking at Ian and Nick
Nick waves him off “yeah fine.” Not looking up at him or Ian
Ian looks at the bartender and raises his eyebrows at him “I’ll take long
island ice tea” Ian tells the bartender who processed to walk away and start on
his drink. Ian looks at Nick and is grilling him, waiting for him to speak. And
Nick saw Ian doing this, and knew Ian must have been upset that he went and up
and disappeared on him in the middle of the night again.
Nick sighs “Look, you were gone and it seemed like it was forever that you had
left okay. And I woke up and you weren’t there, and I was thirsty….” Nick says
and when Ian doesn’t say anything Nick continues on talking “And you know what,
(Nick then turns to look at Ian while he speaks) don’t start with me on how I
shouldn’t be drinking when I’m sick or whatever. And that I’m in a bar, where
guys or girls can potentially hit on me, (Nick turns back to look at his drink
and is speaking to Ian now not looking at him at the moment.) which by the way
the bartender was doing a great job making sure no one was fucking with me
aight. And if you don’t like that; that’s too fucking bad!” Nick spat out. He
hated feeling vulnerable, even if Ian made him feel safe.
Ian looks amused and says nothing, while the bartender comes back to him and
brings him his drink. Ian tastes his drink and hums in satisfaction. “Thank
you” Ian says to the bartender, not paying attention to Nick and his little
outburst.
“Are you just gonna sit there and not say shit…. Nothing!? Really, nothing at
all” Nick says looking at Ian waiting for him to say something or do something…
Anything really.
“Hmm you know, you don’t taste the heaviness of the liquor in this drink.
That’s when you know someone made it good, when it blends in just right and is
not to overpowering... Here try it.” Ian says and passes the drink to Nick so
he can try it.
“You might get sick Red.” Nick says not looking at Ian but away from the bar
“I’ll take my chances” Ian says his face is serious and he’s looking at Nick
trying to study his expressions
“What’s with you man?” Nick says looking at Ian
“It’s like I told you. IIIIII looove you. Now try the drink” Ian says and
gestures to the drink for Nick to try it.
Sighs slightly and shrugs his shoulder “Okay.” Nick says and takes a sip of the
drink and passes it back to Ian. Nick just looks at him, and Ian wait for him
to speak.
“So you know…I guess the favorite part about being me, about being here… is how
that after me telling you off and everything and taking off on you and well not
really leaving you, except a little while ago, which by the way you were gone
like forever... but still, you managing to find me. Track me down here or
anywhere.” Nick says and is looking off at the distance for a moment and then
looks back at Ian “That I’m able to just…fuck… just go off on you like it’s
your fault and you except it and I just-” Nick says to Ian looking at him. ‘Why
does Ian stay with him?’ He thinks, ‘Why does he love me?’ Nick thinks to
himself.
“It’s amazing and interesting how you can apologies without ever using the
words I’m sorry.” Ian says calmly looking Nick dead in the eyes and smirking at
him.
“Yeah… and for some reason you’re so good at letting things go. Well sometimes
anyways, Or maybe you don’t care enough” Nick says and looks down at his drink.
Ian shakes his head in amusement and chuckles lightly “I have a very calm
mannerism…Ex-military remember. Patience is what I needed when I was out there
in the field. Especially with you I use it a lot. You know it happens when your
boyfriend walks out on you and doesn’t tell you what’s bugging him. And mind
you, you have done it more than once recently.” Ian says in somewhat of a
sarcastic way, but also calm as well
“I don’t want to walk out on you…. Just sometimes things get complicated and my
first reaction is bolt and close up and not say much or anything for that
matter. But I’m getting better at it okay trust me” Nick says looking at Ian.
And Ian can’t help how his eyes become like puppy eyes.
“Trust me he says.” Ian chuckles “look okay how about we concentrate on the
future and not the past. The Now, like right now.” Ian says to Nick
Nick chuckles “yeah okay…to right now” Nick says and raises his glass to Ian
“To right now” Ian says as he and Nick bump there drinks together and drink
there drinks. A few moments of after that Ian is saying something and turns to
the bartender and is asking for another drink. Nick turns around and sees the
image of himself as a child. The boy is looking at Nick and he’s crying again
reaching out for his hand.  Nick then turns back and looks at Ian and smiles.
His past was coming up faster than he hoped and even with Ian knowing the truth
or some of it anyways, it was getting hard to maintain.
They went home walking and Nick is feeling nice and buzzed as he walks up the
steps. He turns to Ian when they got in their room. “You look so good in this
shirt you know that….I love you in this shirt” Nick is acting goofy and Ian
can’t help but smile at him.
“Oh well you are just full of love aren’t you.” Ian chuckles and Nick looks at
him.
“What?” Nick Laughs “Right now, today, this second, this week, this whole
month, this whole past year that has gone by…no in fact since I met you…..I use
to hate love.” Nick says to Ian
“Oh yeah” Ian says
“Yeeeeah. It makes you weak.” Nick says with a giggle and then looks off like
in a distant stare.
“Till you met me huh” Ian’s is amused at how drunk Nick got tonight at the bar
with him. He’s never seen him act different like this before.
Nick looks and leans on Ian and talks “Well you have to love me more than Colt
love Mickey.” Nick says pointing at Ian chest
“Why you say that?” Ian says curiously
Nick slightly leans back and looks at Ian as he speaks “Beeeeecauuuuse, I know
Colt. I know when he finds out, he’s gonna think that his luv can safe Mick,
but it caaaaaannnn’t. Nooope.  Nooo one can save Mick…. Only me Ian. Only me.”
Nick is quit now and turns around and looks in the mirror. Ian’s silent.  He
doesn’t want to move or breath because of what he sees when Nick is looking in
the mirror at himself.  Looking at him and his expression of hurt, pain,
strength all guarded up. It hurts to know that your boyfriend hides so much,
and keeps it away to protect himself. But Ian doesn’t want that. He wants Nick
to open up, but that’s just not possible, because Nick won’t open up.
Nick is staring at the mirror and he’s seeing a younger version of Mickey. He
turns away and he had no Idea he was crying. He wipes his tears off his face
and looks at Ian. He goes sits on the bed and says nothing.
Ian breaks the silence “Look…I want you to know and believe me when I say, that
I will do anything. I mean anything that I can do in my power to make you feel
safe, and make you feel loved. Alright.” Ian says to Nick
Nick doesn’t answer he just pulls Ian into a kiss and then looks at him before
he says “I love you, now let’s go the fuck to bed and enough with this mushy
shit okay.” Nick says with a small smile he gives Ian.
*************************************************************************************
The next Morning Nick wakes up smiling and had the only idea in his head…. Yeah
this was a good idea. Nick’s been thinking about it for a while… It’s a great
plan; it’s the best one he has had yet. They should totally do it. Plus he
really wants to do it. I mean it’s once in a lifetime thing you do, and you do
it right.
“Do you trust me?” Nicks askes Ian
“Yes” Ian says to Nick with no hesitation
“We should do it.” Nick says to Ian
Ian then looks at Nick “Do what?” Ian says
“What we talked about before remember” Nick says looking innocent at Ian Now
and smiling shyly at him.
“You sure?” Ian questions Nick
Nick nods his head up and down frantically “Yeah. Why not?” Nick says
“You know why I’m asking you.” Ian says to Nick as a matter of fact
Nicks shoulders go down and he sighs and turns his whole body to look at Ian
and speak to him. “Look okay…. No one can stop us. Plus by the time they find
out, me and you will have already gone off into paradise… Come ooooon!
IIIIIIAAAANNNN!” Nick wines to Ian. “What’s wrong with some fun? Living life
like it’s our last day. Why not with someone you love right?” Nick says to Ian.
Ian smiles at Nick and nods his head “You know you’re going to be the death of
me. But yeah, you are right… So we're doing this then.” Ian says at Nick with a
smirk on his face.
“Yup! Today is the day! You already graduated right so let’s celebrate by doing
this, plus were going to New York what better timing is this not to go and
celebrate in a place such as New York! Well besides going to Vegas and partying
it up but still.” Nick says. Ian had graduated from the police academy a few
weeks ago. Nick was so proud of him. Nick, Debbie, Lip, Carl, and Liam were at
the graduation. Fiona wasn’t able to make it, which Ian understood, but Debbie
still cursed her out nonetheless and Nick was happy with that.
Now I know what you’re thinking, how the hell did Nick go to his graduation
with the captain David looking for him. Well not him more like Mickey right?
Well that’s simple. Nick just disgusted himself change clothes to something
more as he said “wall street stuck up assholes” A nice suit and tie, with dark
shades on and he wore a hat. Don’t ask about the hat, but it went with the suit
somehow.
So with that being said, both men got dressed got Debbie and left.  This was
their lives now, and it was time for minor change. But that minor change is
going to have a huge impact on their lives and everyone else’s. Which should be
interesting… don’t you think?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things were getting more complicated for the Milkovich siblings. Collin was
annoyed and stressing over work and his brother.  While Mandy still wasn’t so
much convinced that their brother was sick, Iggy was however, or it was because
he just wanted to believe Collin. Mandy didn’t know really at this point. Both
Mandy and Iggy were still kind of pissed off at Mickey in general for the shit
that went down. If he was sick then okay, but still half the shit that was said
had to come from somewhere right? Anyways, after having a huge fight over it;
as much as Mandy valued Leah as a doctor and her doctor friend about the
information on Mickey, it sounded too silly to believe in her opinion. I mean
come on, Mickey having a split personality? Not real. They didn’t have any
mental illness in their family that she knew of. It just wasn’t real to her she
guessed.  Plus thinking about it; who wouldn’t want to pretend to be someone
else in a state of mind like that.  I guess for Mandy it was a more of that she
had to see it to believe it kind of thing.
Collin and Leah decided to go back to New York, being as that Leah had her job
and Collin needed to handle a few things at the New York location for South
Side Autos. Collin told Mandy and Iggy to keep an eye out for Mickey and call
him the second Mickey contacts them.  They agreed and told him to go home and
be with their niece. Collin did miss his little girl and when he got home the
only thing he wanted to do was hold her and never let her go.  She was 3 years
old already at that age of getting her small self into trouble. She looked a
lot like Leah, but had Collins blue eyes, and attitude to the tee. Mickey was
her god father and Collin couldn’t help but wonder how much Mickey was always
so protective of her.
*****************************************************************************************
There sounds of a little boy crying. He’s asking for the man to stop, but the
man grunts. All he hears is what seems to be a slap across the face. And then a
thump sound. (it’s as if he’s remembering all this)  The boy cries sound
muffled now.  “Please stop… I didn’t do anything wrong.” Another hit, and this
time the boy seem to have screamed louder causing the man to cover his mouth
and bang the boy against the wall… or maybe the door. He can’t tell.  The
little boy is crying again. He walks to the door and its cracked open. He sees
the figured man there over his little brother. He tries to go into the room,
but something stops him. It’s like there is a force field or some shit. Like a
glass mirror and he’s banging on it over and over again.  He sees…. He sees
himself. Crying and being beating and hurt….Collin sees his younger self and
he’s bruised hurt in pain. Then just like that in a blink of an eye he
disappears. Collins banging harder on the door again. He’s hearing cries again,
but there not his like it was before. The noise to the voice sounds familiar….
He kicking at the glass wall harder and harder but it’s not budging. He sees a
shadow figure coming towards him and then…..Then he sees Mickey crying in front
of him…. He then looks at Collin and he wipes his tears off his face. For some
reason Collin asked “What’s name?” “nick” his brother  replies. Nick face is
stone cold. No expressions no emotions. Then he walks away and Collin tries to
go after him but is pulled back by…… Oh shit Terry! His father is pulling him
back, and as Collin is struggling to get Terry off of him, he sees Mickey and a
man he can’t tell who it is. But the man just grabbed Nick and pin him down.
Nick is looking at Collin now. And Collin is just staring back at him.
Screaming and hit the glass door or wall whatever the fuck it is. Collin’s
screaming and banging harder at the glass. But nothing happens. Nick is looking
at Collin the whole time and when the older man holds his brother down and
pushes his pants down exposing him. Collin begins to hit the glass as hard as
he can. But it still does break. “Mickey! Mickey! STOP It Leave HIM ALONE!”
Leah is shaking Collin now telling him to wake up. Collin is moving around in
the bed swinging and screaming at for “STOP IT. LEAVE HIM ALONE.” Collin jolts
out of bed, he’s breathless, and confused. He’s sweating all over and is
drenched and is now in more shock then he ever.
“Collin look at me!” Leah says in a frantic worry, but Collin isn’t looking at
her. “GOD DAMN IT COLLIN LOOK AT ME!” She grabs Collins face and forces him to
look at her.
There are tears in his eyes, sweat coming down his face and he’s having hard
time breathing. He hasn’t had an attack like this in years. Not since after
being with Leah for a while.  Leah always knew what to do when Collin had Panic
attacks, especially from bad dreams or memories.  She needed to get him to
focus on her, which she was trying to do now.
“Collin I need you to concentrate on your breathing okay. Baby tell, me what do
you need?” Leah said in a calm voice. Getting worked up won’t help in fact it
will make things worse.
Collin is breathing faster and he is trying to concentrate on his breathing and
on his Leah. But it is hard.  He felt himself becoming dizzy from the lack of
oxygen that his brain is telling him he isn’t getting.
“Collin Stay with me okay. Whatever is bother you it’s not real okay. It’s in
your thoughts. You were having a bad dream.” Leah says to him in a normal tone
of voice trying to bring Collin down.
Leah raises Collins arms over his head and tries to help him to breath. This
attack is different, he seems to be more scared and frightened; he seems to
think it was more real than ever. “I need you to count with me okay, try and
count with me Collin.” Leah says and beings to coach Collin into counting with
her from 10 down.
“10” Leah starts to say and Collin repeats after her
“….10” He breathes in shallow
“9” She says but she worried now because Collin is struggling
“…9” He chokes out
“8” Leah says
“...eigh” he huffs out
“7”
“Se…se….seven” he stutters out
“Come on, Breath okay you’re doing great baby. 6” Leah says
“Six” Collin says, managing to say in a grunt and is trying to breathing
normally now
“Five” they say it together and continue to they reach 1.
Collin is silent for a while. Leah comes over and wipes his face with a cloth
and motions for him to get up so he does. She removes the bed sheets and helps
Collin get undress. She brings him to the bathroom and runs the shower for him.
She knows Collin has to do this himself. Pushing him will only get him upset
and he will close himself off. It was one of the traits she knew about the man
she loves.
Collin gets in the shower and lets the water hit him. It’s nice and warm,
really relaxing and he’s happy Leah hasn’t asked him about what happen, and
about what brought on the panic attack.  He hasn’t had one in a few years, but
his dream was so real. He couldn’t get to his little brother and watching that
man rape him in front of him, and him not being able to do anything about it
was too much to bare.  Plus he saw himself a younger version of himself being
beaten by Terry. What the fuck kind of dreams was he having?  When Collin is
all washed up, he takes his clothes out, get dress and grabs his keys. He needs
to drive to clear his head for a bit. Leah doesn’t protest as much as she wants
to, she lets him be. When he’s ready she will be here to listen. It’s why they
work so well together.
He kisses her before he leave and thanks her.  Collin hops in his car and
decides to drive around. He decided to drive up towards the upper west side of
Manhattan. The deli markets up there are still open and he is kind of hungry.
Its only 12 midnight so they should be open as usual. When arrives near the
store he wants to go to, he parks his car. He decided to walk to the 24 hour
store he usually goes to when he’s stressed out and wants a nice hot sandwich.
Suddenly he stops in his tracks when he hears a familiar voice.  He turns
around quickly and sees it’s his brother, and he’s with……Son of a bitch. That
mother fucking tall redhead asshole!  He said he didn’t know his brother. WHAT
THE FUCK!
 ***************************
Ian and Nick are joking around about some weird ass shit they saw when they
arrived from Chicago a few days ago to celebrate. They were walking back to the
apartment caring a bag of food for themselves and Debbie. She was all too
excited to be here in New York finally and is loving it in fact. Debbie and
Nick were trying to get Ian to transfer or at least think about moving out here
as soon as possible. Living in New York would not be so bad for all three of
them. Both Nick and Debbie told him this, but of course he said “I can’t you
guy, I just started the job.”  Whatever, but with Debbie on his side there was
no way Nick could not win.
Ian grabs Nick from behind him and kisses his cheek and his holding him. Nick
is looking at Ian from the side and is smiling more brightly than ever at the
man he loves. Just as they motion to start walking again, that is when Ian is
thrown up against the wall by muscular man a few inches taller than Mickey.
“You son of bitch you knew!” Collin shouts at Ian
“What the fuck” Ian says and his eye widen when he sees its Collin. Ian pushes
Collin off of him ready for a fight.
“Son of bitch…I’ve been looking for my brother and you were with him the whole
time.” Collin says angrily and goes to punch Ian but Ian blocks him and throws
him into the wall.
“Aye what the fuck asshole!” Nick says looking at Collin now and wishing he was
somewhere else right now “Leave Ian alone, fuck just leave me alone.” Nick
yells at him
“No, Mickey” Collins says but is cut off by Nick.
“Nick! It’s Nick okay.” Nick snaps at Collin
Collin looks at him and then at Ian, and then right back at his little brother
again before he says anything. “You need to come home  now ….we can help you
okay.”
“Fuck you! I am home ight. I don’t need help from you or anyone. I’m fine.”
Nick hisses out to Collin
“Like fucking hell you are! You’re not well. Please! For fuck sacks I’ve been
worried trying to find you. We all have.” Collin says to Nick not paying
attention to him or even acknowledging that he’s there.
“Good for yah. But I’m fine. Don’t need help, don’t want help. I really don’t
fuckin need you or your fuckin fams at all ight.” Nick says with so much heat
that even Ian feels bad for Collin as to the way he’s talking to Collin.    
Collin shakes his head in disbelief. “You’re not…. Fuck, you’re fucking up
Mickeys life, you’re an alter! Don’t you get that?” Collin says and looks at
his brother and then to Ian. “Why didn’t you say you knew my brother when I
asked you at the house, or when I asked over the phone….why?” Collin now asked
Ian.
“Look man I just found all this out recently okay… Plus I’m not keeping him
prisoner or anything okay.  He’s his own person.” Ian says to Collin
“No he’s not!” Collin shouts and now Nick intervene
“Fuck you yes I am! Ian lets go.” Nick motions for Ian to follow him but Collin
steps in between them.
“No! ... Okay look. Me and you (he motions between him and Ian) we got off on
the wrong foot. But seriously he’s my brother he’s not well. You know this, we
told you this. He needs help and professional help.  You can’t handle this or
him on your own. Mickey needs help and he needs his family the people that love
him and care for him.” Collin says to Ian.
“I do love him and I can care for him” Ian says instantly with no hesitation at
all. Nick then grabs Ian hand and start to walk off when Collin grabs them both
again. Nick turns around and punches Collin square in the jaw, and makes him
fall to the floor. “What they fuck Nick!” Ian shouts at Nick.
“He is not my fuckin brother! I don’t have any siblings! Mickey does, I don’t!”
Nick shouts and begins to walk off but then stops and wait for Ian to catch up.
Ian looks back at Collin and then at Nick again.  Ian shakes his head and jogs
to Nick and then they turn the corner and Collin doesn’t see them anymore. Fuck
his brother sure knew how to fucking hit hard as fuck. That at least hasn’t
changed about Mickey.
Yeah this was going to be one hell of a fucking short stay in New York.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Nick and Ian got back to the apartment; both men made sure that Collin didn’t
follow them. Debbie had fell asleep on the couch so Ian went to her and put a
blanket over her so she didn’t cold.  Nick and Ian went to the room and Nick
started to pace around.
“Fuck! Now Collins gonna try and fuck shit up. He’s gonna try and bring people
here and get you in trouble with you job….. FUCK! I just fucking know it, then
he’s gonna put me and a fuckin nut house.” Nick says frantically.
“I’m not going to let that happen okay.  I told you- “Ian starts to say but
then Nick cut him off.
“Yeah I know what you told me. But this is them, they want Mickey and they want
to get rid of me remember.” Nick says dramatically but continues to talk.
“Great now he’s gonna call Captain Pain in my ass and shit.”
Ian starts to laugh and walks up to Nick “Shit. I swear you really are going to
be the death of me” He was trying to lighten up the mood.  Nick always loves
his laughter
Nick looks up at Ian and tries to no look to amuse at his comment. “Oh come on
red. Living life on the edge is kinda fun and you know it.” Nick says smiling
back at Ian and then his smile fades away when he asks Ian “You won’t leave me
right? Cause you can leave now if you want. No hard feelings and all, you can
go.” Nick was still giving Ian a way out and I mean after what just happened a
while ago, that might just be impossible.
“Nick” Ian says firmly
“No Ian!  You should cut your losses.  Fuckin Collin’s going be on our asses
here in New York now! They’re going to find out and try with everything in
their power to separate us now even more….I ain’t worth it man.”  Nick says and
that was when Ian looked at him like he was crazy.
“Well fuck you asshole. It’s a good thing I do shit my way isn’t and not listen
to your dumbass!” Ian says and cups Nicks face and made him look at him as he
is talking to him “You know you’re worth it all. You’re all I ever wanted, and
I will only leave you if or when you ever tell me to.” Ian says to Nick.
Nick smiles up at Ian “You too….I never thought I could have this….You really
want to do this? Stay with me.” Nick asked again. He needed reassurance, again
because you just don’t find a guy like Ian Gallagher every day in your life
time.
Ian didn’t have to say anything; he just closed the distance between him and
Nick and kisses him gently.  Nick grabs Ian face in return and led him to the
bed, never once breaking the kiss. They start to undress each other once the
kiss broke, for a moment. Nick lifts Ian’s shirt up and Ian lifts Nick shirt.
They kiss again instantly for a few seconds, and Ian gently lies Nick down on
the bed on his back.  Ian then begins to kiss Nick again; going down his neck
sucking on it making a nice dark purple bruise of pleasure. He then kisses his
way down Nicks’ body and unbuttons his pants and moves them down with Nick’s
boxers all at once. He brought his hand up to Nicks chest and moves it slowly
up and down leaving goose bumps all over Nick’s body. Nick moans into his kiss
with Ian and bit his lip as he released it.
Nick looks up at Ian and brushes away a few strands of hair Ian had in front of
his face. Nick smiles and then grabs Ian’s face and leans up and kisses him
again more passionately, more rough. At the same time Ian went ahead and takes
off his pants quickly.  Nick brought Ian closer and both men moan in pleasure
at the friction they were feeling from having both of their erections pressed
up against each other.  Ian then broke the kiss and starts to kiss down Nicks’
neck again seeing as every time he did that Nick would grab his hair and tug on
it. Ian is sucking on Nicks neck and licking it, just as Nick was pulling and
grabbing on to Ian’s hair. And god did Ian love to get his hair pulled.  Ian
continues to kiss down Nick’s chest and takes his left nipple into his mouth
and swirls his tongue around it and slightly but yet roughly bite down on it.
Nicks back arches up at the sensation and Ian then pinches his right nipple.
 Ian then crawls back up to Nick and kisses him again. He then trails down to
Nick stomach, kissing it and sucking on it; leaving bruises of red and purple
marks on Nicks body, just amazing.  Ian bites down on Nicks hip and sucks on it
and that makes Nick gasp for air. “Ian” he breathes out and he is so lost in
what Ian is doing right now. Ian takes Nick cock in to his mouth and begins to
suck hard on the tip of the head.
Nick tugs harder on Ian’s hair and that makes the redhead swallow Nick more
into his mouth. Swirling his tongue around Nick, Ian starts to go up and down
bobbing his head fast.  This was making Nick crumble and he was breathing heavy
and babbling word to Ian telling him how much he loves him and how good he is
to him.  All the while Ian went and put his fingers in Nick mouth. Nick sucks
on Ian’s fingers like he was sucking Ian off. Ian takes his fingers out of
Nick’s mouth and put two of them inside of Nick, while he keep sucking Nick
off. Ian was finger fucking Nick just right and Nick arched his back as Ian did
this over and over again, faster and faster. Ian then decides he was going to
go back and play and suck on the head of Nick cock and at the same adding a
third finger; sending Nick in a frenzy of pain and pleasure all at once. Ian
was hitting the right spot and Nick loves it, and yes he verbally expresses it.
 Making him grunt louder and scream just a little… okay maybe more than a
little. But those sounds made Ians cock twitch.
Ian takes Nick cock all the way down and deepthroats him, swallowing him whole.
Nick almost came in Ian’s mouth but Ian knew and he releases his mouth off of
Nick and let out a pop sound when he did.  Nick was dazed in bliss and looks at
Ian like he was hungry. Nick then grabs Ian by the neck and brought him down
for a rough kiss. Nick slips his tongue into Ian’s mouth and of course Ian
moans in pleasure as Nick started to jerk Ian off. Nick then bites Ian tongue
and broke the kiss. He smiles up at Ian. Nick wanted it rough and hard, so Ian
was going to give it to him just as rough.
Ian then flips Nick over quickly, who did nothing, but obey and was on all
fours waiting for Ian. Ian then bites down on Nick’s ass and without any
warning.  Ian pushes into Nick which made Nick lose his breath and scream
“FUCK!” Nick screams and moans louder as Ian fucks him. Ian grabs on to the bed
frame with one hand and then uses his other hand to grab on Nicks shoulder.  At
this point both men were making a lot and I mean a lot of noises as Ian is
pounding into Nick, and Nick is making many sexy moaning sounds.  Ian grabs on
to Nick’s hip this time with his right hand holding him steady, and he uses his
left hand to grab onto his left shoulder. Making him pound into him harder and
rough, over and over again. Deeper and deeper just like Nick wants it. Nick
holds onto the bed frame as Ian continues to pleasure and brutally fuck him
into the mattress. Nick arches his back up more and let his face fall onto the
pillow on the bed. That was when Ian changed angles and hit Nick’s prostate
over and over again.  And god did it feel so amazing, so good, that Nick was
panting more heavier and his cock was leaking so much he loves it!  Nick was
screaming in pleasure “FUCK RIGHT THERE. FA-FASTER……FASTER! UGH FUCK YEAH BABY
THERE!  D-DON’T STOP………UGH IAN HARDER IAN! IAN! IAN!” Nick continues to repeat
over and over again screaming Ians name and Ian was now holding on to Nicks
hips with both hands, moving faster. All you heard was the slapping sounds and
both men moaning loudly.
Ian is close, so he takes his right hand and went around Nick and starts to
jerk him off as he continues to fuck into Nick deeper and faster. And with just
two tugs; Nick is cumming so harder, harder than he has ever did in his entire
life. Ian was right behind with him, and both men scream each other name as
they chased their orgasm. Nick is twitching as Ian was still inside of him
pressed up against his sweet spot.  Ian pulls out of Nick carefully and slowly.
At the same time Nick clasps onto the bed, landing right on his cum, but not
caring enough to care about it. He was trying to stop breathing so hard and
calm himself down after the amazing sex he just had with Ian.  Ian also clasps
as well right next to Nick and was in complete ecstasy. He is trying to breath
regular again as well. Both men are in a state of bliss and love every moment
of it.
“Wow” Ian says. Nick is still silent and couldn’t talk just yet. All he did was
grunt in agreement.
“You okay?” Ian asked Nick who had just then caught his breath again and is
smiling at Ian
“Yeah” and he laughs “But I’m covered in my own spunk man.” Nick tries to turn
around and sit up; he did it slowly as his ass as much as it felt good, is
hurting as hell right now. Nick keeps a smile on his face as he looks at Ian
and leans over and kisses him so passionately. Slipping his tongue again into
Ian’s mouth and moving it inside licking all around exploring Ian.  It’s as if
he’s expressing his feelings to Ian in that kiss.  He leans his forehead
against Ian with his eyes closed and just smiles.  Ian was looking at Nick, and
is smiling back at the man he loves so much. They stood there for a few minutes
in that same position soaking in the atmosphere around them and then they heard
---
“Thank fucking god you two asshole finished! Sheesh! I’m sure the whole fucking
state of New York heard you assholes!” Debbie screams out from the sala.
Both men look at each other and then laugh and lay back against the headboard.
Nick then grabs a cigarette from the dresser next to the bed and lights it up.
He past it to Ian who takes of pull from it and give it back to him, and then
he saw Ian getting up. “Where you going?” Nick asked
Ian looks over his shoulder at Nick and responds “Shower, You coming?” Ian
asked
“Well I already did.” Nick laughs and Ian couldn’t help but laugh back at his
stupid sexual innuendo.
As they came out of their room Debbie looked at them as if she was mortified of
what she heard. “I swear I have never, ever heard anyone say or call my brother
name like the way you did.” Debbie says to Nick who was laughing at her
expressions of horror.  “and I don’t ever and I MEAN EVER want to hear it.” But
both boys were laughing and making their way to the bathroom. That was when
Debbie takes herself to her room and closes the door and put ear plugs on;
because there was no way she was going to hear that kind of porno again.  
Both men made it to the bathroom to shower up. “Hey Gallagher, watch it with
that thing” Nick looks up at Ian.  Showering with your partner was fun, but not
when his dick is literally hitting you.
“Hey you can’t call me that no more” Ian teases Nick.
“Oh yeah, is that so?” Nick says looking at Ian like he was the most beautiful
thing in the world.
“Well yeah, Gallagher.” Ian smiles at Nick and just kisses him hard up against
the wall.  And it was no one business if Ian fucked him in the showers again.
It was no one business that when they got out to the shower, they fucked again
in the kitchen on the counter. Nope that was no ones’ business but their own!
And it definitely was no ones’ business that just one day earlier before they
left to New York City that they went to 138 W Washington St Chicago IL.  Nope!
No one needed to know that but them.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter End Notes
     This chapter is for AnotherGallavichLove. I know things have been
     rough so I wanted to give this to you. Plus like I told you on here
     and tumbler you inspire me to write a fic and that's what Im doing.
     xoxox everyone
***** Escaped and yet Captured *****
Chapter Notes
     Warning there are some trigger here of past child abuse. Also note
     that Mickey is the italic writing as he is talking to Nick who I left
     the font as regular. All mistakes are mine I do apologize...
     Again I love all of your comments and kudos and love. I do appreciate
     everything all your inputs and everything. xoxoxoxo
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Nick and Ian wasted no time the next day getting their shit packed up and
heading back to Chicago. They told Debbie they bumped into Collin so their
weekend mini vacation was cut short.  Nick told Ian that if Collin knew that he
Ian knew about him, most likely he told David (the captain), which is even
worse. Ian told him not to worry about that, that he would take care of it,
plus he was in a different police precinct from him.  In general it’s not like
anyone can do anything to Nick and Ian now, they had a plan. The plan was to
move as soon as they can, and not tell no one. But for now they needed a place
to lay low and not be at the Gallagher house for the time being. What better
place to move temporary into like Mickey’s apartment right. Now, I know what
you thinking.  You’re wondering really? Mickey’s place! Won’t they be looking
for then there or waiting for Mickey there. No, not really; who would think to
look for Nick and Ian there. Of course Debbie said she was moving with them,
and Ian didn’t have the heart to tell her no, and he wasn’t about to leave her
behind.
“Okay so why are we going to well your place… but rather the other you place
again.” Debbie says to Nick (trying not to confuse herself as she just did
again.) as they got out the car and walked towards the building
Nick turns to look at her as he speaks to her. “Because freckles, no one will
think to look for us here. Especially now since we fuckin ran into Mr. Know it
all pain in my ass.” Nick tells her.
“Wait so you are you right. Like Nick being you is a person I know, but you’re
the real one or something right?” Debbie asked because she wanted to make sure.
She didn’t want no one hurt especially Ian.
“Oh My Gosh, Yes! Sheeeh now can we go.” Nick says and walks toward the
building.
“You really live here?” Ian says as he looks at the building in shock. Like
wow, this place is just wow
“I don’t live here, Mickey lives here. We’re just borrowing the fuckin place,
but there is one room in there that is mines.” Nick says to them
“Let me guess the bedroom where you two are going to fuck” Debbie says dryly
pointing at both of them. She really didn’t want to hear that again.
Nick looks at her with smirked on his face and shook his head no while saying
“No you ass, and I thought I was the grumpy one. What’s got your tits in a
twist?” Nick says to her.
“I’m cramping, so I hate all men right now. I’m totally having a penis fucking
envy right now.” Debbie says with no shame
Ian and Nick both make a disgusting fast and quickly look away and move away
from Debbie. Yeah they were not trying to get nowhere near her bad side.
“OOOOOkay didn’t need to know that. Mental note to self get lots of chocolate
for you” Ian says to Debbie who looks at him and gives him the finger. “I got
the new locks so we can change them just in case.” Ian says then now.
“Aight lets go so I can give yous the grand fucking tour of the place.” Nick
says to them as he opens the front door. They entered into the 3 bedroom loft
apartment and Nick walks in like it was nothing to him, but to Ian and Debbie
stop in their tracts. They were amazed at how big the place was, and how
well…nice it felt. This place was nothing like what they were used to.
Debbie and Ian finally walk through the door of the loft apartment, but it was
Debbie who spoke first. “Wait, so your like, loaded or something or like what?”
Debbie says to Nick
“Yeah I have money why?” Nick says looking at Debbie
“So why do you work at the club?” Debbie asked curiously
“Because he loves to be free” Ian says smiling at Nick, and Nick smiles right
back at him.
“Whatever, if I had money there is no way I would work. I would travel the
world go to school, and have fun of course.” Debbie says looking at the DVD and
Blu-ray collection Nick had.
“You have to work Debs” Ian says to her.
“Yeah I know Ian, but first I would have fun. That’s why I said go to school.
Duh. Plus I can do something I love, and still travel and then work. I mean you
only live life once right.” Debbie says to him, but still not looking away from
the collection of movies and TV shows that Nick had on display.
“Okay. Yah had enough chit chatting so I can show you the place and then we can
start to replace the fucking locks.” Nick says patiently waiting for both his
two favorite people in the world.
Nick shows them the rooms, and Debbie really loved the gaming/entertainment
room. Once they knew where the kitchen and bathroom was at. They settled in and
Nick went to change the locks and put in a new key pad code, one that they all
would remember. He gave them all new sets of keys and told Debbie she could
sleep in the living room since the sofa pulls out into a bed. Meanwhile Ian
walks around the loft taking in everything. The pictures on display of Nick and
his family, well more like Mickey and his family. There are diplomas from high
school and college, certificates and everything. He could help but feel bad; if
not wrong for being here, for even being with Nick. I mean this was Mickeys
place like he said, his life was in this place.
Ian was in the second room with the paints and art supplies as well as keyboard
at the corner of the room and a guitar along with it. There was also DJ
equipment. Ian was looking at some of the painting now, they interest him for
some reason. Apparently Mickey could paint, he wondered if Nick could as well.
I mean they were different people but he couldn’t help but wonder. He knew Nick
could draw but he still wondered.
“What you doing red?” Nick says while standing near the doorway of the room.
“Huh. Oh no I was just looking around Mickeys stuff.” Ian says casually
“What stuff?” Nick says walking into the room now towards Ian “You mean those
paintings. Mickey didn’t paint those.” Nick says to Ian with a face of
‘seriously you think he painted that’
“No? Then who?” Ian asked teasing Nick. He figured it was him who did.
“Me. This is my room technically in a way. So it’s my room. See the laptop over
there on the desk with the Dj equipment.” Nick points at “My room.” Nick says
simple and then he walks up to the rack and grab a canvas and shows it to Ian.
Ian is shocked and smiles widely at the painting and looks at Nick. “That’s
me?” Ian says and Nick just nods his head. “You painted me! When?”
“A while ago.” Nick takes the painting and put it up on a hook in the room. He
smiles at it and looks back at Ian who was looking at him with so much love. It
took Nick’s breath away.
“Did anybody ever tell you, that you are amazing?” Ian says to Nick walking up
to him and wrapping his arms around Nick’s waist.
“Only you duh?” Nick says and then kisses Ian, while dragging him out of the
room.
Meanwhile…………………………………………………….............
Collin had been looking for Nick and Ian back in New York. He went to the place
where he first saw them and started looking around. He then went to Mickey’s
apartment in New York, but it looked like no one had been there in a while.
Plus Collin figured that Nick wouldn’t bring Ian to Mickey’s place, being as
they would look for him there first.  Collin did manage to get a lead on them,
and it turns out that Nick and Ian had another redhead a girl with them; they
went to the corner store and was seen there last. Turns out the girl over the
counter overheard them saying that they were leaving because they had to. The
redhead girl had complained to her about it, saying that they were going back
home which pissed her off.
With that being said, Collin knew that Nick and Ian had to have headed back to
Chicago. The problem with that was, where will they be? Will they be at Ian’s
place or somewhere else? Collin still had a few things to take care of here in
New York that needed his attention.  As soon as he was done he would head back
to Chicago; business here in New York never took that long anyway. As long as
he knew his brother was back in Chicago Collin would be able to find him some
way somehow.
“Collin you need to be prepared” Leah tells him
“Prepared for what? He needs to get help and now. He’s back in Chicago and with
this Ian Gallagher. That fucker said he didn’t know Mickey and didn’t see him.”
Collin says pissed off.
“Babe, you need to understand. In order for Mickey to integrate his alter has
to want to as well. If not it’s going to get worse.” Leah tells him in a calm
yet worried tone of voice.
“How worse can it can Leah?” Collin says, he was already annoyed and tired of
this whole thing.
“Worse by Nick literally burring Mickey deep so far in his self-conscious that
it’s possible Nick can keep him inside.  Pushing Mickey’s alter is going to
make him want to fight more. Right now we need Mickey to fight. We need someone
who is going to get through to him. Right now it’s definitely not you.” Leah
tells him and that pissed him off.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” Collin says to her, furious right
now.
Now it was Leah’s turn to get pissed off. “First of all calm your shit down;
you know I’m not the one! Second of all you dickhead, if you didn’t figure it
out by now. Nick does not like at all. I think he even hates you.  We need
someone who Mickey loves and trust. We need someone who can get through to him
while Nick is still present.” Leah says to Collin
“Okay whatever, but I got through to him before.” Collin says
“Yeah and now from what you told me with your last encounter with Nick, he hit
you. You were near him and Mickey didn’t appear right? Nick hates you in fact
he probably has been able to suppress Mickey from coming out when he sees you
or is around you. And that hate can be feeding him to keep control or whatever
the fuck he has with this Ian guy.” Leah says
“Okay so who the fuck can I get to help my brother if not me.” Collin says
“Colt maybe.” He says thinking out loud.
“No! Mickey doesn’t love Colt, you know that. That I know for a fact.  He cares
for the guy but doesn’t love him. He doesn’t even tell us he love us. Plus I
don’t know, I know my brother” Collin sighs and continues on “Or at least I
think I do”
  
“Then we have to find some way to get to him. Maybe talk to Ian and have Ian
talk to him.  Convince him that Nick’s not well.” Leah says to Collin with a
serious face.
But Collin didn’t like that idea. What if Ian didn’t want to listen to him then
he thought of course. “Mandy!” Collin says looking at Leah “Mandy can get
through to Mickey. They were always so close or use to be. I know she can.”
Collin says
“Does she even believe he’s sick, because she didn’t seem to believe you or me
when we talk to her and Iggy?” Leah says she was skeptical and figured Mandy
still didn’t believe that Mickey was sick.
“She has to Leah; she even said he acted different with her. But if anyone can
get through to Mickey it is her.” Collin says to his wife
Leah nodded and said “Okay.” and with that they took the first flight they
could to get back to Chicago.
**********************************************************************************
A few days after they got back to Chicago things were great. Ian was working
weird hours being a new rookie he would get the graveyard shift or the morning,
or night shift. Of course it annoyed Nick, but he managed to have Ian fuck his
brains out every day.  Yeah you can say he was really active, like really
active. Debbie went to school and started hanging out with a few new friends
from school and she had to work tonight at the dinner. She would check in and
come back to the apartment at a respectable time of course. Things were good,
till one night when it happened again.
“Please stop!” the little boy cried out. Mickey was in the corner of the room,
and Nick went up to him. “Are you here to help?” Mickey said to Nick. Nick
simply grabs his hand “Yes” he said. Then the dream jumps to the man and the
lady. She touching him and Nick is looking away from the camera. “No, no, no.
Look at the camera Nick.” The man said and the woman simple takes Nick’s face
and forces him to look. The man comes up to him and kisses the young boy. He
was 12 years old, only 12 and he remembers this; he looks away trying to force
his face away, but the woman grabs his head and is digging her nails into his
scout. He winces in pain and keeps his face towards the camera. “See is that so
hard. We need you to be a good boy Nick.”  The man says, and then he sees him.
He sees the man behind the camera smiling at him from behind. He’s the shadowy
man that Nick hates. He’s the one who started this. Nick looks at him with such
disgust as the other man next to him touches him. The whole time as this man is
touching him violating him, Nick is looking at the man behind the camera. Tears
fall down Nicks face and the man next to him continues to touch him and then he
feels a sting of pain and screams. “Stop it! Stop it that hurts! You’re hurting
me please leave us alone!” Nick screams and is trying to fight the man off of
him. But he can’t and it hurts. What this man is doing to him. It hurts over
and over again. Nick closes his eye tight waiting for it to be over and yet it
feels like he’s suffocated like it won’t be over. When will it be over?
Nick wakes up sweating and breathing heavy again. It’s dark in the room; and
Ian’s not home yet. “Not again.” He says to himself. He puts his hand to his
eyes and squeezes it tight while still breathing heavy. He gets up and gets
dressed, he can’t be here. Not unless Ian’s here. He needs to get fresh air. He
writes a note for Ian and leaves it in front of the door and leaves the
apartment seeing as Debbie wasn’t home yet from work.
The dream felt so real again. He hates that he remembers but knows it’s his job
to protect Mickey from those memories he hides. Doesn’t mean he has to like it.
Nick is walking down sidewalk smoking a joint paying no mind to the world
around him. He stops and notices he’s walking towards Milton Lee Olive Park,
near the Navy Pier.  When Nick was a teenager he always used to run away from
home, everyone thought it was Mickey but it was Nick. He would go here to get
away from the bullshit and if he got in trouble by the cops. No one ever looked
to find him here. He’s texting Ian telling him that he walked pretty far and
was at the Navy Pier down by the docks and that it wasn’t too far from the
apartment if he didn’t mind walking, that he was there.
He finishes his Joint and takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke it and
that’s when he sees he’s faced with Mickey again. Looking at him from the
mirror that was there near the Pier.
“Ugh. God you again?” Nick says to Mickey and turns away from him
“Yeah that right Nick I’m back. You really can’t get rid of me that easy. Even
you know that. You know because of your lack of responsibility and that really
isn’t you. We’re not healthy and it's getting to you. But I can help if you let
me out .” Mickey tells Nick
“Heeeellll fucking No. Which is it? You think I’m fuckin crazy or just fucking
stupid to let your ass out.” Nick says
“ Damn it Nick! You have to let me out. I can take care of us!”  Mickey yells
at Nick
“Can you leave me alone? Just leave me the fuck alone Mickey. I can take care
of myself… Shit I’ve been doing this for a long fucking time. Why the fuck do I
need you for now.” Nick spats out to Mickey.
“ You sure about that? You won’t even let me try to take care of myself and I
know your falling apart I can feel it Nick.”  Mickey tells Nick.
“This definitely has to stop and I have to get rid of you.  I get it okay, I
understand. I know that me and you have always taken care of each other. but
like I told you before that’s over now. My turn to live, my turn to be happy,
whether you or your fuckin family likes it or not!” Nick tells Mickey in a more
determine demanding voice.
“You know that’s not how it works Nick. How many times are we going to argue
about this.”  Mickey argued to Nick
“As many times as I fuckin want and need to okay.  I have had your fuckin back
Mickey so many times! So many fuckin times it’s impossible to count…..” (he
sighs now looking at Mickey dead in his eye of the reflection in front of him.
“Look the fact is, I don’t need you anymore, but you need me. So why don’t you
do us both a favor and let the strong one win here okay? I have always taken
care of you, Mickey, okay. I have never nor will I let anyone every hurt us
Mick.” Nick says to Mickey.
Mickey shakes his head and looks at Nick with glassy eyes “I can’t. I won’t.”
Mickey said lowly to Nick and then changes his tone of voice again. “You think
Collin isn’t on to us by now. I know he told Iggy and Mandy, I know he must
have.  You’re always running away Nick never asking for help. Not even from
that guy Ian.”  Mickey says to Nick.
Nick gets upset and frustrated “Again asshole, Ian is not some guy! I fuckin
love him. And as far as I’m concerned, Iggy, Collin, and  Mandy  are not my
siblings, not my family. There yours Mickey yours, not mine! They never have
been!” Nick says
“ Nick this has got to stop! Give me my life back I want it back!”  Mickey
Yells at Nick
“Why?! Huh… so you can be involved in a loveless pathetic relationship with a
guy you don’t love! Yeah okay, I get it and know it; all you do is care for him
that’s it. I let you out and what are you gonna do huh? You gonna go pretend to
play house with Colt. So you can run back to big bro and big sis and do what!?
Huh? Do nothing but be fuckin miserable and alone like you always feel. And
don’t try and fucking deny it Mickey I know what you do in the bathroom when
you think you’re alone but you’re not…Don’t forget we share the same body, so
your marks are my marks to asshole…...None of them have been there for you. Not
Collin, Not Colt, Not Iggy, and Not Mandy! She hasn’t been there for you like I
have!” Nick says pointing to himself. “I’ve helped you, so you can be happy. So
you can be free. I’ve been the only one Mickey, the only one to be there for
you when no one else was! Whenever you needed me, I was there not them, ME
Mickey ME!” Nick yells at Mickey and Mickey put his head down and frowns at
what Nick is telling him.
“Nick…. Nick you know you can’t live on your own like this. Even with Ian.”
Mickey says sadly
“Oh yeah? Like you can now? You’re the one that still needs me here. Not me
Mick I don’t need you!” Nick snaps back and Mickey
“You won’t even let me try Nick. All you want to do is destroy me. Like you
said, ‘get rid of me for good’ and I have way too much to live for to let you
take that from me.”  Mickey says to Nick pleading for him to understand. His
alter had to understand that they couldn’t live like this. But before he can go
on and continue on that was when they were interrupted by someone they didn’t
expect to see.
“Mickey?” The person said and Nick turns around with his eyes wide open.
Chapter End Notes
     So that Happened. Who do you guys think is calling for Mickey? Hmmmm
     sorry I had to put a cliff hanger in there. i hope you still love me
     xoxooxoxoxoxo
***** The Power Struggle *****
Chapter Notes
     So here's the next chapter I didn't want to leave you guys guessing
     who walked in on Nick and Mickey conversation. IF i am not minor
     trigger not so much. Mention of past abuse is light here. But I can
     tell the next two chapter are going to be well heavy . Again love
     your comments and kudos and subscription. I hope you enjoy this
     chapter as much as I did writing it.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“Mickey?” Mandy says in somewhat of a curious yet concern voice, which then
alerts Nick that she was there and he jumps not looking towards the voice on
his right that called Mickey’s name.
What Nick didn’t know was that Mandy had spotted him down the Navy Pier and
started to walk towards him. She saw him and he seemed to be talking to
himself. She saw that he was looking at a mirror near the pier, but also
turning away and talking as if to someone else. Mandy was a little concern as
she got close to her baby brother, as he did not know she was walking towards
him. If Collin and Leah were right she wanted to be careful, but also not alarm
him as well. She read up on dissociative Identity disorder and saw a few
articles of people who had multiple personality disorder. But she still
couldn’t grasp her mind on the fact that this could happen to Mickey. Her
Mickey, her baby brother who she did miss talking to and being around with.
Mandy stood there staring at Mickey, and Nick just looks at the mirror keeping
his eyes on it and looking at Mickey.
“ I’m sorry Nick. I can’t help you now… You’re on your own with this one. Just
don’t hurt her again like you did last time okay? We need her, if there’s
anyone you can trust it’s her, and she won’t judge you or hurt you. Whether you
like it or not…we need her…please, for me please .” Mickey says to Nick. Nick
can tell Mickey was hurting, and that made his job difficult because one of his
main purpose in life was to prevent Mickey from hurting.
Nick eyes look down and tries to study the floor, as apart of him knew Mickey
was right. Even when he was younger he went to Mandy. Even though she didn’t
know it wasn’t Mickey, going to her and beating up some of the guys for her
when she asked him.  Just then as Nick was looking at the floor of the pier
Mandy walks up to him and views him. He looks different. His hair was spiked
up; he had two earrings on his right ear, one on top and the other at the
bottom. It appeared he even had eyeliner on that looked like he must have slept
in it, or didn’t clean it off his face right. His clothes were different tight
shirt baggy jeans, shit he even had black nail polish on.  
“Mickey?” Mandy says again facing him looking at him.
“Don’t” Nick says to her still not looking at her and turns away from her still
looking down at the ground
“Okay. Just tell me what you need me do Mick...I-I I haven’t seen you in long
time.  What do you need?” Mandy says to him in a soft voice
Nick looks at Mandy then looks at the sky and back at Mandy and says “I need
your help” he says firmly
“Okay… okay I can help you. We’re family. I don’t know why you think you can’t
come to me anymore. I’m your sister okay. Just let me help you.” Mandy says to
Mickey softly again.
“You are not my sister” Nick tells her firmly then looks away and sighs loudly,
and turns away from her face. She wasn’t his sister. Even though he would go to
her when he was younger, she rejected him a lot of the times. Even teased him
once or twice; he remembers all of that. Before they found out what Terry did
to him, it was bad for Mickey, and Nick was the one who was there for him.
Always no matter what, but did Mandy love him? He wondered if she did love
them.
“Why would say that? Why….why would you think that.” Mandy says to him in a
hurt voice. She was hurt, here was her baby brother telling her that he wasn’t
his sister. Why?
“Because….. I don’t feel it Mandy…. I want to…I want to know and feel what
everyone else feels. (Nick turns around and continues to speak to Mandy) To
know what it is like to have siblings and love them…. But I can’t. I don’t feel
it.” Nick tells Mandy and is looking at her dead in her eyes. She knows
somethings off, but it can’t be can it.
“Is that why you ran Mick… Why you said all that fuck up shit to me? Is that
why you haven’t been around lately or at all? Not one call, text or even an
Email? Collin said you were in the hospital but didn’t really say why. Just
said that you left; is that why you left the hospital… Where have you been
Mickey” Mandy asked and patiently waits for Mickey to answer
“Where I’ve been?” Nick chuckles slightly then continues to talk “Living my
life Mands….doing what I want, what I need to do... My own life… A life that I
never image that I could have… One where I ain’t got no one tellin’ me what I
gotta do, or how I gotta do it! I can do whatever I wanted… Be whoever I
fucking want… Shit I’ve had so much fun and let me tells you” Nick says and
walks toward Mandy and says “It was a fucking blast being on my own and that is
how I like it!”  Nick eyes were glass but he held his emotions in, not wanting
her to see how vulnerable he is.
Nick looks away and stares at nothing as he continues speaking to Mandy. “It
was like that you know…but then I found Ian….Ian, he’s my home…he gave me a
home… a place…his life… and if I stay here I loss him and I can’t fucking lose
him! If I leave I’m never coming back, ever!” Nick says to Mandy as he turns
and looks at the mirror and Mandy is now behind him.
“Why Mickey? Why would you think you had to leave? Leave us?  Look Mick if you
have fallen in love-“ Mandy starts to say but Nick cuts her off
“Mickey hasn’t fallen in love. I have damn it! … fuck!” Nick turns around and
looks at Mandy.
“Mickey hasn’t fallen in love, you have.” Mandy says in a curious voice and her
face displays a ‘what do you mean Mickey? You’re Mickey’.
“You know, (Nick starts to say and pauses for a slight moment) I was always
such a problem for Mickey… everyone fucking adores him… they love him…Yeah they
love him, they can only love him and not me.” Nick chuckles and continues
speaking. “You know that shit makes me fucking sick! But anyways Me, I’m living
the life... and at first it was all partying... sleeping around, doing what
every drugs came my way… fucking whoever I wanted. Dancing and living life
freely... (Nick chuckles to himself) you know? (He looks up at Mandy and gives
her a smirk and continues to talking)  So not like Mickey….(he then tilt his
head slightly to the right and squints his eyes at her and says) Then I
realized that you know you can’t be in this world alone, you know? You need
like help sometimes or some shit… (Nick then straightens himself up and looks
at Mandy again) See me and Mick were like the ying and the yang. Except Micks
the ying and I’m the yang...I got the sexy part of the deal.” Nick laughs and
turns away from Mickeys Mandy.
Nick simply shrugs his arms and continues on talking “Now, I don’t know with
him… he’s a fucking pain in my ass…but fuck me because I don’t know what to do
without him…I mean fuck… we been together for so longs I just… I just don’t
know you know? …I’m scared…fuck I’m actually fuckin scared.” Nick says it as if
he’s saying it to himself like if Mandy is not there.
Mandy is just looking on hearing her brother speak. “Bro… what are you saying”
Mandy says and she frowns and she furrowed her eyebrows at him.
“I’m afraid of being the person I am now.” Nick says still not looking at Mandy
and has his back to her.
Mandy for some reason has to hear it, she needs to know. Because right now this
shit just can’t be real, but if it is; she has to know. So she goes for it and
asks him. “Who are you?” Mandy says lowly. Nick turns and looks at Mickey’s
sibling, but doesn’t say anything and just looks away. It’s as if he didn’t
hear her.
“Tell me who are you?” Mandy demanded.
“It doesn’t matter (Nick shrug his shoulders and ignores her questioned) ...
you know I didn’t think I can love anybody…or that anybody could want to love
me.” Nick chuckles again but continues. “Till me and Ian got into that fight.
That was the first time we met… You know I thought he was playing hard to get,
but he was being an ass on purpose. But I didn’t get it. So I hit him and then
well the rest his history.” Nick says then looks at Mandy again and she has a
confused facial expression, yet a scared one as well.
“You know what, it’s getting too complicated, long story short shit happens and
I’m here. So you know what, Ima just go cause I don’t want to repeat none of
that shit.” Nick says and he’s about to leave but then stops when Mandy speaks
to him.
“Wait please Mickey, tell me something!” Mandy pleads to him and continues on
“You… you’re not Mickey are you?”
Nick turns around and looks at her as he says. “Nope… no I’m not” Nick says
looking at her.
“Who are you? Rather what’s your name?” Mandy asked curiously.
“Nick” Nick says and holds his hand out to Mandy. “Nice to meet you…Get it…the
name I mean.  Mick, Nick.” Nick says to her causally like it’s nothing to him.
“You’re an alter? So Collin was right?” Mandy says
“No I’m a person just like you. And everyone else and I thought you said Collin
didn’t tell you much?” Nick says firmly to her.
“Oh My God Mickey!” Mandy can’t help it but it comes out
“It’s Nick” he says firmly again looking at her dead on her eyes so she gets
it.
“I’m sorry Nick... I don’t understand any of this… How…how did this happen?”
Mandy’s loss for words. She doesn’t know what to do now. Her big brother was
right; Mickey is sick and is in front of her right now.
“Well shit happens right.” Nick says as if it was casual thing to always say.
“Why does Mickey need an alter” Mandy ask him trying to compose herself
“Are you really that stupid” Nick asks Mandy looking at her like she is.
“So when we were at the apartment you… it was you, you said that shit to me.”
Mandy says with anger in her eye and realization that she was angry at Nick and
not Mickey. It’s confusing of course but she just--
“Yes!... God. I wanted to hurt you... back then… but Mickey well; Mickey seems
to think we can benefit from you I guess. Saying we both needed you or some
shit like that.” Nick says looking away and walking a few steps away from Mandy
“Collin knew, he…Fuck that’s why- shit. When-when-when Collin told me and Iggy
we didn’t believe him, well I didn’t really. We figured maybe he was just
overreacting when you left the hospital and that you’ve been gone for so long
because, shit maybe you did take our advice and take a long vacation. Or that
maybe you were like fucking mad at us for some shit and just wanted to cool
off…because we can’t mentally…fuck!” Mandy says rambling on and it’s annoying
the hell out of Nick now
“Oh god…you are completely fucking clueless ain’t you... shit I’ve been me for
months almost a years in a way; shit a long time actually.” Nick says to her as
he thinks to himself gesturing in a way that he doesn’t acknowledge that he’s
there and is completely unfazed by Mandy’s reaction or anything really.
“What?”  Mandy says looking at Nick confused and shocked.
“Shit. Me running away when we were kids, spending money, running away again
and again, fighting, the tattoos, getting suspend in school. Shit I was having
fun since forever!” Nick says smiling to himself “Me and Mickey” Nick says in
amusement of how much fun he had. While Mandy looks at him with a ‘what the
fuck face’
“That was you?” She says and is silent for a few seconds but continues to
speak. “You can’t keep doing this. You can’t live Mickey’s life like this! You
can’t live your life like this!” Mandy tells her brother, not thinking and then
she thought maybe she shouldn’t have said it like that. If the information she
read was right, and if an alter feels like he or she is being threaten than
they can easily run. She didn’t want that, it seems like Nick had been running
anyways.
“That why I have my own life now… With Ian! … And I’m not gonna give that shit
up not for you not for any! Not now or ever!” Nick says loudly and firmly to
Mandy.
“Well don’t you think you need to go back to the hospital… you have to see the
doctor; I’m sure Leah can be there and Collin did say-.” Mandy says but she
didn’t get a chance to finish because Nick cut her off quickly.
“What! No way…So you can get your Mickey back... Fuck that shit. What you
people want is to integrate me… and No! I’m staying! You all just want me to
disappear!” Nick says and makes a gesture to her that he’s putting his foot
down.
“No No, I don’t want that Nick. Trust me okay. I can help you. I promise you,
you won’t disappear Nick. Your health-“ Mandy was cut off by Nicks out burst
again.
“Oh go the fuck to hell! Yah bitches don’t give a shit about me okay… Yah just
want Mickey back, but that ain’t happen.” Nick shouts at Mandy
“That not true… I care… I’m sure Collin does to and Iggy. I love you no matter
what. No matter who you are or what you are!” Mandy says looking at him. Her
eyes are widen and glassy likes she about to cry.
Nick looks at her and then looks away “No you don’t… Nobody loves me... nobody
but Ian. He loves me for who I am… not some boring asshole who lets his
boyfriend bully him and take shit from his sister and brothers. Not some
mechanic... no he love me!” Nick says to Mandy and turns around to look at her.
“Nick you’re my brother… I love you no matter what. I know what it means to
have a mental disorder you of all people should know…Having severe depression
with PTSD sucks, remember? Shit I don’t know if you remember when I was in the
hospital; but of all the people you guys know that.” They were both silent and
Mandy was looking at her brother and Nick was looking at her. Mandy had been
diagnosed early with depression and PTSD from being rape. She felt like it was
always her fault, and would be triggered easily by the dark and closed places.
It was hard for her, but Nick remembered that day. He was the one who found
her. She had taken a bottle expired sleeping pills and drank away trying to
numb the pain she said.  It landed Mandy in the hospital for 3 months.
Every day was a struggle for Mandy, but now. This was about her brother, she
needed him to know she understands how the world outside can look upon a person
with a mental disorder and judge them. Judge them without knowing them. Nick
would run and she didn’t want him to. But then again she knew she could not
push him either, because that would make him run faster.    
After a few minutes of silence Mandy began to speak again “You are a strong
person. I can see that now… You’re protecting Mickey from something that
happened to him years ago aren’t you. What those people did to him. He has to
know that Nick” Mandy says
“You think you’re so clever… there’s way more to it than you or Collin know…
More to it than anyone knows…That’s why you want to get rid of me. But guess
what Mendi (Mandy) you guys will never know what truly happened to Mickey as
long as I am here. You think those videos show it all.” (He walks up to her and
says in a low dangerous voice) “You have no fucking idea.” And then he walks
back and turns looking at the view in front of him
“Then what happen to him, to you…tell me so I can help you guys out” Mandy
demands
“I don’t have to tell you not a god damn fucking thing.” Nick says snapping at
her
“Mickey” Mandy says pleading and let slip out Mickeys name.
“Nick” Nick says firmly again.
“You have to get well Nick. Please I can help you, we can help you. Your
family.” Mandy says pleading to him
Nicks’ head was starting hurt and he places his hand on his head “I can’t do
this… this is too hard.” Nick whispers to himself but Mandy heard him.
“Mickey. Nick please I can help you.” Mandy says again desperately. But Nick is
shaking his head and keeps mutter something to himself saying no I can do it.
Leave me alone. Just over and over again with his hands on his head
“Nick” Ian says as he just walks in on the Milkovich siblings. Mandy is looking
at Ian with who the fuck are you face.
“Nick are you okay?” Ian says walking towards Nick completely ignoring Mandy
now.
Hearing Ian’s voice helps Nick and he manages to straighten himself out and
looks up at Ian “yeah.” Nick says looking at Ian now and smiles at him. “Lets
just go home. Please.” Nick says.
Ian nods his head and Nick grabs his hand and they turn to leave. Just as this
is happening, that was when Mandy spoke.
“No wait! Hold the fuck up?  Don’t go.” Mandy says. She had no idea who this
guy was but had a feeling it was the guy Nick was talking about earlier. This
is that Ian guy. She knew she was getting through to Nick, but now he closed
himself up.
“I’m taking him home” Ian says as a matter of fact.
“You don’t know what you’re dealing with here? We have to help my brother.”
Mandy says.
“Look I’ve been dealing with shit my whole life okay. I know what I’m doing,
and I’m taking Nick home.” Ian says firmly to her holding on to Nick.
“Please can I talk to you, look just for a moment. Look I don’t know you or
anything like that. But… but look you seem to like be a reasonable person, and
before I go fucking mad and want to kick your ass, can we please just fucking
talk.” Mandy says. She was hard-core and a very strong person, she had her
demons yes but she always managed get what she wanted. But right now she needed
to reason with this guy to get her brother to come home.
“No Ian please let’s just go okay.” Nick says.
Ian looks at Nick then back at Nick’s sister. “One you can’t kick my ass, I
don’t hit woman but my sister does, and two I will talk to you. But only for
moment then I’m leaving with him and we’re going home without you.” Ian says
firmly to her.
“No Ian please don’t” Nick’s cut off by Ian who then kisses him and says “it
will be okay alright…She can’t make me change how I feel about you okay. Me and
you… versus the world, remember. Hey and don’t go disappearing on me alright”
Ian says to Nick and gives him a reassuring smile.
So this is Ian Mandy thought to herself.  She looked irritated with this man
but also pleased at how he was so protective of her brother. Even if her
brother was not well, she could tell this man cared for him “My brother is
sick. Please, he needs help, you don’t know what’s wrong with him, or what you
have to do in order to get him well. He needs to get help.” Mandy starts off
saying to Ian.
“What? What is so wrong with him?” Ian says to her.
“He’s sick… he needs help... You don’t know my brother like I do okay. You
don’t understand about mental illness I’m sure.” Mandy started to say, and well
let’s just say that was the wrong things to say to Ian Gallagher of all people.
“First of all you don’t know me. You don’t know what I have been through. I
know about mental illness I’ve dealt with it before okay.  So don’t go fucking
assuming shit you know nothing about! You or your brothers know nothing
okay!”…Ian says to her angrily and is able to stop himself from becoming angry.
It wasn’t her fault, but she had no right to assume that he couldn’t take care
of Nick “…Look you don’t know Nick like I do. He’s full of life and so much
joy… He can take on the world if you let him… I know enough about Nick to know
he means everything to me…He is a real person just like me and you okay. I
might not know your Mickey. But he’s not my Nick. We want to be together. We
want a future together and I can take care of him. We want to wake up to each
other every morning, we want to travel, and make fucking stupid ass dinner
dates and random outings, and shit start of family one day maybe. But he is a
person okay just like me and you. There’s nothing wrong with him!” Ian says
looking at Mandy. She could tell that this man would protect Nick. A fire of
fight that literally burns in the light.
“He needs help… please” Collin now says and both Mandy and Ian turns around to
look at him in surprise. They had no idea that Collin was there overhearing
everything and view what was just happening.  It turns out that Collin was
going to meet up with Mandy and tell her what happens in New York. She was
simply walking towards the Pier to get some fresh air and clear her mind. That
was how she spotted her baby brother, and she had already told Collin where she
was going to be. So when he got there he would go find her at the benches she
always sat at.
“If he needs help I can give it to him… I care for him and I love him.” Ian
says firmly to the siblings in front of him
“And we believe you, but please if you love him… Let him go…. Let him get the
help he needs. Let him come back home with us so we can help him…If you truly
really do love him…leave him here with us.” Collin says to Ian.
And of course, Nick was overhearing everything and was getting more nervous
than ever. But this was Ian, he made a promise to Nick and he loves him more
than anything, but still, it made Nick feel on the edge.
“Ian!” Nick says from behind him.
“It’s for his own well being Ian, he needs help, he needs to be hospitalized,”
Collin says
“Are we going or not?” Nick says now grilling Collin from behind Ian. He was
pulling on Ian’s jacket now.
A part of Ian wanted to say yes I will help you, but then again Nick was a
person. Plus from what Ian saw, Collin and Mandy weren’t bad people that Nick
made them out to be. If it was his sisters or brothers Ian would want to help
them any way he could, but then would he take them away from the one they love?
How would that be right? Ian knows what it’s like to lose the one you love. And
in front of your eyes nonetheless. No he can’t do this. Nick is his partner
now.
“Yeah… Yeah we’re going babe.” Ian says and turns around and grabs Nick hand.
 Nick and Ian left and walk away hand in hand with each other. Ian held Nick
close to him, because the fear of losing him was very real now. Nick just held
on to Ian just as tight. This was his life, he needed to live it, Mickey, had
his time already.
“Fuck” Mandy says looking at Collin. “He really is sick.”
“Yeah and his alter is fucking annoy and stubborn.” Collin says pissed off now
because once again shit got crazy and out of his control.
“We have to do something, he can’t do this to Mickey, and that guy Ian…God what
do we do. He’s in love with our brothers alter or a part of Mickey or whatever
the fuck. I mean would Mickey know?” Mandy asked Collin.
“I don’t know, but I call Captain David. Turns out Ian’s a new rookie at one of
the precincts. He’s a cop Mandy and in a way he’s not breaking the law.” Collin
tells her looking at his phone trying to text Leah about what just happened.
“Shit so our little brother got himself a cop and a fucked up personality.
That’s just great Collin! Really fucking great!” Mandy says sarcastically.
“Really Mandy? Being sarcastic with me isn’t going to help right now. Plus,
look we have to get him to the hospital or at least convince Ian to let him get
some help.” Collin says now. “Nick is in charge and without Mickey this is
going to get worse.”
“Can’t we just say he’s ill and have him committed? … I mean it sounds harsh
but” Mandy says more to herself but out loud for Collin to hear her.
“Can’t, I tried that. He’s not really a danger to other, or himself for that
matter. Plus the courts said apparently they would need proof. We gave them
proof, but since he’s not a real danger to society he’s okay to live his life.
We have no consent from Mickey saying if he were ever to get sick that we would
be in charge of his well-being. So even if we did say he was sick, all Nick has
to do is put on a show for the court system saying his Mickey and then we would
be fuck.” Collin says dryly
“What the fuck seriously?” Mandy says looking at her brother shock.
“Yeah, all he has to do is lie and say he’s Mickey and say he wants nothing to
do with us. Making us look like we’re harassing him…” Collin says with a sigh
“Come on lets follow them at least. Ima call Colt, see if he can help figure
something out.” Collin says to Mandy.
“What? You sure that’s a good idea? From the way Nick talked about him and it
was somewhat brief, but you can tell he hates him. And you know I don’t care
for him at all. Plus since it was Nick I was apparently talking to all those
months back in Mickey’s apartment.  He doesn’t like Colt, at all, which means
me and him have something in common.” Mandy says. She wasn’t sure that calling
Colt in was a good Idea. She didn’t like him at all.
“Yeah but maybe he might be able to get through to Mickey, if he talks to Nick.
I’m out of opinion here really Mandy.” Collin says as he was dialing Colts
number.
“I have a bad feeling about this already.” Mandy says to herself and walks with
Collin as he’s on the phone with Colt.
************************************************************************************
Nick was walking ahead of Ian as if nothing just happened, and Ian had enough
of it. He needed to know everything. Everything about Nick, his past and what
he did and what he was hiding. Because now Nicks’ family was becoming more
involved now and is trying to make him get help. Plus they were his brother and
sister and Mandy seemed like she cared about him, he overheard her telling him
that. So Ian couldn’t understand why Nick said that they were bad horrible
people. It made no sense to him. And as much as Ian wanted to help; Nick needed
to tell him what he needed to know first.
“Nikolai” Ian says to Nick, but he doesn’t respond to Ian. Nick is just walking
happily so Ian decided okay lets’ try something else to get his attention.
“Look babe, look what I got. We’re going to enjoy this, well rather I am” Nick
says holding up a bottle of vodka and rolled up joint in his hand.
“Mickey!” Ian shouts to Nick.
Nick stops dead in his tracks and then slowly turns around with his eyebrows
raised up high and looking at Ian as he speaks “Why did you call me that?” Nick
says and sounds pissed off.
“It’s your real isn’t?” Ian says sarcastically to him “... And I need to get
your attention.” Ian says to Nick seriously now.
“Well you got it.” Nick says seriously back glaring at Ian now, pissed off
“What do you want?” Nick said with a hiss of venom in his voice to Ian.
“I want you to stop running… stop acting like this is not big thing because it
is Nick. I need you to be honest with me right now!” Ian said eagerly to Nick.
“So My crazy ass family is trying to change your mind about me already Ian? Or
have they already controlled and mole that shit into your fucking head already
about me being crazy and needing help? Huh?” Nick says and Ian frowns at Nicks
words to him.
“Look I can’t do this anymore… I have never pushed you for any kind of answer
before. But now I want some. No fuck that I deserve something!” Ian says to
Nick.
“What’s the problem Ian?” Nick says to Ian annoyingly because he was done with
this shit already.
“The  problem  Nick! … The problem is that I’ve spent my life with you for
almost a little over a year and I get no explanation or anything. I’ve had to
look for you in different places when you disappear, we just got hitched
because well fuck were fucking crazy ass idiots okay.  I have fought with you
about stupidest shit and you still can’t be honesty with me.” Ian says.
Nick rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head at
Ian “You knew the situation ight… You knew I had secrets, I didn’t tell you
that I was perfectly okay. (Nick is pointing at Ian now as he spoke) You knew
it even when I told you about Mickey. You even knew it before you found out
about Mickey. You knew...(Nick backs up a little from Ian still looking at him
as he spoke to him) and now you wanna what?  Negotiate or some shit… Come the
fuck on Ian! What do you want me to say?!” Nick says.
“The fucking truth! Look I love you. I have dealt with a lot of crap to be with
you Nick. Look enough is enough… I am not going anywhere until I get some
answers out of you.” Ian says firmly to Nick.
Nick takes another step back, looks at Ian up and down and makes a face and
turns around not looking at Ian. “What? We get married and you think you can
order me around.”  Nick says and takes a few steps forward before turning
around quickly and shouting at Ian “WHY ARE YOU DOIN THIS!” Nick screams out,
wanting Ian to stop right now because this shit was too much to bear at this
moment, his emotion where everywhere and he needed to control them.
“Because Nick I love you…I want a life with you… because every fucking time you
lie to me about shit…you (Ian points at Nick at the same time speaking) fucking
ruin any chance we have to be with one another Nick…. Fuck, can’t you see
that.” Ian says with urgency in his voice. His eyes are glassy and yes, he was
emotionally drained because having the one person you love not tell you the
truth hurts. Keeping the truth away from the one you love and not having them
trust you, hurts. Plus Ian didn’t want Nick to bare all of it on his own.
Nick was silent for a moment before he spoke. His eyes were glassy as well, but
he be damned if he let a tear shed and let his walls come down. “You know what.
I told your stupid fuckin freckle ass I was trouble didn’t I… I fucking told
you I would ruin your life… that I would somehow-I don’t know manage to fuck
you up, and everything else. But you didn’t listen to me.” Nick says to Ian
looking at him face to face.
“And I told you I want a life with you,” Ian says to Nick slowly.
“I can’t do this shit right now…I go to bed every night scared that I’m gonna
disappear and never see you.” Nick says to Ian then continues a few moments
later. “That I wake up and I’m living another life without you,” Nick says
walking away from Ian and moving his hand through his hair trying to figure out
how they got from where they started at, to here right now. It became harder to
control how he felt for Ian when he met him, and now Nick is stepping on terror
that is dangerous for him. Letting Ian is full will surely be disastrous. He
can’t do that, not to him and not to Mickey.
Nick is brought out of his train of thoughts when he hears Ian speak to him.
“Is that why you hide and you lie Nick…Is that… fuck Nick you're scaring me”
Ian says because he really is scared of losing Nick as well.
Nick turns to look at Ian and shakes his head no as he speaks to him. “No! No-
no-no Ian please don’t. Don’t leave me. Don’t be scared of me-please.” Nick
says quickly and emotionally to Ian. Nick was at the point of tears now and it
was hard to keep them in.
“I’m your life. I’m you’re everything… but even I’m worried about you” Ian says
to Nick lowly as they stand close to each other.
“Worried about what?” Nick says sound small and raising his eyebrows up at him.
“You move in your sleep at night and cry sometimes.  You think I don’t notice
or know, but I do… It’s your sanity baby… I’m afraid ….I want you to be real so
badly” Ian says.
“I am real Ian.” And at the same time, Nick’s eyes start to sting.  “Please,
you have to believe that,” Nick says with tears coming down his face. Now he is
crying because the one person he loves in the whole world thinks the worst of
him.
“You better be, because I need you,” Ian says looking at Nick and trying hard
to not let the man he loves see him cry. If Nick needs Ian to be strong for him
than so be it. “Our family needs you to be real Nick. Me, Debbie and you… Us
together starting something. Shit, Debbie’s like an added bonus.” Ian chuckles
at that last part, but Ian said it with so much heart in his voice that it made
Nick tears fall down even more.
“O-Our family… it that what you think of me… as your family? Me?” Nick says
choking on tears.
Ian cups Nicks face with his right hand and said “Of course I do...What? You
think our time meant nothing or that this means nothing to me or you” Ian says
holding his left hand showing his wedding ring. “Nick we love each other so
much we found each other in this big fucking world. With our fucked up lives
and shitty as family…I found you. We found us. I need you to be honest with me
now more than ever if this is going to work at all.” Ian says honestly to Nick.
“I love you. So please; isn’t that not honest enough for yah?” Nick says to Ian
with pleading eyes.
“No…Damn it, Nick, what are you running away from…What are you hiding from that
you can’t tell me? What is it that’s making you too scared to be honest with
me? Me of all people! Please, Nick, tell me…Tell me what is eating at you
inside about Mickey that you can’t bear with. Let me help you babe” Ian says to
Nick.
Nick gets up and walks a few steps away from Ian. “You don’t get it Ian….A
perfect family wasn’t something I had… Never had a home you know…I had a fucked
up dad, I had no mother. I had brothers and sisters who were there but never
were there for me. They were never home and always so absent even when they
were home. When everything was happening right in front of them…it was as if
they turned away from me and left me…Like we were nothing. Just extra space I
guess.” Nick says and his eyes were heavy and glassy as he looks at the sky
above him.
“Sounds almost like every house on the south side of Chicago,” Ian says absent
minded
“Well you didn’t have to live my life…..” Nick says but was silent for a
moment. He remembered what it was like living with Terry. Going to those houses
or hotels, being recorded, being humiliated, touched, tortured, hurt beyond any
ones though, and Terry. Fucking Terry!  He dealt with it, not Mickey. Mickey
couldn’t handle it so Nick did. He protected Mickey even now, because that is
what he does.
“So tell me” Ian demands
“Yeah, you want to know huh? Well okay…sure why not” Nick says sarcastically
then his expression on his face turns blank. Then he speaks “So it is a
somewhat fuck up world you know. Yeah, a fucked up world... If you didn’t fight
for yourself you were taken alive. Eating away, and miserable; death would be
easy for most people. Except….except imagine you are alive but in a big black
hole. One that you couldn’t get out of.” Nick says staring at nothing.
“A lot of kids like us felt that way Nick,” Ian says in response to him.
Nick shakes his head sadly and frowns “Yeah well not like……hmph… Not like
this.” Nick sniffs and shook his head. It was as if now he was remembering his
past. Going into another world speaking to himself yet still speaking out loud
to Ian.  “You know you do what you have to do to in order survive... Just to
survive and stay in control. And then you're surprised that one day…that one
fucked up day Mickey is in that big black hole curled up all alone. He’s
screaming like literally screaming, crying wanting for it to stop. Wanting for
someone to help him and rescue him. He’s you know, all alone, no one to take
care of him, to find him or help him from….” Nick chuckles dryly and shakes his
head and continues while staring at nothing and talking. “He prays, prays for
strength and Mickey tries so hard, so fucking hard to be strong but he can’t.
He’s scared and he doesn’t know what to do…He imagines this, this person…this
helping hand that reaches into the darkness of the black hole he’s in.  A hand
that’s like his you know, but only  stronger, more tougher, more fierce !
Someone who can fight the demons and take the bad people away.” Nick says and
reaches his hand out and clenches his fist as he says these words to Ian.
“He created someone… (Nick laughs quietly), he created someone to fight those
battles he can’t win…. The ones he can’t face alone.”  Nick says and turns to
look at Ian now. “That perfect Mickey everyone loves and cares so much for
creating a not so perfect Nick… Yeah, he created me.” Nick says Looking at Ian
stone cold in his face as if he was challenging him.
“So Mickey created you,” Ian says repeating the same words Nick said to him.
He’s taking in all this information all at once. WOW!
“You heard me! I didn’t stutter, I didn’t whisper it or anything! You know what
it is. You know what it means okay!” Nick says to Ian in a defeated yet
fighting tone of voice. His face was emotionless, he was holding back his
emotions from Ian and right now he had to because it was the only thing he knew
how to do. Which was to protect himself, but to also and always protect Mickey.
Ian is still processing all this information and has to say it out loud so it
can be real. “You’re not Mickey…You’re Nick. So you split to another person?”
Ian says to Nick trying hard to figure out what he was saying to him still.
“Well fuckin great for you Ian! Someone, please give the man a fuckin prize.
(Nick says sarcastically)  Call it what you want Ian. Multiple personalities,
D.I.D. Say it fully why don’t you! Dissociative. Identity. Disorder. Call it
fucking crazy or whatever the fuck you want! That’s it, man… Mickey is the body
and I’m just fuckin squatting here man... face it! You feel in love with a
ghost. A nobody I guess. I’m not even real…happy that’s the truth Ian, that’s
what you want to hear… You fucking happy now! Hmph!”  Nick says raising his
voice at Ian like it was nothing to Ian, but Ian knows what Nick is doing.
“So you are really two people?” Ian asked
“Yeah well, two for one special from what we know. That’s like the like the
fucking happy meal with a toy or some shit right… you fell in love with a
basket case man” Nick says to Ian like it was nothing, but inside it was
hurting him.
“Don’t talk like that” Ian says to Nick firmly
Nick looks at Ian now and does a double take before he speaks “Like what Ian!
Face it, man, you were taken for a ride, Ian. The fact of the matter is you got
the reject. You got me unfortunately okay.  The fuckin short end of the fuckin
stick dude. You were the guy that got on the bus and was taken for a ride man.”
Nick says to Ian. Nick was trying now to push Ian away, so that way Ian
wouldn’t wake up one day regret everything, and regret him for that matter.
“I said stop fucking talking like that….Did you know? Or did you not know?” Ian
asked Nick.
“It does matter Ian, you fell in love with a ghost. Someone who does exist
okay; I’m not real, you can go and fuck off and do whatever you want now.” Nick
says sadly about himself. This was it… nothing last forever with him. All
because of fucking Mickey…who was he kidding, it was all because of him and
Mickey.
“So you’re really Mickey?” Ian asked
“Yup! Nick, he’s just a fucking tool man. He causes too much trouble for his
own good. He’s a fucking jerk that doesn’t even deserve to live.” Nick says
about himself and looks away from Ian.
“I told you not to talk like.” Ian says more firmly at Nick than before.
“It does matter what the fuck I say okay… I hate this shit ight…. So you know
what? Why don’t we just call it as it is okay? You leave and go your way and I
go my way. Fuck it all Ian!” Nick says and goes to turn and leave but then-
“No this is not over Nick.” Ian says while grabbing Mickey/Nick before he can
turn around and leave. Nick was good at many things and disappearing was one of
them. That Ian was sure of.
“Look Ian…I’m not your responsibility okay. You don’t have to do this. None of
this it’s okay.” Nick says to Ian looking away from him now.
“I’m not just gonna let you walk out of my life like you’re nothing to me.” Ian
says
“Come the fuck on Ian. You don’t want me okay. Let just cut our losses here and
now.” Nick says pathetically with no heat behind his voice. Trying to get Ian
to fight with him right now was hard. It would be better if they just went
separate ways, so that way they can break this all off. So that Ian didn’t have
to deal with Nick, because he didn’t sign up for any of this.
“I never said I didn’t want you,” Ian says quickly to Nick with no hesitation.
“Oh yeah because having me who’s a nut job makes it all better right. It’s your
fucking wet dream right?” Nick says sarcastically to Ian.
“I never said any shit like that okay Nick. Think what you want okay. But I
want you. All of you okay. I wouldn’t leave you and you don’t want that.” Ian
says to Nick with a bit if a kick in his voice.
“Why wouldn’t I huh. Everyone leave anyway.” Nick says walking to the side of
Ian leaning on the wall now.
“Yeah well, not me. This is different, it’s complicated yes… but I love you and
you’re not a big fan of that, which I think is weird because you are in a way….
Or was I always just one of your one night stands or fuck buddies” Ian says to
Nick trying to tease him a bit and lighten the mood.
Nick looks at Ian surprised and shocked at the same time “Don’t fuckin say that
shit okay. You know damn well your more to me than that!” Nick says.
“Then why are you so set on trying to push me away… is it Mickey? Are you
protecting him and yourself from me? DO you want to leave and argue with me
now?” Ian asked
“No... I-I Don’t know okay, But I don’t want to leave you!” Nick says
“Then I guess we got something else in common right!” Ian tells Nick.
“And what is that?” Nick says to Ian.
“We both don’t want to leave each other and we both needed to know that.
Neither one of us knows what the fuck is going on, so let's figure this shit
out okay. Together me and you, us verse the world right.” Ian says while
pointing back and forth to him and Nick. Nick just nods his head and smiles at
Ian.
Ian leans in and kisses Nick. They stood there for a while kissing and holding
each other, being in their own little bubble. If the one you love was in
trouble would you not do everything in your power to try and help them? Be with
them, save them, and if by any means necessary protect them. But what if
protecting them is only causing them more pain. What if trying to keep them
safe and being selfish would lead to your own heartbreak? Could you or would
you still protect them, still try and save them. And yet still love them
knowing that loving them is what will cause your own heartbreak.
 
Chapter End Notes
     My work and school schedule is crazy this week. But I will promise to
     up load another chapter soon as I did write it but I need to edit and
     add more. Love to reading you guys comments. thank again xoxoxoxox
***** Say My Name! *****
Chapter Notes
     Hey everyone here's another chapter. There is some minor violence not
     that much. I hope you enjoy this one. In addition I love that you
     guys are enjoying this story. I can sometimes doubt myself with it
     and then I stop writing even though I have the next 2 chapters ready
     I still doubt myself. But any ways I love all your kudos and comments
     I do read them . Enjoy. Let me know what you guys think about it.
Both men were exhausted from everything, the emotions and physical aspect of
this night just drained them. They continued walking down the pier kissing and
hugging each other and were about to make their way back to the apartment. But
suddenly they were stopped.
“Nick?” Colt said curiously out loud. Collin had told him a few things about
the situation quickly and felt that maybe he can get through to Mickey.
Nick turns around with Ian. “Oh My Fucking God! Why can’t you people just leave
me the fuck alone already!” Nick says and Huffs out.
“Look I’m not going anywhere not until I talk to Mickey.” Colt demanded
“So I’m guessing they told you to right asshole.” Nick chuckles and shakes his
head in disbelief.
“You’re sick and you need to help” Colt says forcefully.
“Oh fuck you okay. You think you know everything but you don’t! Your just some
reject wanna be doctor who settled to be a piss poor fucking nurse okay. And
you have a long wait ahead of you aight. Cause Mickey ain’t here asshole, and
he’s not coming out.” Nick hisses at Colt. It was then that Ian decided to step
in.
“Look I know what’s going on here and I get it okay. At least now I’m figuring
it out but right now what Nick needs to do is go home.” Ian now says and step
in because right now no one was taking Nick away. He was going to figure this
out and help Nick on his own.
“Excuse me who are you?” Colt says Looking at Ian now.
“He’s my man asshole! You know, the who’s the bigger man than you, and in all
the right place to by the way.” Nick says with a smug look on his face.
Ian tries hard not to laugh and just smiles at Nick and half rolls his eyes at
Nick comment about him. “He’s right actually I am. And who the fuck are you?”
Ian says ready to actually fight this guy.
“I’m Colt. Mickey’s boyfriend” Colt says dryly
Ian raises his eyebrows now and looks at Colt up and down. Ian thinks to
himself ‘so this is Colt’.  “Look none of this changes the fact that Nick is in
charge and he doesn’t want anything to do with you. So we’re going home.” Ian
said not giving a fuck what this guy has to say. He didn’t like Colt from what
Nick told him, this guy was a really something else.
“He can’t be in charge, he’s got a sickness, he’s not real!” Colt says
frustratedly at Ian
“No I am NOT.” Nick says raising his voice now.
“Mickey created you…he going to be cured and all you’ll be is an aspect of a
personality. You’ll just disappear and be gone!” Colt was annoyed and furious
now.
Nick then steps in front of Colt and looks him dead in his face “Yeah well you
know what asshole! This aspect has a name, and his name is Nick. And you
assholes better get use to calling me that because the power struggle is over!
….Mickey is never coming back.” Nick says seriously in a very deadly
intimidating tone of voice towards Colt.
Colt figured he would play this game with Nick, so he decided to try and
befriend him hoping for the best at this point. “Look Nick. I would like to
talk to you. Me and you, we barely know each other.” Colt said softly to him.
Nick looks at Colt now. He tilts his head to the side and squints his eyes at
him and thinks ‘A complete 360? Yeah no this asshole is full of shit.’ “Yeah
you know what asshole, I have got some major problems with you and I’m sure you
already know what they are.” Nick says glaring at Colt and is making a fist.
“But here we are…talking” Colt replies back to Nick.
Nick then started to get a headache again. He put his left hand on his head
“Yeah whatever asshole.” Nick says as his head is hurting again.
“Nick, are you okay?” Ian says, Ian is concerned even more now.
“Why won’t you talk to me huh? Come on for Mickey sack.” Colt says as he is
trying to continue to get through to Mickey.
“Leave him the fuck alone okay, can’t you see your upsetting him.” Ian says to
Colt now getting in his face.
“No, he’s doing this to himself! He’s trying to stay in control. He’s trying to
keep Mickey away from the people that love him, who want to take care of him
and help him.” Colt argues back at Ian
“STOP IT!” Nick shouts between his teeth. Nick headache was lightening up, but
then pain of struggling to stay out was becoming overwhelming. Mickey was
fighting back and Nick was fighting just as hard back at him.
“No. His family needs him. They need Mickey, I need Mickey back, Mandy needs
Mickey back, your brothers need him back, and your god daughter. When’s the
last time you saw her Mickey. Remember her, remember Collin and Iggy.” Colt
shouts to Nick.
Nick was sobbing trying to fight off Mickey now. It was getting hard with Colt
reminding him of everyone.  But it was only making Nick more pissed off,
because he hated Colt so much. “ You heard him Nick. They need me! They need me
back, please. Just let me out, let me out so we can get help.”  Mickey says to
Nick. Nick is holding his head now with both his hands in pain trying hard to
ignore everything.
“I need Mickey, I love him and I know he loves me.” Colt yells out.
And that was all Nick needed for him to fight back, because in reality Mickey
didn’t love Colt and Nick knew that. How couldn’t he; he is Mickeys alter and
he knows Mickey more than anyone else. So Colt was being an asshole trying to
rile up Ian. “STOP IT! He doesn’t love you! My name is Nick… say it!” Nick
shouts out at Colt almost getting in his face.
“No I know you’re Mickey!” Colt shouted back out to Nick.
“SAY MY NAME! SAY IT!” Nick screams at Colt, just as Colt went ahead and grabs
Nick by his arms and that was when Ian steps in and shoves Colt away from Nick.
“Get your fucking hands off of him.” Ian shouted out to Colt. Just then 3
officers approach them along with Captain McCain, Mandy and Collin.
One officer grabs Ian from behind and pulls his arms behind his back and was
trying to restrain him. While the other officer grabs Colt and removes him from
Nick hold.
“Get the fuck off of me. I’m a fucking cop you assholes!” Ian shouts to the
officer behind
Nick grabs his head again because the pain is becomes more and more worse. He
kneels down to the ground in so much pain. “Somebody help me please!” Nick
cries out as he is holding his head with his hands. His headache is beyond
worse now. Just then the third officer goes and kneels down near Nick trying to
help him.
“You’re going to be okay sir.” The officer says to Nick and at the same time
Ian is yelling at the officer that is restraining him. “Get the fuck off of
me!” Ian then looks at the officer that is near Nick while still being
restrained by the other officer “You’re hurting him, get the fuck away from
him.”
“Mickey it’s okay, you can do this fight it! Mickey!” Colt shouts to him. The
officer was still restraining him not letting him go.
“No, no. Stop calling me that, that’s not my name.” Nick says in a low whisper.
Ian was trying hard not to actually put the officer that was restraining him on
his ass. He had the skills to do it, but being a cop he didn’t want to lose his
badge already. But Nick needed him as well, and seeing Nick in pain was hurting
Ian, he then looks at the officer best he can and tries to speak “Check my
pocket man, it has my badge okay. You have to let me go to help him.” Ian says
pleading to the officer.
“You wanted my life Nick! Well you got it okay! This is my life you have it
right here. This big shitty mess you made.  Look what you doing to Ian, look
even Mandy knows, Collin, Iggy; they all know! You can’t run and hide any more
Nick. You have to stop, how can you start a life like this with Ian huh? Look
At Ian! Your only hurting him. It doesn’t have to be this way Nick.”  Mickey
says to Nick.
Nick looks up from the ground “Yes it does!” Nick says in lowly
“What did he say?” Colt says still being held back from him.
“Yes it does have to be this way!” Nick says again to himself.
“What going on?” Captain McCain says as he approaches the scene.
“There was commotion over here sir, we came to check on it, and we saw these
two struggling and this young man seems to be in some sort of headache. The
paramedics should be here soon. And this guy over here says he’s one of us” The
officer says gesturing to Mickey as the young man, and Ian as the cop.
“Yeah he is. He’s a rookie, let him go.”  Captain McCain says to the officer
holding Ian.
“See Nick; the ambulance should be here soon. It’s going to be okay. We can
help each other now once everything is settled.”  Mickey says to Nick.
Nick eye widen and is shaking his head “No” he says still shaking his head
“You can’t do this alone Nick please. You’re not that strong, you’re not strong
enough to handle this on your own! ” Mickey says to Nick.
Nick is still shaking his head no “You wanna bet.” Nick says in an evil way.
Captain McCain walks towards Nick “Okay Mickey I called the operator and told
them to have the paramedic rush over here okay.” Said Captain McCain and then
he walks over to Mandy and Collin. But just as he was about to say something to
them, Nick then shoves the officer that was near him on to the floor and then
punches him in the jaw and grabs his gun from his holster and points it at Colt
and the other officer with Colt in front of him. “Okay so here’s the deal.
You’re gonna let me and Ian go. Were gonna go home and far the fuck away from
you fuckers! Or I fucking shoot this mother fucker.” Nick says to Captain David
McCain.
Ian looks at Nick shaking his head no
“Mickey” The captain says
“It’s Nick call me Nick okay, that’s my fucking name. Now let me and him go
home!” Nick yells out.
“Mick” Colt says as the officer releases him and now both officers had their
guns on Nick.
 “NO DON’T!” Both Mandy and Collin scream out to the officer. Both siblings are
now being held back from Captain McCain. They were worried that there brother
was going to get shot.
“Do not shoot him.” Officer McCain says to both officers “Hey Man it’s okay
alright. I just need you to put the gun down okay, let’s talk about this”
“Nick, it's fucking Nick you dumb fuck! I’m not your Mickey. He’s gone.” Nick
yells out to everyone and at the same time the Captain spoke.
“Okay Nick… look I just need to talk to you okay.” Colt says taking a step
towards Nick
Nick points the gun higher at Colt “No!” Nick says to Colt.
Colt stops in his tracts and does move towards Nick anymore. “Okay I get it. I
know your part of Mickey. I want you here with us. You know I love Mickey, you
know that.” Colt begins to say but then Nick cut him off.
“What part of No I don’t wanna fucking talk to you did yah stupid ass ain’t
get. Shut the fuck up now Colt.” Nick says ‘” Nick he needs me, they need me
please let me out’  Mickey says to Nick “Stop fucking talking okay… Get the
fuck away from me now.” Nick says as the gun in his hand is still pointed at
Colt.
“Colt Leave him the fuck alone before he shoots you, you dumb fuck! If he shoot
you and they shoot my brother I’m gonna fucking murder you. You’re only making
it worse! ” Mandy screams at him. She knew it was a bad idea to involve Colt!
She told Collin this, but he didn’t listen.
Colt of course ignored her. “Look at me Nick” Colt says again trying to get
Nick to see him and hoping Mickey would come back to him.
“No! Ian tell him to shut the fuck up! Stop talking to me!” Nick shouts out.
Colt tried to say something but Ian cut in glaring at Colt “Nick?  Baby look at
me okay…Look” Ian says to Nick, who did in fact does look at him now. Ian is
more closer to Nick so he decides to take a careful step forward to him at the
same time while speaking to him. “You don’t want to do this okay baby. I love
you okay. And I know you love me. I know that right.” Nick just nods at him
“Now everyone thinks Mickey’s the good one right. Well I know you…. I know
you’re good to….What they don’t know is that you are good; you just don’t want
them to know that right?” Ian says to Nick hoping to calm him down.
“Right” Nick said with tears coming down his face. He looks like a child at
this moment crying for help.
“My Nick, Well My Nick, he doesn’t take shit from no one. He’s a loud mouth
fucking pain in my ass who loves to fight…but this is not you okay baby.  Give
me  the gun Nick.” Ian says and places his hand out in front of Nick. “Nick
please give me the gun.” Ian says again and pleading with the man he loves to
give him the gun so nothing would happen to him.
“I am good Ian…They have no idea that I am…I am good.” Nick says out sobbing
while handing the gun to Ian. Just then one office and Captain McCain come from
behind Nick and place handcuff on him.
“NO-NO Ian tell them! Stop! Tell them to stop! NO-No Get the fuck off of me!”
Nick yells out and is fighting, just then the ambulance came and two paramedics
come to the scene.
“You don’t have to do that him” Ian says helplessly as he see them holding Nick
down and restraining him.
They place Nick on the stretcher and put him in the ambulance as he is
screaming and literally kicking.  Ian then runs to the car and drives off
behind the ambulance not giving a fuck about traffic laws at this point, or
caring what he left behind.  It’s going to be a crazy fucking night., and he
just knows it is.
*************************************************************
Nick is screaming and yelling at everyone at this moment as they bring him in
to the hospital. Cursing at all the doctors and nurses out, he was trying hard
to remove himself from the restraints they had put on him while he was laying
on the hospital bed.
“LET ME GO! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME! GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS THING! Get this
the fuck off of me. IAN… IAN… IAN!  Help me! Tell them I’m okay tell them I’m
fine.” Nick says to Ian who is trying to calm Nick down but is failing at the
moment.
“It’s going to be okay I’m gonna get you help.” Ian said to Nick in a rush.
“Mickey please just calm down.” Captain McCain tells Nick
“Fuck you that not my name you assholes ITS NICK!” Nick yells at him and spits
at him at his face.
“Mickey please!” Collin tries to say but Nick it’s not having any of it.
“Don’t fucking call me that name asshole! You know why this is happen so fuck
you! I’m Nick, Not Mickey! Nick! Now get this shit off of me.” Nick yells at
Collin while he was trying hard to get his hands and arms free.
“Nick okay, okay we’ll call you Nick. Please just calm down.” Collin says but
Nick ignores him.
“Can someone give him something to calm him down” Captain David says to some of
the nurses.
“Were going to take care of you” a nurse says from behind Nick
“GO TO HELL this whole fucking place can fucking riot in hell for all I care!
LET ME GO! FUCK!” Nick yells even louder
“Please give him something to calm down” Collin says while next to the Captain
“No! No please Ian! Don’t let them take me please! Please don’t let them give
me anything. You Promise me you would never let anyone hurt me! Please Ian!
Don’t let them take me away!” Nick says shouts out in a burst and pleading with
Ian to do something if not anything right now.
“Nick” Ian tries to talk but then is cut off by Nick
“No Ian you don’t understand, there going hurt me! Stop them! Ian help me
please don’t let them do anything to me PLEASe!” Nick is hysterical yelling and
trying hard to get out with tears in his eyes. “Does anybody around here
fucking listen!” Nick continues and refuses to go down without a fight.
“Nick it’s going to be okay alright, it’s going to be okay” Ian tries to tell
Nick to try and calm him down because he doesn’t realize he’s making things
kind of worse for himself.
“Untie ME NOW! UNTIE ME! Please tell them I don’t need to be locked up” Nick
says yelling as he is being rolled in on a stretcher with restraints on down
the hall.
“Sir you need to relax” one of the nurse said to Nick
“SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!” Nick snaps out at the nurse yelling at her.
“Mickey” The captain shouts out.
“FUCK YOU! Nick! It’s fuckin Nick, does anybody listen. What the fuck.” Nick
yells at the captain trying to remove the retrains from his wrist and trying
hard to kick his way out at the same time.
Ian was about to say something when a female doctor walked near them she was
average height slender, dark brown hair with light brown eyes. “I can take it
from here” She says.
“Are you sure? He’s very strong and is verbally aggressive.” Someone says to
the Doctor
“I got this, what happened?” Doctor Jimenez says as she walks in and sees her
patient is in restrains and is fighting against it and yelling at everyone.
“He was at the Pier and talking, long story short. He pulled a gun out Colt and
then knocked one of my officers down, he lost it. I didn’t want to restrain him
but I had no choice.” Captain McCain tells Doctor Jimenez
“No you did the right thing.” Doctor Jimenez tells the Captain
“You wouldn’t know the right thing if it bit you in the ass you fucking
asshole!” Nick yells out.
“I need 20 milligrams of Haloperidol” Doctor Jimenez tells the nurse
“No! No. Ian don’t let them; that for crazy people. Please I am not crazy.”
Nick is begging Ian.  Just as Nick is talking to him the nurse give him a shot
“ouch you BITCH!” he said. “Don’t Ian please, don’t leave me!” Nick words are
slurring and his eyes are dropping down but he’s fighting the heaviness of his
eyes.
“Take him into the room.” Doctor Jimenez says and Ian tries to go to the room,
but she stops him “Family only sir I’m sorry.”
“What I am family!” Ian says and just as he’s about to say something Debbie
come in.
“Ian! Ian what the hell happen I got your voicemail. Where’s Nick what’s
happened?” Debbie says rambling on.
Just as that was happening Doctor Jimenez looks at Collin and says “what
happened?”
“A lot, Nick was at the pier and Mandy saw him and she was talking to him. Then
Ian came, and him and Nick left, but I called Colt filled him in briefly and
asked him to come by in hopes that maybe Mickey would come out. Then I don’t
know shit got crazy and out of hand.” Collin says.
“I told you not to call him! I fucking warned you Collin!” Mandy says she is so
furious with what just went down. She then turns to Colt who was there and
spoke to him. “Look right now He doesn’t need to see you okay. You set him off
pretty fucking bad, so just leave.”
“Okay.” Colt says annoyed at her and walks off.
“And you.” She walked up to Ian and she saw Debbie. She recognized her from the
dinner. “Right now you should just go home okay. You’re not doing anything good
with him like this.” Mandy tells Ian.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Ian says to her, he was putting his foot down.
“You really think staying here is helping him? He has his family here with him;
we’re not going to hurt him.” Mandy says to Ian.
“We are his family too you know.” Debbie cut in saying to Mandy. Ian wasn’t
alone and there was no way she was going to let her brother be alone here. The
Gallagher stick together.
Mandy snorted at Debbie “thought you didn’t know my brother, when I asked you.”
“Well your picture was faded and plus I know him as Nick, not Mickey. For all I
know he could have been running away from home and not wanting to go back. So
technically I didn’t lie. What I did was protect my family.” Debbie says with a
stern look on her face raising her eyebrows at Mandy.
Mandy simply chuckles and shakes her head. “Your feisty one aren’t you.” Mandy
says and just walks away and left the two Gallagher’s alone.
That was when Iggy walked in and saw his brother was in restraints and officers
near his door. What the fuck happened to him he was all he was wondering. So he
went up to Collin and notice two red head as well, but ignored them to see what
had happened. “Why is Mickey trapped up in a bed surrounded by cops?”  Iggy
says asking Collin.
“It’s a long story Igs. Mickey pulled out a gun on Colt and it fucking went bad
okay.” Collin says and Iggy overhead the tall redhead snort and say something
under his breath
That was when Iggy turned around and saw Ian. “Who the hell are you? Did you do
something to my brother?” Iggy asked
Ian just smirks he met all of Nicks siblings and he knows who this must be.
“You must be Viggo. No I didn’t do anything to him. Smart ass over here set him
off.” Ian says pointing to Colt who still hadn’t left yet.
That was when Mandy cut in and just had enough of the fucking blaming game.
“Look okay No one did anything to hurt Nick or Mickey or whoever the fuck he is
right now okay.” Mandy says out loud.
The Captain then steps in and approach the Milkovich siblings “Look guys I’m
going make sure that Mickey doesn’t have to face any illegal problems okay.
I’ll let you get this situation settled and I will handle the other stuff.”
Captain McCain says to them and looks at Collin now and spoke “Let me know if
you need anything kid.” And he walks off.
Iggy still wanted answers, he ignored everyone around him and asked his
question again to Mandy now. “That still doesn’t answer my question I asked
before. Who the hell are you and what do you know about Mickey?” Iggy says to
Ian and looks at Mandy “Mandy who the fuck it this guy and why is acting like
he’s Mickey’s boyfriend or some shit?” Iggy now says as he steps next to his
sister.
“I don’t know Mickey I know Nick. And none of you so called family member are
listening to what he’s saying or what he wants.” Ian says and turns around to
walk outside to smoke a cigarette. He lights up the cigarette in his hand
before walking out the door. He needed it now and didn’t care if there was a no
smoking policy.
Meanwhile while this is what was happening with Nick and Doctor Jimenez. They
were both talking in his room.
“Well Hello Doc.” Nick says laughing but continues to talk “First Mickey’s
brother now you, then that fuck head Colt. They certainly are callin in the big
gun on me today huh.” Nick says and rolls his eyes at her.
“Hello Nick.” Doctor Jimenez says to Nick softly but he didn’t say anything to
her. He just grills her with a pissed off look. He didn’t want to be here and
she knew that. She continues to talk when he doesn’t say a word. “Your safe
here Nick. You’re going to get the best and excellent care. I promise you this,
as soon as you feel up to it.”
Nick huffs out a laugher “Oh yeah you mean get rid of me and make me disappear
right?”
“Not at all…You and I both know you’re not going anywhere.” Doctor Jimenez says
to him and Nick is just shaking his head looking away from her. He doesn’t say
anything so she continues to try and comfort him the best way she can for her
patient. “We can start to work this out Nick. I don’t mean you any harm; you
don’t have to run anymore…And Mickey doesn’t have to keep anymore secrets.” Dr.
Jimenez says to Nick
Nick looks at Dr. Jimenez, shakes his head and smirks at her. “Ha…ooooh that
sounds really nice. But I know what you’re up to Doc!” Nick says and sucks his
teeth at her. “But it’s not going to work. I am never gonna give in, and just
so you know. No he’s not fuckin ready I should know of all people, and yah know
what?” Nick then sits up and looks the Doctor Jimenez in the eye and says “You
can take your fucking bedside manners and your fucking integration fantasy’s
and go fuck yourself, along with everyone else in this fucking place!”
“Nick, please tell me why are you so angry?” Doctor Jimenez asked Nick
Nick becomes emotional for a moment and his voice is small as he speaks to the
doctor “You have me tied down…I don’t like to be held down like this…You
fucking fuck are fuckin filling me up with knockout drugs! Why the fuck do you
think I’m fuckin pissed off…”
“Okay that’s fair enough Nick. Next question, what would make you feel not so
angry anymore?” Doctor Jimenez asked Nick
Nick looks at Doctor Jimenez and answers her truthfully “I wanna see Ian. I
want to go back to home with him. He’s my home, and I want our lives back. I
want a life with him.” Nick says and tears come out his eyes and he looks away.
All he wants is for Ian to be here, to not leave him. He wants him so bad that
it hurts to not hold him or feel him close.
__________________________________________
“Oh great….” Ian says as he walks outside for a smoke
“Didn’t they tell you to leave?” Colt tells Ian in an irritating voice.
“Fuck you man, I’m not going anywhere!” Ian says to Colt. Ian so wants to punch
him in the face and kick his ass. But then he would get in major shit. He can’t
do that right now. Not when his lover needs him the most.
“What the hell's the matter with you…You know how sick Mickey is? Why don’t you
get that? Nick is just an aspect of his personality.” Colt says angrily because
now he knows where Mickey has been this whole time. He’s been with some guy,
another guy that’s not him. Colt is beyond pissed.
“Ahh so what you’re a fucking doctor now?” Ian says sarcastically to Colt “You
know if you were thinking-“
“No if you were thinking he wouldn’t be tied to a hospital bed right now. He
would be with me home and we would be together!” Colt says with his voice
getting louder.
Ian steps closer to Colt. “Yeah well if you hadn’t come along he wouldn’t be
here stuck in a hospital bed with them fucking putting needles in his arm or
fucking shoving meds down his throat to calm him down.  Oh but No! You fucking
people are holding on to something he obviously doesn’t want!” Ian shouts at
Colt
“He is  Mental  ill.  I can’t believe it? What kind of person are? Someone who
would take him away from his family, from his doctors, from his support system!
What the fuck is wrong with you?” Colt says back shouting at Ian
“His support system!? His What!? Yeah okay, that some fucking support system
‘Hey Nick, be exactly what we tell you to be. Fit into some perfect aspect of
what the boyfriend and brother outta be and don’t even try and be who the fuck
you are just go and hide under a fucking rock.” Ian shouts out back
sarcastically. He was even more pissed off now more than ever, and this guy was
going to get it.
“We’re trying to HELP HIM!”  Colt yells at Ian.
“Help!? How the hell can you force him to be someone he doesn’t want to be? How
can you; you fucking asshole take advantage of him.” Ian says in a more deadly
voice. Yeah Nick did tell him what Colt try to do to Mickey. What Colt does do
to Mickey that no one knew about.
“What?” Colt said shocked at Ian’s tone
“Nick told me what you almost did to Mickey. How the fuck could you try and
force yourself on him. Huh. Drunk and all right, probably not your fault,
right? Does his brothers know you hit him when you’re drunk? I mean he does
fight back with you, but you always put your hands on him. Always starting with
him, even though I know he does kick your ass. But do they even know what you
say to him? The cold fuck up things you say to him.” Ian’s voice is more harsh
and he was making a fist as he is inching closer to Colt.
“Fuck you! You don’t know shit about my relationship with him okay. And beside
like I said, Nick is not a person. Mickey is a person. Nick is a fucking liar”
Colt spat back at Ian
“Oh I know plenty asshole, and Nick is a real person you dick! And that’s one
thing he’s not, he’s not a liar, he is real! He’s the realist person I know.
He’s real enough to fall in love, to make choices to do things.  He’s real
enough to want to get away from you and stay the fuck away from you.” Ian says.
“So you keep him away from his home and family-“ Colt says but was cut off my
Ian.
“If you knew anything about Nick you would know I don’t tell him what to do. He
does whatever he wants.” Ian says to Colt
“So you’re unequipped to take care of him and let him be loose….Look if you
truly care about him then go back to wherever you’re from. And leave him here
with his family, with the people who can take care of him.” Colt says to Ian
demanding him to listen.
“Fuuuuuck you mother fucker, you don’t know a thing about me. I can take care
of him. And you don’t fucking tell me what to do. Because trust me I can end
you and I won’t feel a damn thing about it” Ian says and walks back into the
hospital pissed off even more. Colt didn’t know him.  Ian always takes care of
the ones he loves. Not matter what.
“I’m not leaving without Nick” Ian says as he and Colt both storm in the
hallway, going towards the door to where Nick/Mickey was at. Collin and Mandy
stares at them, and just knew at that moment there was going to be a fight.
Debbie and Mandy had been talking. Debbie was filling her in on Nick and Ian,
and Mandy was talking about Mickey. Both sisters actually had a sense of mind;
too bad their brothers didn’t.
“You guys please stop it!” Debbie says to Colt and Ian who look at her at the
same time.
“For fuck sacks the both of you cut the shit! And I told you Colt get the fuck
outta here” Mandy says standing next to Debbie and that when they heard him.
“IAN! IAN! GET ME OUTTA HERE! IAN... PLEASE!” Nick screams out from the other
room as he heard Ian in the hallway.
Collin, Mandy, Iggy, and Leah displayed a worried expression look now, and
Debbie was somewhere in between worried and scared. Colt was upset and Ian had
a determined look on his face to just rush in and go to his lover.  “IAN!” they
all hear it again.
Mandy continued to speak when she didn’t hear her brother speak anymore “Stop
this, the both of you, okay. Just STOP IT!” Mandy says
  **************
Nick was in his room trying to scream for Ian, but the drugs were kicking in.
He was trying to so desperately to stay awake and call for Ian. The drugs were
making his eyes heavy and he was having a hard time keeping them open and
speaking.
“Ian” Nick says tiredly.
“Ian is not here Nick; it’s just you and me. I need you to stop fighting the
medication.” Doctor Jimenez says to Nick
“No. He wouldn’t leave me…..You can’t… You can’t do this…You can’t just…pump me
up… full of drugs like this forever. You can’t keep me away from my life…You
can’t…You can’t” Nick says slowly
*****
“You heard him, he wants me in there.” Ian says, but just then Doctor Jimenez
came out.
When Doctor Jimenez came out she was annoyed and irritated from the commotion
that was going on outside of Mickey’s room “Alright if this continues. I’m
going to have to ask you all to leave.” She motion to everyone including Collin
and Leah. Mickey was her patient and she was there for him, not them. Her
patients always came first, so if anyone was going to disturb her from working
with him, they simply had to leave. She didn’t care if they were family or
friends, her patient came first always.
“Hey Charlene can we see our brother now please?”  Collin asked her
“He’s resting now. I would like for him to get some rest.” Doctor Jimenez says
to Collin. It took a lot to get him to calm down and close his eyes. Nick
clearly was a fighter.
“I swear we won’t wake him up, we just want to see him.” Collin says instantly
“Fine but only for 5 minutes he needs to sleep.” Doctor Jimenez says
   ************
“He looks peaceful sleeping like this.” Iggy says which was an odd thing to
say. Mandy had filled him on with what happened. Iggy to say was pissed off yet
relieved that at least his little brother was safe now.
“You sound weird right now talking like that. Fucking sap” Mandy says smirking
at her older brother who flipped her off just then.  
“You know he needs special care.” Doctor Jimenez says seriously to the
Milkovich siblings
“We know…Money won’t be an issue for us. But we know he needs to find out and
it might break him.” Collin says.
“Yes and when he does. I’m going to need you all to be prepared for any
possible outcome. Meaning Nick can be permanent or Mickey and Nick can simply
turn into another alter as many individuals with D.I.D have been known to have
more than one alter. Also when he does become whole a whole person again, he
won’t be the same. He will be him just different him, a new him…a whole him.”
Doctor Jimenez tells them.
“Wait so he can have another alter? Not just Nick?” Iggy asked
“Yes” Doctor Jimenez simply says.
“I wonder who’s going to wake up now. Will it be Nick or Mickey?” Mandy says
out loud to no one particular. “Or maybe someone else then.”
Just like that, there 5 minutes were up and Doctor Jimenez asked for them to
let him rest. She didn’t want them to wake up the youngest Milkovich siblings,
seeing as it took her awhile to get him to calm down and let the medicine work.
She left to go tend to something.
The siblings walked out of the Mickey’s room and Collin made his way to Ian and
Colt’s view “Me and my siblings know you care about Mickey. But we’re asking
you if you both can leave. You and Colt.” Collin says to both men who look just
as irritated as ever. Just as they were about to say something that’s when they
all heard Mickey shout.
“MANDY! Help! COLT! ...COLLIN! MANDY! ANY BODY!”  Mickey screamed out from his
room.
“Mickey” Colt rushes to the door but Leah stops him.
“No you can’t. Please don’t go in there” Leah says in a rush.
“Why not Leah; he’s calling for us. He called for me!” Colt says desperately
“Nurse will call Doctor Jimenez please, she just left here. Look Colt, Mickey
is in a very fragile state of mind.  We don’t want to do or say anything that
will bring back Nick okay. Even if that is Mickey we can’t be so sure right
now.” Leah says to Colt. She honestly didn’t want him to go near her brother in
law. She like Mandy agreed that they didn’t like Colt.
“But that Mickey in there.” Collin says to Leah
“Yeah and if it is, we need to make sure he stays that way.” Leah says.
Collin walks away from the door and was confused and upset. Colt looked
defeated but knew she was right. He went up to the window of Mickeys room and
lean against it. He wanted to see him.  Just then Doctor Jimenez came down and
she went straight into the room, not wanting to hear anyone or see anyone but
her patient.
“Hey Nick” Doctor Jimenez says cautiously.
“It’s Mickey…How long have I been here?” He asked her
“Not long. You were admitted a few hours ago. Do you remember anything?” The
Doctor asked Mickey with a small smile on her face.
“A few things, but umm. It’s kind of fuzzy, all of it really.” Mickey says
“Okay I’m just going to do a quick examination on you and then I will let your
family know you’re okay alright.” She says to him
“Okay.” Mickey says lowly
____________________________________________________________________________________
When the doctor finishes doing her exam on Mickey, she walked out the door and
closed it right behind her.
“How is he?” Collin asked first.
“Well Mickey is back, but he’s struggling hard to stay right now. He’s resting
but he shouldn’t be alone for anything in the near future. Not until we start
treatment.” Doctor Jimenez says to the Milkovich siblings
“No course not we will make sure.” Collin says with no hesitation.
“Can we do something for him, what does he need?” Mandy asked.
“He’s going to need to have tones of psychotherapy; we’re going to have to get
the exact cause of trauma first in order to determine a course of action. With
that being said, we have to tell him what happened, and he has to want to
remember or at least fight to want to remember. If not then he’s not going to
get well.” Doctor Jimenez says to the Milkovich siblings.
“But I thought telling him what happened would cause Nick to come back out.”
Collin says to Dr. Jimenez.
“Yes that is why he has to start on therapy right away. In therapy is when I
can do my session with him and slowly but surely have him remember what
happened to him. We can’t just tell him everything all at once that would be
total chaos.” Jimenez says.
Colt then went up to her, he came out of nowhere “Doctor he’s been calling us
can we go see him?” Colt asked
“Well Yeah sure you can, just be scares with him.” Doctor Jimenez says.
And all Colt did was nod his head and walks in Mickey’s room. Just as Iggy,
Mandy and Collin along with Leah were about to go into the room with Colt, Ian
spoke up.
“Wait. What about Nick?” Ian says out loud. No one knew about him and Nick
statues and right now he was on the edge.
“The goal is to merge both personalities together.” Leah says to him and Doctor
Jimenez nodded in agreement.
“Yeah I know that okay I get that, but is he even going to remember me?
Remember anything about us” Ian says sadly.
“We don’t know. Most likely yes; but then again when we help Mickey merge with
Nick, it will be then that we know who he really is. He can end up being more
of the Mickey most people know with some traits of Nick, or he can have more of
Nick’s personality and some of his old self. Or he can simple be a new person
altogether, because in the end he will be a whole new person.” Doctor Jimenez
says to the group and proceeded to go to the counter to talk to the nurse.
_________________________________________________________________________________
“I was afraid I would never see you again.” Colt says to Mickey and smiles at
him.
“I wanted to get back to you all so bad… every time I tried I just I don’t
know. I’m sorry.” Mickey says lowly to Colt
“It’s okay all that matters is that your back now. You’re here with us and with
me.” Colt says to Mickey.
“I need you all with me. I need you okay. Just don’t leave me.” Mickey says to
Colt.
“Well your family is outside; they should be in here soon. They were talking to
your doctor.” Colt says and smiles down at Mickey. Mickey smiles a little at
him and then frowns.  Colt leans in and kisses Mickey and Mickey kisses him
back. He put his forehead against Colt and then leans back on his pillow,
looking at him. Just then his brothers and sister came in and Colt walks out
without saying a word, letting them have their time together in peace.
Colt walks out of Mickey’s room and went right up to Ian. “You can see for
yourself now. He has a family, and friend’s and people who support him and love
him. SO why don’t you go back to wherever the fuck you came from okay.” Colt
says with so much hate and heat behind his voice.
“No. Nick has a family to. With me and my sister, and my other siblings who do
care for him. He has friends he talks to and hangs out with. So fuck you, I’m
not going anywhere unless he tells me to. Plus being that I’m married to him I
have every right to tell you to go fuck off.” Ian spat out and yeah so that
happened.
“WHAT!?” Colt says in shock and looks more pale now.
“Yeah he didn’t tell you. Well sucks to be you. I’m not going anywhere Colt,
and I’m going to make sure you don’t hurt him. EVER! Whether he is Nick or
Mickey you’re not going to hurt him!” Ian says and walks off because if he
didn’t he was going to lose his shit.
Colt looks puzzled and just walks off. How could Mickey let this happen he
thought. He wouldn’t even tell him he loved him or marry him when Colt
suggested it, but he lets his alter do it for him….
**********
Mickey was happy to see his siblings and was happy to know that they were there
for him. “Mandy! Iggy! Collin Hey! ...Leah hey. Where’s the baby?” Mickey says
has he hugs everyone and they hug him back.
“She with my mom, How are you feeling?” Leah asked him
“Tired, drained and confused, but mostly tired…look guys I’m so sorry-“Mickey
starts to say but he was cut off fast.
“No don’t you fucking dare okay. This is not your fault.” Collin says to him
“I’m feeling better already” Mickey laughs “Hey Mandy, Collin… you guys okay? I
know what Nick said to you both and I’m so –“ But again Mandy cuts him off
before he can continue talking.
“Shut the fuck ass face. I know okay. It’s all in the past it’s over and its
fine. Besides we’re going to get through this okay.” Mandy says to Mickey and
smiles at him as she hugs him so tight that he almost couldn’t breathe, but he
loved it.
“I don’t know Mands. Nick is fucking nutcase. He has a life all on his own.
He’s stronger and I hate to admit that shit.” Mickey says to her.
“We know Mickey. We know. It’s okay I promise it is.” Mandy says sadly.
“Okay” Mickey says in such a small innocent voice and looks away from her.
“Right now the doc said we need to get you right into therapy and that you have
to relax.” Collin says to him.
“Yeah. I just want to go home and lay in my bed.” Mickey says half up, half
asleep
“Let me see what Charlene says okay Mick” Leah says to him.
“Okay. And hey I want spend some time with Colt if you don’t mind. I ah I have
to talk to him, but I want one of you guys to be with me if that’s okay.”
Mickey says to his family.
“Yeah I can stay with you. Everything okay” Mandy asked worried now.
“No yeah it’s just…Nick hates him and I don’t know why…..…and the guy Ian?
Nick’s boyfriend…um is he here?” Mickey says trembling.
“Uh yeah Mick he’s here. Why?” Mandy asked him curiously.
“I just…I think I should talk to him. I should see him.” Mickey says. He was
drained and tired, but he needs to speak to Ian. To clear things up.
“I don’t think that a good idea” Leah says to Mickey
“Look I have you guys here okay. I know you think it’s going to bring back
Nick, but it’s not. I got this okay.” Mickey says to his family.
“I agree with Leah.” Iggy now says
“Well why don’t we ask the doctor okay” Mandy says to her brother
“Yeah thanks.” Mickey simply says
Just then a few seconds later Doctor Jimenez comes walking in. “So I understand
you want to see Ian Gallagher.” Doctor Jimenez says as soon as she step in the
room standing in front of Mickey’s bed.
Mickey nods his head as he speaks “Yeah” was all he said.
“Well I do think it might do some good for you to start facing that part of
your life that you have been burying or rather hiding.” Doctor Jimenez tells to
Mickey. “It will do you some good in my opinion.”
“So it’s okay then?” Mickey asked her again to make sure.
“Yeah but on one condition thought” Doctor Jimenez answers him.
“Okay” Mickey said and nods at her.
“I have to stay here while you talk to him, be in the room as you to have your
conversation. I won’t interrupt unless I feel it’s necessary.” Doctor Jimenez
tells him.
“Okay” Mickey says. He’s nervous and fixes his hair and his gown. He doesn’t
know why, but he’s nervous. The door opens and it’s him… Okay here it goes. You
can do this Mickey.
 
***** You Only know that You Love Him When You Let Him Go *****
Chapter Notes
     Please if you see any that I missed just let me know so I can fix it.
     Later everyone
      
     Again I love all of your comments and kudos and love. I lack the
     confidence in my writing but I'm trying to get this story right. And
     all my information is accurate, its personal story that needed to be
     shared. Any ways. This had to happen I can promise happiness later
     on, but right now no. But trust me, this story sure does have a happy
     ending.
     Again let me know what you think. I do love reading your comments and
     it does brighten my day that you guys like the story. xoxoxox
     everyone
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The doors opens and Ian appears in the room and just as she said, Doctor
Jimenez was on the side of the room simply staying away, but also observing
what was going on with both men.
Mickey looks at Ian for the first time, more in a sense that he really looks at
him. He notices a few things about him. Like how tall he is, and that he has
red hair, beautiful green eyes, pale skin, and freckles. He has beautiful
cheekbones and he’s well built. Mickey can tell. He’s beautiful and looks
innocent, but strong as well. And now it seems to make sense as to why Nick
chose to be with Ian. Well some of it anyways.
“Hey. So I take it you know who I am.” Ian says to Mickey.
“Um yeah. We meet a few times.” Mickey says to Ian. He is nervous and he looks
down at his hands and is fidgeting with the blanket. He has no idea why he is
so nervous around Ian.
“Yeah” Ian simply says and went to move close to Mickey, but Mickey was
uncomfortable and Ian saw that so he just stood next to the side of the bed.
“Look, I know that you care about Nick a lot.” Mickey starts to say to Ian,
because he didn’t know how else to start.
“I love him. I love you.” Ian says to Mickey so passionately that Mickey almost
thinks he believes him or feels it. It’s weird. This feeling, it’s like a
tingling feeling in his chest. But Mickey is with Colt and Nick was with Ian.
This can’t be.
“Ian. I’m so sorry… But you don’t know who I am.” He huffs out and continues “I
don’t even know who I am. The guy that you were with Nick…he’s not real he only
exist because I’m sick and once I get well. He’s not going be here no more,
He’ll be gone.” Mickey tells Ian and Mickey sees Ian’s eyes are becoming
glassy. It hurts Mickey to see that someone like Ian is getting hurt, but he
has to tell him the truth. He’s not Nick, he’s Mickey.
“Everyone keeps telling me that, but um you don’t know Nick (Ian chuckles
lightly)….. I’m sorry I’m having a hard time with this whole split personality
thing.” Ian says sadly his shoulders are low and he looks hurt.
“I know… I know. It’s new for me, weird even. None of this makes any sense
really. But I’m sorry…. it’s not fair to you…and I’m also sorry because I can’t
worry about that right now I-I I need all of my strength to get well and …
(Mickey sighs) and You’re making things harder…..When you’re around I-I get
weaker…. Please when you’re around...I just I can’t Ian… I’m begging you...
just...don’t try to see me anymore. I need you to” Mickey says but he can’t
finish. Why can’t he finish saying what he needs to say to Ian.
“I can’t just leave. You and I…” Ian see Mickeys face in confusion so he
rephrases his words “Okay Nick and I we’re lovers, he’s my best friend.” Ian
tells Mickey lowly and weak.
Mickey looks at Ian and shakes his head in frustration. “Look I told you, I
don’t even know you…(Mickey says a little more firmly) and I’m sorry as for you
and Nick. I … I just think that it would be better if you pretended that you
never met him. That you never met Nick, that you never seen me or saw me. Ian
I….I need you to leave me alone, I need you to leave!” Mickey tells Ian with
such sadness in his voice. It almost breaks him into pieces.
Ian nods his head and makes a chuckling sound dryly. His facial expression is
hurt. He feels like someone just came in and shot him through the heart… The
pain is so much that now his eyes are wet and his tears are coming down his
face.
He shakes his head “I see him in you… I see Nick.” He goes to touch Mickeys
face but Mickey moves his face slightly away from Ian. Ian takes his hand back
quickly and mumbles something under his breath. “He knows you know... Nick
knows I love him and he love me to…… But ah…I don’t want to get in the way of
you getting better, so um I’m just-you know I’ll go.” Ian says to Mickey in
such painful words that are coming out of his mouth. His head and heart are
screaming for him to fight. But it’s like he’s up a losing battle. He knows
deep down inside that you can’t fake that kind of love not matter who you are.
“Thank you” Mickey whisper looking at Ian and hoping that Ian will forget about
him so that he can get better and so that him and Nick can be integrated with
him. But when Mickey looks at Ian, it’s seems like he himself is losing
something as well, but he can’t figure out what.
Just before Ian goes to turn away he looks back at Mickey and speaks. “You know
there’s one thing I can’t do……” There’s silence in the room and both men look
at each for a moment and then Ian speaks again “I can’t just forget about you…
(Ian has tears coming down his face as he speaks) How can I forget about the
best thing that has ever happen to me huh?” Ian says and touches Mickey cheek
and looks at him sadly. Ian could have sworn that Mickey lean in to the touch.
He takes his hand away looks down and turns around and walks away out of the
room.
Mickey looks at the door as it closes. He can’t help it, but he starts to cry.
Tears fall down his face, and for some reason Ian’s touch felt so right, but
wrong as well.  Right now seeing him leave and telling Mickey he couldn’t
forget him makes Mickey heart hurt more. Why would he feel this way for a guy
he doesn’t even know? A guy, that Nick knows not him.  Here was Ian this great
guy that Mickey only knew through Nick and he dearly loves Nick. But that’s
something that Mickey can’t think about right now; because he has to get well
again. He’s with Colt or in a way is; he’s not even sure himself.  But for some
reason just as Ian left the room; this feeling of utterly incompleteness has
set upon him. He just sits there tears coming down his face and he’s thinking
to himself. He starts to cry harder and he can’t keep his emotions in check
because it hurts. That empty feeling just hurts so much.
What did you do?  But this time it’s not Nick saying it to him…It’s actually
Mickey thinking to himself. He puts his hands to his face and covers it. Wiping
the tears off, and resting his head on his pillow. He tells Doctor Jimenez he
wants to be alone and doesn’t want anyone to come in. Right now he just needs
some alone time.
_________________________
Ian walks out the hospital room and looks at Mickey’s siblings who are looking
at him sadly, except Ian won’t take their pity. No one looks down on at him, he
makes his way to Debbie who looks at him and grabs her brother and hugs him.
Ian doesn’t hug back, it’s like he’s cold and could care less about anything.
He ignores her not meaning to as she speaks to him. Right now at this moment,
what he’s feeling is as if someone came up to him, and ripped his heart out and
he actually feels what heartache feels like. It’s happening all over again.
 It’s like this tingly feeling in his heart that hurts. Making him not want to
breathe, or even move. It’s as if he’s on auto pilot. What do you do, when the
one you love is gone…How do you move on or get over that. Ian wants to fight so
hard but how could he… He looks down at his hands and then sees that no… There
no way Nick would forgive him if he gave up on him now…But then again, he did
always say that the only time he would leave was if Nick told him to leave.
This was Mickey telling him to leave, so right now. He was hurt confused with
the pain in his heart. It’s like losing Adam all over again, except it's worse
now.
Ian walks out the hospital in almost tears. Not knowing what to do or say. Nick
was gone, his Nick and Mickey didn’t want him near him at all. That’s what hurt
Ian even more; not being able to see him, not being able to hear his voice. Ian
makes his way to the car and Debbie was with him. He could hear her in the
background talking to someone it seems like, but he didn’t pay attention. He
didn’t care really. He got in the passenger seat and then once he was in the
car he broke down in more tears. He couldn’t compose himself anymore he was
having a hard time breathing. Debbie saw this and ran to the car and opened his
door. “Ian! Ian! Breathe please breath!” She says to him.
Everything came crashing down at once. His breathing became harder and heavier
and Debbie knew he was going to pass out.  “J-J-J-Just like Adam Debs…..I-I-I-
I-lost him.” Ian is barely making any sense and he couldn’t get a sentence out.
He gasps for air but it felt like he was choking, like the air wasn’t going in.
It was as if he was trying to breathe but nothing was coming in, just nothing
at all. If this is what it meant to die from a broken heart then he would be
okay with that, because right now that is what it feels like. He was getting
dizzy. Debbie was trying to calm him down, all he can see is her not the person
next to her. Debbie is trying to get him to breathe but he wasn’t doing it.
“I-I-I-I CAN”T” Ian says choking out and continues to breath heavier.
That was when he passes out. He heard Debbie in the background and someone
else, but it was dark now. So now he just wanted the world to be mute, he
actually hoped that when he woke up he would not be here, or that this was some
fucked up kind of dream. Only…..it wasn’t.
__________________________________________________________________
Debbie managed to get Ian home with the help of Iggy and Mandy. She was talking
to them at the hospital and when she saw Ian and in his state of appearance she
knew it was a bad. She told Mandy and Iggy she had to get Ian, but when she saw
him hyperventilating she ran to him. She thanked god that Mandy and Iggy were
there; they helped her get him home and up the stairs to his bed. She thanked
them and told them that they didn’t have to do this but Mandy insisted that it
was no problem.
“Thanks again.” Debbie tells Mandy and Iggy
Iggy shrugs his shoulders “It’s not a problem. Collin use to get like that when
we were younger. Panic attacks and stuff.” Iggy tells her.
“Yeah but Ian doesn’t get that. I mean yeah he did suffer from PTSD, but he
says he’s okay. He has been since he came back home…well a little after a
while, but he’s fine now.” Debbie tells Mandy and Iggy. She didn’t want to tell
them too much. Ian wasn’t really fine when he got home, it took him awhile to
get himself together. But he had his reasons.
“Home? Where did he go?” Iggy asked Debbie.
“Oh yeah, Um you guys didn’t know. But Ian was in the Military. He went through
some rough shit when he was deployed. But he never talked about it to me. Only
to Nick… well I mean Mickey your brother.” Debbie says sadly
“Oh um okay…sorry” Iggy says quietly.
“Nah it’s okay. I get it. I mean it’s not like I didn’t overhear him tell him
things. I always ease-dropped and let’s just say what I overheard him tell him.
I know why my brother doesn’t like to talk about it” Debbie says looking away.
“Was he happy? I mean here with Ian was he happy.” Mandy asked Debbie
“Who you mean your brother? …(Debbie smile widely) Yeah he was; Was even
looking for a different job instead of dancing at the club.” Debbie says
chuckling remembering how Nick was applying to different jobs and complaining
about how annoying it was that he had to go in a suit and tie to interviews
that he was sure he was going to get.
“What!? He was a dancer at a club?” Mandy asked in shock. Mickey never liked to
dance even when she tried to get him to come out with her to the clubs he still
didn’t dance.
“Yeah! Down at Boys Town, he was one of their favorites. That’s how he and Ian
met. As the story goes Nick hit on him, Ian refused and played hard to get and
I think they fought I’m not so sure, but they were hooking up ever since then
and one day Ian asked him out and he said yes. And that’s just the short
version of what I know.” Debbie says fondly as she remembers Nick telling her
the story with his eyes lit up like they always did when he talked about it.
“So you’re saying my brother was a dancer and he was happy here?” Iggy says in
like a question, but it was more of a statement.
“Yup! When I first met him; he was taking Ian to New York, Ian refused at first
but he said somehow Nick charmed him. Honestly ever since Ian had Nick in his
life, he’s been actually able to smile again.” Debbie says and there was a
silence in the room.
Just as Debbie was showing Mandy and Iggy out the door and thanking them again
Mandy turns around and asked her “Hey Debbie Can I ask you something?”
“Umm sure, what’s up? Anything.” Debbie says a little confused and unsure as to
what Mandy was going to ask her.
“Your brother, well Ian; he ah he said like Adam. Before he passed out in the
car, he just kept saying Adam, that he lost him while we were in the car. So
was he like cheating on Nick or something well my brother or…fuck this shit is
confusing.” Mandy says to Debbie now facing her with Iggy behind her.
Debbie smiles sadly at Mandy and Iggy “Oh No. Adam well…” (Debbie took a deep
breath and sighed) Adam was Ian’s fiancé. He was in the Military with him. He
died. That’s all Ian ever told me. No one in my family knew about Adam but me
and my little brother Carl. Your brother knows about Adam, well Nick anyways
but I’m not sure Ian told him either about Adam as much or his death. It was
pretty hard on Ian.” Debbie says sadly.
Mandy just nods her head and her face expression gave off sadness. She knew
what it was like to lose someone you love; especially to death. Iggy and Mandy
left and Debbie returned into the house and closed the door and was pissed. It
hit her right then and there. She too lost Nick who was like a best friend to
her. She was pissed, angry, upset, and hurt all in one. But right now her big
brother lost him as well. Plus they were married. Yeah she went with them to
the courthouse, and she was their witness. But fuck, a part of her knew
something would happen sooner or later. It’s just all fucked up right now.
____________________________________________________________________________________
While at the hospital Mickey was upset; Collin didn’t know why, and Doctor
Jimenez wasn’t saying anything to him. The whole doctor patient confidentially
shit sucked. Not even Leah could get Charlene to tell her what was wrong with
Mickey, but Leah knew, she was a doctor herself and told Collin to suck it the
fuck up. Whenever Mickey is ready to see people he will. He wasn’t able to go
home as he requested either, which Collin thought was the reason why he was
upset.
Dr. Jimenez felt that it was best for Mickey to stay a few nights in a private
room in the psych ward upstairs. He has his own room which wasn’t bad and he
could be monitored better. Plus he would be starting his therapy in the
morning. He didn’t know why but he felt sad since Ian left and couldn’t stop
feeling sad. He didn’t want to eat much and he kept waking up from flashes of
dreams or memories he didn’t know about. It felt like Nick was letting him
remember things about Ian, stupid things like how he felt when he touched him
or how his favorite color was blue, but he secretly loved purple. Who the fuck
loves purple secretly. Or how Ian didn’t like his eggs overcook when they were
over easy, or how when Nick made Ian pancakes he like it when it was crispy on
the outside just a little, or how Ian loved to lay on the left side of the bed.
Or how Ian always loved it when Nick would sing to him and play music for him,
or how annoying it was when Ian would get up every morning literally every
morning at 4 fucking am and go for a run, then come home wash up and cuddle up
next to Nick until he had to leave for work. Mickey was also getting flashes of
memories of him apparently more like Nick dancing on a stage with people
surrounding him.
Mickey had an overwhelming feeling, and of course he kept it to himself. The
first night at the hospital sucked balls so far, when the nurse came in she
notice he was up and he told her he had trouble sleeping. So she gave him
Nortriptyline to help him sleep. Let’s just say it worked and he was knocked
out cold. He would begin treatment in the morning.
                                 
                                                                                                                                                                        
Morning_____________________________________________________________________________
Mickey woke up feeling lousy and even more sleepy. He dreamt all night and even
though the nurse gave him pills to sleep, he still woke up a few times. In his
dream he was running away from a shadow and he was hiding away in a closet,
next thing you know it, he sees himself but only younger crying in a corner. It
was as if it was real, but it wasn’t. The nurse brought him in some breakfast
for him, but he still wasn’t really hungry. He went into his bathroom and just
washed up. When he was done he went to brush his teeth and when he looked up at
the mirror what he saw scared him again. He saw himself but not him, and not
Nick. He drops his toothbrush and tried to rub his eyes. Fuck he was going
crazy, on the contrary he is apparently but still. When he looks back at his
reflection it was him again. He heard someone come in his room, and he was
annoyed because he didn’t want to see anyone and the Doc wasn’t going to show
up for like another 20 minutes.
He walks out the bathroom and laid down on his bed looking up at the ceiling
just then Dr. Jimenez walks in and greets Mickey. He smiles at her and greets
her back wanting to get this day over with. “So Mickey how are you feeling?”
“How do you think I’m feeling Charlene? Tired, annoyed, uncomfortable,
confused, but mostly tired.” Mickey says numbly to her not really looking at
her.
“It’s normal to feel like that. I want to start you on hypnosis again, but
today I think we should talk about yesterday and how everything went down and
happen.” She says to Mickey
“I don’t want to talk about it. What’s done is done that was yesterday why can
we just start on the therapy and get this over and done with fast.”  Mickey
says quickly to Dr. Jimenez, not looking at her face when he says it. He really
didn’t want to talk about Ian or his feelings.
“Mickey you do realize that integration takes a while, not to mention me and
you are going to be seeing a lot of each other for a while. So you might as
well spill your guts to me now.” She says to him looking at him just waiting
for his response.
“Well what the hell do you want to know?” Mickey snaps out asking finally
looking at her.
“Yesterday after Ian left how did you feel? You completely cut yourself out
from your family, and you cried when he left. You told me not to send anyone in
and you even didn’t eat and I know you had trouble sleeping last night. It says
so on your chart.” She says to him waiting for him to cut the bullshit out and
be honest with her and himself.
“I don’t know… I was upset and sad okay. Ian seems like a good guy and I’m the
bad guy breaking things off with him. He is Nick’s boyfriend, not mines. Why do
I have deal with that, why do I have to tell someone that loves me or a part of
me that I can’t love him or that I’m not Nick! For Christ sack Nick isn’t even
real!” he snapped out to her
Charlene nods her head at Mickeys outburst. It was what she wanted to hear from
him She wanted to hear what he was feeling about everything. No bullshit, but
Mickey was wrong about something. “You see Mickey that’s where you are wrong.”
Dr. Jimenez simply says to him.
“What? What the hell do you mean?” Mickey asked puzzled from her response.
“Mickey Nick is real. He’s a part of you, no matter what you think and you have
to except that. Nick is a part of you, you created him for a reason, and you
have to find that reason out. He’s what I would call a protector. He’s the
alter that protects you, and for some reason he does things he thinks will help
you, that will protect you from harm. It’s why you created him Mickey, because
you weren’t able to deal with something so horrible in your past, that you
created him. He is very much real just like you and me. He is a person, but
he’s you.” She explain to Mickey
Mickey was silent for a moment and took in the information Charlene gave him.
What made it worse was that Mickey felt like he was a weak person, why that
fuck did he need someone to protect him and from what? Sure Mickey didn’t like
to deal with bullshit and even when he and Colt fought he would fight back.
Colt would however say things to him that made Mickey feel like he wasn’t worth
much. But even so, Nick didn’t come out when that shit happened to him, so what
the fuck is it. Charlene broke his thoughts when she spoke again.
“What are you thinking about now Mickey?” She asked when he didn’t say anything
Mickey breathes in and out and chuckles lowly to himself. He was irritated now.
“I’m thinking of why the fuck any of this happened to me. How the fuck can I
have messed up so many people's’ lives, even if it wasn’t me and it was Nick.
He’s a part of me like you said. But why would I need him! Why can’t I take
care of whatever the fuck happened to me and remember it and deal with it! Why
did I fucking create him!? And for what!?” Mickey says and is more upset now
then he was before.
“That’s what we’re going to find out Mickey, but you have to remember. It’s
going to take time and there is going to be a power struggle and you have to be
strong. Another thing is when we fully integrate you; you have to know that you
and Nick will be as one. Meaning you will remember his thoughts maybe even his
feelings. You will probably do things he would do, and that okay. Because you
both are the same person, he is just another part of you. One that you made and
have to become whole with, you also have to know that you may be more like Nick
then you are now. And you will be a new person altogether someone who is whole.
Think of it as like an rubix cube, you see how it can be mixed all up and the
small square colors are different, and you know how sometimes you can get one
side all colors but then the rest of the cube is still mixed up so you have to
try again to fix it to make it whole. Well think of therapy and treatment like
that okay. Think of you and Nick like this and anyone else for that may or may
not emerge. But you manage to make that cubes color on all sides match again
and come back together no matter what. In the end it’s not about the colors of
the cube, but the cube itself…do you understand what I mean?” She says and
tries to explain to Mickey hoping he understood her
“Yeah I think so…but wait…You mean I can also have more than one alter then?”
He asked her surprised as hell of the new information.
“Yes. I’m not gonna lie you, it’s very common in patients with dissociative
Identity disorder that they may have more than one alters. Some have the
opposite sex as an alter; and some don’t. There a case where a person had about
20 different alters all different people within her. It takes time and effort
to integrate someone like that. And no I am not saying you are like that. But I
want you to know it will take time and effort and support and love, and I mean
all of it you can get.”
Mickey nods his head and sat quietly taking in all this information at once. He
had to except his disorder he got that. But now he had to accept the fact that
Nick was real and is part of him. That was going to be a drag but like Charlene
said he needs to make the effort if not then this will continue on. Then what
if there was another alter than just Nick….He didn’t want to think of that, he
hoped and prayed that he didn’t have another one. When Mickey didn’t speak
again Charlene asked him again the same question but in a different way. “How
did you feel when Ian left Mickey? You cried when he left, and I know what you
said, but I can’t help feel that some of what you it is bullshit, and you’re
not telling me everything, which is okay, but.” Dr. Jimenez says to Mickey
bluntly and he appreciates her honesty. He really does.
“I felt sad…I felt empty when he left, and I shouldn’t feel like that because I
don’t know the guy. Nick knows him not me. He’s in love with Nick not me. And
when he said he loved me…Charlene I believed him and I don’t know why. I get
this feeling that for some reason I did the wrong thing by telling him to
leave…..I’m afraid that Nick is going to come out and do something horrible
like lash out or something. I don’t want him to think I hurt Ian on purpose
because I didn’t. If anything it hurts that he’s not here and I don’t fucking
get that! It hurts that my brothers and sister are not here, and I miss Colt,
but I don’t know.” Mickey says and looks down at his hand and was playing with
the blanket again, he spoke again before she could say anything to him “I feel
like I don’t want to exist anymore, like I don’t want to be alive.” He says
sadly and let the tears fall from his face as he put his head down not wanting
to look at her.
“You think you feel like that because Nick was in control for a long time and
you feel guilty for letting him. You think you feel guilty for hurting someone
you know you didn’t mean to, but had to. And you think you’re guilty for not
fighting harder to come back to you family.  Do you have an idea why you didn’t
come back sooner?” She asked him
“No” he simply said, because even though he was fighting, he didn’t know why it
was hard for him to come back. Especially when the last time he came out; he
remembers he was in bed with Ian and left and then he saw his old house but
then it goes blank again. He didn’t know why. “The last time I was out I called
Collin, I woke up next to Ian. He was sleeping, I got dressed called Collin,
and then left. I was in the southside of Chicago; I saw my old house that we
grew up in before Collin took custody of us. Then it was all a blank and Nick
must have come out. The next thing I know I’m in a hospital screaming for the
people I knew and everything happened yesterday as it did.” Mickey says to her.
Charlene made a note of their old family house, figuring that must have trigger
Mickey into calling Nick. She told Mickey that was it for today and that if he
wanted he can go home today. He thanked her and asked if Mandy could pick him
up and she did. Mandy grabbed her brother and hugged him tight. She was going
to stay with him and Iggy, and Collin where going to take turns staying with
Mickey. He didn’t care as long as he had them with him. They reach his loft and
he went in, for some reason Mandy said that alarm code was different, but
Mickey knew Nick changed it. He knew the pass code and typed it in. It was
091469.
“Why the fuck would Nick changed the passcode to 091469. I swear you sure do
have a weird personality.” Mandy says jokingly trying to get her brother to
smile.
“0914 is Debbie’s birthday and 69 is well, you can guess. Nick is weird.” He
snorted and laughs at it little, but then frowned.
“Well it seems that maybe your other guy in there (Mandy pointed to his head)
does have a soft heart somewhere. Debbie’s a cool person, plus the whole 69 I
can definitely get, maybe it’s his favorite position? Do you know?” Mandy says
curiously
“What the fuck? Bitch I don’t know, and how do you know Debbie’s a cool
person?” Mickey asked his sister
“We’ve been talking since everything happen, she reminds me of me in a way.
Sticks up for her brother and she even told me she was ready to square off on
any of us that day in the hospital. Girls got guts and she’s honest, I respect
that, and how did you know it was her birthday?”  Mandy says with a full grin
on her face to Mickey
Mickey just shook his head smiled at her. Leave it to Mandy to find something
she likes about a person, then again his sister was always a great judge of
character. And if Debbie was willing to fight a Milkovich then he would respect
her to for that. “I remember something, at least I dream them sometimes, or
daydream as well. Charlene says that it can be how Nick and I communicate with
one another. It can also be me just remembering as I am him. Being that we’re
the same person, he’s just a part of me that I have to except. But I remembered
him putting in the code and laughing at the part of 69 because it was meant to
be funny.” He says as he seemed to be remembering and he smiles. Mandy sees the
small smile on her brother's face and smiles back at him as he smiles at her.
Mickey went to his room and saw his bed was unmade, there was a uniform there
and clothes he doesn’t remember buying but they were his size. Apparently, Nick
likes a lot of black and likes to wear tight shirts. The uniform was Ian’s; it
has his last name on it, and it’s hung up and ironed you could tell. His police
uniform and Mickey assumed they were staying here for a while. Which means this
bed Ian and him well Nick; slept in this bed together. He then starts to remove
the covers from the bed and places them on the floor and got a pair of fresh
sheets out and makes his bed. He then picks up the pillow from the left side of
the bed and held it to his chest. He didn’t change the pillow cases, they
smelled familiar and he hated that, but he needed that right now. He went and
lay down on the bed on the left side and curled up under the covers.
Mandy watches her brother the whole time, silently looking at him. She thought
he looked hurt, lost, and broken. In a way he was, and when he lies down on the
bed, she goes to him and lies right next to him holding him close. She hears
him sniffle and then asked: “You want to talk about it?” Mickey shakes his head
no and she knew he was crying silently. When he hitches his breath to breath
she holds him close and whispers to him that it was going to be okay and that
she had him. Mickey then sobs a little louder and buries his face in his pillow
that was where he fell asleep.
*************************************
For the next few days, Debbie called out sick from work and school and called
out for Ian after everything happened. Saying he was sick and wasn’t well. She
faxed over to his job ‘doctors note’ let’s just say that they were doctor’s
note, and it was nobody's business if she made them. It was especially nobody's
business if she forged the names of the doctor and it definitely was nobodies
business that she got away with it. A skill she wished she can use as a career,
but then her brother would arrest her. That Idea left her mind quickly. Ian
didn’t move for days, he barely ate or drank anything. He would just get up
from his bed use the bathroom and lay back down. It was like he was letting his
life pass him by. Debbie had had enough of it; she wasn’t about to let watch
her brother kill himself. She couldn’t let that happen.
Debbie saw Ian and he looked worse more than ever, but he got out of bed and
was showered. “Hey Ian you hungry, you want something?”
“Yeah…….My life back.” Ian says looking down at his wedding ring, he didn’t
speak for a moment and then when he looks up at Debbie he says these words to
her that she knows she will never forget “I guess it true what they say huh
Debs.  That only if you love them, then you gotta let them go.” He says with
tears coming down his face and walks into his room and pulls the cover over him
and grabs Nick’s pillow and holds it close to him. It was then that Debbie knew
that what everyone failed to realize including herself was that when Ian came
home, he died every day waiting for Nick or Mickey whoever he was, to come into
his life and love him and bring him back to life.
And in that moment she did think that yeah what her brother said somewhat made
sense in a way. Only if you love them then you got to let them go. So that he
or she can come back to you. So that you can love them harder and more than you
ever did before.
Chapter End Notes
     As promised this is for The_One_And_Only_Joey I hope you like it. I
     know this is a sad one, but I promise the next one I write that is
     more happy will be for you. Its just this needed to happen. xoxoxoxo
     I hope you enjoy it
***** Communication or something like It *****
Chapter Notes
      
     Mention of death past war, Also of suicide ,so please be warned it
     might cause a triggers. In addition the Bold font it Nick and also
     the Italic is of Ian remembering a past event. Again I love reading
     all of your comments and I love that you give me kudos and subscribe.
     I don't know about this chapter but let me know what you guys think.
     I do hope you like it. I'm very iffy of my writing. Well let me know
     what you guys think xoxoxoxo
Ian eventually went back to work after a few days of sulking; he was like an
emotionless zombie. He went to work did his tours and would either come home
and drink or go to the bar and drink coming home all hours of the night. He
would go to work grumpy and he would come home hammered. Debbie was getting
sick and tired of what she was seeing; it was as if Ian gave up without
fighting. This one night Debbie just had enough of his shit. Ian had come home
smelling of sweat, alcohol and sex, and that was it. “Ian what the fuck? Did
you cheat on him you fucking smell?” Debbie says
“Who?” Ian slurs out and continues to talk “Oh you mean the guy that doesn’t
exist?” Ian says and chuckles sadly and walks pass Debbie.
“Ian don’t” Debbie tries to say, but Ian cuts her off.
“NO! No Deborah. He’s gone! And guess what!? I’m a free man okay!  I can fuck
whoever I want, I can be with anyone I want and no one can hurt me okay!? He
doesn’t even fucking want me around…..No one does (Ian says sadly)….I lose
everyone I love…It’s like I’m fucking unlovable.” Ian says sadly sliding down
to the floor and just sits there. Debbie looks at her brother with pity.
Something she knew Ian hated and she then snaps out of having pity for him and
go and grabs a bucket of water and through it on him. “What the fuck Debbie!”
“Well 1 that was for calling my by first name, you know I hate that shit. 2,
that’s for being stupid IAN CLAYTON GALLAGHER, and 3, for practically saying
that no one loves you, because I do and so does Nick okay. But Mostly Ian, that
was for not fucking fighting for him. For just leaving him, even though Mickey
told you to leave and not see him. What makes you think that he meant it?”
Debbie says to him.
“Look Debs, Once he’s integrated he’s gone and Mickey told me not to see him at
all. I’ll be nothing more than a memory to Mickey or Nick or whoever the fuck
he is!” Ian spats out to her not looking at her at the moment.
Debbie went up to Ian and smacks him on his forehead “Don’t be stupid Ian. Nick
is part of Mickey right? So that means a part of him loves you no matter what.
Fight for him, if not, fight for that love no matter who it is! We know
Mickey’s boyfriend is an ass and he isn’t good for him so get him. For all we
know Nick can be the real deal and Mickey can be the alter, or it can be that
Nick is the alter and Mickey is well the main guy! We read up about this Ian.
For all we know big bro… shit you can love both of them crazy or not. You can
love Mickey you can fall in love with him, or maybe be in his life as a
positive things Ian….But I can’t fucking see you like this anymore!” Debbie
says desperately.
“Yeah but if he isn’t Nick Debs” Ian barely got to finish his sentence and
looks down at his hands.
She sighed then looks at her brother and tells him the truth. “Well then that
means you really didn’t love him….Because Ian in order to love him, you have to
love all of him. Even if he’s not Nick or Mickey or whoever he is; you love
Nick, which means you love Mickey whether you see it or not. In some ways you
do….Ian whether he’s Nick or not he’s apart of Mickey that you love. ..So who’s
to say you don’t love all of him huh? Are you truly willing to love all of him,
even if he is Mickey or Nick or whoever he is! Because if not, then you really
don’t love him, and he’s better off.” Debbie tell Ian, looking straight at him
with a serious face.
Debbie makes some sense, but Ian still doubted it. They were both quiet for a
few minutes then Ian spoke. “That’s just it Debs…….I know I love him. No matter
who he is, Nick does have my heart-but…what if he doesn’t want me at all?
That’s what hurts the most is that I know he doesn’t.” Ian says and wipes his
face and gets up from the floor and goes up the stairs. He showers himself and
went straight to bed with a bottle of Jack in his hands and his thoughts in his
mind going wild with thoughts of his partner.
******************************************************************************
Mickey had been going to therapy every day since his first session with his
Doctor. Either Mandy or Iggy and sometimes Collin would bring him to his
appointment. It was mostly Mandy that would take him after work. He decided he
wanted to go back to work, but he only did half days instead. It had been about
a week since he got out the hospital. He called Colt a few times but only got
his voice mail. Mandy told him not to bother with him and that he had them for
support. But he didn’t know why Colt was avoiding him when he was so happy to
be with him and even so Mickey told him he would need him for support. So why
was he not talking to him? But right now Mickey didn’t let that concern him or
at least he tried not to let it, he pushed it away and needed to deal with what
he needed to, in order to get better.  His sessions were basic talking for now;
it was basically back to the basics before Dr. Charlene Jimenez can start and
try to attempt to do hypnosis on him. He still needed to come to term with his
mental illness and with Nick. Nick had a life he was living with a man he
loved. Mickey told his doctor about the memories he was having as Nick and she
said that was complete fine and normal even. There was much needed to be
learned about Nick and what part he plays in Mickeys life.
Eventually Mickey came to terms with his disorder and Nick being just as a real
as any other person is to him. With feelings, wants, desires, and needs, but
most importantly that Nick was in fact a part of him in every way. He was just
a different part of Mickey. Mickey was comfortable to saying that now. Now
today his day was going like any other day; Mandy is with him in his apartment
and they were playing video games in the sala and eating junk food in the
afternoon while smoking. Mandy had been on her phone text back and forth with
someone but Mickey didn’t know who and didn’t care to know. She looks at bit
nervous when she looks at Mickey and gets up and goes to the bathroom all of a
sudden. That was when Mickey hears his front door open and shut harshly. He
gets up and is shocked to see a short redhead girl coming towards him and boy
did she look pissed off.
“You need to figure your shit out fast, before I lose my brother and you lose
your dick.” Debbie says harshly to Mickey
“What the fuck? How did you get in here?” Mickey says to Debbie.
“I have a key dumbass, and I need you to tell me where Ian’s at?” Debbie says
to him.
“Why the fuck would I know where Ian’s at? I told him not to contact me or see
me, he knows that!” Mickey snaps back out at Debbie.
Debbie then raises her eyebrows at Mickey response and rolls her eyes at him.
“Fuck…. You wouldn’t know where he’s at then?” Debbie asked again ignoring
Mickeys confused look he has on his face.
“No why would I” Mickey says to her.
“Really? You mean tell me you have no memory of any kind of the places where
you and Ian use to hang out at?” Debbie asked Mickey in hopes he could tell her
something.
“That was Nick and Ian okay. And no I don’t…” Mickey says to her and for a
moment he is quiet then speaks again. “Why…is something wrong with him?” Mickey
asked curiously for some reason. He wants to know if Ian is okay at least and
to be honest he didn’t want Debbie to know that he wanted to know that.
“Well since it’s none of your business. Mind it.” Debbie says rudely to Mickey
and continues to talk. “I just came here to get Mandy so she can help me find
him, but then I came in and got reminded of what you did to Ian and I got
pissed again. But seeing as it’s not your fault it doesn’t matter I can still
be pissed at you even if it wasn’t you.” She says with no venom behind her
voice
“Well why the fuck did you come here anyways then asking me if you’re not going
to tell me anything?” Mickey asked Debbie completely ignoring her little
outburst.
“Like I said, waiting for Mandy and because I was hoping” Debbie was about to
say but was cut off my Mickey quickly.
“What you were hoping that Nick would appear and come out and I would be gone
again is that it?” He says snapping at her. However Debbie was somewhat like
Mandy and she snaps right back at him without a blink of an eye.
“NO you dumb fuck! I get the whole D.I.D thing okay, and so does Ian. But he’s
taking it harder you stupid piece of shit! So instead of being a prick and
assuming shit, you should have let me fucking finish what I was going to say.”
Mickey shuts up quickly and raises his eyebrows at her “Like I was saying dick
head, I was hoping that a part of you would maybe remember a place where Ian
would go when he was upset or some shit. I tried all his places, his spots at
the bars, the clubs, and even the fucking hospitals. But his job said he was
there this morning so I know he’s going to work, but he’s not working tomorrow
and he hasn’t been home in two days…and I’m afraid he’s going do something
stupid again.” Debbie says frustrated and annoyed that Ian just left again, but
her thoughts are cut off again from Mickey speaking to her now.
“What? What do you mean again?” Mickey asked curiously he wonders if Nick would
know what that meant.
“Look. Don’t worry about it okay. It’s personal and you already have enough
shit on your plate with you trying to be whole person again. So don’t bother
okay.” Debbie says bluntly not meaning to sound mean but right now she is
texting Mandy to please hurry up.
Mickey was shocked in silence as the young redhead basically told him to fuck
off in other words. But in a good way he thinks, or well hopes. Debbie and he
guesses Ian understands but he still wants to know what she meant about Ian
doing something stupid again, and it is a bit concerning that Ian wasn’t home
for the past two days. Mickey really shouldn’t be worried about Ian, it’s not
his concern, but he is for some reason.
“Hey is Mandy ready? I have a few places she can go to where Ian might be. I’m
fucking happy she volunteered to help, when Ian wants to be lost, he will be. I
need all the help I can get.” Debbie now says sadly.
“What about your family. Don’t you guys have like brothers and sisters or some
shit.” Mickey says, he remembers from his dreams seeing pictures of Ian and a
group of his siblings.
“Ian doesn’t really like to talk to them much, and Lip is dealing with his own
mess right now. I think he went back to his girls house to work things out. But
Fiona I don’t talk to her, and she doesn’t need to be concern with Ian since
she practically blamed him for her fucked up life, which I still haven’t
forgiven her for. She’s the reason why Ian left years ago.” Debbie tells Mickey
this information to him so easily like she’s told him before already.
Mickey nods his head in silence not looking at Debbie. “Okay, well um yeah, Ima
go get Mandy, she still in the bathroom.” Mickey says and goes to get his
sister who he wants to kill right now. “MANDY!” Mickey says as he enters the
bathroom not caring if she using it or not “you’re going out with Ian’s
sister?”
Mandy was washing her hands as Mickey barges into the bathroom. “What? No I’m
not dating her…” She says with a confused look “I mean she’s pretty and all and
kinda cute, but too young for me.” And of course leave it up to Mandy to miss
interpret the fucking question, as she always does.
“No Bitch. I mean you’re helping her find Ian! Why?” Mickey asked her curiously
“Well first of all I said I would help because I know what it’s like to not
know where your brother is at and freak the fuck out. (Mickey face fell a
little. He knew she was worried about him when he wasn’t around anymore all
those months) And second of all, like I told you she’s good people. She a
friend to me, we’ve hanging out and bullshit and stuff; she’s not a bad person.
Why is that a problem?” Mandy says and raises her eyebrows up to challenger her
brother to say something about it. What the fuck was with them all doing the
same thing with the eyebrows?
“Yeah, I-mean No. I mean… Fuck man. I don’t know okay… What happened to Ian?”
Mickey asked Mandy now.
Mandy is slightly taken back by her brothers question but tries not to show it.
“Mick, why do you care? (She asked curiously) I don’t mean to sound fucked up
or a bitch or anything, but it’s just you know. I thought you didn’t want to
see him or know about him since he was Nick’s boyfriend and nothing to you.”
Mandy says to him.
“Yeah well you’re ditching me to go find him so I have a right know.” He says
to her crossing his arms against his chest in defence.
“Hmmmphm sure, okay whatever….Look Ian’s been hitting the bottle hard Debbie
said. I went over to her house last week and she was cleaning him up.
Apparently, the poor guy drunk himself so stupid he passed out in the kitchen
and let their washing machine overflow. He was so wasted he didn’t even feel
that the water was all over the floor and he was soaked in it. I helped Debbie
clean him up, and man you sure know how to pick them…(she was blushing. Really
like fucking blushing while she was talking about Ian) I ah, shit man he’s
packing an in all the right places let me tell you. (Mandy chuckles and
continues to talk)  His abs are Oh My God, I completely blushed the whole time
removing his clothes and helping Debbie put on his pjs.” Mandy says to Mickey.
“I don’t want hear that Mandy fucking Christ man.” Mickey says and now he was
blushing.
“Oh well, seeing as you were the one taking up the ass I figured you want to
know he’s packing huge if you didn’t remember. AND I MEAN OH MY GOD HUGE.” She
says so enthusiastically.
“………..” Mickey was now blushing redder than ever before. He is literally
looking at his sister like he could kill her, because now he was slightly
curious and wanted to remember. FUCK he thought to himself.
With that Mandy walks pass Mickey as she speaks. “Well I’ll see you later baby
bro okay, I’ll be back for dinner.” Mandy says and walks out to Debbie and they
both leave quickly. Mickey is just left standing there alone and in his own
thoughts. He goes into one of his rooms and looks around. He sees the picture
of Ian that Nick painted because he sure as hell doesn’t know how to paint or
draw, but for some reason he always wanted to learn. I guess that was a talent
he always had because of Nick. He then walks in the room and looks at his
reflections and guess who he see now.
“ Mick let me out please! ” Nick says pleading. It’s the first time Mickey has
ever heard him sound like this. Like he was desperate and begging.
“No.” Mickey says firmly. “So you can just take over my life again, fuck you.”
He says and goes to turn around but is faced with looking at Nick who is in
front of him without a mirror. Well that’s the first.
“ Mickey Ian needs me please. I know he’s fucking done something stupid I need
to find him to make sure he’s okay. ” Nick says desperately again to Mickey.
“Look that’s not our problem okay.” Mickey says to Nick.
“ You know, you so call say I’m the cold hearted one and that I’m the bad one,
but looking at you I think people have us wrong .” Nick says furiously at
Mickey.
“Excuse me? You’re the asshole who took my life away from me for a year. Who
made a guy fall in love with us and for what so he can go and fucking make
everyone feel like he’s gonna kill himself or some shit. Or fucking what
disappear from the universe. Please! Come the fuck on.” Mickey yells at Nick
and Nick is silent and just for moment.
“ You don’t know Ian Mickey. I know Ian, and I know what he’s capable of okay.
He not Colt who is some stuck up worthless piece of shit who tries to demand
you and control things of you. For Christ sack he doesn’t even like your family
.” Nick yells back at Mickey.
“Fuck you; you don’t even like our family either?” Mickey snaps at Nick.
“ I can tolerate Mandy and Iggy. It’s Collin I can’t stand. And by the way if
you allowed Ian to be near you and help us, he would be here in a heartbeat.
Unlike that asshole Colt who hasn’t even returned your phone calls or bothers
to check up on you .” Nick says snapping back at Mickey.
For a moment Mickey isn’t able to speak but he does. “…..He’s just busy” Mickey
says trying to convince Nick but Nick isn’t falling for it.
Nick snorts at Mickeys weak response about Colt. “ Keep telling yourself that
Mick. I know and I know a part of you knows that he probably thinks we’re
weirdos or that we’re fucking crazy, which by the way we are to say the
least…..But can you please help Debbie and Mandy find Ian .” Nick says again to
Mickey
“Why would I do that? SO you can come out and take over. I can’t and won’t
fucking do that. I’ve made too much progress” Mickey tells Nick
“ What progress? That you accept us as one? Oooo wooow that’s great. Trust me
when I tell you. You are definitely not ready for the truth yet. And I need to
find Ian now .” Nick says to Mickey, and Mickeys head is starting to hurt
again. He rubs his headache away and looks at Nick again and speaks.
“Why won’t you just fucking tell me already?!” Mickey shouts at Nick
“ No .” Nick simply says to Mickey. Mickey sees that Nick looks like he’s
thinking of what to say next to Mickey “ It’s crazy you know…. I mean because
Colt knows and guess who told him Mickey boy…..No? You can’t guess, well  (he
snorted and chuckles slightly)  it was Collin. Yeah he knows, he’s the reason
we left that house all those years ago. He knows what happened to us .” Nick
tells Mickey walking up to him and smiling.  “He knows our little secret.” Nick
says whispering in Mickeys ear and walks a few steps away from him.
Mickey turns slightly to look at Nick and is angry now. “You’re lying” Mickey
grits under his teeth at Nick.
“Am I Mickey, Am I really Mikhailo ” Nick says to Mickey and walks up to him
again but with sad eyes. Mickey can tell there sad. “ Why would I lie about
that? ” Nick says to Mickey not taking his eyes off of him.
“Because you always do” Mickey says quickly.
“ See that’s where you’re wrong. I haven’t lied to you. Name one time I have”
Nick asked Mickey this question and Mickey doesn’t say anything, so Nick
continues to talk.  “See you can’t! I can lie, I think I have maybe once or
maybe a few times, But not to you. See Mick I can’t lie to you, I can only make
you see the real deal here. Other people I can lie to, but you? Nope…Can’t
lie.”  And with that Nick disappears and Mickey is left standing alone in his
thoughts. Nick has never lied to him, so why would he now about that. Mickey
doesn’t bother to dwell on it because now for some reason he just wants to walk
around. Did Collin really know all along what happened to him all those years
ago? And did he tell Colt? Is that why he’s not here with him? Is it that bad?
Why wouldn’t they tell him if they knew already? He grabs his jacket and keys
and leaves out the door.
Mickey had no idea where he was going, his feet were doing the moving and he
ended up in front of a condo building he was not too familiar with. He goes up
to the building and when he looks inside the building he sees a familiar
redhead. Mandy wasn’t lying when she said Ian was hitting the bottle hard.
Mickey sees Ian taking a swig of what it seemed to be a bottle of jack Daniels.
Favorite of Mickey’s by the way, but he can see how Ian looks not like the man
he saw when he was at the hospital. Mickey knew he should call Mandy and tell
her to tell Debbie that he spotted Ian. But then that would start with Mandy
asking question about how he saw Ian and where and why he was at this place. No
Mickey decided to go in after the redhead who went in the elevator. Mickey saw
the elevator stopped on the 20 th  floor and Ian was the only one in the
elevator. Well fuck wasn’t that a coincidence right. So Mickey goes into the
elevator and goes upstairs and then it’s like he’s on autopilot. Mickey was now
in front of door. 20 A.  
Mickey goes to knock on the door but he sees it’s open already, and is
surprised that it’s left unlocked. He enters the apartment and it seems like
someone hasn’t lived her in a while. There are while blankets covering a lot of
the furniture; the walls seems to have dust on them not much but you can tell.
As well as the counters he can tell have dust on them. It’s dark but not too
dark. There is a light in one of the rooms Mickey sees and Mickey walks towards
it, moving very slowly. Mickeys making sure that Ian doesn’t notice him, or
that he doesn’t disturb Ian as he sees him sitting down on the floor his back
towards the door. Mickey sees Ian drinking and looking down at two pictures in
his hand. Mickey can’t see what who they are from where he is at. He hears Ian
talking to himself now; and so Mickey listens in silently.
“You know I miss you every day right. (Ian chuckles then continues to talk) You
know why I had Nick, he didn’t mind or care that I missed you. In fact he would
make me talk about you to him….He ah…He would say that it was always good to
remember the ones you love, even if there not here anymore. See he’s not a bad
guy, he just doesn’t show that side of him to a lot of people……” Ian says to
the picture he’s looking at and then takes another drink from the bottle and
his tears are coming down more on his face and he wipes them with his arms. “I
never got it you know? Why you? Why couldn’t it have been me to take the
bullet? Then I think back and how so stupid you were for doing that shit….It
was meant for me to take, and you took it.” Ian says crying and looks away to
the side just staring at the wall. But he continues to talk.
“I only ever brought Nick up here. He said it was nice place you left me. At
first he thought I bought it for us and he started trying to fuck me, go figure
huh. (Ian huffs out with a smile chuckle) But then I got mad at him because
this was our home, or at least it was going to be. When I told Nick where we
were and he apologized, which is something he does not do, let me tell you.
(Ian chuckles again) He took me in his arms and held me and told me he loved me
and that he was sorry I was still hurting and still missed you…So whenever that
stupid asshole got a chance he would ask about you. He would go ahead and ask
what you were like. If you were cute (Ian chuckles again to himself and wipes
the tears from his face) I showed him a picture of you and he said he would
leave himself for you. (Ian laughs this time thinking about the memory).
“Hey Ian do you have a picture of Adam?” Nick asked and Ian nodded his head yes
and looked around the apartment that was his and Adams. Once he found a picture
of him and Adam in their military uniforms.
“Here that’s him” Ian said to Nick who looks at the picture and his eyes widen
and he smiles.
“Shit Ian I would leave me for him. He was fucking beautiful baby. You sure
know how picked them I see” Nick said and smiled at Ian
“You’re an asshole you know that. This was before he died” Ian said as he
looked at the picture again and smiled “We were planning on leaving that
weekend to get hitched  because we were together for so long we said fuck it.
Why need a big wedding. But we got called in for a mission at the last minute.
So both of us left but only one of us made it home alive.” Ian said sadly and
he didn’t know that he had a few tears coming down his face. Nick then wiped
his tears away and cupped Ian’s face and looked at the man he loves and spoke
to him softly.
“Ian he loved you, so him being with you on your last mission must have made
him happy to just be with you. I know I feel like that when I’m with you. I
know you still miss him, but Ian you have to learn to live with the fact that
he lost his life so you can live. But not only for you baby, but for the both
of you. It was his instinct to protect the one he loves. I know what that is
likes to take the hit for someone no matter what. So don’t regret coming home
Ian; I know you haven’t told me how he died, but you still talk in your sleep
so…I know it hurts you still, but your able to love again.” Nick says to him
and kisses in on the lips and lets his face go.
Ian doesn’t say anything for a moment and then he wonders what if Adam was
still alive? Would he be with Nick or what would happen to Nick? For some
reason Ian say “Nick you know if me and Adam would have come home together, me
and you would not be a couple.” Ian says to Nick. He wants to know Nicks
responds to this. He wants to know if the man he loves right now would be
selfish or selfless. His answer depends on whether this relationship will work
out. Ian doesn’t know why that is, but for some reason he just does. The ball
is in Nick’s court now.
“I know” Nick smiles at Ian but it’s a loving smile. “But as long as you would
have been happy with him, then so would I. I love you and yeah I know.” Nick
says to Ian and kisses him. Ian smiles at Nick after he breaks the kiss with
Nick, because how did he get so lucky after losing Adam like that. How did this
man walk into his life and bring him back to life. “okay enough of the mushy
sappy shit. What are we looking for Ian?” Nick says
Ian comes back from the memory he had with Nick and wishes he can go back to
that day.  He’s almost out of Jack and curses himself for that. “You know, I
never understood why people die. It’s like life is fucked up. How can you give
someone life right, and then one day it can get taken away and they haven’t
even lived it yet. I mean what the fuck is up with the universe. Where do we go
when we die? I-I’m sure you know, but I don’t and that baby…..that scares the
fuck out of me…I mean to leave the one you love behind and never see them
again…To just be a memory that people forget and why? Why can’t we live forever
and be happy that way. Why can’t life for once Adam; for fucking once not take
the person I love away from me huh? It’s like I am dead thought right……I wonder
if when you die you come back as someone else and you know what is so fucked up
about that? Is that if you do come back as someone else, you don’t remember
your old life. And that’s just sad.” Ian says sadly and continues to wipe the
tears off his face.
“I would want to remember the people I love. You Debbie, my siblings, Mickey or
Nick or whoever he is. I would want to remember, but then again I don’t.
Because I don’t have either of you; Fiona hates me but tries so hard to fucking
make up for what she said and did, Lip always thinks I’m fucking up my life and
thinks I should be more like him. Carl…well Carl is in his own world and so is
Liam. Debbie….Well Debbie is the best. But I don’t deserve her either. I don’t
deserve anyone Adam. I know that now, I need to move on.” Ian looks at his left
hand and at his wedding band, Mickey he thinks didn’t know he as married to
Nick, but it doesn’t matter really. Ian stands up and throws the two pictures
behind him near the door.
Mickey looks at them from where he is at. It’s a picture of Ian and some other
guys, and him and Ian smiling. Mickey looks back up and he sees Ian standing up
drinking the last of the drink with a gun behind his back.
Ian’s instincts kicked in as he was standing up and saw something in his
peripheral vision. Ian suddenly takes out his gun from behind his back and
points it directly at the door. He’s shocked to see who’s there with him.
“Mickey? Or is it Nick?” Ian says slurring his words but still pointing the
gun.
“It’s Mickey Ian. I saw you coming up stairs and I don’t know I followed you”
Mickey says quickly.
Ian lowers his gun and puts it back behind his belt. “That’s fucking creepy
man, stalkerish even. Now why are you really here Mickey?” Ian asked Mickey.
“I don’t know okay man. I just saw you and you look like shit. So I decided to
see if you were okay, plus your sister been looking for you; says you haven’t
been home in a while.” Mickey says to Ian who seems to be more alert that
Mickey is there with him.
“Well this is my home as well, I just don’t like staying here.” Ian says
flatly.
“Why? Place seems big and nice to me.” Mickey chuckles a little but stops when
he see Ian glaring at him “Or not” Mickey say instantly.
“None of your fucking business okay! I’m fine, so just tell my sister I’m fine
and to leave me alone. Matter of fact just don’t tell her shit.” Ian says
bitterly and looks away because what he wants to do right now is go to the man
in front of him kiss him and tell him he’s wrong for wanting Ian to leave him.
Wrong for not letting Ian love Nick, wrong for keeping Nick away from him. But
Ian feels that it’s fucking wrong.
“Look okay I know you’re mad at me when you shouldn’t be really, but you look
like you can use someone to talk to. You really do look like shit.” Mickey says
to Ian who just chuckles to himself.
“I’m just tired” Ian simply says. Mickey is looking at him with an ‘I don’t
believe you face.’ Ian can’t help but see Nick when he does that. Ian sighs and
starts to talk again. “I’m just trying to forget the best way I know how to….So
how have you been?” Ian says trying to get the subject off of him. He wants to
know how Nick and Mickey are doing, but in a way doesn’t want to know.
“I’m okay. Exhausted actually, I’ve been going to therapy every day. Mandy or
one of my brothers will take me. Mandy’s been mostly staying with me, the
doctor said I can’t be alone for too long.” Mickey says and he finally decides
to walk into the room and picks the pictures up from the floor and touches
them. He looks at Ian and gives him the pictures. He wants to ask “Who is
this?” but felt like that would be intruding too much.
Ian takes the pictures and puts them in his back pocket and sits on the bed
now. “So therapy must be going well. How’s your shit head of a boyfriend. Must
be happy your back.” Ian says somewhat bitterly and chuckles dryly at that to
himself.
Mickey doesn’t say anything he just nods his head before he speaks. “I wouldn’t
know.” And with that Ian looks up quickly at him and waits for the other man to
speak “He hasn’t pick up any of my phone calls or responded to my text
messages. Mandy says he’s a dick. I’m slowly starting to not care anymore. I
can’t worry about him I have to worry about me.” Mickey says and just shrugs.
Ian nods his head as well. “I don’t like him, he is a dick, and if I wasn’t a
cop that had ex-military combat background I would have beat the shit out of
him at the hospital.” Ian tells Mickey seriously, but then Ian hears. “Are
actually laughing about me kicking your boyfriends’ ass and wanting me to beat
him?” Ian asked Mickey who is laughing.
Mickey laughs at that because Iggy and Mandy say the same thing, except they
tell him if he wasn’t with Mickey they would bury Colts ass. “Yeah! Mandy and
Iggy say the same thing.” He looks at Ian who just smiles at him a little and
Mickey things he is cute.
“So why are you here? I mean I know you said you saw me but, you said you
didn’t want me around you and that I had to leave you alone. So what change
your mind or is this some pity party shit. Because if it is, then you can go
fuck yourself.” Ian says with not heat behind his voice.
“Honestly it’s just like I said Ian; your sister is worried about you. Also I’m
sorry for hurting you. I know it’s not easy to pick your life back up again and
start over and forget about someone. That was wrong of me, but you have to
understand that-“
“I know…I know okay. I miss Nick every day and I wouldn’t be lying if I said I
wish you were him right now. But I’m okay I don’t need anyone to look out for
me. But thanks, I just rather be alone right now. I won’t do anything stupid….I
promise you.” Ian says to Mickey.
Mickey gives Ian a puzzling face expression as he speaks to Ian. “Why does
everyone keep saying that? Debbie said that to me as well before she nearly
chewed my head off.” Mickey says to Ian
Ian just shrugs and looks away, but Mickey is staring at him waiting for him to
answer. “It’s just…it’s because when I got back home from deployment I was at a
bad place. Some things happened and shit got bad. She probably thinks I'm going
to do it again.” Ian says not looking at Mickey.
“Like what?” Mickey asked curiously.
Ian is silent for a few moment before he speaks. He sighs before he tell
Mickey- “I tried to kill myself.” Ian says it with no meaning behind his words.
 “I didn’t want to exactly live after something that happened and I got
depressed. Every night I woke up screaming and crying… and I tried hard to not
want to remember. Whenever there was something on the new about the war or
fighting overseas, I would breaking down and have panic attacks. I would
remember things that happened and I didn’t want to remember anymore so I took a
shit load of sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka…and I just…..I wanted to
sleep forever and be with him again.” Ian says and there tears coming down his
face.
Mickey sees the tears coming down Ians face and has the sudden urge to wipe
away his tears and huge Ian. But he doesn’t, so he asked him- “Who did you want
to be with that made you want to kill yourself Ian?” Mickey asked in a low
whisper voice.
“Adam….He was my finance….He died when we deployed out on a mission.” Ian says
and looks up from his hands and just stares at the wall as if he’s remembering
as he spoke. “We were under heavy fire and um…I had to tend to one of the guys
who got shot…I wasn’t the medic but I knew what to do. Plus the other medic
asked for the assistance so it wasn’t a problem I did it plenty times before…
Adam he was supposed to be getting more ammo and-and I remember the enemy
coming towards us, the bullets flying by us like a gust of wind. I tried to
fire back at someone who was shooting at us, and my back was turned, but then I
got shot in the arm and the next thing I knew it Adam was in front of me. He
was covering me and he was dragging me and the other marines to cover…… I-he
was shooting a-and then he turned around to see if I was okay.” Ian stops and
takes a breath because now he’s shaking and chest hurts. There tears falling
from his face but he doesn’t care to wipe them. “Then he got hit in the back….
All I could see was his face; I couldn’t hear anything and he looked at me and
I grabbed him and called for the medic. He came and tried to stop the bleeding
but the bullet was still in Adam, it didn’t go through. But even so it hit an
artery and he was bleeding out through his mouth and he……he just smiled at me
and told me he loved me and that it was okay.” Ian says while tears coming down
his face and breathing harder than before. Mickey wants him to stop but he
stood quietly and lets Ian finish.
Ian chokes out a sob and continues talking. “He died in my arms. I held on to
him and I watch him leave his body. His eyes they-they were…” (Ian is now lost
for words) he didn’t finish he just sat there crying harder looking at nothing.
Mickey gets up and goes towards Ian and hugs him. He didn’t know why, but no
one should have to experience someone that they love die in front of their face
like that. They stood like this for a while and Mickey just held Ian closer to
him as time went on by. It was Ian who broke the silence and moves out of
Mickey’s embrace. “I’m ah sorry. I didn’t mean to-“
“It’s okay….It’s always best to let shit out man.” Mickey says to Ian in a soft
tone. “Have you ever told anyone about that?” Mickey asked Ian.
“No…no one knows about what happened… I never told anyone, not even Nick.” Ian
tells Mickey.
“So why did you tell me?” Mickey asked Ian.
Ian shakes his head and says “I don’t know honestly. You asked and I guess
Debbie and Adams parents were always afraid to ask me about it… Not even Nick
asked me about how Adam died. He just asked about who he was and what he was
like.” Ian said while he’s trying to catch his breath from all the crying.
“I guess Nick’s not a complete dick then huh.” Mickey says trying to lighten up
the mood.
“He is.” Ian laughs “but he has his ways” Ian only says and then he was silent
until he spoke again. “And ah as soon as I get to it, I will send you the
papers.”
“Papers…what papers?” Mickey asked curiously.
“I forgot that you wouldn’t have remembered….we-ah…we got married me and you.
Nick put your name on the marriage certificate and not his because well he had
your ID. I didn’t even notice it till the other day when I was looking for
something. So technically we’re married. Plus I’m shocked you didn’t notice
your left hand being that you’re still wearing your wedding band.” Ian said
looking at Mickey who has this shocked facial expression on his face now.
Mickey looks down at his left hand and oh shit he really didn’t notice it. How
could he have not notice that. It’s been weeks since he’s seen Ian and
everything happened; then again he’s been busy with wanting to get better. But
he wasn’t mad; in fact he was shocked and found it to be funny. He didn’t do
marriage and somehow Nick managed do it for him. What the fuck! His alter sure
did have a way with doing weird things. “We’re married? HOLLY FUCK! ...You know
it’s fucked up when it feels like a Vegas wedding.” Mickey says surprisingly
and all of a sudden he smiles and laughs. He thought he would have been mad at
saying it out loud but he finds it funny in some way.
“What?” Ian chuckles looking at him
“You know when two people in Vegas get married and are drunk and can’t
remember. Like in the show Friends Ross and Rachel. I kind of feel like them
right now, with you telling me that we’re married. Plus I’m not so mad which is
weird even.” Mickey says lightly still laughing about the whole situation.
Ian laughs and looks at Mickey “Thank you.” Ian says to him.
“What for?” Mickey says now to Ian.
“For being curious I guess. For coming up here, for listening to me and I don’t
know. Just being here; and I know you don’t want hear this but…seeing you...I
see him.” Ian says looking back down at his hands.
Mickey makes a small smile and looks down at his hand and speaks. “No
problem…but ah call your sister or go home to her. She’s worried about you…and
that way I can get my sister back since she took her with her.” Mickey says to
Ian with a smirk on his face.
“Seems like those two became friends quickly” Ian says and smiles.
“Yeah…Yeah they did. I didn’t even know they were hanging out with each other
till today.” Mickey says to Ian
“Well at least one good thing came out of all this bullshit.” Ian says bitterly
sad and looks at the window. Mickey didn’t miss the way Ian said his last
statement and felt bad. “So I ah, I’ll call her, thanks man” Ian says and gets
up and goes walks out the room. Mickey follows him and goes towards the door
and turns to look at Ian who is now rubbing his face and looking at another
picture. Ian looks up and waves bye and turns around and goes back to the room
again.
Mickey hears Ian on the phone and assumes he’s talking to Debbie. He leaves the
apartment and goes home.  Mickey thinks about Ian and how fucked up his life
must have been, and to have Nick and now that Nick was gone and Mickey was
here. He sort of felt bad, but Mickey had his life. It was his life and not
Nicks. It was right...wasn’t it?
 
 _____________________***************_______________________
 
On the way back to his apartment Mickey was just thinking about Ian and
everything that happened. It was weird though, talking to Ian felt natural,
felt right and nice, which was new for Mickey. He enjoyed talking to him; maybe
he wasn’t such a bad guy after all you know. He seemed like a great guy.  Just
as Mickey opens his door to his apartment he sees a familiar face waiting for
him.
 
Colt was there looking at Mickey, it seems like he was waiting for him for a
while. He’s just looking at Mickey and Mickey can tell by the glare that he’s
pissed at this moment but he doesn’t care. He has done nothing wrong for Colt
to be mad at him. If anything he should be mad at Colt for not being here for
him. It’s been nearly two weeks and no phone calls, no text messages, not even
a fucking email or voicemail at least. So Mickey walks in, takes his jacket
off, placed his keys on the desk and makes his way to the sala. Colt is just
looking at him and Mickey couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck as crawled up
his ass, because he sure hasn’t.
“Hey” Colt says dryly to Mickey.
“Hey” Mickey says smiling then looks away after words. He still felt horrible
for cheating on Colt with another man.  But Colt hadn’t seen Mickey in almost 2
week, and now for them to talk about it. Mickey is slightly upset at that. He
needed Colts support and Colt knew that, he even said he would be there. So why
the fuck did he just vanish?
“So how are you feeling?” Colt said flatly like he doesn’t care.
Mickey was taken back; by his tone of voice Colt give him. As if nothing was
wrong so he answered his boyfriend honestly “Tired honestly. Confused, but I’m
going therapy every day and Mandy stays here with me. So things are okay I
guess, I’m making progress I think.” Mickey is silence for a moment and then
“I’m Sorry” He says in a whisper not looking at Colt.
“For what?” Colt says but before Mickey could answer he continues on “For
leaving me, for going to fuck off with another guy? Or for being another
person? Shit you know what it’s okay. You’re fine right? You’re going to get
better, because you’re going to therapy and what not. So there really is
nothing for you to be sorry about now is there huh?” Colt says sarcastically
and so cold to Mickey and Mickey was looking at him like he was fucking crazy.
“Excuse fucking me! Look okay I don’t know what the fuck is up with you! But
I’m still sorry Colt. What Nick did and all his fucking action which some I
still don’t know about, I’m sorry for. But I’m so fucking sorry that my mental
illness is a fucking burden on you okay! You know what Mandy told me that you
and him he got into it. I’m sorry for that, but don’t fucking come here and
blame for being sick you piece of shit! If that’s the case just leave!” Mickey
snaps out back at Colt; Colt was being an ass and Mickey is trying to be calm
himself down and not blow up on him more, but Colt obviously didn’t care.
“Look it is what it is right?  Shit happens; it wasn’t you it was someone else
right?” Colt snaps at him and continues to talk “So what, you go to therapy and
you remember everything you did? You remember what happened to you all those
years ago and all the shit you did, and you still think you can just apologize.
For fucking Christ sack Mickey. You’re a piece of work, and I’ll be gladly to
leave.” Colt didn’t get it that Mickey had no control over his mental state of
mind. You would think since the bastard works in a hospital he would know
better.
Colt stands up from leaning on the sofa and was about to leave when Mickey
steps in front of him now.
Mickey stood there right in front of Colt and is looking at him. He then steps
back and looks at him with narrow eyes tilting his head slightly to the left
side. “What are you talking about?  You said what happened to me all those
years ago. What did you mean by that?... As-a-Matter-of-fact what the fuck do
you know?” Mickey says in one breath. Was Nick telling him the truth all along?
Did Colt know what happened to Mickey and not tell me. Why the fuck not, and
why would Collin tell Colt but not him?
“What? You’ve got to be kidding me, Mickey?....You go off for months at end,
fucking get  married  to a fucking guy and you’re the one asking me question
like some fucking detective. Asking me what the fuck I’m talking about? Like
you don’t know? You should know right!” Colt says to Mickey yelling now at him.
“You’re in fucking therapy everyday Mickey!” Mickey can smell the alcohol on
Colts breath and it’s making his stomach turn in a twist. The older man wasn’t
making any sense to him.
“How the fuck do you know about the marriage? (Mickey asked looking puzzled for
a second but then pushes the thought of Colt knowing about the marriage aside)
.... no look I don’t care okay. I was trying to fucking apologies to you for
what’s happen and you’re biting my head off like I did something wrong here. It
wasn’t me okay, it was Nick.  He married Ian, not me. I don’t want to be
married to anyone okay, NOT YOU, AND NOT HIM!” Mickey yells at Colt and he’s
just as fucking pissed off now more than he was and continues yelling at Colt.
“Now explain to me and tell me what do you know! Tell me what the fuck do you
know about me that I don’t fucking know Colt?” Mickey says between his teeth,
but when Colt says nothing Mickey becomes upset fast “TELL ME DAMMIT! What the
fuck do you know!?” Mickey yells at him again in rage and pushes Colt
violently. When he does that his head starts to hurt again, but he tries to
ignore it; Colt is yelling at Mickey now. But Mickey shrinks at him yelling and
covers his ears.
Colt was saying something but then stops when Mandy walks in the room and saw
Mickey holding his head like he was in pain again and covering his ears at the
same time. Mandy runs up to Mickey, to see if he is okay and turns to glare at
Colt now. “What the fuck did you do him!” Mandy yells at Colt.
“Nothing!” Colt spats back out “I didn’t do shit to him…..he just started
freaking the fuck out yelling and shit and now this.” Colt says keeping away
from Mandy and Mickey. Colt notices a redheaded girl walking close. “What are
you doing here?” he asked her
“None of your fucking business,” Debbie says and rolls her eyes at Colt. And
turns her attention to Mickey and Mandy “is he okay Mandy?” Debbie asked in
concern.
“I don’t know? Mickey….Mickey are you okay. Mickey fuck, answer me.” Mandy says
frantically to him.
He looks up at her smiles and he giggles. “Who’s Mickey?” he says in a
childlike manner.
***** The Alters *****
Chapter Notes
     Trigger warning. There is mention of Child abuse. In addition there
     is some minor violence and also don't be alarmed but you will know
     why some words are spelled a certain way. As if a child was speaking.
     I do love all of your comments and kudos thank you so much. It does
     inspire me to try my best with this story. Please let me know what
     you think I don't have a beta so all mistake are on me, so I's sorry.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Who’s Mickey?” He says to Mandy, his voice has changed and he sounds more like
child. He’s rocking back and forth and twisting his fingers in his shirt. He’s
smiling at her like nothing is wrong.
Mandy’s eyes widen, and look back at Debbie who looks at her the same and back
at Mickey. “You’re Mickey” Mandy says to him and he looks at her confused like
she is wrong.
“That’s not my name silly, my names Mikhailo.  You have pretty eyes like my
sista, what’s your name?” Mickey says rocking back and forth on his heels and
smiles at her.
Mandy is looking at her brother with sadden eyes now. She knows something has
happened to him and she’s cursing herself for it now. “Well my name is Mandy”
And Mickey cuts her off before she can finish
“Really!? That’s sooo cool Dat’s my older sista name too!” He says happily
“Oh yeah, Well I bet she’s awesome like me….”  Mandy says and looks at Debbie
with a worried expression and then looks at Colt. She turns back around to see
that Mickey is looking at Debbie and Colt and it looks like he’s studying them.
He seems to be curiously about them. Mandy decides to tell Mikhailo who they
are.  “Hey Mikhailo, this is my friend Debbie (she points to Debbie) and this
asshole here (pointing to Colt) is Colt….Mickey-I mean Mikhailo….(she sighs)
Hey… can I call you Mickey?... And Can I ask you how old you are?” Mandy asked
her brother. She notices that Mickey is not acting like an adult; she can tell
by the way he is talking and saying some words to her.
Mickey is laughing at Mandy “OOOOOuuuuu you said a bad wurd. (he giggles again)
I am 4 years old,  aaannnnnnd OKAY! You can call me Mickey! I LIKE IT!” he says
as he raises his hand up at her, “Will you be my furend?” he asks her and when
she nods her head, he walks up to her and whispers something into her ear. “I’m
scared of dat man, he was yelling at me and saying mean things….can you stay
with me puerze?” He says to her again his tone is like a childlike his whole
poster has changed and he looks so innocent at her like he’s going to cry.
“Of course I can. Me and you, we’re going to be best friends okay. But first
can you go with Debbie in that room over there. You go play some video games or
you can paint if you want okay. While I call my doctor friend to come in and
check on you and make sure that; that man didn’t hurt you okay.” Mandy tells
Mickey and he nods his head franticly and pulls his hand out for Debbie who
instantly takes it and goes with the young 4 year old Mickey into one of the
rooms. Mandy then turns quickly and looks at Colt and shoves him so hard he
falls to the floor. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU” she hisses low at him
“You were yelling at him for what?”
“None of your business” Colt snaps out at her, and that was the wrong thing to
say.
“None of my- none my business…really?” and Mandy is beyond pissed now. She only
ever spoke her native tongue when she was that mad. “shukaty vam shmatok layna,
ty pryyshov pokazaty z nizvidky I ramtom moyi brat rozkoly I v inshiy zminyty.
U vas ye, shchob buty chertovsky zhartuyesh.”  ( Look you piece of shit you
come show up out of nowhere and all of a sudden my brother splits and into
another alter now .) She hisses out at him in a low threaten voice as she spoke
to Colt not wanting to scare her 4 year old brother in the other room.
“What the fuck did you say to him? And if you tell me none of my business again
I will personally make sure that not only will I remove your teeth from your
fucking mouth, but I will castrate your ass. And when I’m done with you; you’ll
be begging me to kill you, and Colt trust you and me I have the money to make
it happen. You’ve been on my shit list for long time buddy so you better choose
your words carefully NOW!” she finishes off.
Of course Colt told her after that, he was a pussy. “We were talking and I was
pissed at him okay; pissed at Nick and for Mickey allowing him to do half the
shit he did. I didn’t want hear a fucking apology I wanted to know why.” Colt
says as he stood up from the floor. It was right then that Mandy gave him a
right hook to the face.
“Get out! Get the FUCK OUT!  And  don’t  come back!” Mandy says and pushes him
out the door “this mother fucker must be out of his mind.” Mandy says to
herself once she closed the door on Colt. She then pulls out her phone to call
Mickeys Doctor and her brothers next.
**********
Charlene was at Mickeys apartment within 20 minutes. She told Mandy to act
normal with Mickey’s new alter and to not scare him, since he wasn’t afraid of
her. When Charlene gets there, Collin, and Iggy are already there and Mandy is
in the room with Debbie and Mickey. She goes and knocks on the door and made
her presence known. Mickey looks up at her and it seems like he was painting on
the floor. He has paint all over his hands and he is smiling. He ignores her as
she walks into the room still painting and showing Debbie what he was doing.
 Debbie’s phone rang and saw it was Ian, she tells Mandy she has to take the
call and that it was from Ian and walks out of the room. Debbie also tells
Mickey that she will be right back and he nods his head at her. Mandy steps out
the room with Charlene and tells Mickey she would be back. Mandy tells Iggy and
Collin to stay with him and they do. Mandy tells Charlene what happened when
she came in and how Mickey was acting. Charlene takes in all this information
and makes her way back into the room and looks at Mickey. She asked him if she
can sit with him, Mickey looks up at her and nods his head yes and continues
doing what he was doing. He looks so much like a child sitting there painting
with his hands and giggle the whole time and singing to himself.
“Hi Mickey, my name is Charlene. How are you feeling?” Dr. Jimenez says to him
handing him a lollipop.
He takes the lollipop with his painted hands and puts it in his mouth and talks
to her “I’m okay, I’m painteeng for my new phwiend she has red hair, and hur
name is Debbie. She nice, she told me she wants to be a teachor and teach kids
in kindergarten, so when I grow up I can go to hur. She has funny dots on hur
face. I like them, but she’s nice to me. I like it when people are nice….are
you nice?” He asked her tilting his head to the side smiling at her with the
lollipop in his mouth.
“Yes Mickey I am nice, I’m a doctor and I’m here to make sure you’re okay. Can
you tell me if anything is hurting you right now?” Dr. Jimenez asked
“My head hurts a little, but my tummy hurts a lot a lot, I’m hungry.” He says
then looks at Mandy “Can I have sump’en to eat puerze” he says to her.
“Sure kiddo, what do you want? You can have anything” Mandy says to him;
Charlene told her to act normal and answer Mickey in a manner his alter would
not freak out.
Mickey eyes widen and he smiles from ear to ear when he responds “Ice cream! I
want Ice Cream” he shouts getting up jumping up and down. “I want chocolate
sprinkles and lot, lot of it. And Can I get like this many” he says as he opens
his arms wide to show her. Mandy smiles at him and nods her head at him and he
is so excited that he runs up to her and hugs her with the paint still in his
hand; that is now all over her back. But she didn’t care. “Thank you” Young
Mickey says and went back to his painting. Just then Debbie walks in
“I have to go. Ian’s home, he said he needed to get away for a bit and
apologized to me and to you for going out of our minds looking for him. But he
said he isn’t feeling well. He was coughing up a lung while I was talking to
him and it sounded like he was throwing up to.” Debbie says to Mandy while
making a disgusting face expression when she mentions throw up.
Mickey overheard what Debbie said and looks scared “Oh My God NO!  He gonna
die? You cough up a lung you die Debbie!” Young Mickey says and he had such a
worried look on his face.
“No no –no Mickey, it was a figure of speech sweaty. I am so, so sorry…But I
have to go home to my brother. He needs me right now okay. You can finish the
painting for me and I will come back and pick it up later, yeah.” Debbie says
to Mickey. He simply nods his head and gives her a hug as well. Debbie just
laughs and hugs him back because now she had to blue hand prints on her back.
“I’ll see you another time okay little man.”
“Oooookay Bye Debbie” Young Mickey says and waves his hands at her. Just then
Collin and Iggy were looking at Mickey the whole time. He had paint all over
his face now as he scratched it. Charlene spoke to them in private letting them
know that this is a child alter of Mickeys, who are also known as ‘little one’.
These child alter will talk like in a childlike-way.  In addition it is more
than likely that some child alters hold memories of child abuse. She explained
to them that Mickey may not be able to write his name probably or even say some
words correctly as well as understand certain things. She explained to the
Milkovich siblings that it seems his child-alter is holding on to fun memories;
positive ones which is why he is so happy and loving.
Mickey is eating the big bowl of ice cream that Mandy gave him and he is
enjoying it. He has ice cream all over his face and he is sticky. Now he’s just
talking to Iggy and Collin and laughing as they were making jokes that were
child appropriate. After Mickey finishes eating his ice cream, Iggy tries to
help him into the bathroom to clean off the stickiness. Mickey said he wanted a
bubble bath so Iggy ran the water for him, but then Mickey gets scared and
starts screaming “NO GET AWAY! DON’T TOUCH ME!” he says and starts crying.
Mickey is backing up against the wall as if he was trying really hard to get
further away. Just then Charlene, Mandy and Collin come in the bathroom to see
what’s happening.
“What did you do?” Charlene asked Iggy calmly.
“I just turned on the water for him and was helping him get into the bathtub to
take a bath. He said he wanted bubbles so I was doing just that and he freaked
out.” Iggy explained frantically.
Young Mickey is now at the end of the bathroom with his legs up to his chest
crying and rocking back and forth. Charlene approaches him slowly and kneels
down to in front of him, but not too close to him. “Mickey what’s wrong? Can
you tell me what happened?”
“He’s gonna put me in the tub again and hurt me.” Young Mickey says lowly, his
eyes were fixed on the floor and it looks like he was remembering something as
he spoke “He’s mean to me.”
“Who’s going to hurt you Mickey, who’s mean to you?” Dr. Charlene asked
“Daddy…he put me in the tub and holds me under da water sometimes. When I take
too long in da bathtub…but I’m sorry I didn’t mean to take too long.” Child
Mickey says to her and he is crying. “He said I didn’t clean myself right. He
puts da hot water on and makes me stand in… (Mickey hiccup his words as he
spoke to her now and he seems more scared now as he talks) he told me I have to
wash myself right….He’s mean-but don’t tell him I said dat because he will get
mad at me again….and I don’t like it when he hits me. Don’t tell him puerze
don’t.” Young Mickey says as tears rolled down his face.
“I won’t tell him Mickey I promise, but can you tell me more about your daddy
Mickey?” Charlene asked him
“He calls me names, but it’s because I duop stuff all da time. So I try not to
duop stuff because he gets mad and he yells and hits me sometimes. He burned me
one time on my hand here because I duopped da milk on the floor…..I-I-I didn’t
mean to, I just wanted Milk and no one will help me.” Mickey says lowly in a
whisper and is crying again.
“It’s okay Mickey, it’s okay you don’t have to worry okay. No one here will
tell him. You’re safe here. Now can you tell me anything else Mickey?” Dr.
Jimenez asked
“No I can’t…Ouch!” He says and his head is starting to hurt again “It hurts!
Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!” he screams.  When he lets go of his head he looks
up at Charlene and wipes his tears away from his face and looks around. “Why am
I crying? And what the fuck are you doing here?” He says to Dr. Jimenez.
Charlene was hesitant but spoke anyways “Mickey?”
His face looks confused with disgust on it “No it’s not fucking Mickey… Where’s
Ian? And why they fuck am I in here with you all?” Nick says furiously, while
looking at everyone in the room. “Answer ME DAMMIT!”
“Nick, Ian is at home or at work. He’s not here.” Dr. Jimenez says
“What did you do to him? Why the fuck am I here without him.” Nick says
furiously again not directing the question to anyone. “I gotta get the fuck
outta here.” Nick says and processed to leave the bathroom that was when Collin
stops him.
“No Nick you can’t. Mickey gave us instruction in case this were to happen.
Leah did you call the hospital already?” Collin says to her and Nick saw that
she was on the phone talking to someone and turns back quickly to look Dr.
Jimenez in disbelief.
“I’m not going fucking back. You can all fuck yourselves. NO FUCKING WAY! I’m
Not going anywhere with you fucking people! Where is Ian, I need to see Ian
now. You can’t fuckin do this to me!” Nick says in a rage.
“Yes we can. Mickey made us his beneficiary in case something like this where
happened.” Collin says to Nick.
“Fuck you is what happened. My husband is the only person that can make those
decision now and you ain’t him.” Nick says to Collin pointing at him.
“Nick, you, nor Mickey are married to anyone so what the fuck is you talking
about?” Iggy says now.
“Yes the fuck we are. I married Ian” He says and turns to look at Collin and
Leah “So you better fuckin call off your dogs, cause I ain’t going nowhere.” He
hisses out at them.
“You’re lying and even if it were true it can’t be legal right?” Collin says to
Dr. Charlene.
“Honestly I don’t know. If he used Mickey’s ID and Name then technically yes
it’s legal. We would have to go through weeks of court to show the judge that
he’s a danger to himself and other. But then again the spouse is the one who
has to consent to anything.” Dr. Jimenez says talking to the Milkovich siblings
then she directed her last sentence to Nick. “But right now Nick can be lying
about being married to Ian. I would need to see proof before we can take your
word on it Nick.”
“You think I’m fucking stupid. CALL IAN RIGHT NOW! You think I’m lyin’ he’s my
husband and you can’t do this shit to me! Now move the fuck out of my way!”
Nick says in angry.
“No one is saying anything Nick okay. But right now what we need you to do is
calm down for a bit okay. Mickey had another alter come out and it wasn’t you.”
Dr. Charlene says hoping it would calm the man down a bit. To say the least
Nick not shocked but yet surprised.
“Another alter? Who- who was it?” Nick says quickly
“Well Charlene said it had to be Mickey when he was younger. He called himself
Mikhailo, he was four years old.” Mandy says to Nick who looks at her sad and
then turns to look at himself in the mirror. He notices that he’s covered in
pant and he can taste ice cream in his mouth. He touches his face and it was
sticky.
“Oh shit!” He whispered to himself, no one heard him but Dr. Charlene.
“Do you know who he is? Or do you remember anything?” Dr. Charlene asked him
slowly and carefully.
“No!” Nick said quickly and nervous, but Charlene didn’t believe him but didn’t
want to push any further.
“Why don’t we just let Nick get cleaned up okay. I’m sure he wants to get his
clothes cleaned and remove the paint off of him. Then we can talk more
okay…Let’s not get ahead of ourselves” Dr. Jimenez says and walks past Nick.
Collin wanted to object, but Charlene gave him a face to not. So everyone left
the bathroom and Nick looks in the mirror and turns away. He knew who Mikhailo
was “but why did he let him out.” Nick says to himself and then proceeded to
get undress while grabbing the phone from his pocket and tries to call Ian.
When he didn’t pick up, Nick text Ian and called him again, but nothing came
through. He left him a voicemail telling him to come get him that they were
holding him hostage. “Fuck where are you Ian.” Nick says again.
Nick showers and gets dressed in his preferred clothes, not Mickeys. He never
understood why Mickey had shitty taste in clothes.  Before leaving Mickey’s
room, Nick calls Ian again from Mickey’s phone but nothing again so he left a
voicemail “Look asshole you better answer the damn phone! I need you now baby;
there trying to fucking send me to a fucking hospital and fucking there saying
Mickey gave them some beneficiary rights or some shit. But that shits void
because of me and you, so can you please, please Ian pick up your fucking
phone! Ian you promised you wouldn’t leave me (Nick voice started to crack) I
can’t fucking go back there. That’s for crazy people and I’m not fucking
crazy…Baby I’m back so come get me and NOW!” Nick says over the phone and hangs
up the phone.
Once Nick hangs up the phone, he goes and walks out of his room to see 3 larger
men there dressed in nurse outfits. He starts to back away slowly, because this
shit can’t be fucking happening. They can’t put him in the fucking nut house?
Not again! He remembers that Mickey keeps a gun next to his bed inside his
night stand. The first thing Nick does is he takes a picture fame from the wall
right next to him and quickly smashes it against one of the male nurse head. He
then runs back into the room next to the night stand and opens the draw to get
the gun, but there’s no gun. ‘What the fuck’ he thinks to himself and then one
of the male nurses comes from behind him and grabs him. He end up head budding
them from the back and gets out of the hold the man had on him. Meanwhile Nick
didn’t notice that the other male nurse and Charlene were next to him. The male
nurse grabs Nick quickly while Charlene gave him a shot of medication. Nick
swung a left hook at the nurse, just as he’s done that, he then starts to feel
drowsy. He put his hand on the wall and tries to balance himself. But Nick just
fell and put his back against the wall and then everything goes black.
****************************************
When Nick comes to he is already in the ambulance this time and he’s wearing a
straitjacket. He tries to fight harder. One of the nurses then goes to try and
help Nick sit up from where he is at on the stretcher. That result ended with
Nick biting the nurse hard. Nick is beyond upset and was making things even
more badly for himself.
“LET GO OF ME! LET ME GO!” Nick screams at the nurses and continues to scream
as the nurses brings him in to the hospital yet again. “NO NOT AGAIN! LET ME
GO! LET ME FUCKING GO! LET ME GO! IMA KILL MY STUPID FUCKING BROTHER!  LET ME
GO, YOU CAN’T DO THIS! YOU FUCKING PEOPLE HAVE NO RIGHT, NO FUCKING RIGHT!” He
continues on yelling over and over again.
“Please be careful with him!” Collin yells out to the nurses who are trying to
restrain Nick again.
“I’m sorry sir, but he’s a danger to us, and the staff.” One male nurse says as
the other was trying to hold Nick down. There were three big male nurses and
yet they were still struggling to hold Nick down.
“Fuck you! You stupid Bitch! Just you fucking wait till I get out of here!”
Nick says to Collin and the nurse goes to take Nick into the padded room. “Let
me go! No! Call Ian someone, call IAN!” Nick yells at them again.
Collin is just standing looking on and is wordless to say anything; Mandy and
Iggy were talking to someone and Leah was with Collin rubbing his back. There
were no words needed to say. He had to commit his brother and Him Mandy and
Iggy needed to make a decision on what to do now.
“Get your fucking hands off of me or I’ll fucking take them off.” Nick shouts
at the nurses as they remove their hands off of him and let him sit on his bed
alone. Nick is furious they couldn’t keep him in here. Collin had no right
whatsoever. Neither of Mickeys siblings had rights over him.
“Does my brother really need to be in a padded cell and to have a straitjacket
on? Can you at least remove the jacket please?” Mandy says to one of the nurse.
“I’m sorry but we were told he was to be treated with extreme caution. Plus he
bit one of my other nurses. He’s a danger to us and staff.” The male nurse says
to Mandy. Mandy looks defeated as she looks in the window of the door and saw
Nick trying to get out of the jacket. Nick sees her and is looking at her and
he yells again “Zatelefonuyte Ian Mendi! Nazyvaty yoho! Bud’ laska!” ( Call Ian
Mendi! Call him! Please!) . She turns around in tears and left to go find out
what was going to happen to her brother.
“Can we see him at least then” Collin says to one of the male nurses.
“With all due respect sir; I would advise against that. He’s very violent and
right now we weren’t able to give him more medication to calm him down. We
don’t even know how he managed to get up from what Dr. Jimenez gave him. He
should have been drowsy at least. ” The Male nurse says to Collin, but Collin
didn’t care.
“I get that, but that’s my brother in there, and I need to see him please. At
least let me go in there.” Collin says to the nurse. The nurse looks like he
wants to say no again, but just sighs and says okay to Collin and tells him if
he needs any of the nurses to call them. They were going to be outside the door
just in case.
 Collin walks in the padded room and is looking at Nick now.
“Came in here all by yourself huh? You must be either the bravest piece of shit
I know or the dumbest mother fucker I know. You chose, your pick!” Nick says to
Collin with so much venom behind his voice. If his hands were not locked up
like they were now; he would be strangling Collin.
“Nick I need you to understand we’re doing this for you, to help you.” Collin
starts off with.
“And I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT I DON’T NEED MY HANDS AND ARMS TO HURT YOU!”
Nick shouts at Collin.
“Nick please! You have to let us help you. You’re out of control right now.”
Collin pleads with Nick so that he could understand why he is at the hospital
again.
“Yeah well you ain’t seen nothing yet! But guess what Collin? I’m still here
and where or where is Mickey huh! Oh Wait! He left AGAIN; like he always
fucking does…you know what this time you’re never gonna see him again, if I
have anything to say about it.” Nick says growling at Collin.
“What do you want Nick? You can’t have Mickey’s life, you know this!” Collin
says to Nick firmly.
“I want my life!” Nick shouts at Collin again trying to get out of the
restraints he's in.
“Why do you always lash out on me? Why do you hate me so much?” Collin says to
Nick sadly.
“Really! Well hmmm let me think. Oh yeah, I’m in here because of you!” Nick
says snapping at Collin.
“I LOVE YOU NICK PLEASE!” Collin yells at his brother hoping to get much better
response.
Nick just stops and stares at Collin for a moment before he speaks. “…..You
love me?” Nick asked Collin. Nick continues to look at Collin in shock, but he
wasn’t falling for that shit. Collin didn’t love Nick; he loved Mickey and not
him. No one loved him, only Ian did.
Collin nods his head up and down while he speaks to Nick. “Yes Nick I do;
you’re a part of Mickey and I love him and you.” Collin says with so much
emotion in his voice.
Nick is beyond pissed, in fact he is Livid. All Collin was trying to do is lie
to him. His words meant nothing to Nick. “GO TO HELL! You might as well go home
and plan Mickeys funeral because I would rather die than let Mickey back out!”
“No! Mickey won’t let that happen, and I damn sure ain’t gonna let that happen.
I’m going to talk to Charlene about some kind of therapy method for you. Mickey
told me to make sure you guys were taking care of. I won’t let you ruin my
brother life.” Collin says
“See right there” Nick says to Collin while giving him a smirk. “That’s how I
know you were lying to me… Just let me tell you something, you fucking piece of
shit! You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!” Nick says as he walks back-words to the wall
and sat down leaning against it smiling at Collin. He’s looking directly at
Collin with such hate that Collin had to leave the room right then and there.
***********************************************************************************
As soon as Collin steps out of the room, he saw Mandy and Iggy talking to
another doctor. Dr. Taylor it was. Charlene was called into an emergency and
she asked Leah for help, so she went with her. Collin didn’t know this doctor
but he was given Mickeys file to look over while Charlene handles what she
needed to handle. However Mandy was shaking her head no and Iggy was as well.
They both looked pissed off and they were glaring at him like he was the enemy
now. So Collin walks up to them to see what they were talking about. “What’s
wrong? What’s the matter?” Collin says directing his question to everyone.
“Dr. Taylor wants to fucking give Mickey Electroshock therapy. He just got
Mickeys folder, he knows nothing about him Collin. I want Charlene back here
now!” Mandy snaps out like the words burned her.
“At the moment Dr. Jimenez is dealing with an emergency but once she’s done she
will come back here. I did go over his file back and forth. I assure you that
this is a best option for Mickey, if you want him back.” Dr. Taylor says.
“Fucking Dr. Taylor said something about it fucking being safe and that it will
help Mickey and most likely bring him back.” Iggy says then.
That was when Dr. Taylor jumps in as he saw that the younger siblings did not
agree with the treatment. “Look Collin I was talking to one of my colleagues
and I went over Mickey’s chart since Charlene is dealing with an emergency at
the moment. I think that it's best opinion and he also suggested that it would
best for us to give Mickey ECT. We can control the voltages and it won’t be
high at all. We would give him the least invasive technique.” Dr. Taylor says
to Collin who is just nodding his head as he listens to the doctor.
“How long will the treatment be for? And will he get any damaged from it if I
say yes to it. Will it bring back my brother?” Collin says to Dr. Taylor
That was when both Mandy and Iggy look at Collin like he was the one who needed
to be locked up in a fucking padded room. “You can’t be fucking serious Collin.
Are you really suggesting this?” Iggy says to Collin.
“If we get Mickey back, then yes.” Collin says looking at his brother and
sister.
“No. No fucking way  AM  I agreeing to it.” Mandy says and Iggy sides with
Mandy.
Collin looks at Dr. Taylor and asked him if there was anything other than the
ECT treatment. Dr. Taylor gives him his honest opinion on the matter and tells
Collin if he ever wants Mickey back; that this would be one of the best ways.
Dr. Taylor tells Collin that the fact that Nick is fighting so hard to stay out
and in control, that they can lose Mickey. Collin didn’t know what to do. He
wanted to talk to Charlene about this but she was dealing with an emergency in
the hospital and Leah was helping out as well. Fuck! He decided to try one more
time to get through to Nick so that Mickey can come back out. It was worth a
shot. Plus this doctor didn’t know Mickey well, so how could he know what was
best for him. But losing his brother was not an opinion and if it needed to be
done then he would do it.
********************************
“You will never learn will you Nick.” The Alter says to Nick. Nick turns around
to see who was speaking and sees an image of him but not him. The alter is
wearing glasses, his hair was slick back and he was wearing a long sleeve
turtleneck shirt with black slacks. God Nick thought he looked like a stuck up
asshole.
“Who asked you? Get the fuck out of here!” Nick says to the other alter.
“I’m locked in our head remember?” The alter says as he motions towards his
head.
“Then help me to get the fuck outta here!” Nick shouts at the alter while
trying to struggle against the jacket.
“You can start by resisting the impulse to bite and fight the medical staff.”
The alter says flatly
“I will bite and kick anyone’s ass before I let them keep me in here.  Or let
Mickey back out. No fucking way is that happening again… And News flash asshole
I’m not going anywhere.” Nick snaps back out.
“And why is that?” The alter asked Nick.
“Because I want to be with Ian, I want my life! For fuck sacks I deserve it!
You know he’s good for us okay.” Nick says while still trying to get himself
free from the stray-jacket, which was not working.
“You have taken advantage of Mickey Nick.” The alter says looking at Nick
firmly
Nick snaps his head up looking at the alter and shaking his head. “What the
fuck? I haven’t done nothin’ okay, and neither has Ian. He’s not like that Colt
and you know it.” Nick says to the other alter with so much heat behind his
voice.
“Well Ian knew that Mickey was sick and yet he still married him, and still
kept him away from his family.” The alter said deadpan to Nick.
“Yeah a family who doesn’t know him; and Ian didn’t do anything wrong and you
know that!” Nick says
“Be that as it may, you are a fragment of Mickey for when he is unable to cope
with things. Our first integration process is being attempted and he may not be
ready, but that is not for you to decide.” The alter says flatly to Nick.
“I HATE YOU! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Nick yells at him and
then the alter disappeared again.
Just then Collin walks in and Nick turns around and looks at him. Collin is
just looking at him and then Collin begins to speak. He thought maybe scaring
Nick with ECT will do the trick and if not. Then there was no choice but to go
with that treatment. “Why are you doing this Nick?” Collin asked Nick.
“Because well hmm let’s see, I have a life too and it feels good.” Nick says
snickering at Collin.
“It feels good….okay how so?” Collin asked curiously
“Really? (Nick chuckles and continues to talk) Taking a hot shower, the warmth
on my skin, dancing on stage to loud music and being free! Driving a car fast
as I can, blasting music as loud as I can, painting and draw it all  makes me
feel  good. Kissing a hot guy and feeling that pleasure. Having sex and
touching and being held…It’s like an energy that just fucking feels good!  So
what do you think huh? You can go fuck yourself” Nick says to Collin.
“Well, Nick. You’re going to cooperate and you’re gonna let Mickey come back.”
Collin says to Nick, trying to be strong and hard and letting Nick know that he
wasn’t playing games.
“Whooo the fuck are you huh?” (Nick raises his eyebrows so high up you would
have thought they disappeared) “Why would I do that? hmpm What’s in it for me?
Oh yeah, that’s right NOTHING!” Nick says.
“Nick you’re a defense mechanism, you’re Mickey’s protector, you’re just a
fragment of Mickey, the one who helps him. I get that okay I do.” Collins says
“Whatever you say; just because the Doc gave you some insight to D.I.D you
think you’re some kind of fuckin expert or some shit,” Nick says sarcastically
to him.
“Here’s the thing. Either you bring back Mickey or we agree to
electroconvulsive therapy.” Collin says to him with a serious tone to his
voice. That sentence alone makes Nick turn around quickly and look at Collin to
see if he was bullshitting or not.
Nick is looking at Collin to see if he was bluffing, but he didn’t see anything
in the man eyes that indicated he was lying to Nick. “You wouldn’t do that,
your bluffing. You wouldn’t risk frying your precious Mickey’s brain.”
“Well see ECT has come a long way and Dr. Taylor has assured me that there is
no frying of any kind of sort. The doctor will give you a very small controlled
dose of it and you would be sensitized” Collin says calmly to Nick.
‘Who the fuck is Doctor Taylor?’ Nick thought to himself; Collin had to be
bluffing there’s no way he would do that to Mickey “Oh is that right Collin.
(Nick says laughing) Sensitize me why don’t you. Because me being here reminds
you of every single fuck up you did! Of every time you walked away and left
Mickey alone to defend himself from those monsters and what they did to us….Do
I remind you of everything you lost Collin? You’re youth, your adult years of
having fun and being reckless, of having a life….No…no you see you’ve lost your
soul and what’s left of it. I mean look at you. When’s the last time you ever
lived your life and felt free and good huh?” Nick says taunting Collin and
trying to intimidate him.
“You know…when I held my daughter for the first time. When I asked you if you
can be the godfather and you said yes. When I told you I’m sorry for everything
that happened and you never knew and I was happy that you didn’t remember. And
especially when you told me you were happy. That was me living my life. Being
able to take care of you, Mandy, and Iggy…that was my life and still is. NO
matter what Nick, I don’t regret a damn thing. I wish to god I was around more
to make sure nothing happened to you, but I wasn’t and I can’t change that, and
I’m sorry. So no I haven’t lost my soul, I’ve made peace with the past because
I had to for my family, but most importantly for my daughter.” Collin says to
Nick
“Yeah well, I don’t believe you for a second. Plus that whole I’m happy and
blah blah, blah bullshit…that was all Mickey, not me.” Nick says to Collin
glaring at him. “That was Mickey Collin, not me.”
“No, you see it was you as well. You’re apart of Mickey, so it was you as
well….I know it can’t be much fun for you in here.” Collin says gesturing to
the padded room around them.
“Well, I won’t be here long,” Nick says with confidence.
“No you won’t; and like I said you’re going to cooperate and let Mickey come
back,” Collin says to Nick again in a more stronger tone behind his voice.
“Again smartass; why the fuck would I do that huh?” Nick says to Collin
“Nick you have to allow Mickey to integrate. You know that I know that, and he
knows that. He has to come out and deal with things he has to face and have his
life back. You’re preventing Mickey from coming back.” Collin says now more
irritated at Nick then he was before
“Oh REALLY! Then where the fuck is he, Collin, huh? I am not preventing shit
okay.  I’m living my life! He’s the one that left and here I am!” Nick shouts
at Collin.
Collin now tries to reason with Nick but keeps strong in front of him. “Nick
you know that you will continue to exist as a part of Mickey, you have to know
this.” Collin pleads with him.
“As what!” Nick says and his voice is trembling as he speaks and Collin’s
looking at him sadly now “As an occasional wisecrack of a joke or fucking
artist? As what huh; as nothing okay! No… No, If I go back I lose
everything….Do you think that Mickey is the only one with a life here? People
love me, you, Mandy and Iggy you said you love me right. So why can’t you let
me live my life and be happy about it. Why can’t you all love me as Nick?
Ian…Ian, he loves me, no matter who I am…I know this.” Nick says strongly to
Collin.
Collin walks up to Nick and turns him around to undo the straitjacket. Collin
couldn’t see his brother like this anymore. Then he spoke “Nick you’re apart of
Mickey, of course, we all love you,” Collin says but was cut off by Nick again.
“I’m not a part of anything Collin! I’m  Me  don’t you get that! Please don’t
you see that? I’m-I’m all of Mickey’s wants and needs and his desires! Don’t
you people fucking get that! If you get rid of me you’re killing everything in
Mickey, everything that is him in every fucking way!” Nick says and his eyes
are glassy now.
“I can’t lose my brother. Now unless you give me back my brother I’m gonna have
to take him back by force Nick.” Collin says very seriously looking at Nick eye
to eye not losing contact.
“…..I chose life. I’m not going anywhere.” Nick says and with that Collin walks
out of the padded room.
                         ****************************
Collin walks out the room and looks up at his brother and sister. “We have to
do it. He has to get the ECT treatment. We can’t allow him to continue to do
this to Mickey; the last time he was out he disappeared for nearly a year. I
won’t lose my brother again!” Collin says in a rush to siblings.
“I don’t care what you say, I’m not agreeing to it and neither is Iggy,” Mandy
says to Collin. Not caring what they said, Collin was desperate and agreed to
the treatment by telling Doctor Taylor to go ahead with the treatment. Mandy
and Iggy protested and refused to consent to this treatment. They both wanted
to speak to Dr. Jimenez first. Mandy had remembered what Nick said to her
earlier, so she texts Debbie and asked her for Ian’s number. Debbie gave it to
her without a problem and asked why a few seconds later. Mandy told her what
was happening and that Nick said him and Ian were married.
Mandy asked Debbie if that was true, and Debbie said yes that it was because
she was there when they did get married.  With that new information there was
no way that her and her brothers could give consent; let only have Collin. But
Mandy and Iggy needed Ian to get down here and show the hospital that they were
married. If that helped her brother from getting ECT then she would do it.
Collin obviously wasn’t listening or thinking straight and this fucking doctor
Taylor wasn’t any better.
Mandy knew her brother, and she knew Mickey wouldn’t consent to ECT treatment.
They had talked about it and he didn’t want that at all. Mandy texts Ian and
told him to hurry his ass to the hospital. Ian told her he was on his way and
for her and Iggy to try and stall the doctors and Collin from doing anything to
Mickey.
While that was happening this was happening in the white cell padded room
_________________
“FUCK!” Nick yells out holding his head. He was getting a bad headache, and
then-- “What the fuck?....Let me out you can’t do this.” Nick says to other
alters.
“Actually yes I can Nick.  You have put us in a situation where Mickey
wellbeing is in danger.” The alter says to Nick, his tone was firm and strong
but he had no emotions within his face.
“God Damn it, Rick! I had everything under control you know that! Collin isn’t
gonna use ECT on Mickey he wouldn’t do that! Plus Ian will come for us, I know
he will...Don’t you fucking do this you selfish piece of shit!” Nick says,
revealing yet another alter he knew about besides him and little Mickey.
“I am not being selfish. You know how this goes, and please do stop calling me
Rick. That is an awful nickname for me.” Rick says calmly, emotionless as he
looks at the image of themselves. “You are the reason why Mickey is in the
hospital,” Richard says calmly emotionless again it was his way of talking that
Nick got annoyed with.
“Oh, I’m Sorry Mr. Goody two shoes Richard!” Nick says sarcastically “Look
okay, you think I don’t know that? Let me Out RICK! …  Rick would you listen to
me!” Nick yells to him. Nick was trying to get control again, but Nick was
stronger for some reason.
“And Why would I do that? ...You do know you are more trouble than you’re
worth.” Rick says coldly to Nick
The words were cold and Nick knew what he meant, but he didn’t care. He needs
to be in control and not have Richard in Control. “Look okay, you don’t
understand.” Nick begins to plead.
“I understand plenty, Nick. I know what goes on in Mickey’s mind. I see
everything and know everything that happens in the real world.” Rick says
emotionless to Nick looking at him as he appeared in front of him.
And that comment just irritates Nick more. “Look here Ricky! Don’t give me that
shit okay!  You don’t know shit! You’re always stuck in that fuckin place,
stuck in the dark cold isolated room we have in here (Nick points to his head),
with your stupid ass glasses and fucking turtleneck shirt looking at us like
we’re some fuckin experiment!” Nick says becoming more enraged with Rick by the
second.
“I do what I have to do in times of crisis, hence this is a time of crisis,”
Rick says dryly
Nick rolls his eyes at Rick. “Did you just try and fucking make a joke?” Nick
tilts his head to the left slightly in confusion at Nick’ comment. Nick just
shrugs his shoulders and continues on talking “You know what never mind I
asked. This isn’t a crisis! Jesus Christ, I have everything under control. I
know what the fuck I have to do.” Nick says to Rick.  
“Yes well know it’s up to me to get you out of this. You have led me no choice
in the matter really.” Rick says and turns away from Nick.
“Rick! Rick! I can handle this damn it!” Nick screams at him.
*****************************************************************
Rick straightens himself up and folds his jacket neatly. He pushes his hair
back so it’s nice and neat. He makes sure his shirt is tucked in his pants and
he walks up to the door in his cell room and knocks on it, trying to get
someone attention. The door flew open and there are three tall men there in
front of him. “I want to speak to Dr. Jimenez immediately,” Richard says to the
3 male nurses in blue scrubs.
“You can speak to her after you’re done with your treatment.” One nurse says to
him and grabs Richard by the arm while the other nurse grabs him by the other.
Richard simply looks at both men and did not struggle with them. Showing the
male nurses that he has no means to fight with them. “How did your jacket come
off,” another nurse asked him.
“It was Collin, and I must inform you that I have to speak with Dr. Charlene
Jimenez immediately. This is not a matter that can wait.” Richard says again
firmly this time.
“Well like these genital men said Nick, you can’t and right now. We’re taking
you for your first round of ECT.” The person in front of Rick, who looks like a
doctor said to him.
“You must be Dr. Taylor I assume.” When the man nods his head yes Richard
begins to speak. “Well you are not our doctor and you have no authority over
me, neither do Mickey’s siblings. My name is not Nick it’s Richard” Richard
says looking at the man up and down. “In addition, I don’t understand how they
can have someone like you as a doctor.”
Doctor Taylor, of course, was unimpressed with his new patient and ordered the
nurse to take him into the room for treatment. “Go take him to room 20 the
table is prep for treatment.”
The nurses take Mickey/Nick/Richard to the room, but he was fighting back now.
“You can’t do this! My brother has no authorization over me. Mickey’s proxy is
invalid!” Richard says again with more force and seriousness. But the nurses
weren’t hearing it, and put Mickey/Nick/Richard on the table and strapped him
in. He kept struggling and then he saw someone he didn’t expect to see.
Chapter End Notes
     So yes there is another 2 alters. I hope the ending of this chapter
     has you guys wanting more. Will Mickey get the ECT or not. I have
     written the next 2 chapters but I still have to edit so please bare
     with me. Again I love the comment and kudos and love xoxoxoxoxo
***** The Gate Keeper *****
Chapter Notes
     Ps. If you guys didn't know I have been rewriting a few things and
     editing at the same time with each chapter. So I suggest you go back
     and read it again from the beginning if you want to. I will put up a
     new chapter but after I have finished editing the whole story. So
     enjoy guys.
      
     Okay so here's the next chapter. Its short but I don't know about
     this one. I don't know if I did a great job with this one. But do let
     me know.
     ps
     I do love your comments and kudos so please leave them and let me
     know what you think. The next chapter I'm working on.
Mandy is running behind Ian along with Iggy trying to catch up with Mickey
before they took him to the examination room. He wasn’t in the room where he
was put in. “FUCK” They asked the nurse at the station where did they take
Mickey; once they found out where he was at Iggy went off to go find Dr.
Jimenez. They get to room 20 and all eyes including the man on the table were
looking at them.
“STOP IT NOW!” Ian says and goes into the room with Mandy as she went to the
table beside Mickey. “That is my husband and I didn’t consent or sign any
paperwork saying he can have this treatment. So before I have my brother come
in here and sue your asses and take everything you fucking own. You’re gonna
stop doing what you’re doing and remove my husband from the table.”  Ian says
with authority.
“We were told Mr. Milkovich has no spouse, and there is no legal documentation
showing that. His brother authorized this procedure; he’s the one that has
consent to Mr. Milkovich.” Dr. Taylor says to Ian.
“Well his brother doesn’t have this.” Ian says showing their marriage
certificate. “Plus even so, from my understanding you would need all three of
his siblings to consent, and you only got one.  So before I kick your ass I
suggest you get the fuck away from the bed and my husband…NOW!” Ian says and
his eyes became darker than anyone could imagine.
As that was happening Mandy was trying to remove the strapped belts off of
Mickey to help him up. The nurse tries to stop Mandy, but one look from Mandy
and the nurse backs down. Mandy takes out her knife from her pocket and starts
to cut the restraints off of Mickey; all the while still looking at the nurse
in front of her. All she told the nurse was “Try me and see what happens.” Of
course he doesn’t try and he just backs away from the table.
Charlene, Iggy, Leah and Collin walk into the room, looking at the scene in
front of them. Charlene was the first one to speak and she was livid. “What the
fuck happened? And why is Mickey in here?” When no one answers quickly enough
for her she becomes upset even more.  “I didn’t authorize this treatment!”
Charlene says. Leah is now looking at Collin right now because Iggy told her
what her husband did. If looks could kill, Leah would have killed Collin and
brought him back just to kill him again. “Answer ME GOD DAMMIT. Remove him from
this room now and bring into my room at once.” Charlene orders the nurses.
Charlene then walks up to Dr. Taylor and glares at him. “What the fuck do you
think you’re doing with my patient? You were supposed to only consulate with
me, not take action! I didn’t agree to this treatment and my patient doesn’t
want this treatment!” she hisses at him.
Dr. Taylor doesn’t say anything and Charlene continue to tell him off. “Have
you any fucking idea what you have done? ...He could be set back from all the
fucking work we have done. You could have messed up his progress and set him
back years. Are you out of your fucking mind!” she yells at Dr. Taylor. Dr.
Taylor didn’t get a chance to talk because once Charlene said what she needed
to say, Ian taps Dr. Taylor on the shoulders. Once Dr. Taylor turns around to
face the person who tapped him on the shoulder, Ian punches him straight in the
noise, sending Dr. Taylor on the floor on his back holding on to his bloody
nose.  Ian didn’t have to say anything to the good old doctor; he just grins at
the doctor on the floor and left the room. Charlene looks at the Dr. Taylor
shakes her head and stormed out of the room.
Dr. Charlene Jimenez walks up to the one Gallagher and 4 Milkovich people in
front of her. “What’s the matter, what’s wrong?” she says to no one in
particular.
“Mickey is married to Ian, so technically we have no say here. He can easily
take Mickey out of the hospital if he wants. Even though it was Nick and Ian
that got married, Nick signed the papers in Mickey’s name. So legally they are
married, and legally we aren’t his main care providers if something happens to
him. Iggy tells her
Charlene then turns to Ian now who is looking really uncomfortable right now.
“Mr. Gallagher, I know you have been through a lot, but right now I need to sit
and talk to Nick and help him and Mickey. Can you allow him to stay in here for
a couple of days, please?” she asked Ian
“I want to see him.” Ian says quickly “If and only if he says no then it’s no;
but if you want I can try and convince him. But once Nick makes up his mind
that’s it.” Ian says to her. She looks at the Milkovich siblings and then back
at Ian and nods her head in agreement.
“Okay. Follow me he should be in my room right now.” Charlene says and Ian
followed her.
Once they get to the room Ian walks over to the man he loves and kisses him.
Except Nick didn’t kiss back; When Ian pulls back and looks at Nick, he step
back and shook his head. “Nick? Nick what’s wrong? I came as soon as I could.
Did they hurt you?” Ian asked and when he looks at Nick again he sees how
different Nick looks like and is well not the Nick he knows would normally
look.
Richard went up to Ian and takes his hand and shakes it. “I’m not Nick I am
Richard. And I thank you for getting us out of there. I had to admit I did not
see you coming to get us at all. But Nick was hopeful to say the least.”
Richard says and walks over to Dr. Jimenez who was near her desk and takes her
glasses off of her desk and put them on his. “There. That’s better.” He says
and looks at Charlene and Ian.
“You’re not Nick?  You’re another alter?” Ian says to him.
“No I am not Nick and Yes, I am another one of Mickey’s alters. Nick was not
able to control the situation, so I had to step in.” Richard says to Ian simply
with an expressionless face.
Ian looks at Charlene and nods his head. He walks up to Richard and kisses him
on the cheek and tells him he loved him no matter what. Richard had no emotions
towards that and nodded his head simple, and then Ian left the room.
Ian walks out the room and is still in shocked of what just happened. He didn’t
know how to processes everything. He looks at Mandy who’s comes up to him and
asked him what was wrong. Ian looks sick and hurt all at once. This was becomes
harder and harder to deal with, but he simply didn’t care. He loves Nick no
matter what or who he is, and Debbie was right when they talked. Ian simply
shakes his head at Mandy and tells her what just happened. Iggy is with her and
they all knew right then and there. And that was that Mickey has another alter
name Richard.
**********************************************************************************
“Who are you?” Dr. Jimenez spoke as she walks towards her patient who has now
combed his hair to the side parted slightly on the right, he had already took
her glasses and was wearing them. He removed his earring he had in his ears and
places them down carefully on the middle on her coffee table in front of them.
A new alter she knew that, but what Kind and why did he appear now? Dr. Jimenez
is thinking.
“My name is Richard or how Nick calls me, Rick Dr. Jimenez.” She nods her head
and writes something down on her notepad as Richard continues to talk to her “I
know what you’re thinking, why am I here?” Richard says to her and Dr. Jimenez
nods her head again yes to Richard, so he continues to talk. “Well it’s simple
really, Nick got us in a bad situation and I had to get us out. Rather it was
Ian, but I had to intervene before Nick made the situation a much bigger
problem for us. Nick won’t be a concern at the moment, that I can reassure you.
I am the one who is in charge of who comes out and who stays out. I make sure
that the others do not do things that are…. (Rick looks up and it seems he’s
thinking of what to say) Unnecessary as you would say.” Rick says and just
looks as the doctor and begins to speak.
“Actually what I was thinking was what kind of alter are you. But I think I
figured it out; you’re Mickey’s gatekeeper aren’t you.” When Richard nods head
yes to Dr. Jimenez she continues to talk. “So you are more of the observing
emotional part of his alters. As well as being able to control other alters of
when they are out.” She then sighs and continues to talk to Rick. “And Nick
would be the protector as well as the abuser alter in away. Am I not right?”
Dr. Jimenez says to Rick who has now sat down on the chair in the room with his
hands folded sitting up straight looking at her.
“Abuser sounds very harsh, but if you want to talk psychological terms then yes
and No. You are also wrong. You see the protector has three main types which
includes the abuser. I prefer that abuser is more of the persecutor. For Nick,
he’s as well is the caretaker and fighter. But he has caused a mess
nonetheless; don’t you agree Dr. Jimenez?” Richard says to Dr. Jimenez.
She smiles at him; she knew what she was doing. She knew Nick was Mickey’s
protector, she just wanted to see what this new alter would say “Yes. I do.”
Dr. Jimenez says and is silent for a minute then she spoke up. “I have to take
you to get some test done. Is that alright with you? An examination if you
would let me” She says to Rick.
“If you must.” Rick says dully and gets up and walks towards the door and opens
it up and turns to wait for her. Dr. Jimenez walks to Richard and leads him out
into the hall into the examination room. After the examination Dr. Jimenez sets
down with her patient and begins his therapy session.
“Now Rick I want to ask you a few question. One being that am I able to speak
to Mickey, or are you or willing to let him back out?” She asked Rick.
“No. At this time Mickey is too fragile. I’m here because Nick caused a mess
and I have to clean it up. We’re in here because of him.” Rick says flatly.
“Actually it was Mickey’s brother and sister who brought him in here, but I
also managed to convince Ian to have Mickey, well you stay here for a while or
at least until we get Mickey to come back. I can help Mickey. I’ve been his
doctor since day one and I know you want what is best for him.” Dr. Jimenez
says to Richard.
“I know what was done and how Nick was brought here, but as I said he is the
reason we were almost given Electroconvulsive therapy. But if you feel that you
must say so; but you also allowed another doctor to take over and it almost
caused us harm. I know ECT has come a long way, but there are side-effect that
can damage us. I can say that it was both you and Nicks fault; however Nick is
to blame for his outburst and unhealthy actions. Electroconvulsive therapy,
Mickey would not want, this I know for sure….. Also know this Doctor Jimenez,
at the moment Mickey is conflicted, and unsure of himself. He will look for
help, and that will determine whether or not he stays and Nick comes out. Just
so you know.” Rick says to her.
“Being a gatekeeper you know everything, and you know what’s best for Mickey
don’t you.” Dr. Jimenez says to Richard.
“Of course I do. I’m the only one who knows what’s best for him. However My job
is also to protect him. So if I have no choice, I will intervene for his
wellbeing.” Richard says to Dr. Jimenez, and just then Richard starts to get a
headache again and he is feeling dizzy now.
“Well I would like to speak to Mickey, I want to help him and I know you do as
well.” Dr. Jimenez says to Rick, but Rick is rubbing his head and it seemed
like he is concentrating. When he doesn’t respond Dr. Jimenez goes to Rick and
puts her hand on his shoulder. He looks up frightened. “Rick?” she says
“Who’s Rick?” Her patient says to her.
Charlene is hesitant to ask but she went for it “Mickey?” She says and he nods
his head yes
Mickey looks at her oddly and takes the glasses on his face. “And why am I
wearing glasses? Why am I in your office?” When his doctor didn’t say anything
fast enough Mickey gets nervous and asked: “What happened Charlene?” Mickey
says confusingly.
“Mickey (Dr. Jimenez sighs) you had an episode Mickey; you had two alter come
out and Nick.” She waits for Mickey to processes the information he has just
heard. When he looks at her gesturing for her to continue she tells him.  “You
had a child alter; you, as a matter of fact, were 4 years old. His name was
Mikhailo, but he let us call him Mickey. Then Nick came out; there was a big
fight and you were admitted here.”
“What? Fucking Nick came out again and I have another alter!?” Mickey's eyes
widen and he stands up and looks at himself in her mirror in the room “NO…How
the fuck did this happen?” he says looking at Charlene.
“Mickey that’s not all that happened; I’m not going to bullshit you on the
truth okay.” She says to him and we look at her for her to continue on speaking
and Charlene does. “Things got messy I had a huge emergency and another doctor
went to take the case, which I did not say can happen. He was just supposed to
consult with me with a method of therapy for you. But long story short; you
were about to be given ECT (Mickey's eyes widen when she said that) but Ian
came running and saying no. He showed proof of your marriage and told the
medical staff he wasn’t consenting to ECT and threaten to sue them and the
hospital. You being his spouse; having rights they had to stop. Collin was
upset, but I was furious, but then at the same time, you had another alter come
out. His name is Richard…Can you recall anything from this at all?” Charlene
asked him.
Mickey shook his head then spoke “So you’re telling me, (he swallows in a gulp
then continues to talk) that-that I had-had two new alters? What the fuck!”
Mickey says sitting down putting his hands on his face. He was exhausted and
tired and just emotionally drained at this point.
Dr. Charlene Jimenez walks to Mickey and speaks to him. “Mickey it’s common in
most cases to have more than one alter; with your child alter you were happy
and you were painting and even ate a lot of ice cream. You were singing and
being a child. You just wanted to be a kid Mickey. I want you to know that this
is okay Mickey, the more we learn about you’re alters the better.” Charlene
tells him and he just nods “What’s the last thing you remember Mickey?” she
asked him
“I was talking to Colt. He came over and he was being bitchy and he said
something to me, but I…fuck I can’t remember. I know I was yelling at him and
he was yelling and then I’m here in your office with you.” Mickey says looking
at her and only her hoping she can help him.
“Okay your first alter that came out was a child alter, you were 4 years old;
do you remember anything at that age, at all?” Mickey shakes his head no and
she was taking notes down and looks back up at Mickey and spoke again “like I
said before this happens in many cases with individuals like yourself who have
multiple personality disorder can and will have more than one personality. Plus
we discussed this in our sessions how you may have more than one alter.  But
tomorrow I think we should start therapy again and I’m going try something
different okay. Tomorrow I’m putting you under hypnosis and we’re going to work
from there okay.” She simply says to Mickey.
Mickey is silent and nods his head but then he speaks. “What about the other
alter? Who was he?” Mickey asked looking at her.
“His name is Richard; he says Nick calls him Rick. And just like Nick, and
Mikhailo his IQ and personality were very different from the rest. His
demeanor, his attitude, his view and everything about him was the opposite of
all your other alters.  I ran a full physical on him, he’s right hand and left
handed but he can’t see from far, which is why you had glasses on. Different
Personality can develop traits that the others do not have. In addition to
that, he’s what they call a gatekeeper. He’s the alter that is supposed to keep
traumatized alters from appearing. I’m assuming that Mikhailo wasn’t supposed
to appear from the expression that Nick gave me when I mentioned him to him.
 Mikhailo appeared and when I asked him a question he was scared to answer and
that was when Nick appeared. If I’m right Richard appeared when things got a
little out of Nick’s hands. He felt he had no choice but to come out and deal
with the situation because you couldn’t and Nick was unable to keep things from
falling down. When the ECT was mentioned that was when Richard decided he
needed to come out. Richard just like Nick can hold back memories, but he can
control which alters takes control of the mind and body and when needed. The
only reason why your back is because he was able to make sure you’re okay to
come back. Just like Nick his job is to make sure you are safe and well.” Dr.
Jimenez says to Mickey.
Mickey processed all this information for a few moments then stood up “Who said
it was okay to give me the ECT? I told Mandy that would be the last and only
last opinion?” Mickey asked now trying to distract himself from learning about
the two new alters.
Dr. Jimenez was hesitant to answer, but it was in both their best interest to
not lose trust in one another. “Now before you get mad, I want you to know that
it didn’t happen okay.” Dr. Jimenez says to Mickey because right now she could
tell how angry he was. He wanted to distract himself from what he learned and
taking his anger out on someone or something seemed to be his distraction.
“Yeah because of Ian, who stopped it; now tell me which one of my fucking
siblings gave consent? Was it Collin or Iggy? Because I know for sure Mandy
wouldn’t consent to it.” Mickey hisses out at her, his mood changes quickly
with rage.
“Again I want you to remember that sometimes the people we love do stupid shit
at desperate times okay. Plus I was held up with something and…. It was Collin,
but Mickey he felt like he had to make a decision he was desperate Mickey!” Dr.
Jimenez says to Mickey but he was out of his chair and opening the door with
the quickness.
Mickey saw his siblings talking and Ian was just listening to what Mandy and
Iggy were telling him and Collin. Well, Collin was with Leah talking but that
didn’t stop Mickey from walking up to Collin turning him around and punching
him square in the jaw. Making Collin fall back and hit his ass on the floor.
“What the FUCK Mickey!” Leah yells while helping Collin off the floor.
“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU? HUH! … HOW FUCKING DARE YOU LET THEM ALMOST GIVE ME ECT
COLLIN!” Mickey is beyond livid, he is hurt and betrayed. Iggy and Ian had to
hold Mickey back because he was trying to go after Collin again. And yeah sure
ECT did come a long way from how it use to be used, but there were bad and
damaging side effects and Mickey had expressed verbally to his siblings he
didn’t want that as a form of treatment. Collin knew that and that’s what hurt
Mickey the most.
“I thought I was gonna lose you forever!” Collin yells back at his baby
brother.
“You fucking knew! If it wasn’t for Ian you really would have let them do that
to me! ….You’re supposed to protecting me Collin, you’re supposed to be there
for me, and not fucking go with what some shitty doctor says something else.
That mother fucker doesn’t even know me.” Mickey says sounding hurt.
“Mick I’m sorry okay,” Collin says to Mickey.
Mickey is just shaking his head and turns around and walks to towards Ian. He
looks up at Ian and smiles “thank you.” Mickey says to him and Ian just nods
his head and cups Mickey's face and nods again. Mickey felt safe for some
reason next to Ian but he wanted to leave, he didn’t want to be here anymore.
There is too many things happening for him in one day and he just wanted to go
home before he broke again. He could feel himself slipping again and it was
getting to him.  Mickey just walks out the hospital and takes a cab home. Once
he is home he goes straight into his bathroom and takes the longest shower he
ever had.
Once he’s out of the shower, he looks at himself in the mirror and just punches
it so hard that it cracks. He saw himself in the mirror and saw not only
himself but three other people who were there with him.  He was exhausted and
tired. The emotions running in him at this moment he just wanted to be alone
and not be bothered by anyone outside the world. Mickey walks out of the
bathroom and makes his way to his room where he just laid down on his bed and
let his mind wander off as he closed his eyes to sleep.
Tomorrow was going to be new for him. He just wanted to finally be whole again.
But his past wasn’t letting him. And now he had to face it and get his life
back whether he wanted to or not. He had to try again.
***** Waaaait...You wanna cook for Me? *****
Chapter Notes
     Ps. If you guys didn't know I have been rewriting a few things and
     editing at the same time with each chapter. So I suggest you go back
     and read it again from the beginning if you want to. I will put up a
     new chapter but after I have finished editing the whole story. So
     enjoy guys.
      
     So this chapter is what I like to call cute in a way. I think it
     needed start of Mickey seeing Ian and vice verse for Ian. Again I
     love your comments and kudos and thank you so much for reading this
     story it does mean a lot to me. Also enjoy it. If I have time this
     weekend I might be able to put another chapter maybe. xoxoxoxo Leave
     your comments for me. Again any mistakes are my own I dont have a
     beta so I'm sorry. I do try to go back and fix my mistakes when I
     can.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
It had been about almost two week since everything happened. Dr. Jimenez was
working with Mickey on a more invasive therapy. However no results from the
hypnosis were working with Dr. Jimenez.  He kept to his schedule and mostly
hung out with Mandy like he used to. He still wasn’t speaking to Collin but he
would answer his text when he did text him. Whenever Mandy would go hang out
with Debbie, Mickey would find other things to do. He didn’t think it would be
right to go to Ian’s house where he lived with his sister. Especially since
everything that happen with the hospital and Ian. Mickey would remind Ian of
Nick of course and Mickey didn’t want to stay away, but he knew he had to.
Mickey was happy that Ian was doing okay from what Mandy told him. He did sort
of talk to Ian once or twice over the phone and Ian would send him text
messages and Mickey found himself smiling at them. He would reply back saying
“Don’t get shot asshole” and Ian would reply “lol” simple shit like that they
sent to each other.
Mickey had eventually ended up calling Colt sometimes during the week. The
mother fucker sent him a fucking banquet of flowers, chocolate and a fruit
basket. Who the fuck does that anymore? He wanted to make Colt wait longer but
at the time he needed his needs met. Mickey called Colt to talk to him for a
while, and told him if he wanted he could come over so they can “talk in
person” as he says. As soon as Colt came in the front door Mickey was on him.
He hadn’t gotten laid in a while and that was because one Colt was an ass and
two with everything happening he couldn’t, he didn’t find himself wanted to
having sex so much. But today he was horny as fuck. He attacks Colt’s neck and
starts to take off his clothes. He pounds into Colt over and over again and
thought of someone else when he shouldn’t have as he was cumming hard inside of
Colt. After he took off the condom and threw it away he went to the bathroom to
clean off. He stood in the shower thinking of what just happened and how the
fuck up everything seemed to be.
After a few days from Mickey and Colts reunion so to speak of sort of getting
back with Colt; Colt started to become overbearing of Mickey and that was
pissing him off. He didn’t need a babysitter. Not even Mandy did that shit
because she knew he hate it. But with Colt, Mickey couldn’t even go out if he
wanted to without Colt being there and watching his every move. He told Colt he
can come over a few days ago so they can fuck and maybe patch shit up. But
right now Mickey just wanted to leave the house and go somewhere. Anywhere but
here right now.
All this thinking he got a little headache and decided to take a nap. Mickey
was now laying down next to Colt in his bed and ended up falling asleep. Mickey
was tossing and turning as he slept. He was having those dreams again and it’s
like he’s remembering things again. Things that Nick did, stuff that he did.
Colt was holding him close and placed Mickey head on his chest. Colt was
combing his fingers through Mickeys’ hair and Mickey was relaxing from that
gesture. He’s muttering something now as he was sleeping. Colt stops moving and
listens to him. “Ian….Ian…Ian” was all that Mickey said and Colt became
annoyed. He carefully removes Mickey off of him and gets off the bed quickly.
Colt walks out of the room and left the door open. Just then Mickey jolts up
“Ian!” He looks around the room and he notices that he is alone. He gets up
from the bed and goes into his bathroom and washes his face. When he comes back
to his room, Colt was there standing looking at him.
“You need to get some rest and relax Mick.” Colt says to Mickey
“Well I can’t…(Mickey huffed and looks at Colt) Look I know you love me okay. I
get that, but you’re being to overprotective of me and I hate that shit.
Whatever is driving my personality to be here, to be in my head, I have to
figure it out? But you’re making it seems like you have to guard me and keep me
lock up in my own home.” Mickey says to Colt.
“I can’t help but feel that you need to be protected. I feel I have to protect
you from-.” Colt now says.
 
“From what? Myself? That’s not helping me. It’s only making Nick more
stronger……Colt haven’t you learn by now that the more you keep denying Nick,
the more he fights. Just the other days I felt like he was going to come out. I
can feel him, he wants to get out and it’s getting harder. He getting stronger,
and it gets harder for me to stay here…Every time I go to sleep I feel like I’m
not going to wake up as me anymore.” Mickey tells Colt.
“Look….I’m just afraid that if I don’t watch you I’m going to lose you.” Colt
says to Mickey.
“That is not your job Colt.  Being like this makes him stronger. Being all
delicate with me and acting like I can’t even go to the fucking store or the
mail box to get my mail without me breaking is making him stronger. It makes me
feel like you can’t even trust that I can be on my own.” Mickey says to Colt
who was upset now.
“Okay so what you’re saying is I help you when I’m here, but you’re also saying
I make you weaker?” Colt says confused and frustrated.
“You’re not getting it are you. You know it’s a complicated fucking thing okay.
He hates you, for some reason he does and he won’t let me know. I just can’t….
fuck Colt you're making shit harder yes okay.  I need you not to shield me from
everything alright.” Mickey says to Colt.
“That’s not going to be easy for me to do Mickey, plus I just want you to focus
on taking care of yourself okay. And figuring out how to get your divorce from
Ian without any legal stuff or whatever. The sooner you’re divorced, the better
I say okay.” Colt says to Mickey. They had talked about it and Ian and Mickey
were speaking about it as well, but Colt didn’t need to know that little detail
at all.
“No I’m not gonna kick back and let shit not get to me okay. I’m focused on me
getting better I know that okay. Plus I signed the papers, whether I was Nick
or not, I have to deal with this. Plus I talked to Ian and he said that he
would give me the divorce as soon as the papers are drawn up okay. That
shouldn’t concern you. This is my problem I have to deal with it.” Mickey says
to Colt.
“Since when the fuck have you been talking to Ian? And Yes I have a fucking
right to be concerned Mickey! I’m your boyfriend; Ian is no one okay…plus Nick
isn’t real, so I don’t know why they can’t make it as an annulment type shit or
something.” Colt says with so much heat behind his voice.
“Excuse fucking me!? (Mickey started to raise his voice) First of all we
haven’t establish what we are yet again because you seemed to fucking forget
that even though Nick hasn’t allowed me to remember a lot of my past there are
things I remember over a year ago before Nick came out… Plus by the way, if you
ever and I mean if you ever in your fucking life try to force yourself on me
again I will kill you. I won’t need Nick for that.” Mickey’s voice was low and
threatening now “You’re just fucking lucky I haven’t kicked your ass yet or
that I haven’t told my brothers yet or Mandy. So don’t fucking think you’re off
the hook! Just because you’re here with me and were fucking again; I’m not sure
if I should fucking forgive you. Right now what I need is support from
everyone, which I thought you were on board for.  Plus I can talk to whoever I
fucking want! I have to talk to Ian about the papers and everything so FUCK
YOU! Right now Colt you’re being overbearing and it’s pissing me off.” Mickey
is livid at this point with Colt; and just stays there in silence as Mickey
spoke to him.
“And another fucking thing while we’re on the subject of Nick; is that Nick is
real. He is married to Ian, they had a life, and he loves him okay. He is a
real person, he’s a part of me, and that makes him real. Why can’t you except
that! Except the fact that I’m not just Mickey, but a part of me is someone
else as well. Someone who’s different, but still me all the same.” Mickey says
to Colt with so much heat behind his voice.
“No! No, no, no that wasn’t you Mick. That was a voice in your head and that
wasn’t you okay. Nick is not real.” Colt says again to Mickey.
“You’re in fucking denial and I’m the one who should be in denial Colt….Colt
look, you and everyone else needs to acknowledge that Nick is a person. He is
not just a figment of my imagination okay.  You spoke to Nick, for fuck sakes
he nearly killed you Colt. And as soon as you realize that, the better this
will be. Iggy, and Mandy have come to the realization of it, and Collin just
expected it all as well. Why can’t you.” Mickey says to Colt.
“Well Mickey if you think that, then we do have a problem.” Colt says snapping
at Mickey.
“NICK IS REAL! For Fuck sacks admit it. I have….. You of all people who work in
a hospital for fuck sacks should know this or some shit.” Mickey says to Colt
and you can tell Mickey was just exhausted from this whole ordeal.
“No…. I can’t do that. I won’t do that.” Colt said standing his ground with
Mickey.
Mickey just sighs and looks up at Colt as he speaks to him. “Colt…..You have to
except it okay. Nick is real. If you want us to be together or start over; you
have to accept him as being real. It will be easier okay, I went through weeks
of therapy to fucking come to terms with this.” Mickey says to Colt.
“How-how…is this easy for you…But it can’t be easy Mick.  The moment I make him
real, I know I can lose you….. Shit I lost you before. You said Nick is strong,
we got that. But he can’t be real…not for me….He can’t be real. Why do you let
him make himself strong then huh Mickey? Why?” When Mickey didn’t answer Colt
question, Colt continues to talk. “You can’t answer the question can you? You
know if I do acknowledge that he’s real… then you know what; what you and I
have is dead.” Colt says to Mickey looking at him dead in his eyes.
Mickey looks at Colt like he was crazy; how could he say that? If he did love
Mickey he would love him no matter what, he had to love all of Mickey not just
the part he has now. Because whether Colt like it or not Nick was apart of
Mickey, as well as his other alters. Mickey was not pissed off but hurt; how
was someone who claimed to love you says that to you. They were dead really?
Okay then.
“Well Colt…if you believe that then…..go. We’re already dead, and I don’t have
time for this bullshit. Now excuse me and get the fuck out of my way, I’m going
out and don’t fucking follow me.” Mickey says and just like that Colt left the
apartment pissed off as he slams the door closed shut. Mandy heard the
commotion and came to Mickey to see if he was alright. He said yeah and that he
was going to the store to buy some food. She asked if he wanted company and he
said no. Debbie and Mandy were in one of the rooms discussing god knows what.
Mickey said Hi to her and she said hi back. It was weird at first his sister
hanging out with his soon to be ex-sister in law, I mean how does that even
happen. But Mickey could see why hanging out with Debbie was fun.
******************************************************************************
Mickey left his apartment and went to the store to grab a few things to make
for dinner. He later came back home with bags full of groceries. It felt good
to be out the house and not caged up like he was. Or have someone hovering over
him 24/7. At the supermarket he didn’t know what he wanted to make but he was
in the mood for something good and hot. So he bought a lot of stuff. Once he
decided on something to make he was looking for his favorite pan to make
lasagna in. Mickey was in the mood for anything pasta related at the moment.
But he needed to find his damn pan to make something. Mickey was trying to
reach up and get on of the pans from on top shelf; it looks like he is
struggling because he was. Why or who the fuck thought it would be okay to put
a damn pan up top all the way there is beyond him. He knows he didn’t do that.
He was about to fall and that was when Ian walks in on him.
“Oh hey, hey here let me get that.” Ian says to Mickey who looks at him and is
startled and jumps a little in surprise; he didn’t notice Ian.
“Um, its Mickey sorry.” Mickey tells Ian in case he thinks he’s Nick. Even
though he had talked to Ian like once or twice over the phone it was kind of
awkward to be standing here with him…like physically.  What Mickey didn’t tell
Colt was that Ian was actually being reluctant to sign the divorce papers.
Mickey figured he was still trying to hold on to Nick; and Mickey just hopes
Nick doesn’t come out now. In a way he felt like he didn’t want to push Ian,
because Ian was the reason why they stopped the ECT on him. Maybe this was a
way to thank him? Mickey thought. Not really, it just seems cruel to postpone
the divorce, but the way Ian sounded over the phone, Mickey couldn’t do it, he
didn’t want to force him. That argument with Colt got him really upset and he
could feel Nick itching to come out and do something about it. But now that Ian
was here, the feeling was stronger, but Mickey had to be stronger than Nick.
“Yeah I know… You’re who I came here to see. (Mickey has a surprise expression
on his face) I’m sorry if I scared you. You looked like you needed some help
and you know. Um Mandy let me in.” Ian says nervously to Mickey.
Mickey smiles and nods his head at Ian “Here let me get that.” Mickey tells Ian
and his hands touch Ian’s “wow your hands are fucking freezing man. Is it that
cold outside, I just came from outside and it wasn’t that cold.” Mickey asks
Ian
Ian laughs a little at Mickeys’ small rant and smiles at him. “What? No man
it’s actually freezing. I think there’s some storm coming in or some shit.” Ian
says smiling at Mickey. And Mickey is mimicking his smile and laughs. “So this
is a lot of pots and pans out huh.” Ian says trying his hardest to make
conversation with Mickey.
“Yeah…I ah I want make myself a fucking lasagna or anything of some kind of
pasta, but there’s this one certain pan I use all the time to make the meat in
and I can’t fucking find it!” Mickey says and is walking towards the cabinet
under the sink searching for it again.
Ian takes a glimpse at Mickey as he bends down but quickly moves his eyes
elsewhere, and decides to speak. “Wow.  So you can fucking cook?” Ian says
surprisingly.
“Yeah why? Nick didn’t?” Mickey says still turned around and not looking at Ian
as he asked about Nick. Mickey secretly wanted to know more about Nick, but in
a way he didn’t want to know about him.
Ian smiles and shakes his head. “Nooooo um he did…and when he did he would
sometimes burn the food, but for some reason pancakes and eggs he knew how to
do.” Ian says and laughs at the memory of Nick even burning toast. Who the fuck
burns toast?
Mickey turns around with an amused face and shakes his head in disbelief. He’s
actually a great cook, so why wasn’t Nick? “So what, when you guys lived
together you did all the cooking or something?” Mickey asked curiously to Ian.
Ian smiles at Mickeys question. “He tried and set the kitchen on fire. It was
hilarious I had no idea that chicken can be so burnt like that. He did try to
boil eggs once.” Ian says with a smile still on his face.
Mickey smiles at Ians’ reaction and then says. “Let me guess he managed to fuck
that up to; How?” Mickey asked in amusement.
Ian chuckles when he says “Y-yeah. Luckily I was there to make sure he didn’t
burn the damn pot again. I had no idea that boiled eggs can combust if you
leave them in there for too long. And apparently he didn’t either.” Ian laughs
and so did Mickey. “Thank god there were some waffles so I made chocolate chip
waffles with bacon and sausages and toast. He even managed to burn the toast. I
still can’t get how he managed to do that.” Ian says to Mickey still smiling at
the memory of him and Nick. Ian and Mickey were laughing at how bad Nick was in
the kitchen, and it almost felt familiar being around Ian.
“Ohh man, okay now I’m even hungrier.” Mickey says and chuckles to himself
“Well do you want something fast or can you wait a little?” Ian says shyly to
Mickey.
Mickey looks at Ian and smirks. “Why? You want to cook for me or something?”
Mickey asked Ian.
Ian smiles and shrugs his shoulders and shyly looks at Mickey. “Maaaaaybe!” Ian
says teasing Mickey a bit.
“Waaaait…You want to cook for me?” Mickey asked surprisingly teasing Ian a
little.
“Well yeah, if you let me I can make you pancakes with bacon, which is fast or
I can make you my special chicken penne Alfredo with vegetables.” Ian tells
Mickey and he’s blushing at him.
Mickey finds him to be cute when he sees Ian blushing. He smiles at Ian and
answers him. “Okay but ah I like my broccoli cut up if you’re going to do the
chicken Alfredo thing.” Mickey says and is looking down on the floor and is
blushing and smiling at Ian.
Ian sees Mickey is blushing slight and smiles and looks at Mickey while saying.
“Okay coming right up, you’re on. Give me about a half an hours okay. You think
you can hold out?” Ian asked Mickey.
Mickey nods his head yes to Ian and sits up on one of the counters and watches
Ian cook. Ian prepares the chicken cutlets and dices them into cubs and then
seasons them. He already put the water to boil for the pasta, so while that’s
happening he also added a few spices to the water as it’s in the hot water not
yet boiling. He goes back to the chicken and seasons it and puts it in the big
pan and lets it cook, covering it with the top. Once the water starts to boil
Ian adds the pasta in the water and lets it boil for a few minutes. As that is
cooking Ian gets all the ingredients and starts to make the Alfredo sauces.
Mickey was impressed with Ian seeing him cook like this.
Ian is constantly stirring the Alfredo sauce that he made from scratch, and is
telling Mickey if you don’t constantly pay attention to the Alfredo sauce you
can easily fuck it up. Mickey nods his head and just continues to watch Ian.
 Ian gets out the vegetables and starts to cut up the carrots, and Broccoli
like mickey requested and then he brings out the cauliflower. Once the pasta
has boiled he takes a noodle out and tastes it for the consistency. He drains
the water and adds the pasta with the chicken that is done and sets it at a low
flame. He adds the Alfredo sauces to the big pot with the chicken and pasta in
it, and then adds the vegetables. He stirs that food around making sure it
combines all together and then covers the pot again leaving it to cook a little
bit more longer. Ian then starts to clean up and wash a couple of dishes he
used all the while checking the pasta. Once he’s done he goes and gets two
plates from the cabinet and serves Mickey and him a plate of food.
“WOW that looks like something that came out of a fucking magazine; and shit
you made it quick. There’s enough to feed like a whole family o something.”
Mickey says to Ian.
“Well both our sister are here hanging out so yeah, and well you kind of have
the whole multiply people thing going on so yeah.” Ian says making a funny face
at Mickey trying to make a joke.
Mickey laughs “Oh My God you are corny, you know that. I can’t believe I’m
laughing about my alters right now and that I didn’t punch for that.” Mickeys
says to Ian teasing him.
“Yeah so…. you ready…let’s eat.” Ian says casually
Mickey goes and takes a bite of his food and his face lights up “Oh My God,
this taste fucking good just as it looks man.” Mickey says surprisingly.
“Well thank you. I am flattered.” Ian says and blushes at Mickeys comment.
Mickey was still curious about Nick, so he went for it. “Did ah, did Nick likes
this?” he asked softly to Ian
Ian looks up at Mickey in shock but quickly recovers. “What? You mean my
cooking or my corny jokes and cute charm.” He grins at Mickey
Mickey smiles real quick then answer Ian. “All the above.” Mickey says as he’s
eating.
Ian looks at Mickey and smiles before he answers him. “He was actually kind of
picky.”
“What? Please don’t tell me he like ate oeuvres or some shit with Mushrooms, I
hate mushrooms.” Mickey says with such passion so that Ian knew he hated
mushrooms.
“Nah he was more of a ribs, and potatoes and burgers kinds of guy. He didn’t
like vegetables at all and couldn’t stand broccoli.”  Ian says to Mickey and
chuckles to himself as he remembers the first time he put broccoli on Nicks’
plate. Nick had just picked it up and threw it at him. Like literally, he threw
it at him.
“Oh yeah, just like Mandy then; she a ribs and mash potatoes kind of girl, she
can’t stand vegetables, but she will eat broccoli thought.” Mickey says shaking
his head laughing at the information that was just told to him.
“Oh yeah, well I guess he is more like a Milkovich then he thought he was.” Ian
says without thinking and Mickeys faces changes and he just frowns a bit.
Mickey takes a bite of his food and looks away from Ian now. He just shrugs his
shoulders and speaks to Ian again. “It must have been a waste on your cooking
skills then, him being picky and all the time,” Mickey says.
Ian just shakes his head before he answers Mickey. “Nah…he ah he eventually
started trying new things. I had no idea what was going on at the time you
know. I had no idea that I was actually watching a whole new personality; I
just thought he was opening up; Discovering new things or something.” Ian says
trailing off.
“Discovering what?” Mickey says and Ian stays quick and just looks at him and
when he doesn’t say anything Mickey tells him “I want to know Ian tell me.”
“Life, and me in it.” Ian smiles at Mickey “You know it’s the most incredible
thing to watch someone fall in love with you. Someone that you’re totally
into….. (Ian smiles at the memories and looks at Mickey again) I’m sorry I just
lost myself.” Ian says and looks down at his plate. Mickey looks away from Ian
and his face is somewhere in between serious and sad. “I’m sorry. I know you
don’t want to hear about Nick.”
“No…No I asked….and I …I want to know. It’s just hearing a nice guy that is you
and hearing you talk about me, but who isn’t me, me. You guys have been
together for a while, and you had this whole life I knew nothing about and I
don’t know about…It’s like you know a part of me that. (He sighs) that’s like
stripped, like it a dream that I have no idea about. Like an alternate universe
of a different life. It’s just…confusing, and tiring all at the same time.”
Mickey says and continues to eat his food.
Ian laughs “You think it’s confusing for you…hey look. I had this old friend
who was in the marines with me right. He had dated a twin and they were
identical, and he used to tell me that whenever he was around the sister that
it was weird as fuck. He would tell me that she looked exactly like the woman
he was in love with, but that they were completely different in every way. They
looked the same but were just so different.” Ian says to Mickey.
“Ian I’m the same person…but I’m not in a way.” Mickey says and gets up from
the table and turns and wipes his eyes. Fuck he’s been more emotional lately
and he hates it. He rather be alone and not around anyone lately. His doctor
said that he needs to try and fight the urge to just stay in bed and not doing
anything. Depression she told him can be his worst enemy.
Ian gets up. “Hey-hey wait a minute Mickey I didn’t mean to make you upset
okay.” Ian walks up to him from behind him and Mickey turns around and looks up
at Ian.
“No, it’s just…Its been happening a lot lately” Mickey says nodding his head
and looking away from Ian the best way he knows he can.
“Yeah well you know I hear that sometimes people with the same disorder can
becomes depressed and have anxiety and also push other away. They try to make
themselves isolated even.” Ian says to Mickey.
And Mickey is surprised that Ian even looked up anything. “Yeah? You read up on
multiple personality disorder huh….I just hate dealing with stupid emotions and
for some reason, I have a lot of them.” Mickey says to Ian
“Yeah well, you and Nick both…You guys are a lot more alike than you think
Mickey.” Ian says to Mickey.
With those words, Mickey becomes scared and he needs to leave this house. It’s
not Ian but it’s what he said that scares him. Him and Nick alike? How? They
were different, weren’t they? “Um, I have to go. I promise myself I would work
on this car. I’ve been ordering parts for it. So it’s waiting for me. Thanks
for the food. I really liked it; plus there’s extra, so I’ll enjoy more of it
when I get back.” Mickey says and just before Ian can say anything he’s out the
door.
Fuck. Ian thinks to himself. How did he say the wrong thing? He goes to put
away the food and finish off the rest of the dishes he used when he hears a
familiar voice from behind him
“Ian”? Collin says as he saw Ian doing the dishes and putting things away.
“What are you doing here?” He asked Ian
“I actually came over here to see Mickey. I made him some food and we ate, and
I didn’t want to leave the dishes, so I’m cleaning them up and putting the rest
of the food away.” Ian says simply to Collin.
“Oh…and ah where is Mickey now?” Collin asked curiously.
“Oh, he said he needed to go to the garage I’m assuming. Something about
messing with a car he’s been working on.” Ian says still not looking at Collin.
Collin enters the kitchen now. “You just let him go? What the hell Ian!” Collin
says and Ian looks up at him now.
“Look I’m in no position to tell him no okay. Plus I didn’t see anything wrong
with him wanted to work on a car. I mean he does run a shop.” Ian says
sarcastically to Collin
“Were you sure he wasn’t Nick when he left or anyone else?” Collin asks quickly
then regretted it when he saw Ian’s face fall.
“No….No he was Mickey,” Ian says and turns to put the rest of the dishes away.
“Sorry. Look I can finish cleaning up okay. Why don’t you head out I can finish
this off.”  Collin says to Ian gesturing to the rest of the dishes in the sink.
“Nah Debs here and I’m just waiting for her because she said if I left her
without giving her a ride she would kick me the balls. And then Mandy agreed
while laughing at it.” Ian says shaking his head and internally laughing at his
sister.
“God our sisters are devils,” Collin says and laughed looking at Ian.
“Oh yeah, they are,” Ian says and smiles down what he was doing.
Collin is looking at Ian and before he goes to leave the kitchen he speaks “Hey
I just wanted to thank you.” Collin says to Ian
Ian looks up at Collins and gives him a questionable look. “For what?” Ian
asked him
“For stopping the whole ECT thing…I wasn’t thinking straight and talking to
Nick and…look I just wanted to tell you thank you okay. I know my brother
didn’t want that and I had no right to go against his wishes. SO thank you.”
Collin says to Ian.
Ian shakes his head and gives Collin a smirk. “No need to thank me. I just
didn’t want him to go through that. Plus when Mandy told me what was happening;
I felt I had no choice but to make sure Mickey was okay and protect him and
Nick.” Ian says and goes back to wiping down the dishes.
Collin nods his head silently and leaves the kitchen without saying a word to
Ian. Because deep down inside he was thankful that Ian was able to stop the
decision he made.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Mickey was at the garaged working on his car when he heard someone come in. He
looks up to see it was Iggy coming towards him.
“Hey, baby bro, what you doing here?” Iggy says coming towards him putting on
his overalls.
“Just fucking around with the 67 Impala, I finally got the parts in for the
engine and tires I just put on,” Mickey says wiping his hands
“Yeah, I see…She gonna be beautiful when you’re done with her man.” Iggy said
admiring his brothers’ work. Before Mickey disappeared he was working on this
car and it’s like he never left it.
“Yeah,” Mickey says and then looks away. That was when Iggy sense there was
something going on with his baby brothers.
“You okay bro…wanna talk about it.” Iggy asked Mickey leaning against another
car taking out a cigarette and lighting it up.
“Nah I’m fine,” Mickey says then turns to Iggy who gives him a questionable
look. “I’m fine okay.”
“You sure because I know you’ve been down lately man. With the intense therapy
and with the new alter you had and Nick trying to come back out and then…You
know you can talk to me about anything right.” Iggy says to his brother; when
Mickey didn’t say anything Iggy felt he should lighten the mood. “I mean even
about sex if you want; I mean that’s not my cup of tea, but I can still talk
about it. You know that shit doesn’t faze me, man.” Iggy says to Mickey who
looks up at him with a face of ‘what the fuck and are you serious right now!’
Iggy laughs at Mickey’s expression and Mickey laughs at Iggy trying to make a
joke. The truth was he did need someone to talk to, someone who might just
understand. “I don’t know Ig’s it’s just…You can’t just push away feelings.
Sometimes love just isn’t enough, and sometimes people need a change and
realized that, well they were different all along.” Mickey says while picking
at his nails
“Okay baby bro…Soooo who are we talking about now? Is this about Ian? I know
you have been him around him and been trying to talking to him for Nicks sack,
but are you falling for him?” Iggy asked
Mickey snaps his head up and looks at Iggy. “What no! NO Iggy okay. I’ve talked
to him a couple of times over the phone, and before when I went to his place
and you knew about that. (Mickey looks back down at his hands) And yes only you
know about that Iggy, so don’t fucking tell Mandy. I didn’t even tell her that
me and him have been texting each other. But it’s like harmless friendly
texting okay. So keep your mouth shut….Plus I’m with Colt or I don’t know what
the fuck we are anymore… I just don’t know okay.” Mickey says again still not
looking at Iggy.
“Don’t know what?” Iggy asked Mickey curiously.
“I don’t know if I can deal with it all. Colt hates Ian for being with Nick and
Nick hates Colt. I kinda have a feeling why he does. But when I talk to Ian or
when he’s around I feel different. I feel more safe and it’s weird because he
treats me like a normal person. He treats Nick like a normal person and what
gets me is that Colt acts like Nicks not real. He fucking thinks that I’m too
fucking fragile. I meanwhile he was the reason Nick came back out again when
he…..fuck forget man. Ian doesn’t look at me like I’m fragile, he talks to me
like I’m me. He’s honest and blunt and I don’t know Iggy. I don’t know what the
fuck to do anymore.” Mickey says to his brother.
Iggy wanted to ask Mickey what he meant by Colt was the reason Nick came out
but that’s for another time to ask. Right now his baby brother needed help.
“Well, baby bro… you know you’re my favorite siblings right.” Iggy tells Mickey
Mickey laughs and looks at his brother “thanks, Iggy. I really needed that; to
feel like that again you know…the way it was before. Before all this shit came
crashing down, and shit got crazy and fucked up.” Mickey says smiling at his
brother.
“Look, Mickey, I don’t normally do this kind of talks with you, but when I do
you know why I do…Just worry about yourself, worry about getting better, about
being you again…. And Mickey, Love who you want to love, whoever that is Mick.
Be who you want to be. Fuck everyone else and if anyone has a problem with that
they can come talk to me.” Iggy says and pats his brother on the back. Mickey
sits back on top of the hood of the car and thinks about what Iggy just said to
him. His brother was right, and he knew he was.
A half an hour later Mickey cleans up shop and heads to the office to tell Iggy
he’s going to lock the garage up and head home. When Mickey gets home he
surprised to see Ian still at his apartment and is reading a motorcycle
magazine. Ian looks up and noticed Mickey was back. “Hey…I didn’t know you
would still be here”
“Mickey! Hey, I was just reading your magazine; I’m waiting on Debbie she said
her and Mandy should be finished up with whatever the fuck they're doing.” Ian
says putting the magazine back where it was at in the sala. Ian can see Mickey
looks nervous so he asked him a simple harmless question “What’s the matter?”
"Nothing I just came back from trying to fix up this car that I have and the
fucking pieces are hard to come by and it’s like….” Mickey trails off trying
not to babble on too much on what he’s feeling right now.
However Ian being Ian, he catches on to what Mickey is saying “Like your fixing
something that was broken. Trying to make it brand new again.” Ian says to
Mickey.
That simple little sentence, makes Mickey smile a little bit. “Yeah…I can’t you
know…I feel like I can’t do nothing right like somehow I’m going to fuck it
up.” Mickey says walking more into the sala and pouring himself a cup of
whiskey and drinking it.
Ian stands up from the sofa and walks towards Mickey. “Hey it’s alright Mick,”
Ian says and Mickey turns around to face Ian. That was the first time Ian has
ever said his Name like that, but his emotions are taking over right now at
this moment.
“No, it’s not Ian! It’s not okay! It’s not okay for me, or for my brothers and
sister! It’s not okay for you….and I’m so sorry.” Mickey says and his eyes are
glassy and he’s holding back his emotions or at least is trying.
“Mickey you don’t have to be sorry about anything, why would think that?” Ian
asked him.
“I’m sorry because I’m here Ian…And you can’t be with the person you love.”
Mickey says to him and Mickey looks like he’s going to break down and that was
when Ian went for it. Ian just hugs Mickey tight, close to him and Mickey held
him back. It felt good to be in someone arms who didn’t think of him as this
fragile person, someone who took the time out to just hug him and not saying
anything but just listen to him.
What they didn’t know was that Colt had come in and walked in on both of them
seeing the display of affection. He clears his throat loud enough for both men
to look up at him. Ian still had his arms around Mickey and Mickey had one arm
around Ian still. “Colt? I thought you left.” Mickey says walking toward the
doors in the sala.
“Yeah I did, I figured we could talk more, but I can see you have company,”
Colt says and Ian and Mickey didn’t miss the cold remark behind his voice.
“Yeah well, my sister here so I’m waiting for her, plus Mandy let me in. You
wanna say ‘Hi” to Mandy?” Ian says looking at Colt like he wanted to kill him.
Mandy may have slipped out and told Ian and Debbie what Colt said to Mickey and
how they got into an argument.
“Fuck You!” Colt hisses out at Ian.
That was when Ian got in his face and smiles at him and laughs. “Eeehhh Yeah,
no sorry. You’re not my type.” He turns around and looks at Mickey and gives
him a wink. Ian then looks back at Colt and says. “See I like them short,
muscled built if you will, dark black hair, beautiful ocean eyes, pale skin,
tattoo knuckles, with sexy lips and an attitude that anyone would die for.” Ian
says to Colt looks him up and down and says again “And you’re neither of that.”
Ian just smiles walks away and goes to find Debbie to see if she ready to go.
“So, you bring the husband around after I leave huh,” Colt says not moving from
his spot at the door.
Mickey looks at Colt like he was crazy. “You serious right? You know what Colt
if you came here to fight, I’m not really one for it okay. Ian’s here to get
Debbie.” Mickey says to him
“So you two hugging was what?” Colt says with an attitude towards Mickey.
“Us two hugging was just that; hugging okay. I got upset and he hugged me
simply as that.” Mickey says snapping back at Colt.
Colt Rolls his eyes at Mickey. “Yeah okay, whatever you say, Mickey,” Colt says
annoyingly
“Again why are you here… you left. Figured you were done with me; being that
I’m crazy and all and you can’t help but face the truth of that.” Mickey says
Colt sarcastically.
“I wanted to talk, I didn’t want to leave things like the way I did okay. I’m
sorry.” Colt says trying to sound sympathetic.
Mickey looks at Colt like he was stupid and shakes his head. “No okay. I’m
tired and Ima go to bed. I just got back from the garage so I’m wiped out. Plus
I got therapy in the morning. I honestly don’t want to fight Colt or deal with
your shit right now okay!” Mickey says and walks out to his bedroom. Colt
doesn’t follow him instead he leaves and text Mickey when he’s ready to see him
to call him. Mickey looks at the text message and rolls his eyes and just goes
right to sleep.
Chapter End Notes
     Sooooo guys how was this chapter. It was some what of a filler I
     think. Also the food Ian made was something my titi showed me how to
     make.
***** Integrations A b*tch! *****
Chapter Notes
     I know I took a bit long on this but person things happen so I'm here
     to give you the next chapter. Again there may be some triggers so
     please be advice before you read. In addition to that I don't have a
     beta so all mistakes are mine and I do apologize. I want to thank you
     guys for reading of course and for your comments and kudos. I do
     appreciate them. Let me know what you think of this chapter okay.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
It’s been 2 1/2 weeks since Mickey and Dr. Jimenez tried hypnosis on Mickey,
The outcome of that turned out to be not so great, well from Mickey's viewpoint
anyways. Mickey felt like he wasn’t responding well to the hypnosis at all, and
he was more upset than anything. Dr. Jimenez was able to teach Mickey a few
techniques on how to try and calm himself down. The hypnosis was working
however it would only reveal certain memories that Mickey would remember.  For
instance like his dad hitting him or fighting with Iggy and Collin. There was
No Nick still and he couldn’t get past this brick wall he said he kept seeing
while he was under hypnosis. Charlene thought that maybe he would be more
comfortable at home doing therapy, so she suggested they try a session at his
home with the support of his brothers and sister.
 
 
Mickeys mind is racing as he is shaking his leg and waiting for Charlene to get
to his apartment. She was going to do his hypnosis at his house and he was
already nervous about what will happen. Despite Mandy’s protest Mickey called
Colt and asked him to be here today. Colt ended up getting there earlier than
everyone else and was still apologizing for what happened a few weeks ago to
Mickey over and over again.  He made up for it in sex obviously when Mickey
stripped him down and fucked him. It wasn’t the most healthy thing, but it
helped to distract him in a way and he was okay with that.
 
 
So now they were all here, all except one more person he was waiting for.
Collin, Leah, Iggy, Mandy, and Colt were with him waiting for Charlene when
there was a knock on the door. Colt went to get it and Mandy was right behind
him. He didn’t expect to see the person he was staring at when he opened the
door.
 
 
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Colt says with an attitude towards Ian.
 
 
“I was invited, and I’m here for support asshole.” Ian snaps back at Colt.
Mandy just smiles and nods her head at Ian who smiles at her. Mandy had been
talking to both redheads and she had to admit she like Ian, now if only fate
would put Mickey and him together it would be good. Perfect actually. That was
when Mickey came from behind Colt and spoke.
 
 
“I told him he can come.” Mickey says and Colt looks at him like he was crazy
“I talk to Charlene and she said it would be best to have Ian here just in case
Nick comes out again. Ian can handle Nick, and knows him more better than
anyone here.” Mickey says to Colt. Colt looks pissed off and walks away from
the door not saying anything. Mickey turns to Ian and made a small smile on his
face “Thanks for coming.” He says.
 
 
Ian Mimics Mickeys smile. “No problem.” Ian simply says and just then Charlene
is at the door observing what was going on and was in just on time as always. 
They all walked in through the double doors to the sala and Mickey sat down on
the sofa.
 
 
“Hey, Mickey Are you ready?” Dr. Jimenez asked Mickey
 
 
Mickey is jumpy and answers Dr. Jimenez “Yeah, yeah I’m ready.” He says to her.
She then turns around and looks at the people in the room “Okay I’m going to
have to ask you all to leave the living rooms so I can start my session with
Mickey.” Dr. Jimenez said to the group.
 
 
Mandy speaks up then. “Well, we were wondering if we could be in here when it’s
happening.”
 
 
Charlene looks at Mickey for approval and he nods yes to her for them to stay.
“No yeah, it’s fine Dr. Jimenez. I want my siblings here with me.” Mickey says
to her.
 
 
“Okay but I’m going to have to ask you guys to stay behind Mickey when he is on
the sofa so that way you don’t distract him okay.” She says and Ian, Leah, and
Colt left the room and went out to the dining room to stay. Mickey just wanted
his siblings so they had to respect his wishes.
 
 
Mickey sits down on the chair and Charlene sit right in front of him on top of
the ottoman while Mandy, Iggy, and Collin stay behind him to the far right of
the sala. “Mickey, all you need to know is that inside you are okay. So allow
your mind to go into a safe place. And when you’re ready to start; I want you
to count backward from 10.”
 
 
Mickey sighs and closes his eyes and relaxes his breathing; he found his happy
place. He then starts to count “10…9…8…7…6…5...4…3…2..1”
 
 
“Can you tell me your full name?” Dr. Jimenez asked Mickey.
 
 
“Mikhailo Alexis Milkovich.” Mickey simply says.
 
 
“Can you remember when you were a little boy?” Dr. Jimenez ask him
 
 
“Yes,” he answered to her.
 
 
“Where you a happy child Mickey?” Dr. Jimenez asked him.
 
 
“No, not always. I don’t remember much, but when I was with Mandy or Iggy I was
happy.” Mickey said.
 
 
“Can you describe what you see Mickey when you were happy with them?” Dr.
Jimenez says
 
 
Mickey smiles still with his eyes closed. “I was 4 years old and my
5th birthday was coming up…Mandy made me this card and she put confetti in it
so it got all over me.  She put twenty bucks inside and said it was from her
and my brothers. Collin and Iggy came in and hugged me and Mandy gave me a kiss
on my head. They told me they loved me.” Mickey says and smiles as he is seeing
his memories again.
 
 
“Now can you tell me about a time when you weren’t happy Mickey?” Mickeys face
changes and he frowns. “what do you see now Mickey?” Dr. Jimenez asks him.
 
 
There’s heavy smoke around the house. Mickey sees his dad and his friends and
they're paying a card game and drinking. He doesn’t like how his father is
looking at him so he runs to his sisters’ room, but the doors lock. He knocks
on the door but she doesn’t answer him. He then goes to Collins room, but
Collin kicks him out because he was upset their father hit him again. He walks
out of Collins room and Mickey sees Terry walking towards him and he hears his
friends laughing.
 
 
“Mickey what do you see?....Mickey, I want you to tell me what you’re seeing
right now.” Dr. Jimenez askes Mickey again but is a little more forcefully. She
didn’t want Mickey to get lost in his memories, she needs him to confront and
remember.
 
 
“It’s Smokey in the house…I’m walking around the house. I woke up from a bad
dream…Dad has his friends over and their drinking and smoking….I want to go to
Mandy and be with her, but Mandy won’t let me in the room she was upset at me
because I got her in trouble…. I didn’t mean to… Iggy isn’t home and Collin
told me to leave his room because he was upset. Dad hit him and I see his face
is bruised so I left his room when he yelled at me to leave. Dad told me to
move out the way as he came towards me. Then he grabbed me but”
 
“But what Mickey?” Dr. Jimenez asked him.
 
“I don’t know it goes black I don’t see anything,” Mickey said with a confused
facial expression.
 
“Look again Mickey it’s there. I need you to look past it. It’s all there if
you just look.” Dr. Jimenez tells him.
 
 
“Come, Mickey, come sit with your old man and his friend boy.” Terry says to
him “No. I’m not Mickey, I’m Nick!”
 
 
“What’s going on Mickey?” Dr. Charlene asked again to Mickey who has gone
quiet.
 
 
Just then Mickey opens his eyes and smirks at the Doctor. “The names Nick
Doc…just like I told that no good for nothing asshole of a man.” Nick said to
Dr. Jimenez.
 
Dr. Jimenez knew this would happen; is all part of the process of integration.
So she expected Nick to come out. “What guy Nick? What happened Nick? What did
Mickey remember?” Dr. Jimenez asked Nick.
 
 
“I’m not gonna tell you nothing Doc, but it’s been nice knowing yah!” Nick says
and gets up from the sofa and goes to the double doors. He pulls on it, but its
lock. “What the fuck is wrong with these doors.” He says to himself and then
turns around and looks at Dr. Jimenez “Can you let me the fuck out?”
 
 
“No Nick, I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Dr. Jimenez tells him
 
 
Nick looks back and forth at Dr. Jimenez and then at Mandy, Iggy and Collin.
“What!? Am I a fucking prisoner or some shit! … Listen I’m not a kid okay I
have my own Life with someone I love. I want to see Ian, where is he? What the
fuck did you do to him?” Nick shouts and looks at Mandy, Iggy, and Collin for
answers but turns around when Dr. Jimenez speaks to him again.
 
“Let’s take it one step at a time Nick; how about we finish talking.” Dr.
Jimenez tells him but Nick isn’t having any of that.
 
“NO! I want to see Ian! Where is he? I ain’t saying shit to you or anyone
else!” Nick says again and turns around to bangs on the door. “IAN! Ian where
the fuck are you!” Nick turns around to look at everyone in the room. “Fuck…
where is he.” Nick says again and turns away trying to pull the door open
again.
 
“Nick, look at me…Nick please, look at me!” Dr. Jimenez says to Nick. Nick
turns around and looks at her. “I want to get to know you. I need to understand
you, Nick, for Mickey's sack, please….Your job is to protect him, so I want to
know you; know the man who protects him.” She simply says to Nick.
 
Nick looks at her and thinks it over and the nods his head “Okay fine… if I
answer your stupid question will promise me you let me see Ian.” Nick says to
her crossing his arms across his chest.
 
“I can’t make any promises Nick, but I can assure you that I can help you and
make your problems go away.” Dr. Jimenez tells him
 
Nick shakes his and walks away from her and pours himself a cup of scotch. He
drinks it in all in one shot. He takes another shot of scotch and then turns
around and says. “Help me huh…Yeah, more like fucking disappear; because this
isn’t exactly the fucking meeting of the ‘I love Nick club.’ Here now is it? So
where is IAN!? All they want is Mickey, not me! They prefer him!” Nick says
while pointing to Mickey’s siblings.
 
“I don’t prefer anyone Nick…But I’ve heard Mickey story, so now I want to hear
what you have to say. I want to hear your side of the story Nick.” Dr. Jimenez
says to him trying to calm him down.
 
For some reason, Nick listens to her. He thinks if he answers her stupid
question she will let him see Ian or at least speak to him. “Fine…fine if it
will get me back to Ian then okay fine,” Nick says and walks back to the sofa
and sits down.  “Let’s get this over with,” Nick says while gesturing his hands
in the air.
 
 
“Okay well, Mickey told me about something that happened to him when he was
very young. Where you there with him?” Dr. Jimenez asked Nick
 
 
“Was I there with him….hmm! Well, of course, I was there, wasn’t I?” Nick says
sarcastically not looking at her at first but then his eyes lands on her and he
smirks again.
 
“Where you?…Was that the first time Mickey said your name out loud?” Dr.
Jimenez asked Nick.
 
 
“Yeah, I guess, in a way,” Nick said casually not really caring to answer these
questions. He still wasn’t going to tell her everything, but if doing this gets
him to see Ian then he will give her little bits of information to satisfy the
good old doc.
 
 
“Was that your first memory Nick?” Dr. Jimenez asked Nick.
 
 
Nick sits up and looks away from her for a second. He then looks back at her
again. Dr. Jimenez can tell he’s uncomfortable when he speaks “Maybe.”
 
 
“Nick you took care of something that Mickey couldn’t take care of didn’t you.”
Dr. Jimenez states more to Nick rather than asking him.
 
Nick chuckles and sucks his teeth. “Well, Mickey is a loser who couldn’t even
take care of a fucking goldfish if you asked him to. SO yeah! I guess I did and
still have to take care of things.” Nick said with an attitude.
 
“And that night what was it you took care of? Do you remember?”  Dr. Jimenez
asked Nick.
 
Nick smirks first at Dr. Jimenez and said. “Like it was yesterday Doc,” Nick
said and smiles at Dr. Jimenez. “See doc I have the memories…I have all of the
memories. It’s like a fucking steal trap up here.” Nick said pointing to head
and continues to speak. “I remember things that Mickey doesn’t remember, or
doesn’t like to want to remember.” Nick puts his legs over the sofa and is
playing with a string now.
 
“Do you have any problems telling me what specific memories you have back in
that house? As smokey as it was with your father there with his friends and
all?” Dr. Jimenez asked Nick.
 
 
“Yyyyuup!” Nick says and smirks again at Dr. Jimenez.
 
 
“Could you try and talk about it with me?” Dr. Jimenez asks
 
 
Nick looks at Dr. Jimenez and smiles at her. He leans in and says. “Yeah sure,
why not doc…hmmmm, look at you” He sits up from his seat more and moves more
towards Dr. Jimenez. He then plays with her collar and is smiling at her as he
speaks to her seductively “You dying to know of my existence aren’t you Doc?”
He then whispers in her ear “I don’t only fuck guys you know…I like it when a
woman has power too. You know, like you can take control of me.” He chuckles
and leans a little back so that he’s facing her face to face, smiling at her
and licking his lips at her.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez is not amused at all by Nicks’ tactics. “You agreed to talk about
it Nick, you said you would.” Dr. Jimenez says ignore Nick’s tactics.
 
 
“But I didn’t agree to talk to you did I?” Nick said and smiles at her again.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez raises her eyebrows up at Nick and shakes her head slightly. “No…no
you didn’t,” Dr. Jimenez said
 
Nick leans back a bit and speaks. “So why should I talk to you,” Nick said
while he gets up from where he was sitting at and goes to try to open the
double doors again.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez stands up quickly and at the same time and says to Nick. “Nick! Sit
down!” She demanded.
 
 
Nick turns around and looks at her like she was crazy “You must be out of your
fucking mind.” Nick said to Dr. Jimenez, looking at her like she has lost it.
Nick walks over towards Dr, Jimenez and sizes her up. “I don’t think so bitch.
You see I’m holding all the cards here okay. So either you fuckers get Ian over
here where I can see him or it’s over.”
 
 
“You’re wrong Nick; you’re not holding all the cards,” Collin said calmly now
cutting in on the session. Dr. Jimenez wants to protest the interruption but
she wants to see the interaction hoping it will do some good. Mickeys siblings
are his support, so them being here is a good thing.
 
 
“You tryin to fuckin threatening me?” Nick asked Collin walking towards him
now.
 
 
“No bro. You see Mickey agreed to this session okay. It was Mickey’s decision
to do this, not yours.” Collin said to Nick.
 
 
“Well, Mickey’s an idiot.” Nick spat out.
 
 
“Attacking him is not the way Nick.” Dr. Jimenez now says cutting in.
 
 
“Well sorry to tell you dumbasses, but Mickey has you all fooled,” Nick said to
the crowd in the room
 
 
“Why would Mickey do that?” Dr. Jimenez asked Nick.
 
 
“Well do you really think he let me out for the fucking interest in medical
science? God, you guys are fuckin stupid. He let me out for the selfish
reason.” Nick said.
 
 
“Now what selfish reason would that be Nick?” Dr. Jimenez asked Nick   
 
 
“And what selfish reason would that be Nick” Nick mimic Dr. Jimenez and then
continues to talk. “Because he wants to get down to the bottom of his deep dark
secret,” Nick said as a matter of fact.
 
 
“That’s a good idea.” Collin said.
 
 
Nick tilts his head to the side and squints his eyes at Collin and speaks to
him. “You almost sound like you meant that.”
 
 
“I do Nick if that means it will help Mickey.” Collin said to Nick.
 
 
Nick rolls his eyes at Collin. “Well, Mick isn’t the only one who has a stack
in this okay. And since Mickey doesn’t know the secret I guess I’m holding all
the cards, aren’t I.” Nick said smiling at Collin and everyone else with his
arms crossed over his chest.
 
 
“We know what happened to him, we can easily tell him.” Collin said now and is
frustrated.
 
 
Nick chuckles and starts to walk around the sala like it was nothing while he
speaks. “You do that and I stay here forever and you lose your precious Mickey…
Besides, like I said you don’t know shit! You only know what you think you
know. But I guarantee you, that if you did know; it would make your sick!” Nick
said to Collin. Nick goes up to Collin and smiles at him wanting to taunt him
“especially You considering that this is kind of your fault! I mean you did say
you always promise mommy dearest that you would protect little Mickey. But you
failed and because I protected!” Nick said and turns away from Collin.
 
 
“Mickey knows there’s a secret Nick.” Dr. Jimenez said to him
 
 
“Yeah well see I ain’t gonna stroll my ass down memory lane unless I speak to
Ian or see him,” Nick said again. This time he wasn’t playing games. It was
time for them to negotiate; if they wanted information from him, then they had
to give him something in return.
 
 
“Well you know your brothers and sister” Dr. Jimenez starts to say but Nick
cuts her off.
 
 
“No-no-no-no-no-no. They ain’t my siblings okay, and they have no rights over
me.” Nick argues to Dr. Jimenez.
 
 
“Well, Nick you see you’re not in control here. You can’t make demands like
this” Dr. Jimenez tells him.
 
 
“Oh I ain’t demanding anything; I’m just tellin you the truth Doc. Unless I see
Ian, I ain’t saying shit, and you know I will do it too.  I will take whatever
secrets me and Mick got and bury them.” Nick said with a cold hard face.
 
 
That was when Mandy took the initiative to open the doors from the sala and go
get Ian. If it meant that some progress can be done today that would help Nick
open up about what happened to Mickey all those years ago, then so be it. This
was becoming overwhelming really fast. As soon as the doors were open again,
Ian walks through the door. Nick turns around to see Ian at the door and runs
up to him kissing him fiercely hard. Their kiss seems like a lifetime ago and
Ian was holding Nick close to him for dear life and Nick was doing the same.
 
 
Once they broke the kiss they were both breathless. Ian puts his forehead and
Nicks together and smiles at him. “Hi!” Ian said with a smile and Nick says
“Hey” and smiles back at Ian. Meanwhile, Mandy smiles at the love she saw her
brother and new friend have. It was romantic, almost like a Romeo and Juliet
kind of thing, except who would be Juliet Mandy thought to herself real quick
but brushed that thought away from her mind.
 
 
Mandy sees Colt now entering the sala. He looks pissed off and annoyed at
seeing Mickey and Ian together. Granted Mandy wanted her brother back and
wanted him healthy again, but seeing that kind of love; she didn’t know why,
but it was nice. Who were they to step in the way of them, even if Nick was
Mickey, she wondered if they had any right to take something like this away
from them. At least her brother got someone to love him she thinks to herself.
Mandy sees Collin glaring at her. Iggy, she couldn’t read his facial expression
but he just looks away just as Nick and Ian start kissing again.
 
 
“I missed you so fucking much,” Ian said to Nick. Nick just kisses Ian and held
on to him “I’m never leaving you again.” Nick said back to Ian. The display of
love was pretty intense and it was like they were in there own world; where
they didn’t care no one was around them. They were speaking softly to each
other that you can barely hear them, but they were smiling at each other with
such love. But that was only until they heard someone clear there throat to get
both of their attention. Nick and Ian both turn around to the person doing it.
 
 
It was Colt and he was standing in front of the double doors. “So what, you
guys bargain with him to see Ian and now what? He gets to tell you what
happened to Mickey?” Colt asked annoyingly at everything.
 
 
“Well Dick breath, it didn’t happen to Mickey it happened to me. HE bailed and
let me handle the situation all by myself. If he knew what really happened he’d
take a hike permanently.” Nick snaps out at Colt because he didn’t know shit.
 
 
“Oh is that what you’re so worried about huh?” Colt says at Nick mocking him
now. Everyone in the room can see how Nick tenses up and is pissed off. Ian has
to hold Nick back from attacking Colt now. Even the Milkovich siblings tense up
and the room’s atmosphere definitely changed.
 
 
“Yes! Of course, he is.” And with that statement, everyone looks back at Dr.
Jimenez as she spoke. “The whole purpose of an alter is to protect the host.
That’s what Nick has always done for Mickey. He’s his protector.” Dr. Jimenez
states and then turns to look at Nick now. “Aren’t you Nick?” Dr. Jimenez asked
Nick still looking at him as he nods his head slightly but no one saw but her
and Ian.
 
 
“You can’t be serious?” Colt spat out to Dr. Jimenez.
 
 
Dr. Charlene Jimenez looks at Colt and shakes her head wondering how selfish
can one person be? “Oh I know it’s true. I’m the expert remember! (She says to
Colt and sees Nick smiling at her as she answers Colt) The problem is, that in
some cases an alter will do things that are not in the best interest of the
hosts' personality.” Dr. Jimenez says now. She was a professional, but she was
getting annoyed at Colt. If he didn’t have the degree or qualification as she
did, then he should shut the fuck up.
 
 
“Oh well you can trust me; Mickey doesn’t want to know what happened to him,”
Nick said.
 
 
“And you’re so sure what Mickey wants.” Collin now says sarcastically at Nick
rolling his eyes at him.
 
 
Nick just shrugs his shoulders at Collin. “Believe me or not. But it will give
him just the right push over the edge. So yeah I know what he wants.”  Nick
said confidently to Collin.
 
 
“Look Nick, all this happened when Mickey was a child, he’s an adult now. You
have to come together.” Dr. Jimenez says to Nick trying to reason with him.
“And Nick, again you won’t disappear. I know that’s what you’re fearing, but it
won’t happen like that.” She adds
 
 
“Yeah well nah. See I don’t want to be integrated.” Nick says “Plus maybe I
won’t disappear, but I will end up with that fucker there.” Nick says pointing
Colt “And you know what, that ain’t fucking happening okay. I ain’t gonna lose
my identity and end up with him! And I’m sure as fucking hell ain’t gonna lose
Ian either.” Nick snaps out.
 
 
“Look, Nick, your family doesn’t want you gone. I know what alters do, there
are many of them, different from you. But they’re created for a reason because
they’re not able to handle the whole picture on their own and you know this..”
Dr. Jimenez says to Nick.
 
 
“That’s not true,” Nick said quickly.
 
 
“Your family doesn’t want you gone okay. They know that you’re a part of
Mickey, they just don’t want you in control because they know when you’re in
control you do things that can be reckless. Things that can hurt Mickey and we
know you protect him, just like he protects you.” Dr. Jimenez said to Nick.
 
 
“Mickey didn’t protect me okay; he didn’t save my life I saved his!” Nick said
firmly to her.
 
 
“And we're grateful for that Nick.” Collin said now to Nick. Nick turns and
sees Mandy and Iggy nodding their heads in agreement.
 
 
“You don’t mean that shit.” Nick said and turns around to walk towards the
window. Ian just watches him in silence. He knows Nick needs his space; he does
that every time he’s upset, he’ll go the window and stare outside for hours if
you let him when he was upset. But now Nick holds his hand out for Ian so Ian
takes it without hesitation.
 
 
Collin walks to his brother and speaks to him. “You know I was wondering the
other day about when Mickey, he was a kid right; you had to be about what 6 or
7 years old maybe. And you were jumping from the table to couch like you were
trying to fly or something. Collin said and continues on talking as he was
remembering. “You looked like you were going to hurt yourself. I told you to
stop before dad saw you, and you looked at me and gave me a face and cross your
arms and stuck your chin out and said ‘fuck him’ (Nick turns around and had an
irritated look on his face) that right there was the same face” Collin said
pointing to Nick. “That was you wasn’t it?” Collin asked Nick.
 
 
Nick looks at Collin with glassy eyes and chuckles “Well Terry sure as hell
never like it when we tried to play and be happy.” Nick simply said but
bitterly as well. Terry was a hard subject for them all, but Nick more than
anything.
 
 
“Look Nick…I love you okay. You’re my brother and it took me some time to
understand that, but I do know that I love you so much. I love you because you
can be an ass, you’re funny when you want to be, and most importantly you took
the pain that Mickey couldn’t handle.  That pain is still with you I know it
is. I might not know what it was like to feel exactly what you felt or handle
what you did handle, but I know Nick. You aren’t alone here; it’s time for the
pain to go away.” Collin said to Nick emotionally.
 
 
Nick eyes Collin again and his tears are threatening to come out. But he
refused to have anyone see him like that. “For fuck sacks stop talking about
all this shit.” Nick spats out and walks into Ian's arms. Ian is holding him
and his back is against Ian’s chest now. Nick didn’t want to feel what he is
feeling. Nick was overwhelmed and he did want to cry, but he refused to let
anyone see him look a mess or give them the satisfaction.
 
 
“Talking about it helps Nick. It’s the only way you can get past this. Talking
about it is what will make it start to go away.” Mandy now says to Nick.
 
 
Nick looks up and laughs to himself. “You know what big bros and Big sis….maybe
I will do just that,” Nick said and he goes to sit down on the couch and waits
for Dr. Jimenez to start. He closes his eyes and is told to be relaxed and
breathe in slowly. “Okay Nick, you’re four years old okay. You’re back at your
childhood house. Now tell me do you remember this?” Dr. Jimenez asks Nick.
 
 
“Yeah!” Nick said.
 
 
“Okay, now tell me what do you remember?”  Dr. Jimenez asked.
 
 
“I’m in the house but I’m not by myself.  Terry had a few people over and he
kept coming to me and bothering me, telling me to hang out him and his
disgusting friends.” Nick said bitterly.
 
“What did you tell him?” Dr. Jimenez asked Nick.
 
 
Nick opens his eye and shakes his head. “You know what; I changed my mind I
can’t do this shit.” Nick said and gets up from the sofa.
 
 
“Nick no, please. You don’t have worry you’re safe here. It’s just us.” Dr.
Jimenez said to him.
 
 
“If you’re implying that I’m scared I’m not!” Nicks said.
 
 
“What’s stopping you from telling me anything Nick?” Dr. Jimenez asked him
 
 
“Because I ain’t got shit to say.” Nick snaps out at her.
 
 
“He was playing you guys the whole time just to get Ian in here. We should just
bring Mickey back.” Colt said from afar, but Nick hears him.
 
 
“For what big boy, so you can put me in my room? Fat chance” Nick said to Colt
and gives him the finger.
 
 
“Well, I want to talk to Mickey right now.” Dr. Jimenez said to Nick
 
 
“Yeah well, people in hell want Ice water. So forget it, it ain’t happening and
I ain’t going anywhere.” Nick said and crosses his arms over his chest smile
smiling at her.
 
 
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Colt said to Nick walking towards him.
That was when Ian decided to stand close to Nick. He was quietly waiting for
something to happen so he can have a reason to punch the guy in the face. But
Ian knew Nick had this, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t knock the asshole out.
 
 
“Somebody who’s not gonna be shoved around by your Tinkerbell ass!” Nick said
to Colt stepping in front of his face.
 
 
“Is there something we can do?” Iggy asked Dr. Jimenez.
 
 
“You guys I’m afraid I can’t force this on him.” Dr. Jimenez says to everyone
in the room.
 
 
“So you can’t snap him out of it?” Collin asked in disbelief.
 
 
“I’m sorry, but you guys knew that complications could happen, and this was a
risk we all took and Mickey knew about it. That was why we both decided Ian
should come. He’s able to at least keep Nick Calm.” Dr. Jimenez says
 
 
“She right; and since she has Mickey under hypnosis Charlene has no control
over Nick. So she can’t snap him out of it. This is something Mickey has to do
on his own, or Nick has to be willing to let Mickey come back.” Leah says now.
 
 
“Smart Cookie you got there Collin. I like her more and more now.” Nick says as
he pointed at Leah.
 
 
Just then Charlene phone rings and it’s the hospital so she excuses herself for
a moment and comes back to inform the group she has an emergency back at the
hospital with one of her patients. “Call me if something changes okay, but I
can’t snap Nick out of this. Mickey is the only one who can do that. Remember
Nick took control because Mickey needs him to.” she says and then she leaves.
So Nick is out again and he is enjoying pissing Colt off.
 
 
“I’m tired and I want to go home, Ian.”  Nick tells Ian because he really did
want to leave. He wants to be back to where he felt home was and is at.
 
 
“You’re not going anywhere with him,” Colt said growled at Ian and Nick.
 
 
“Oh yeah? Who the fuck you think you are? You think you can make me! Like I
said I ain’t gonna be pushed around by you or anyone.” Nick said responding to
Colt and stepping in front of him. Ian then pulls Nick back and tells him not
to listen to Colt. Colt looks at Ian and gives him a glare, but Ian ignores
him. Nick looks at Ian and listens to him and walks off into the bedroom while
dragging Ian along with him. And just to be a spiteful asshole that Nick is, he
pokes his head out of the bedroom door and yells out. “If you guys hear any
loud moaning and me screaming, don’t be alarm! me and Ian will just be having
sex!” Nick then slams the door and locks it.  Nick laughs to himself and turns
around to look at Ian who was just standing there waiting for him. “How have
you been?” Nick said to Ian softy as he was looking at him.
 
 
Ian shrugs his shoulder and is looking down at the floor then back at Nick
shyly. “Honestly Nick…I’ve been lost,” Ian said and looks down at his hands.
Nick nods his head at Ian. He then goes up to Ian and takes his face into his
hands and kisses Ian passionately until they were out of breath.
 
 
Nick sighs. The only person Nick has ever let his guard down to is Ian. And now
his emotions are showing as he speaks to Ian. “I’m so sorry Ian; I didn’t mean
to leave you…Don’t leave me because of this.”
 
 
“I’m tired, I’m confused, and I would really like to go home and feel something
again. But every time I go home and look at our bed, everything we shared.” Ian
said as tears come down his face. “Every time I think about us, I think about
my future and I have no doubts, Nick….But it hurts more and more to know that
you’re not fully mines.” Ian said sadly to Nick.
 
 
Nick wipes the tears coming down Ian's face as he speaks to him. “Ian… You will
have all of me I promise you. That’s if fucking Colt doesn’t let us be together
because Mickey is too fucking stupid…and if Collin doesn’t decide to step in
and be all ‘Big brother’ again and keep you away. Baby, you will always have me
no matter what…trust me okay.” Nick says to Ian.
 
 
“Look, Nick, me and you; we can always go somewhere else and start over. But
Nick Your family; Mandy and Iggy there not bad, and Collin is kind of okay.”
Ian says and Nick just rolls his eyes at that and looks away. “Plus it wasn’t
Collin who kept me away. (Nick looks up at Ian now waiting for an answer) It
was Mickey.” Nick turns away from Ian with guilt. “Mickey wanted to me away,
but long story short; he found me. And we talked; it was weird. I saw you in
everything he said and did.” Ian said while looking down at his hands “He’s the
reason why I’m here today, he invited me here.” Ian said in a whisper wiping
his face.
 
 
Nick squints at Ian “Right now, my family consist of me, you, Debbie, and
Mickey, unfortunately. (Ian gave him a face in telling him to stop it, but Nick
ignores it) I don’t need anyone else Ian….So are you sure you’re still willing
to be with me? Be with me while having these fucking multiple personality in my
head and dealing with these extra alter now?” Nick asked Ian.
 
 
Ian is quiet for a moment looking at Nick with ‘are you fucking serious face’
“Yes! I told you before I love you and all of you, no matter what.”
 
 
“This; us… is doomed, you know that right.” Nick said and it hurts for him to
say it, but he has to say it. He needs Ian to be sure of what he is getting
himself into. “You fell in love with someone who doesn’t exist,” Nick said to
Ian. Nick knew about everything that happened in the hospital and while Mickey
was out. He was there, he saw and he felt the pain and guilt of when Ian left
that hospital room. What Nick didn’t know was that Mickey found Ian when he
asked him to. He made a mental note to himself to remember that.
 
 
“For Christ sack Nick, don’t say that. You’re here okay. You’re real, and with
me.” Ian said to Nick passionately.
 
 
“This is terminal, Ian.” Nick said again to Ian, looking at him. Nick held back
tears because the thought of losing Ian again hurt him more than anything in
this fucked up world. But maybe letting Ian go was for the best.
 
 
“Stop it, Nick! You’re everything to me okay. You’re the reason I exist and why
I wake up in the morning hoping that one day you will come back to me no matter
what. And yeah I’ve been hitting the bottle pretty hard, but you give me hope.
I’m not giving up on you or us.” Ian said passionately again looking Nick in
his eyes. Ian gives Nick another kiss for reassurance of his words.
 
 
Nick is quiet for a moment and makes a small smile on his face; then he speaks
softly to Ian. “You know… when you say that, it makes it sound like it can be
so real.”
 
 
“You need a family to Nick. That’s why you and me met. Two lost souls in this
world; me and you.” Ian said to Nick smiling brightly at him. And Ian was
right; in a way, they are two lost souls in this world who needed each other
more than anything.
 
 
Nick smiles at Ian and says “I love you.”
 
 
“I love you too,” Ian said and leans down to Kiss the man he loves so much,
holding him close not wanting to let him go ever again. But Ian had a feeling
this wouldn’t last and knew that he would be heartbroken all over again. But if
it meant having Nick with him and fighting for him just a little bit longer?
Than yeah; he would rather do this then feel like his life was worthless and
nothing again. “You know if we do leave they will track you down Nick, and so
will Colt.”
 
 
“I think that bastard part bloodhound or something.” Nick said to Ian making a
face at him.
 
 
“I think he’s an asshole.” Ian spats out.
 
 
Nick laughs at that and speaks to Ian, who was still holding him. “Well let’s
just get outta here, so we don’t have to deal with Milkovich siblings”.
 
 
“Well at some point Nick you’re going to have to,” Ian says and when Nick
didn’t say anything Ian continues talking. “Look, babe, I know you don’t like
them, but they do care for you. I mean Mandy; her and Debbie are close. I see a
lot of resemblance to you and her. She tough, outspoken, loud, and she has a
mouth on her just like you do… She’s been great to me and Debbie. She does love
you.” Ian said to Nick.
 
 
“Can’t I just deal with them another time? Right now I want to go home to OUR
bed, in OUR house…Where I feel at home and safe.” Nick said looking at Ian, and
shit. God Damn it; Ian never could say no to Nick when he made that sad fucking
face that he always does. He hated seeing Nick pout. Fucking asshole is so
going to be the death of him.
 
 
Ian huffs “Fine, but I’m telling you right now, they’re not gonna like it. But
they might or might not be willing to let you leave with me just like that
Nick.” Ian tells him with a serious face.
 
 
“Well, they don’t fucking rule me or Mickey. So Ima go where ever the fuck I
please! And let a mother fucker try and stop me.” Nick said going to the closet
to change his clothes. He turns around and looks at Ian as he strips his
clothes off slowly while speaking “You like what you see red?” he said in a
flirty kind of way and smiles at Ian.
 
 
Ian smiles back at Nick and nods his head because he knew what Nick wanted.
“I’m not fucking you while they're here and can hear us.” Ian said to him
laughing.
 
 
Nick laughs and says “Well why not? I told them if they heard us, it was
because we’re having sex! So they are fully aware that there will be loud
noises coming from in here.” Nick said while pointing down.
 
 
“Nooooo, nope, not happening.” Ian said while laughing at Nick as Nick gave him
a face of ‘are you seriously’.
 
 
“You’re denying me of sex!? Ooooh no, nooope that’s it. We’re done. I can’t
stand the torcher.” Nick said playing around with Ian as he laughs.  Ian wraps
his strong arms around Nicks' waist and kisses him deeply that it made both men
moan. “We soooo need to hurry up and get home, like NOW!” Nick said.
 
 
Ian nods his head and lets Nick get dressed. As always Nick looks good when he
gets dressed in any dark colors. Nick does his hair, put his earring in his
ear, and is putting on his eyeliner while looking at Ian. Nick smiles at Ian
and Ian smiles right back at him. How did these two find each other in this big
world was beyond them, and Ian was memorized at how Nick got himself ready?
Taking in every detail of what he did. Once Nick is done, both men were ready
to leave, but stop when they overheard the conversation that was going on in
the sala.
 
 
“We can’t just leave him like this or in there with Ian,” Colt said to the
Milkovich siblings.
 
 
“Well Ian’s the only one who can calm Nick down, plus Mickey said it was best
to have Ian around in case something like his happens,” Collin said to Colt.
 
 
“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” Colt shouts at Collin.
 
 
Collin goes up to Colt and makes a fist. “Shout at me again and I won’t give a
shit if you’re Mickey boyfriend or whatever the fuck you are! I will knock your
fucking teeth in and break both your kneecaps. You Got that!” Collin said to
Colt in a low threatening voice that even Iggy steps back. “Now for the moment
we might not like the situation; but my brother is fine at the moment, he might
not be himself but he’s with someone that my brothers and my sister trust.”
Collin said to Colt.
 
 
“Oh, so Mickey trusts Ian now? Yeah fucking right okay; Nick is not –How the
fuck can you justify this shit? All he’s doing is ruining Mickey’s life!” Colt
says out loud
 
 
“You know what Colt, the sooner you come to the realization that all this is
real, that Mickey is sick. That he has multiple personality disorder and that
each and every one of those alters is a part of him. Then shit will go by
smoother. But right now the more you talk the more I wanna kick your ass. I get
that you’re hurting or whatever the fuck and it’s hard for you right now. But
you can either be supportive and if not then leave! Because right now it’s not
about us, it’s not about you, it’s about him.” Iggy said standing next to
Collin who gave him a nod in agreeing with his brother.
 
 
“It’s like what Leah and Charlene said, an alters’ job is to protect the host.
Mickey is that host. And if he’s not ready to face what’s happened to him; then
we can’t force him to. You may know some of what happened, but you don’t know
the whole thing! Shit, we don’t even know the whole thing…The only person who
does knows everything is in that room over there…We can’t force this on Mick,
he has to come to terms with it and he needs us to be there for him. Whether he
is Nick or another alter he needs us!” Mandy said to Colt. Mandy wasn’t one for
being patient when it came to certain things, but when it came to Mickey and
seeing for herself; and reading up more on his disorder. She came to the
solution that this was going to be a long ride. A ride she and her brothers
were willing to ride out with Mickey.
 
 
“This is bullshit! Why can’t we just tell him, he was a product of rape as a
child? Why can’t we simply tell him! Why should we believe Nick and anything he
is saying?” Colt tells the group.
 
 
That was when Nick decided to cut in “Because-you dumb fuck! Didn’t I explain
that pushing Mickey would make him fall so hard that he would be gone? He will
literally lose himself and I, little o me will be here for a long, long, long,
and Oh did I not say a long time? That, by the way, sounds pretty fucking good
when you think about.” Nick said as he smiles and turns to Ian “Can we go now?
I wanna fucking big bacon cheeseburger sooooo bad and a side of you.” Nick said
while smilings at Ian. Ian nods his head at Nick and they make their way
towards the door.
 
 
“Wait are you sure? I mean we can have dinner here and you know….I make the
best bacon cheeseburgers ever!” Mandy said quickly as she looks at Ian and Nick
while they were getting ready to leave. Both men turn around and look at one
another. Nick looks just annoyed because he doesn’t want to be here right now.
 
 
“No. I want to leave this place it’s making me feel too cooped up.” Nick said
to her only looking at her.
 
 
“Please?” She said to him and Nick looks at her sadly. When Nick didn’t
respond, she spoke again with some hope in her voice “well are you at least
going to come back?” Mandy and Iggy said at the same time. Meanwhile, Collin
and Leah were talking out on the balcony. Leah looked like she was upset with
what Collin was saying to her and that got Nick feeling suspicious. They both
were walking back in the house and she looked furious.
 
 
“Maybe.” Nick said while Looking st Collin and Leah then looks back at Mandy
and Iggy. “ okay look, none of you are my fucking keeper. So I’m gonna go out
with Ian and we're gonna have a nice date and most likely fuck aaaall. Night.
Long.” Nick says while looking at Colt. Then Nick looks back at Mandy and Iggy.
“FYI, if I do decide to come back here. Make sure he’s not here.” Nick said
while pointing at Colt.
 
 
It was pointless really to try and fight with Nick. The more you fought with
him the more he stood in control. Now it was up to Mickey to want to come back.
Whatever he remembered as a child made him bring Nick back out. So, Collin,
Iggy, and Mandy had to just suck it up, because they did mean everything they
said to Nick. They loved him for taking care of Mickey when they couldn’t, and
especially when Collin should have. So now they will have to wait until Mickey
is strong enough to come back. And the Milkovich siblings will do that for
their brother.
 
 
Colt, of course, was furious, but Mandy told Nick that Colt won’t be around
whenever he wants to contact them. She was secretly hoping that Ian would get
him to open up to them. If Nick is going to be here for a while, then she
wanted to know her brother again. Even if he was another person, Nick is still
part of Mickey. Mandy goes up to Nick and hugs him tight like she didn’t want
to let him go. He didn’t hug her back, he felt weird doing that. Iggy just
nodded his head at him and Collin did the same. Nick turned around and walked
to Ian who was at the door waiting for him. Ian nodded his head to Mandy who
probably worded something to him “BYE!” Nick yelled out as he walked out the
loft apartment with Ian in hand.
Chapter End Notes
     So Nicks back but for how long?
     PS. I sooooo dedicate this to maryellen590 (Mary) Congratulations.
     Plus I pass my BIO so Good new all around. Enjoy the chapter you guys
     xoxoxoxoxox
***** The first fight! LOL *****
Chapter Notes
     Thanks for still reading you guys. School has started but I'm still
     going to update this and finish it. Just bear with me a little
     longer. xoxoxox
      
     Okay, so I'm back... I've been gone for a while apologizes. School
     and work is crazy.
     So this chapter has some trigger warning as far as past rape and
     abuse. I want you all to know that so just in case. I had a bit of a
     problem writing those parts. Personal experience all effects the
     writing. Anywho. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Please do let me
     know what you guys think of this chapter.
     Please leave your comments and I love your kudos and comments. I
     respond to them all. Well see yah guys later.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
As soon as Nick and Ian returned to the house, they were all over each other.
Ian did take Nick to go get a big bacon cheeseburger, which he enjoyed by the
way. But once they got back to the house it was a different ball game. Debbie
wasn’t home, so the house was all to themselves. Nick attacks Ian as soon as
the front door opens and they were all over each other. Nick removes his jacket
and Ian removes his. While Nick is moving forward kissing Ian, never removing
his lips from him, Ian was walking backward until they reach the steps and they
fell down. Both Men laughed and just looked at each other with such lust and
hunger. Both men got up and Ian held out his hand to Nick, which he took
gratefully. Then both men went upstairs and were removing their clothes and
throwing them on the floor not caring where it went. Once they got to their
room, they were both in their boxers and were on each other again.
 
Nick pushes Ian on the bed and hovers over him. Nick combs back some of Ian’s
hair from his face and lowers himself down to kiss Ian passionately and deeply.
His tongue slid over Ian’s, and both men enjoyed tasting and feeling that
sensation of one another. Nick sucks on Ian’s bottom lip and pulls it playfully
as he releases it sitting up straddling Ian. Nick smiles down at Ian taking in
the sight before his eyes. The way Ian’s body was flushed, the way his arms are
curved strong muscles and how his chest down to his abs looks so perfect and
muscular; Nick looks at Ian with such love.  Nick starts to kiss Ian again and
then went down to his neck sucking and biting it, making dark marks. He kisses
down towardsIan'sn chest and then begins to let his tongue drag out over Ian’s
abs stopping at his hips. Nick kisses Ian’s hip and bites him lightly making
another red mark on him.
 
 
Nick looks up to find Ian staring at him and he smiles hovering over his cock.
He teases Ian at first with a small lick of his cock tasting the precum and
watching Ian drop his head back in pleasure. Then with one swift motion Nick
takes the tip of Ian’s cock into his mouth and is playing with it. Ian throws
his head back again and arches his back at the sensation and feeling of
pleasure that is going through his body right now.
 
 
Nick takes Ian further down and is bobbing his head up and down faster while
sucking hard on Ian. Ian grabs Nicks’ hair and pulls it as he breathing out
Nicks name over and over again. Nick is moaning as Ian grabs his hair because
god he fucking loves it. Nick wants Ian to release into his mouth; he wants to
feel close to Ian again. He wants every bit of Ian inside of him. Ian’s panting
heavier and faster “Nick….Fuck….Nick….hmmm. FUCK Nick Ima cum…stop-don’t-” Ian
tries to pull Nick off, but Nick holds Ian’s hips down and pushes further down
on Ian and sucks even harder on Ian’s cock. Ian than cries out and releases
into Nick’s mouth while gripping on to the bed sheets and Nicks' hair.
 
 
 
Nick swallows all of Ian release and is licking him clean before going back up
to straddle Ian again. Ian then sits up, grabs Nick by the neck and captures
him by his the lips. The kiss is sloppy but tasting Nick and himself all at the
same time makes Ian hard again and the blood rush to Ian’s cock making him hard
again.  Nick smiles into the kiss and enjoys the feeling of what he does to
Ian. He loves making him fall apart like this; he loves it when he touches him,
and when Ian holds him. It’s just right. Since day one of meeting Ian, of them
being together, the roughness, the sex, the pleasure, and everything was just
right.
 
 
Ian then flips Nick around and grabs the lube from inside the nightstand and
puts some on his fingers, while he kisses and sucks on Nick’s neck. Making Nick
moan loud as he fists Ian’s hair and arches his back to the sensation of Ian
sucking on his neck and pressing not one but two fingers into him. And Nick
loves the feeling of that instant stink of relief of pleasure. Ian’s finger
fucking him just right and Nick chocks out with a hitch in his voice “more…(he
breathes) please more baby.” So Ian gives him another finger and kisses his jaw
and makes his way to Nicks mouth kissing him while their tongues fight for
dominance. All you hear is moaning and panting as Nick breaks the kiss and is
panting harder because Ian keeps brushing over his sweet spot. Making Nick feel
so good that his toes curl up and he clenches his stomach. Ian stops because he
knows Nick is close and he wants this to last. It’s been too long since him and
Nick been with one another and he wants it to last.
 
 
Nick whines at the lack of touch, he see Ian put the lube on his cock and coats
it. Ian then hikes up Nick’s leg over his shoulders and puts himself inside of
Nick. Nick moans at the instant feeling and Ian shuts his eyes and leans his
head down. The instant warmth and tightness around his cock is so much to bear
that he’s trying hard not to cum right then and there inside his lover. Ian
pushes himself inside of Nick and starts to thrust in and out. Nick is gripping
the sheets of the bed and biting his lips. Ian’s thrust starts off at a good
pace, but then it picks up, and his pace is starting to become more erotic and
he’s losing control. Nick is moaning louder making all sorts of noises and Ian
is looking at him with such lust. Harder and deeper! Ian keeps going in and out
of Nick all the while as Nick has his eyes on Ian the whole time trying to keep
them open. Nick groans when Ian hit the perfect spot. “Right there…don’t
stop….more Ian, faster” Nick moans out, all the while as Ian was biting and
kissing Nick’s neck now. Nick grips onto Ian’s hair and moves Ian from his
neck. He kisses Ian harder as Ian is moving in and out faster and deeper inside
of him. Both Ian and Nick were falling apart, and then in with a few final
thrust, Nick is cumming in between him and Ian so hard, that he saw stars as he
arches his back up and held onto Ian close not wanting him to move. Ian at the
same time stiffens as he hit his orgasm, being deep inside Nick and he didn’t
want to move as well.
 
 
They stay like this for a few moments while kissing each other, and holding
each other, not moving at all. Ian is still inside of Nick and his cock was
already soft but Nick didn’t want him to leave or move. Nick holds on to Ian
longer and is talking to him, saying sweet things to him and smiling fondly at
Ian. Ian was blushing red and laughing at the silly shit Nick was saying to
him. When Ian finally pulled out of Nick, Nick winced from the release and
instantly lies down on Ian chest. Ian tries to move and clean both of them up,
but Nick wanted to just lay there. Ian didn’t argue, he knew Nick and knew he
just wanted to hold Ian close to him. They both drifted off to sleep not
letting go of each other for the rest of the night.
 
                  *******************************************
                                        
For the next few of days Ian and Nick where in their own bubble, no one could
disturb them or even say a word to them. Plus they were fucking like bunny
rabbits so much that Debbie walked in on them while Nick was riding Ian into
the sofa. Then again when Ian had Nick bend over the kitchen sink, and then
again as she was going up to her room. They were actually fucking in the stairs
and Debbie threw a sneaker at them. She told them if she catches them again
that she was going ripe one of their balls off. It didn’t really stop them. But
for those few days of bliss Ian went to work and would come home to Nick
working on his laptop. 
 
 
“hmmm it feels good to have you again,” Ian says to Nick while in bed. He had
just got home from doing a double shift and was tired.
 
 
“hmmm it feels good to be here again with you, wrap in your arms.” Nick says to
Ian as he spoons him. Nick loves to be held by Ian. Something he would never
admit to anyone. He never did all this cuddling shit with anyone he slept with.
But this was Ian, and only with Ian was that it always felt new and good to
him. A feeling He didn’t want to ever let go of. “What are we doing tomorrow?
I’m off from work.” Nick asked Ian. Nick had recently decided to go back to
work at the club, but only as a bar tender. Tips weren’t as much, but he got to
Dj there whenever he wanted to and make drinks all night while drink as well.
 
 
“Hmm well, Mandy is coming over to hang out. She asked and I said sure. Plus
she misses you.” Ian tells Nick.
 
 
Nick sighs. “She misses Mickey not me Ian,” Nick says dryly to Ian.
 
 
Ian sits up slightly. “No Nick she misses her brother.” Ian says and Nick turns
around to glare at him. “Don’t look at me like that okay. She just wants to
spend time with you and get to know you. You can’t get mad at her for wanting
to know you.”
 
 
Nick gets up from the bed and goes to grab his sweat pants from the floor. “Oh
yeah sure, like she doesn’t secretly want Mickey to come back out?” Nick spats
out to Ian.
 
 
With that Ian also gets up from the bed, slightly annoyed at Nick. “Nick she’s
knows this is not easy for you or me and it’s not easy for them! For god sacks
she’s not the one hiding!” Ian says to Nick and he instantly regrets it when he
saw Nick’s expression on his face.
 
 
Nick was hurt, but now he was pissed off. “FUCK YOU! You don’t know shit. You
don’t know a god damn fucking thing! I’m not hiding; Mickey is. So don’t you
fucking think for one second that I’m afraid of anything!” Nick yells at Ian
and tries to leave the room.
 
 
Ian grabs Nicks hand and stops him before he can leave the room. “Nick that’s
not what I meant and it came out wrong!” Ian tries to tell him, but Nick wasn’t
listening to him.
 
 
“No it came out how it was meant to come out.” Nick says suddenly and wants to
leave the room before this conversation turns into a huge fight causing someone
to either end up in the hospital or heart broken.
 
 
“Look Nick okay, listen to me okay.” Ian says to Nick, and Nick turns away from
Ian again. Ian gets up and grabs him so Nick is facing him now. “Look Nick, if
you have any faith in me, then you have to have some faith as well. I didn’t
mean for it to come out like that. Plus your sister wants to come over and I
don’t see what’s the problem?” Ian says.
 
“Well then you know what Ian? Maybe you don’t have to find out, maybe it’s not
worth your time then?” Nick says with no heat, and no emotions behind his
voices. He walks out the room and Ian leaves him alone. He knew that Nick would
most likely end up ignore him and not talking to him at all. They wouldn’t call
this a fight, more like I don’t want to do this so you can’t make me, end of
discussion.
 
Ian didn’t mean to say that Nick was hiding, but in a way he was avoiding Mandy
phone calls, and text messages. Even Collin and Iggy tried to reach out to
Nick. But Nick being Nick, he wanted nothing to do with them. Ian wanted Nick
to show them that Nick is a person, more than what they already think and know
he is. But like always, Nick made things complicated for everyone.
 
*****
 
The following day, Mandy showed up and Nick wasn’t home. Nick told Debbie that
he had to work at the club that night someone called out. When Debbie told Ian
what Nick told her, he knew it was bullshit. Both of them were off and it was
so convenient that someone called off from work when he had told him Mandy was
coming over.
 
 
Mandy was kind of sad her brother wasn’t there. Nick hadn’t returned her calls
or answered her text messages. She knew he was avoiding her, but she wasn’t
going to give up. “Sooooo. Where does Nick work at now?” Mandy asked curiously.
 
 
“He still works at one of the clubs in Boys Town, but he’s bartending instead.
Why?” Debbie says and then continues to talk when she sees Mandy’ face light
up. “You wanna go see him at work don’t you?” Debbie asked her.
 
 
“Well fuck yeah. If that’s the only fucking way he will see me, and that I can
spend time with him! Then yeah, why not?” Mandy says shrugging her shoulders
and then crossing her arms across her chest while having a smirk on her face.
“Plus I get to see what other skills he’s got. Mick works with cars and fucking
plays the guitar and is a geek when it comes to like any DC or Marvel shit.
Nick doesn’t seem like that, so I wanna know this fucker and he’s gonna have no
choice but to look at this hot face and spend time with me.” Mandy says with a
big smile on her face while wiggling her eye brows at the same time.
 
 
Debbie smiles and chuckles a little at Mandy’s determination. Yeah she and Nick
did act a lot alike down to the attitude and the weird shit they did. “True.
Let me get Ian so we can go. Nick bartends at the club now, so maybe we can get
a few free drinks.” Debbie says to Mandy.
 
 
“Free alcohol and dancing. Fuck yeah that’s what I’m talking about!” Mandy
says.  Debbie goes upstairs to go get Ian and get ready herself.
 
 
Both redheads came down about 15 minutes later. Ian was fresh out the shower.
He wore a tight blue short-sleeve shirt that showed his muscles and blue jeans
with his black sneaker. His hair was scruff a bit not too much but he was cute.
Debbie had on black skinny jeans with sleeveless t-shirt/Gallus tank top
blouse. She looked pretty hot, her hair was up in a ponytail she had eyeliner
on with some lip gloss. Nothing to over the top, she was looking nice.  After
they were ready they headed out. Ian text Nick saying that they were going to
the club and bringing Mandy. He didn’t get a responds back, but Ian figured it
being Friday night maybe it was busy and Nick didn’t feel his phone vibrating.
After last night; he would say there argument was a disagreement and not fight.
Nick was fine this morning, so Ian assumed things were okay.
 
                **********************************************
 
Since everyone knew Ian, getting inside was a piece of cake. The bouncers
greeted Ian and allowed him to skip everyone on the line. Of course a few
people on the line protest, but who gives a shit. Once they step in the club,
Mandy and Debbie eyes brighten up, all these men hot and hell they were gay.
Life can be so cruel sometimes. Debbie and Mandy decided to make a bet to see
if one of them can get someone’s number and change their minds. Leave it to
them to think that they can do that. Surely some of these men had to be
bisexual at least right? Before they decided to do that, Debbie and Mandy were
gonna get their coats check in first then head to the bar to see Nick. Ian went
straight to the bar and told the girls he will be over there.
 
 
The club is packed with everyone on the dance floor dancing and drinking. The
bar seems to be busy, but Ian couldn’t spot Nick anywhere. So he went up to one
of the bartenders who knew him, and asked him where Nick was at.
 
 
“Hey Lucky!” Ian says to the average height blonde muscular man behind the bar.
 
 
“Oh hey Ian! Haven’t seen you in here in a while man! How are you?” Lucky says
to Ian loud trying to talk over the music.
 
 
“I’m good working a lot. Hey where’s Nick? He said he was working tonight but I
don’t see him back here.” Ian says to Lucky, who looks like he just seen a
ghost. Now the man was tanned so for him to change colors on Ian got Ian
suspicious. When Lucky acts like he didn’t hear him, Ian gets pissed off.
“WHERE IS HE LUCKY!” Ian shouts over the bar at Lucky. Lucky moves his eyes to
look at something. Ian notices this and turns his head to the direction Lucky
is looking at. What he saw; didn’t necessarily shock him, but it did. The
reason why that is; is because the one thing Nick never did was lie to Ian, and
right now even that was a lie. Ian turns back to Lucky and speaks. “My sister
and Nick’s sister is going to come over here. Give them whatever they want, and
tell them that I went to go talk to Nick. In private. And don’t you fucking
dare say anything.” Ian says and Lucky just nods at Ian.
 
 
Ian makes his way through the crowd. He sees Nick dancing on stage. The mother
fucker said he stopped dancing. Ian didn’t have a problem with Nick dancing, he
really didn’t. He trusts him, but Nick told him that he stopped dancing and
that’s why Ian’s in between of being upset, disappointed, and pissed the fuck
off. But Ian did remember that Nick said sometimes other dancers would call out
and he would cover for them. But Nick always told Ian if he was dancing that
night. Nick hadn’t notice Ian and he was swerving his hips and dancing like
nothing else mattered. Ian had to admit that was one thing Nick did best at.
Dance like no one was watching him and he always seemed to be free when he was
doing that. When the song changes Nick got down from the stage. A few men were
trying to get Nick to give them a lap dance from what Ian could tell. Nick
would just shack his head no and continue to walk to the back room.
 
Ian sees that Nick came right back out from the back room and went back on
stage. The music starts again and Nick is dancing to the music again. Nick had
no idea that Ian is in the crowd looking at him. Mandy and Debbie end up
finding Ian, but soon as the found him they were distracted at what they saw
Ian looking at. Mandy spits out her drink, as she saw her baby brother dancing
on stage and letting guys put money in his shorts. Debbie is blushing and
instantly looks at Ian to see if he was upset. She couldn’t tell.
 
“I thought you said he was a bartender?” Mandy asked Debbie and looks at Ian.
 
 
“He is, but he told me he had to cover a shift for one of his co-workers
tonight. It was probably one of the dancers who called out or something?”
Debbie says to Mandy who is looking at her brother in another way.
 
 
“Well shit I can’t even get my hips to do that! How the fuck does he do that?”
She asked to no one in particular and just says it out loud. “Shit I have to
ask him one day.” Mandy says out loud and both redheads looked at her with a
shock yet amused expression.
 
 
“Ian, you’re not mad are you?” Debbie asked her big brother.
 
 
“What?...No-no-no….Um he’s told me sometimes he would dance if one of the guys
calls out. It’s just been awhile since I’ve seen him on stage with all of those
asshole trying to touch him.” Ian says to Debbie as he keeps looking at Nick.
Ian always got somewhat rattled when Nick danced. He would get jealous
sometimes but did try to hide it. But right now both women saw straight through
him. They can tell Ian is jealous of all those men putting money in Nicks pants
and that Ian is holding himself back.
 
 
When the song died out, Nick gets off the stage and goes into the back and
changes. He sees his phone and reads the text message from Ian. He didn’t
panic, but he shot Ian a text back asking him that he was working and he would
be home soon, to not come. He wasn’t sure if it was too late, but he got a text
1 minute later
 
 
Ian: Sorry we’re here already. Loved your performance.
 
 
Nick: Very funny asshole. Did Mandy really come?
 
 
Ian: Yuuuuup and she loved your performance as well. Even said ‘how the fuck
does he get his hips to move like that’ and something about asking you how you
move them so she can do it too. LOL.
 
 
Nick groaned, he didn’t want to see Mandy, he didn’t feel like she really
wanted to know him. What was the point really? Not like she cared about Nick.
Nick thought to himself.
 
 
Nick: HA! Tell her its skills, and she has none. Debbie with you guys as well?
 
 
Ian: Yeah. Apparently, her and Mandy have a bet about who can get the most
numbers here. I think I should join them make them worship my skills. :P
 
 
Nick: LOL they do know it’s a gay club right? And Fuck you if you join them.
Yah bitches know I would win that! Bet and you would have to be my slave. Only
you would be my slave and do whatever I say! ;D
 
 
Ian: We are not dirty talking now, because you know that shit gets my hard fast
and fuck you very much right now for getting my pants tight you dick. Do you
know how hard that is to hide?
 
 
Nick: LOL. that’s what he said. LMFAO….so why dn’t yah come in the back room. I
can help you with that.
 
 
 Ian: FUCK YOOOOUUUU
 
 
Nick: I know you want too. LMAO
 
 
Ian: Are you really laughing your ass off or are you just texting it?
 
 
Nick: your such a dick, of course I really am. So get the fuck in here and meet
me in the back now. If you want me to be nice to Mickey’s sister I need to
unload.
 
 
Ian: LOL oh yeah that is exactly what he said.
 
 
Nick: Dick.
 
 
Nick looks at the phone and smirks at his response to Ian. Just as Nick was
about to text Ian again, he hears the door open and looks up to see Ian closing
the door behind him locking it. Ian is staring at Nick with hunger in his eyes.
Nick smiles while biting his bottom lip looking at Ian. He knew how Ian got
when he saw Nick dance on the stage. He found that out one day when Nick gave
him a private dance at home.
 
 
“Soooo you lookin’ for a good time red?” Nick asks playfully to Ian.
 
 
Ian grins at Nick and looks at him up and down “Hmmm I don’t know maybe.”
 
 
“Maybe?” Nick says and laughs at Ian has he approaches him and kisses him. Once
Nick broke the kiss, Ian went down on his knees and removes Nick black boot
shorts from him and took his length right into his mouth. Nicks head
automatically falls back, as Ian plays with his balls with one hand and then
grips his ass with the other all the while still sucking on Nicks cock.  Ian
swirled his tongue around Nick’s length and continues to suck hard. He plays
with the head sucking on it knowing that it was sensitive. Ian then takes his
hand that is gripping Nick’s ass and brought it up to Nick’s mouth. Nick
automatically sucks on Ian’s index and middle fingers eagerly. Nick starts to
pant and moan more as Ian went to deep throat him and swallow him. Ian then
takes his coated saliva fingers and enters inside Nick.
 
 
Nick grips Ian’s hair and tries hard not to fuck into his mouth, because he
knew at any minute he was about to blow. When Ian starts to finger fuck Nick
even more rougher and with ever thrust back inside of Nick, Ian’s fingers
touched Nick’s sweet spot. Nick is breathing harder and telling Ian how much he
loves him and how he was. Just then as Nick’s body backs is up against the
wall, Ian is sucking on his cock hard and pushes his fingers into Nick deeper.
Nick felt his stomach constricting at the sensation that is heating up in him
now. Nick arches his back and is cumming in Ian’s mouth. The man he loves is
moaning around his thick cock; making Nick feel the rushes of pleasurable
waves. Nick still had his hands on Ian’s hair when Ian releases Nick’s cock
from his mouth making sure nothing of Nick spilled. Ian swallowed ever bit of
him as he stood up.
 
 
Nick lunges forward at Ian and kisses him fiercely. They make out for a while
till Nick pulls back and looks at Ian in front of him, giving him a knowing
look. Then it all click in his head, Nick knew why Ian decided to please him. I
mean Ian would do it anyways to please himself which from the looks of Ian’s
pants he sure did. But he knew that this would be one way to calm him down and
not over reach that Mandy was here at the club. She wanted to spend time with
her brother, well Nick. Nick didn’t have siblings or any family just Ian and
Debbie. Fucking Ian, although Nick had to admit that; that was a cleaver move.
 
 
“You think your slick don’t you?” Nick said to Ian while raising one of his
eyes brows up at him.
 
 
“What are you talking about? I have no idea what you’re talking about?” Ian
says innocently to Nick with his big green puppy eyes staring at him.
 
 
“Fucking bad liar you know that,” Nick says with no heat behind his voice and
smiles at Ian.
 
 
“So you’re not mad at me then and don’t hate me?” Ian says with a small sad
smile at Nick.
 
 
Nick was taken back slightly at what Ian told him. He could never hate Ian or
be mad at him; upset yeah. But never those things, never hate him. No, Ian was
someone Nick loves more than himself. “Red I can never be mad at you or fuckin
hates you. Upset at you, yeah maybe depending on what you do or what you say. 
But never in a million fucking years can I ever hate you for doing whatever the
fuck you think in that weird fucking brain of yours is right….Besides…How can I
hate the love of my life huh?” Nick says fondly yet serious to Ian.
 
 
Ian laughs slightly and god did Nick love to hear him laugh. “The love of your
life huh? (Ian wiggled his eyes brows at Nick) Are you getting soft on me
Nikolai?” Ian says playfully to him in amusement.
 
 
Nick laughs at Ian as he said “Fuck you, I’m getting soft.” And Nick grabs Ian
and kisses him again more firmly. He then breaks the kiss as he looks at the
man in front of him “I love you.” He says in low whisper to Ian.
 
 
Ian smiles back “I love you too baby.”
                 ********************************************
                                        
Both men left the back room with Nick fully dressed and Ian right behind him.
Nick couldn’t help but have that after sex glow to him, even if it was just a
blow job. Ian leads Nick to the bar where he hopes that his sister and new best
friend/sister-in-law were still there drinking and talking. To his amazement of
course they were not there. Debbie and Mandy were on the damn dance floor
dancing trying to grind up on other guys. Did they forget that this was a gay
club? Ian couldn’t help but laugh at them both. Nick was ordering Ian a drink
with one already in his hand when he turned around to see why and what his Ian
is laughing at. While doing this he was taking a sip of his drink; but what
Nick saw made him spit out his drink in shock. He saw his favorite sister in
law dancing, but that’s not what shocks him. He saw Mickey’s sister Mandy get
on stage with one of the new dancers. What the fuck was she doing? She was
dancing and trying to move her hips in a seductive way at the guy.
 
 
“What the fuck?” Nick said still in shock yet found the shit funny.
 
 
Ian is still laughing when he responded to Nick. “She did say she wanted to
know how the fuck you move your hips the way you do!” Ian says and Nick just
laughs and shakes his head at the shit he was seeing.
 
 
“Well someone need to fucking tell her ass to stop. She ain’t got the skills I
got.” Nick says and finishes his drink and walks with Ian to where Debbie is at
and where Mickey sister is at.
 
 
When he gets there, Mandy is still dancing enjoying herself and Nick couldn’t
help be smile at her. She dances and moves freely like him in a way. That still
didn’t mean that he liked her; he just thought she look free being on the dance
stage dancing to the music. That’s all. Then Mandy jumps down from the stage,
but not before slipping the guy her number, which made Nick and Ian laugh even
more at her.
 
 
“What?” She says when she saw both men laughing at her
 
 
“Your dancing sucks man. Badly.” Nick says to her
 
 
“Oh yeah? SO why don’t you teach me then? I saw you on stage dancing and let me
tell you. I had not fucking idea you can move like that. You have to teach me.”
Mandy says smiling at Nick and giggling. She was feeling nice her and Debbie
already had a few drinks. Before Nick could respond with a smart ass comment
Debbie spoke.
 
 
“She right Nick, you have to show us,” Debbie says and Nick couldn’t help but
laugh even more. Maybe it was the after sex glow or the fact that he was with
two of his favorite redheads but Nick nods his head.
 
 
“Yeah okay maybe some other time, but not to night though.” Nick says and turns
to look at Ian who was beaming at him with the only smile on his face. Nick
leans into Ian and asked “What are you smiling at?”
 
 
“You. You just being you, and trying.” Ian says and grabs his husband and
starts dancing. Both men and woman were dancing having fun. The night was young
and so where they. Okay yeah so you guys have heard that, but it was. They were
all having fun and enjoying themselves. It was getting pretty late and Debbie
and Mandy still had their bet going on and both girls managed to get number
oddly. Which Nick and Ian continued to laugh at throughout the night? Of course
Mandy won the bet and was happy.  How they all managed to get back to the
Gallagher house they don’t remember. But Mandy passed out in one of the spare
rooms up stairs and everyone else where in their own rooms.
 
                               *****************
 
When Mandy comes to, she wakes up in an unfamiliar room.  She knew it wasn’t
her bedroom, but she sure as hell was comfortable. Her mouth was dry and she
felt a headache starting to come in. She got up and made her way out of the
room to the hall way. She was in the Gallagher house. She then remembers that
last night she had fun and she even managed to have her little brother around
her. He smiled so brightly at Ian and she was laughing if not a lot but all the
time around him. Even though it was Nick and Not Mickey, however Mandy couldn’t
really remember a time when Mickey smiled so much or even laugh as much as Nick
did. Ian sure did bring something out of her brother she hadn’t seen in a long
time. Now if only Mickey were well enough to know and see things differently
than he would see how happy he seems to be. She would hope that he would dumb
Colts ass or even let her kick his ass and just be with Ian. She sooooo can
make that happen. A part of her felt like she was betraying Mickey though.
Technically Nick was Mickey, he was his alter and hanging out with him and
getting to try to know her brother or apart of him better kind of made Mandy
feel bad. It wasn’t as if she was hurting anyone, but she felt bad because she
felt like she was betraying Mickey. But then again she wasn’t, wasn’t she?
 
 
She shook her head out of the thought when she heard moaning coming from one of
the rooms. She stops dead in her tracks when she saw what or rather who was
making the moaning sounds. Apparently Ian and Nick left there door cracked open
and she got a view of her brother riding Ian hard and Ian gripping Nicks hips
tightly, thrusting up into him. Both men were moving together and it was sweet
bliss. Mandy quickly covered her eyes and made her way to down the stairs. She
was in need of caffeine this fine morning.
 
 
As Mandy makes coffee and takes some aspirin for her headache that was soon to
come, she walks around in the kitchen seeing what she can make. She wants to
make the most of today; she wants to spend time with the Gallagher’s and her
brother. She just hopes that her brother would want to spend time with her. She
of course hears more loud moaning sounds and her brother saying yes, yes, yes,
over and over again. She wishes she had headphones on. She wonders how Debbie
manages to not wake up.  With that being said, Mandy decides to go out real
quick and get a few things so she can make breakfast for her and everyone in
the house. Hopefully for her Nick and Ian will be done with their morning fuck
fest at least.
 
                       *********************************
 
Nick woke Ian up from is sleep with one hell of a blow job. Nick wanted to show
Ian how much he loves him and he wants to keep the subject that they had that
night far away from his mind.  Ian wanted to know more about Nick and his past.
The past that he kept buried for a reason, the reason he’s still here in some
ways. So last night when Ian tried to talk to him about it and get some answer
from him. Nick went ahead and made sure to silence him the best way he knew how
to. But he wasn’t done there. Nick gets up and sees Ian laying down sleeping
like an angel. He wants to wake Ian up happy and dazed out in bliss. So that
led Nick to riding Ian into the mattress and making Ian come not once but
twice.
 
 
“FUCK…FUCK IAN!” Nick and Ian hit there climax together and Nick was still on
top of him. He leans down and kisses Ian lazily. When he gets off of Ian he
winced slightly and went straight into the bathroom to clean up. When he gets
out of the bathroom and goes back in their room, Nick sees that Ian had got up
from the bed and had put his sweat pants on.  Nick jumps on the bed and went
under the covers while looking at Ian. Nick was admiring the marks he made on
Ian and how Ian looks so much like a mess. Nick was laughing at how Ian had to
use the dresser to stand up. Oh yeah his work was done. There was no way that
last night subject should come up, not with Ian in bliss. Or so that’s what
Nick thought.
 
 
“Nick?” Ian simply says.
 
 
“Hmm.” Nick hums out as an answer.
 
 
“We need to talk about yesterday. And since everyone is sleeping I think it’s
okay to talk.” Ian says sitting down on the bed looking at Nick who ended up
pulling the covers over his head.
 
 
“Noooooo Iaaaan. Come to the fuck on man; why do we have to talk about
something that doesn’t need to be discussed at all or ever?” Nick says under
the covers
 
 
Ian wasn’t having any of that. Avoiding the subject he wanted to talk about
with Nick was not happening. Nick’s been dodging some of Ian’s questions and
Ian hasn’t been pushing. He thought that maybe since they were out having fun
and Nick had plenty to drink that maybe he would have loosen up. But he didn’t
and now Ian was getting annoyed. Why was Nick avoiding the subject of his past?
Ian is not only his husband, but is supposed to be his best friend as well.  
 
 
“I sometimes need help getting inside that head of yours you know. You don’t
tell me anything about your past. You got to talk to me Nick.” Ian says to Nick
who is still under the covers.
 
 
Nick then throws the cover from over his head and looks at Ian with a dull
face. “God No okay, you know enough, I’ve told you enough…Do we really have to
talk about this?” Nick says.
 
 
“You know what Nick, I love you. But there are somethings I don’t know about
you that I want to know!” Ian says seriously to Nick.
 
 
Nick rolls his eyes and sits up while pulling the blanket low and smirking at
Ian. “Okay so asked me whatever you want.” Nick says in a sexy seductive voice
to Ian.
 
 
Ian huffs out a smile and shakes his head at Nick. “No. You do that every time
I try to talk to you about something serious.” Ian says looking back at Nick
now.
 
 
“Do what?” Nick says giving Ian a surprised look on his face.
 
 
“You use sex to distract me and get what you want. You tried that the first
time we met remember? And you do it a lot, like right now.” Ian says fondly to
Nick.
 
 
However Nick didn’t see it as that and took it offensive to Ian's comment and
gets upset at Ian. “Fuck you Ian! I’m not a slut!” he says and gets up from the
bed and pulls on a pair of pants that where on the floor.
 
 
“That’s not what I said Nick!” Ian says defensively to Nick.
 
 
Nick turns around quickly looking at Ian as he speaks. “Yes you did! No matter
how nice you try to put it, you practically called me a slut” Nick says
quickly.
 
 
“No that’s not what I said, that’s what you think you heard but that’s not what
I said Nick. So calm the fuck down.” Ian says getting slightly annoyed that
Nick was making this into nothing
 
 
“I know what I heard Ian. You basically said that whenever we need to talk
about something I use sex to distract you.” Nick spat out
 
 
“No! That’s not what I said okay. I know you’re better than that okay… just
talk to me okay.” Ian says with his shoulders falling looking at Nick.
 
 
“You called me a slut Ian,” Nick says to Ian again and Ian looks more annoyed
and pissed off.
 
 
“NO I DIDN’T OKAY… FucK!” Ian says raising his voice slightly. “I told you to
stop doing what you always do. Stop using sex to solve any of your problems and
to stop using it to avoid serious talks we have to have.” Ian says to Nick.
 
 
Nick looks at Ian, tilting his head to the side and it looks like he was
thinking then says “Wow? Huh” Nick says and smiles at Ian.
 
 
“What?” Ian says and looks at Nick with a confused face.
 
 
“You know we’re actually having our first fight babe.  As like a married couple
... Aww babe our first real fight! Ain’t that some shit.” Nick says while
smiling and laughing.
 
 
Ian laughs at Nick and couldn’t believe him. Let it be Nick to find some form
of humor in this situation. “You’re unbelievable you know that?”
 
 
“Is this where we kiss and makeup and have makeup sex because I would like that
so much right now,” Nick said playfully to Ian
 
 
“Nick we're not fighting okay,” Ian said to him.
 
 
Nick gave Ian a face of ‘come on seriously’ “Oh yeah? You could have fucking
fooled me red.” Nick says in a sigh. “Look Ian; there’s just some things I
can’t go into detail with you okay. Things that I have to protect and keep,
okay-besides why are we having this conversation for? I tell you everything
anyways” Nick said firmly to Ian.
 
 
“No you don’t,” Ian said to Nick. Nick looks hurt from what Ian said to him,
but Ian continues to talk. “You don’t tell me about your past, about what
happened to you and Mickey,” Ian said with a serious tone to his voice.
 
 
“Because if you knew then Mickey's siblings might find out, and then I’ll be
gone!” Nick says almost shouting at Ian. “I won’t be here and they would fuckin
have their precious Mickey back.”
 
 
“They know a few things, what they don’t know is how it started and when. You
were four I know that, but you won’t say who, you won’t even fucking trust me
with that!? Me; your husband, you know the one you married.” When Nick didn’t
say a word to Ian; Ian continues on.  “Nick, start talking to me,” Ian said
finishing his small rant.
 
 
“Oh come the fuck on Ian. This whole guilt trip thing and your fucking puppy
eyes ain’t working on me!” Nick said to Ian.
 
But Ian wanted to push just a little more on the subject. “I know it’s hard for
you to be honest with me. Since the day I’ve met you; you’ve been like an open
yet closed book with me. So right now your walls are more up. But why with me
Nick? ….I love you, what you tell I won’t ever tell anyone. Just like with what
I tell you I know you wouldn’t tell anyone.”
 
 
Nick looks at Ian and is about to walk out the door but then he turns and looks
at him again. If he wanted Nick to open up, than okay right now he will. “I
have to be tough enough to clean up the messes that Mickey makes or puts
himself in. To make sure he’s okay and that no one. NOT even you hurt us okay.
So FUCK You Ian! You want me to open. Alight then, I’ll let your fucking ass
in on something! … When I’m with you Ian, I’m not just some fucking guy who has
to be tough for Mickey, who has to fight his battle and deal with the most fuck
up shit… I’m not just a person who is used. I’m me Ian when I’m with you, I’m
me okay.” Nick says with glassy eyes but refused to let his tears come down.
 
 
 “Look, baby, I didn’t mean to hurt you I-” Ian tries to continue to apologize
but Nick cuts him off.
 
 
“Look Ian don’t sweat it ight.” Nick says and walks out the room down stairs to
the kitchen.
 
 
When Nick gets down stairs he saw Mandy. He didn’t want to deal with no one
right now; she was cooking and turned to notice him. “Morning Nick.” Mandy
says. Nick nods his head at Mandy and keeps quiet, not saying anything. He is
pretty upset from his little argument with Ian, and he just wants to be alone.
“Not a morning huh?” Mandy says to him.
 
 
“Nah, not really….Is there any coffee?” Nick says simply to her.
 
 
“Oh yeah I ah made some earlier while you and Ian where having fun.” Mandy says
and winks at Nick while laughing. Nick blushes and just smirks at her. To Mandy
that was something rather than nothing.  “So I’m almost done with breakfast, I
made French toast, with some bacon. I woke up fucking starving.” Mandy says
casually to Nick. Regardless of anything Nick is still her brother. She gives
him a plate and he sits at the table eating and she stood up by the oven
cooking and eating. Nick is looking at her as he ate but she pays no mind to
that. “You like it?” Mandy asked Nick.
 
 
“Yeah, it’s actually good….So what you want from me?” Nick asks Mandy. He wants
to know what her game plan is, why she is here, and what for. He could feel
Mickey wanted to come out and it was annoying him. With the fight he had with
Ian and now Mickey sister here, Nick just wanted to run off and not be around
to tell you the truth.
 
 
Mandy was taken back by Nick’s question but answered truthfully. “I want to
know you! I want to; you know spend time with you and develop a relationship
with my brother.” Mandy says to Nick not looking away from him so he could see
how serious truthful she is being with him.
 
 
“But I ain’t your brother, Mickey is! For all, I know you’re just here to try
and get Mickey back. You’re all buddy, buddy with Ian and Debbie but I see
through the bullshit.” Nick spats at Mandy.
 
 
Mandy glares at Nick. She places her plate down on the counter and looks
directly at him. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but I’m not here
to try and be all buddy, buddy with anyone asshole! Debbie and me are like best
friends and so is Ian (Nick snorts at Mandy’s’ comment but she continues to
talk). There is no bullshit okay; you’re just being a little prick because you
think everyone is out to get you.” Mandy spats back at him.
 
 
“Aren’t they? You can’t fucking tell me that everyone is all happy and fucking
peachy that I’m here and that Mickey ain’t. I’m the one everyone wants gone! No
one wants me here!” Nick snaps back at Mandy.
 
 
“Fuck you Okay! You don’t know me, yet here you are judging me because of how I
am, and for what? Because I’m Mickey sister!? Asshole I’m your fucking sister
to! Whether you see it or not or feel it or not, you’re my fucking brother!”
Mandy says with tears coming out of her eyes. It was a lot to hold in, watching
your brother deal with his eternal demons. Whether it was Nick or Mickey she
just wanted to be there for them. Mandy wipes her face with her hand and turns
around not saying anything.
 
 
Nick frowns at her actions. “Why are you crying? .... Stop crying.” Nick says
lowly to Mandy and she turns around looking at him. “I hate it when people
cry.” He says looking away and playing with his food. Nick hated when anyone
cried, that was how he always found Mickey. He hated to see those tears; he
didn’t even like it when he cried. But when did he would make sure to never cry
again.
 
 
There was silence in the kitchen and Mandy had been wanting to ask Nick a few
question ever since that night at the pier. “Can I ask you a question?” Mandy
says all of a sudden. Nick nods his head in response. Mandy waits for a few
moments before she broke the silence in the room. “When you told me that you
were Mickey or whatever, when we were out at the pier since forever; you
mention running away, fighting, the drugs, drinking and other shit. And being
you since forever….I couldn’t help but think of when I was 17 teen and……. I had
asked you … (She looks up at Nick and he was looking at her with his eyes
wide.) I had told Mickey thank you. But he didn’t know what I was talking
about…..(tears went down her face, but she kept eye contact with him) It was
you wasn’t.”
 
 
Nick is silent and broke eye contact with Mandy, she continues to talk to him
still looking at him “It was you who went after those guys…..It wasn’t Mickey
was it…You found them and you beat the shit out of them for what they did to
me.” Mandy says shivering at the memory.
 
 
 The_past:
17 years old and Mandy was out with a few of her friends from school. There was
a house party that they all went to and Mandy was having fun. She was drinking
with her friends and smoking with everyone at the party. Mandy was feeling nice
and buzzed; one of the guys she recognized from school offered her a drink. She
took it willingly and guzzled it down. She was dancing and having fun, then all
of a sudden it goes black.
 
 
It was all fuzzy to her; her head hurt. She felt a sting of pain and screamed.
The guy from school who gave her the drink was on top of her. She tried to push
him off and was screaming “GET THE FUCK OFF ME! HELP! HELP! FUCK SOME ONE HELP
ME!” With the loud music no one heard her, but the boy above her slaps her in
the face and held her down. Mandy tried her hardest to punch him and push him
off again. She was weak and in pain, all she could do was cry and tell him to
stop. Another pair of hands held her down with more force. There was another
person in here with them. Mandy cried out louder hoping someone would hear her.
She was hit again and one of the boys started to chock her. She tried to
breathe, she tried to get his hands off her, yet still feeling the pain of ever
thrust the other boy was doing to her. More tears came down her face and she
prayed to god that someone would hear her or come find her. Then it went black
again.
 
 
 
When Mandy came to she was in the hospital and Collin was there on one side of
the bed sitting down on the chair while Iggy was at the opposite side. Mickey
was nowhere to be found. He had ran away a few days ago so no one saw him. When
Mandy looked at where she was at and saw her brothers she started to cry. It
woke up Collin and Iggy and when they went to go hold her she flinched away.
She knew they didn’t do anything to her, that it wasn’t them, but with
everything that happened to her. She didn’t want to be touched. After a few
hours of crying and talking to the doctors, Mandy asked how did she get here.
She told the doctors she didn’t remember much, just that when she was being
raped she tried to fight both men off, but that she was dizzy and out of it.
She was weak and it made her cry even more. The doctor said that someone from
the party found her and called 911. Both boys were arrested and eventually made
bail because their parents where well known high class assholes. That shit just
fucking sucked. Mandy said she just remembers them hitting her, raping her,
holding her down and what they were doing to her. She cried even more when she
told the doctor along with Collin in the room that she passed out and that it
went all black. She cried for days and it felt like she wanted to die, and just
be alone. How can you go back from something that was taken from you?
 
 
Mandy let Collin hold her after a few days of being in the hospital and he told
her everything will be okay. What Collin didn’t know was that it wouldn’t be
okay. That eventually Mandy would end up suffering from PTSD due to her date
rape. She would end up later on trying to take her own life that would land her
in the hospital for a while. 
 
 
When Mandy had come home from the hospital a few days later after the doctors
cleared her. Mandy found out that both boys that had raped her had been beaten
up pretty badly by someone, both the boys refused to tell the tell police who
did this to them. The Officers suspected the two older Milkovich siblings had
done it, being that everyone thought Mickey still didn’t know because he had
ran away again and was missing.  But there was no evidence that it was either
Collin or Iggy that had beaten the boys up.
 
 
Later on both boys were convicted and there was no trial. With the evidence
that was collected, and their confession that they later on confessed to both
raping Mandy; there was no need for a trial. It still didn’t help Mandy, she
didn’t feel any better. She felt dirty and used. She blamed herself for being
so stupid and taking that drink from the boy from her school. She felt worse
for even going to that party. For just wanting to have fun, this was the price
she paid. She felt like she deserved it to feel this pain.
 
 
Mickey had been found and brought back home a few days after Mandy got home.
Mandy kept to herself in her room not wanting to come out or talk to anyone.
She barely ate and refused to leave the house. There was a knock on her door
and Mickey came in, he looked at her and saw her sleeping or so she let him
think. Mickey went up to his sister and brushed her cheeks and covered her up
more. Then she heard him “It will be okay, I promise you Mendi. I made sure
they regretted touching you…..you’re safe now, you’ll always be safe.” Then he
got up and left the room. Mandy opened her eyes but said nothing and she just
laid there in her bed.  
 
 
Nick looks at Mandy again and nods his head. She breaks down and cries again,
covering her face with her hands. Nick gets from his seat and went to Mandy. He
hesitates at first but then says fuck it to himself and hugs her tight. He
takes her hands away from her face and wipes the tears from her eyes. His
facial expression was hard to read, but his eyes told it all. “We never told
Mickey what happened to me….How did you know? Collin and Iggy didn’t want him
to know… shit I didn’t want him to know.” Mandy says with tears coming down
from her eyes.
 
 
“When they found me and brought back to fucking Collin’s, I notice that every
time someone got near you, you jumped. I notice you barely ate, barely talked,
and the bruises you had. Plus I overheard Collin talking to the hospital and
saw the paper work in his room. I overheard him speaking to the police and what
not.  So I found the guys since they were out on bail. I beat the shit out of
them. They didn’t know it was me….plus no one should go through what you did.”
Nick says silently to her. For a few moments the kitchen was silent and Nick
was just holding Mandy. Then he breaks the silence.  “So you knew it was me?
How?”
 
 
“That day you came in my, in my room and thought I was sleeping…but I wasn’t… I
overheard what you said to me and I put it together. I figured that you found
out and I knew it was you, so when I thanked Mickey, he asked what the fuck
for. He was completely clueless. I just thought he was being an asshole.” Mandy
says chuckling at the end as she spoke.
 
 
Nick pulled away and looked at Mandy and gave her a small smile. “You gonna
finish making breakfast or what? Because I can’t cook for shit. I usually burn
everything so.” Nick says and walks away to finish eating his food. Mandy
laughs and calls him an asshole and he smiles at that. Maybe Mandy is a cool
person Nick thought to himself, but he still didn’t trust the Milkovich
siblings. But maybe Mandy could be his exception… Maybe? She did know what it
was like to having something taken away from you. To have the one thing that is
yours that you can give to anyone, to have it taken away from you in a
heartbeat. But for now he rather keep his distance the way it is.
 
 
Ian walks down the stair case in the kitchen; he just came from behind Nick and
hugs him. Nick smiles and looks at Ian and kisses him. Ian smiles at him and
then looks up at Mandy and winks at her making her laugh. After eating, each of
them all stood in watching movies and spending time with one another. Nick
barely spoke and was to himself. Mandy tries to get him to talk but he didn’t
really say much. She would take the win of him being there still with her and
not leaving or kicking her out.
 
                         ****************************
                                        
Soon enough weeks go by and Nick was warming up to Mandy, slowly but surely.
She came over more and they would eat together if not joke around.  Nick would
and tried to talk to her and he even showed her how to do his dance moves that
he does at the club. Of course he didn’t want to at first, but Ian begged him
to try with Mandy. Nick couldn’t say no to Ian so he did. That lead Mandy and
Nick to talking about music and he would show her things he did and when he
would DJ at the clubs. She was excited to learn and know all this about her
brother. The other part of him that existed; Mandy talked about Iggy and Collin
sometimes and Nick would not pay so much attention when she did. Mandy asked
Nick one day why didn’t he care for Collin and Nick responded with “because
he’s dick and thinks he can control ever fucking thing.” After that she never
asked again.
 
 
It had been a couple of weeks now since Nick had been back, and Ian continues
to see how Nick would be with his mood swings. Often he knew Nick would have a
good day if he woke up okay with no bad dreams. However more and more times
again and again Nick would wake up in a sweat. Sometimes he even would yell in
his sleep and he started to sleep walk. One time Ian found Nick under the bed
curled up with a blanket over him. He looked so innocent, but when he got up
from sleeping he was in a piss shitty mood.
 
 
Ian thought it would be best to make an appointment with a doctor. He thought
it would be best to contact Charlene behind Nicks back and see her input. She
suggested that they both come in as a couple and sit and talk to her and see if
she can help. He was cautious about that, but she informed him that she wasn’t
going to do anything that Nick or him didn’t want her to do. He thought it best
to tell Mandy and let her know about some of the things that were happening. He
wanted to know if this had happened before in the past. Mandy said she could
recall a few times that Mickey would be sleep walking, but the best person to
remember would be Iggy or Collin. Ian immediately told her not to tell Collin
or Iggy, but Mandy insisted she at least ask Iggy. When Ian agreed trusting
Mandy would not tell Collin; Mandy came to Ian with Iggy.
 
 
Iggy told Ian and reminded Mandy, of the few times Mickey would sleep walk.
Iggy told them both that sometimes Mickey would yell in his sleep, when they
were still living with their father. He told Ian of the times Mickey would be
hiding in the closet or under the bed curled up and it would be hours that no
one could find him. How even when they moved away from the house and lived with
Collin in the small apartment that Mickey would be aggressive and upset.
Sometimes silent for days and would ignore everyone. Ian took in the
information that Iggy told him and thought it was best to make the appointment
with Dr. Jimenez.
 
 
So that brought us to why now Ian thought it was best to call Dr. Jimenez and
make an appointment just so Nick and him can go see her if not her, then maybe
another doctor. The dreams, the yelling, the isolation were getting not worse
as Ian would put it; it was just that it wasn’t healthy for Nick at all. So Ian
needed the perfect timing to tell Nick that he set up the appointment. What
better way than after morning sex glow right?......Right? I hope so.
 
 
“FUCK FUCK FUCK!....mmmhm….shit Ian” Nick says breathless as he and Ian were
climaxing together. Ian is biting down on Nicks shoulder as they were riding
out their organism. Both men were coming down from their morning exercise as I
would say it, and Ian thought it would be a perfect time to talk to Nick. More
now than ever.
 
 
Ian is laughing and sitting up to get a pair of sweat pants on. He figured
since Debbie had an early shift at the diner and no one is home, that it was
best to tell Nick now and talk about what had been on his mind for a while
(hence going to talk to a therapist or someone about his late night problems).
“Hey, so I was wondering if we can talk about something.” Ian says to Nick.
 
 
Nick turns look at Ian from where he was at on the bed. “Sure whatever you
want. With the way you woke me up this morning (Nick breathe in deep and
exhaled out) we can talk about anything and everything. I say we should talk
about using and investing in that toy I showed you.” Nick says and winks at Ian
as he cleans himself up and is putting on some shorts.
 
 
Ian waits for a second and he hesitates to tell Nick what he wanted to tell
him. Nick looks at Ian and saw that he is nervous. He sat up on the bed after
putting on his shorts and motions for Ian to say something to him. “Come on
spit it out red, what’s up?”  Nick says looking at Ian suspiciously.
 
 
Ian sighs heavily then spoke. “Promise you won’t get mad at me and will at
least hear me out.”
 
 
Nick raises his eye brows at Ian and sits up a little more. “Depends on what
the fuck you did?” Nick says looking at Ian who now crossed his arms looking at
Nick and Nick did the same motion looking back at Ian “Ian what the fuck is
up?”
 
 
Ian takes another deep breath in and “The thing is I made an appointment with
you to see the therapist, and before you get mad at me. The only reason why I
went ahead and made an appointment to see her was because every time I try to
talk to you; you push me away or ignore me or isolate yourself, which by the
way is not healthy at all. Plus you’re not talking to me! And when I bring
anything up about your past or Mickey’s you push me away even more Nick. And I
know it has something to do with the nightmares you wake up to, which you think
I don’t notice but I do.  So that’s why I made the appointment, hoping that it
can help you at least open up to me if no one else.” Ian says quickly taking in
breath looking at Nick.  
 
 
Nick turns his head to look at Ian and squints his eyes. He gets up from the
bed and tries to process what Ian just told him. Nick starts talking slowly
looking at Ian hoping that he didn’t hear what he thought he just heard. “You
made an appointment… for me (Nick points at himself) to see a therapist….” Ian
nods yes at Nick in answering him, and Nick raises his eye brows up and tilts
his head and gave Ian an evil smirk with a you have got to be fucking kidding
look. “You seriously have got to be fucking kidding me! Ian what the FUCK!”
Nick yells out and continues yelling at Ian “There’s no fucking way I’m going
to see a fucking doctor! So what, so they can lock me the fuck up!”
 
 
“That’s not what she said she would do! She told me she would just help you to
open up!” Ian yells back at Nick.
 
 
“She…SHE! SHE WHO IAN!” Nick shouts at Ian. When Ian didn’t answer him, Nick
put two and two together “You have got to be fucking out of your red-headed
fucking mind! There’s no way-No Fuckin Way I’m gonna see her! AND FUCK YOU!”
Nick says walking out or the room. Just as he got out the door Ian grabs him by
his arm and Nick shoves him away.  Ian sees the look hurt on Nicks face. “Who
else did you tell Ian!? Because I sure as hell know you didn’t come up with
this fucking idea on your own.”
 
 
“It was my idea okay, I talk to Mandy and she talks to Iggy and they both told
me you’ve done this in the past, well not you Mickey or maybe it was you and
not Mickey. But that’s beside the point, I was the one who thought it was best
to call Dr. Jimenez and ask her if we both can go in and sit down and see if
you can open up to me more. I didn’t mention about me asking about your past or
nothing much more okay!?” Ian says to Nick, and Nick pushes Ian again up
against the wall walking down in the room packing a bag full of clothes.
 
 
Nick is beyond pissed off, and yeah okay maybe he did ignore Ian when he asked
about his past. Maybe he did push him away. But he had to; he had to protect
Mickey and himself. That’s how it’s always been. No one can know about the
past, at least not about the stuff they don’t know. Mickey can never learn
about it, if he does then Nick is gone, more importantly Mickey would be gone…
and Nick wouldn’t let that happen. No one hurts Mickey, Ever, not even him. Why
the fuck can’t Ian see that? Of all people, Nick thought Ian knew this. Nick
doesn’t say anything to Ian as he was talking to him. Nick shoves past Ian and
ran down the stairs not wanting to look at Ian, or be near him at this point.
 
 
 “Nick, don’t push me away.” Ian pleads with him.
 
 
“Oh yeah why not asshole huh!? You think it’s just okay for you to go and talk
to Mickey’s therapist and shit...shit Ian I know I fucked up I know I’m not the
best, but FUCK! I know I push you away sometimes! But at least I always stood
by your side and I didn’t fucking try and break you. For fuck sack Ian you talk
to the doctor and not ME! Then you tell Iggy and fucking Mandy!? Are you
fucking kidding me! SHIT!” Nick was furious, of all the people in the world how
could Ian do this. Nick was getting some more of his things from the sala as
they talked.
 
 
“Look I-“ Ian starts to explain, but then is cut off by Nick because he was
beyond pissed off.
 
 
“No, explain why I shouldn’t knock your sorry fuckin ass out right now!” Nick
yells at Ian.
 
 
“Now’s not the time Nick!” Ian spat back out at Nick
 
 
“Oh yeah so when is the time huh. Should I make a fuckin appointment with you!
Or better yet! What fuckin time should I text you! You know so we can schedule
it or so we can coordinate a fucking date IAN!  OH NO YOU ALREADY DID THAT
DIDN’T YOU!” Nick shouts sarcastically at the end towards Ian.
 
 
“I’m sorry okay,” Ian says and looks so guilty and tired out. Nick saw in his
eyes he was sorry, but that didn’t matter right now. What he felt was betrayal
and he didn’t like this feeling. He couldn’t control this feeling, didn’t know
how to control it.
 
 
“That all you got right now; Fuckin stall strategies Ian. Really?” Nick says
and begins to take his bag and leave the house when Ian spoke out
 
 
“Nick, please! If you leave you know I gonna find your ass again, and I will
drag you the fuck back here.” Ian says now in a more firm dominating tone of
voice. He wasn’t about to let Nick go.
 
 
Nick turns around and looks at Ian. God, he is lucky he loves him. Ian was the
only person for some reason that Nick gave into so easily, and he hated that
shit “Fine…so start fucking talking and it better be good or I’m fuckin walking
and don’t think for a fuckin’ second Ian that I won’t leave!”
 
 
“I don’t want to lose you, Nick, I….Nick am I going to lose you either way
here?” Ian says looking at Nick scared, worried and almost defeated.
 
 
Nick wanted to tell Ian, no that he won’t lose him, but even a part of him
didn’t know that. Even so Ian had no right to try and go behind his back and
think it was okay to talk to Mickey therapist. No that shit hurt, if Nick
needed help then he would find it, but Nick didn’t need help. He was the one
who provided the help; he was the one who handled it all. Not Mickey, Not his
doctors, not his siblings, and not even Ian. Nick was responsible for him and
Mickey and all the other alters. “Well you know what Ian….. that’s just a
fucking risk you’re gonna have to take.” Ian looks down in guilt but didn’t say
anything. So Nick kept talking “What was the first thing that you remember
about me when you first met me?”
 
 
Ian chuckled now “You huh, you wanted me to take you out…Then ah me and you, we
fought and then you stole my wallet.” Ian says smiling at the memory of Nick
that night and how he stole Ian’s wallet and car keys, of course, Nick didn’t
get that far.
 
 
“Yeah, I like to take risk Ian and I don’t take shit from no one, especially
not you! So if I have a problem then I’ll figure the shit out!” Nick says as
he's looking Ian dead in the eyes.
 
 
“That’s what first got me attracted to you,” Ian says back looking at Nick now
with more intensely.
 
 
“Then why the fuck would yah think that I didn’t want to get help huh? What the
fuck can be so bad Ian that would make me say ‘hey I should call Mickeys
therapist tell his brother and sister about Nick, and not tell Nick anything
and see if he needed help IAN’!” Nick yells out.
 
 
That was when Ian snapped back at Nick because as many times as he tried to get
him to open up and have Nick talk to him; knowing that full well he can trust
him. Nick didn’t do that “Oooh okay, so you wanna play that game with me huh.”
Nick looks and squints his eyes at Ian, he knew this was going to be one hell
of a fight. “So why don’t you tell me what turned you into Nick? Why don’t you
tell me!?  You know I’m your husband! That’s me Nick, the one person you’re
supposed fucking trust and you can’t fucking tell me anything? … So what the
happened!?”
 
 
“I didn’t turn in to Nick okay….I’ve fuckin never been anyone else but me
Ian!…You; You of all people should know that. You of all people should
understand that, but noooo apparently you fuckin don’t!” Nick says in a small
voice that sounded hurt, because in a way he was hurt but he wasn’t going to
show that to Ian or anybody else.
 
 
“Okay fine… you know I have a tendency for pushing. I get that…so whenever
you’re ready Nick I know you’ll tell me. But would you at least try with me.”
Nick is glaring at Ian, but Ian saw past that. “You can glare at me all you
want Nick. I know you love me and I know you know I love you no matter what you
tell me about your past. You’re real to me, to Debbie, shit even to Mandy Nick
and that’s saying a lot and you know that. You see how she treats you like you
and not like someone else…So it’s time for you to tell your story babe. I know
you don’t want to tell anyone, but what about me….. Why won’t you tell me what
you went through? You helped Mickey now let me help you. If you won’t tell no-
one at least tell me!” Ian says pleading with Nick.
 
 
Nick was still glaring at Ian and refused to answer him. He looks away from Ian
and said nothing. But Ian continues talking to him “Tell me why sometimes when
you sleep at night you cry… or why when I bring up the subject of anything from
your childhood you get all defensive and push me away. How I notice when we go
to bed at night or when you come to bed you make sure all the doors are locked,
more Important Debbie’s and our bedroom. You get up and you triple check it,
making sure its lock. Or when you do cry in your sleep you curl up in a ball
and hide under the bed sometimes. Or how –“ Ian was cut off
 
 
“SHUT UP!” Nick screams out with tears coming down his face and Ian felt like
an ass now. He caused those tears to come out. “You don’t know shit,” Nick said
weakly to Ian not meaning to.
 
 
“Then tell me! Please! I can see how it’s eating you up Nick why-“ Ian says
then.
 
 
“Tell you what? Huh! Tell you how many times Mickey called for me and I came to
him! ...Or How many times it felt like to be used like a fucking rag over and
over again! Or How fuckin Mickey just bailed and left me to do everything and
pick up all the pieces. Every single fucking piece I picked up IAN! I dealt
with it Ian! ME! No one else did but ME! (Nick voice began to crack as he went
on talking) Or how those men took my body and used it? Recorded it on video
because they can, laughing at me, burning me, hitting me over and over again
when I refused to do something. Or how that woman would dig her nails in me
when she told me to do something and when I did she still fucking hit me and
they all laughed Ian… All of them…..Or how I just took it because Mickey
couldn’t take it. Because he wasn’t able to take it! How I’m fucking scared
that once he’s strong enough that he will-” Nick says with tears in his eyes
sobbing. He put his palms in his eyes to wipe away the tears.
 
 
Nick looks up at Ian as he now talks to him and says. “Or how like Mickey would
leave you and get rid of you?” Ian asked softly to Nick. “Nick…no one is going
to leave you or anything.” Ian says while walking up to Nick.
 
 
“……..You know when I wake up every day or go to bed with you….(Nick puts his
head down and continues to talk) I just keep on hitting myself to make sure I’m
still Nick… a-and that I’m still here with you, (he looks up at Ian) and that
your still apart of my life. This life that we have; me and you; together.”
Nick says and tilts his head to the side and looks down again. He felt
worthless if he didn’t fight hard enough to stay here, and he somehow would end
up being just another memory. A person who doesn’t deserve anything good in
this life because he was created to protect, and that’s all he was. That’s all
he thought until Ian step into his life and changed all that.
 
 
“You still don’t think that your worth something more don’t you? (Ian steps
forward again and lifts Nicks head by his chin so he could look at him as he
talked) You still think that you don’t deserve me, deserve us…. This and all
that we have... After everything we’ve been through Nick really?” Ian goes and
cup Nicks face and speaks to him softly. “I care about you so fucking much, and
if I have to, I will show you every day how much I care about you okay.” When
Nick didn’t say anything Ian continues to talk. “Whatever happened to opening
up to me? To wanting me to know more about you or for wanting to open up to me?
I know you feel that you have to protect yourself Nick….But who’s there to
protect you if not me.” Ian says softly to him.
 
 
“Ian…. Sometimes I feel like I can’t beat him. I feel like I can’t beat
Mickey….Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna lose and not see you ever again. That’s
how I feel, that’s what I think about okay? What more do you want?!” Nick says
to Ian, and Ian could tell he was exhausted and tired and just full of
everything. Ian nods his head and held Nick close to him. They held each other
for a while and decided to not go anywhere. Ian cancelled the appointment, and
him and Nick laid in bed, in silence not talking, just in silence for the whole
day.
 
 
You know sometimes they say that the ones we love are the ones who hide the
most from everyone. Who hides the most from the ones they love. It not only
protects the ones they love, but also protect themselves from the pain. You
ever heard that saying that being deeply loved by someone give you strength,
while loving someone deeply give you the courage. Well protecting the one you
love and yourself is one sacrifice of a courage you must be willing to make.
 
                **********************************************
 
The next morning Nick woke up a bit early. He wanted to surprise Ian with
breakfast. Now we all know Nick can cook for shit, but then again it’s the
thought that counts. Yeah let’s just say it’s the thought that counts.  Nick
makes eggs and Bacon and toast, to at least the best of his abilities. He goes
upstairs with the tray of food and places it on the dresser. He jumps up on Ian
and is straddling him and kissing him as he Ian pretends to be asleep now. Ian
opens his eyes and Nick just knew that he would spend the rest of his life
looking at those eyes. “I made breakfast! And yes I did it all by myself so get
up asshole and eat.” Nick says to Ian excitedly.
 
 
“Oh really okay; Okay I’m up. I’m up” Ian says placing his hands on Nicks' hips
as Nick continues to straddle him and smile down at Ian like he is the fucking
moon and sun.
 
 
“You gonna let me go or what, so we can eat?” Nick says playfully to Ian.
 
 
Ian smiles up at Nick and grabs him again and kisses him hard holding on tight
to him. “I’ll never let you go.” Ian whispers into Nick's mouth and Nick just
smiles at him. “I’m sorry,” Ian said looking at Nick.
 
 
Nick places his forehead on Ian's and shook his head no and kisses Ian gently
this time. That is Nicks way of saying it was okay. He gets up off of Ian and
goes and brings their food to bed and both men start eating and then a few
moments later Nick spoke. “You know what would make this taste better huh?”
Nick says with his mouth full of eggs and bacon.
 
 
“What?” Ian chuckles looking at Nick.
 
 
“It tasting better! ….Omg look at it!” Nick says laughing as he tried to chew
on the burned bacon he cooked for him and Ian.
 
 
Ian is laughing at him. “Baby your cooking skills are awesome,” Ian says
sarcastically and laughs even harder as Nick slaps his arm.
 
 
“I tried okay!” Nick whined out. “I failed and I suck at cooking,” Nick said
and looks guilty. He wanted to make something nice for Ian, but he really
couldn’t cook for shit.
 
 
“No you didn’t fail come here.” Ian says and kisses Nick. Ian looks at Nick
with sad eyes. “I’m sorry about yesterday okay. I didn’t mean to make you feel
hurt or anything, or push you. I didn’t mean to…I just want to protect you and
I feel like I’m fucking that up and that I’m failing.” Ian says looking away
 
 
Nick grab Ian’s chin and makes him look at him. “Hey! Baby…you have done
everything perfect. You’ve done what no one else could or ever do… You make me
feel safe, and you make me strong and I love you. You make me feel alive and
that me and you are gonna be together forever and ever and ever. And that not
one fuckin person in this world or universe or galaxies far fucking away is
ever gonna get in our way okay.” Nick says to Ian and Ian could see just how
much Nick loves him to just even give him a second chance. Ian knew and had a
feeling that as long as he didn’t push Nick so far, they will be okay. Just as
long as Nick would be able to try or at least open up to Ian, but for some
reason there is this nagging feeling that shit was about to real and fast.
Chapter End Notes
     So be prepared for some sadness... sorry
***** The Video that reveals it all *****
Chapter Notes
     Okay so this chapter is a bit more graphic as far as details. There
     are major triggers of sexual abuse. Not only that but I just want to
     say that if anyone gets up set or sad. I'm sorry. What I write is
     from real life events,whether its me or a friend of mines. Some of it
     I create, but life experience I'm sure you guys know what parts they
     are. Any way let me know what you think. Comment and express your
     thoughts. Also again I love your kudos and comment and it always
     helps me. So let me know what you think.
      
     Thanks for still reading you guys. School has started but Im still
     going to update this and finish it. Just bare with me a little
     longer. xoxoxox
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Chapter 25 The Video that reveals it all
 
It had been about a couple of months and there was no sign of Mickey at; none
what so ever.  Colt was annoyed and was trying his hardest to find a way to
reach Mickey. Whether it was going to Nick’s job, showing up at the Gallagher
house, which he only did once because Ian had him arrested him and pressed
charges of harassment against him. Ian would have done it himself but the whole
personal interest thing was the reason why he couldn’t simply slam Colt to the
floor and read him his rights.  Colt went as far as even trying to talk to
Mandy, Iggy, and Collin, and Mickey’s doctor. Yeah, there were attempts to try
and get Nick into a therapy session with Dr. Jimenez, but it never happened.
 
 
“I don’t believe this shit!  Your brother, my boyfriend is sick and you’re not
worried about him being with a complete stranger?” Colt says to Mandy as she
was in her office at work.
 
 
Mandy looks up from her computer and looks at Colt with a face. “He’s not with
a stranger Colt, he’s with Ian and he’s fine. We know where he’s at; at least
he hasn’t run away to a point where we don’t know where he’s at. We’ve tried to
get Nick to go to therapy, and Collin as even tried to threaten him, but he’s
married to Ian. Legally whether you like or not. So no-one can force that man
to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Nick won’t budge, so we decided that when
Mickey is ready he will come back, and Ian is not the kind of guy to keep him
prisoner okay. So chill the fuck out! My brother’s okay, I know he is. I see
him sometimes.” Mandy says and goes back to looking at the numbers she was
crunching in.
 
 
Colt makes a face at Mandy. He had no idea that out of Collin and Iggy that was
spending time with Nick and Ian.
 
 
Nick was trying to be nice as you would say to her and not completely write her
off. Mandy knew it was because of Debbie and Ian that Nick wouldn’t say
anything when she went over and hanged out with them. Or when Nick would go to
work, she would be at the club listening to his music or getting drinks from
him. At one point Nick told Mandy “bitch you know you have to pay for your
drink right?” that made her laugh and from there they bickered at each other.
There were a few times he would get smart with her and Ian had to calm them
both down before they got into a fight. However, things were okay, to say the
least. Some things Nick did, if not many things reminded her of Mickey. Like
how she and Mickey would sometimes get into fights and bicker. It gave her some
hope that maybe Nick would trust her enough one day. Or that maybe he would let
Mickey come out, or that Mickey would come out and Mandy would be there.  It
was a lot to try and hope for, to say the least. I mean Nick was here and
Mickey wasn’t at the moment, plus just being around him made Mandy feel better.
 
 
“Don’t fucking give me that face. Nick’s my brother whether he is Mickey or
Mickey is him or any other alter for that matter.” Mandy snaps at Colt before
he could say anything to her.
 
 
“So if you’re hanging out with him, why don’t you trick him or some shit. We
have to get Mickey back Mandy!” Colt says to her.
 
 
“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know that this is unhealthy for
them. I know okay, but right now Nick is in control, and if spending time with
him and getting to know him is as close as I can get to Mickey then so be it!
He’s a person who has opinions, feelings, and I see that with Ian when he’s
with him.” Mandy says to Colt
 
 
“Yeah but they are living a fantasy life, Mandy, ones that not even real or
will be when Mickey is back,” Colt says back to Mandy.
 
 
“No Colt. What those two have, what they feel for each other. What they have
has all to do with passion and pure love. It doesn’t get any more real than
that. And the shitty thing about this is that it’s gonna fucking suck and break
my heart to know that it won’t last for them.” Mandy says looking at Colt.
 
 
Colt looks at Mandy with a surprised expression on his face. “You prefer him
with Mickey, don’t you? If Mickey comes back and gets well, you prefer Mickey
with Ian verse me? ... Really Mandy! I’ve been with your brother longer, known
him longer and I love him!” Colt says with his voice becomes slightly higher.
 
 
Mandy looks at Colt, and stand up from her desk and rose one eyebrow at him.
“You know what! Yeah! I fucking prefer my brother with Ian, and do you wanna
know why Colt?” Colt is glaring at Mandy, but he knew better than to piss her
off by saying something stupid. Especially after the last time he did that, she
knocked his ass out. “Because for the first time in a long time since forever,
I see my brother smile like Ian’s fucking god! I hear him laugh like it’s real
and not fake. And dare I say it, but I see him love him. It might not be Mickey
and it might be Nick. But once Mickey’s integrated a part of him will love Ian
or at least care for him more than anything. Unlike you; you stupid fuck! You
refused to except Mickey’s illness and just fucking leave him when he needed
you! Plus, not only causes him to split again because of your stupid bullshit!
But if you honestly loved my brother as you so call say you do. You would love
him no matter what and be patient with him. Which is clearly something you
fucking lack!... (Mandy’s voice changes from evil to downright deadly) So what
you’re gonna do right now before I lose more of my temper. So, GET THE FUCK OUT
OF MY OFFICE!” Mandy shouts at Colt and sits right back down in her chair not
paying any mind to him.
 
 
Colt storms out of her office and left the building; he was beyond pissed. He
hated Mandy; they never got along for shit. It was complete bullshit in his
eyes and he hated Mandy even more now especially for not forcing Nick into a
psychiatric ward. None of the Milkovich siblings tried, just because Nick was
married to Ian. To Colt it didn’t make it legal, Nick was the one who married
Ian, not Mickey. This was utter bullshit and it had to be wrong or something.
What about him and how this was making him feel, and how it affects his
relationship with Mickey. Those were the only things that were on Colts mind,
and somehow he had to figure this out and get Mickey back one way or another.
Colt felt like he knew Mickey, and he knew he would want to come back out and
get better because he had to.  And when Mickey did come back out, Colt would be
waiting to give him something that he knows will seal the deal with him and
Mickey. Kicking Ian out of their lives for good! This was just fucked up to
him.
 
                           *************************
 
“This is bullshit man! Why did I agree to this shit again.” Nick said slightly
upset looking at Ian now.
 
 
“Because you and Mandy were playing cards; and as usually you decided to gamble
and think you were the shit and lost. So her winning prize was for us to have
dinner with her, Iggy and Collin.” Ian says to Nick. Nick and Ian had a little
argument of how Mandy wasn’t so bad, which ended with Nick telling Ian to kiss
his ass and Ian actually trying to do it, making a joke out of the whole
thing.  But besides that family was important to Ian, even though his had
drifted apart, he still had Debbie; Ian wanted Nick to care about Mandy as well
as much as she cared about him.
 
 
“That bitch cheated I know she did! The only reason she won was because she had
to be fucking stashing cards somewhere on her! Or she fucking counting them I
bet.” Nick argues back as he makes his way to their bedroom exhausted from
playing music at the club tonight. When Ian got off his shift, he came home to
Nick laid out on the sofa half naked. What a sight that was.
 
 
“Nick that’s you who counts cards! It’s also the fucking reason why I don’t
play blackjack with your ass.” Ian says shaking his head as he made his way to
their bedroom and was now laying down next to Nick.
 
 
Nick turns his head to look at Ian with smiles and then gives him a serious
face. “Yeah but we were playing fucking poker and I bet you, (Nick pokes Ian as
he says) you fucking helped her cheat you trader!” Nick says shoving Ian almost
making him fall off the bed.
 
 
Ian tackles Nick on the bed and both men begin to tumble around trying to pin
each other down. It was Ian who won, but only because Nick let him win. At
least that’s what Nick would tell anyone if they ever asked. “You know damn
well that I didn’t help her out. You’re just mad that she beat your ass.
Plus…she really wants to have like, a family dinner thing okay.” Ian simply
says to Nick.
 
 
“Yeah, but I can’t stand Collin Ian. I just… I don’t want to see him.” Nick
says looking away from Ian not wanting to talk about the subject.
 
 
Ian looks down at Nick biting his lips then says “Can I ask you something?”
 
 
Nick looks at Ian. “Depends. Is it a stupid fuckin question?” Nick says
humorously at Ian.
 
 
“No, you jackass! I wanted to know why you hate Collin so much.” Ian asked
 
 
Nick sits up on his elbow and looks at Ian who was straddling him. “Because
Collin’s a dick. He thinks he knows it all. Like he can fuckin run me or Mickey
or some shit. He so calls claims to love Mickey and me but that’s all full of
bullshit, because if he really cared and loved Mickey then he would have never-
“  that was when Nick cut himself off and sat up more moving Ian off of him.
 
 
The tension in the room was there and there was no going back. Ian took a
chance. “He would have never what Nick?” Ian asked and Nick was just sitting up
looking down at his hands.
 
 
“Never mind alright, forget I said anything,” Nick said and attempted to move
and leave the room but Ian grabs him and turns him around making the younger
man look at him.
 
 
“No!” Ian said firmly. “Tell me… he never what Nick.” Ian says to him softly
wrapping his arms around Nick and leaning their foreheads against each other.
 
 
Nick shook his head not looking at Ian and closed his eyes. “I don’t want to
Ian…I can’t please don’t.” Nick says in a whisper. Nick remembers that day; the
time Mickey went into Collins room and Collin kicked him out because he was
mad. The time when he even tried to go to Collin’s room and Collin kicked him
out.  Collin always told Mickey he would protect him, but he didn’t. Nick hated
Collin for letting what happen to them, happen.
 
 
Ian didn’t push, not since there last fight. He knew when it was time Nick
would open up and would tell him. He didn’t care how long it took; he just
grabs Nick and hugs him close. Nick held on to him tightly not wanting to let
go. They stood there for a while until Nick pulls away from Ian and kisses him
instantly. The kiss is roughly, and Ian opens his mouth to let Nick slip his
tongue into his mouth. Ian moans into Nick’s mouth and he was gone from there.
Nick walks Ian back to the bed and when the back of Ian’s legs hit the bed Nick
broke the kiss and pushes Ian on the bed gently.
 
 
Nick lowers himself down onto Ian, removing his boxers quickly and took Ian’s
half hard cock into his mouth and starts to suck on it. Ian stirs under Nick
and moans. Nick releases Ian from his mouth and starts to kiss Ian’s body as he
went up from his thighs to his abs slowly, and up to his chest.  Then he plants
a firm kiss on Ian’s lips that had Ian smiling as Nick pulls away. Nick held
Ian’s hands above his head as he continues to kiss Ian again. Then he sits up
and positions himself above Ian's hard on, and slowly lowers himself on to Ian.
He didn’t need any prepping since he had taken a shower and prep himself ready
for Ian tonight before Ian got home. He places his hands on Ian’s chest and
started to ride him slowly, and Ian automatically brought his hands to Nick’s
hips. Nick is at a nice slow pace moving his hips and looking down at Ian with
hooded eyes. He starts to pick up the pace a little bit more, and he is moaning
more loudly than Ian is now.
 
 
Nick is riding Ian hard and harder. Ian is moaning louder and praising Nick for
how good he is to him. Nick slams down on to Ian cock and begins to grind down
on to him. He rotates his hips over and over again and then he hit his sweet
spot. Nick gasps out and starts mutter words to Ian that he couldn’t make out,
the only words Ian heard were “yes” over and over again coming from Nick. Ian
starts to thrust up into Nick. The sensation was too good that Nicks grinding
down more as Ian thrust up on to him, to a point where Nick stops moving and
Ian took over and kept thrusting up into him. Nick kept one hand on Ian’s chest
as he grabs himself and starts to jerk himself off. In a matter of seconds,
Nick is cumming all over Ian’s chest and his hand. Ian still hadn’t come yet,
so he flips Nick over on to his side and brought his right leg up over his
shoulder and is thrusting into him deep and deeper at this new angle.
 
 
Nick starts to become more vocal as Ian kept on thrusting into him. He’s now
more sensitive, and Ian kept hitting that same spot over and over again “IAN
FUCK! F-FUCK!” Nick whines out in pleasure with a high pitch voice that he
would never admit to doing. Ian loves it when Nick is vocal in bed, so he keeps
on moving his hips ramming into Nick more deeper and harder. Nicks body is over
stimulated and he becomes hard again of course. He felt like he was about to
pass out and he was talking incoherently as Ian keeps on fucking him. After 3
more thrust into Nick, Ian was cumming inside of Nick so hard and deep that he
didn’t even notice that Nick came again untouched at the same time as he arched
his back up.
 
 
Once they were able to catch their breath, both men went into the bathroom and
took a shower. It was in there that Nick broke the silence. “Collin always told
Mickey he would protect him.” Nick says lowly, but enough for Ian to hear him.
 
 
Ian turns around in the shower and looks at Nick. “What?” he simply says to
him. He wanted to make sure he heard him correctly.
 
 
Nick looks up at Ian then looks away and got under the water in the shower.
“Collin. You asked me earlier why I can’t fucking stand him and that’s why.  He
lied to Mickey and told him he would always protect him… That was a fucking
lie.” Nick says while looking down at the floor and letting the water hit his
back. He honestly didn’t want to go further into the conversation and had a
feeling Ian would ask. So instead he went ahead and continue on talking, so Ian
didn’t ask anything. “Collin was upset that his father hit him. He beat the
shit out of him actually from what I remember and saw. Mickey went into the
room because he was scared, and he kicked him out yelling at him…..When I got
to Mickey he was so scared, so fucking frighten and hurt. A few times I tried
to go to Collin, but he would kick me out as well. If he was not mad or if he
was, he still kicked us out.” Nick says.
 
 
After a few seconds, Nick continues to talk “I had to be the one to protect
Mickey because no one else would….He’s always had me and no-one else.” Nick
says and turns off the water while stepping out of the shower and grabbing the
towel to dry himself off. He tosses another towel to Ian so he can get out, but
doesn’t look at him.
 
 
Ian is quiet, he didn’t want to say anything that may be wrong. It looked like
Nick was already upset from telling Ian the little bit of information he did.
Both men went into their bedroom and Nick locks the door. They got dressed and
laid in bed not saying a word. Nick was actually thankful that Ian didn’t say a
word, and Ian felt like that there were no words to be said really. While in
bed Ian just brought Nick closer to him and held him tight. Not saying a word
still, and just holding him, but before Nick could fall asleep he hears Ian
whisper to him. “I love you.”
 
                     ************************************
 
During the past couple of months, even though Collin knew where Mickey was at.
He, Leah, and Iggy had been talking to Dr. Charlene Jimenez about a different
method to approach Nick in regards to integration. Charlene wanted Mickey and
his alters to integrate in a healthy manner, but it was becoming difficult
without Nick’s corporation. Nick resisting meant that Mickey himself was not
ready to face his past and deal with anything and that was making things
harder.  However, Charlene had access to Mickey/Nick files from the Police
station. Captain David had given her access and express it was a closed case
but due to certain events involving such manners that the Milkovich siblings
were facing she was granted access with a court order that she obtained
legally.
 
 
The Files, along with the DVDs; Captain David gave to Charlene were in her
possession and she was going over them. Captain David helped her out and
together they went over them trying to see if there was a way to find the first
time Nick appeared out in the video. It was also to see if she thought that any
of these files or video would be a benefit for Mickey to see or read. The
search for the DVD videos with the files should have been easy right. No, it
wasn’t. Most of the DVDs were too damaged and some were not so damaged. So when
they played them and reviewed them, Charlene and David labeled what they could
and put them in categories of age. It made them sick and sad if they were being
honest with anyone, to see what was on these DVDs. The files Charlene reviewed
gave her an insight as to what was on the other DVDs and video cassette tapes
that they were not able to review due that were damaged.
 
 
As long as Captain David has been a cop, it was always still sickening to him
on how people like this can do things to children, woman, and even men. 
Charlene felt the same way, no matter how long she has been in her profession
of work it never got easy. Dealing with Individuals with a mental disorder and
knowing how some of these individuals develop such disorders due to trauma such
as this pained her. Reading and seeing things like this would affect anyone’s
psyche mentally and emotionally.
 
 
They got through a bunch of files, and some of the DVDs that were labeled in
estimated of age from 5 to 14 years. Charlene marked files and DVDs down in
categories. Red is a bad level of abuse and Yellow being a low level of bad of
the abuse. There were 2 small boxes left to look at and one box stuck out to
Captain David.  M._Milkovich/Evidence!  Captain David opens it and in it were
two DVDs along with more pictures and case files. It looks like this was one of
the boxes that never got looked over very well. Back then Captain David did his
best to be a great detective, but even then his partner was okay but wasn’t the
best. Once the case was given to them, all the people that were involved in
this criminal act all took a plea deals instead of being prosecuted. Either
they got 25 or 35 to life without the possibility of parole, or life imprison.
A lot of the evidence didn’t get categories and was put in boxes and placed in
evidence locker like so.
 
 
Taking out the pictures and case files Charlene was reading, she noted the
house that the Milkovich siblings lived at. The address area was familiar so
she made note of it. Captain David grabs both DVD’s in the box and examines it.
The First DVD was damaged and cracked, the second one had some scratches on it,
but it looks like it can play. They both had Mick/Nick on them. David went
ahead and put the DVD in the player….And what both he and Charlene saw and
heard put them in shock even more. And if Charlene’s gut was right, then this
was the one DVD that was the first; the original one and the first video of
both Mickey and Nick.
 
                            ***********************
 
With the new information Charlene gathered, she felt it was best to let the
Siblings know what she found. Even though Mickey is her patient, he was going
to need all the support he can get. In addition to that, this was going to be
another attempt at trying to help Mickey integrate, by showing him the DVD and
letting him know everything. But it had to be done in a delicate manner and not
forced or thrown upon him. Hopefully, by Mickey viewing the DVD, this would
help him and Nick integration and they can begin to heal. The one thing that
bothered her was that; was Mickey ready to see the video or videos? Was he even
capable of seeing this or part of it? Would he be able to willing accept and
remember his past? Basically, Mickey had to do this and had to be the one to be
strong enough to fight and not use Nick as his fail-safe. Not using Nick, meant
he can start to heal and start to deal with his past, but using Nick was always
Mickeys default to fighting his battle.
 
 
Charlene along with Collin, Mandy, and Iggy were all sitting in the sala in
Collin and Leah’s house that they had in Chicago.  Leah was back in New York,
but Collin was still keeping her in the loop of things.  Charlene had explained
the circumstances of the meeting and gave the Milkovich siblings her findings
of what she and David found. She explained to them it was only a matter of time
and patience in waiting for Mickey to want to come back.  More like be ready to
come back; once he does, then they can start therapy immediately and slowly
give Mickey details of his past that he has buried deep down in his mind. After
that, she wants to eventually show him the video.  Showing Mickey this video;
the Milkovich siblings knew it would be a start to a long process of
integration. To where Mickey would have to be willing and enable himself to
remember everything of what happened to him as a child.
 
 
However, it was a gamble and yet they all knew that. They knew it would be a
more likely higher percentage change that Mickey would lean towards Nick for
help. And that would definitely set his mental stability back even more.
Possibly even causing Nick too permanently remain here longer. However this was
a choice that Mickey had to make on his own, he has to prepare his mind and
that was something Mickey had to do on his own. Until then, the only thing
Mandy, Iggy, and Collin can do and hope for is that no-one in the processes
gets hurt.
 
                         *****************************
 
Charlene had left a copy of the DVD with Collin, Mandy, and Iggy; the reason
for this is because she wanted them to really understand what their brother was
facing. Not just this video but the demons he behinds in his mind that lead
Nick to deal with the problem. She wants them and needs them to understand that
this happened to Mickey, but his alter was the one who took the pain and
suffering for him. Making Nicks bond to Mickey, very strong and very willing to
fight back at all cost. She wants them to understand and know that it was Nick
who dealt with this in his mental state, not Mickey in a way.  That is why they
had to see it for themselves, she wasn’t sure if she should leave it with them
at first. But maybe for them to face the reality of it all, and for them to get
an actual grasp of the real picture, which Mickey is going to be facing soon.
Not only that, but maybe it would help them as well to come to term with the
emotional strain she knew they had over the guilt of letting this happen to
their baby brother. Charlene just hopes that the 3 older Milkovich siblings can
be strong enough for Mickey, and know that it was not their fault that this
happened to him. That none of them were to be blame for this and for what’s to
come in the effects of the aftermath.
 
 
When Charlene left and handed Collin a copy of the DVD, she hugged him and told
him it will be alright. He had been talking too her recently about his guilt
and his worries over everything. How it just didn’t feel like this was real to
him. As if he would wake up from a really fucked up dream.  When he closed the
door and turned around, he notice the time from the clock on the wall. Ian and
Nick were due to come by in a few hours to have dinner and spend time with
them. Collin had some hope, but Mandy told him Nick still wasn’t fond of him,
but if this dinner meant he got to see his brother and be around him then so be
it.
 
                            ***********************
 
Ian and Nick were laying down in bed just cuddling, Nick could feel Ian smiling
behind his neck as Ian presses kisses on him. Nick turns around and looks at
Ian and smiles “morning” he says lowly yet fondly to Ian.
 
 
“Morning.” Ian says and kisses Nick slowly and after a few minutes he pulls
away looking at Nick who was now making patterns on Ian’s chest with his
fingers. “What are you think about?” Ian asked him.
 
 
Nick stops what he was doing and looks up at Ian. He gives him a small smile
“Being here, us together” Nick sighs turns around and looks outside the window
to wear the backyard is and smiles. “I’m just thinkin about how I don’t wanna
go to Collin’s place and see him or Iggy, or Mandy today….I don’t know. I’m
happy here with you Ian.” Nick says and holds Ians hands that’s wraps around
him tightly.
 
 
Ian hummed at him and then gets up on one of his elbow and turns Nick around
and kisses him. Nick smiles and pulls away.  “To all that you are and always
will be…I love you.” Ian says to Nick
 
 
Nick smiles at Ian “…hmmm this should be fun today.” Nick says sarcastically
“Different fun I bet.” And laughs
 
Ian smiles at him and sit up and his face changes from a smile to a serious
look. “Yup a whole other experience right. Our own adventure if you will.” Ian
says then smiling fondly at Nick.
 
 
Nick shakes his head and sits up and kisses Ian quickly but only says “yeah…you
know I’m glad I get to spend the rest of my life with you” Nick says and kisses
Ian again.
 
 
Both men get up from their rooms and go take a shower, its late in the
afternoon so they slept through breakfast and a little past the afternoon. Ian
makes him and Nick a sandwich since they have to leave in a few hours to
Collins house for “Family Dinner”. Ian texts Debbie the address and she tells
them that she will meet them there after she gets out of school; she was off
from work today since school ran late in the evening for her.  Both men decided
to clean up and lounge around for a bit before they had to get dressed and get
ready to go.  So as soon as the clock turned 5 they would be out the door and
headed towards Collin’s by 6pm. But till then, they might as well have some
FUN! ^_^
 
 
                          **************************
 
Collin is in the sala looking at the DVD in his hand, while Iggy and Mandy
prepare dinner. Iggy walks in the room and says to Collin “Are we gonna watch
that? Because honestly I don’t know if I can Collin…..” There was silence in
the room and none of the men spoke to each other as they looked at Each other.
 
 
It was then that the silence was broking when Collin spoke in a low voice “…I
don’t know Ig’s….I just…” Collin took a deep breath in and sighed rubbing his
face with his right hand as he had the DVD clutched in his left hand.
 
 
Mandy had been watching them from the door way of the sala, it was then that
she cleared her throat and both brothers looked at her. “We should watch
it…..get it over with and prepare ourselves for either outcome…good or
bad…whether we loss Mickey or not I need to know what those fuckers did to my
brother that made him like this.”  Mandy walks in the room and looks at Iggy
and Collin “You guys sure you wanna do this, because once we do, then we’ll
know exactly what Mick went through for years. Not just by hear of words but by
seeing, physically.”
 
 
Iggy looks at Mandy and nods his head; he had fear in his eyes and sadness.
Collin was the one who spoke “We have to…as much as I know we all don’t (he
stops talking and looks away from Mandy and Iggy)… If this is….if it’s the only
way that we can help Mickey. Then we have to, we have to know.” Collin finally
says to his brother and sister.
 
 
Mandy takes the DVD from Collin’s hand and walks over to the DVD player that is
already turned on. She inserts the DVD into the player and all three siblings
sit down in on the autumn and look at the screen. Collin is holding the remote
to press play but is hesitant to do it. Iggy sitting in the middle grabs the
remote from Collin with his right side and holds his brothers hand, while Mandy
holds on to his arm on his left side. He presses play and they sit and wait.
 
 
The screen goes to a young Mickey sitting on the bed. He’s wearing a small
white wife beater and shorts. He has no socks or shoes on. He’s being told to
look at the tape by someone, so he does.
 
 
The man in the video appears, but you can’t see all of his face, only part of
it. The man then asked Mickey “Tell everybody what your name is?”
 
 
“Nick” Nick says to the man
 
 
“But that’s not your name? Your name is Mickey right. That what you and your
dad said.” The man said to little Nick.
 
 
“No. Its Nick, I’m Nick.” Nick said glaring at the man.
 
 
“Well okay Nick; were gonna play a game and make a video this time just like
you did before you remember? (Nick nods his head slowly and he’s making a
frown) Except it’s going to be with me. I won’t be behind the camera like
before.” The man said to Nick looking down at him as Nick looks up at him.
 
 
Nick stood looking at the man whose back was facing the camera now. He places
his hand on Nick head and then grabs his face and kissed him. Nick tried to
pull away but was smack on the face. He didn’t cry. He just held his face. He
looked at the floor and looked back up at the man glaring at him.
 
 
Mandy puts her hands to her mouth trying not to cry out and Iggy is crying
silently along with Collin. But Collin’s eyes look murderous as he is looking
at what is happening in the tapes.
 
 
The camera zooms out and you see Nick on the bed sitting up against the wall
staring at the man as he places his hand on Nicks’ leg. Nick has no short on
and the man goes and takes Nick white beater off and throws it on the side.
What he does next is place his hand on Nicks leg and from there things get hard
to see. The man was touching Mickeys chest and everywhere all over his body.
Mandy, Iggy, and Collin are still staring at the video that is being played in
front of them, but it’s getting harder and harder to watch. They see Mick/Nick
turn his head away from the camera, but the man in the bed forces Nick to look
at the camera. You can tell he’s was gripping Nicks head hard and pressing down
on the bed. What happened next made all three Milkovich siblings gasp in for
air as they saw their brother be a product of child molestation.  As Collin
looks at the video and is seeing what was happening in front of his own eyes.
He felt sick, he felt guilty, he felt like he failed his little brother! But
even more….he failed to keep him safe and keep the promise he made to his
mother so many years ago.
 
 
Everything shut down in Collin, he can’t bare to hear the cries in the video,
he can’t bare to hear Nick cry out “please stop”, he can’t bare to see his
little brother face in pain and see the angry in his eyes. He just can’t
fucking bare it. The emptiness as he looks so innocent. No child should have to
go through that….no child at all.
 
 
Collin then gets up and grabs the closes vase near him and throws it across the
room. It breaks on impact and the glass shatters everywhere on to the floor. He
has tears in his eyes and he’s gripping his head trying not to cry more. He
can’t look at it anymore the video, everything. It makes him sick; but he does,
he cries and bends down over tries to breath in and out calming his self-down.
 
 
Iggy and Mandy hold each other close as they see and hear their little brother
begging for the man to stop doing what he’s doing. It’s too much for them to
watch and Iggy just closes his eyes and tries so hard to drain out the noise of
the cries. It was Mandy who took the remote and stops the DVD. She throws it
down on the floor and then breaks down and cries.  She cries so hard, harder
than she ever did in her life. Iggy grabs her and holds her as she cries and
repeats the words over and over again “no-no-.no-no-no…why….why him?” Mandy
cries out. She barely understandable at this state, but she can’t help it.
 
Seeing Mickey go through that and it wasn’t even Mickey it was Nick. He went
through the pain, that torcher and it wasn’t just one time, it was more than
once. This was one video of many and they knew. They were to blame for not
looking out for their brother, and that is what she felt. That as his older
sister it was her job, it was all three of their jobs; hers, Iggy, and Collins
were supposed to look after each other and make sure they were protected and
safe.
 
But that didn’t happen now did it…..
 
 
Iggy whispers to her “I don’t know Mandy…..I don’t know” As he cries and holds
her tight, trying hard not to break down as she did. Right now she needs him
more than ever. Right now someone needs to be strong for all of them, Mickey
more importantly. Collin came over and kneeled down in front of them and holds
both his siblings tight. That was when Iggy just broke down in tears and
couldn’t hold it in anymore. His big brother was there with his little sister
holding them. Keeping them safe, but guilt hit him as no one was there to keep
Mickey safe.
 
 
Why wasn’t anyone there to protect him, to protect him from the monsters?
 
 
After a few moments of realization hit them hard, Mandy, Iggy, and Collin stood
in the sala staring at each other. They didn’t know what to say, but they all
felt the pain. The pain of guilt, the pain of sadness, the pain of anger taking
over them as reality hit them of just how cruel this world really was. And what
it was like to see a form of evil up close as that. What their little brother
experienced, was beyond monstrous. It was just evil and horrible that not even
words could ever describe. For a while they stayed in silence but it was Mandy
who broke the silence the room.
 
 
“I can’t believe this shit. Our brother had to go through that! It wasn’t even
him it was Nick.” Mandy says with even more tears down her face “How could
Terry do that to him. How could he do that and let those men do that?  …. Why
would he do that? .... Why Mickey? What did he do to deserve that!” She shouts
out saying as she gasps for air trying to breath steady.
 
 
“I don’t know? But we had to watch that video and know. Terry might have not
been the one to do anything physically to him, but he started this….he let this
happen… Fuck (he said in a lowly) I let this happen.” Collin says to Mandy and
Iggy. “Leah and Charlene said that Nick is going to fight like hell if he finds
out we have that video or if we know exactly what is on. So we have to hide it,
especially if that was the first time it happened. But Charlene said there was
another one that was too damaged and unmarked….she said that…um Captain David
is trying to have his people recover the video on the other DVD…. She said that
David said that this was one of the videos they never got to mark, and that
um…it was in evidence box…. But the date on them and everything shows that;
(Collin breath in heavy and exhales out) that was the video…..maybe or maybe
not the first one.” Collin says and it made him feel sick.
 
 
Iggy was still in silence and couldn’t put words together. He just went up to
Mandy and Collin and hugs them close again. He needs his sibling’s strength
because this wasn’t going to be easy for Mickey once he learns about this. “You
guys have to be strong; we have to be strong for Mickey now and Nick.” Iggy
says now and steps away from his brother and sister. “No one, and I mean no one
should have to go through that, and he did. I didn’t protect him when I was
supposed to!” Iggy says as his voice broke at the end.
 
 
“None of us did Ig’s. What’s worse is that it happened and we didn’t notice.
How many times did Mickey come in our room crying because he said something
hurt or how we saw bruises on him and we thought it was because he was accident
preboned or that Terry got mad and fucking wailed on him like he did with us?
Or how many times did he look at us, with those same eyes in the video. How
many times was it Nick asking if he could stay with us in our room or if we
could stay up with him and play and we just brushed him off like nothing…..God
no wonder why he hates us, no wonder why he hates me!” Collin says putting his
hands to his face and wiping his eyes at the memories of many times when Mickey
would come to him in his room and ask him to stay in there with him. Or when
Mickey would be quiet for days and not speak to anyone. He just thought it was
Mickey being a brat and wanted to get his way. He had no idea what was
happening.
 
 
“It was Nick who had to endure it. He was beaten…used as an object over and
over again... Taken advantage of and it was Nick that had to go through it.”
Mandy says as she’s looking off at the wall. There was a silent moment for a
while, as the siblings look at each other with tears in their eyes; Mandy then
continues to talk “He took that pain of horror… all so Mickey couldn’t deal
with it….And nobody, ever showed him that he deserved anything better….  Nobody
but Ian, and I don’t know about you guys…But I’m happy Nick and Mickey have
Ian.” Mandy says while wiping her face.
 
 
“Yeah….(Iggy breathed out) Ian showed him that there are good people in this
world…That there is love and trust and hope; and Ian showed that to Nick. So at
least Ian gave him some joy and happiness at least…at least he gave him love.”
Iggy says looking down at his hands and letting the tears roll down his cheek.
Not caring to wipe them away because he was mental tired of it all. To know and
physically see what his little brother had to do in order to deal with the
trauma of being a child of rape, of molestation, a victim of the innocents… a
victim at the hands of evil. What would you feel?
 
 
“yeah… I’m grateful for him for that.” Collin says and looks back at a picture
of his brother and Ian that Mandy gave him. “I’m grateful Nick as Ian.” Collin
says.
 
                             ********************
 
When it’s time to head to Collin’s house Ian texts Mandy and she replies back
saying she’s excited and is cooking Dinner. She reminded Ian to text her when
they got there so she can have everything ready. She thanked him again and Ian
told her no problem. Both men headed out to the car; however Nick was still
reluctant to go ahead and do this whole dinner thing. He had a bad feeling
about it for some reason.
 
Nick looks at Ian before they get into the car to head to Collins place. “Look
I’m not ready to deal with Collin and Iggy or Mandy right now. The way that
Collin and Iggy will fuckin look at me Ian;  Man I know it’s like their gonna
be fuckin disappointed I’m Not Mickey. I know there gonna look at me and wish I
was Mickey….” Nick says and Ian looks at Nick and gives him a look of ‘no they
won’t’. Nick just looks at Ian and rolls his eyes at him. “I just want to relax
before we have this get together that you’re making be there for.” Nick says
 
 
Nick was about to go inside the car when Ian stops him. “Hey your brothers and
sister have been pretty okay lately alright…Iggy’s visit me at the station and
we’ve talked and he seems pretty okay. And he asks about you all the time. Plus
they haven’t been pushing and I’m sure your brothers have accepted that you’re
Nick at the moment. Just cut them some slack okay…Plus Mandy doesn’t look at
you like that, and you know it.” Ian says to Nick.
 
 
Nick looks at Ian with a ‘really face’ “yeah right okay.” Nick says and gives
in. It was true that Mandy did look at Nick like he was a person and hadn’t
given him a look of pity and wishful thinking. But Nick didn’t trust Collin or
Iggy and he still didn’t trust Mandy for anything and was still not sure he
wanted to do this there at Collin’s place. What if they like ambushed him and
this was all some sort of trick. It was a bit overwhelming but Nick refuses to
go down without a fight.
 
 
Ian must have sense this because he steps closer to Nick. “Hey I’m not gonna
let anyone hurt you okay. We agreed to hang out so they can see who you are
alright. Get to know their brother, you. Even if you say there not your
siblings, they want to know you…so that has to count for something right?” Ian
says and goes to kiss Nick, who willing excepts the kiss.
 
 
Nick looks at Ian then out of nowhere says “I’m odd aren’t I? (Ian looks at him
with confusion but Nick continues to talk) I mean that would be the perfect
word to use on a person like me right? Or maybe eccentric is a better word
yeah? I mean I’m an alter that’s stuck in someone else’s mind. Created for
disaster really.”
 
 
Ian looks at Nick and shakes his head. “Nah you were created for me and only
me. It was like destiny or something.” Ian says and smiles at Nick
 
 
Nick laughs “Nice one Gallagher. Really smooth there.”
 
 
Ian looks at Nick with a fake shocked expression “What? Oh Come on Milkovich
you know it’s true.”
 
 
Nick tilts his head to the left side and smiles at Ian “You’re good I’d give
you that, but you know I’m a just some-some guy that’s squatting here okay… I
mean the first time we met I tried to pick you up and literally sell myself to
you- and for free might I add. Then we fought, then I stole your wallet and
your car, then we had sex. Amazing sex might I just add. But I’m different,
unpredictable, a loud mouth, and outright reckless, and you think in your
brilliant smart mind of yours that “yeah I’ve got the right fucking guy. He’s
amazing, he’s awesome, and different”; and turns out that hey he’s fucking
crazy all together!” Nick says sarcastically to Ian.
 
 
“No” Ian immediately says cutting off Nick
 
 
Nick sighs “Ian come on man….You’re in love with an alter you married an alter.
Why don’t I just save you’re the trouble and-“
 
 
Ian kisses Nick hard cutting him off as he spoke. He pulls away and looks at
Nick “I’m in love with you, you fucking idiot. The most outrageous, downright
pain in my ass; who’s not only fucking handsome and has a great ass by the way-
but is also the love of my life…and you’re the most amazing perfect person I’ve
ever met.”
 
 
Nick looks at Ian for a few moments then spoke. “You know….I think you’re the
crazy one in this relationship and I’m the one that’s more sane then you.” Nick
says with a smile.
 
 
“Fuck you okay…I’m crazy in love with you.” Ian says laughing.
 
 
“Was that a Beyoncé reference?” Nick says jokingly as grabs Ian and leans him
up against the car and kisses him.
 
 
Ian looks at Nick breathless and notices Nick is nervous even more than so, but
he’s hiding; and hiding it well. “Hey…close your eyes and relax okay.” Nick
does as he’s told and looks at Ian again “How are you feeling right now?” Ian
asked him
 
 
“I feel happy, safe and strong with you here right now.” Nick says to Ian
 
 
“See nothing to be worried about? I got you, I promised you didn’t I? You and
me verse the world.” Ian says to Nick and lets him go so they can get in the
car and drive off.
 
 
Once they’re in the car and driving towards Collin’s place they notice it was a
similar building like Mickey’s. It’s a nice fancy type apartment buildings.
This was one of Collin’s places he had here in Chicago, since he lived in New
York. Now Ian remembers Mandy telling him that Collin maintain the business out
in New York but always came back to Chicago to make sure that the Auto-shops
here were doing good as well. His building had a doorman which was nice.
 
 
When Nick and Ian get on the elevator, Nick becomes fidgety. This wasn’t his
territory; this wasn’t a place he was familiar with. And if this was an ambush,
he was so going to bust knee caps and take someone’s head off. He cracks his
knuckles as if he is getting ready for a fight. Ian looks at him and smiles.
Ian knew what Nick was thinking and found it adorable that Nick would think he
would let anything happen to him.
 
 
Once they get to the door they knock on it but nothing happened. No one came to
the door or anything. So Nick stops and turns to look at Ian. For some odd
reason he knew that there was a key under the mate and took it and unlocked the
door. Letting himself and Ian inside; him and Ian walk in the small hallway
into the apartment towards inside the sala. Collins place was nice, his sala
was huge, bigger than Mickeys place. He had nice comfy sofas and black autumn
in the middle of the sala. There was a TV on your right hand side of the room.
On the opposite side of the room there was a computer desk and two big
bookshelves.
 
 
For some reason Nick had even more of a bad feeling, and from his past
experience bad feelings meant that something was off and that some shit was
about to happen. Nick turns to look at Ian. “Ian we should go home like right
now.” Nick says turning around again and had been thinking of ways to say they
had to leave early. Even go as far as to say that Ian was sick and they had to
bolt. He even had a plan as far as to take some laxative pills he had and drink
it to say he had like food poisoning. He was thinking of all sorts of shit.
 
 
Ian chuckles and looks at Nick unamused and shakes his head. “No Nick. We
can’t, besides you agreed and plus since when do you not want to see Mandy? 
You guys spend like that whole day with one another the last time and you even
said she was awesome. And that you like being around her that one time.” He
says to Nick with a small smile.
 
 
Nick shakes his head and looks back at Ian “No Ian there something wrong. I can
feel it, somethings not right I don’t know. …fuck I have this bad feeling.”
Nick says out of nowhere.
 
 
Just then Mandy, Iggy and Collin walk in the room and look at the couple in
front of them. They were in the sala and the three older siblings had no idea
that Nick and Ian came in the front door. Mandy forgot that she told Ian to
text her, she had her phone on her but it was off. She mentally cursed herself
for letting her phone die and not charging it. However Mandy, Iggy and Collin’s
facial expression show that they were shocked and somewhat emotional about
something, and Ian and Nick look at them as if asking them mentally what was
wrong.
 
 
“We didn’t hear you guys come in” Collin says trying his best to not loo
shocked and hoped that his eyes were not as red as they were from crying.
 
 
Then Nick walks around Ian and says “Why are you guys so uptight about? Hmph
what the fuck happened?” Nick says looking at each siblings and notice they
that something must have happened. He sees Collins eyes are puff and it looks
like all three of them must have be crying. But he tries to ignore that little
fact.
 
 
Collin looks at Nick and glances at the DVD on the night stand, “Nothing, we
just are surprise to see you that all.”
 
 
“Bullshit…you guys knew we were coming. Ian text Mandy... So what’s really up,
plus you and Mandy look like she had been crying and so does Iggy... Sooo. What
the fuck happened? Did we come at a bad time?” Nick says again looking at
Collin and Mandy and Iggy then back at Collin.
 
 
“Nah it’s nothing… was just upset I had a pregnancy scare….I thought I was
pregnant then I wasn’t so these are tears of joy.” Mandy says quickly
chuckling. “Hey! Why don’t we get ready for dinner yeah?  It’s all done and
ready; you and Ian can help me okay. Set the plates and shit and help carry the
big fucking chicken that’s in the oven to the table.” Mandy says and is trying
hard to distract Nicks questions but for some reason she knew he wasn’t falling
for it.
 
 
Nick is hesitant at first, but nods his head and spoke to Mandy “Um okay sure.
You should really stop being a skank though.” Nick says smirking at Mandy.
Mandy punches him as he walks to the kitchen in Collins apartment. Collin then
goes to the night stand and takes the DVD and is about to put it away when Nick
walks back in throw his jacket on the couch; and you can hear Mandy saying
something to Nick but it was too late.
 
 
Nick looks at Collin and what he’s holding and then…“What is that!?...(Nick
says it again breathing heavier and his eyes become glassy and he’s panicking.
He see his name on the DVD and then) “What the fuck is that!?” Collin doesn’t
answer, but Nick knows what it is “....NO! (He puts his hands on his head and
shakes his head back and forth) NO-No….NO! NO! NO” he screams and is crying “Oh
My God, oh my god no!” He says again to himself. Mandy, Iggy already have
walked back in the sala. Mandy, Collin and Iggy look guilty at each now. Ian
comes running back in the room hearing Nick yell. He goes to his sides and Nick
grips Ian by the arms hard and is breathing heavy.
 
 
“Nick what’s wrong look at me! Nick, Nick, tell me what’s wrong!?” Ian says
quickly holding Nick up who’s crying and is looking hysterical.
 
 
Nick is remembering the past has he holds himself and his bend over. Get over
here now, we’re gonna do this like before okay Mickey.” He says to Nick “Look
at the camera Mickey and say your name” He says again “My names not Mickey its
Nick” Nick said. “Well whatever you say, But okay.  Well we’re gonna do it like
before, but a little different this time. Now come here, NOW! We’re gonna make
a movie this time. And you’re not gonna cry or I will make sure to punish you
again…you got that!” He says to Nick, who just nods his head up and down. “NO!
Not again… not again…NO! NO!-no Ian no.” Nick is crying harder and louder more
 
 
“Can someone fucking please tell me what the fuck is going on here.” Ian says
frustrated looking at Nick’s siblings and back at Nick.
 
 
“Nick…Nick we know what happened okay. We know. About what Terry let those men
do to you, about it all… we know we saw it for ourselves” Mandy says and she is
crying to “I’m so sorry you had to deal with that on your own.” Mandy says with
more tears coming down her face. Nick looks at her and then at Iggy who is also
crying and he turns to look at Collin who even worse than Mandy and Iggy.
 
 
“You tricked us didn’t you! …. having me and Ian here… tonight… for dinner was
a trick.” Nick says as he is crying looking at Collin “You wanted nothing to do
with getting to know me YOU LIED!” he screams out again crying “YOU JUST WANTED
MICKEY TO SEE WHAT WAS ON THE DVD!” Nick says crying harder than before.
 
 
Ian looks at the three Milkovich siblings and tries to attempt to calm Nick
down who is breathing heaver than he was before “Nick calm down for a bit baby”
Ian tries to say to him
 
 
“NO IAN… No…Oh GOD FUCK!  Don’t you get it Ian. Don’t you see…. They want to
get rid of me, not know me okay... Once Mickey see this… fuck those DVDs-that
was supposed to be locked away and destroyed Ian. Once he sees what’s on that
DVD I’m gone! THEY WANT ME GONE!” Nick says frantically but he was pissed and
angry.
 
 
“We don’t want you gone Nick please.” Mandy says as she tries to tell her
brother over his cries.
 
 
“We want to help you Nick.” Collin say “You will always be a part of Mickey’s
life.” Collin tries to say again
 
 
“I DON’T WANT TO BE APART OF MICKEY LIFE! I HAVE MY OWN LIFE!” he screams at
his siblings “You…You said you wanted to know more about me. You fucking liar…
that’s all you do, that’s all any of you do is just lie.” Nick says looking at
Mandy. She looks more hurt by his words. He started to care for her and that
was his mistake because she didn’t care for Nick, it was only Mickey she wanted
to care for. He felt so stupid to believe that yeah maybe the Milkovich
siblings wanted to know him. “I’m outta here!” he says and tries to leave but
is stopped by hearing Ian speak to him.
 
 
“Nick” Ian says but Nick doesn’t let him finish “NO Ian you don’t get it! Once
Mickey sees that video, once he knows we’re done. We fucked up!....I’m outta
here and I’m taking Mickey with me. SO fuck you all.” Nick says and runs out
the door, and Ian looks at Collin and then with that Ian running after Nick
with Mandy and Iggy right behind him.
 
 
“Fuck…FUCK!” Collin screams out “..….what have I done.” Collin says to himself.
Just then Mandy, Iggy, and Ian walk back in in a rush. “Did you get him?” he
asked them.
 
 
“No” Ian says and is texting Nick, but gets no response and then he texts
Debbie letting her know shit went down badly and to call him if Nick gets home.
“He took the car and sped off before I could get to him. Fucker is fast,
sometimes I forget how fast he is at that.” Ian says looking more and more
confused on what the fuck just happened.
 
 
“Fuck, I have to call Charlene and let her know.” Collin says but was stop by
Ian. 
 
 
“Look I have no idea what the hell is on that video, but whatever it is, it’s
gotten Nick hysterical and he’s in a desperate state of mind right now and
that’s not good…I can personally tell you that whatever the fuck has got him
like this, he will do something stupid.” Ian tells Collin. Collin looks at Ian
and back at Mandy and Iggy who were thinking of what to do themselves. Collin
looks at the DVD in his hand and hands it to Ian. “What is this?” Ian asked.
 
 
“You of all people have the right to know. That’s the reason Nick left…The
reason why Mickey created Nick…The reason he may do something stupid.” Was all
that Collin said as Ian looks at the DVD in his hand. Ian step back and took
the DVD and went to the DVD player and turns the TV on. He puts the DVD in the
player and pressed play. Collin looks away and ran his hands over his face and
just stared out looking at nothing really. Mandy and Iggy look away not wanting
to see what Ian was about to see.
 
 
The DVD plays and Ian is looking at it. There was young Mickey on the video, he
sitting on the bed and looked like he was numb. Expressionless, when he heard
the guy call him Mickey and Mickey said he was Nick, Ian stood shocked. When
the video play on and continued to play on Ian covered his mouth and was in a
rage. He let out tears silently but was mad beyond reasoning. He knew from what
him and Nick had that fight that Nick slipped up about a few things. Ian didn’t
want to push him as Nick said briefly a few things that happened to him. Never
going into detail, but when he saw this video a mere 4 year old boy who had to
be strong, who had been created to shelter another little boy from that pain;
Well that hurt Ian in so many ways. “I didn’t know exactly everything…I just
thought that….I mean he told me but….Fuck! I’m a fucking idiot who keeps bring
him back here to you guys, and you just tried to ambush him…” Ian says.
 
 
To say that Ian was upset was not the word; no definition of what he was
feeling right now can be worded.  If he could he would kill that bastard that
did this. Ian gets up and stops the DVD. He stood next to the TV shaking his
head and turned to glare at Collin.  “He was molested…he was abused sexual” The
realization hit Ian hard; to say the least he couldn’t form words he just saw
red.
 
 
“Yeah…you know now, and he um.” Collin says but didn’t get to finish.
 
 
“What the fuck! What kind of person does this?” After no-one said anything Ian
sat there remembering everything he and Nick talked about. The arguments, the
words that were said; and then- “How many?” Ian asked and looks at Collin then
Mandy, and Iggy, then right back at Collin.
 
 
“How many what, what you mean?” Mandy asked Ian
 
 
“Videos! That sick fuck in the video said they were gonna make another video
like before. How. Many!” Ian hisses out
 
 
Collin was the one who spoke and Ian just glares at him “There’s a lot. How
many we don’t know. When I found the videos all those years ago-um…the police
came and took everything…and um they never went to court because the
perpetrators took plead deals. Every one of those men and there was two woman
as well. Terry being one of them, he swore he never touched Mickey, but that he
gave Mickey to whoever wanted to have him. They paid and he made money from the
videos and the services…He was charged with child endangerment, Child
pornography, sexual exploitation of a child and a few other child abuse
charges. He was giving life without the possibility of parole. When I got out
of jail from the fight I had with Terry, the judge gave me custody of my
brothers and sister. I moved them away from that house so that we can start a
better life….(Collin was holding back tears) Mickey didn’t seems to remember
any of it. So I thought it was a good thing. I didn’t want to pressure him to
remember something that he shouldn’t have to relive again!” Collin says and
tears coming down his face.
 
 
The room was tense more that it had ever been, but after a few moments Collin
spoke again. “Now you get why Mickey-“
 
 
“NICK!” Ian shouts out to Collin.
 
 
“He’s emotionally unstable right now, and he’s fragile and he knows that we
have the DVD and-.” Collin says but Ian cuts him off again and talks over him.
 
 
“It was Nick! Nick! ...That little boy on those videos-they were all Nick, My
Nick! That’s why he had such a hard time trust anyone, trust me. Getting close
to me, wanting me to know him more and the fighting and arguing! It all makes
so much sense. I just figured he was trying to push me away, because that’s
what he always did when we started. He never wanted me to know anything about
him. Then I did, and then I brought him here.” Ian says while looking down at
the ground into nothing.
 
 
But the Ian looks up at Collin and his eyes became dark “His own family. You!
You were supposed to protect him! Where the fuck were you Collin! Where the
fuck were any of you!?” Ian shouts angrily at Collin trying hard not to get in
his face and hit him.  Now it made more sense to Ian, when Nick said Collin
promised to protect Mickey but he didn’t. It was Nick who protected Mickey, not
Collin, not anyone.
 
 
“You think I knew this shit was happening!? You think I knew what our father
was letting those sick fucking perverts do to my brother! Do you think I had
any Idea of what the fuck was going on in my own fucking house!? …I HAD NO
IDEA! I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO MY LITTLE BROTHER!” Collin says
shouting at Ian, because it was bad enough he felt bad; but he refuse to have
someone come in here and make him feel more worse than what he was already
feeling.
 
 
“You were his brother! You were supposed to know it was your job to protect
him! To care of him, that’s what siblings do!” Ian shouts at him.
 
 
“Ian.” Mandy says but Collin cut her off before she could speak.
 
 
“No Mandy he’s right…Don’t you think I know that! Don’t you think that out
every one I don’t blame myself! How I think about myself knowing I let that
happened!” Collin says looking Ian dead in the eyes.
 
 
“You know my sister raised us…I didn’t have the best parents either. My mom a
crazy drug addict; my father a sick fucking alcoholic and also drug addict, who
would do anything to make money even if it meant scamming whoever. But my
sister raised us, and yeah I might not have the best relationship with her now.
But she would never in a million years- she made sure we were okay as much as
we gave her hell. She made sure we were good.” Ian says to them. Ian knew it
wasn’t their fault but right now he didn’t care about that.
 
 
“Ian I blame myself every day for not knowing….for not seeing, for not putting
two and two together we all three do.” Collin says to him.
 
 
“Good! Because even though it might not be completely your fault, but you
turned him away when he needed you or went to you. That much I know, and now it
makes sense. What he would say to me about you and why. I never got it, never
understood why, but I got it now.” Ian says and turns away from Collin and
walks to the window in the sala.
 
 
There was silence in the room and no one spoke. What could anyone say at this
point really? Ian just turns around and is walking out of the sala when he
heard Mandy speak to him and he stops “Ian what are you gonna do now?”
 
 
“First I’m gonna go find my Nick and I’m gonna do what no one has not done… I’m
gonna be there for him more than ever. I’m gonna go to him comfort him, tell
him I have him, and I’m gonna make sure and make him understand by reassuring
him that we can face whatever they fuck the world throws at us  together,
especially this.” Ian says to her.
 
 
“Ian its Mickey that has to face this, its him who has to deal with it and come
to terms with this and fight.” Mandy says to him.
 
 
Ian looks at Mandy with an emotionless face expression. “Fuck you! You betrayed
me, and I fucking trusted you. I trusted you and you just fucking sold me out
Mandy. What’s more worse is that I told Nick that this was a good thing. You
and him, and us coming over here to spend time with you guys. The worse part
was that you didn’t only just sell me out, you sold your own brother out. Nick.
The one you said you wanted to get to know…You fucking watched that video and
then you told me it was okay to come over, you basically fucking lured us here!
While the whole time you had a fucking weapon – that fucking DVD Mandy! That
fucking thing can destroy anyone. But guess what! You fucked up! Now Nick’s
left, and he’s gone and I have to find him because now he probably thinks he’s
more alone in this world than anything. He’s probably fucking scared and guess
what, he’s got Mickey with him.” Ian says to her.
 
 
“Ian you know I trust you with my brother we all do. We know you would never
betray Nick and he knows that!” Mandy says to him.
 
 
“Yeah well right now I can honestly say I don’t know what he’s thinking. And
you’re right I never will betray him, but you know what? Right now it feels
like I did, because like an asshole I brought him here. Like an idiot and the
fucking fool that I am, I let you come into our lives and be a part of it and
convinced him that it was okay with you. That today was going to be okay and
that nothing will hurt him.” Ian says to Mandy sadly.
 
 
“Ian you have to believe me I never meant to betray you or Nick I swear. I just
saw the video today, you have to-” Mandy tries to say but is cut off by Ian
laughing at Mandy and looking at her.
 
 
“I’ll get over it, I don’t believe you but I’ll get over it…but Nick won’t.”
was all Ian says as he left the sala and went to the door to leave and go find
Nick.
 
                                ***************
 
Nick didn’t know what to do; he was just driving around not caring where he
went. He needed a plan, he needed to get the fuck away, far away from everyone.
He somehow ends up in the last place he thought he would ever be. As he enters
the loft apartment, he took in everything that happened. He had a bunch of
missed calls from Ian, and Debbie, and even Mandy. He had a text message from
Ian saying he was worried and to call him that he was looking for him. Nick
placed the phone down on the table and went into the back room. He didn’t know
what to do. He walks out of the back room and starts walking around Mickey’s
apartment trying to figure out what to do. He starts to look through a bunch of
papers and mail that was on the table. He is looking for some of Mickey’s bank
cards and decided he would withdraw a few thousands of dollars and take Ian and
Debbie away, that if she wants to come and leave. Just pick up and leave, and
if Ian love him as much as he said he did, he would come with Nick.
 
 
While searching for some of Mickey’s things, Nick stumbles upon something that
caught his eye.  It was a letter from the state of Illinois Pontiac
Correctional Center.  It was a letter from the prison stating that a prisoner
was released from his life sentence due to illness. It was called compassionate
release, in which an inmate was terminally ill and is released to live out his
or her dying days at home and not in jail. It was rare to get this kind of
release. But due to overcrowding Nick can only think that, that was why he was
release.  In a fit of rage Nick grabs his phone and left Mickey’s apartment and
heads out to deal with his past once and for all.
 
                              *******************
 
Ian left Collin’s house and got on his phone to track Nick down. As long as
Nick’s phone was on Ian was able to track him with the app he always left on
Nick and his phone just in case of anything. When he looks at the phone and
tracks Nick down; he saw he was at Mickey’s apartment. So Ian heads straight
there taking a cab. Once he gets up stairs the door is opened but no one is
inside. Ian walks around and saw the table of papers were scatter, but there
was one paper he saw. A letter of release and the name on the paper and address
had Ian putting two and two together. He took the paper and left out. He knew
where Nick must have gone; because when he checks the phone again to track Nick
where about, he is at that very same address. Ian ran out of the apartment and
heads straight for a cab hoping to god Nick wouldn’t do something stupid he
would regret.
 
                         ****************************
 
Nick walks up to the house, he’s uneasy but he takes a few steps up the stairs
and looks at the door. He knows he has to do this. He knows he has to get rid
of the problem. He rings the door bell, and a woman comes to the door and opens
it. She averaged height brown hair, brown eyes and she in blue scrubs. “Hi can
I help you?” She says to him.
 
 
“Ah yeah. There’s someone here that I use to know-a relative actually? I heard
he still lives here, is that true? I mean he’s not dead or anything right?”
Nick asked and he is fidgety and nervous but kept his composure.
 
 
“No sir the person that lives here is not dead, but it depends on who you’re
looking for sir. I was told he has children, but none of them have contacted
him since he’s been home. Can you tell me who are you looking for? His name,
maybe he might the person you’re looking for since he’s lived here from what I
know all his life.” The young woman says to Nick.
 
 
“Milkovich…Terrance Milkovich, some people call him Terry for short. (Nick
coughed) I’m ah. I’m his youngest son, Mikhailo.” Nick says to the young woman.
The nurse gave Nick a surprised look. “Is there a problem?” Nick says
 
 
The nurse shakes her head while speaking “No-no it’s just that no one has
visited him in a long time since he’s been back here. I know he was away
somewhere, but we’re not supposed to really ask so many questions about
patients. We’re just supposed to make them comfortable until it’s their time,
but we do get a family history of visits and things like that…It’s just
Terrance hasn’t had any visitors not even for Christmas or anything at all.”
The Nurse says to Nick.
 
 
Nick nods his head. “Okay, well I’m here and I wanna see him.” Nick says to the
nurse, she let him in and they walk through the house. He remembers this house,
his and Mickey’s childhood house. It looks different, cleaned up mostly with
lot of medical supplies around. “Where is he?” Nick asked.
 
 
“He’s in his room sleeping, I just gave him some of his medication, so he may
be in and out of it. I was just about to go to the store to get a few things to
make for him and smash it up so I can feed it to him. But I can wait while you
see him for a bit.” The Nurse says.
 
 
“No. That’s fine do whatever the heck it is you have to do for my old man. If
he needs something go ahead and get it. I’ll be fine with him, plus I work in a
hospital so if anything I can manage it. Just leave your number in case of
anything.” Nick says lying to the nurse.
 
 
The nurse is hesitant at first, but she does need to go to the store before
everything closes and make her patient his meal. “Are you sure…I mean I’m not
supposed to leave him with anyone.”
 
 
“I’m his son, if it wasn’t for him I would not be here. He’s fine with me, I
just want to talk to him and see how he is.” Nick says to her and gives her a
small smile.
 
 
She looks like she was thinking about it, but then she nods her head and gave
Nick (who she though was Mickey) her number and told him that she should be
back in 30 minutes top. She told him he may not be able to talk too much and to
try and not let him talk as much since he has the breathing mask on his face to
help him breath. Nick ensured her again that everything would be fine and that
he would not let him talk, and then she left.
 
 
Nick walks up to Terry’s door and stands there for a few seconds before opening
the door and walking in. He closes the door behind him hard not caring if it
woke him up or not. Nick laughs as he walks over to the bed. Lying there is
Terry Milkovich hooked up to machines; he had a breathing mask on his face and
what looks like needles or an IV in both his arms. Nick stands there, taking in
the view of what he saw. “Terrance Milkovich…good old Terry… (Nick kicks the
bed and Terry’s eyes open) “Hey Terry wake up! Do you remember me? Do you know
who I am?” Nick asked and for a long moment Terry looks at Nick and Nick looks
at Terry. “I remember you…You do remember don’t you. I mean how could you not?
I was part of your sick twisted game right? You loved to play that game didn’t
you? Well Terry it wasn’t a game for me now was it! YOU FUCKING SICK TWISTED
BASTARD! You made me, You! Mickey might have made me, but it was you…I am the
man who I am today Terrance because of you!” Nick says his tone of voice was
uneasy.
 
 
“You see I can never forget your face being so close to mines. You breathing
down on me, the hits, the scars, the bruise, the…what you did, all of it…You
might be an old pathetic piece of shit who is dying of what?” Nick says and
picks up the clip board and saw “Cancer! HA! Seem you have Lung cancer, and
liver cancer! I bet it fucking sucks right… It’s torcher isn’t it! Not being
able to breathe, not being able to do anything and being so defenseless RIGHT!?
Mickey knew that all too well, that’s why he always had me to fall back on…I
remember what you did…everything, and then what you let them do to me!” Nick
says and walks more towards Terry’s bed as Terry looks at him.  “And that
smell, God I can remember it like it was yesterday. That disgusting breathe
breathing under me, suffocating me, and I couldn’t do anything about it but
stare and stay under; crying out and if I cried to loud, the beatings that I
got...” Nick says and stops.
 
 
Nick grabs a pillow from under Terry not caring. He begins playing with it in
his hands as he continues to talk. “Now….see because of you, your fucking
recording of everything! Now everyone knows what happened! Like everything, the
whole truth... What!? Wasn’t it enough that you did it to me for years that you
ruined a little boy’s life-that you had to fucking put it on video for everyone
to see!” Nick says now shouting at Terry. “For everyone to know Terry! Because
of you, you and your stupid fucking disgusting friends and you! Now I’m fucking
ruined, now my life is fucked up. I’m done! Gone! Finished! No more Nick….And
guess what Terry?” Nick holds up the pillow more “If I’m going down? So are
you!” Nick says and covers Terry’s face with the pillow and holds it down while
crying. Terry is weak and couldn’t move much, but he is trying to move.
 
 
Just then Ian opens the door and sees Nick holding the Pillow down on Terry
face. “Nick NO! Nick Stop” Ian says rushing to him and pulling him back. The
pillow falls to the floor and Ian hold Nick.
 
 
“No Ian, no he deserves to Die! He deserves not to live or be free!” Nick
shouts with tears threating to leave his eyes.
 
 
Ian is holding Nick close. “Shhh it’s okay. I know Nick-I know.” Ian says still
holding Nick close to him and looking at the man on the bed who seemed to be
scared but unable to talk. Ian turns Nick around but Nick is still looking at
Terry with death eyes. “Listen to me Nick, Nick look at me!” Nick does “I know
he deserves to die, I know he deserve death for what he let happen to you. He
should be in jail dying no matter what his condition is all right? I get that.”
Ian says to Nick.
 
 
Nick goes pale as to what Ian is telling him…No he can’t know…Ian can’t know
what happened, not like this no! “How do you- How did you….You saw the video
didn’t you.” Nick says and starts to cry. Ian knew, and Ian knows how ruined he
really is.  “How did you know I was here?” Nick asked Ian.
 
 
Ian held Nick’s face with both his hands “I told you before didn’t I? You can’t
just think you can leave and I won’t find you.” Ian taped on Nick’s head as he
said “I know how this thing works and how you think. I know you, and I know
where you went.” Ian says to Nick sadly.
 
 
“So you know….I didn’t want anybody to see that video Ian…I didn’t want
anyone.” Nick tries to say while crying but then is cut off.
 
 
“Mickey…..Mickey” Both Nick and Ian hear and turn around to look to see it was
Terry calling Mickey. His voice is scratchy, unrecognizable, and he had a hard
time breathing as he tries to speak.
 
 
Ian turns around and sees red. He goes and tries to walk to Terry’s bed pulling
his serve pistol out when Nick grabs his hand. He looks at Nick then at Terry.
“Let. ME. Go.” Was all that Ian says to Nick.
 
 
“No! You are not murder.” Nick says to Ian “I’m not a murder, I could be, but
you Ian you’re not a murder.” Nick says.
 
 
“Yeah but I’ve killed before Nick.” Ian says to Nick instantly.
 
 
“Yeah for reason you had to. You were a soldier so you had to… Right now he’s
not worth it. I know that now.” Nick says while looking at Terry, than he looks
at Ian. “If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t exist, and I wouldn’t be here. So no
don’t kill him…He’s not worth it.” Nick says lowly to Ian.
 
 
“That’s not true. No matter what you say or think, he’s not the reason you’re
here. I believe that it would’ve happened regardless you being you. Him
creating you? No. Mickey would have created you regardless of whatever he
needed you to help him deal with. No matter what I believe that you would have
been here in the end. Something as good as you, could have not been created by
something so evil! Do you understand me? You would have been here no matter
what Nick!” Ian says so passionately to Nick.
 
 
“Fine...But if you kill him Ian then what? It ain’t gonna erase my past, it
ain’t gonna make shit better, and it will tear us apart and you will go to jail
for murder and I need you! I can’t fucking lose you, especially not to him!”
Nick says “Can we leave…please.” Nick says and that was all he needed to say.
 Ian puts his gun back in his holster and grabs Nicks hand and left the house.
 Once they were in the car both men were silence “I thought that if I killed
him…It would somehow erase my past…that it would erase what happened to us.”
Nick says suddenly as Ian is driving.
 
 
“I get it…but killing someone stays with you…That’s why I would have done it
because I know what it’s like to take a life. And trust me I would show no
remorse.” Ian says to Nick bluntly.
 
 
“Once Mickey sees that video Ian, I’m done…I can’t believe they got their hands
on it.” Nick says rubbing his face and looking at the window.
 
 
“I’m sorry Nick, I’m so sorry…but don’t worry about that right now okay.”
 
 
“Don’t worry about it? Ian once Mickey views that video we’re fucked you know
that? That’s all they need was that video, a video that should have been
destroyed!” Nick says and puts his hands on his head.
 
 
“No. Listen we’re gonna go back there get the DVD and destroy it okay. Once
that’s done then that’s it. Telling Mickey won’t work and you know that. I
won’t let them hurt you, I promised you that. So we destroy the evidence and
that’s it.” Ian says making his way on the highway back to Collins house.
 
 
“How the fuck are we gonna go back there, they probably have that it locked
away Ian.” Nick tells Ian.
 
 
“Nah, Collin Mandy and Iggy were too busy trying to figure out where you might
go. Plus they left when I did. So I know they’re not at Collins house and (Ian
showed Nick Collins keys) I took this off the table.” Ian says smiling at Nick.
 
 
Nick smiles at Ian. “Okay, let’s hurry the fuck up and find it destroy it and
fucking leave.” Nick saiys to Ian who was on the same page as him.
 
                           ************************
 
When they get to Collin’s apartment, no one was there just as they suspected.
They went straight into the sala and start searching for the DVD. Nick was
starting to panic because that DVD had to get destroyed and soon. “Fuck! I
can’t find it, where the fuck did they put it at?”
 
 
“Found it!” Ian says and gave it to Nick who took it from him and looks at it.
 
 
“What did you see Ian? I mean I know you saw, but what did you see?” Nick
asked, sounding so scared as he looks down at the DVD.
 
 
Ian was silent for a moment before he spoke. “A man, he was facing away from
the camera. He asked you for your name and you said Nick. He said you were
going to make another video like before, but that he was going to be in it with
you….Then I saw somethings I rather not want to ever see again in my life.” Ian
says and Nick looks up at him as he sees Ian wiping his eyes.
 
 
Nick looks at Ian with a confused face. Nick’s mind is racing as he thought.
That it wasn’t the video he thought it was, but none the less it had to be
destroyed. He remembers who it was, the second man who took Mickey, and it
wasn’t-. “Okay.” Was all he said, but Ian saw something.
 
 
“What is it Nick?” Ian ask in concern
 
 
“This video….This was like the forth or thirds time it happened to us…being
filmed that is…I thought it was the very first one…but it all has to be
destroyed…They have no right to have any of this.” Nick says and broke the DVD
with his hands. He continues to break it in small pieces until he was
satisfied. He looks at Ian who gave him a small smile.
 
 
Nick drops the pieces on the floor and him and Ian walked out of Collins
apartment. They drop the keys on the floor and left for home. The drive home
was quiet, but that was okay. Both men needed it to be quiet. Once they get
into the house they go upstairs and close the door. Nick sits at the end of the
bed looking down at the ground emotionally drained and tired. Ian came up to
him and removes his sneakers not letting Nick move. Ian then picks up Nick and
Nick let him. Ian takes off Nick’s shirt, and then his pants and lays him down
in the bed and covers him up. Ian gets undressed as well and lays next to Nick
holding him close.
 
 
Nick just leans in close to Ian; he looks up at him and kisses him. Ian tried
to stop him knowing Nick is in a vulnerable state, but Nick didn’t want to hear
it. He actually wants to forget today ever happened. “Make love to me Ian.” Was
all he says and Ian wants to protest again it, but Nick kisses him again and
pulls Ian on top of him. His kiss is more determine and very passionate, as if
not wanting to let go of Ian, as if he is going to loss Ian.
 
 
The kiss turns heated pretty fast, but it was gentle as well, and the next
thing they knew it, Ian is inside of Nick and is thrusting inside of him slowly
and passionately. Ian’s face is buried into Nicks neck, and he is panting and
groaning. Nick had his legs wrapped around Ian clinging onto him. One hand ends
up grabbing Ian by his hair and the other os leaving scratches on Ian’s back,
every time Ian pushed inside him. “I love you” Ian says to him looking at Nick.
 
 
Nick looks back at Ian “I love you baby” he gasps out grinding down on Ian’s
cock. “Harder baby…Fuck” Nick says and his pushes his head back and his eyes
rolled back as Ian slams into him harder and deeper at a slow steady place. Ian
leans their foreheads together as he kept thrusting in deeper and Nick is
gripping Ian harder and panting. Ian kisses down to Nick’s neck and starts to
suck on it leaving a red purple mark.
 
 
Nick’s head starts to hurt and he is moaning louder as Ian hit his sweet spot
over and over again going a little but faster and much harder than before. “I
love you” Nick whispers out. Ian is close and he can tell so is Nick. But Nick
grabs on to Ian with one hand and his other hand went to his head and he
hisses.
 
 
Ian looks up at Nick and he looks at Ian. Ian kisses Nick and at first he
didn’t respond to the kiss but quickly he does respond back to Ian. Ian pulls
away from Nick and looks at him again as he keeps thrusting into him deeper and
more harder snapping his hip “I love you! Baby I love you.” Ian says and then
both him and Nick hit their climax and came together at the same time. Nick
instantly kisses Ian again and this time the kiss was different. They rode out
their orgasm together, Ian telling Nick how much he loves him, and how much he
would always protect him and keep him safe.
 
 
Nick is silent and says nothing when they were done. Ian gently caresses Nick’s
face with his hand and leans in and kisses him; who kisses Ian back instantly.
Ian held Nick in his arms tightly and he falls asleep. He didn’t move as Ian
slept.  When he knew Ian was fast asleep, he sits up and looks over at Ian and
looks down at himself and the room around him.
 
 
“Shit!”
 
 
Chapter End Notes
     Well that happened. Next chapter may be if not longer but just as
     long. So what you think about the ending of this chapter honestly?
***** Don't Hate Me....Please *****
Chapter Notes
     Thanks for everyone still staying with this story. soon a new chapter
     very soon xoxoxox
      
     Hey Everyone I know I havent updated this in a while so here you guys
     go. I hope you don't get mad at me. So this chapter I didnt know how
     to end it. I didnt like the way I ended it, but I figured some way
     how to. Also the next chapter will be hard. So this chapter like many
     others is long and hopefully will hold you guys for a bit.
     n addition I love your comments and kudos and that you guys really
     like the story and subscribe to it and book mark it. It makes me feel
     like I'm doing something right. So without further ado here you guys
     go. Please please let me know what you think about everything so far.
     love you all and thanks for reading and Happy thanksgiving by the
     way.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Mickey is looking at Ian from where he’s laying down at. Taking in everything
with what just happened. He couldn’t believe him and Ian? Well first it was
Nick and Ian where in the middle of sex and the next thing he knew it was him
and Ian in the middle of sex and he didn’t stop him. Fuck! He thought to
himself, ‘why didn’t I stop him?’ And shit he kissed Ian, the kiss
was….different. Something he had never experience before, the feeling and ugh
this was just complicated. Mickey was tired and a bit drained. He didn’t know
if he should just leave while Ian was asleep, or wake Ian up and tell him or
what. He just didn’t know what to do.  But then suddenly he got this rushing
urge of guilt that came over him from the thought of leaving Ian. Mickey just
laid back down in bed next to Ian, covering the both of them up. He was on his
side of the bed not to close to Ian because this was still too much to bare
with at the moment.
 
 
Ian had suddenly moved close to Mickey and Mickey tenses up when Ian wraps his
arm around him. After a few moments of being still and what seemed like
forever. Mickey exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He took in the
warmth of Ian’s embrace, his scent, his hold on him. Mickey was thinking that
this must be how Nick feels when he’s with Ian. Mickey was still uncomfortable
but pushes the thought out of his mind as he moved Ian’s arm off of him
carefully not to wake him up. He then turned over looking at Ian as he slept
and with that he falls asleep as well.
 
 
                             *********************
                                        
                                        
Somehow throughout the night Mickey and Ian got tangled up with one another.
Mickey is laying down on Ian’s chest with one of his legs around Ian’s leg. Ian
has his arms wrapped around Mickey, who he thought was Nick obviously. Mickey
woke up to Ian running his finger through his hair and whispering sweet things
to him. Only it wasn’t for him that Ian was meant to say these things to, it
was Nick Ian was talking to. He feels Ian kiss him on the top of his head and
say “I love you.” Mickey now felt even more guilt rush over him. He looks up at
Ian with sad eyes and that didn’t go unnoticed.
 
 
“Babe what wrong?” Ian says.
 
 
Mickey shakes his head. “I’m sorry” Mickey says in a low voice and gets up and
takes the first pair of pants he saw and puts them on. He then takes another
random shirt and puts it on and sat back down on the bed looking away from Ian
with his head down. He turns to look at Ian, and he saw how Ian’s face looks so
confused with also fear in his eyes.
 
 
Ian sits up and looks at Mickey; he wasn’t stupid, he saw Mickey’s face. He saw
his eyes and knew it wasn’t Nick anymore. Then Ian leans forward and ran the
back of his hand on Mickey’s cheek. Mickey hitches his breath at the touch of
Ian’s hand on his cheek. Mickey never took his eyes off of Ian and neither did
Ian. Ian gives him a small smile, and this smile was more of I know I just hope
I’m wrong kind of smile. “Will you be home for dinner” he says chuckling
lightly still looking at Mickey.
 
 
“I don’t think so Ian.” he says sadly still not taking eyes off of Ian. The
room is silent, no one spoke or moved for a minute of two. Mickey breaks the
silence. “I’m so sorry Ian.” Was all Mickey said to him.
 
 
Ians eyes got water and a few tears came down his face; Ian shakes his head no
and smiles at Mickey dropping his hand from Mickeys face “Don’t ever apologize
for something you can’t control…It’s okay…You gonna be okay….I’m gonna be
okay.” Ian says and after the two of them just stood there looking at each
other. “Do you want me to call Mandy?” Ian finally asked Mickey.
 
 
Mickey sat there and though about it for a minute for some reason, but then he
simply nods his head yes and Ian dials Mandy’s number. Mickey just sat there
waiting listening yet not paying too much attention.
 
                                 *************
 
Mandy was at home still fucked up from everything that happened yesterday. With
the video and then with Nick and Ian; it was a complete fucking mess. What hurt
the most was that she didn’t get a chance to explain, well she did but if she
was being honest, if she was Ian she wouldn’t have believed her either. Not
only did she manage to fuck up a relationship with him and Nick, but she lost a
best friend in the processes. She called Debbie and even Debbie was mad, but at
least she listened to her. But even Debbie agreed she should have warned Ian
and be honest at least. So it was to her surprise that the one person who told
her to go fuck herself was calling her right now.
 
 
“Ian?...Ian look I’m so, so, so fucking sorry and I don’t say that to most
people okay you have to be-“ Mandy says but she didn’t get a chance to finish
her sentence.
 
 
“I don’t wanna hear it now Mands.” (Mands she thought to herself at least he
still calling her that) “Whether you knew or didn’t you still should have told
me. I could’ve…..Fuck. Mandy it doesn’t even matter anymore what’s done is
done…” She hears him sigh loud over the phone and stood silent as he continues.
“I get it okay. I’m not mad at you, but I’m not happy and you’re not my
favorite person right now… I’m more disappointed than anything.” Ian says over
the phone. He sounds hurt and she notices it all to well.
 
 
Hearing that hurt a lot; her and Ian establish a good bond of friendship. So
being mad she could handle, but disappointment just hurt her even more. Mandy
sighs sadly, “I know Ian its just-
 
 
“Look that’s not why I called you to talk about okay…We can talk about that
some other time Mands.” Ian says to her.
 
 
“Okay what’s up? Is Nick okay? I know he hates me right now.” Mandy says sadly.
 
 
There was a silence before Ian spoke “…..Nick’s okay Mandy and uh so is
Mickey.” Ian says quietly.
 
 
Even though Ian couldn’t see Mandy’s face, her expression changed and her eye
brows rose up and then came down as she looked confused. “Mickey?....OMG Ian is
he.” Mandy asked.
 
 
“Yeah” Ian says sadly and she could hear it in his voice. She knew eventually
someone was going to get hurt and it sucked that apart of her knew it would be
more Ian than anyone. The shitty thing about this was that she honestly didn’t
want a good guy like Ian to hurt like this, but her brother needed to be
healthy again and come back to them.
 
 
“Are you okay?” she asked Ian.
 
 
“Yeah I am.” Ian says to her, but she knew he was lying.
 
 
“You sure….You don’t sound okay Ian.” Mandy says to him.
 
 
She hears a small laughter come from Ian over the phone “I will be Mands…He ah,
he wants to talk to you.” was all Ian said as she hears the bed move over the
phone and movement.
 
 
“Hey Mandy.” Mickey says and he sound so tired.
 
 
Mandy smiled at the voice of her brother who she thought she would never hear
or see again after what happened yesterday night. “Hey Mick, you okay?” She
asked him.
 
 
“Yeah just a bit dizzy, but mostly tired.” Mickey says answering her back.
 
 
“Want me to come get you.” Mandy asked not knowing what to say, but wanting to
say so much and she just wanted to hold her brother close.
 
 
“Nah….not yet. I ah…I want to speak to Ian for a moment okay… maybe in about an
hour if not then I’ll call you okay.” Mickey says to her.
 
 
“Sure no problem….but ah you know…use protection little bro.” Mandy says
jokingly to Mickey. She hears laughter over the phone when he calls her an ass
and told her to fuck off.  When the phone hangs up, Mandy couldn’t help but
feel excited and happy, and weird all at once. She got her brother back….but
the question still remained for how long?
 
 
                                ***************
 
Mickey and Ian go to down stairs; there is a quit amongst them. Ian makes
Mickey breakfast and both men still said nothing to one another. Mickey didn’t
know what to do but he went for it.
 
 
“How long this time?” Mickey asked and when Ian looks at him with a confused
look, Mickey waves his hand “How long was I gone Ian?”
 
 
“Only a few months not long really.” Ian says biting his bottom lip
 
 
Mickey stood silent for a bit and was thinking. The last thing he remembers was
him being at his house. They were trying to integrate, but he saw something.
Something he couldn’t remember, something that frighten him; neither of them
spoke and Mickey just looked like he was far off away somewhere. “How could I
let this happen again?” Mickey says to himself.
 
 
“It wasn’t your fault Mickey, you had no idea what could have happen.” Ian says
to him softly.
 
 
Mickey shakes his head and put his hands to his face. “I can’t do this
anymore…I just fucking can’t take it anymore.” Mickey says desperately.
 
 
Ian goes to try and comfort Mickey, but when he gets up to him and put his hand
on his shoulder Mickey flinches and pushes his hand away roughly. Ian as taken
back a bit from the harsh gesture “Mickey look I get-“ Ian tries to say but
Mickey cuts him off.
 
 
“Fuck you! You don’t know shit! You don’t get anything Ian-What the fuck am I
supposed to think and feel huh? ...I’m here with you just like you wanted
right?” And now Mickey is upset to a point where if you got in his way then he
would attack you in any way he thought he could. He didn’t care who you were at
all. “You’re just as bad a Nick is….I don’t love you okay, he does! Not me.
He’s a part of me don’t you get that! Where right back here where we started!
All I keep doing is hurting people. ” Mickey says more angrily.
 
 
Yeah Ian was thrown off with Mickey’s sudden outburst, but there was no way he
was gonna let Mickey push him away. “Don’t take your shit out on me okay.” Ian
says dropping his plate in the sink not wanting to finish his food “And yes I
fucking get that part Mickey! What makes you think I can’t love you either, or
that you can’t love me? What make you think that I don’t love you anyways?” Ian
says lashes back out at Mickey.
 
 
“Because you don’t know me Ian!; because you fell in love with Nick, not me!
And I have someone else, I have a boyfriend” That last statement wasn’t so true
in a way.
 
 
Ian gives Mickey a questionable look “Yeah okay; someone who doesn’t even treat
you right!” Ian snaps at Mickey and he keeps on talking. “And I’m say this
again so maybe you get it clear through your head okay. So what if I love Nick,
what makes you think I don’t love you either huh? At least I’m not like that
sick twisted asshole of a boyfriend you have! That whenever he gets a bit too
drunk he takes out on you.” Ian says to Mickey, and apart of him instantly
regrets saying.
 
 
“Fuck you!” Mickey says in a low hissing voice “I don’t let him hurt me, and he
knows better than to lay a hand on me, and when he tries I just kick his ass
simple as that.” Mickey tells Ian.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey like he has two head. “Seriously…..You’ve gotta be fucking
kidding me here! ....Do you even love him?” Ian says looking at Mickey.
 
 
“Yes.” Mickey says hesitantly. It was lie but Ian didn’t need to know that.
 
 
Ian looks a little hurt by that response, but took a step closer to Mickey and
Mickey back away. Ian stops and nods his head before he said “How can you love
someone who treats you like that….How can you love someone who doesn’t love all
of you, even the parts that makes you split …(Ian raises his eye brows and lick
his lip) How can you love someone…who calls you names then tells you he’s
sorry, someone who has laid a hand on you in the past and then what you kick
his ass?....Really Mick... Someone who isn’t even there for you, who fucking
blamed you for your disease! … Are you fucking kidding me, you love him, you
want that? That excuse for a fucking person!” Ian practically yells out at
Mickey.
 
 
“Yeah well at least he’s not someone who married and fell in love with someone
fucking alter! Someone who only exist because of me! At least he’s not someone
who’s fucking selfish and took advantage me!” And Mickey knew those words stung
because Ian is looking more than hurt at what Mickey said. His eyes where
glassy and Ian looks like a fragile Child.
 
 
Ian eyes stung…did he take advantage of Mickey? Did he? He didn’t think of it
like that, he didn’t even realize that maybe he did? Him marrying Nick, him not
committing Mickey to hospital when Nick came out, him taking Nick home and
trying to have a life together, trying to be a family….Yeah he suppose he
really did end up taking advantage of him and didn’t know. Not until Mickey
said it….but how can you stop your heart from loving someone who you know loves
you. Someone who you know deep down inside feels for you more than anything in
this world…..How can you stop loving the love of your life when you know deep
down inside you finally got him and you refuse to let him go….Shit! But Ian
knew he was selfish as well. “He is selfish….and yeah so am I…but you see at
least I’m selfish for good reasons….Him (Ian shook his head) him not so much. 
At least I can say that I love you no matter what. But can he honestly say that
he loves you and I mean all of you no matter what. Not just Mickey, but each
and every one of you.” Ian says and turns around and walks upstairs because he
didn’t want give Mickey the satisfaction of seeing his tears come down his
face.
 
 
Mickey stood in the kitchen for a moment thinking of why all of a sudden it
went from okay to bad. He takes his phone out and text Mandy telling her to
come get him. He thought about what Ian said, but he needed to hurt Ian and
push him away so he can get his shit together and be whole again….It still
didn’t excuse him from saying what he said. It was out of angry yeah, but Ian
never really took advantage of Mickey; at least that’s how Mickey saw it in his
eyes, if anything Ian understood. Patient even, how he didn’t know, didn’t know
why he would be really. But Mickey should have just told Ian that he needed
space and time away and make Ian promise him to make sure if Nick came back out
to commit him or something….All these things ran in Mickey’s head at once.  He
knew he had to apologize because it was just wrong what he said. 
 
 
So, Mickey goes upstairs to apologize to Ian. When he gets upstairs, he sees
Ian in bed curled up under the blanket. He walks in the room and tries to say
something but Ian gets to him first “just leave, please just go.” was all Ian
said sounding so broken and hurt. And Mickey felt a tightness in his chest, but
he still walks more in the room and sat on the right side of the bed were Ian
is curled up at.
 
 
“I’m sorry.” Was all Mickey says to Ian softly.
 
 
Ian nods his head from under the blanket from what Mickey could tell. When it
was clear to Ian that Mickey wasn’t going to leave after he apologized. Ian
sits up from under the covers and looks at Mickey then back down at the blanket
wiping his face “You’re right…I took advantage and I’m sorry….” Mickey tries to
shake his head no and say something but Ian didn’t let him. “You’re right you
know?” Ian says and Mickey looks at him asking silently for him to elaborate.
“About me falling in love an alter…(Ian looks down at his hands and was playing
with the blanket as he is talking) Nick said that to me a few times…I guess he
was just trying to prepare me for the truth or something.” Ian says and
chuckles sadly not wanting to look at Mickey.
 
 
“Ian” When Ian didn’t look at Mickey, Mickey grabs Ian’s face and made him look
at him. “I was wrong to say that okay…I know Nick, he can be very demanding,
persuasive, and straight forward and doesn’t take no for an answer. If anything
I should be thanking you I guess in a way, not fucking blaming you or anyone.”
Mickey says firmly wanting Ian to understand what he meant, wanting him to know
he is thankful it was him and not anyone else.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey confused. “Why would you thank me? Why wouldn’t you blame
me, you said I took advantage and I did! I see that now.” Ian says with tears
threaten to fall down from his eyes again.
 
 
Mickey shakes his head and moves closer to Ian. “No Ian. Yeah you married Nick,
yeah I’m here and not at home or in the hospital or any of that shit…But if it
weren’t for you, I know Nick would have ran off somewhere and I would’ve been
alone.” Ian let out a few tears and Mickey can’t help but wipe them away as he
continues talking. “I’d probably be waking up next to some random guy or girl
freaking the fuck out.” Mickey says to him.
 
 
“Girl?” Ian in says more than asking.
 
 
Mickey chuckles a little. “That’s all you took in from what I just said?”
Mickey asked with a smile on his face and then laughs, making Ian chuckle a
little bit. “Well yeah, you didn’t know? When it comes to sex, Nick has no
problem getting it from anywhere, which is really disturbing.” Mickey says to
Ian.
 
 
“So does that mean your?” Ian asked
 
 
“O no- hell no. I can’t. I’ve fucked a girl once, and it was so bad it took me
an hour just to my dick get up… and that was after I turned her around and
fucked her doggy style that I managed to get hard. And that only happened
because I was thinking of Jensen Ackles thank you very much.” Mickey says
trying to light up the mood and make a joke.
 
 
Ian smiles and chuckles lightly “He is cute.” Agreeing with Mickey
 
 
“No he’s hot! And Of course I know this because I got great taste in men… Nick
got you didn’t he.” Mickey says to Ian smiling softly. He kind of blushed a
little bit as well.
 
 
Ian’s smile widens. “Are you flirting with Milkovich?” Ian asked curiously.
 
 
Mickey drops his head down trying to hide his smile and then looks up at Ian
“No…I’m just being nice.” Mickey says but he us blushing red on his cheeks more
trying hard to not to smile at Ian. Then his phone rang, it was text message
from Mandy saying she was down outside waiting for him. Mickey sighs and looks
over at Ian giving him a sad apologetic small smile.  “Mandy’s here…waiting for
me outside to take me home.” Ian nods his head and him and Mickey got out the
room and made their way down stairs.
 
 
Mickey stops before he opens the door and turns around to look at Ian. Ian
looks so fucking wounded but you can tell he’s trying hard not show it. He
didn’t want Mickey to feel bad; this wasn’t his fault. Mickey had to know that
Ian wanted him to know that. Mickey Had to know that he wasn’t to blame for his
disorder and the outcome it brought with it. “It’s okay Mickey…I’ll be fine…and
ah as far as the divorce papers; when I get them drafted up again, I’ll sign
them and send it to you so you can file them and we can be done with it okay.”
Ian says not looking at Mickey.
 
 
“What? I signed them and sent you it, what happened to the original copy?”
Mickey asked curiously
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and smirks at him “Nick.” Was all Ian said and Mickey nods
his head yeah. “When he saw them in the dresser he took them, ripped them, than
burned what was ripped up. But not before threaten to cut my dick off and
breaking my hands in the processes as well.” Ian says and Mickey laughs at that
and Ian just smiles. But then it fades away when he hears the car horn honking.
“I’m sorry Mickey…” Ian says again. Mickey knew he would still apologize even
after he apologized to Ian telling him he didn’t mean it and that it wasn’t his
fault.
 
 
Mickey turns to look at the door then back at Ian. For some reason it felt
wrong to leave, but he had to get his shit together. And maybe when all this is
done, maybe he and Ian can be friends at least. Ian is a good person, and
deserved to be happy more than anything. Mickey walks up to Ian, closes his
eyes and presses their foreheads together. They stood there for a moment just
soaking in each other and then Mickey moved away slightly and reaches up and
wipes the tears that are coming down Ian’s face. He keeps his hand on Ian cheek
not moving it and leans in and kisses Ian. There was no open mouth, no tongue
nothing like that. Just lips on lips together for a moment and Mickey pulls
away, opening his eyes as Ian did his. “Thank you” was all Mickey said to him
in a whisper leaning their foreheads together again closing his eyes once more,
before he pulls away and walks towards the door. “See yah Ian.” He says and Ian
nods his head at Mickey. Mickey opens the door and walks to the car where Mandy
was waiting for him.
 
 
Ian came to the door and watch as the man he loves, leaves him, but for good
reason. He thought that maybe when this is all done and Mickey is well, maybe
he can fix things and start fresh with Mickey…Maybe or maybe not. Mickey did
confess to saying he loves his boyfriend Colt and not Ian…Ian leans against the
door and Mandy saw him and waves at him. He smiles and waves back at her. She
motioned that she would text him and he just nods his head. He watches them
drive off and stood there for a moment letting the cold air hit him. When Ian
closes the door, he leans back against it and slide down to the floor, only to
cry to himself once more. There is only so much of this he can take, before he
would have enough of his heart breaking.
 
                             *********************
 
It had been about a few weeks since Nick had disappeared from Ian’s life. Ian
couldn’t help but still feel hurt and the pain in his chest. Shit like that you
don’t get over it so easily. Especially when you know that person is the love
of your life; however Ian knew this would happen again, he just didn’t know it
would happen sooner than he had expected. Apart of him the selfish part, hoped
that Nick would be there forever. Him and Nick, God was he an idiot; he felt so
stupid.  None the less he was still sad over it, going to work coming home,
being like a fucking machine trying to do anything to keep his mind occupied.
He even picked up double tours when he could and was thinking about
transferring out of Chicago and go to New York maybe, or even Seattle. Just
somewhere different, but Ian wasn’t so sure either if he really wanted to stay
away from Mickey.
 
 
Mandy kept Ian up to date with what Mickey was doing and how he was handling
things. For instantly like how Mickey’s therapy sessions seemed to be going
okay, and how it was affecting Mickey. Like how if Mickey was okay and if he
was talking to her or anyone. She was letting Ian know all of this stuff
because she knew deep down inside he wanted to know if Mickey was okay and how
the intense psychotherapy was coming along for him. They started talking again
after about a week of Mandy constantly texting Ian of how sorry she is and if
she needed him to come over with a bottle of Jack and ice cream she would. He
eventually caved in and told her to bring a big bottle and a big tub of ice
cream. They drank and ate ice cream talking about anything and everything. When
the subject of Mickey came up, it was Mandy who broke down in tears, and Ian
just held her close as she held him while he cried silently as well.
 
 
Mandy tried to express verbally and physical that Ian should visit Mickey at
least once and try to talk to him. Ian said he was sure that Mickey didn’t want
to see him, and that he needed to focus on getting himself better; that he
would probably do more harm than good if Mickey saw him.  However Mandy didn’t
think that, especially when Mickey would come home from therapy and would curl
up in his bed and sleep in the same clothes that he came home in from when he
was at Ian’s.  Or how he when he was being more distant when he got home from
therapy that sometimes it scared her, or how when Mandy would have to force him
out of bed to get up sometimes now. Mandy didn’t want to tell Ian any of that.
This was one of the ways that she saw Mickey was able to cope or something. She
never even asked Mickey, she just saw what he would do. It still didn’t stop
Mandy and even Debbie from sometimes slapping Ian over the head, telling him to
go visit Mickey or text him maybe, but Ian would always refuse. Expressing he
didn’t want to cause harm to Mickey, or make things worse.
 
 
Mandy couldn’t stand seeing Ian mope sometimes and listening to the same
bullshit thing he did every day. Even from Mickey, Mandy tried to get him to
call Ian or even text him to at least tell him about how he was doing, and ask
about the divorce papers. Anything to get those two to have a conversation, and
get the ball rolling in the court! Or so they say. But Mickey would make an
excuse saying that he knew Ian didn’t want to talk to him or see him. She tried
to get Mickey to go to the Gallagher house with her, and that didn’t work
either. Mickey refused saying it would just make shit worse and more
complicated.
 
 
Fucking Men she swore they were worse than woman.
 
                              *******************
 
Ever since that night happened Mickey has been more to himself, besides having
Mandy around and having her pester him about Ian and what not. Therapy has been
going good to say the least. Mickey and Dr. Jimenez have been working on having
him learn how to modify his behaviors, emotions, and thoughts better. Dr.
Jimenez has been teaching and helping Mickey to assist in understanding and
identifying certain triggers that have led him to call for Nick when he would
be scared, frighten, or felt that he wouldn’t or couldn’t handle things. Mickey
has been learning how to regain a sense of control and techniques to resolves
his feelings, emotions, and has been learning how take them head on. Dr.
Jimenez has also been working with Mickey with helping him to learn how to
identify and distorted unhelpful thinking patterns and recognizes the strength
of his mind. Allowing him to grasp a better understanding of his thoughts, and
feelings that have taken control over him before in the past; leading for him
to have Nick come out to deal with situations for him. 
 
 
Helping Mickey realize he has a secure social relationship with his family was
important. Then helping him to establish a basic sense of self and acquisition
of initial sense of right and wrong was important as well.  The core
development of Mickey’s therapy was very important due to the fact that it was
disrupted within his development as a child. The vulnerability of his
development of self as far as thoughts and feelings and motives are critical
for a child at such a young age, that the capacity for shame and pride was
something Mickey didn’t realize that he viewed himself as an object. That
caused him to experience these feelings of guilt, shame, and confusion.  
 
 
It was important for Dr. Jimenez to have Mickey see that Nick was his protector
and to not be ashamed of the things he did or his feelings of being lost and
confused, when he found out things Nick did that he didn’t remember. When
Mickey told her the outburst of angry he had towards Ian and Nick, for allowing
such a thing like this to happen again. She then realized that she wanted and
needed him to see the positive in his disorder, and not just the negative of
it. Mickey needed to understand this, and have him know that it’s very
important for him to learn.  To say the least, when Dr. Jimenez put Mickey back
under hypnosis and they were able to show some progress. She was able to speak
to the younger version of Mickey and talk to him, about things that happened to
him as a child. She of course had to reassure him that he was safe to speak to
her here and that no one will hurt him.
 
 
With that being said this was a small victory but there was still a lot of work
she and Mickey had to do. When Mickey would come to from the hypnosis, he would
remember things like the time he would cry to sleep, or when he was little how
he would talk to himself when Terry would hit him. The hit’s he started to
remember a bit more and he remembered whenever his brothers and sister said he
did things, but he didn’t remember doing them. Things of what he did he
couldn’t remember, and he and Dr. Jimenez knew it was Nick’s memories. Nicks
memories that are blocked, and more secured than ever. Mickey would remember
talking to himself a lot more it seems, yet a lot of it was still a blur to
him. The concentration on trying to strengthen Mickey’s mind was getting hard,
but Mickey was fighting hard to stay out and become ready for another
integration attempt.  It had to be done, as much as he was afraid he knew it
was the only way to get better again.
 
 
As a few weeks continued to pass again; Mickey’s cognitive behavioural
treatment was going well. He was able to feel himself become grounded,
especially with the things he was remembering. However there was always that
black block of a wall that he could never get past. He was tested more on his
ability to stay ground and in control when Dr. Jimenez mentioned the video to
Mickey. About 2 months had passed and Dr. Jimenez felt it was best to mention
and informed Mickey to not be alarmed if he ends up having another episode. She
told him she wanted him to remain grounded and stay emotionally stable.
 
 
Mickey was able to control the impulsive to want to call Nick or look for him.
because when Dr. Jimenez mentioned that there was a video of what happened to
Mickey as a young child, he could feel Nick wanted to come out and intrude. He
could feel him wanting to protect him and he so much wanted to let Nick come
out and do that. He felt the need to want to not be there, and not want to deal
with the video or what was on it. He got dizzy and started to get a headache,
but he willed it away as best as he can. He really wanted not to deal with this
and let Nick deal with it. He didn’t want to deal with that video and he
refused to watch it. He told Dr. Jimenez he wanted to remember on his own, not
see what happened. He wanted her to not mention it ever again.  
 
 
And so she didn’t, she never mentioned it and never mentioned that his siblings
along with Ian saw the video and knew what was on it. She knew that if she did,
it would be the most stupidest move on her part, and she would end up just
throwing her license out that window; because a good doctor should always know
better.
 
 
Soon after this came the big test and realization that Mickey had to face, but
was avoiding. Dr. Jimenez felt it would be best for Mickey to try and interact
with Ian a bit more. The fact that Nick has a relationship with him will give
Mickey more of an insight of what Ian gives to Nick that makes him wants to
stay and be strong. She has told him this in the past, and was telling him
again that this would help him and it will help to strengthen himself as well. 
So that was how Mickey ended up picking up his phone and texting Ian; asking
him if he would come to one of Mickey’s therapy sessions. The response that he
got from Ian was one he didn’t think he read correctly. “Sure, name the place
and time and I’ll be there if you need me.” Was what he read from the text
message he got from Ian. He figured Ian wouldn’t message him back or even
acknowledge the message or tell Mickey to fuck off or some shit. But Ian
didn’t, Ian wasn’t like that. Apart of Mickey felt something he didn’t know how
to put into words. He just smiles at the text and texts Ian back.
 
 
So the appointment was set for next month, and Ian and Mickey will be seeing
each other for the first time in over 3 ½ months.
 
                                  **********
 
Mickey was home lounging around when he got a text message that made him smile.
Colt had been texting him sweet things and telling him how much he loved him.
Mickey’s face faded when he was looking through his mail and found a huge
envelope addressed to him from Ian. Mickey opens the envelope and found that it
was the divorce papers. He didn’t know what to feel. Ian did tell him once they
were drafted back up he would send them over signed. Mickey didn’t know why,
but it felt weird, he kind of felt hurt a bit. He hadn’t had any contact with
Ian except that text message he sent him a month ago and now the divorce papers
where here. Maybe Ian really did want Mickey to get better….Of course he did.
Mickey looks through the first few papers and saw Ian signed them; he didn’t
want deal with this at the moment. He went to go take a shower and get ready
for Colt to come over.
 
 
Once he’s out of the shower, Mickey gets dressed. He wore his black boots, dark
blue jeans and a black shirt with his jacket over it. Colt said he was gonna
take him out for dinner and said to dress casual. So he did.  Mickey and Colt
were trying to start over. When Mickey came back home almost 3 ½ months ago he
contacted Colt, and let him know he was okay and that he was home. Colt called
him and was telling him how much he missed him and how he tried to see him and
help, but nothing worked. Mickey apologized for it, but Colt said it was okay
not to mention it and that they can start again and try. That threw Mickey off
a bit. Mickey told Colt he needed to get himself situated again and be a whole
person, but he needed his support nothing else and just that.
 
 
So since then, all they’ve been doing is sending each other text messages,
talking over the phone sometimes, but the conversations were never long. No
more than 30 minutes. It was slow but they were making progress, so Colt
decided to ask Mickey out on a date and Mickey said yeah.
 
 
When Colt gets to Mickey’s place, he rang the bell. Mickey goes to open the
door. Colt looks good Mickey thought to himself and smiles when Colt gives
Mickey a chocolate bar.  Colt steps in and kisses Mickey and Mickey kisses him
back. “Ready to go?” Colt asked
 
 
“Yeah” Mickey says and both men were out the door.
 
 
Dinner was nice pretty good. Colt took Mickey out to a nice restaurant where
they ate and walked around after words. When they make it back to Mickey place,
Mickey wanted to tell Colt to go home, but he didn’t. He wanted to take things
slow and work their way back up. Plus he couldn’t help but think of everything
that happened.  However against his better judgement Mickey let Colt in. He
grabs a bottle of water for him and Colt and they make their way to the sala.
On the coffee table were a bunch of papers and Colt notice the divorce papers
on top, and without permission he picks it up and looks at it.
 
 
Colt makes a face. “I thought you signed them and mailed these out to this
guy.” Colt says to Mickey curious as to what Mickey would say.
 
 
Mickey looks at Colt and saw what he is holding; he grabs the papers and places
them back on the coffee table. “I did, but Nick found them and destroyed them,
so Ian went ahead and got the papers drafted again, and I got them today. I
looked through it, but he forgot to sign like two pages, which are easily
missed. So I’m just gonna sign them again, and have him sign it then file them.
Simple as that really.” Mickey says not really wanting to discuss the subject
of Ian or the papers.
 
 
Colt snorts and sat back on the couch. “Are you sure he’s gonna sign the papers
and send them in, I mean is in love with Nick and will try to hold out any
fucking hope he’s got….Feel bad for the guy honestly.” Colt says sounding
mockingly and arrogant. 
 
 
Mickey takes a sip of his drink and looks at Colt, and turns his body. “Well I
feel bad that I have to be the one to break someone heart.” Mickey says
sounding sad. “You on the other….I didn’t see feeling bad for him.” Mickey says
in a tone of sarcasm. Someone heartache really wasn’t something to mock at, let
alone be felt by anyone.
 
 
“Well yeah I do…I mean come on, he fell in love with someone who is created for
you, and not you Mick. It’s just sad that’s all. Plus like I said, I’m sure he
probably didn’t sign those two pages on purpose so that he can try and see you
again and maybe cause Nick to come out.” Colt says to Mickey. Mickey gives him
a face. “Oh come on, don’t look at me like that okay. You know a part of you
probably thinks that anyway.” Cold says again.
 
 
“Actually no I didn’t; and like I said. Where he has to sign at can easily be
missed, because I almost missed it…Plus Ian doesn’t seem to be a person like
that okay….And I’m gonna see him anyways tomorrow and bring this with me so he
can sign it.” Mickey says now.
 
 
Colt snaps his head to look at Mickey. “What!? Why are you going to see him
for?” Colt says getting defensive.
 
 
Mickey sighs before he spoke. “Because he’s going to one of my session;
Charlene thinks it would be a good thing, and plus I get to know more about
Nick and it helps. I need to be healthy again mentally, and the more I feel
Nick wanting to come out, the more I have to fight. I didn’t listen to her in
the past about trying to get to know Nick from Ian. I tried and-I mean I got to
know a few things and me and him…We’re completely different, I didn’t know he
can’t cook, but I can. He’s left handed, I’m right handed. He can draw and
paint and I can’t Colt…..I want to know why I have to fight with myself so much
to stay in control. And Ian can give me insights about Nick that I’m not able
to get.” Mickey says looking at Colt to see his reacting
 
 
Colt to say the least is not excited to hear that Mickey is going to see Ian,
and that he was going to one of his therapy session. Colt didn’t even go to one
of Mickey’s session because Mickey felt it was best he do this on his own. Plus
technically they weren’t together. He didn’t know what they were. It got Colt
upset, not to mention what if Nick comes back out. All this work Colt did to
get back into Mickey’s life would have been for nothing. He wasn’t comfortable
with this and it showed on his face. So Colt did what he thought would be
best.  He leans in and kisses Mickey and lies when he says “Okay…It’s cool, as
long as you get what you need.” What Mickey didn’t know that Colt had a plan
all on his own, which was to make sure Ian would never be around Mickey
again.                             
 
 
They stood there watching a movie on TV for a while and were cuddling with each
other. Colt was running his hands thought Mickey’s hair and Mickey like it.
Colt gets up and holds his hand out, so that Mickey would take it, which he
did.
 
 
“What are you doing Colt?” Mickey asked curiously
 
 
Colt turns around and takes Mickey face into his hands and says “I love you
Mick.”
 
 
“Colt…I” Mickey tries to say it but Colt leans in and kisses him, pushing him
up against the wall. And Mickey turns them around from the wall and is still
kissing Colt back. It had been months since Mickey been with anyone and yeah 23
½ years old now, he had needs and was horny.  When they both stop kissing one
another Mickey starts to walk backwards holding Colts hand guiding him into his
room. Once the back of Mickey’s legs hit the bed, they kiss again and Mickey
takes Colt’s shirt off and they continue to kiss.
 
 
Colt pulls slightly away from Mickey and kisses his neck. Mickey’s eyes closes
from the sensation. Colt bites and sucks on his neck leaving a nice mark on
him. That makes Mickey moan slightly, he brings his right hand up into Colt’s
hairs and Colt continues to kiss his neck. All at the same times as Colt undoes
Mickey’s pants and they fall to the floor.  Colt kisses Mickey again slowly and
soft as he removes Mickey’s shirt. Mickey is laying down on the bed as Colt
makes his way slowly down to his boxers removing them swiftly. Colt takes
Mickey’s thick length into his mouth and begins to suck on the tip of his cock.
Mickey is gripping the sheets on the bed, then he felt something cold near his
entrance. He didn’t even know when Colt went ahead and got the lube, but he
did. Colt slips one finger into Mickey as he keep bobbing and sucking Mickey
off. Then there is a second finger and Colt keep fingering Mickey deep and
rough. Mickey is panting hard and he is starting to feel his stomach tingle as
Colt keeps hitting him in his sweet spot over and over again while sucking him
off.
 
 
Colt removes his fingers from inside of Mickey and Mickey protested against
that. Colt then gets up and straddles Mickey and kisses him hard as he lowers
himself onto Mickey. Mickey looks up at Colt confused because he didn’t prep
Colt and knew that shit would hurt. But Mickey didn’t care at that moment as
Colt was lowering himself down on to him, because the warmth felt so good. Then
Colt starts to move up and down on Mickey. Mickey brought his hands to Colt
hips and trusts up hard into him. Making Colt yell out Mickey’s name, Mickey
kept doing this until Colt slows him down and kisses him. Colt gets up off of
Mickey and turns around and again lowering himself back on Mickey doing it
reverses style now. Mickey threw his head back as Colt started to ride Mickey
reverse style and was finger Mickey at the same time.
 
 
Mickey was at lost for words and he kept mutter things and biting his bottom
lip at the double stimulation he was getting. Colt was riding him harder and
fingering him deep inside hitting the good places inside of Mickey. Just then
Mickey came inside of Colt and Colt road out Mickey’s orgasm and was cumming as
well moments later.
 
 
After both men were able to catch their breaths, Colt rolls over on his side
and looks at Mickey and smiles “Amazing huh…feels so nice to be here with you
again.” Colt says to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey looks over at him and smiles. “Yeah” and kisses Colt again while
mumbling out “I’ve missed you so much.” Still kissing Colt, then Colt pushes
Mickey down onto the bed and climbs on top of him again.
 
 
“Oh yeah…Then don’t leave me again” Colt says to Mickey. “You know if someone
would have told me today ‘Colt you’re gonna get Mickey back today after
everything’ you know I would have told them that they were crazy right…I’ve
missed you Mick.” Colt says looking into Mickey’s eyes.
 
 
Mickey didn’t know what to say to that. He wasn’t expecting to have Colt think
they were together. But he did wanted them to try at least, but he needed him
more for support than anything. He wondered if he was being selfish, he most
likely is being selfish. And yeah he did tell Colt he missed him, because he
did, well he does, or whatever. Mickey misses having someone sleep with him in
bed, he misses sex, he misses going to someone to talk to, he missing something
and he just doesn't know what it is. How things were before Mickey wanted that
back somehow but then again he didn’t. Where things good before? Were they
happy, was he happy? He didn’t really know. But….Being a in a relationship now
was too much for Mickey at the moment. Which is why he had no idea why he said
what he said next; “I know…I’m not fully back you know…Therapy is going better,
and shits getting done…I mean life for us got messy right? Like really, really
messy, and…(Mickey looks at his left hand and sees he still wearing the ring,
but doesn’t linger on it) Me and you we still have a lot to work out, but…I
can’t really do a relationship when I’m not better yet Colt”
 
 
Colt sits up and his face is unreadable to Mickey. “Mickey we’re in this
together right? As long as we try and work it out things should be okay. I
think we’ll be okay.” Colt says and then he looks at Mickey from where he is
laying “Don’t you think?” Colt starts off saying. “I do think we can work
through it, but we need to be together so that way we’re more stronger.
Separated we’re not as strong.” Colt tells Mickey.
 
 
Mickey looks at Colt now confused but didn’t say any; because that’s not what
he thought at all. Mickey wanted to be strong on his own because he need to be
strong on his own…”Yeah” Mickey says and Colt kisses him again and goes to
clean up.
 
 
When Mickey hears the shower turns on and know Colts nowhere near him. Mickey
turns to his side and has a small smile on his face, but then it fades. “I have
to learn love him…he’s been with me for so long…I owe him that much. Ian loves
Nick not me. Yeah, he doesn’t really love me, only Nick….fuck maybe together we
are more strong right?” Mickey says to himself, but then his mind went back
thinking of everything. He closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep.
 
                                **************
 
 
Mickey woke tired, he didn’t get much sleep last night, since him and Colt had
like 3 other rounds of sex when Colt got out the showers waking Mickey up. 
Getting up he felt his back cold, he turns around and saw he was alone. He gets
up from the bed and sees a letter from Colt saying he had to go because his job
called him in, and that he will see him later on. Mickey goes into the bathroom
and turns the shower on. He looks in the mirror and sees that Colt had marked
his neck, and he wasn’t too happy about that. He tries to take a bottle cap and
press down on it and try to remove it, but that didn’t work
 
 
“That’s not gonna work you stupid fuck.” Mickey hears and turns around to see
Nick standing there.
 
 
“How the fuck are you here?” Mickey says to Nick.
 
 
“Really Mick? God you really must be fuckin smart dumbass. I’m in here
remember?” Nick says pointing to his head.
 
 
 
“No I mean…you need to leave like now…go away I don’t need you.” Mickey says to
Nick.
 
 
“Oh you need me…you still need me…See I’ve just been buying by my time in here
waiting for you to fuck up and call for me….See it almost happened.” Nick says
humorously to Mickey. “Last night you know it did when you were fuckin that
moron; which to say that at least that says something about you and him, if you
know what I mean. Aaaannnd, that other time when Charlene told us about the
Video.” Nick says grinning at Mickey
 
 
“I don’t need you, I’m gonna remember everything and I’m not gonna need you to
protect me anymore!” Mickey shouts at Nick.
 
 
“Yeah you are…and do you wanna know why Mickeeeey. Because. I’m the one who
deals with all your fuck ups. I’m the one who’s called on for, the only one you
can rely on when shit hits the fan and gets to fuckin real for yah ass! ME MICK
ME!” Nick says walking up more towards Mickey, but it appears that Mickey
wasn’t going to let Nick win this time. “I know you feel like shit…you’re
scared of learning the truth and don’t deny it. I know. And remember, I know
everything that goes on in our pretty little head of ours.” Nick says taunting
Mickey
 
 
“So what if I am?” Mickey admitted to Nick. “What if I’m scared.”
 
 
Nick sighs and shrugs his shoulders at Mickey. “Then like always, I come in!
You know that I do. No matter what Mick I have you, but you see, you took away
my happiness so I should just live my life and fuck yours…All you do is go back
to the same bullshit all over again. You don’t fuckin learn do you? Hence last
night with dick breath.”Nick says walking away from Mickey and turning around
to face him again as he leans on the bathroom sink.
 
 
“No fuck you! Last night happened because I wanted it to happen. Before you
fucked up my life, me and Colt were okay. We weren’t prefect or great, but we
were okay! Then you fucking get yourself involved with Ian, who by the way is
the only one who’s gonna get hurt at the end…And that because of you!” Mickey
says to Nick and is clearly upset at Nick.
 
 
Nick sees this and smiles at Mickey at he speaks. “Why do you care? He’s my
husband, not to mention I do things for you; for a reason you dumb ass. Ian is
good for us, not Colt. How much you wanna bet the only reason why he slept with
you and marked us up pretty good was because he wants to throw it in Ian’s
face.”Nick says and raises his eye brows up at Mickey. You’re a fuckin idiot
Mikhailo, Colt an evil, conniving, fuckin selfish prick who just wants to
control you! Who wants to make sure that he’s happy and fuck all if you are?”
Nick says.
 
 
“You know what Nick you’re just mad that once this is done, me and you will be
as one. And that you won’t have Ian in your life. You’re selfish and conniving
and you don’t deserve him or anything!” Mickey yells back at Nick.
 
 
Nick looks at Mickey likes he has two heads on his body. His eyes are wide and
Nick appears to be both hurt and shocked at the same time. “Excuse fucking me!
I-I’m selfish…”If looks could kill, Nick would have killed them right now,
because the look he’s giving Mickey even gives Mickey a cold shiver down his
back.“You know what Mick, when you call for me next time…I won’t come. I’ll let
you deal with it. You’ll see just how selfish I really am. You forget the
reason I was created was to make sure no one ever hurt us. And if, and when
they did I handled it because that’s always been my job! So Yeah Mickey, Yeah
I’m fucking selfish right!” Nick yells at Mickey.
 
 
 
 
Nick yelling makes Mickeys head hurt, but he’s standing his ground with Nick.
“Well I don’t need you anymore…I have to do this on my own. You have to help me
so we can be a whole person. So I can be healthy again. You say you’rr here to
protect me well I want to fight I don’t need your protection. It’s being
fucking selfish if you just want to be out and not help me get me back together
up here” Mickey says pointing at his head.
 
 
Nick shakes his head has he spoke “Nah….You can handle it now on your
own….Remember? I’m the selfish one. Just remember this…You can’t learn to love
someone Mickey, you just fuckin do and watch Colt hurt you anyways. But I won’t
be around to deal with it…Nah, now you deal with all of it and protect yourself
from now on, because I won’t. And fuck you if you think your gonna remember
anything. Because again…I’m selfish right but then again during your fucking
therapy little Mikhailo came out right? Who do you think helped him come out
and talk and told him to let you remember a few things” Nick says raising his
eye brows up to Mickey. And before Mickey can reply Nick disappeared.
 
 
Mickey just stands in his bathroom thinking over what Nick said.  “Nick…..NICK!
He shouts for him, calling for him to ask what he meant about that. “Fuck”
Mickey says and hops in the shower and gets ready for his day to see Ian and
Charlene. However he needed to speak to Charlene now, so he called her and she
told him to come in now and so he did.
 
                          **************************
 
Mickey walks in Dr. Jimenez room in the quickness and felt a rush of relief
that Ian wasn’t there yet.  Charlene sees Mickey’s face and observed his body
language before she spoke. “Mickey what’s wrong? Tell me what happened?” She
asked
 
 
“Nick” he blurs out, when Dr. Jimenez gestures for him to go on he did. “I saw
him this morning before I got ready….He ah-he came out of nowhere and then he
went on about always me needing him and then, that he was just waiting for me
to slip or some shit. Then the topic of Colt came up again because me and him
spent the night together.”
 
 
“You spend the night with Colt?” she asked shockingly. Mickey nods and knows
why she is surprised at that news. He mentioned to her that he didn’t want to
get involved with no one right now, because it would complicate things. But
last night happened and him and Colt are trying to work shit out now, plus he
was horny to but that’s beside the point… Or at least he kept telling himself
this.
 
 
“Yeah…we decided to work thing out, take it slow…but I don’t know now.” Mickey
says to her.
 
 
“Why do you say that you don’t know?” She asked
 
 
“Because of what Nick said to me.” Mickey says and looks at Charlene. “He said
that Colt was a selfish conniving prick who only wants himself to be happy and
can give all fucks about me. And that the only reason why he slept with me last
night was to manipulate me and marked me up so that Ian would see and taunt him
about it. Then he went onto saying that all he wants to do is control me, but
that’s not Colt okay. And yeah maybe in the past he was an asshole, and he can
be a prick, but he’s trying now. He gets that I have a disorder, he gets now
that I’m not a whole person yet and he gets that I’m trying to get better and
that….That I want to be me again…whoever the fuck that is” Mickey tells her.
 
 
Charlene looks at Mickey and sits back as she talks to him. “Mickey…did you
want or do you want to be with Colt now, or Later on?  Also do you feel he has
changed and if so, don’t you think he’s willing to wait? For when you do get
better.” When Mickey didn’t answer she spoke again “I say this because you were
very clear and I mean very clear about you not being in a relationship with
Colt until you were 100 percent you and 100 percent sure about things…So what
do you want Mickey? Do you want to be with Colt or not?” Charlene asked
Mickey. 
 
 
Mickey sits back on the sofa in her office room and sighs. He shrugs his
shoulders as he response to her question. “I don’t know?” was all that Mickey
said. “I mean he loves me, and shit he still wants to be with me after all the
shit I’ve done and….Fuck I don’t know I think so.” Mickey says to her.
 
 
“Mickey there’s no I don’t know’s or I think so’s Okay. So if you want to be
with him it’s either a yes or a no. Which brings me to my next question of why
are you letting Nick’s words get to you?” Charlene asked him.
 
 
Mickey tries to sit down more on the chair than he already is and looks up at
Charlene. “Because a part of me feels….feels that what he says is true and I
don’t want that to be true…I can learn to love Colt, I’m not in love with Colt,
that much I do know….because I know. I don’t get those feelings of having to
see him or wanting to see him all the time. I don’t know what to feel or how
I’m supposed to feel because I don’t know what love is. I try to see myself
with him years down the road and I can’t, I don’t get those butterfly feelings
people say they get. But I do care for him so I can learn to love him. So it’s
like I know it’s wrong even but…Then with the thing with Ian.” Mickey says and
then just put his hands to his face.
 
 
“Do you not want him to come today, because we can reschedule?” Charlene asks
Mickey.
 
 
“No-no. I don’t know mind him being here to today. This has to happen. It’s
just that…..” Mickey still hadn’t told anyone about that night he came back.
How he was in bed with Ian and how towards the end of the sex it was him and
not Nick. Ian had no idea that he was kissing him and not Nick. Mickey didn’t
want to tell anyone, but know?
 
 
“Just want Mickey?” she asked looking at him dead on so he can continue on
talking.
 
 
Mickey looks at Charlene then back down at the ground. “The night I – I came
back as me…I was in bed with Ian…He was having sex with Nick. Only…it wasn’t
Nick at one point it was me…I didn’t stop him, I actually kissed him and then
the rest is history.” Mickey says quietly.
 
 
“So you and Ian had brief sex and how do you feel about that?” She asked him
again hoping he wouldn’t shut down.
 
 
Mickey looks at Charlene and is nervous. He’s scared and afraid because he
didn’t know what to feel about it. So he gave her the honest truth, because who
else could he tell this to. “I don’t know? And I know that’s not an answer but
I really don’t. It’s like I’m conflicted at what to feel.”
 
 
“Well, it seems to me you have to figure it out first. Does Ian know that it
was you and not Nick at one point during sex when you came back out?” She asked
 
 
“NO!” Mickey says instantly. “And I don’t want him to know. I don’t want him to
feel bad for something he didn’t know was happening….Plus he might think he
somehow was forcing me or something and that not the case here.” Mickey says to
her.
 
 
“So then what is the case here? You said he might think that this was him
forcing you, but how would you know unless you felt like he was forcing you?”
Charlene said to Mickey more than asking.
 
 
“No trust me he wasn’t…I kissed him. It felt good, but then when I was done-
I mean when we were done….and he was sleeping…. I felt dirty…Like I did
something wrong.” Mickey says looking down at his hands playing with them.
 
 
Charlene gets up and sits next to Mickey making him look at her “Mickey” She
says “You shouldn’t feel dirty. We as humans have needs just like animals who
want to have sex. You honestly were caught up in the moment. That’s fine; it
can be that you feel this way, because you know Ian was having sex with Nick
and not you? It can be the guilt you have felt for breaking Ian’s heart…there’s
nothing wrong with what happen Mickey.”
 
 
“You know what Nick told me…he said that whenever I need him he won’t answer…I
called him selfish and…fuck” Mickey says, and he’s feeling overwhelmed.
 
 
“Why do you think you call him selfish for?” Charlene asked
 
 
“Because we were talking about Colt and then things got out of hand and he call
Colt all these names and then…I called him selfish. Then he got mad at me and
said that once shit hits the fan that I’m gonna know that he’s not the selfish
one. Then he even said that Ian is good for us, that Colt just horrible.”
Mickey says to her looking away and slouching down more onto the sofa Charlene
had in her room.
 
 
“Mickey, the one thing I can tell you is that this is gonna be a bumpy ride for
you. But honestly if you don’t want to be with anyone right now…you need to
tell Colt and he need to respect what you want. Same with Ian.  You need to
stick to your guns just like you did with Nick. You need to continue to control
yourself and keep yourself grounded like you did with Nick, which I am very
proud of you by the way. However I feel that until you’re better and you feel
that you can figure shit out after your integrated, then you do whatever the
fuck you want. But now this is about you. If Colt has changed in any way that
you say he has, then he will be okay with this. Plus I am sure Ian will as
well. Again do you feel it’s best to be in a relationship now, or do you want
to just have the support system you need like you originally wanted?”
 
 
Mickey nodded his head and sits up. “I need support more than anything. I don’t
need to be in a relationship right now. If there’s any relationship I need to
be in, then it’s with me and only me. Yeah…you’re right. It’s just-I feel like
I keep fucking up hurting people. Like, like I’m some kind of fucked up person
here to ruin every ones lives or some shit.” Mickey says lowly
 
 
“Mickey you’re not…don’t let what Nick said to you effect you, you got that.
We’ve come a long fucking way, and I’ll be damn anyone tries to reverse your
processes in any way.” Charlene says to Mickey which made him smile at her. She
was right; he has come a long way, so he wasn’t going to let no one stand in
his way. Not when he was closer to when he was over a year ago.
 
                                 ************
                                        
It was 11:50 am; Ian is supposed to arrive by 12pm so they can start the
session. Mickey is nervous, he trying not to let what Nick said get to him.
Because Charlene was right, he couldn’t afford for Nick to come in and fuck up
his progress and he definitely need to talk to Colt and let him know. It seemed
like the only person who was doing what he asked for them to do was Ian. Ian
was staying away giving Mickey his space and not trying to get Nick to come
back out. Ian signed the divorce papers and mailed to him.  Ian wanted him to
get better, and didn’t blame him or anything. There was a knock on the door and
Mickey turns to look at Charlene. She gets up and walks to the door.
 
 
“Hi Mr. Gallagher, remember me I’m Dr. Charlene Jimenez.” She says putting out
her hand to shake his hand.
 
 
Ian shook Dr. Jimenez hand and walks in as he talks to her. “Of course I
remember you Doctor, and please call me Ian. It’s bad enough I get called
Officer Gallagher at work all that time.” Ian says with a smile on his face.
The smile he gives can fool anyone, but for some reason Mickey knew he was just
playing it off. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, and it wasn’t a real smile at
all.
 
Ian walks further in the office following Dr. Jimenez and sees Mickey sitting
on the sofa “Hey Mick” Ian says to Mickey with a smile on his face and Mickey
smiles back. “How are you doing?” Ian knew how Mickey was doing because of what
Mandy told him, but he still wanted to know for himself. Rather he wanted
Mickey to tell him, himself.
 
 
“Hey Ian….ah I’m fine. Just you know therapy and shit, sometimes I go to the
garage and work when I don’t have shit to do or just rather be alone.” Mickey
says nervously and he is shaking his leg now. Mickey and Ian hadn’t contacted
or seen each other in almost 4 months so now he felt like a stupid fucking
little scared girl and for what? This was Ian.
 
 
“That good! Keeping yourself busy.” Ian tells him.
 
 
“Yeah…so what about you?” Mickey asked
 
 
“Can I sit” Ian asked and Dr. Jimenez nods yes, but he waits for Mickey to say
yes. Mickey just nods his head so Ian sat down away from him on the opposite
end. “Um things are okay, work mostly, I’ve been thinking about seeing if I can
get a transfer to different department or study to be a detective, but I don’t
know yet.” Ian says looking away playing with his hands. He was nervous to, to
see Mickey that is.
 
 
Mickey nods his head and was going to say something, but it was Charlene who
spoke first. “Okay Ian so the reason why you’re here is because I felt it would
be a good thing for Mickey to get to know Nick much better. See what makes him
strong so to speak, and have Mickey understand his alter a little more better.
So that when we’re able to start another integration process, Mickey is more
ready than he was before.” She said to Ian.
 
 
“Um okay sure, what you wanna know?” Ian asked looking at Mickey
 
 
“Well I want to know more about him. I remember when you were talking about him
and I found these things out about myself that I didn’t know I did. I want to
know what he’s afraid of, if he is afraid of anything. I wanna know what makes
him strong and I wanna know what makes him tick, or happy or…just him who he
is…well more like who I am.” Mickey says to Ian.
 
 
Ian sits back and thought about it for a few seconds and had a small smile on
his face “Well I can tell you Nick is stubborn, he’s amazing really. His
biggest fear I can tell you is being gone, alone and not wanted, nor needed.
No-one to remember him, or think of him. He wants to exist and he’s afraid he
will just vanish away, like he’s nothing. What makes him tick well; I found
that out the hard way.” Ian says looking down and looks towards Charlene as to
give her a silent message.
 
 
“What you mean?” Mickey asked
 
 
“Well he started acting different. More than usually and I end up calling Dr.
Jimenez and setting up an appointment….When he found out because I told him
about it…let just say he almost left me. Nick doesn’t like being help from
anyone outside of his circle. That pisses him off.” Ian says looking at Mickey
 
 
“Wait so you called Charlene and he got mad at you…when was this?” Mickey asked
looking at Dr. Jimenez
 
 
“A few months back, before you came back.” She says to Mickey
 
 
“Well what was he doing that was weird?” Mickey then turned to ask Ian.
 
 
Ian looks at Dr. Jimenez to see if he should say what happened. She nods her
head giving Ian the green light, so Ian goes ahead and starts to talk, but he
knew to be careful of what to say. “There were times where he would cry in his
sleep, sometimes yell. Other times he would sleep walk and he would be under
the bed as if he was hiding. He would cry, sometimes I notice he would triple
check to make sure our doors were locked or that Debbie was okay. He sometimes
would have random attitudes and…sometimes he would get cold and push me away
but I would fight with him. So when I mentioned about Dr. Jimenez and I went
behind his back and made the appointment, let’s just it wasn’t pretty.” Ian
says to Mickey
 
 
“Did he tell you? I mean did he tell you why he did that?” Mickey asked Ian
 
 
Ian didn’t know what to say, he definitely didn’t want to say the wrong thing
and fuck shit up for Mickey. But he didn’t want to lie Mickey as well. Ian
looks to Dr. Jimenez, they had talked earlier in regards to what Ian should
tell Mickey. She nods her head at Ian and so Ian looks back at Mickey and
speaks. “Yeah, he told me…but I’m in no place to tell you. We got into a heavy
argument and it was the first time he opened up to me. But I was hurt because I
made him emotional. He cried and….I never wanted to do that to him, make him
relive what happened. But he said it was his job, and that he had to protect
you from everyone, that was even including me as well.” Ian says to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey nods his head and looks at his doctor then back at Ian. “Tell me the
truth?...Is it bad? Like really, really bad?” Mickey asked Ian, and Ian nods
his head yes. Mickey wanted to throw up right then and there, “Okay…” He says
as he shakes his right leg. He’s looking all over the place trying to picture
things and put them together. He wanted to cry because what else can he do. How
bad is it that he literally at to create someone to help him cope with his
shit. 
 
 
Mickey didn’t notice but Ian was right next to him rubbing his back telling him
he was sorry and that he was going to be okay. He felt Ian’s hands on his face
“Mickey it’s gonna be okay don’t worry about it, you’re gonna be fine Mick.”
Ian says softly to Mickey as he is holding his face to looking at him. But
Mickey didn’t want that, so he pushed Ian’s hands away and gets up. Ian
flinches at Mickey’s responds “I’m sorry.” Ian says and gets up from his seat.
“I should be going anyway…I have to um… I have to go get my sister and then
work.” Was all Ian said and turns around and goes towards the door.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez stood up as well and walks towards Ian before he could leave “Okay,
but are you okay?” She asked him she was concerned for him as well because this
had to be hard on him.
 
 
Ian smiles at her and held in his tears, “Yeah-no I’m fine. I just have to go.”
Ian says and then turns to Mickey. “I’m sorry again.” Ian says and walks out
the door quickly before Mickey could respond.
 
 
Mickey looks at Dr. Jimenez and then back down at the sofa he and Ian were just
sitting on. He felt fucked up for just brutally pushing Ian away like that. He
knows he was just trying to help, but he didn’t want comforting right now.
 
 
“You okay Mick?” Was all Dr. Jimenez asked. Mickey nods his head yes. “Okay
well you can go home if you want. Just remember to relax, take it easy, and
write down what you remember and how you’re feeling okay. But remember the
things I taught you and what we’ve been doing….alright?” She tells Mickey.
 
 
“Okay” Mickey says and walks out of her office and into the parking lot.
Shortly after leaving the office he comes to a stop while in the parking lot
when he sees Ian and Colt talking. Why was Colt here? He didn’t ask him to come
get him or anything like that? And he sure as hell did tell him to what time he
had therapy. For some reason Mickey decided to not let his presences be known
and just walk over to them silently to hear him them talk.
 
 
Ian had walked out of the Dr. Jimenez office; shit was too much to bare and he
knew he should have told Mickey he couldn’t come today. Why did he agree to
that? Oh yeah because it was the right thing to do.  Ian really didn’t have
anything to do today. Debbie didn’t need to be picked up from anywhere and he
was off from work today. What he didn’t expect was to bump into Colt when he
left Dr. Jimenez off.
 
 
Colt walks up to Ian and stops right in front of him. “So you’re here?”
 
 
Ian rolls his eyes at Colt. “Yeah, what you’d want?” Ian spats out at Colt.
 
 
“Oh nothing….just came to pick up my boyfriend is all? You know me a Mickey got
back together last night. I mean we were together just we had a few mishaps
here and there. What with Nick and you being in the way.” Colt says bitterly to
Ian.
 
 
Ian shakes his head and processes to walk away. “I don’t have time for your
shit.” Was all he said, but Colt stops him again and steps right in front of
him again. Ian stops and looks at Colt like he was crazy “What do you want!?”
Ian spats out again and this time he’s even more annoyed.
 
 
Colt smirks. “I want gloat….I want to make sure Mickey is Mickey and not Nick
any more. See once he’s fully integrated you can be gone for good. Out of our
lives forever Ian; but do you know what I want you to see and understand is
that it’s always been me. You never stood a chance with him. Somewhere in that
brain of yours, you thought that you were gonna be happily ever fucking after
with my boyfriend! How can you possibly fall in love with someone who isn’t
really? ……God you’re pathetic.” Colt says to Ian smiling at him.
 
 
The way Ian looks at Colt now was as if looks could kill. Colt would’ve been
dead once he first started talking, but that wasn’t Ian. Ian clenches his fist
and shook his head. “Fuck. You.” Was all Ian said and pushes Colt out of his
way; Colt almost fell back from Ian’s hard push but he didn’t care because like
he said, he felt like he won.
 
 
However what Colt didn’t know was that Mickey saw everything and over heard it
all.  Mickey sees Colt leave in his car and drive off. He wasn’t here to see
Mickey or pick him up, he as there to taunt Ian. Mickey turns around and goes
to his car. But before he gets in his car, he sees Ian was still in the parking
lot smoking blunt. He didn’t know if it would be good idea or not to go him.
But he does anyway. “I thought cops aren’t allowed to smoke that stuff?” Mickey
says walking towards Ian. Ian turns to looks at him. He then makes a face and
turns back around trying to ignore Mickey. It didn’t go unnoticed to Mickey
 
 
“We’re not.” Ian says dryly to Mickey. “But I haven’t had one of these in a
long time so I’m overdue. It’s either this or drinking and I can drink and
drive, I’m still a cop.” Ian says not looking at Mickey.
 
 
After a few moments Mickey speaks. “Hey ah about what happened back there in
the office I-ah….you okay man?” He asked, and Mickey knew it was a stupid
question to ask, but he wanted to see if Ian would tell him. If not he would
just leave.
 
 
A few tears left Ian’s face and he turns quickly away from Mickey to answer
“Yeah! Yeah I’m fine and what not!” Was all he said. His voice breaking a bit
and then Ian turns too look at Mickey when he felt his eyes dried up a little.
 
 
Unfortunately for Ian, Mickey saw his eyes slightly red and he called bullshit
“You know you’re a fucking horrible liar right?” Mickey says to him and Ian
smiles at him.
 
 
“Oh yeah how so?” Ian asked
 
 
“Because I just know...I mean –“ Mickey was trying to say but then Ian cut him
off
 
 
“You back with Colt?” Ian blurts out.
 
 
Mickey wasn’t taken back by the question Ian asked him. After what he overheard
Colt and him talking, he figured Ian might ask. “No and yeah…I mean yeah, but
not really.” Mickey says. Ian looks at him with confusion, and Mickey goes
ahead and continues to talk. “Last night, I don’t know what happened really but
he like assumed we were together again. I just didn’t correct him and I don’t
know why I didn’t.” Mickey says while playing with his finger nails.
 
 
Ian got off the hood of the car he was leaning on quickly. “Yeah well good luck
with that!” Ian snaps and turns to walk away but was stops by Mickey.
 
 
Mickey grabs Ian by the arm and Ian stops and looks at Mickey. “Ian?”
 
 
“What?....What it is Mickey? What else do you want from me?” Ian says coldly to
Mickey. He had to start to try and let Nick go and this is how he is going to
do it.
 
 
Now Mickey is taken back a little from the way Ian spoke to him, but understood
none the less. “I’m sorry.” Was all Mickey said “I’m so fucking sorry.”
 
 
Ian just nods his head. “Do me a favor Mickey, and stop fucking apologizing
because it’s getting fucking old!” and walks away getting in his car driving
off. Mickey didn’t need to know that Ian let out his tears as he drove away.
Mickey definitely didn’t need to know what Ian’s next move was, because well in
a way it was none of his business anymore.
 
 
After Ian left Mickey stood at the parking lot for a few moments; he felt
horrible and new he shouldn’t. Maybe he should disappear and be gone? He
thought to himself. He felt and thought it would make shit so much easier.
Mickey dug is nails into his wrist and exhaled in relieve when he puncher his
skin. He then turns to get into his car. He took a deep breath in and exhaled
it out. He drove home and before he got out of his car, he texts Ian ‘don’t
hate me please’ was all he wrote. Ian didn’t respond to him and Mickey for some
reason knew he wouldn’t but in a way hoped he would.
 
 
Mickey goes upstairs to his loft apartment. When he gets up there he sees that
Colt is waiting for him.  Mickey was annoyed and pissed off at Colt for what he
did, and he was even more upset for being somewhat manipulated in away. But
even Colt should have known better, even when Mickey told Colt he wasn’t ready
for a relationship and needed to focus on him. Mickey fucked up by even
thinking Colt cared enough or changed a little. ‘Why do I keep messing things
up? Why do I keep falling of the same bullshit and not stand up for what I want
for once?’ Mickey thought to himself more.
 
 
“What’d you want Colt?” Mickey says dryly to Colt as he is walking towards his
door where Colt is at.
 
 
“I just wanted to spend some time with you baby, you know have some us time.
It’s been awhile” Colt says to Mickey wrapping his arms around him.
 
 
Mickey steps out of Colts hold, and looks at him. “No! There’s no us okay! I
told you, I have to get my shit together. We have to work on us I get that, but
I have to work on me first before I can get to me and you. Which right now I
don’t see happening.” Mickey says to Colt without blinking an eye.
 
 
Colt is dumb founded by Mickey’s outburst. “Baby what’s wrong? Why are you so
pissed?”
 
 
“Why Colt? You wanna know why!? Because I told you what I needed and apparently
you don’t get it! You have to wait, you have to give me my space and let me get
better. I need you to wait…If you can’t then leave. Me and you, we can’t be
together until I’m well! I can’t be with no one until I’m better….Don’t you get
that?” Mickey says to Colt.
 
 
“So what I can be with you? Mickey I thought we…You know you come back from
therapy and you’re all riled up and-” Colt started to say but Mickey cuts him
right off.
 
 
“No you didn’t think, just like you didn’t think I knew what you did earlier
today with Ian!” Mickey says with a bit of angry in his voice.
 
 
Colt is a little surprised that Mickey Knew. “What your buddy Ian told you I
bumped into him something, because whatever the fuck he said is bullshit!”
 
 
Mickey honestly can’t believe this guy right now. “No Colt! I overheard
everything… I saw how you taunted him, how you rubbed it in his face that me
and you are together when we’re not…. And no we’re not, and that’s all my was
fault. I should have never let you stay over last night, I should’ve said no to
you….And you know what? If you so call love me then you will wait till I’m
better at least. SO then we can try to work on what the fuck ever this is
anymore, but me and you.” (Mickey does a hand gesture movement between him and
Colt) “We can’t this….I can’t. For once I’m saying no, and I’m fucking sticking
to it…I need to be alone and do this. I need to be strong on my own and not
depend on anyone but me…Because in the long run Colt, it’s always gonna be me
by myself. I don’t need a boyfriend or whatever I need a friend, I need
support. Not a boyfriend.” Mickey says to Colt
 
 
Colt is silent for a moment and he’s taking in everything that was just said to
him. He nods his head at Mickey, but before he left, Colt went towards Mickeys
and looks at him. “I wasn’t thinking and I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just
Mick…he had you for so long and I was just here and there waiting for you…I
just wanted you to come back to me so we can be together and one day get
married and settle down with a house and the whole nine yards and shit.” Mickey
looks at Colt and frowns, but Colt still kept talking. “I want all of that with
you, but then when I found out Ian married you, well Nick. But still he had
you, and he had the house, and he had the dreams that were mine! I got pissed
the fuck off. I got fed up and- (Colt sighed) I got fed up and I just wanted to
make him hurt like I did.” Colt says lowering his head down looking at his
hands.
 
 
Mickey looks at Colt and he is so confused, he didn’t know what to feel, or how
to act right now. He placed his hand underneath Colts chin and makes him look
at him. “I don't know what I want or need right now okay; apart of me wants be
with you, but the other part of me just needs to be alone.” He says in a low
voice. Did I just say that? Did I really mean that? Does Mickey want to be with
Colt again? Fuck he didn't know what he wanted, but what he knows he needs now
is time to get better. “But I have to get better…you doing that and doing what
you’re doing now, isn’t making the situation better. And I don’t know how many
times I have to tell you I’m sorry, but I’m gonna stop apologizing because I
can’t do this anymore….You know, I had no idea you felt like that and for that
I am truly sorry, and that will be my last apology…. But I’m here now and I
know I’m getting stronger. It’s just if you can’t hold on and wait I get that,
and no hard feelings. But for the first time in a long time…I’m putting me
first. Not you, not Ian, not my sister, and not my brothers…me. Do you get that
at all?” Mickey says to Colt.
 
 
Colt nods his head at Mickey and looks away from Mickey. Colt leans in and
kisses Mickey. Mickey kisses back, but breaks the kiss and looks at Colt. Colt
is slightly annoyed that Mickey broke the kiss and turns away from him. With
that, Colt then left Mickey’s building storming out in a way. The slam of the
door to the stair case said it all; it left Mickey by himself to think before
he entered his apartment. A few moments later Mickey was now laying down on his
bed just thinking to himself about everything. Then he hears –
 
 
“You really believe half the shit that came out of his mouth?” Nick says to
Mickey laying down right next to him.
 
 
Mickey turns his head to look at Nick and slightly chuckles to himself. “What
are doing here?” Mickey says tiredly to Nick, and turns to look up at the
sealing.
 
 
Nick shrugs his shoulders while stilly laying down next to Mickey.“Oh
nothing…just watching that shitty ass display Colt was doing…blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah. God does he ever get tired of hearing himself talk?” Nick says
looking up at the sealing.
 
 
Mickey turns his head from looking up at the sealing and looks at Nick.
“Don’t.” Mickey sights. “Don’t you ever get tired of fucking up my life or
trying to take it?”
 
 
Nick gives Mickey a fake shocked expression. “What? Me. Nooooo. Besides I’m the
only one looking out for yah you know.” Nick says now sitting up looking at
Mickey who was still laying down.
 
 
Mickey then sits up and looks at his alter. “Oh yeah the whole you and me
verses the world or some shit?” Mickey asked Nick with a small smile on his
face.
 
 
Nicks face fell a little “Yeah something like that….. So do you really believe
in all that shit that shithead said because I know you Mickey. You can’t lie to
me remember that.” Nick says to him.
 
 
Mickey rolls his eyes at Nick and leans back against his head board. “Then you
know the answer.... Why the fuck are you here Nick? I’m not letting you out.
I’m stronger than you and so you can just-” Mickey tries to say but Nick cuts
him off.
 
 
“Oh cut the shit! You know damn well that once we start to try to integrate
again, I’m gonna be the one to come back out. You might as well be gone and
leave. You’re not going to be able to handle it Mickey!” Nick says and now he
is taunting Mickey. “You’re not gonna be able to handle the cries! The pain,
the memory of everything that happened to us; Do you wanna remember now? You
want me show you a little glimpse of the past.” Nick says with a low threaten
voice “Because I can, do you wanna remember?”
 
 
Mickey closes his eyes tight and is holding his head rocking back and forth
“Shut up! GO the fuck away! LEAVE ME ALONE!” he shouts at Nick. When he opens
his eyes, he’s alone again in the room. He rubs his eyes and just sits there
thinking about everything. He grabs the book he had on the night stand and
opens it up to a blank page and wrote
 
 
My_thoughts_kill_me_and_I_feel_more_alone_than_I_have_ever_been. _I_feel_like_I
can’t_do_anything_right._I’m_sorry_for_being_the_one_who_hurts_the_one_he
loves._I’m_sorry_I_can’t_love_you,_I’m_sorry_I_put_you_all_through_this._I’m
sorry_I’m_not_the_person_you_want_me_to_be,_I’m_sorry_you_had_to_deal_with_my
shit._I’m_mostly_sorry_for_being_such_a_burden_even_when_no_one_say_I_am,_I_see
it_in_everyone’s_eyes._I_even_see_It_in_my_eyes._I’m_sorry_I_apologies_so_much,
because_Honestly….I’m_sorry_for_being_here_and_lying_in_a_bed_all_alone_with_no
one_to_hold_or_love_me._I_know_who_I_am....Don't_I?_at_least_that's_what_I
thought,_but_now_I_don't_know_the_person_in_the_mirror_anymore.
 
 
Mickey looks down at what he wrote and sighs to himself. He thought it was
useless to write down what was in his mind. He figures it’s not his mind
really. He gets up, showers and then stands looking at himself in front of the
mirror. He traces his fingers around his arms near his wrist and puts his long
sleeve shirt on. He went straight to bed and fell instantly asleep.
 
 
************** 
 
Mickey is moving in his sleep, he is dreaming and what he is dreaming he didn’t
like at all. He was little and he was hiding again.
 
 
 
They touch him. He can’t take it; he doesn’t want this to happen to him No not
this. “Please stop” he’s begging them. The other man comes and brushes his
fingers across his chest and tell him “Don’t worry Mikhailo, remember are game
were gonna make you feel good and you’re gonna make us feel good okay.”
 
 
 
“I’m not Mikhailo, I’m Nikolai!” He shouts at them.
 
 
 
“This again kid…Whatever, get on the bed and lay down NOW!” The man says to
him. His voice was familiar. They were taking pictures of him, touching him and
having Nick pose in different ways looking at the camera. When he refuses to do
it anymore, he gets hit across the face, when he started to tear up, the belt
came down on his legs hard and he yelled while they laughed at him.
 
 
Mickey didn’t want this, he needed not to sleep anymore. He tries to get up, he
tries to force himself up, but it was like he was being held down forced to
watch. It was like this big impact of weight on him and he was afraid that he
couldn’t wake up, that this wasn’t a dream! Mickey forced himself to wake up
with everything that he could. “STOP!” he yells out, and looks around in the
room and realizes he was by himself and is sweating.
 
 
                            ***********************
 
 
Mickey had just came back from his therapy session and was at the garage now
working on a few cars for the day to distract him. He and Dr. Jimenez talked
about the dreams he was having, and about feeling trapped, and how the
nightmares made him feel trapped inside.  He didn’t feel like talking much
today, Mickey just wanted to drown himself in his work. He even turned off his
phone; especially when Colt kept texting him throughout the day. He really
didn’t want to deal with anyone. However Mandy thought differently, and as
Mickey saw her coming over towards him, he notices how pissed off she looks for
some reason.
 
 
“You’re fucking back with Colt?” She says in a low venomous voice
 
 
Mickey looks at her and gave her face and shook his head “What the fuck are you
going on about Mandy?” Mickey asked to her.
 
 
Mandy didn’t look amuse one bit “I of course was at Ian’s house a few days ago
and he came home pissed off and looking hurt.” Mandy says and now she is
walking with her hands. She always does this when she upset or excited. Mickey
chooses the latter. “Not to mention he was high, which by the way isn’t like
him. Then he so happily tells me that you and Colt are back together; so what
the fuck Mickey!?”
 
 
Mickey looks at his sister and rolls his eyes at her. “First of all okay, me
and Colt aren’t exactly back together. Ian didn’t give me a chance to explain,
he just left.” Mickey tells her.
 
 
Mandy makes a face at him “So what Colt told Ian was what then Mickey? Is it
true, not true, somewhat of what the fuck? What is it then Mick!?” Mandy asked.
It was like a 1001 fucking question with this girl.
 
 
Mickey is getting pissed off and didn’t want to deal with anything right now
but focus on fixing the car in front of him. “Mandy it’s none of your fucking
concern okay! Who I’m fucking is no one’s concern and it sure hell isn’t any of
Ian’s fucking business either. And he shouldn’t go off just fucking telling my
fucking business to just anyone.” Mickey says snapping out at her.
 
 
Mandy out of all her brother was the one who had the worse temper. “OH SO I’M
ANYBODY MICK!” She shouts at him and he glares at her as everyone in the shop
was looking at them. She turns around to the people in the shop “What the fuck
are you all looking at! Get back to fucking work!” She shouts out and then
looks back at Mickey “So I’m anyone then huh? Me. Your sister, and plus why the
fuck are you not exactly with Colt? What the fuck does that even mean Mickey!”
 
 
Mick is even more pissed now. “Fuck you Mandy! You know that’s not what I
meant; and again it’s my business not yours or any fucking body else for that
matter.” Mickey says and stormed out of the garage area and into his office
with Mandy right behind him.
 
 
“Mickey you’re making a fucking Mistake! Colt is a jerk and is only going fuck
with you and hurt you. Shit he hasn’t even been there for you and I even got
into a fight with him because of your disorder!” Mandy says to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey was getting more irritated with his sister and really wanted her to drop
it. He could have told Mandy that him and Colt weren’t together. But this was
his business, his situation and no one else’s. “Mandy! What part of mind your
fucking business do you not get!” He says to her.
 
 
Mandy shakes her head at her brother in disbelief. “You should be with Ian!
He’s better for you and-“ Mandy didn’t get a chance to finish what she was
saying, because that’s was when Mickey cut her off and blew up on her.
 
 
“Ian want Nick! I’m not fucking Nick Mandy! Plus if you want him so fucking bad
why don’t you fuck him and take him? Huh, he’ll probably be the only descent
guys you’ll ever have! You know one that won’t use you or fucking cheat on you
for once!” Mickey says to Mandy. He immediately regrets saying it, as soon as
came out of his mouth, once he sees Mandy expression. He hurt her and he didn’t
mean to do that. “Shit Mandy I didn’t mean I.”
 
 
Mandy cuts Mickey off while he is trying to apologies to her. “No Mickey you
meant it alright…and you know what? Fuck You! You wanna be with a piece of shit
by all means go right the fuck ahead. But don’t you fucking dare talk about me
and my pass like you’re so fucking perfect you prick. And don’t fucking come
looking for me when he ends up fucking up! AGAIN!” Mandy says and storms out of
office slamming the door.
 
 
Mickey stands there in silence inside of his office and was beyond pissed off.
He grabs his keys and goes to the one place he knew his problem originally came
from and is going solve it once and for all.
 
                         ****************************
 
Ian was at home resting. He had a rough day at work and just wanted to relax.
There was a shootout at one of the corners stores where he and his partner were
patrolling at. Ian was grazed in the arm; nothing big or major really in his
eyes, but his captain told him and his partner to take the next few days off
and rest. So now here is at home, in the sala reading a book drinking the shake
that he made when he hears the front door to the house open up. He’s surprised
to see that it was Mickey coming through the door and he looks upset as if
something was wrong.
 
 
Ian gets up slowly and “Hey you okay? What’s wrong Mickey, I know that look.”
Was all he says and then.
 
 
Mickey goes up to Ian and punches him in the face. Ian takes a few steps back
from the hit. “You’re what the fuck is wrong with me Ian.” Mickey says
 
 
Ian looks Mickey like he’s crazy (no pun intended). “What the fuck was that for
Mickey? What I’d do to you?” Ian shout at him.
 
 
“You’re a fucking mono man…You went ahead and told Mandy that me and Colt were
back together and she’s giving me shit for it now!" Mickey says angrily to Ian.
 
 
“Well you didn’t fucking deny it when we were in the parking lot! She your
fucking sister she can do whatever the fuck she wants. I didn’t tell her to go
and harass you okay!” Ian says to Mickey.
 
 
“You’re!... Fucking!” Mickey yells out at Ian. “You’re a prick you know that!
You didn’t even give me a fucking chance to explain, you just stormed off like
some fucking child! Now I got Mandy in my business and I sure as hell don’t
need you in my fucking business okay. Next time why don’t you let someone talk
before you storm off asshole!” Mickey says to Ian.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and is dumb founded “I’m sorry?” he says to Mickey.
 
 
“Fuck you and I’m sorry Ian. I’m done!” Mickey yells out at Ian.
 
 
“Oh fuck you Mickey okay. Your shitty asshole of whatever the fuck he is comes
to me. Tells me, no not even tells me, he fucking taunts at me that you’re back
together and you expect me to what?” Ian slash back out at Mickey. “Huh? What
the fuck do you expect from me! You expect me not to feel hurt or fucking
upset! Huh? What the fuck do you expect!?” Ian nearly shouts at Mickey.
 
 
“I expected you to be better than him and not fucking get mad at me since
that’s the only things I’m good at now a days. Making people’s lives
miserable!” Mickey says and turns away from Ian and takes a deep breathe.
 
 
Mickey goes to leave Ian’s house but then is stopped by Ian. “Wait! wait, wait
a fucking minute okay…Look don’t.” Ian sighs “Don’t leave like this okay…I am
I’m sorry okay.” Ian says and Mickey looks at him.
 
 
Mickey sighs and looks at Ian. “Ian…I just want this to be over. I just want me
to be whole again and not argue or defend myself for shit I do. I just want…”
Mickey says to Ian. He stops and looks at Ian again with pleading eyes.
 
 
“Yeah…Yeah I get that, I know what you mean… well me to you know…but-you know I
want what’s best for you and if…If being with Colt-" Ian tries to say but
Mickey cuts him off quickly.
 
 
"Ian I’m not with Colt….I can’t with anyone and me and him we have a lot to
work out anyways…But I have to focus on me, you know. So why would you think
otherwise just because he said something?” Mickey asked
 
 
Ian was quiet and looks at Mickey. “I saw the mark on your neck…So I figured
what he said was true…that maybe you…Fuck Mickey I don’t know man.” Ian sighs
and sits down on the sofa looking defeated. He winces a bit when he accidently
hit his arm.
 
 
Mickey notices Ian’s arm but doesn’t say anything. He looks down at Ian and
sits next to him. Ian looks at him and smiles. “Me and Colt did hook up a few
night ago, but. Honestly we're not together okay. Plus, me and you have to get
past each other, pass this... Ian I want us to be friends, we have some form of
a relationship, like a bond and I get that. But what Colt told you was fucked
up and I’m sorry. But me and him…I can’t. Not with him or anyone right now."
Mickey says looking Ian dead in his eyes as he spoke.
 
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and looks his back down at his hands. “I know Mick, I want
what’s best for you, you know.” Ian says to Mickey and both eyes lock with each
other. And for a long moment their looking at each other, just staring at one
another not saying anything but everything as well. Then all of a sudden no one
knew who leaned in first or what. But both men kissed each other slow yet
fiercely. In a split second they were just talking and now they were kissing
each other. Ian didn’t want to let go of Mickey but he pulls back and looks at
Mickey.
 
 
Mickey couldn’t processes what just happen and that kiss. That kiss scared him;
he looks at Ian and is trying to say something but nothing came out. Then in an
instant of coming back down to earth Mickey spoke “Ian…I can’t, we can’t. I
mean we shouldn’t have done that.” Mickey says quickly.
 
 
Ian nods his head and stands up. Mickey is right behind him and goes to towards
the door to leave, but then is stopped when he feels Ian grab his arm. Mickey
looks up at Ian and gives him a questionable look.  “Thanks…and for the record
I don’t hate….I can never hate you.” Ian says to Mickey
 
 
Mickey smiles because he knows what Ian is talking about. When Mickey text Ian
a while ago telling Ian not to hate him. It seemed like when they got into an
argument they were pulled together for some reason. Mickey nods his head at Ian
and “Ian?” Mickey says and Ian hums to him in an answer, then Mickey speaks “Ah
next week we’re going to try another integration…Will you be there or do you
want to be there?” Mickey asked slightly nervous. He feels Ian should be there.
 
 
Ian smiles at Mickey and Mickey hitches his breathe when Ian leans in and
kisses his cheek. Mickey closes his eyes at the touch of Ians lips on his
cheek. He opens his eyes when Ian moves to at him again. “Yeah…Yeah I’ll be
there for yah Mick.”
 
 
Mickey give Ian a small smile and nods his head “Thanks” Mickey says and walks
out of the house and goes to his car, but before he gets in his car. He looks
back and sees Ian there at the door with a sad face and wave bye. Mickey can’t
help but feel that right now, at this moment as he drives off that he’s doing
the right thing for himself; because for once in his life. Mickey is going to
know who he is, because he’s doing the right thing for him and is taking care
of himself first.
 
Chapter End Notes
     All I can say it that the next chapter is gonna be heavy and there
     going to be a lot of angst to come. Sorry but im giving you a heads
     up.
***** Revealing the Truth…Integration and the Pain *****
Chapter Notes
     Thanks for everyone still staying with this story. soon a new chapter
     very soon xoxoxox. Remember this chapter is dark so heads up with
     that.
     Okay so this chapter is dark, I was even more darker but I felt that
     maybe no one would like that so I trimmed it down a lot. This chapter
     isn't as long as the others, but long none the less. I will tell you
     that this chapter has Major Trigger warns of child sexual abuse, so
     please be aware of that. I made this chapter different from the rest.
     Here I put it and noted how we are able to see inside Mickey's mind
     and outside of his mind as you guys get to see what I vision for
     this. As many people know its hard sometime to bring what you vision
     to writing so that others can see what you see play out. I hope you
     guys get to see how I played it out.
     Remember this is my first fanfic, I did have this in mind to play out
     and I have a friend of mines who helped me to explain Mickey's mind
     as his was the same when he was being integrate. With that being said
     please let me know what you guys think. I do love reading your
     comments and I appreciate the book marks and subscriptions and kudos.
     Again all mistakes are mine I have no Beta so I do apologies.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
It had been a few days before leading up to Friday….Friday….Friday! Fuck!
Friday was the day everything was going to happen again. It could end up being
worse that the last time. Mickey could be gone for a long time this time around
or maybe another alter would come out? Maybe Nick really wouldn’t help Mickey
this time around and things would get too much for Mickey that he would check
out. Would Nick let that happen to him? At this point Mickey didn’t know
anything. Him and Dr. Jimenez saw each other again as usual, but decided that
Mickey needed a rest from everything. So for the next couple of days, Mickey
was to relax and really think about what he wanted to do. He still had the
option of not going through with the integration processes and saying no. But
Mickey wanted to do this. He wanted to get things over and done with.
 
 
Mickey tries to call Mandy and apologize but got nothing, he left her voice
messages telling her about Friday and that he wanted her there. He left a voice
mail for Iggy to, because when he was at the garage this week he got into it
with Iggy and heated words were exchanged. Along with fist as well; so right
now two of his siblings weren’t speaking to him. If they didn’t show up on
Friday he didn’t know what he was going to do. He tried to apologize, but
Mickey figured they were tired of his bullshit, and left him…he felt more alone
then anything and god forbid he tell Collin how he feels about being alone
because then Collin would say something and then Leah would say something then
it would get back to Charlene and he didn’t want that mess.
 
 
So here he was all alone in the shop just thinking and messing with his car.
After replacing the transmission and fucking around with the engine for a bit.
Mickey decided to wire the radio and make sure the car heater and AC were
properly working. He wasn’t the one who could replace them and installed them,
but still he wanted to make sure everything was okay. This was his car, so no
one was allow to touch it. After finishing up with that, he wipes his hands
with his rage and went into his office. The shop is closed and he is there by
himself. So he decided to turn on his laptop. To his amazement it turns out
Nick had made himself a login profile on his computer. Go figured; but
curiosity got the better of Mickey and he click on the profile.
 
 
There was a bunch of videos and it appeared to be of him and Ian. There are
also a music programs and different songs that Nick was mixing with and making.
There were pictures as well; so Mickey clicked on them. What he found makes him
sit back, and well he didn’t know what to feel. There were pictures of him and
Ian, well Ian and Nick, so yeah him and Ian. What the fuck ever. He thought to
himself.  Anyways there were picture of them. They were smiling and looking at
each other, and there was a few of them where it looked like they were
laughing. There was some of Mandy and Ian and Nick at a club. There were some
with Ian’s sister Debbie. Some of just Ian sleeping and some of just Nick
taking selfies, which Mickey still doesn’t get the point of doing that. He’s
not one for Picture or fucking selfies, but there was this one picture, one
that caught his attention.
 
 
It was an old picture of his mother. She was pregnant with him he assumes
because of her belly and the fact that Mandy is in the picture with Collin, and
Iggy.  The picture is labeled under as, “Our Mom.” Mickey touches the screen
and smiles. He wishes he knew his mom, and he’s assuming Nick did as well. She
was beautiful, she had dark jet black hair like his and Mickey and Mandy’s blue
eyes they got from her. It even looked like Mandy had her smile. Mickey
wondered why Nick had a picture of this on the laptop, but he didn’t further
wonder into it.
 
 
He views a few videos that Nick made. He laughs at the shit he did. There was
one where Nick just followed Ian around Ian’s house. Nick was asking Ian dump
question and making Ian laugh, which was contagious because Mickey was laughing
as well. When Mickey got to one video, he was stunned by what he was watching.
It was Nick, well him actually, and he was smiling holding a guitar.
 
 
“Ian put the fucking camera down!” Nick says looking at the camera. Mickey
assumed Ian of course is holding the camera.
 
 
“NO! I want to record this and keep it like forever.” Ian says with such
passion that you can tell he wasn’t gonna back down.
 
 
“OMG you’re ruining our night you know that right; with that shit on recording
me!” Nick says not looking at the camera but playing with the guitar.
 
 
“Fuck you! So it’s okay for you to record me and bug me, but when I want to
record you singing to me I can’t.” Ian says to Nick all sassy like.
 
 
Nick gives Ian a face and then whines. “IIIIaaaaaan! Come the fuck on man, no
one needs to know I’m singing to you!”
 
 
The camera moves a little and it was moving around the room as Ian was walking
towards Nick more. “And no one will you prick! So shut the fuck up and give me
this present! You said you would.” Ian says to Nick with his puppy eyes.
 
 
“Yeah but I ain’t say you were gonna fucking record me.” Nick shot back at Ian
with no heat behind his voice.
 
 
Ian decided to tease Nick a bit. “Aww are you shy over the camera, because I
can tell you, the other tape we made you weren’t so shy then.” Ian says smugly
to Nick.
 
 
“Fuck you okay!” Nick says laughing and is blushing. “That was our sex tape and
I wanted to see how I looked. Plus I told you I was right about how you make
that face right before you cum. Caught that shit on tape! So your ass can’t be
like ‘oh no I fucking don’t’” Nick says trying to imitate Ians voice and is
laughing.
 
 
Mickey was even laughing and made a mental note to find that video and erase
it. He didn’t want a video of him having sex with Ian together for anyone to
see. Mickey focused back on to the video again he saw Ian throwing a shirt at
Nick and Nick gave him a face and the finger. “Please Nick…for me, just let me
have this. No one will see it pleeeeeeeease. This is my wedding gift you said
you would give me so give me it! And let me record it.” Ian says to Nick. 
 
 
Nick gives Ian who was holding the camera a mischievous smile. “Oh I’ll give it
you alright” Nick says while licking his lips and biting down on his bottom lip
looking at the camera but you can tell he was looking at Ian.
 
 
The camera goes down. “You’re not funny asshole! Plus I would be the one giving
it to you anyway.” Ian says.
 
 
Nick looks at him and smiles “Well we can always switch up you know?” Nick says
laughing and then sighs. He shakes his head but smiles at Ian like Mickey had
never seen himself smile at anyone before.  “Fine you prick, but if I see this
shit on any social media, Ima fuckin ripe your fucking dick off I swear to
god!” Nick says threaten Ian but with no heat behind his voice.
 
 
“Promise! Cross my heart, swear to die and stick a dirty needle in my eye.” Ian
says laughing now putting the camera down, so that he sat next to Nick.
 
 
Nick gives Ian a look as he sat down on the bed next to each other “Really?
We’re going back to kindergarten and shit with cross my heart and the swears to
die and shit?” Nick asked Ian. Ian just shrugs his shoulders smiling at Nick
like he’s the moon and the stars in the sky. “Fine, fuck it. You ready Red?”
Nick asked Ian and Ian smiles nodding his head.
 
 
Nick then takes the guitar in his hands and mumbles something under his breath.
Ian just rolls his eyes but smiles at him. Nick begins playing with the
acoustic guitar, and then started playing it looking at Ian as he sings to him.
 
I’ve been beaten down,
I’ve been Kicked around,
But he takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith,
In my darkest days,
But he makes me want to believe.
 
 
They call him love, love, love, love, love.
They call him love, love, love, love, love.
 
 
He is love, and he is all I need.
Ian hitches his breath and Nick opens his eyes to see Ians face. He looks at
Ian and smiles as he plays the little course of music before he starts singing
again and this time he’s looking at Ian the whole time
 
He’s all I need.
Well, have my ways,
They were all in vain,
But he waited patiently.
It was all the same
All my pride and shame,
And he put on my feet.
 
 
They call him love, love, love, love, love.
They call him love, love, love, love, love.
 
 
Mickey couldn’t help but notice the way Ian smiles in the video and has tears
in his eyes when Nick was singing to him. The way Nick was looking at Ian was a
way Mickey never looked at anyone before. Mickey was broken out of his train of
thought when he notice the music stop playing and he saw Nick wipe happy tears
off of Ian’s face as he smiles. He went back to playing the guitar again not
taking his eyes away from Ian.
 
 
And when our world slows down, dear
And when those stars burn out, here
Oh he’ll be there, yes he’ll be there,
 
 
They call him love, love, love, love, love.
They call him love, love, love, love, love.
 
He is love and he is all I need
He is love and he is all I need
 
Nick stops singing and just plays the guitar while smiling at Ian and Ian
smiles back at him, but Nick didn’t finish the song because it was Ian who sang
the last verse
 
 
“He is he is all I need.”
 
Mickey smiles at the video but then his smile fades away quickly. He stops the
video and turns off the laptop and puts it in his bag. He just sits there, in
his thought. No one was around, no one to talk to, just no one to…Mickey
decides then to go home. He gets up and leaves the shop and heads out.
 
 
The next day went and came like nothing; Mickey stood home from work, and
lounged around. He decided not to try and call Mandy or Iggy. He figured they
were coming and didn’t want to see him. But he did send Ian a text message
reminding him of tomorrow and if he was still going come. Ian told him yes he
would still come. Mickey knew Colt was going to be there as well as Collin, and
Leah. He just really wanted his other brother and sister there. Pushing them
would only make them mad. That much he knew from experience.
 
 
The doorbell rang and Mickey pauses the game he was playing and gets up to
answer it. Opening the door he was shocked to find that it was Debbie at the
door. “What are you doing here?” Was the first thing he says to Debbie.
 
 
“Hi! To you to Mickey.” Debbie says slightly sarcastic at him, as she causally
walks past him into his apartment. “I was just in the neighborhood and just
came by to see if you’re alright?” Debbie says causally as she makes her way
further into the apartment.
 
 
“Did Ian send you to like check up on or some shit?” Mickey asked her
 
 
Debbie turns around and gives Mickey a face. “No you ass! Can’t a girl come by
and see if her formally ex-best friend slash ex-brother in law to be and see
how he’s doing and if every things okay?” Debbie simply says to Mickey. Mickey
gives her a questionable look, and with that Debbie sighs and tells Mickey why
she was here. “Okay so I came here to check up on you because Mandy asked me to
okay?”
 
 
“Is she still fucking mad at me?” Mickey asked
 
 
“Oooh big time man. She said something about removing your vocal cords and
making an instrument out of them.” Debbie says while laughing. “I told she
should just remove your balls and have them as a souvenir. But then she said
one day she would like nieces and nephews. So I said yeah, removing your vocal
cords is okay to.” Debbie says with a small smile on her face.
 
 
Mickey looks at Debbie with his eyes wide at her. He’s slightly frighten of
what his sister and soon to be ex-sister in law talk about. He just nods his
head at her and yeah that does sound like something Mandy would say and do.
“How long do you think she gonna stay mad at me for?” Mickey says with a sigh.
 
 
Debbie looks at him slightly sad, because she knows Mickey feels bad. She can
just tell from the expression on his face. “Honestly I don’t know Mickey. Me
being here should say she might be mad at you for a long time and clearly
doesn’t want to see you.” Debbie says and she notice Mickey’s face change again
and become even more sadder; if that were even possible. “But I mean you know
Mandy right? She can be that way, just give her some time.” Debbie says trying
to brighten Mickey’s spirts up.
 
 
“I don’t have time; I kinda need her and Iggy for tomorrow.” Mickey says to her
now walking back into the sala.
 
 
Debbie follows Mickey and asks “What’s tomorrow?”
 
 
Mickey looks at her and sigh. “I’m a, I’m try another integration attempt. I’ve
been calling her and Iggy but there not returning my calls or text messages.
Iggy and her haven’t been at the main shop when I’m around so….” Mickey says
shrugging his shoulder and trailing off “I….I don’t fucking know.”
 
 
Debbie sits next to Mickey and picks up the control and starts playing the
game. “Well, have you tried to apologize for being such a prick?” Debbie says
to him while playing the Metal Gear game and not looking at Mickey
 
 
Mickey rolls his eyes and turns to look at Debbie. “You thinking I haven’t?” He
says to her and Debbie stops playing the game and looks at Mickey.
 
 
“Mickey…look I know me and you aren’t close not like…well the other you. But
you really need to see that not everyone is against you. So Mandy said what she
said granted. Take it like a big boy and don’t say shit that will hurt her,
because right now you need her and guess what she’s not here. It’s not because
she mean or a bitch, it’s because you’re an asshole and you’re scared so you’re
taking it out on her.” Debbie says to him bluntly.
 
 
“I’m not scared!” Mickey says instantly
 
 
Debbie gives Mickey a bitch face. “Yes you are Mickey! You’re scared that when
all this is said and done; that you’re going to be someone that no one
recognizes or that no one will want to be around. You’re scared of yourself, of
who you are or who you will be. You’re scared that no matter what happens you
know you’re going to end up hurting someone and that’s what you hate.” Debbie
says looking at him. After a moment she continues talking. “Because for some
reason you don’t know why you’re feeling that way when you shouldn’t. You’re
fucking scared of not being you, of not being free….And that my friend is gonna
fuck you over if you keep on thinking that way.” Debbie tells him with a
serious face.
 
 
Mickey scrunches up his face and is annoyed with what Debbie is telling him.
He’s not afraid; no fucking way is he afraid. “What the fuck do you mean!? I’m
not scared of shit okay, and I’m making sure that I’m putting myself first in
all this shit okay. You don’t know shit okay! You don’t know anything about me!
So yeah someone is gonna get hurt regardless, but I can’t be the fault in that,
and I don’t feel bad for that.” Mickey tells Debbie.
 
 
Debbie looks at Mickey unimpressed. “Keep telling yourself that Mick, and
maybe, just maybe you may believe yourself.” Was all Debbie tells him and she
then continues to play the game.       
 
 
Mickey gets up from the sofa and turns to look at Debbie “Look you don’t shit
about me freckles and you’re wrong.”
 
 
Debbie stops playing the game and looks at Mickey. She gives him a questionable
look and then places the controller down on the coffee table and stands up to
look at Mickey. “I may not know you, but apart of you I do know. And I know I’m
not wrong. You do the same thing Nick does because you guys are one person.
That much I know and so do you. You divert, and right now you’re doing that.
Trying to make yourself believe that what you’re saying is right and that
you’re okay with it. And that’s okay, but one day Mick you’re going to have to
face what’s in here and follow it.” Debbie says to Mickey whiling pointing to
his heart on his chest.
 
 
Mickey stands in front of Debbie in silence for a moment. He walks over to his
cabinet and takes out a bottle of vodka. He pours two cups full with some ice.
He then grabs both cups and hands one to Debbie. She takes it willingly not
mentioning to Mickey that she’s not 21 yet. Mickey just sits in silence while
he watches Debbie play the video game. As he drinks his drink, he just sits
back and thinks about everything and nothing at the same time. When asked what
he was thinking about, Mickey looks at her and shakes his head at her. Debbie
takes that answer as it is, and doesn’t push him. After a while Mickey orders
in some food for him and Debbie; it was a little weird for Mickey but being
with Debbie was okay. They watched a movie on Netflix as they ate and talked
about how messed up it is that Netflix makes you wait a whole year for freaking
Dare Devil season 2 and how crazy it was. They also talk about how Dark the new
season of American Horror story was.
 
 
They laughed and when it was getting late, Debbie told Mickey she had to leave.
Looking at the time he saw it was 8 at night. He wanted to offer to driver her
home but instead he got her an uber car and she thanked him. Debbie gave Mickey
a strong hug and kissed him on the cheek, but not before slapping him upside
his head and laughing as she left his apartment. 
 
 
SO now he was alone…by himself all alone. Mickey walks out on to the balcony
and looks at the city he knew and loved. His mind went somewhere else he knew
it did. He felt relaxed when Debbie was here, and it was a good feeling. Not
worrying and not caring for just a moment. Just to be able to enjoy a moment of
life. After staring out at the Chicago city for a few minutes, Mickey then went
to lay down and sleep if he could, because tomorrow was Friday….a day that will
either make or break Mickey.
 
                              ******************
                                        
It was quiet in the house for a bit, Mickey tries one more time in the morning
before everyone got here in the afternoon. Mandy and Iggy still didn’t pick up
and it left Mickey on the edge; he ended up calling Debbie asking if he heard
from Mandy. She told him that the last she heard from Mandy was yesterday, when
she asked her to go check up on him and see how he was doing. That even when
she texted Mandy yesterday when she got home. Mandy didn’t reply to her. Debbie
hears how worried Mickey was over the phone, she ends up talking to him for a
few minutes to calm him down. Even with Debbie talking to him, Mickey felt a
pang in his chest when he figured his sister and brother weren’t going to come.
When Mickey hangs up the phone with Debbie he felt okay, but still didn’t know
what to feel in a way. Maybe it was too much for Mandy and Iggy, and he
respected that.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez is the first person to arrive at Mickey’s house. Soon later comes
in Collin, with Leah and then Colt shortly after. So now Mickey was in the sala
with Dr. Jimenez, Collin, Leah, and Colt. He’s nervous, and he’s sure now that
Mandy and Iggy won’t be showing up at all. He really needed them.  He regrets
even more about the stupid fight him and Mandy got into, and the whole fucking
fight him and Iggy. It ended with him telling Iggy to go fuck himself and to
just leave him alone. He honestly couldn’t remember what the fight was about
now.
 
 
A few minutes pass on by and still nothing. Mickey was still waiting for Ian.
He said he would be here. If his brother and sister weren’t coming, Ian was. A
part of him was hopeful for that. He silently prayed for a miracle thought, but
he was sure he wouldn’t get it. Not to long after that; it was to his amazement
and shock when the doors to the sala open up revealing both Mandy and Iggy
walking inside towards him. Mickeys smiles was big and he is happy to see them
both here finally.
 
 
“Hey! You guys made it- you came!” Mickey says hugging Iggy and then Mandy
tightly.
 
 
Iggy smiles at his brother as he responses to him. “Of course we’d come man; no
matter what I got we back bro.” Iggy says. 
 
 
“Yeah Ig’s right. We’re always gonna be here for you Mick, no matter how much
of a pain in an ass you are.” Mandy says smiling at her brother and she walks
up to Mickey giving him a big hug again. She hears Mickey say in a low whisper
“I’m sorry.” She just hugs him even more tighter before she lets him go.
 
 
“We also brought someone who wanted to be here…so don’t get mad.” Iggy says and
gives his brother a kiss on the forehead. That was something Iggy hadn’t done
in years, not since he was a kid.
 
 
Ian walks in the room and all eyes were on him. He’s nervous; Mickey did invite
him but probably didn’t tell anyone from the looks of it. Maybe his doctor knew
of course she did. Even if he weren’t invited he did however in a way felt like
he needed to be here. But if Mickey changed his mind and wanted him gone he
would leave. Even so, now he’s here and not everyone is happy that Ian is there
right now.
 
 
Colt walks towards Ian. “What the hell are you doing here for? I’m sure you
weren’t invited.” Colt says to Ian defensively.
 
Mickey steps forward and lightly pushes Colt away. “No its okay, trust me
alright.” Mickey says looking at Ian and then back at Colt “You’re here for me
and for Nick right?” Mickey says
 
 
Ian smiles and nods his head at Mickey. “Yeah I am here for you and Nick…At
least I can say someone was here for Nick right? But you as well, and you know
that.” Ian says looking at Mickey and no one else.
 
 
“Look Ian I don’t know if you should be here. I mean I get it you know, this
can’t be easy, but this is for Mickey well-being.” Collin says trying to act
all big brother protective
 
 
“Collin come on man stop!” Iggy says to him and Mickey stands next to Ian
looking at everyone.
 
 
“It’s okay guys, like I said….trust me okay. I’m a big boy, I can make own
decision and I want Ian to stay and I told him to come anyway…. I want him to
be here, he needs to be here.” Mickey says looking at everyone then back at
Ian.
 
 
Colt looks at Mickey a like he’s crazy and is clearly upset. He looks away so
Mickey didn’t see his reaction. However Iggy and Mandy caught a glimpse and
they look at one another. There was no secret that they didn’t want Colt here,
but he was here and that’s how Mickey wants it. Colt told Mickey he would give
him support and so Mickey accepted that.
 
 
Mickey walks a little more up to Ian and smiles. Ian looks at him and smiles
back “Thanks” was all Ian says but then, “Look you know, if you need me to go I
will, I don’t want to cause any problems and I don’t really know if you really
do need me here.”
 
 
Mickey doesn’t look away from Ian as he speaks to him. “Yeah I do, I need
everyone here…I need to be a whole person, not only for my family but for me.
And you’re a part of that. So….todays the day I fight and I have to fight my
battles without Nick.” Mickey says and Ian face fell. Mickey tilts his head to
the side so that Ian would look at him, and Ian does. “I owe him you know? I
know I do…I owe Nick a lot; he’s always been there for me and I know that…He
protects me. He’s protected me my whole life, so I will always love him forever
for that. And I feel like he knows that, and I want you to know that as well…I
know Nicks not a bad person, just makes bad choices sometimes.” Mickey says to
Ian.
 
 
Ian smiles at Mickey. “Yeah.” Ian says looking down away from Mickey “Yeah I
know.” Ian says sadly and looks back at Mickey with glassy eyes.
 
 
“Ian…you know we have to give him up right…Me and you…we have to say goodbye to
him.” Mickey says sadly to Ian but gives him a small smile.  “Is it weird that
I’m scared? I’m never scared of anything, but I’m scared of this.” Mickey says
Ian. Ian smiles again at him and shakes his head no. Ian leans in and hugs
Mickey and Mickey hugs him back.
 
Then he hears Ian say to him lowly “Don’t be scared of your demons. We all have
them. Just let that fear melt away and don’t give up okay. Just don’t give up
on yourself today or ever.” Ian and Mickey then break apart from the hug.
Mickey looks at Ian and nods his head and turns around. He takes a deep breath,
and walks towards the sofa.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez walks up to Mickey and gives him a reassuring smile. “Are you
okay?” She asked him
 
 
Mickey nods his head yes. “I’m ready! Let’s get this shit started.” He says
firmly to her and that was he all needed to say for them to begin the
integration process.
 
 
Mickey then takes a seat the sofa and Dr. Jimenez sits down opposite of him and
is facings Mickey now. “Okay Mick, so you know what’s going to happen now
right? We’re going to begin the therapy process okay; just as we’ve discussed
before.” She says and Mickey nods his head. “Okay I’m going to need you to let
go of all stressful thoughts, and be completely blank and think of nothing. I
just want you to relax as I count backwards from 10 okay? Just like we did in
our past session and just like how we have been doing alright.” Charlene says,
and Mickeys only looking at her nodding his head in agreement.
 
 
Everyone in the room is nervous. There’s a lot of intense vibes and
anticipation in the air. Fear, hope, nervousness, strength, and anticipation,
and so many emotions were running inside the room. Everyone is feeling this
way, but yet no one’s showing it for Mickey’s sack.
 
 
Mickey nods his head again, and looks at Dr. Jimenez. He looks nervous but is
determine as well. Mickey then closes his eyes, and removes everything and
anything from his mind that worries him. And now it’s all blank, and he’s
relaxes and his breathing is steady. Mickey begins to hear Dr. Jimenez count
down. “10….9….8…7…6” and as she’s counting down he hears the numbers less and
less as if he drifting away “…5…4-” Then Mickey doesn’t hear the numbers
anymore.
 
                                                                                                                                                                       
                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Mickey opens his eyes; and no one speaks because they were told not to. This
was the processes and actions that occur during, having Mickey being under
hypnosis. So at this moment he’s seeing flashes of things and it all looks like
a dream of memories. He hears Charlene talking to him as if she’s a guide for
him.
 
 
“Mickey? Can you hear me?” She asked him
 
 
“Yes” Mickey says
 
 
“Okay Mickey; now you’re four old, you’re in your old house where you grew up
at. Do you know what I’m talking about? Do you see that? Do you see yourself in
your old childhood house where you grew up at?” Dr. Jimenez asks Mickey.
 
 
Mickey nods his head, tilts it to the right side slightly and his left eye brow
goes up. And it’s as if he’s dreaming looking at what he’s remembering.
 
Mickey sees his father walking around with his friends. Mickey is walking
around and Terry yells at him for being in the way. “Get the fuck out of the
way you piece of shit!” he says and Mickey moves fast away from his father.
There’s drugs and money on the table, and they seems to be playing a card game
in the middle of the sala. Mickey goes to knock on Mandy’s door
 
 
 Mickey’s voice has changed in a childlike manner, and everyone in the room
notices it. “Mandy! ...Mandy please open the door.”  Mickey says and is
nervous. He’s is fiddling with is hands
 
(In the room Mandy looks at her brother and begins to silently cry and she
hears her brother describing everything around him. As she hears him call for
her, but she can’t do anything about it; Mickey is reliving the events of his
past and it sucks that she never opened that door for him. It hurts just to
watch on.)
 
 
What’s_happening_inside_of_Mickey_Mind:
When Mandy doesn’t answer the door, he goes towards Collins room. Mickey opens
the door and goes inside. He sees that Collins face is bruised and hurt. He
walks more further in and then he’s yelled at. “Get out! Get the fuck out of my
room!” Collin yells out at Mickey.
 
Mickey’s voice continues to be in a childlike voice as he now speaks “B-b-b-but
Collin…Daddy’s out Dere with his phwend and I don’t like it.” Mickey says as he
shakes his head and has tears in his eyes.
 
“I don’t give a shit! Get the fuck out! Now Mikhailo leave!” Collin yells out
and throws something at Mickey and he runs out of his room.
 
Mickey puts his hands to his face and is trying not to cry. He removes his
hands off his face and then he calls for him.
 
Terry calls Mickey over and tells him “Come play with your old man and his
friends Mickey.” Terry tells him and Mickey walks over to him slowly.
 
What’s_happening_Outside_of_Mickey’s_mind:
“I wanna go to my room now.” Young Mickey says out loud and Dr. Jimenez knows
this is Mickey pulling back.
 
 
 
“Don’t worry Mickey it will okay, you can go to your room soon, but can you
tell me who you’re with?” Dr. Jimenez asked him
 
 
 
Mickey is scared and its shows on his face “I can’t, I don’t want to…I want
Collin but Collins mad and he doesn’t want me to go in his room with him….Mandy
won’t open her door. I don’t know why. I don’t know why everyone is mad at
me…..I didn’t, I don’t get it, I just want to be with someone.” Mickey crosses
his arms and is moving his body back and forth…”Someone please help me….I don’t
want to be out here anymore. Daddy won’t let me go back in my room. Help
me…someone please!?” He continues saying and is pouting and has tears coming
down his eyes.
 
 
“It’s okay Mickey you’re safe okay, we’re going to go in your room and lock it
okay. So you can be safe.” Dr. Jimenez tells to Mickey and he’s nodding his
head and shaking back and forth but still crying. “Mickey? Did someone go with
you into your room, or did you go alone?”
 
 
Mickey wipes his face before he talks “Dey came with me, but I’m not in my
room, I’m in a different room.” Mickey says sounding small.
 
 
“Do you know who took you into that room Mickey?” She asked him
 
 
Mickey nods his head yes “Yes…Daddy said to come to him and when I didn’t do
what he said he took me by the hand…He said his phwends wanted to play and that
he wanted to take picture of me playing….But Daddy said I had to play with him
first…that he would get me a puppy because I wanted a puppy. But I had to
listen first.”
 
 
 
(The room was already silent…but even if someone knocked on the door or if
there was a big crash outside? No one would pay attention. Because at this
moment everyone in the room was thinking the exact same things, as Mickey keep
speaking.)
 
 
“Okay Mickey. So what happened then after you went with your daddy and he took
you by the hand?” Dr. Jimenez asks Mickey carefully.
 
 
 
Mickey posture changes he sits up more and looks puzzled. “Daddy took my
hand….and we went into the upstairs room that is lock. It was always locked,
but not right now… There was a camera a big bed and there toys…lot of toys!”
Mickey says being slightly excited at the seeing the toys as he
remembers. Mickey then all of sudden changes his posture and his voice changes
from speaking as a child to speaking as an adult again. He’s describing what
he’s remembering. Everything around him from the wall paper that was on the
wall, which he describes as having blue stripes, and the bed that has black
cover sheets on it; to how the smell of air fresher in the room smells
like. “And there’s….” Mickey says but stops and is seeing….
 
 
“What Mickey? What’s there? What do you see?” Dr. Jimenez asks Mickey.
 
 
 
“I see Me …I’m playing with the toys…Dad said I can play with them. So I’m
playing with them.” Mickey says as he’s looking around in the room and moving
towards himself. However everyone around him knows he’s under hypnosis so they
make sure to stay out of his sight and far away from him. Not bumping into him
as he moves around the room towards the little boy he sees. Mickey is up and
walks over to the other side of the sofa.
 
 
 
Dr. Jimenez observes Mickey quietly. Paying close attention to him as she sees
he’s still looking at himself from his memories. He begins to speak to him
again “Is this the first time you’ve been up in this room Mickey?” Dr. Jimenez
asks him.
 
 
“Yeah, yeah it is. He never let us come up here; said it was off limits.”
Mickey says
 
 
“What are some of things you’re doing in that room right now Mickey?” Dr.
Jimenez asks him.
 
 
“I’m playing with the action figure toys, and theirs crayons and a coloring
book. I stop playing with the toys and I go to color and theirs snacks next to
me.”   “Go on Mickey eat the snack.”   Terry said. So I ate the snacks. There
chocolate chip, my favorite”
 
 
What’s_happening_inside_of_Mickey_Mind:
Younger Mickey is eating the cookies and puts the page he colors to the side.
He grabs the army toys and starts playing with them. Mickey walks up to his
younger self “Hey what are you doing there.” Mickey asked his younger self.
 
 
Younger Mickey looks up at him and smiles. “I’m puraying like battle field…but
diffewent. These are pirate aliens and these are supa humans like peter pan and
the lost boys who come to save da world from da pirate aliens.”  Young Mickey
tells him and points to the action figures.
 
 
“Oh yeah that’s cool!” Mickey tells his younger self. “You like peter pan don’t
you.” Mickey asked his younger self
 
 
Younger Mickey nods his head. And then. “Are you one of daddy phwends?” Younger
Mickey asked
 
 
 
Mickey is taken back by the question. “No…no I’m not…I ah. Hey why don’t we go
okay? Before he get backs, before dad gets back with his friends.” Mickey says
instantly to his younger self and picks him up and is carrying him before
younger Mickey can answer him. Mickey is starting to panic now.
 
 
Mickey hears his doctor. “Mickey no...NO, Mickey you have to stay there it’s
important you stay there!” Dr. Jimenez says urging Mickey to stay where he is
at and confront his past.
 
 
“NO! NO-NO-NO-NO-No we have-we have to go! I don’t care! I’m taking him and I’m
going. We’re going somewhere safe so no one can hurt us! I know he’s going to
hurt him, I just know it! I won’t let him do that him!” Mickey says urgently
and is holding his younger self close to him even more.
 
 
 
Mickey looks at little Mickey and smiles to him as he talks to him. “Hey there;
how about me, and you little man leave! Yeah okay. We can um. You know what?
We’re going to go and get out of here okay? But we have to go now; we can do
whatever it is you want alright. But it’s not safe here I have to take you out
of here, so we have to leave now!” Mickey tell younger Mickey
 
 
What’s_happening_outside_of_Mickey’s_mind:
 
Mickey is rocking himself back in forth more and is on the verge of crying
again. He’s talking to his younger self and everyone is looking on. The only
one in the room who seems to be calm is Dr. Jimenez and Leah, as they knew that
this was to be expected from an integration processes. And it’s taking
everything inside of Collin, Mandy, Iggy, and Ian to not run to him and comfort
Mickey. Colt is on the side line looking on and observing everything as he’s
even looking nervous and scared.
 
 
“Mickey you have to be strong okay, you have to remember why we’re here. You
want to remember and you have to remember. You want to be health again okay.
Remember Mickey stay there stay with us. Remember you want to put the piece of
your life together to be whole again!” Dr. Jimenez tells Mickey, trying to
bring him down and keep him in control while he’s in this state of mind.
 
 
 
Mickey is shaking his head “No…no I can’t do this….I can’t! It’s doesn’t have
to be like this, it doesn’t have to be this way! Not like this no! I can take-
I can take him away I know I can. I can protect him I know I can do that! I
have to protect him, so they don’t hurt him! He can’t get hurt; I won’t let
them do anything to him. We’re gonna run away and hide!” Mickey says with tears
coming down his eyes. “Please he can’t stay there; he can’t be there with
them!” Mickey shouts out.
 
 
“Mickey are you sure… are you sure you think you can’t do this Mickey?” Dr.
Jimenez asked him again, because if Mickey couldn’t do it, she would have to
pull him back out. But that wouldn’t be considered a lost, seeing as they got
farther than they’ve ever had before.
 
 
“Why does it have to be like this…why?” Mickey sounds small. “I can take him
away and I can protect him!” Mickey says again, still not giving his Doctor a
yes or no answer on whether if he’s able to continue to do this or not.
 
 
What’s_happening_inside_of_Mickey_Mind:
 
Mickey is holding on to his younger self and is making sure he’s safe “I got
you okay…Ima make sure no one hurts you, just stay close to me and don’t let go
of me.” He says then pulls away slightly so he can see his younger self again
as he speaks. “Me and you were gonna go somewhere safe were no one can hurt us.
Some where we can go and have all the chocolate we want. Somewhere where no one
and I mean no one can get to us. I promise you okay.” Mickey says while holding
younger Mickey tight in his arms. “We’re gonna leave and go somewhere safe. I
promise you that okay, I always keep my promises.” Mickey says looking at
younger Mickey “Me, you, Mandy, Collin, and Iggy okay; we’re a family, and they
won’t let anything happen to us I know that much? Okay how does that sound?
That sounds perfect right?” Mickey says but is asking his younger self.
 
 
 
All of sudden Mickey hears his doctors voice again and is looking around, but
holding on to his younger self even tighter again. “Mickey I need you to hear
me out okay? Please, I need you stay there.” Dr. Jimenez say in an desperation
attempted to calm Mickey down and have him gain control again.
  
 
 
In another desperate attempted Iggy calls out to his brother now. “Mickey it’s
me… its Iggy! Mickey you need to be strong okay…were here we have you. No one
is going to hurt you bro. We need you to stay strong we’re here! We are right
here and we’re not going anywhere Mickey! You’re not alone I promise you,
you’re not alone.” Iggy says to him.
 
 
 
“No-no Iggy I can’t….he coming back! Dad said he was coming back with his
friend-I can’t….I don’t want him to be here, we have to go! I have to take him
away before he gets back upstairs!” Mickey says and begins to crying. “Please!”
Mickey says and is crying holding on to little Mickey rubbing his back making
sure he’s safe.
 
 
 
“Mickey this is a memory. Mick you’re safe, please don’t give up! Not when
you’re so close Mickey. We’re all here for you and we’ll make sure nothing will
happen to you I promise you Mickey.” Collin now says
 
 
 
“Mickey you want to remember it…You need to understand it okay…We need you to
remember so you can be whole again just like you wanted. Remember that Mickey,
remember that you want to be whole again.”  Dr. Jimenez says to him
 
 
 
Mickey pulls back slightly from holding his younger self so that he can see him
as he talks “hey little man…” 
 
 
 
Little Mickey looks up at him. “Hi…why are you scared? Are you afraid of
something?” Young Mickey asked adult Mickey.
 
 
“Yeah….But I have to be strong, but I don’t know how. I know I have to be so I
can get better, but I’m so fucking scared.” Little Mickey nods his head and
Mickey hoisters his younger self up more as he speaks “Hey tell you what? How
about we play with some paint huh? You wanna paint with me?” Mickey asked
Younger Mickey.
 
 
 
“Yes” little Mickey smiles, and they both sit down on the floor next to the bed
together. Mickey is taking out the paint, but then the door opens up again and
he sees his dad and his friend…His dad friend! He remembers his name Raul…Raul
Wilson.
 
 
 
“No…No not yet please! Not now please! Not yet; please! Please don’t do
this…not to him please!” Mickey cries out as he looks on as what’s about to
happen.
 
 
 
“Hi Daddy…Hi Raul” Younger Mickey says
 
 
 
“Mickey” Terry says “Raul is gonna be behind the camera alright. Me and you are
going play a game okay kiddo”
 
 
 
“Okay! Then can I have the puppy like you promised!” Younger Mickey says
 
 
 
“Yeah sure whatever kid…get on the fucking bed now.” Terry said to Mickey “here
Drink this!” Terry says and forces younger Mickey to drink the alcohol from the
bottle. All the while as Mickey is at the corner looking on at what his father
is doing to him. Remembering everything Terry did to him that day.
 
 
 
“I don’t like that! I don’t wanna drink it.” Younger Mickey says as he spits
some of the alcohol out and is coughing.
 
 
 
Terry slaps younger Mickey across his face and grabs his jaw firmly. “You will
do as I say got it!” Terry says as he hisses at Younger Mickey. At the same
time Mickey grabs his face and instantly remembers that feeling of the sting
from the slap across his face. How it burned and hurt and tingled when he
touches it because his hands were cold.
 
 
Young Mickey is crying and only nods his head as he’s touching his face where
Terry slapped him. “Stop fucking crying before I give you something to cry
about!” Terry says and hits him again with a slap to his butt hard, that
younger Mickey covers his mouth and tries to not to scream from the pain. But
he can’t help it, it hurts.
 
 
 
Mickey is now looking at what his father is doing to him. How he’s touching
him, and laughing at him, when he cries. How him and Raul take pictures of
Mickey and make Mickey open his mouth and stick an ice pop in his mouth, and he
made him suck on it. When Mickey got brain freeze it hurt and he started to
cry, Terry hit him harder on his leg, and on his ass. He even twisted his arms.
But that wasn’t the worse part. The worst part was when Terry undressed him and
he was naked in front of the camera. He would touch Mickey and had Mickey look
at the camera as he forced him to. He violated Mickey in a way that Younger
Mickey didn’t understand, and it hurt. There was blood on the sheets. He
remembers this; he remembers crying asking for him to please stop. He remembers
being held down and feeling himself become undone and fall into piece. Mickey
remembers all of this, and Mickey sees all of this as he looks on and is crying
in the corners as he is sitting on the floor watching. He was watching as
younger Mickey turns to his side and was in the fetal position crying silently
as he was.
 
 
                              ******************
 
 
Mickey is now laying on the sofa on his right side and he’s in the fetal
position…”It’s over now” He says “….they said I was a good boy…that I did good.
Dad said that if I keep being a good boy, that I will be big in the world… That
everyone will know me and love me….Dad said, I’m going make him lots of money.”
Mickey says sounding so small and so broken as he’s on the sofa.  
 
 
“You’re doing great Mickey; everything’s okay now.” Dr. Jimenez says to him but
Mickey shakes his head as tears fall down his face “You very brave Mickey; I
need you to remember that. I need you to know that.”
 
 
“Can I go now…”Mickey says in a low voice “Please, please I don’t wanna be here
no more with them.” Mickey says in a whisper voice still crying
 
 
“Not yet Mickey….I need you to do one more thing for me Mickey okay? And then
you can leave. I promise you that you can after you do one more thing.” Dr.
Jimenez says
 
 
“I…I have to stay? Why?” Mickey asks from where he’s at. He still hasn’t moved
yet.
 
 
“Yes just a little more okay, I need you to go back to the second time you went
up those stairs in that room. Mickey can you do that?” Dr. Jimenez.   Mickey
than sits up and his face is all red, and his eyes are all puffy. “Are you
there now again Mickey? Can you please tell me what you’re seeing right now?”
Dr. Jimenez asked.
 
 
What’s_Happening_inside_Mickeys_Mind:
Mickey is looking around and explains what he sees “Yes…the room is the same
but it’s…It’s different as well. There’s something wrong. There something not
right. There’s not a lot of toy anymore….There’s a video camera again and now a
regular camera, but there’s more than one. It’s on the dresser.” Mickey says as
he remember what he’s sees. He sees younger Mickey, himself as he is sitting on
the bed now looking at his dad
 
 
What’s_happening_Outside_of_Mickey’s_mind:
Mickey is sitting up, his face is puzzled, his eye brows are crunched together
and he’s looking around and shaking his head and is holding onto the sofa
cushion tightly now. “This is weird…this is different? Somethings not
right….somethings wrong here I can feel it.” Mickey says and starts to panic
again.
 
 
“What is it Mickey” Dr. Jimenez asks Mickey
 
 
“Me and dad…we aren’t alone but it’s just him and Raul’s not there.” Mickey
says and swallows hard. His eyes grow wider as he hears his father say.
 
 
“We’re gonna play again Mickey? It’s just going to be me, and you again.” Terry
said as Mickey remembers.
 
 
“NO!” Mickey screams out and stands up. Mickey see his younger self again,
except it’s different and weird. He then sees the video cameras again, being
turned on again and is freaking out. “No-No I can’t do this! Not again not-no,
I can’t do this! I can’t do this again! NO-NO-NO NOT AGAIN I CAN’T!” Mickey
screams and cries out. At the same time he’s gets up and runs to the other side
of the sofa far near the wall next to the book case and is trying to hide.
Mickey is crying harder and louder.
 
 
“Do something he’s scared shitless!” Mandy says then all of a sudden.
 
 
“Don’t you see what this is doing to him!” Colt snaps out at Dr. Jimenez
 
 
At the same time that was when Ian, Iggy, and Collin stand up to go to Mickey,
but it was Dr. Jimenez and Leah who stops them.
 
 
“No focus MICKEY! Focus! See who’s there with you! You have to see it Mickey,
you have to pull yourself together and focus on the other person in the room!
You can do this I know you can. You’ve come this far Mickey, I know you can do
this, you want to do this.” Dr. Jimenez tells Mickey. Mickey is bending down
holding his knees to his chest and is crying shaking his head. “Who is it
Mickey?” Dr. Jimenez asks Mickey again.
 
 
Mickey sees what’s happening and tries to focus on who’s in there with them. If
it’s just him and Terry and not Raul…Then who? “We’re gonna play again Mickey?”
Terry says to him.
 
 
“I’m not Mickey” He says to Terry looking and glaring up at him.
 
 
Mickey looks up and he wiped his face and sits down on the floor and smiles.
“I’m Nick!” and he smiles smugly up at everyone. Nick looks around and sees Ian
and smiles wider at him. Ian smiles back at Nick and waves. Nick winks at him
and then looks at everyone. “Wow. Hmph!” Nick says and gets up from the floor
and walks over to the sofa. “Aaaah so the whole fuckin gang is here for little
oh me huh?” Nick says again with a grin.
 
 
“Nick?” Collin asked puzzled.
 
 
“YUP!….You miss me Collin?” Nick says innocently and is looking at everyone as
he’s walking around the sofa and is smiling at them. “Hey Doc! How yah doing!”
Nick says sarcastically
 
 
“Hello Nick, I am talking to Nick correct?” Dr. Jimenez asked
 
 
“Well I am the one and only Doc! Ain’t no one else like me!” Nick says to her
crossing his arm against his chest leaning back against the sofa.
 
 
“Is Mickey there to with you Nick?” Dr. Jimenez asked him
 
  
“Eh he’s around here somewhere.” Nick says sitting at the edge of the sofa look
around in amusement “He took off again! …He ah needed space. You know the whole
remembering this got a bit too much. And he had ah” Nick says using his hands
as he talks “To yah know, run for cover and shit. So he needed me to take over
for bit. You know the usually and shit….But ah, yeah he’s hanging around
somewhere.” Nick then throws himself on the sofa and is laying on his side and
is smiling widely at everyone and waves his fingers at Collin, Iggy, Leah, and
Mandy. Then gives Colt the middle finger for good measure, and leave the best
for last when he winks and blows a kiss at Ian.
 
 
“Where are you Nick?” Dr. Jimenez ask and then Nick sit up and looks at Dr.
Jimenez straight in the eyes
 
 
“Hmmm see Doc don’t you mean where Mickey’s at? Because, he ain’t here and I
am.” Nick says with such enthusiasm, that you can’t see it on his face, but
hear it in his voice. “Doc?” Nick asks as a matter of fact. “Where you’d think
me and Mickey are huh? Why you askin stupid fuckin question for?”  Nick says
and sits back against the sofa and raises his eye brows looking at her.
 
 
What’s_happening_inside_Mickey/Nicks_mind:
 
Now Mickey’s hiding in a corner looking away from everything not trying to be
there, not trying to relive what’s happened to him over again. Nick sees him
and walks over to him “Get. Up…..Get Up Mickey! Get the Fuck Up!” Nick says
screaming to him.
 
 
“I can’t, I can’t do this anymore….I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to see
what he did to me again….I can’t… Nick I can’t!” Mickey says chocks out and is
sobbing still covering his face, facing away from the reality of his memory.
 
 
 
Nick huffs “Fucking Pussy man. Such a fucking weak pain in my ass you know
that?” Nicks says and walks closer to Mickey and turns around and leans his
back against the wall and slides down. He’s sitting next to Mickey now, as
Mickey continues to cry and is even more scared. Nick just looks at him and
looks at what’s about to happening to him and Mickey again. Like he always has;
Nick just sighs. “So…..you do know what the fuck is gonna happen next right?
You do know if you don’t fucking look right now and see and confront this shit
what will happen. You know, if you don’t fucking face it Mickey what will
happen! .....Well seem like some bodies gotta do it right? And it’s gonna be
me….Like always Mickey, just like fucking always.” Nick says numbly and tried
as he’s looking at the room in front of him as Terry turns on the video camera.
 
 
 
Mickey is shaking his head and trying hard to stop from crying “You said you
wouldn’t be here…..you said that-“
 
 
 
“That what!?” Nick says cutting Mickey off. “That I would leave you because you
called me selfish? Well yeah… I was, but then again Mick” Nick says and turns
to look at Mickey and Mickey looks at him back. “When have I ever abandoned
you? When everyone else has, I haven’t and I won’t.” Nick says looking at him,
softly yet seriously. “So is this what you want Mickey? You want me to handle
this shit again; you want me to deal with this shit again for you? Because you
know I will, you know I won’t let anything hurt us. It’s not a big deal to me
you know? I’ve seen this replay over and over again. Just like all the other
times it happened to us like a million times over and over and over again.”
Nick says to Mickey. “It’s like a replay and rewind kind of thing….never goes
away, so I’m use to it.” Nick says pointing to his head when he spoke to
Mickey.
 
 
 
Nick then looks ahead again and speaks “So Mikhailo, I’ll do it again, take
another hit for the team yeah? Like I always do.” Nick says frowning ahead as
Terry walks to the bed to his and Mickey younger self. He sees young Nick
glaring at Terry and his face becomes emotionless as Terry removes his shirt.
 
 
 
“What will happen then? What will happen to us then if you handle it?” Mickey
says in a low voice to Nick.
 
 
Nick looks at Mickey now and gave him a face “What you think Mickey!? Just like
always I’ll be there to clean up your fuckin messes’ man. I’ll be there when
shit gets to fuckin real when you can’t fuckin’ handle it. Because that’s what
you always do anyways Mickey! You call for me when you need me and I-me who
handles it all, all the time… Because that’s what I do for you! Me and you!
We’re like fuckin destined to grow old together and have fights with one
another for who’s gonna take control like always.”  Nick says telling Mickey
and looking at him. He then looks back again forward and leans his head back.
Mickey notices how tired he looks.
 
 
 
Nick looks like he has no emotions on his face “Best friends for fuckin life
right? So what’s it gonna be Mick huh?  Ian and bitch boy fighting over us
forever, or Mandy, Iggy and Collin worried about when one of us is out and they
can’t do shit about it? Hmm….That would be fun right?….So what it’s gonna be
Mick?” When Mickey didn’t say anything to Nick, Nick became fed up “....Why
don’t you stop fucking running and do this whole integration shit already and
be done with the whole fucking thing man.” Nick looks at him. Mickey is still
curled up in the corner looking at Nick.
 
 
 
“Come on man! Look, either you let me in; we do this whole shit? Or you can
step the fuck aside and back the fuck off and let me handle this like always!
Let me do my fucking job Mikhailo… Vash vybir Mik, nikhto ne tse a za vamy.
(Your choice Mick, no one else’s but yours.) So what’d you want?” Nick asked
Mickey.
 
 
 
Mickey looks at Nick. “I want be free again…I want to me again…I want this
whole things to stop and I don’t…I don’t know.”
 
 
Nick sighs and gets up “Alright fine Mick…You, you go hide and I’ll go handle
Terry again okay.” Nick says and goes to leave.
 
 
“No Wait!” Mickey says and Nick looks back. “We can do it together right?-I….I
want do it together. I know what I want Nick, and I want be whole again. I
don’t want you to ever be alone; not anymore, not with this, not with nothing
every again.” Mickey says Nick.
 
 
Nick smiles at him “Mick, I’ve always been alone…are you sure; you sure you’re
ready?”
 
 
Mickey gets up from the corner he was hiding at and wipes his tears from his
face and walks up to Nick. “I’m sure and you won’t be alone anymore.” Mickeys
says and walks up to Nick.
 
 
 
Nick holds out his hand for Mickey to take, and Mickey takes his hand instantly
and willingly. “Last chance Mick…we’re doing this together? Right” Nick asks
Mickey before everything starts again. He wants to make sure Mickey is ready
and will go through with this. Because if not, Nick will understand and will
get it; in a way most people won’t get it. What he does, and he needs to do is
to always make sure Mickey is okay and he needs Mickey to knows that.
 
 
Mickey nods his head yes “Yes I’m sure….There no going back; not now, not
ever.” Mickey said firmly to Nick.
 
 
 
And with that Mickey and Nick sit in silence holding each other’s hand and
watches on at what happens. At how Terry takes the picture of him naked, at how
Terry touches him and holds him down. As Terry went ahead and recorded what he
did to him, how he went ahead and…..The tears that come down there faces, the
emotionless facial expression. There was more blood not a lot like before, but
it was there. How Terry did everything he did before the first time with
Mickey, but only this time he was alone and made Mickey do more things.
 
 
 
 
Mickey has his knees up against his chest and is crying while still holding
onto Nick’s hand. “I’m so sorry…I’m so, so, sorry….I didn’t know; I had no idea
Nick.” 
 
 
 
“Sorry for what?” Nick says dryly looking at how the four year old of him and
Mickey is in the fetal position now. He turns and looks at Mickey as he speaks.
 
 
 
Mickey sees Nicks face, it’s as if there nothing there, no emotions and he’s
not cold, just numb. But his eyes, his eyes look hurt, and are tired, yet
strong and unwilling to give anyone the satisfaction of making him feel weak.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t know. A-and you had to do…do it all for so long and you
were by yourself….With no one, no one at all here with you….I’m sorry Nick, I’m
so sorry.” Mickey says to him
 
 
 
“I wasn’t always so…” Nick says looking at Mickey “Yeah…doesn’t matter; plus
over the years as it happened over and over again….You get numb and used to
expecting the worse…expecting nothing, but expecting everything.” Nick then
looks a way and in front of as Terry is turning off the camera and putting his
clothes back on himself.  And he sees Mickey, sees their younger self laying
down in the fetal position with tears coming down his face. He hitches his
voice and looks at Mickey again. “Besides…as fucked up as it was…and as
horribly painful as it got over the years; if this would have never happened
Mick; we would’ve never known what love really was. We would’ve never had Ian
in our lives.”  Nick says looking at Mickey, and Mickey looks at him and gives
him a small smile.
 
 
 
“Mickey? Mickey are you here with us still? Can you hear us Mickey?” They both
hear Dr. Jimenez say to them.
 
 
What’s_happening_Outside_of_Mickey’s_mind:
Mickey looks up at the voice calling him “Yeah…I’m here”
 
 
“Do you remember what happened to you Mickey?” Dr. Jimenez asks him.
 
 
“Yeah…Everything….yeah I remember everything.” Mickey says slowly.
 
 
“Okay. I think that should be it for today. I think our job is done now. So
when I count backwards from 10 you will remember everything and you will be
here home with your family safe and sound okay?” Dr. Jimenez tells Mickey.
 
 
Mickey huffed and looked to the side “It’s time to go now Nick.” Mickey says to
Nick.
 
 
Nick chuckles and looks at Mickey “Who the fuck says I’m going anywhere.” Nick
says with a devilish smile and looks over at Ian and winks at him.
 
 
“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1” Dr. Jimenez said
 
 
When he opens his eyes and looks at everyone. Everyone is silent and they look
at him not sure if it’s Mickey or Nick. No one knows who came back out, who’s
permanent to stay. “Can you tell me what your name is?” Dr. Jimenez asked
 
He looks at the Doctor in front of him and breathes in and out “It’s…..
 
Chapter End Notes
     Now I know what your thinking...why? Well who you guys think came
     back permanently?
     Also the song I put in the begin of the of Nick singing to Ian is
     called "She is love" from the Parachute of course I put he instead of
     she. but this song is from them. I heard it and knew it was going to
     be for this chapter
     Here's the link
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pjh9LLy4nf8
     https://youtu.be/Pjh9LLy4nf8
***** This Torment of Pain *****
Chapter Notes
     Thanks for everyone still staying with this story. soon a new chapter
     very soon xoxoxox.
      
     Hello everyone. Well here's another update. There are triggers in
     this chapter of past child abuse. This chapter like the last one was
     not easy for me to write and is kind of dark especially at the end.
     Also ...I apologies in advance. You'll see why.
     I have no beta so all mistake are mine and I do apologize for that. I
     love your comments and kudos and you guys subscribe and everything.
     xoxoxoxo Let me know what you guys think okay. I do like to read and
     know what you guys think.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
It’s…..It’s me, it’s Mickey…it’s me” Mickey says out loud to everyone with a
huge smile on his face. . They all wanted to go to him, but didn’t. There’s so
many tears and heaviness weight in the room and you could feel it. They all
know the truth now. Mickey knows the truth. What was more disturbing was to
learn that Terry Milkovich was responsible for Mickey’s pain in more ways that
anyone could compare; this was something that the Milkovich siblings felt hit
them the hardest.
 
 
“Now Mickey do you remember everything?” Dr. Jimenez asked Mickey.
 
 
“Yes….yes I remember everything.” Mickey says lowly. His eyes trained only on
her.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez gives Mickey a small smile “Good....(She sighs) Good then our job
is done here for now and for today anyways.
 
 
Collin is looking at his brother from a far. The feeling of guilt hit him as
Mickey stood up from the sofa talking to Dr. Jimenez. She didn’t want everyone
to crowd him and go to him just yet. He was still very vulnerable and Collin
got it. The whole time everyone in that room felt a lot of emotion; everything
from angry, hate, regret, pain, sadness, and guilt. Guilt was the one thing
that the 3 older Milkovich siblings felt the most. Being that they couldn’t
even protect their own little brother from a man who was a monster to them, but
an even bigger monster to Mickey.
 
 
When Mickey continues to talk to Dr. Jimenez quietly from the sofa, Collin was
on auto pilot. He walks up to Mickey and his little brother looks small, but he
looks like he was able to breathe again. Collin couldn’t explain it, but Mickey
looks free. Collin’s the first person to hug Mickey tight and Mickey held him
just as tight; and for the first time in a long time Mickey hears his brother
crying against him. All Mickey could do was hold on to Collin and tell him he
was okay now. Being a big brother, it was Collins responsibility to watch over
all three of his siblings and he knew he failed with Mickey. But now being able
to see him and hear him, be him was the most amazing feeling every.
 
 
“Don’t you ever fucking leave me again okay? Don’t you ever go anywhere you got
that you asshole?” Collin says trying to hold back tears and Mickey just smiles
at his brother.
 
 
Mickey looks around the room and sees Ian. Ian smiles at him and Mickey gives
him a small smile back. But then Ian’s smile fades away when Colt goes and hugs
Mickey and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Mickey is slightly thrown off from
the movement of affection. It’s not the first time Colt has done it, but for
some reason Mickey was thrown off, and is jittery a bit. “Now we can get back
to our lives and plan our whole life Mick.” Colt says and Mickey looks at him
not saying a world and nods his head.
 
 
Mickey then turns and goes to walk to Ian and Ian looks him at again. Both not
saying a word just yet. “You know I thought it was for Nick for a minute when
you came back…I guess I was wrong huh.”
 
 
Mickey gives Ian a small smile. “Sorry man. Sorry that you thought you saw
Nick, but it’s because he’s a part of me you know…Nick is a part of me. But I’m
Mickey and I always will be Ian.” Mickey says and Ian gives him an encouraging
smile, but Mickey knows he’s hold back much more.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez goes up to both men and begins to talk to both of them. “Nick had
allowed Mickey to survive because of what happened to him. Nick was created
because of what Mickey had experienced and went through the first time. Mickey
is braver than he thinks, and that’s because of Nick.” She says to them
 
 
Ian shook his head and tried hard to blink away tears. This was it. “You know
you talk about how he was created or like born or something? But this was the
day he left for good as if died. As if He did.” Ian says to himself chuckling
dryly, but Mickey overhears him.
 
 
“Ian-Ian look, hey I’m sorry okay….Nick is not dead Ian, he didn’t die of
anything okay? He’s always a part of me; he is a part of me.” Mickey tells him.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and god he just wants to hold him; just him in general just
to feel something again because right now his heart is breaking. But he knew
this may happen, he knew there was a possibility, it’s just…… he didn’t know it
would hurt this bad, even more worse than the last time. “Can I ask you
something Mickey?” Ian says to Mickey.
 
 
“Yeah of course anything!” Mickey says without any hesitations
 
 
“What…what did it feel like when you connected with Nick?” Ian asked
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian and sighs slightly, but understood why he asked. He was
about to say something when Colt came from behind and interrupted them. “Look
how about we don’t talk about this right now okay. Maybe Mick wants to just
relax and not talk about any of this! You ever think about that?” Colt says out
of out of nowhere coming from left field or something.
 
 
Mickey gives Colt a face before he spoke. “Look I can speak for myself-okay. I
don’t need a fucking hound dog. It’s okay so please don’t aight?” Mickey says
blunt and aggressively at Colt. Everyone in the room turns their attention to
Mickey. Mickey continues on. “I don’t fucking mind explain to him, he has a
right know!” Mickey spat out and then looks at Ian and speaks to him calmly
then he did with Colt. “Umm uh…I don’t know how to explain it really; it’s kind
of hard to explain. But when I held his hand……and he held mines it was as if it
was me and him against the world. Two people facing something that happened to
them together except when I looked over to see him again….He was gone, but I
can still feel him. It’s just I can’t hear him anymore, and I feel different
and I feel- fuck I feel angry and I just…” Mickey started to say and he became
slightly emotion and had to calm himself down.
 
 Ian looks at Mickey with concern “Hey Mick it’s okay, you’re fine now.” Ian
says
 
 
Dr. Jimenez goes up to Mickey to try and keep him calm. “It’s okay Mickey…Its
common with children who have suffered from sexual abuse at such a young age.
Some individuals who have experience this have their anger taken away and it’s
replaced with fear, and sometimes guilt even. What your experience right now
Mickey is the beginning of your angry and any other emotions a child like you
suffered who fought back to survive. Nick took that so you can survive. So what
you’re feeling now is normal.”
 
 
“I can’t believe you had to go through that?” Mandy says because there was
nothing left for her to say. She couldn’t think of anything as he mind was
still reeling from everything.
 
 
Collin shakes his head. “It’s my fault; he shouldn’t have had to go through
that.” Collin says.
 
 
“Collin hunny don’t.” Leah says going up to her husband and hugging him,
 
 
“No…I didn’t pay attention I didn’t do what I was supposed to do, what I
promised to do.” Collin says in a rush of guilt.
 
 
“Collin it’s not your fault, we all didn’t know, we all didn’t pay attention.
We were all trying to survive and get out of there. You were in school trying
to be better for us to take us away. You didn’t know… none of us knew.” Iggy
says to him.
 
 
Mickey turns to look at his brother. “There right Collin…It’s not your fault
that da-Terry was a monster….don’t blame yourself. Not for this. You’re not
responsible for any of those mother fuckers’ actions and neither am I for
whatever shit Nick did.” Mickey says.  
 
 
Ian chuckle a little and Mickey looks at him when he spoke “Yeah like work at
the club and hitting on me, and all the other shit we did.” Ian says to him
lowly.
 
 
“Yeah… but you see; being with you and meeting you Ian, was the turning point
for Nick.” Mickey tells him. He has to tell him, he has to let Ian know how big
of a part he’s played in his life. In a way he want to let Ian know just how
much he is indebted to him.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey with a puzzled face. “What you do mean turning point?”
 
 
“Well Nick used men, he used woman even, but mostly men or anyone or anything
really. He didn’t give shit about them. He didn’t like them, and he never
trusted them not for second. He used them and didn’t care how or what he did as
long as he got what he wanted. Because that’s how he saw men, that how he saw
woman that how he saw everything…but with you it was different. With you Ian,….
you embraced him, you loved him without wanted to change him. Nick was a loner,
an outsider, someone who didn’t know what love was or what trust was, and you
gave him that….You gave him a home and love without ever wanting anything in
return. Don’t you see that?” Mickey says more to Ian than asking.
 
 
Ian eyes become glassy, but no tears fell down. “You know all that? How do, How
do you know?” Ian asked Mickey.
 
 
Mickey smiles at Ian shyly. “Because I know I can-I can feel how Nick loved and
still does love.” Mickey says not taking his eyes off of Ian.
 
 
Colt Notices this and interrupts everyone, most importantly Ian and Mickey.
“You know what, how about we take the rest of the day off okay.” Colts says and
looks at Ian now as he speaks. “You should really be thinking about how this is
affecting Mickey and not yourself Ian. You should consider what he went through
this whole order and he has to deal with it now as well.” Colt says coldly to
him.
 
 
Ian looks at Colt like he’s gone mad, and was about to say something but holds
back for Mickeys sack. But it was Mickey who looks at Colt and snaps at him.
“Colt what the fuck is wrong you!? He wants to know, so I’m telling him what he
wants to know! The fucks the big fucking problem?” Mickey nearly shouts out.
 
 
And for a minute there just a second Mandy and Ian look at one another and
notice that same attitude they recognized. That’s Nick aggressive attitude
Mickey has, well it was Nicks. But shit if personalities could kill it would be
Mickeys.
 
 
“No Mick! He’s just trying to destroy you and everything you’ve work so hard
for. All he wants is Nick back and he can careless about you.” Colt argues back
at Mickey.
 
 
“Fuck you! No I don’t okay. That not true! All I wanted to know was…fuck I
don’t even know anymore.” Ian says and sounding defeated.
 
 
“Yeah okay whatever you say buddy.” Colt spats out and Ian was this close to
going over to Colt and whipping his ass.
 
 “How about you shut the fuck up, before I make you shut the fuck.” Iggy says
now to Colt.
 
 
“Not unless I kick his ass first” Collin says angrily and stands beside his
brother. “Already starting with your bullshit and Mickey hasn’t even had time
to relax and your starting with stupid shit.”
 
 
Dr. Jimenez decides to step in and cool the situation down before it got out of
hand and before Mickey would break down. Because looking at him now he looked
like he was becomes overwhelmed.  “Gentlemen let me be clear about something
okay; for you and for everyone. Nick is not coming back. He was part of Mickey
and will always be. He was the part of Mickey that his father and all those
people who molested him. That’s a part of Mickey now, his angry, his pain;
every emotion he’s feeling or is going to feel is a part of him. It’s now his
emotions, not Nicks anymore. And with that being said I would rather Mickey be
stress free and not deal with anything right now.” She says looking at everyone
in the room, but lingering more on Colt. Dr. Jimenez looks at Ian now “If you
want to ask Mickey something you can. He’s made it clear you have a right to
know and understand, and I think he is right. But please just be stress-free
with the question okay.” She tell Ian.
 
 
Ian nods his head and looks back at Mickey. “So what about your feelings then?
For me that is, if you feel everything Nick does know.” Ian asked Mickey
looking at him.
 
 
“Oh come the fuck on man.” Colt says out loud and Mandy couldn’t help but smack
him on the side of his head and glare at him. This was not about him and not
the time or place for Colt to be a dick; not to Ian and not and definitely not
to Mickey.
 
 
“That’s what I was trying to tell you before; how I understand what you mean to
Nick and what you guys had. I get it, and I understand how you felt and fell in
love. And you have no idea how grateful I am for that Ian. What you did for
him…what you did for the both of us and that’s true, I could never repay you
enough for that. I mean think about it.” Mickey says and everyone is listening
to him. “With You Ian where would I be? I told you that before, where would I
be if Nick didn’t have you or found you?”
 
 
“He was hiding...he was uh trying to hide and cover himself from the world and
life. He covered his wounds and scars. Never trusting anyone or knowing what
love was.” Ian says to Mickey
 
 
“Yeah…Yeah he was; the scars that were only on the inside, while mines where on
the outside.” Mickey says to Ian.
 
 
“In bad place… he always told me he was in a bad place, where no one can break
him.” Ian says.
 
 
“Yeah, and he never felt like he was worthy of anything good and pure. He never
felt like he deserved love and you save him from that. Because he felt loved;
and you doing that, you not only saved him Ian you saved me as well. You have
no idea how I can never thank you enough for that.” Mickey says to Ian as if no
one is in the room.
 
 
“Yeah….yeah I get that. I know that now.” Ian says. “I just want you to be
happy Mickey…As much as I knew Nick was happy, I knew he suffered inside a lot
and that was something I can never break from him, but I was okay with.” Ian
tell Mickey.
 
 
“Nick gets to share this burden with Mickey, and now Mickey can learn to heal
and become the person that he was meant to be.” Dr. Jimenez says and everyone
in the room agreed in silence. She turns to Ian and walks up to him in concern
for him. “Ian I know this has to be hard on you, are you okay? Do you want to
talk, and I don’t mean because of my profession I mean as a person to another
do you want to talk about anything?” She asked
 
 
Ian shakes his head no. “Nah Doctor, I’m okay, I promise I am.” Ian says to
her, but she wasn’t convinced at all; however she didn’t want to push him. 
“I’m gonna head out okay guys.” Ian says and move to the door with Mandy is
right behind him.
 
 
“Hey Ian!” Mandy says and Ian turns around and hums in responds “You sure
you’re okay? Because right now; I smell bullshit on you.” Mandy lets him know.
 
 
Ian smiles at her. “I’m letting him go Mands…I should’ve did that a long time
ago. You know what the fucked up thing is? That he said he’d never leave me…and
a part of me knew he would anyway…But I am happy for Mickey that he’s well and
he can heal now.” Ian says sincerely and honestly to her.
 
 
Mandy nods her head and hugs Ian tight. “I’m sorry.” She whispers to him. “I
know how much you love him.” She says pulling away from Ian.
 
 
“No Mands I don’t think you do.” Ian said and left the apartment building going
to the elevator and riding it down stairs. Ian leaves the building and gets in
his car in record time. As he’s in the car he looks up at the mirror in his car
and sees a picture of him and Nick and smiles. “You promised you’d never leave
again………….Goodbye.” Ian says and puts the picture inside the glove compartment
and drives off, feeling just as broken as a bottle of glass.
 
 
                                  ***********
 
While back at the apartment Mickey notice Ian leave and how broke he looked. He
didn’t want hurt, he was the last person he ever wanted to hurt. Dr. Jimenez
then comes up to Mickey and pulls him aside. “The hard part was done you know
that right Mickey?” Mickey nods at her. “Now we have to continue and since you
remember everything…mostly everything right?” She asked Mickey.
 
 
“I remember everything…everything he did, everything he let them do to me and
the videos and the picture and the all sexual…..I remember them.” Mickey says
emotionally. Then all of a sudden he starts to breathe heavier and faster. All
of this was becoming too much for him and he feels like the walls are closing
in on him.
 
 
“Mickey? Mickey are you okay? Do you want me to send everyone out of here right
now?” Dr. Jimenez asked Mickey instantly. She knew that he would most likely
have a panic attack and break down. All those emotions are hard to handle at
once, and right now Mickey was doing one things she didn’t want him to do. He
was shutting down and isolating himself.
 
 
Mickey looks at her and nods his head because he’s at the brink of tears and is
having trouble breathing. Mandy notices Mickey and goes to Dr. Jimenez who
explained that Mickey needs space to breathe. Mandy then tells everyone to get
out. Dr. Jimenez looks at Mandy and thanks her, but everyone is confused. She
explains that she and Mickey need to be alone and that Mandy is right and that
everyone needs to leave and go home. Once everyone had left the room, Charlene
closes the double doors and looks at Mickey. He was sitting down on the sofa
now looking at the ground. She doesn’t say anything, so she waits for him to
speak.
 
 
“I remember everything…all the videos….all the pictures, all there touches;
it’s as if I can feel it still. I can feel them on me.” Mickey says as he
begins to cry. “I can feel my fa-Terry….what he did to me…How he-he-he-he raped
me, how he let them rape me over and over again….How he held me down……how they
all held me down and told me not to cry, not to scream and sometimes…sometimes
I did it anyways because it hurt so much……I remember one of them was a doctor;
that’s why I hate going to my check-ups every year. I didn’t get that, I didn’t
get why I always gave any doctor that got near me a fucking attitude and a hard
time. Or when Nick bit the nurse I remember because we-I..I mean I-I, I
especially hated them…….This one time I punched a doctor in his face. I didn’t
get why I did it, I just did. I always felt uncomfortable being in the same
room with one.”
 
 
“The doctor would check on me…I was bleeding when it first happened and Terry
brought him in and to check on me saying they ripped me O-O-open.” Mickey says
stuttering and crying. “The doctor made me do stuff to him…he made touch him,
he would put his fingers in my mouth… One time he put them so far down in my
mouth and I began to choke and he laughed…” Mickey says covering his face and
crying. “Then a few times when he did it again I threw up and I got beaten for
it….” Mickey breathes again in and out and spoke. “I remember when Terry would
burn me with the knife……He would hold the knife over the stove or used a
lighter and then when it was like a red or blue color he would press it on my
arm or legs so that I would learn not to scream or cry.” Mickey says and began
to cry harder.
 
 
After a few moments of just crying; Mickey wipes his face with the tissue Dr.
Jimenez past to him. He tries to compose himself more and after a few more
moments he begins to talk again. “But every time he did it! I would cry more...
He would hit me with hangers and wires when I didn’t do something the men told
me to do… and the woman she would dig her nails in me. She would dig them in so
deep until I bled, then sometimes she would make me touch her and she
would…when I was older she um” Mickey says and he swallows hard before he
starts talking again. “…she made me have sex with her and I remember they
recorded it because I was just there sitting down being told to look at the
camera. Being told what to do to her, and she would grip my neck or pull my
hair and slap me. She’s slap me if I didn’t do it right….. And whenever I
didn’t look at the camera, she would slap me or someone else would hold me from
behind. Sometimes she would hold me down as well.” His tears didn’t stop come
down his face again, and Mickey covered his face because he felt so open, so
vulnerable, so exposed and dirty. Why did this happen to him?
 
 
Mickey didn’t want to speak anymore. He held himself tight and didn’t want
anyone to touch him. He didn’t want anyone to get near him. Charlene knew this
would happen so she left him alone, but told Mandy and Iggy to monitor him. She
knew some of Mickey’s history when he would deal with his stressors, and she
didn’t want him to repeat it. No one knew, but her, but that was for her to
know. She couldn’t tell anyone about his cutting. So she told Mandy and Iggy to
watch him and make sure he doesn’t do anything to extreme, and to not touch
him. There was a possibility of Mickey acting out in self-defence and hurting
someone was a possibility. Charlene tells Mickey she would come by tomorrow to
just check up on him. All Mickey did in response was nod his head and go lay
down in his room. He kept the door closed and laid in the dark; he really
wanted the dark to swallow him whole again.
 
 
                             *********************
 
The next day Mickey was still in his bed, he didn’t move, and didn’t want to
get up. He just stood in the fetal position, not paying attention to the world.
Mandy, Collin, and Iggy were worried. Charlene came over and tried to talk to
Mickey, but he just looked at her and blinked. He shut down, and she knew it;
she went to go touch his shoulder and he flinched away. That was normal for
individuals who dealt with a great deal of pain as Mickey did. She just stood
there with him, not saying a word, not doing anything. It was best not to say
anything until Mickey was ready to speak.
 
 
It went on like this for 3 more days till Mickey got up out of bed and took a
shower and dressed himself up. Charlene came over around 12 and Mickey knew
that. He ate something and waited for her; he was ready to talk. Mandy, Iggy
and Collin tried to speak to him, but he only gave them one word answers. They
took it as a win for them. When Charlene came she was happy to see Mickey was
walking around, so they went into the sala and sat down. Mickey looks at her
and begins to speak.
 
 
“It happened more than once with Terry, and he would take me to these hotels
that these men would rent a room, and he would watch as they….as they-as they
made me have sex with them. Sometimes it wasn’t even sex, they would want me to
touch them….or they just wanted to touch me and get off on it….Sometimes they
would get their fucking kicks off hitting me, and he would watch and not care.
This one time…this one time though this guy marked me, and that was the only
time I saw Terry get mad at someone else for doing that to me. But then when we
were alone he beat me, saying that no one can mark me but him, or that they had
to ask permission.” Mickey says shivering as he spoke. “He…he said I was his
pet, his mistake and that he had to make sure I was tamed to his liking. That I
was the cause of his problems and of his pain so this was why I was
getting…what I was getting because I deserved all of it….He said I deserved to
be a tool. A tool that is only good to be used over and over again.” Mickey
says as he was crying hard, so hard that he didn’t even notice that Charlene
got up and held him close to her. “Nick had to deal with it….Now I see w-w-w-
why; why he didn’t let me remember, why I wouldn’t let myself remember.” Mickey
says out sobbing.
 
 
Mickey and Charlene stood sitting down on the sofa for a while, as Mickey cried
and as Charlene was making circles around his back trying to calm him down.
Call it an intuition or whatever, but neither one of them needed to say
anything. There was nothing but silence in the room. There was no need to say
anything, and no need to speak about anything at that moment. Mickey was a
broken man, who was abused as a child and taken advantage of. He was made to
feel like he was just a tool, an object made to feel used and torn down; he was
made to feel like he was nothing. What hurt the most was that Mickey felt that
again as he remember everything Nick went through for him.
 
 
He remembers the beatings, the slaps, the punches, the smells of each person,
the smells of the rooms, the smell of everything after it all happened, the
taste, the torcher, the burns that were made on his body, the marks that he
looked at in the mirror and never knew what they were or where they came from
till now. And all he wanted to do was be alone and not have anyone ask him a
stupid questions such as ‘if he was okay.’ Because no; no Mickey Milkovich was
not okay, Mickey Milkovich felt alone, and dirty, and wanted nothing to do with
the outside world at this moment. The hardest part was over, he remembers
everything now….However his recovery was a long way ahead of him. And that
would be the determination of whether or not Mickey can actually be free or
not.
 
                                  ***********
 
A few days after the meeting Charlene had with Mickey in his living room;
Charlene felt it was best that Mickey not go to therapy for a bit and have him
calm down and just relax. In those few days he spent his time with Iggy,
Collin, and Mandy as well as Leah and his god daughter. He just wanted to be
around them; however he couldn’t help but still feel a little emptiness in his
heart. He knew he was missing something, but he didn’t want think of it.  He
still didn’t let anyone touch him; only his niece would hug him and he held her
tight never wanting to let her go.
 
 
He never let go of her, and when he would put her to sleep, he would sing to
her and she would fall right to sleep instantly. Mickey found himself wondering
how could anyone want to hurt a child. Looking down at his niece as she slept,
he couldn’t imagine it. After a while Mickey started to hug his brothers and
sister and at one point he hugged them so tight and for so long he didn’t
realize, how much he missed it.
 
 
So now here he was at the Doctor Jimenez office 2 weeks later talking with her
and she was there at his need. “Looking at it now, I feel like my childhood was
taken away from me. That’s why I always had trouble sleeping, and being alone
with people in a room.  A part of me was always scared, a-and I would get night
terror and hide under the bed.  That’s why I had such a hard time concentrating
and remembering things. That’s why I would….” Mickey says then stops talking.
 
 
“That why you would what Mickey?” Dr. Jimenez asked she knows the answer, but
she wants him to say it out loud. He needs to heal.
 
 
Mickey sniffs before he talks trying not to cry or shed a tear. “I would feel
lost, and alone…. For no reason and I didn’t like to feel that hurt. So I did
the only thing I could do to control that hurt.” Mickey says put his head down.
“I didn’t feel like I was in control of my own life, because I wasn’t.  Nick
held on to everything.  And now that I remember it’s like….It’s like I remember
when I was 9 years old and I was trying to stay away from Terry and he started
picking on me on purpose. No one was home. Collin was somewhere; Mandy was out
with her friends and Iggy I think he was out with a girl. But Terry, he started
yelling at me. I got scared and I called for Nick….It was me of course I know
that know.” Mickey says playing with the hem of his shirt
 
 
“Sometimes he wouldn’t let me eat…he would make me starve, and he would eat in
front of me, and if I cried he would slap me and spit food at me……I had to lie
to Collin a few times when he asked me if I ate because I was looking skinny he
said. I would tell him I did eat, and that I wasn’t hungry when he would offer
me food in front of Terry. Terry always told me that I had to eat when he said,
but there were times I would sneak food and eat it without him knowing…He
didn’t know and I made sure of that. Since my brothers were always out and
Mandy was never home really, and if she was she would be in her room. Terry was
a monster and he would use any excuse to hit anyone of us.  That’s probably why
whenever we got a chance we would leave the house; me and my siblings; but it
got worse. I remember it got worse for me, because I went out.” Mickey says and
then stops talking.
 
 
Mickey took a deep breath and continues on talking. “I was always afraid to
come out of my room…always. One time he backed me into a corner and I was
crying and then I wasn’t….He was laughing at me…There were times when he would
touch me…touch me everywhere, and he would laugh at me. He recorded me one
time…recorded himself and others beating me, I told you that right?” Mickey
says to and looks up at Dr. Jimenez, then back down at the floor. He then looks
around the room as he spoke now. “He would use the belt, or sometimes he would
use a hanger, the wire ones, or cords...he-he like to use cords to hit me.
Terry always uses to say “I made you, which mean I can break you.” or his
favorite would be “I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it.”
Mickey says bitterly.
 
 
Events like these went on for weeks and the memories of these events took a
toll on Mickey; not only on him, but his relationship with others as well.
 
                                  **********
                                        
It had been a few weeks after everything happened. Mickey is a whole person
now; however he was still fighting personal demons that he had. Being
integrated came with a price; it came with remembering everything. From
remembering what Nick’s feeling were, as well as remembering the things he did,
said, the way he acted. Which at times Mickey caught himself doing, a few
times; Mickey would catch himself in his room playing with some of the beats
that he made; him being Nick but still none the less him. He would dance to
them and paint or sometimes draw. He would sing out loud and clean, and a few
times Mandy or Iggy caught him. To say they were shock was an understatement.
Seeing their brother like this, and seeing how well he was doing made them
happy. Mickey would flip them off and tell them to go choke on a dick, which in
return they would laugh and so would he. But at times he was very serious about
them doing that.
 
 
During those few weeks Mickey did keep to himself lot as well. However he did
mean what he said to Ian. He wanted to be friends. After all, a big part of his
life Ian was a part of and he felt like he owed him that at least. With that
being said Mickey would text Ian, but Ian wouldn’t text him back. Not at first
anyways. Mickey figured he was angry and Ian needed his space like Mickey did.
But then Debbie and Mandy would come over asking him if he heard from Ian and
he told them no. He tried to call Ian from his house phone and a block number
to see if he would pick up, but nothing. It was as if Ian disappeared without a
trace. No one knew where he was and if he was okay or fine. Mickey started to
get worried and he went to the prescient where Ian worked at; however the
receptionist there wasn’t telling him anything.
 
 
He managed to get something out of Ian’s Captain telling him that Ian went to
New York in regards of work. When Mickey asked what kind of work, Ian’s boss
told him if Ian wanted him to know he would. Mickey got angry at that and told
Ian’s captain to go fuck himself and left. When he found out where Ian was,
Mickey went ahead and told Mandy and Debbie that Ian went to New York. Debbie
then told him that Ian just got back and was home now after almost 2 weeks.
Mickey was relieved that Ian was okay, he was however curious as to why he left
to New York but it wasn’t in his place to ask.
 
 
After Ian got back, Mickey tried again to text him and asks how he was doing.
Ian had finally text him back. At first it was nothing but ‘hey’ and ‘how are
you doing’, but after a few days of them texting each other, they would have
random conversations. Ian would tell Mickey about his day at work and Mickey
would tell him about his day and what he did and shit like that. Mickey really
wanted to ask Ian why did he leave to New York without telling anyone, but he
refrained from asking him that. Mickey never kept the conversation on too long.
He didn’t want Ian to hurt as much as he knew he was hurting. Maybe that was
why he left to New York or wasn’t returning his text messages in the first
Mickey thought to himself. Who knows, but Mickey didn’t want to ask, and felt
it would be wrong to ask anyways.
 
 
It did pang a pain in Mickey’s chest when one day he asked Ian what he was
doing that night. Ian answered him saying that he was going out to the club to
have a few drinks with Mandy. So Mickey decided to call his sister up.
 
 
“Mandy.” Mickey said
 
 
“Yeah Mick what’s up?” Mandy answers as she was getting dressed.
 
 
“Ian said yah going to the club tonight?” Mickey asked
 
 
“Yeah why wanna come along?” Mandy asked excitedly, hoping her brother would
come out and have some fun. But also hoping that seeing Ian dance with random
guys would get Mickey’s head out of his ass and hopefully have him want to be
with Ian or at least or start something. Mandy really wanted her best friend
and brother to be happy. She saw how he was when Nick was around and couldn’t
help but feel that for some reason, they did belong together whether Mickey was
Mickey or not. However Debbie had pointed out to her that if Mickey wanted to
be with Colt they can’t force him not to. But that didn’t mean that Mandy
couldn’t somehow get her brother jealous, so that way he can calm Ian as his
man….wow that sounded so wrong in her head.
 
 
“What? No nah, I just wanted to know what club yah going to that’s all?” Mickey
asked curiously.
 
 
Mandy found that odd “Ooookay…so if you don’t want to go then why are you
asking where we’re going?” Mandy asked Mickey
 
 
“Just wondering that’s all.” Mickey said
 
 
“Well we’re going to Boy-Town at the old club you use to work at. Figured as
Ian’s best friend, I have to get him back on the horse you know. You being with
Colt and what not or… I mean are you guys together or what?” Mandy asked all of
a sudden.
 
 
“No-I mean yeah, yeah we are. It’s just I need my space to figure shit it out
you know. Then with Ian going M.I.A and you know the whole therapy and
remembering and shit…….but yeah we’re together. I just wanted to know where you
guys were going is all. I figured we could all hang out and shit, but yah going
out so…” Mickey said trailing off.
 
 
Mandy however saw through her brother’s bullshit “Hmmm okay, well if you want
to come you can. We’re gonna be there probably all night dancing and shit.
Hopefully Ian gets laid and I get to persuade a gay guy that a beautiful woman
as me can definitely ride him straight; or bisexual at least.” Mandy said.
 
 
Mickey laughs bitterly at that. “Yeah okay bitch keep thinking that shit. I
worked with half those guys they ain’t fucking you trust me.” Mickey said
 
 
“Yeah but what if I say I use to be a man? I mean I look too much like woman,
but I mean you never know.” Mandy said jokingly
 
 
Mickey looked at his phone like his sister was on some shit. “Are you that
desperate for dick that you have to lie about that you use to be a man to get
laid? Because if you are, then you’re fucked up more in the head than I am.”
Mickey says to Mandy laughing at her over the phone.
 
 
“Nah I just want to win this bet I have with Debbie. Loser has to pay up and be
the other ones slave for 2 weeks.” Mandy tells her brother.
 
 
“What the? Mandy I think you have a really serious fuckin problem.” Mickey said
to her.
 
 
“Yeah and what’s that?” Mandy asked as she was putting on her make-up while
talking to her brother.
 
 
“Being a dumbass, with a gambling problem.” Mickey says.
 
 
“Fuck you Mickey! It’s always good to be young and stupid. Let me live my
youth.” Mandy says and she over hears Mickey snort at that over the phone.
“Look Mick, if you want to come out, come out okay. I have to finish getting
ready yeah. See yah later.” Mandy says and hang up the phone.
 
 
Mickey looks at his phone and sighs. He was stuck at home by himself….should he
go out? Should he not? FUCK! Why did this bother him so much? Ian is free to do
whatever he wants, he’s not with him and he’s with Colt….yeah yup Ian can go
out with whoever he wants? And get laid and drink at a club where he can hook
up with anyone……yeah.
 
                                  ***********
                                        
Mandy and Ian go to Boys Town to dance and have some fun. Ian’s been down and
has been trying to get himself back up. It’s hard, but he’s managing with
Debbie and Mandy helping him. They were right though he needs to happy just as
Mickey needs to be as well. Ian wants Mickey to get better, wants him to be
happy, and if being with someone else and getting himself situated means that
he’s not with Mickey? Well okay then. Mickey was trying to keep his word to Ian
and still wanted to be friends, but that was hard for Ian at the moment.
However he did want to tell Mickey that maybe it was best for them not to
speak, to cut tides. But then Debbie reminded him that Mickey needs support
from everyone and that maybe Ian should move on and start over. Which is why he
didn’t say to anyone, but Debbie about the offer to go back into the Marines
and train soldiers this time around and not see combat; however Debbie was
upset that he even was considering it.
 
 
He did also get an offer to transfer to move to either New York or Seattle
police department as well, which was why he left for week and a half hiatus.
 So Ian had a few options, he just didn’t know if staying was the best or if
leaving was. He didn’t want to leave Mickey, but he was doing fine now and
Debbie did tell him she would go with him anywhere. Just that if he considered
going back into the Marine she was going to kill. She was against him leaving
her again, she couldn’t take it.
 
 
So now Ian was in the club drinking and dancing with random guys. He saw a
familiar face at the bar and greeted him as Jeff saw him to. Turns out Jeffery
decided that bartending was more his style then dancing on stage. Ian and Jeff
had a small conversation, he did ask about Nick and Ian brushed it off saying
they weren’t together anymore and to not mention it. Jeffery understood and
continued to flirt with Ian. After a few drinks both boys were dancing on the
floor together, numbers were exchanged that night and Jeff kissed Ian. Ian at
first didn’t know that to do, but he kissed him back. Mandy saw the whole thing
and couldn’t help but feel upset, yet not upset. She did after all get him out
the house to find a guy and hook up with. But fuck she was sure Mickey would
have at least come and something would happen with them…Guess we all can’t get
what we want right?
 
                                  ***********
 
A few nights later Mickey and Colt came home from a dinner date they had one
night. They’ve been going out every other night to dinner, the movies or
whatever. Colt was trying to woo Mickey and it was working in a way. It took
Mickey’s mind off Ian and it felt good to not worry if Ian was okay, or to
think of therapy and the session that he was having with Charlene. He just
wanted to not think and these outing were helping in some way. So right now
they stood in the living room and Mickey was looking for something to play on
his game system. He was in the mood to kill zombies as he told Colt. So when he
decided to play Resident Evil 6 he was happy about it. When Mickey turns around
Colt wasn’t in the sala any more. He called for him
 
 
“Hey Colt!” Mickey yelled out. When he didn’t answer, Mickey went to go find
him to see where he went “…hey…um what’s going on here man?” Mickey asked when
he found Colt in his bedroom holding something in his hand.
 
 
“Say yes Mickey.” Was all Colt said to him.
 

Mickey looked at Colt weird. “Um no…what am I saying Yes to? What is it Colt?”
 
 
Colt gets down on one knee and Mickey is looking at him weird. “Mickey…you’re
the love of my life…will you marry me?”
 
 
Mickey is in shock and doesn’t say anything at first. This is sudden! This is
what the fuck is this? This is too sudden right now? Was all Mickey could think
at this moment. Then his mind drift to what he thought a few weeks back. About
Colt being there for him, sticking around and not leaving; a person wouldn’t do
that if they just wanted to hurt you right? Yes, he should say yes he thinks.
Yes…… right? But then a big part of him, a big huge part is telling him “NO! NO
Mickey you can’t marry him! Do you even love him!? Do you even Love you!? But I
can learn to love him.” Mickey knows he can, he cares for Colt and fuck what
does he do? “Ummm...I ah ….Shit Colt I.” was all that came out of Mickey’s
mouth.
 
 
“Just say yes Mick. Me and you, we’ve been through some heavy shit okay. And I
know I haven’t been the best person, but I love you… Isn’t that enough? We can
finally move on and take the next step forward.” Colt tells him
 
 
Mickey is thinking that yeah it should be, shouldn’t it. But he doesn’t know
what to do or how to think or what to say. “Colt can um…fuck can I?” Mickey
says and turns to leave his room. He’s heading out the door, but stops when he
hears Colt again.
 
 
“Mickey! Mickey what is it? Please don’t leave! Mick answer, me please.” Colt
says
 
 
Mickey turns around and looks at Colt. “I’ll be back…I uh I have to go I have
to talk to someone….Just ah…stay here okay, I mean you can go home or um…fuck I
can’t answer you right now. I have to clear my head first please.” Mickey says
and walks out fast out of his apartment and leaves. He gets in his car and
drives to the one place that he thought he could get some answers from. He
needs to get make a decisions and right now. He’s not so sure that saying yes
or saying no is right.
 
                                  ***********
                                        
Mickey calls Mandy but she wasn’t answering her phone, he even went ahead and
called Ian, but he didn’t pick up.  Mickey text Debbie to see if she was home;
she texted him saying only Ian was home and that she would be home soon. So he
drives up to the Gallagher house and sees that Ian is in fact still home. His
car is park outside, that’s a good thing. He needs to speak to someone, someone
who he knows he can trust. And yes he trusts Ian. After everything that
happened, Ian is someone Mickey thinks he can trust, plus Nick trusted him and
Mickey felt that and still feels it.
 
 
Mickey walks up to the door, he was going to knock on the door, but remember
that Ian and Debbie always kept the door opened. So he opens the door and goes
inside. He hears noises upstairs, so he figured Ian was home in his room. He
felt it was best to wait down stairs, going upstairs was too personal and maybe
that would affect his and Ian’s relationship of what they already had. There’s
more noises and Mickey is calling Ian’s phone but he’s not answering as he
hears it going off. It’s in the kitchen he sees it. He goes to it and then he
hears laughing, it’s Ian’s laughter he hears and someone else’s?
 
 
“Ian?” Mickey calls out. “Ian are you home!” Then Ian comes down the stairs in
shock, and is looking at Mickey. From what Mickey can tell Ian is flushed and
has…is that a fucking Hickey on his neck?
 
 
“Shit Mick…I didn’t know you were here?” Ian says buttoning up his shirt trying
not to look at Mickey. It’s the first time he’s seen him since the whole
integration happened.
 
 
Mickey feels awkward now. Maybe he should have waited for Debbie to come home.
“I ah…I need to talk to someone. I tried to call, but you weren’t answering and
then Debbie said you were home and she’s on her way. So I figured I either wait
for her or um… you know. Talk to you since you’re here and-” Mickey was saying
but was cut off when someone familiar came down to greet them.
 
 
“Oh shit Nick! I ah…” Jeff said who is shirtless and his pants where undone.
Mickey noticed all this. Jeff looks at Ian. “I thought you said you guys were
over? Why’s he over here?” Jeff asked Ian.
 
 
“We’re friend still asshole.” Ian said dryly but then looks at Mickey and sees
his shocked face. “So Mick what’s up?” Ian asked him.
 
 
Mickey isn’t thrown off by Jeff calling him Nick, no one at his old job or his
currently one at the shop knows about his disorder. They didn’t need to. Not
there fucking business. Mickey looks at both him and Jeff and he thinks to
himself “so Ian moved on….good for him.” Mickey thinks. “Good for him, he
should, it’s what is best” He thought to himself. It’s what is best for the
both of them. “You guy are fucking!?” Mickey asked bitterly looking at Ian. Ian
said nothing and Jeff smiled at Mickey. Mickey sighs. He knew this was a bad
idea. “You know um...Nothing I ah…I really needed to talk to Debbie about
something, but I see you’re busy here. So Ima wait in my car for her to get
home, so you two fuckers can keep fucking around. Excuse me.” Mickey says and
is on his way out the door.
 
 
Ian is right behind him and stops him at the front door. “No! Hey Mickey wait!
Look I know what it looks like.” Ian says but Mickey cuts him off.
 
 
“No Ian I do, plus you’re a free man you can fuck whoever you want! But really
fucking Jeff? Of all people him!” Mickey said and he is pissed off. He knew he
shouldn’t be but he is.
 
 
Ian looks at him and looks back in the house. “Look Mick…” he sighs. “What’s up
man, are you sure you okay? You don’t need anything?” was all Ian can ask or
really say to him. The situation wasn’t the best, and he knows that.
 
 
Mickey smiles at Ian. “Nah man…I just wanted to catch up and ah see how you’re
doing, but I can see you’re doing pretty well…” Mickey says looking at Ian then
shakes his head. “Fucking the club slut and all.” Mickey says as he points to
the hickey on Ian’s right side of his neck.
 
 
Ian blushes slightly, yet gives Mickey a look and wants to ask if he’s jealous
but doesn’t. “I’m fine Mick….you sure you’re okay? You came over because you
said you need to talk.” Ian asked him again.
 
 
Mickey smiles and nods his head. “No yeah, I just needed to talk to Debbie. She
said she’ll be home soon, but you were here so I you know figured you were able
to talk…but you’re busy so. I mean beside I need to speak to her more anyways.
I’m trying to figure out what to get Mandy for her birthday and the bitch gave
me a hint saying that Debbie knew what she would want….Fucking bitch never
makes shit fucking easy for me I swear man.” Mickey says lying to Ian. He
didn’t know that Colt asked him to marry him, he moved on and he should. It was
only right.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and is trying to see if he was lying or not. And damn it!
He can’t tell if he’s lying or not. “Okay… I mean are you good? Nothing more
you need or anything?” Ian asked hopefully.
 
 
“Nah man…I’m just gonna wait in the car, or go get some food. I‘m fucking
starving actually.” Mickey lies; Ian doesn’t need to know he came from a dinner
date with Colt and now he feels like vomiting all of his food back up.
 
 
Ian nods his head and Mickey walks down the street and gets into his car. Ian
goes back in the house and Mickey got his answer. Ian’s with Jeffery of all
people Jeffery. Fucker couldn’t he have gotten someone else at least and not
that dumb fucking STD walking tramp. Mickey thought to himself. No…no he has to
be happy for Ian. Plus Ian moved on, and so should he. He’s got his answer.
 
 
Mickey doesn’t wait for Debbie he drives off back to his loft apartment where
he left Colt at. The man that proposed to him the one that…that he has to love,
the one he should love.  Mickey gets back to his loft apartment and is not sure
if Colt is there or not. A part of him is hoping he’s not, but in Mickey’s life
luck wasn’t something he got. So Mickey walks in his apartment to find Colt
sitting in the sala staring at a picture of them.
 
 
“Yes” is all Mickey says
 
 
Colt looks up at Mickey when he hears him “What?”
 
 
“Yes Colt…yes I’ll marry you.” Mickey says again, and Colt walks up to him.
 
 
“You sure, because I mean you left out and fuck Mick I thought.” Colt says but
doesn’t finish his sentence.
 
 
“Yes…Yes I’ll fucking marry you okay. I just need to think and clear my head
and make sure I would make the right decision. So yes, my answer to you is yes
okay? You happy?” Mickey said almost bitterly but skeptical giving Colt a
smile. Colt but Colt doesn’t pay attention to that, and puts the ring on
Mickey’s finger.
 
 
“I love you Mickey so much, with all my heart.” Colt says to him and kisses
him.
 
 
Mickey kisses him and yes this is the right decision for him. The only thing he
thinks is right.
 
 
Colt starts to try and move them to the room to celebrate their engagement.
Both men are making out and things get heated up pretty fast. But Mickey stops
Colt. “No” Mickey says in a whisper.
 
 
Colt gives him a face. “Why? Why the fuck not? I mean I thought we would
celebrate after all. Plus we haven’t done it in a while Mickey. I’m kinda
getting blue balls over here.” Colt says to him nipping at his neck as he talks
 
 
Mickey pushes him away and shakes his head “No…I can’t.” Mickey says to him,
and Colt looks at him with frustration.
 
 
“Okay again why? I mean what the fuck Mickey?” Colt said annoyed at being
stopped by Mickey.
 
 
“Colt I…fuck I don’t want sex.” Mickey says to him. He hasn’t been sexually
active since remembering everything, and he knew it might be a problem. After
remembering everything, sex is out of the question for now.
 
 
Colt looks at him and really looks at him as he steps back. “Again…I’m gonna
ask why the fuck not? Since when do you turn down sex?”
 
 
Mickey walks away from him and sits on the edge of his sofa “Look it ain’t you
okay, it just. After remembering everything and what I feel. I can’t okay. I
don’t want sex, I don’t want to be touched in that way and I don’t want to..,
shit I don’t even want to fucking look at porn okay! I just, can you please.”
Mickey says to him.
 
 
Colt pinches his noise and looks at Mickey and goes up to him. “Mickey you know
I don’t fuck you, and when we did I didn’t like it. I’m gonna be the one
getting fuck here and you’re gonna enjoy it like always.” Colt tells him.
 
 
Mickey looks at Colt confusingly; he didn’t get it. “Colt no! No okay, I never
like it, yeah I do sometimes but not all the time okay. Plus… plus you don’t
know, sometimes I would….but they sometimes they would make me.” Mickey says
and he can’t finish any sentence about it.
 
 
Colt just give up. “Fine…you know what, how would I know anyways? You don’t say
shit to me anyway Mickey. I asked you about the session and you don’t even tell
me. Shit even fucking Ian went to one of your sessions and not me! God man.”
Colt huffs out.
 
 
Mickey gets up and looks at Colt like he was fucking crazy. “Are you fucking
kidding me?” Mickey says in a low hiss voice “Ian went to that session because
I need answer about Nick okay, and that was before I was integrated. Plus are
you really gonna do this now. Right when you proposed to me, right when this is
supposed to be something both me and you should feel happy about. But instead
you want to start a fight?” Mickey says to him.
 
 
Colt looks at Mickey and nods his head. “You’re right I’m sorry okay. I just… I
don’t.  You know you have to speak what’s on your mind, and stop holding it
in.” Colt says as he grabs his coat and heads to the door. He turns around to
look at Mickey and says softly. “Call me in the morning okay. You’re worked up
and we both know that when you’re worked up you don’t like to be around no one.
I’m not mad, I’m frustrated and I hope you get that….it’s just I hope you can
talk to me you know. I’m gonna be your husband right?” Colt says and makes his
way out the door.
 
 
Mickey sits back down and looks down at his left ring finger. This is supposed
to be a happy moment spent with someone you love, someone who gets you, who
understands you. But instead he’s alone, and it’s because of him he feels it’s
his fault again.  And for once in his life, he honestly wishes that he wasn’t
him at all. Not with what he’s feeling and thinking. Before Mickey can think he
goes and tries to calls Colt before he can leave and get in car and tells him
to come back and not to leave. Mickey doesn’t want to be alone and is afraid of
what he might do.
 
 
He’s able to catch Colt before he leaves. Mickey tells him to stay and not go.
He can tell that Colt is reluctant to come back in the apartment and stay.
Mickey asked Colt if can stay the night with him tonight to just hang out. That
maybe tomorrow they can at least go out with his brothers and sister so that
they can celebrate. Colt looks at Mickey suspiciously, but caves in and gave
Mickey a hard kiss, which Mickey gave him right back. Mickey tried to explain
to him what he was feeling and Colt sat on the sofa with him and just listened
to him. When Mickey didn’t want to speak about anything or about the abuse he
just leaned on Colt and Colt wrapped his arms around him. This is what he
needed.
 
                                ***************
 
It turns out Mandy and Iggy were already going out tonight when Mickey had
called them yesterday night. But they were going out with Ian and with Jeff.
Mickey didn’t miss the look Mandy gave him and the stink look she gave Colt
when they entered the bar. Collin was already there with Leah and they were
enjoying the night. Everyone was drinking and Ian looked like he was done. Colt
didn’t say anything, he was happy about his engagement to the man he loved and
wasn’t about to let nothing ruin it. Not even his fiancé ex. 
 
 
Colt knew Mandy didn’t care for him. Ever since shit went down, Mandy verbally
informs Mickey that Colt is no good. However she let her brother be and said
nothing more. Colt could care less, because it’s obvious Mickey doesn’t care to
listen to any one anymore.  Not to mention it looked like to Colt that Ian was
moving on and had someone with him. So Colt didn’t care how affection he was
being with Mickey in front of everyone.
 
 
However the new engaged couple didn’t notice Ian staring at them and he was
becoming uneased around them. He still wasn’t over everything and right now he
just wanted to drown his mind in alcohol and not think for a while. Seeing Colt
hugged up on Mickey and knowing Nick is gone and now he’s all alone, just
sucked. Mickey didn’t seem to care that Ian was there when Colt kissed him and
he kissed him back grabbing his ass. It almost made Ian want to puke but he
just took another shot of vodka and focused his attention on Jeff.
 
 
During sometime at the beginning of the evening Colt had got a call from his
job for him to come in to the hospital. He hadn’t even gotten one drink in and
said he would be on his way. Mickey gave him a protest look, but told him he
would make it up to him. Colt gave Mickey a long kiss which Mickey smiled into
and kissed him back. He then left and left Mickey with his brothers, sister and
Ian with his new love interest.
 
 
More drinks were being pasted amongst everyone and Mickey was happy; well
considering he had taken a happy pill before he left the house and was
drinking. He was what we would call, feeling nice. Ian on the other hand was
becoming more trashed and was talking with Jeff at the bar. They were flirty
and touchy feely from what Mickey saw, but he didn’t care, he didn’t want to
care so he made himself not care. Mickey made his choice, and so did Ian. All
is well as it should be. Or was it?
 
 
Ian and Jeff disappeared for about 20 minutes and no one saw Ian until he came
back out and sat on the bar stool emotionless. Mandy was worried about him, but
Ian told her he was fine. After seeing Mickey leave his house and the fact that
Jeff was with him; Ian couldn’t help but feel worse. He knew he was using Jeff
to place the void of losing Nick, but he didn’t care.  Jeff had asked why did
everyone call Nick Mickey and Ian told him it was his really name. That Nick
was just a stage name. Jeff didn’t say anything more about it.
 
 
Ian got drunk out of his mind, and knocked over the bar stool and walks
outside. Mickey glanced at Ian; Jeff seemed like he didn’t care as he just
laughed and sat down drinking more. Mickey makes a face and goes to go see if
Ian was okay.
 
 
Ian walks out of the bar drunker than ever. He leans on the wall near the
alley. He continues to walk along wall of the alley and goes to sit down on the
benches across the street near the park. He was done and out of it. He was
emotional and pissed the fuck off.
 
 
Mickey follows Ian and walks up to him. He looks at Ian before he speaks “Ian
are you okay man?”
 
 
“Who me?” Ian laughs out.
 
 
“Come on man let me get you into a cab or some shit so you go home.  I have to
get back inside to my brothers and Mandy man, and you with Jeff.” Mickey said
 
 
Ian just shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. “I feel bad for love, for
loving. You know it always seems like someone is gonna end up alone
regardless…I mean I did. I mean I am.” Ian says drunkly. “But hey I guess I’m
lucky right….I sometimes see Nick when I see you right?” Ian said and he wasn’t
making much sense
 
 
Mickey sighed “Ian please? Nick he-he’s gone okay man. You have to pull
yourself together.” Mickey said to him
 
 
“See when Nick was with me, he was with me… He wasn’t gone; but you, you Mickey
I don’t know where you were at when Nick was with me. So since Nick is a part
of you right….so was it you who I was making love to? Was it you I said I love
you to? Where you making love to me?” Ian asked confusingly drunk.
 
 
Mickey sighs again and looks around and then back at Ian. “Ian please… we have
to move on I thought you said you were okay with everything or at least you
made it seem like you were. We have to get past this….we said we would be
friends at least.” Mickey says to Ian.
 
 
Ian stands up and laughs. “First it was Adam….now Nick. Fuck it’s like I’m
destiny to be alone because I should fucking be alone…It’s like loving me is a
curse or something.” Ian says and then looks at Mickey “fuck it” He says lowly
and grabs Mickey and kisses him.
 
 
The kiss immediately becomes heated and Ian is grabbing on to Mickey for dear
life and Mickey is kissing Ian back just the same. For a few more seconds the
kiss continues but then Mickey pulls back and pushes Ian back. “Fuck. I’m not
Nick Ian!” Mickey shouts to Ian
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey shakes his head “No… no you’re Mickey.” Ian says to him and
looks at him more in a different way.
 
 
“Then why did you kiss me if you know I’m Mickey and not Nick? You know what,
don’t answer that shit okay you’re drunk and that’s why you fucking kissed me.”
Mickey says.
 
 
Ian looks at him and stands up more straight “You think whatever you want” Ian
says
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian and is thinking to himself on what he should do. “Let just
get you in a cab okay. Come on.” Mickey says and grabs Ian’s arm and walks him
over to the street and calls him a cab. Mickey gets in the cab with Ian and
takes him home.  When he gets to the Gallagher house, he is happy to see that
Debbie is home. She helps Mickey with Ian and gets him upstairs. Debbie asked
Mickey if Ian drunk away his emotions or something and Mickey couldn’t help but
nod at her question. She told Mickey she had Ian and thanked him.
 
 
Mickey left home and when he got there his mind was in a thousand places at
once. He touched his lips and remembered how Ian’s lips felt in his. He pushed
his thoughts away and went to go to bed and rest-off his whole day away.
 
                              *******************
 
Mickey had developed a new routine, just like he had before, but slightly
different of course. He would get up early to do a work out, eat breakfast, and
go to the shop but only for a few hours within the day. It wasn’t like he use
to do it and be there for 12 hours or more in a day. He only worked for about 5
hours. Then he would go to therapy 3 times a week now. He’s been working on
being more comfortable around people again, and it’s working. He told Charlene
about the not wanting to have sex and she said that it was perfectly fine. He
mentions Ian and the kiss they shared. She asked him about, but he said it
meant nothing to him. Or that was at least how he thought he felt about it. Ian
had text him the next day and apologising for the way he acted and all was
forgiven. Friends…they were friends and that was how it was going to be.
 
 
Mickey had mention the engagement to Charlene. He told her that he only told
his siblings, who seemed like they were happy but also not happy at the same
time. Collin had even asked Mickey if he was sure about wanting to Marry Colt.
Mickey told Collin yeah he was sure, even though Mickey knew he was lying to
himself and everyone else. Deep down inside he wasn’t sure he wanted this.
Mandy straight out told him she didn’t like it, and that she would easily
handle Colt. But Mickey told her no, which got her upset, but she kept quiet.
Iggy….well Iggy; you can say he didn’t have much to say. He looked like he had
a lot on his mind. However Iggy did ask him in private if Colt forced it on
him. Which then lead to an argument and Mickey told them all to go fuck
themselves as he wasn’t a fragile fucking child. Charlene told Mickey it was
normal for his siblings to be concerned for him. And that maybe he should sit
with them and talk about things more clearly instead of arguing with them. She
reminded Mickey that they all felt guilty and that it seemed that they had a
need to protect him, which there was nothing wrong with that. But she did tell
Mickey she understood how he felt and encouraged him to at least express
himself to his siblings.
 
 
Even so with the advice Charlene gave Mickey; him and his siblings didn’t speak
much about the engagement after words; maybe it was because Mickey didn’t want
to hear it. Or maybe it was because Iggy and Collin seemed to have something on
their minds. He didn’t know. Anyway on this particular day Mickey didn’t have
therapy so Colt came over to spend time with him and start planning the
wedding. Colt wanted to make a decision of when they should get married. Mickey
didn’t want to talk much about anything he just wanted to watch TV and lay down
and be lazy really.
 
 
So now here was Mickey with Colt on his sala. Colt was saying something but
Mickey wasn’t paying much attention to him. “Hey you? Did you hear me?” Colt
asked Mickey.
 
 
“hmph” Mickey says in response looking up at Colt from the TV. Colt just gave
him a face “No. No I didn’t.”
 
 
Colt huffed and was annoyed at being ignored. “You’re not taking this shit
seriously Mickey!” Colt says to him.
 
 
Mickey sits up from the sofa and shrugs his shoulders. “Look I just wanted it
to be lazy day okay. I don’t want to think or talk or…look I don’t want think
okay. I just want to relax and I’m having a hard time doing it… like right
now.” Mickey says as he tries to avoid talking about the wedding.
 
 
Colt looks at him and grins. “Well I do have a method to relax you if you want
me to?” Colt says to Mickey and goes to lay on top of him and starts kissing
him.
 
 
Mickey was kissing Colt back and they were making out.  It started to get heavy
pretty fast and Colt started to move his hips against Mickey. Mickey moaned
slightly and deepens the kiss between him and Colt. This wasn’t that bad Mickey
said to himself. Colt started to dry hump and Mickey was caught off guard. 
Colt didn’t notice Mickey froze when he started to dry hump him faster and when
he grabbed Mickey’s crotch a second latter. Mickey was frozen completely under
Colt and Colt was kissing Mickey’s neck and sucking on it. Just then Colt
slipped his hand into Mickey’s pants started to rub on him.
 
 
Why didn’t Colt notice Mickey wasn’t moving or enjoying it, he didn’t know why.
Mickey couldn’t move or make a sound, his eyes teared up and a tear slid down
his cheek. He didn’t like this; he didn’t want this, not yet! He wasn’t ready
yet, everything was still too fresh for him. It being almost 3 months since he
remembered everything he couldn’t do this! Not now. Mickey instantly snaps out
of his thoughts and pushes Colt off of him. Mickey shoves Colt off of him so
hard, that Colt falls to the floor as Mickey gets up from the sofa and wipes
his face quickly.
 
 
“What the fuck Mickey!” Colt shouted to him
 
 
“No! No I’m not ready I fucking told you that!” Mickey shouted back at Colt.
 
 
“Are you fucking kidding me Mickey! I was trying to help you relax for fuck
sacks man! Fuck!, I’m getting fucking blue balls over here right now! How long
am I gonna have wait till you sort your shit out! It’s in the past Mickey all
that happened in the fucking past man!” Colt says and gets up from the floor
and walks over to his work bag.
 
 
“Fuck you Colt! You don’t know shit, so fuck you, you piece of shit!” Mickey
says and is beyond pissed
 
 
“Excuse me?” Colt said looking at him
 
 
“You heard me didn’t you!? Are you fucking deaf? Do you need to clean your
fuckin ears and get them shits check the fuck out. I. said.” Mickey says and
starts speaking to Colt sarcastically “Are. You. Fucking. Deaf! Do you need me
to explain to you, you fuckin inconsiderate ass what that means dick breathe!”
Mickey yells out at Colt.
 
 
Colt glared at Mickey before he speaks. “You know what? Fuck you Mickey! When
you’re all well and shit and not being a bitch! Call me. Okay? Till then why
don’t you go fuck yourself.” Colt says and takes his shit storming out of the
apartment, leaving Mickey alone.
 
 
Mickey stands in the middle of his apartment for a few moments in silent.
“Fuck” Mickey says and decided to leave and go outside. He needed to get out of
his apartment, he felt closed in as big as it was he felt closed in. Colt’s
been trying hard to get him into bed, and Mickey keeps telling him no. He’s not
ready, it’s not time; he needs more time to stop feeling guilty and dirty. Why
is Colt not getting that shit, why does he not understand at all? If he so call
loves Mickey why is he not giving him time? That’s all Mickey needs is time.
What a fucking asshole.
 
                            
Mickey puts his sneakers on, and puts his leather jacket on and leaves his
apartment. He starts walking and finds himself walking to somewhere somewhat
familiar to him. He goes to the pier and is walking by himself letting the cold
air hit him. He’s 24 years old and has so many problems, one being his asshole
of a fiancé, and the other himself.  He goes and sits on the benches looking at
the lake. He just sits there and is thinking about everything. Tears begin to
swell up in his eyes. He lets out a few tears and wipes them away quickly, but
the tears are still leaves his eyes, and now there puffy and red. He wants to
be normal again, that’s what he wants, but he had no idea that this was the
price. His sanity, his life, his emotional state and it’s just tiring.  He
decides to walk around some more, clear his mind a bit. He somehow walked
towards Lincoln Park and spots Ian. Ian doesn’t spot him, but he sees him with
a guy. It’s not Jeffery, at least that’s what he thinks, he can’t tell if it
is; but Mickey doesn’t like how the guy is leaning on Ian and smiling at him as
Ian says something. Mickey shakes his head and he knows he has no right to be
jealous of that guy all over Ian, but he is.
 
 
Mickey then decides to turn around and leave, hoping Ian doesn’t spot him.
Apparently this was not Mickey’s day because he hears Ian calling him as he was
walking away.
 
 
“Mickey! Hey man what’s up!” Ian says and jogs up to him. 
 
 
Mickey turns around and smiles at Ian, but Ian’s face falls a little when he
see Mickey’s eyes and how red they are. “Oh hey Ian!” Mickey just says and
looks at the guy next to Ian. “I’m good man; just going for a walk is all.”
Mickey says and tries to look someone where else other then the guy who has his
arm wrapped around Ian’s arm. “So who’s this guy?” Mickey asked Ian and the
shorter guy makes a face at Mickey and Mickey raised his eye brows at him
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and his friend, well not friend. More like the blind date
that Debbie set him up with. “Oh this is ah Nate, Nate this is Mickey a friend
of mines.” Ian says and Nate nods his head and waves at Mickey who nods his
head back at Nate.
 
 
Mickey smiles at Ian and Nate then says. “Well um, I gotta go, so enjoy yah
date okay.” Mickey said and leaves both men there. Mickey walks back to his
apartment faster than he ever did. He closes his door and goes into the
bathroom and just throws up. He looks at himself in the mirror and cleans his
mouth and makes his way into the sala.
 
 
Seeing Ian on a date with a different guy that wasn’t Jeff was a good thing.
God did Mickey hate Jeff. But still seeing Ian with someone else…well it was a
good thing. Yeah a good thing Mickey thought to himself. Mickey’s now in his
sala siting down on his laptop looking at things for the wedding. He figured
maybe if he surprised Colt with a few things he thought would be okay for the
wedding he would back off a bit.
 
 
Mickeys mind then went back to what Colt said; the truth was sex just didn’t
interest Mickey and he wanted Colt to get that. He figured he would if he
explained to him why, but how many times does he have to figure it out or
explain to him. It’s just….it was hard to explain to someone else for various
reasons. Sure Mickey didn’t talk to Colt about the abuse and what Terry did to
him, but that was hard to tell anyone who wasn’t his doctor. He still had a
hard time talking to Charlene as it is. It wasn’t easy for him, not to say he
didn’t try to talk to Colt about his feelings and what he was feeling, but even
so. Colt should have understood on some level at least.
 
 
Mickey abandoned his work on the laptop. He poured himself a drink and he was
now nursing his drink of Hennessy when he hears his bell ringing. Reluctantly
he gets up and goes to the door. When he opens it, he didn’t expect to see the
one person he thought would come to his house.
 
 
“Hey.” Ian says to him and holds up a pack of beer and takeout food in the
other hand. “I figured we can hang out or something. I tried to call you, but
you didn’t answer or you’re phone died or something….Is this a bad time or
something? Is Colt here?” Ian asked all in one shot
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian and gives him a small smile. “Nah man, come on in.” Mickey
says and Ian walks in. As they walked into the sala Mickey looks at Ian and
spoke again “I thought you were with that guy, like on a date or something?”
Mickey asked
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and smiles. “Yeah, yeah I was, but the guy was kinda
boring. Plus all he did was walk about himself which sucked….and he’s not my
type.”
 
 
“So why were you out with him if he ain’t your type?” Mickey asked
 
 
“Debbie. She ah set me up on this blind date and said I need to get back out
there or some shit.” Ian said not looking at Mickey.
 
 
Mickey just nods his head and sits down. “So you thought to dumb your date and
come to here to me?” Mickey asked him
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey as he takes out the food and opens up a beer for himself
“Honestly….you looked like you could use a friend to talk to. I know I haven’t
been the best person or a good friend and we agreed that we would try to be
friends but…” When Mickey looks at him and frowns, Ian continues to talk. “Your
eyes were kind of red and your face was a bit puffy. That’s the same face you
make when you’re angry or when you cry. So I figured might as well end the
shitty date I had early, and see if you were okay.” Ian says not taking his
eyes off of Mickey.
 
 
Mickey nods his head and said nothing as he started eating his food. Ian didn’t
say anything either. They both just sat there in silence and watched TV, but
eventually Ian was itching to know what was wrong with Mickey so he asked “So
you okay?” Ian asked Mickey who took his eyes away from the TV to look at Ian
now.
 
 
“Yeah” Mickey said nodding his head at the same time.
 
 
“You’re a bad liar.” Ian tells Mickey giving him a small smirk
 
 
Mickey snorted at Ian. “You should talk, you’re worse.” Mickey said smiling and
then looked down at his food. He wasn’t hungry anymore. He puts the food down
on the coffee table and leans back and sighs.
 
Ian decided to try again and ask. “So you going to tell me or do I have tickle
it out of you.” Ian said and Mickey looks at him and gives him the finger.
“What wrong Mickey? Did something happen, with you and dumb fuck.” Ian says to
him. Mickey nods his head and is still looking down at his hands. “Wanna talk
about it?” Ian asked after Mickey didn’t say anything to him
 
 
Mickey shrugged his shoulders at first in responds to Ian’s question. He then
looks up at Ian and then at the TV screen. “He got mad because I didn’t want
have sex with him……and we got into a little argument and he left. Nothing to it
really.” Mickey said like it was nothing
 
 
Ian turns his body and looks at Mickey. Mickey looks at Ian briefly and sees
that Ian frown his eye brows together and is looking at Mickey with concern.
“Wait a minute, wait a minute, and the fuck wait a minute. He got mad because
you didn’t want to have sex? What the fuck?” Ian asked
 
 
“Me and Colt haven’t slept together since everything happened, even before
everything and me getting ready to be integrated….we didn’t sleep with one
another. He said he got blue balls or some shit but I told him I don’t want
sex. I’m just not interested in it after everything, but apparently he’s not
getting it, and he’s not patient. So I told him to go fuck himself and that he
didn’t get it and he left. Simple as that nothing major.” Mickey simple said
shrugging his shoulders and drinking his beer.
 
 
“That doesn’t explain why your eyes were red? And I mean…God I can’t believe
I’m actually trying to help you with that dick head. But…but have you tried to
explain to him why? Like why you don’t want to have sex and why it doesn’t
interest you as much.” Ian asked Mickey
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian again. “You were all there; you know what happened to me.
He knows and I told him he has to wait. But he’s not fucking patient and I’m
not about to give him something I don’t want. I did that for years and I….It’s
hard to talk to him about what happened to me because…I feel dirty and he
doesn’t get it.” Mickey said quietly. Ian looked at him and furrowed his
eyebrows at Mickey.
 
 
Ian chanced it in asking Mickey. “Do you want to talk about it now? What
happened to you? I mean I know what happened but I know there’s a lot you don’t
want talk about or say.” Ian asked quickly to Mickey expecting him to tell him
off.
 
 
Mickey just shifts his body and looks at Ian. His left leg is hanging off the
sofa and is bouncing up and down. He looks down at his hand and doesn’t say
anything for a few minutes.
 
 
Mickey is thinking about what to say; there’s no one else he speaks to about
what happened to him other than Charlene. There’s no one else that he is
comfortable with other than her, but for some reason, Ian. Ian just makes him
feel comfortable and safe. So he chances it and starts talking as he gets flash
back of memories and tells Ian.
 
 
“You know there were times when Terry would put me in the shower, hit me with a
belt in there and then turn the water on hot really high, then back to cold…..
When I would be in the cold water sometimes he would leave me in there till I
turned blue.” Mickey said and his eyes swelled up as he tried not to cry and he
looked over at the TV. But Ian could see how watery his eyes were becoming as
Mickey is speaking to him. “That would happen when he would say that the
customer who paid for me wasn’t satisfied and that I had to pay for it… for my
mistakes because I was a mistake.” Mickey said and a few tears came down his
face and he wiped them away quickly. No words were to be said as Ian just
looked him as he spoke.
 
 
“There were other times with Terry, when he would; it wasn’t just those two
times I mentioned before when you all heard it. I lived that more than once;
and Nick took it for him and hide it so, so, far deep inside that if I could I
would erase it from my mind if it were possible….Terry would come in my room at
night all the time…….but it wasn’t to say good night like regular parents
do…No, see he would fondle me under my bedclothes. As young as I could remember
I would try to protect myself with pillows and hiding under the bed. Pretending
to be asleep was never an option…He always touched me, made me do thing to with
the other men, or other woman.  He would let them touch me, force me to smile
for the camera.” Mickey says now as he’s sobbing. He was trying so hard to hold
it in, but he couldn’t.
 
 
“He would always tell me, that I had to pay for being born. I was his mistake,
his reason for being miserable. He would sometimes say that if I didn’t do what
I was told he would sell me off to someone and that no one would want me
anyway; No one would want someone who was used up. He would tell me he wishes
he never had me, or that he wished that my mother would have aborted me like he
wanted her to. He would say that the men who paid for me wanted me, so he would
give me up to them for a price….I always felt dirty after they were done with
me. Even when I took a shower I was being recorded. One time I was crying in
the shower and this guy hit me. He hit me so hard that I still have the scar of
when I fell back and hit my back against the corner tile of the bathtub. The
men….they always said that sometimes crying spoiled their fun, but that they
like to know I was in pain none the less. They said crying made them upset
because they had to hear it over and over again and it was annoy to them….I
later on stop crying because I was all cried. No matter how many times I cried
they never would stop.” Mickey said bitterly out loud and his eyes were angry
with tears. He sniffed and sighed but continued on talking looking away from
Ian and spacing out as he talked to him.
 
 
“Terry would tell them that I would do anything because I was disgusting human
being….I sometimes can still hear their voices in the back of my mind, as they
would tell me things. As they would be behind me and would…they would rape me
over and over…They always told me that I was a good boy for doing what I was
told…. As I got older thought they would-Terry would sometimes let them use
objects to um…to do things to me. One time one of the guys made me….he made
me…he said that I had to…” Mickey couldn’t finish saying what he was saying
because now he was sobbing harder. “I always felt dirty, and whether it was him
or any of them, I never felt clean. I still sometimes don’t feel clean as if I
can feel them still on me hovering over me with their breath and their spit and
their…their smell and everything! It just makes me sick and I don’t want to
have sex because it reminds me of so many things.” Mickey says covering his
face now and is crying harder. Ian gets up and goes to Mickey in an instant and
holds him close.
 
 
Mickey cried and no words were to be said as he held on to Ian. Ian held on to
Mickey telling him it wasn’t his fault, and that he was safe.  Mickey buried
his face in Ian shoulders and let out a cry that even Ian never heard from him.
Ian wanted to kick Colts ass, because Mickey shouldn’t have to explain to
anyone what he just explain to him. Not unless it was his doctor or that he
himself where ready to talk about it. This was beyond him, and Ian now wishes
even more that Nick would have let him pull the trigger killing Terry when they
were at the old Milkovich house. Because to see and hear Mickey cry the way he
was right now, hurt Ian more than anything. Never did he think a person can be
so cruel to another human being. Not like that, not with their own child.
 
 
Both men now stood their sitting down holding each other without saying a word.
Mickey calmed down after 10 minutes of just crying. He then lifted his head off
of Ian and looked at him and smiled. He put their foreheads together and closed
his eyes not saying a word. Mickey let his tears fall as he kept his eyes
closed and he felt Ian wipe them away. Mickey needed a friend and Ian was just
being that for him. And at the moment he was thankful for that more than
thankful…He was grateful to have Ian here with him. Just then Mickey felt Ian’s
lips on his and he kissed him as well. When they stopped kissing and after a
few seconds Mickey opens his eyes to see Ian’s eyes still closed. Mickey pulls
back and Ian slowly opens his eyes and looks at Mickey. Mickey gives Ian a sad
smile and shook his head “We can’t Ian….I can’t do that Colt. We’re” Mickey
begins to say but then is cut off.
 
 
Ian cuts Mickey off. “I know” Ian said “…I know me and you just friends, and I
know about you and Colt.” Ian said and Mickey looks at him warily. “Mandy told
me, I would say congrats but your mans an asshole.” Ian says and laughs, which
then made Mickey laugh as well.
 
 
“Sorry… I didn’t.” Mickey started to say
 
 
“You don’t have to, and I shouldn’t have kissed you. I came here to help you
and be a friend. Not an asshole.” Ian says and pulls away from Mickey. “I
should go thought; I think my stay here is over spent.” Ian says and starts to
get up.
 
 
“No…no please just stay with me…forget about the kiss and just stay….I really
don’t want to be alone right now….If you want you can call Mandy, tell her to
get her ass over here or some shit.” Mickey says to Ian looking at him. His
eyes were red and he did look miserable and drained.
 
 
Ian nodded his head yes and sat back down with Mickey; they spent some more
time together just talking and Mickey was feeling better. Mandy ended up coming
over after Ian text her. She stayed for a bit like she had been doing every
day; the three of them sat and talking and played video games and Mickey was
happy. Ian was happy as well, and he was looking at Mickey in more of a
different way than before. Mandy said she had to go, and Ian decided to leave
as well. Mickey took this day as a good day, one that started out to be shitty,
but then turned around to be a good day. Ian and him are friends and that’s how
it’s supposed to be…now to deal with other things.
 
                              ******************
 
Collin, Iggy, and Mandy drove up to the familiar street; a street that they
haven’t been to in years. They saw the house they grew up in, the house that
was part of the reason their childhood was hell. Behind those walls, and behind
that door where stories of pain and memories that won’t be forgotten.  They
waited and waited, till the nurse left, which was most likely for a grocery
run. Once she was gone the three siblings went in from behind the house. The
locks had been changed, but one thing a Milkovich always knew how to do was to
pick a lock. Collin went ahead to the door at the back and unlocked in a matter
a seconds really. Turns out he hadn’t lost his touch after all these years.
 
 
Mandy was the first one to walk inside, then Iggy, and Collin last who closed
the back door behind him. The house looked different; there were medical
supplies on the table, prescriptions of medication, and an expensive blender,
which look like it was to blend food for that asshole to eat. Mandy walked into
her old room and saw it full with boxes of shit. And her old bed was all the
way in the corner, it was never moved. How ironic she thought. Iggy and Collin
went into their old rooms as well. Collins room was made to look like it was
just to store shit as well just like Mandy’s, and Iggy’s room had a medical
machine and supplies and more boxes.
 
 
Each sibling walked out of their rooms and looked at each other. They knew what
they were looking for, and why they were here. His old room, his old favorite
room….They opened the door and saw one Terry Milkovich lying down in a hospital
bed hooked up to an IV fluid with an oxygen tank and mask on his face. Monitors
around him they observed and saw; Collin could read the monitors and knew how
Terry was in a shitty condition.
 
 
Iggy picked up a clip board that was on the side of the table in the room.
“Cancer…that dumb fuck has stage 4 liver and lung cancer.” Iggy said bitter.
“De deserves worse than this.” Said Iggy.
 
 
Mandy huffs and shakes her head at her father, no not her father. At Terry, a
man who wasn’t even a man. He nothing more than scum, even death is too good
for him. Suffering was something she thought suit him. “Yet he’s out here free
to what….Live the last of his pathetic life?” Mandy says out loudly, and
bitterly hoping it woke up Terry.
 
 
Collin walks up to the right side of the bed and looks down at his father.
“They should have kept him in no matter what. Dying or not, he deserves to be
locked up.…not here, not in this place…not with what he did.” Collin says low
and venomously.
 
 
Iggy walks up to the left side of the bed. They all had gloves on, all took
precaution just in case; Iggy grabbed Terry’s hand where the IV was stuck in
and pressed down on it. Making his father no; Making Terry look up at him. 
Iggy chuckles and steps back and Mandy kicks the bed hard.
 
 
“Wake the fuck up you piece of shit!” she shouted to him. Her eyes were
diabolical. She had more than rage in them; she had more than hate in them. She
had what her brothers had in her eyes. Revenge.  “You like touching little kids
huh?” She says to him more than asking.
 
 
Terry looks around and sees it was his three children, minus one. His children
he hadn’t seen in years.
 
 
“Nah Mands, he just like touching Mickey is all….right daddio?” Iggy says
sarcastically, but deadly as he put more pressure on Terry’s hand and arms. He
then took a hold of the oxygen air tube, and cut the circulation off by
gripping it and holding the air pinching the tube making Terry grasp for air.
 
 
Terry screams as loud as he could which wasn’t that loud. Cancer is a horrible
thing, especially when it’s in both your lungs and liver. A tear rolled down
his face “please.” Was all he said in a very low whisper voice.
 
 
Mandy and Iggy chuckle lightly and shake their head at him. As if they couldn’t
believe, that Terry would beg for them to stop. All three siblings knew they
had about a half an hour tops before the nurse would come back.
 
 
“Stop!” was all Collin said. Iggy lighten up on putting pressure on the IV
needle and let go of where he was holding on to the air tube. Collin walks up
more closely to Terry. Terry looks at them all, as he is able to breathe again
after Iggy loosen up his grip. His eyes were dull, face expression motionless.
Collin notices all of this in Terry. Mandy and Iggy look at Collin and notice
something they’ve never seen before in his eyes. Pain, guilty and suffering all
in one mixed with rage. “You’re lucky we don’t take you and torcher you like
you did to Mickey. Because I can assure you, you piece of shit. What we can do
to you, would have you begging us to kill you in within 10 minutes.  Especially
since you still have your teeth and finger nails; those would go first…” Collin
says then leans back. “No see…what where gonna do, is make sure that…well that
this whole process is done faster.” Collin says and looks at Mandy and Iggy.
Mandy takes out the syringes from her bag and hands it to Iggy, who then looks
at Collin who already had his hand out to him. He gave it to his brother
without thinking twice.
 
 
Collin takes it and looks at it then, at Terry. His narrows his eyes as he
speaks “You see…I made a promise to mom before Mickey was born. I told her that
I would protect him, Iggy and Mandy….See she knew what kind of monster you
were. She stopped you once with me, but I guess I couldn’t stop you with
Mickey.” The room became still all of sudden and Iggy and Mandy looked at
Collin now. Not at Terry, just at Collin. “Why did you do it to him?” Collin
begins to ask Terry; some part of him wanted the bastard to answer him. He
wanted to know why Mickey.  
 
 
“Why him? What did Mickey ever do to you huh...was it because he had moms eyes,
her attitude?” Collin asked and nothing came from Terry as Collin expected
“….well guess what? You broke my brother, tak shcho teper Terrens, ya povynen
zlamaty tebe zaraz. (So now Terrance, I have to break you now)” Collin says to
him. Without a second thought, Collin stuck one big syringe into the IV cord
and watched the bubble of air go inside. Then Mandy went ahead and took Terrys
arm roughly and stuck the other air syringe in his vein where the IV needled
was at. She put the IV needle back on his arm and stepped back. Iggy then
walked over with his syringe to the IV and stuck it in as well. He never took
his eyes off his father and Terry never took his eyes off his children. Never
mind that each of the Milkovich siblings had a couple of tears come down their
eyes. But it wasn’t for sorrow, no not for Terry. No fucking way! It was for
there brother….it was also for them.
 
 
Collin continues on talking as Iggy checks the machine, making sure everything
was going according to plan. “You see they say that when air and a large amount
of it, is injected into your blood stream with a syringe; just like this one or
any for that matter the compression is bad. See if air is displace enough blood
in your heart, it no longer is pumping blood, but rather it’s compression air.
SO since we just pushed in three syringes full of air, well you can only know
what’s going to happen right Terrance?” Collin says cynically to his father.  
 
 
Collin started too smile even more cynical at Terry, as he sees his father is
starting to have much harder time at breathing. “See I’m gonna school you in on
something of what I know. The air which I just pushed in you will prevent the
right part of your heart from pulling in blood from your vena cava. I’m smart
huh Terry. Think of it as pulling something heavy with a really stretchy kind
of rope.  It goes to your heart like this and then to your lungs and it should
be well, like it’s about to happen to you right now; and well it’s painful.”
Was all Collin said to him.
 
 
They watch on as the man they called their father years ago, the man that took
away their life, their childhood, their little brothers sanity away; as he now
took away their happiness and gave them pain; They watch as he dies. He was
dying and it would look like a stroke, or a heart attack, who knows. The
medical examiners may or may not do an autopsy. Being that they need the
permission of his last living relative and of course neither sibling will give
consent. But right now after watching their father grabs his chest and look at
each of them. The siblings had no remorse for him. They did not feel not one
ounce of regret or sadness. Not one ounce of pain for him, because he deserved
this. They felt that he did, and that he shouldn’t have the right to be out in
the world while their little brother suffered at the hands of his abuse for so
many years being humiliated and used. No, he did deserve a more painful death,
but this was as clean as it would get for them, without bringing any suspicion
to them. Leave it up to them, and no one would ever find the body of Terry
Milkovich.
 
 
When it was all said and done; they waited 7 minutes of him not breathing to
know that it was safe to say he was gone completely. The machines kept beeping
off. Mandy, Iggy and Collin walked out of his room and went out through the
back door. They didn’t say a word as Collin opened the door for them to leave
and just before he left he looked back into the house. He looked all around and
without a word he closed the door behind him and locked it, just like he had
unlocked it. They made their way to the car and just as they drove off and were
at a stop light. It was Collin who broke down covering his face and banging on
the car steering wheel over and over again.
 
 
He wasn’t crying because of what just happened and what they all did. He was
crying because it was over, because now maybe just now…His younger siblings
especially Mickey can move on and heal. Most importantly him; knowing that
Terry Milkovich is no more and no longer alive in this world, maybe, just maybe
they can all heal from this torment of pain.
 
Chapter End Notes
     So that was ending of this chapter. I just wanted to point out that
     I'm not to familiar with the laws for when it comes to prisoners and
     them being released due to them dying and having their last days out.
     I do know some of it and know it varies from state to state, but I
     don't know which state allows it. .Plus I do not condone murder, even
     though I think people who hurt children should be locked up for life.
     Death is something i do not wish upon no one, but for this chapter I
     did see the Milkovich siblings giving their father a more darker
     death, but this was the more clean up way of doing so, and trust me I
     would have been a dark way, but I didn't put it. In addition let me
     know what you think okay. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. I'm
     writing the next one as we speak.
***** There's Nothing like you and I *****
Chapter Notes
     so there is slight trigger warning of past memories of abuse, nothing
     major. Again I have no beta so i'm sorry for any mistakes here. I
     hope you enjoy this chapter and ...well I'm sorry.
     Please leave me comments and i love your kudos and that you guys like
     this story and subscribe to it. Makes me feel i'm doing something
     right. So here it goes only a few more chapters left then she is
     done. I hope you guys like this chapter and aren't made at me about
     it.
     Also the song Nothing like you and I is the title of the this chapter
     and I felt like it well, went with it. So here's the link to it. It's
     an awesome song and great band.
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EuVr5t9Sq8
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The death of Terry was something none of the 4 siblings bothered to blink an
eye at. Mickey was indifferent about it; he remembered going to see Terry with
Ian when Nick was out. He didn’t want to think of anything as the police came
to his house and told him and his siblings.  Collin, Iggy, and Mandy weren’t
affected by it and Mickey saw that. He knew he didn’t have to say a word about
it. The medical examiner asked if anyone was going to pick up Terrys remains
and it almost made all of them laugh. That was one thing they would not do;
however Mickey had another idea.
 
 
Once he found out the state cremated Terry, he went and got his ashes, and
forced his siblings to go with him. Of course there was a fight.
 
 
“Why the fuck do we have to do this? He was a shit father and with what he did
to you?” Mandy said to Mickey.
 
 
“Because Mandy.” Mickey simply said to her
 
 
“That’s not an answer Mikhailo.” Mandy snaps at him.
 
 
“Mendi laska.” Mickey said to her “Ya povynen zrobyty tse, ya povynen znaty,
shcho VIN naspravdi ne bulo. (Mandy please. I have to do this I have to know
he’s really gone.)
 
 
“Ya ne otrymaty yoho Mik” (I don’t get it Mick) Iggy now says to him. It was
kind of new to them, but Mickey speaking their native tongue. It was weird yet
not. Nick did it, which meant Mickey knew all along how to speak Ukrainian.
That fucker.
 
 
“Hey, davayte hovoryty po-anhliys’ky. (Hey let’s speak English) I think these
people are getting offended and think we’re talking about them in Ukrainian.”
Collin says to them out loud so much that people look over at him. He gives
them the finger for good measure.
 
 
“Trakhny yikh” (Fuck them) was all Mickey said and went to get the ashes of
Terry. Once he came back, he had bag that had a box in it. He handed it over to
Collin who took it without question and they left.
 
 
Collin still didn’t get why Mickey wanted to pick up Terry ashes. He didn’t get
a chance ask him, because Mickey stops the car in front a house that Collin,
Iggy and Mandy thought that he would never want to come back to again. “What
the fuck are we doing here Mickey?” Collin asked him.
 
 
Mickey looks over at his brother grabs the box of ashes and gets out of the
car. All three siblings followed after him. Mickey stood in front of his old
family house door and looks at it before he walks up those steps. Without a
second thought he just simply kicks in the front door. He walks in and no one
was here. As no one should be; why would they be? Mickey looked around in the
sala first and walks more into the house. He looks back at his old bedroom
door, but didn’t go into it. Instead he went upstairs to that room. That
fucking room! Iggy goes to try and stop him, but Collin motions for him not to.
They simply followed Mickey up stairs and wait to see what he was going to do.
 
 
 
 
When Mickey gets up stairs, he stops in front of the door. He closes his eyes
and as if it was just like yesterday he hears and remembers it. “Please stop”
he’s begging them. The other man came up to him, and brushed his fingers across
his chest and tells him “Don’t worry Nick? Either way, do remember are game.
We’re gonna make you feel good and you’re gonna make us feel good okay.” Mickey
opens his eyes and looks at the door even angrier; he goes and opens it slowly.
He steps in and stops, he’s breathing faster and harder. He’s looking around
and the wall paper is the same, that didn’t change. He instantly remembers
where the bed was at, where the toys were, where the camera was at, where
everything was and he didn’t realize that he was shaking until Collin came from
behind and held him close. He flinches at Collins touch but then relaxes as he
knows it was his brother in there with him and no one else.
 
 
Mandy and Iggy were outside the door looking in and they couldn’t really
stomach it. But they did it for Mickey. Mickey took the box and threw it across
the room and said nothing at first. His hand balled up into a fist and he
yells. He just yells as loudly as he could and then put his hand up to his face
and screamed more as if he was screaming at Terry “I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE
YOU. I WISH I WAS DEAD, I WISH I NEVER WAS BORN SO I DIDN’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH
THE MEMORIES OF WHAT YOU  FUCKING DID TO ME!...” Mickey screams out and his
breathing hard “... I WAS A FUCKING KID, A CHILD! (tears start to come out as
he yells out) …. I WAS YOUR CHILD! .....WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST BE A FUCKING
FATHER! ….. I HATE YOU, I FUCKING HATE YOU!” Mickey says and tries not to cry
anymore but couldn’t. “Why couldn’t you just be a dad….why couldn’t you just
leave me alone….why didn’t you just give me up if you hated me so much….” And
for a long moment there was silence in the room and all you heard was Mickeys
sniffling, trying to stop himself from crying and get his breathing under
control. “Why couldn’t you have died and not mom?” Mickey says last lowly and
sadly as Collin held him tighter.
 
 
“it’s okay Mickey…It’s okay I got you. Terry can’t hurt you anymore.” Collin
says to him as Mickey tries to steady his breathing.
 
 
Once Mickey breathing was alright he wipes his face and turned to look at his
brothers and sister. He didn’t have to say anything as they looked at him. But
all he did say was. “He loved this room so much…might as well let him rout in
it right.” He then turns around and unzipped his pants and pissed on the box of
ashes. When he was done he turned around and left the room, and god did he want
that room to burst up into flames.
 
 
They all left the house and Iggy was the one who drove them back in silence.
Nothing needed more to be said. Now if that house just so happened to burst up
in flames with it being that room first….well it was no ones fault that
supposable there was old faulty wiring that hadn’t been check out in years.
 
                                  ***********
 
Three weeks had passed since the fire at the old Milkovich house happened. Of
course that was an investigation; however the fire department ruled out arsine
and said it was bad wiring, which the siblings knew because it was an old house
that no one really lived in anymore.  Nothing needed more to be said, so it was
time to fully move on and that was exactly what Mickey was doing. He was moving
on, preparing for his wedding, which he and Colt didn’t set a date for yet. He
was still being friends with Ian, which seemed to be okay, but wasn’t.
 
 
See even though Mickey was trying to be friends with Ian, it was hard. Ian
would go out on dates and he would tell Mickey about them, and Mickey would try
his hardest not get jealous. It wasn’t that it was getting hard not to get
jealous. It was just that his feelings for Ian were becoming more than just
friendship; and that wasn’t good. He had feelings for both Colt and Ian and
that made shit complicated, but Mickey was with Colt end of story.
 
 
Mickey and Ian hung out with each other, by each other it was always with Mandy
and Debbie together or just Mandy. It was okay….at least he guess it was okay.
Mickey was with Colt, and he was going to marry him. Mickey made a choice, a
wise choice, because Ian was moving on, and doing what Mickey told him to do,
which was live his life. Do other things, and move on from being with Nick.
 
 
So with that being said, it shouldn’t have bugged Mickey that Ian was doing
what he told him to do. However it kind of did in a way. So Mickey threw
himself in his work, and in his routine. He and Colt were making good on their
relationship; they still hadn’t had sex. And Mickey didn’t tell Colt about the
kiss that he and Ian had. But Mickey noticed Colt was being different. Mickey
did try to let Colt in more and tell him why things were a bit uncomfortable
for him. Colt was being somewhat positive and supportive, but always did try to
push a little.  They got up to as far as groping one another, which was a step
up from just making out. I mean they still got into fights especially when Colt
wanted to take things further, but he would back off.  But Mickey himself was
different as well. He wasn’t taking no one’s shit, not anymore, which was
something he ended up learning to embrace and it didn’t go unnoticed either.
 
                                     _____
 
Whenever Ian would hang out with Mandy and Mickey, he sometimes would bring
Debbie along. She was taking a break from school, so now she just worked and
focused on her a bit more. And Ian was okay with that; just as long as she was
doing something and not staying home. Debbie loved to hang out with Ian and the
other two Milkovich siblings whenever she could. Plus it was more for Ian
anyways. Seeing as for some reason being around Mickey send a chill of spark
inside of him that was both amazing and yet scary, and Debbie saw this.
 
 
Ian started to see things and feel things that amazed him every time he was
with Mickey. He was so amazed by Mickey that he didn’t notice things about him
before that he saw now. Ian had noticed a lot of things; like how Mickey would
hum to himself and sing when no one would be looking. Or how he was more
dominate with his right hand but used a fork or spoon with his left. How when
he was nervous he would chew his bottom lip or thumb when he was thinking about
something.  How whenever he was upset or mad he would cover it up by going to
punching bag and just hitting it. There was this one time Mandy and Ian went to
Mickey’s house and they heard him blasting Music and singing. Ian couldn’t help
but be hypnotized by it. Mickey would draw a few things and showed his siblings
and Ian. It was weird but it was as if he was discovering so much about himself
that Ian couldn’t help but be happy to see Mickey smile when he finish drawing
something. To Ian, Mickey seemed like he was free in a way and that comfort
Ian. He noticed a lot of things that attacked him to Mickey more and that was
beginning to be a huge problem for him.
 
                                   _________
 
One night Mandy told Mickey that she invited Ian and Debbie over because she
wanted to hang out and chill. She asked Mickey if it was okay; and at first it
wasn’t. Mickey wanted to know why they couldn’t got to Mandy’s house and chill
there, but then he remembered that they were fumigating the building and that
she was staying at Collin’s crib. Collin told Mandy and I quote. “No fucking
parties at my house Mands when I’m not here!” and since Collin was back in New
York for a week. No parties in Collin’s language meant no guest, no guys, and
no fucking in his apartment. He was mood killer, plus last time Mandy had a
party or had anyone come over to Collin’s place….. Well let’s just say his bed
ended up down stairs being used as a slide to go down from the top floor to the
bottom. To this day Mandy still doesn’t remember how that happened. All she
knew was she and her friends along with Mickey were having a good time, and
being high and drunk made it even more better.
 
 
So Mandy told Mickey that she invited them over and at first Mickey was
reluctant. Then Mandy mentioned that Iggy was coming over later so they all
could watch a movie, smoke and drink. Of course he did cave in.  Ian and Debbie
had arrived when Mickey was in his back room playing on the piano looking out
the window. For some reason this relaxed him a lot when he was nervous or
anxious. Mickey didn’t know why he was so nervous, because this was Ian and
Debbie coming over to hang out. Not like they’ve haven’t before in the past few
weeks.
 
 
Mickey didn’t hear when his sister and his friends came in his house because he
was in the back room. And as Debbie and Mandy went into the kitchen to get a
few things ready for the movie, Ian stepped back and heard music being played. 
He went ahead and decided to follow where the sound was coming from. In
Mickey’s back rooms he hears the piano being played louder as he approaches the
room and he stops in place once he found Mickey playing.
 
 
There Ian saw Mickey playing the Piano humming something to himself and Ian
just stood there looking at him and smiling. And yeah, Ian was still amazed at
how Mickey was playing with his eyes closed, and humming a song. Ian sees
Mickey look down at the key board, then back outside and then finally he closes
his eyes. Mickey was playing a song from the Perishers “Nothing like you and I”
and it was beautiful to see this man play and hum to the song. This man who
drove Ian wild, yet he couldn’t have him and he missed him so much. It wasn’t
even Nick he missed, he missed Mickey. They text, they talked, they hung out
with their sisters, a few times they hung out a lone at a local diner near
Ian’s job.  Mickey said that he went to the diner because he loved the pie
there.  It was the little things, but Ian was falling for Mickey and he didn’t
know why he was falling so much more harder than before.
 
 
Ian must have been in a dazed or something because then the music stopped and
he looked at Mickey who was looking back at him with his beautiful blue eyes.
Ian smiled at him and Mickey smiled back at him.
 
 
“What are you doing here? Spying on me Red?” Mickey said to Ian and gets up
from his seat.
 
Ian laughs lightly. “No….just listening to you play…it was ah… it was
beautiful. Beautiful to see you play…like you were in your own world and
nothing else matter….and it was my favorite song as well.” Ian tells Mickey and
Mickey can’t help but see Ian blushing.
 
 
Mickey ends up blushing as well and smiles much brighter than he did before.
“Well I like the Perisher, there pretty good…..and at least some one
appreciates me playing them” Mickey said teasingly.
 
 
Ian gave him a weird look “Why would no one want to listen to you play?” Ian
asked him
 
 
Mickey just shrugs. “Colt says it’s too loud for him.” Mickey says making air
quotes “Saying I never use to play, why do it now or some shit, and that he
didn’t know I could play. But then I tell him to go fuck himself and walk off.
(Mickey laughs) He doesn’t like it to fucking bad for him.” Mickey said and
walks out the room with Ian following him into the sala. And with that Ian just
smiles harder at Mickey. The attitude Mickey has now is something Ian also was
growing to love even more.
 
 
Mandy and Debbie came back out from the kitchen and both of them looked like
they were up to no good. “Hey guys we forgot to get some soda and the
sandwiches.” Debbie says as she makes her way to the door with Mandy not too
far behind her.
 
 
“Yeah so were gonna go get some okay, be right back in a few!” Mandy yells out
and they close the door quickly leaving Ian and Mickey in the house…..alone….by
themselves…..yup!
 
 
Ian and Mickey looked at each other and just shrugged their shoulders and go
sit down on the sofa. Mickey put something on TV and goes into the kitchen and
brings out some water bottles for him and Ian.  After about 10 minutes there
sisters still didn’t come back. Ian figured they did this on purpose, mean
while Mickey was texting Mandy.
 
 
“Mandy said that there’s some kind of problem at the checkout line. Something
about the registers not working or some shit and apparently none of them are
working right.  My sister’s full of shit.” Mickey said
 
 
Ian was looking at his phone. “Maybe or maybe not look.” Ian says looking at
his phone that had an alert “seems like parts of a Chicago down town are having
malfunction or some shit. Some places are saying black outs and stuff. Turn on
the new really quick.” Ian says and Mickey did so.
 
 
“So it turns out there’s been a power outage due to work that was being done.
So Mands is telling the truth.” Ian tells to Mickey who nods his head in
agreement as they watched the news.
 
 
“Well I’m watching a movie without them. No one told them to go and forget
shit. SO that’s their fault.” Mickey says and he plays the movie. They were
watching the new Hunger games Movie.
 
 
During the movie, somehow Mickey and Ian move closer together and now were
sitting close to each other. Mickey didn’t mind the contact with Ian, they were
friends. So they stood like that for a while and Mickey was getting sleeping.
He tried to keep his eyes open. When he realized he couldn’t keep them open he
decides that he gonna go into the kitchen to make some coffee and splash some
water on his face. However as soon as he gets up from the sofa to do just that,
he felt dizzy and sat back down. Ian looked at him and asked if he was okay.
When Mickey didn’t say anything he turned to Ian and made a face at him and
held his head as if he was in pain.
 
 
“Mickey?...Mickey!” Mickey didn’t say anything and that seems to worry Ian and
the way Mickey was making his face and holding his head….Could it be?
 
 
Mickey grunted. “Fuck I have a headache man, and I’m light headed” He says
 
 
“Nick?...Nick is it you…fuck man this can’t happen again! Mickey! Mickey fuck
are you okay? Mickey is it you?” Ian asked frantically and Mickey looks up at
Ian with a frown on his face.
 
 
“No it’s me Ian…Mickey….I just have a bad headache that’s all…..why did you
call me Nick?” Mickey asked him. He thought Ian was moving past Nick and
everything.
 
 
Ian felt guilt and gave Mickey an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t know…
it’s just you made that face and you said you had a headache and it reminded me
of when Nick. Well-you when you would come out and stuff.” Ian said stuttering
 
 
“No-no-no its okay….It’s just a headache okay….and I get it” Mickey said
rubbing his head “It’s just I haven’t been eaten so much. I’m fine trust me.”
 
 
Ian gets up from the sofa and goes to grab the house phone. “Okay well…I’m
gonna call Mandy or something so she can hurry up and come back. Her and Debbie
should just leave the shit there and come back.” Ian says as he starts to dial
her number.
 
 
“Nah man, come on. She should be back soon.” Mickey says and sighs. “Look I’m
fine okay.” Mickey says looking at Ian “just stay with me man okay.”
 
 
“Yeah okay? Sure.” Ian says putting the phone down and sitting next to Mickey
“want some more waters?” he asked Mickey
 
 
Mickey shakes his head now and looks at Ian “So…you thought I was Nick when I
made a face.” Mickey asked Ian
 
 
“Look, No I’m-I’m sorry I shouldn’t have…I wish I can take that back right
now.” Ian says and is now feeling awkward being next to Mickey now.
 
 
“Nah Ian.  If anything fucking therapy has taught me, is to just let it out and
not keep it bottle up and shit man.” Mickey says looking at Ian “So
Speak…what’s on your mind?”
 
 
“No man it’s okay…” Ian said looking down at his hands playing with them. He’s
acting weird and moves away from Mickey slightly as if Mickey didn’t notice him
doing it.
 
 
“I’m sorry Ian. You though that Nick was back for a moment and- and” Mickey
started to say but Ian cut him off
 
 
“No Mick…don’t be sorry okay. That’s not what that was about, not for me
anyway.” Ian says looking at him
 
 
Mickey was confused and didn’t understand why Ian was acting weird. So if it
wasn’t about Nick then what?. “Well if you ain’t upset that Nick’s not coming
out then what? I know how much you love him I know that…So I don’t get it?
What’s going on here?” Mickey asked Ian curiously.
 
 
“Mick…you know I’ve accepted that Nick is gone. And I’ve worked really fucking
hard to except that Nick is gone. That Nick is not coming back. And it’s gotten
easier as time goes on…but there things I can’t even remember he use to do but
in a way I do.” Ian Tells Mickey.
 
 
“Is that good thing or bad thing Ian?” Mickey asked Ian
 
 
“It was easier with him…It was me and Nick against the world you know?” Ian
says to Mickey. Mickey eyes light up at the saying. “But I’ve come to except
it; I’ve excepted that my feelings for Nick have gone, but not for you…It’s
like in a way I don’t know how to describe it. But my feelings for you stayed
and my feelings for him stayed but left as well…and I don’t know what to do
with them.” Ian confesses to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey looks down at his hands and doesn’t saying anything. So Ian continues
speaking. “I know I shouldn’t have these feelings I get that…I respect you’re
with Colt and you guys are together I get that….but I can’t help how I feel.
It’s like it’s there all the time. Do you get that?” Ian asked Mickey.
 
 
“Yeah….yeah I get that” Mickey says with a frown in his face and Ian smiles at
him.
 
 
“I love Nick…but I don’t want him back. I don’t want him back because then that
would hurt you, hurt your family, but most of all Mick…You would be gone, and I
don’t want that. I want you, I miss you.” Ian tells Mickey.
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian nods his head. Then he speaks. “I miss you too Ian.” Mickey
says to him. Ian then leans in and kisses Mickey, who kisses him back. They
stop and look at each other and then kiss again. The kissing starts getting
heated up fast. Mickey pins Ian down on the sofa and is kissing him more
eagerly. Ian grinds up on Mickey and Mickey grinds down on to Ian. They start
to dry hump one another. Both men are moaning and the kissing became more
erotic. There moaning into each other’s kisses and but then Mickey sits up fast
and looks at Ian. They both looked at each other intensively but pulled apart
from each other. “Shit… I can’t”
 
 
“I’m sorry….I didn’t mean to” Ian said
 
 
“No it’s um…um we can’t.” was all Mickey said 
 
 
Ian looks at him and he could see the regret in Mickey eyes. That was all he
needed to get his answer. “Look I-ah Ima go okay.” Ian says and grabs his
jacket “Just tell Mandy and Debbie something came up with work okay….I have to
go.” Was all Ian said and he left.
 
 
“Okay” Mickey said. Next thing he knew was that Ian left his apartment and he
was alone by himself thinking of what just happened. SO then Mickey decides to
get up and go after Ian. Only to find him at the door standing there looking at
Mickey with gunshot wound through his heart. Mickey rushes over to Ian and
tries to get him, but he falls before he can get to him. Ian was on the floor
and there is a puddle of blood around him. “who did this….Ian look at me! Who
did this?” Mickey asked him as he was crying holding Ian.
 
 
“You did.” Ian said weakly and then closed his eyes
 
 
“No….no I couldn’t have.” Mickey says in a low voice. Ian’s not waking up as he
shakes him. “WAKE UP! IAN WAKE UP!” Mickey shouts out at him. When Mickey looks
at his hands he sees the gun in his hand. He drops it, looking at Ian again.
“Wake up! IAN…..IAN”
 
 
“IAN!” Mickey jolt up and was met with someone holding.
 
 
“Hey-hey Mickey it’s okay! What happen are you okay?” Ian asked him.
 
 
Mickey looks around the room; Ian was still there they were on the sofa. The
movie was playing and Mandy and Debbie had just walked in the room with plates
of food.
 
 
“Mickey are you okay?” Mandy asked walking over to him and sitting on the other
side of him as Debbie walks over and pauses the movie.
 
 
All eyes were on him and Mickey was flushed and pale as if someone died. He was
still in shock and thank god it was just a dream he realizes. “Yeah…yeah no I
had a bad dream.” He said and clears his throat and gets up and goes straight
into the bathroom quickly.
 
 
No one said nothing when he left, but Mandy ended up asking Ian what happened.
Ian told her that once the movie started he just fell asleep and he was just
sleeping and then a few minutes after she and Debbie got back he jolted up
frighten calling his name out loud. Mandy then goes to the bathroom and opens
to the door to find her brother washing his face and looking down at the sink.
 
 
“You wanna talk about it?” Mandy asked. “You kind of freaked us out?”
 
 
“It was just a bad dream.” Mickey said not looking at her but still looking at
the sink watching the water go down it. “A really bad dream Mands.”
 
 
Mandy frowns and looks worried as she’s looking at her brother. “So what
happened to Ian in the dream?” Mandy asked and Mickey turns and looks at her.
“You shouted his name Mickey, and you look pale as fuck from the dream you just
had. You said it was bad….so…What happened?” she asked him.
 
 
He looked at her and sighs “He died.” was all he said and then sat down on the
toilet seat.
 
 
“Shit…..how?” Mandy asked
 
 
“I killed him. I went to go after him and when I saw him he looked at me and
smiled and then I saw the bullet wound……I went to him and asked him who did it
and he said me….Then I found the gun in my hand…I tried to wake him, I tried
but he didn’t get up….the bullet went straight to his heart.” Mickey said
moving his hand over his face and looking at the floor.
 
 
“Shit Mick…but it was just dream…Ian’s fine; we’re all fine okay…Come on. Come
back to the sala and lets drink and fucking get wasted. Forget about that
fucked up dream man. We know you won’t hurt Ian like that, and he knows that to
okay….plus as much as I hate it… you guys are friends…soooo let’s all hang out
like friends do okay?” Mandy said to her brother trying to cheer him up. He
agreed with her.
 
 
Mickey washes his face again and freshens up before he returns to the sala. He
was met with both red heads who asked him if he was okay. He told them yeah and
with that no one pushed more. Iggy came in about 10 minutes later and everyone
was now laughing and drinking.
 
 
Mandy of course was the bartender who though she could mix drinks well. Sadly
Ian had to tell her no, and Iggy agreed with her.
 
 
“Fuuuuuck you. geeeyz okay….imafine mixer upper.” Mandy says slurring her
words.
 
 
Ian started laughing harder and so did Mickey who where both on the sofa
leaning on each other. Debbie was on the lazy boy sofa rocking back and forth
drinking her ‘fruity drink’ as she called it with a straw and laughing at Mandy
as well. Iggy was sitting on the ottoman and his eyes were so puffy and red
that you didn’t know if he was up or not. But he was laughing as well at Mandy.
Iggy took a swig of patron he was drinking and passed it to Debbie who took a
sip and made a face of horror as she swallowed it down and nearly barf it up.
 
 
She then passed it to Ian who took 3 shots of patron “Yeah okay sure Mands. You
can’t even make a good long island ice tea… you use toooooo much tequila or not
enough.” Ian tells her and his words were becoming slurred as well
 
 
Mickey turns and hits Ian on the shoulders and took the patron bottle from his
hands. “Don’t makefun of ma sista…okay…she kick your ass, and soooo will I
Red.” Mickey says and laughs while guzzling down a good amount of tequila.
 
 
“That right mofos” Mandy said and starts playing music and dancing to it as she
lights up her cigarette. She then starts mixing more drinking and handing it
off to Iggy to drink, who willing accepts it.
 
 
Ian starts laughing again and then leans in over to Mickey and grabs the bottle
of patron from him. But not before whispering to into Mickey ear “I’d love to
see you try and kick my ass.” Ian says flirting with Mickey and licking his
lips. Mickey looks at him and smiles.
 
 
Debbie then got up and went into the game room, and challenge Mandy in some
Mortal Combat. Mandy accepted the challenge and Iggy went along with them. The
music was still playing; Ian and Mickey didn’t realize they were alone now
listening to music.
 
 
“Oh yeah…bite me!” Mickey said and leans in to grab the bottle from Ian’s hand
but then Ian leaned in and bit his shoulder. Mickey moans a little at the bite.
Ian got up, and playfully pushed Mickey away.
 
 
Mickey laughs, he looks at Ian and smiles at him. He goes to get the bottle
again from Ian, but this time he stood up and went over to Ian and tries to
snatch it out of his hand. “Noooope mine! Go get your sisters weird fucking bad
creations of drinks, that she know how to make but can’t.” Ian says to him and
takes another sip from the bottle. Mickey then grabs the bottle from Ian and
tries to run, but Ian was faster and came from behind him and pulls him down to
the sofa.
 
 
So now Mickey was sitting on top of Ian’s lap and he shimmed off of him. He
falls to the right side of Ian looking at him and his lips. “You think your
fucking clever don’t yah.” Mickey says breathing in and out fast.
 
 
Ian didn’t answer him because he leans in and kissed Mickey, and Mickey leans
in even more if possible and kissed him back. Call it what you want, and say it
was the alcohol or whatever. But Mickey was in an eternal bliss as he was
kissing Ian, and Ian was kissing him back. Mickey pushed his tongue into Ian’s
mouth and they both moaned at the feeling. Especially when Mickey runs his hand
threw Ian’s hair and pulls it slightly. That drove Ian crazy and somehow Mickey
was straddling Ian, making out with him.
 
 
Once Mickey becomes hard and he feels Ian is hard, he then stops and looks at
Ian….they were both drunk and not capable of fully knowing what their action
will or would lead to. So Mickey gets up and sits next to Ian and Ian didn’t
say anything. Mickey just leans his head on Ian’s shoulders as he spoke. “We
can’t do this….We’re drunk and this isn’t right….”
 
 
“Why is it not right?” Ian asked
 
 
“Because I’m with someone else Ian, and were friends remember? We’re drunk we
don’t know what the fuck we’re doing right now.” Mickey said with his eyes
closed and is getting sleepy.
 
 
Ian chuckled “You’re drunk, I’m fine.” Ian said and then looks over at Mickey
who still had his head on his shoulders “I miss you.” Ian said to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey just cuddled up next to Ian with his eyes closed and mumbled “miss you”
Ian looks over at him again and sees Mickey was sleeping now. He just sighs.
Ian stays there cuddling and holding on to Mickey thinking of how things
started and of how they were now. And yeah….maybe life did just fuck him over a
bit more than he hoped for. Ian gets up and gets a blanket for Mickey and
covered him up and left him to sleep on the sofa in the sala alone.
 
 
The rest of the night he spent with his sister, Iggy, and Mandy playing video
games and drinking till the sun came back up. Ian wouldn’t mention the kiss to
Mickey if Mickey didn’t mention it to him. Mickey might have been drunk, but
Ian wasn’t and really did miss him.
                                        
                                    *******
                                        
To say that it seemed like faith was interfering with Mickey’s life because
ever since that night with Ian, Mickey had been avoiding him. He remembered
what happened and he wished he didn’t. But not to mention it pissed him off
even more; it was like what the fuck was going on. They were drunk that was it,
plus did Ian say he really missed him?  NO! no fucking way, Ian was moving on,
having potential dates and shit and doing whatever he wanted….plus the feelings
inside of Mickey had to leave, and soon. Him and Colt had set a date for the
wedding and it was happening sooner than anything. So Mickey had to try and
avoid Ian or at least keep his distance from him a bit.
 
 
Ian was avoiding Mickey as well, but he was still trying to be friends with
him. But Mickey seemed to be annoyed with Ian whenever he would text him to see
how things were going. Either way that night had happened. They kissed and
cuddled, and Ian leaving Mickey on the sofa, and telling him he missed him and
Mickey telling him the same thing as well. Ian and Mickey thought that; that
was the last time something like that would happen with them. And well both men
were and are so very much mistakenly wrong.
 
 
Mickey was at the local gym this morning working out. As part of his routine,
exercise was something he did. Sometimes he would work out by himself or with
one of his siblings in the morning or with Colt; the gym in his building for
some reason was being renovation. Mickey needed to stick to his routine so he
went to one of the local gyms he signed up with.
 
 
This morning Colt was working out with him. Colt had to go to work after words
and Mickey was pushing him hard. Apparently Colt needs to run more and Mickey
found it hilariously funny that he was out doing Colt in everything. Colt
glared at him and told him he was going to be in the steam room. Well that end
up giving Mickey an idea, plus Colt would forgive him for making fun of him.
This morning Mickey was feeling a bit frisky and felt that maybe they can do
other things in that steam room alone.
 
 
They gym was pretty big so it had a few different floors, and a couple of
different steam rooms as well as a few different locker room, and much more. 
Mickey was walking into the steam room; he thought Colt was inside this one
since they were on this floor and it was closer to them at the moment. So when
Mickey enters the room, he smirks at the man sitting down on the benches with a
towel over his head. “So it’s pretty hot in here huh” he says as he slowly
unwraps himself from the towel that was covering him. He then makes sure he
locks the door and turns back around.
 
 
“Yeah?” Mickey heard
 
 
“Uh Yeah dumbass, come over here so I can make you more hot and sweaty.” Mickey
says as he has dropped the towel on the floor and is naked. After a few seconds
of nothing Mickey continues on speaking in a playful flirt voice. “What? I’m
not hot enough for you or something?” He said jokingly.
 
 
“huh…..No! No-no you’re ah…you’re hot.” The guy says trying hard to resist
himself from looking at Mickey’s naked body and wanted to devour it.
 
 
Mickey however notice and has a confused face “Colt?”
 
 
“No-no it’s not Colt” the man says removing the towel from his head and letting
the second towel that was wrapped around his waist fall. Mickey looks at the
guy as he walked up to him. The guy had a smile on his face and Mickey saw it
was Ian.
 
 
Mickey’s eyes almost felt like they came out, he quickly picked up the towel
instantly and closed his eyes “Oh My God Ian what the fuck are you doing here?”
 
 
“I’m just doing what everyone else does after a workout Mickey? And
huh…apparently you do more after a workout.” Ian said playfully.
 
 
“I thought you were Colt.” Mickey says still not looking at Ian because the
asshole still hadn’t picked up his towel from the floor and covered himself
with it.
 
 
“Well you didn’t ask who I was so.” Ian said pointing out
 
 
“Okay fine. But…God will you put some fucking clothes on. I mean the fucking
towel-wrap the fucking towel around you please!” Mickey said still not looking
at Ian. And of course his cheeks were red but we can blame that on the steam
room.
 
 
“Oh come on Mick.” Ian says flirting and jokingly. “it’s not like you haven’t
seen it before? I mean maybe that’s the problem right. You should just look at
what I’m packing and then just maybe, you will like what you see. Or you may
want just a little too much huh?” Ian says smiling and laughing at how
embarrassed Mickey was looking.
 
 
Mickey turned his head and looks at Ian and then turns his whole body crossing
his arms against his chest. He looks Ian up and down and said. “What? I am just
supposed to get down on my hands and knee and worship you or some shit.”
 
 
“Nah” Ian laughed “Take is easy shorty I was just fucking with yah.” Ian said
to Mickey and Mickey didn’t like the nick name Ian gave him…Who the fuck calls
someone shorty?
 
 
“Well Fuck you for call me shorty you fucking graffiti. Plus I didn’t come in
here to play you asshole.” Mickey spats at Ian turning away from him.
 
 
Ian was still laughing at him and decided to be asshole now for some reason.
Maybe it was to get a rise out of Mickey, who knows. “Oh well I’m not the one
who came in looking to get laid now did I?”
 
 
“Fuck you Ian. I was looking for Colt asshole, not some fucking random guy.”
Mickey says to him.
 
 
“Oh yeah because there are like 2 other guys in the other steam room across the
hall from us; so if they came in here it will be one hell of a party. Am I
right huh, huh, huh?” Ian said again making fun of Mickey and found it to
funny.
 
 
“You know I Hate you, I fucking hate you!” Mickey shouts out at Ian. He was
upset at Ian now. One for being a dick right now, and two well….two was just
because. Because saying what the real reason was, was out of the question.
 
 
Ian smiles at him. “Oh hey well at least you hate me! Right?” Ian said
sarcastically to Mickey “But I know that’s not true. You may not like me, but
you don’t hate me.” Ian said to Mickey with a smirk on his face.
 
 
And god did Mickey wanted to wipe that fucking smirk off Ian’s face. “Fuck you
man I’m outta here.” Mickey then said and goes to leave but Ian stops him.
 
 
“Hey –hey wait up, come on….Mickey?” Ian said
 
 
“I want to go Ian, so get the fuck out of my way and move!” Mickey said to Ian
and refuses to look at him. He still has his arms crossed around his chest
“What’d you want man!?” Mickey asked Ian when didn’t move.
 
 
“Well I want what I can’t have but that’s beside the point, so I rather want
you to not hate me. So you’re gonna stay in here with me for as long as it
takes for you not to hate me. Then you’re going to tell me what the fuck is
wrong.” Ian says to Mickey.
 
 
“Okay! Fine I don’t hate, (Mickey said sarcastically) now can you please
fucking move so I can get the fuck out of here!” Mickey said.
 
 
Ian chuckles. “Yeah Noooo. Now try saying it like you mean it Mick.” Ian says
playfully to Mickey.
 
 
“OMG what the fuck! You’re driving me fucking crazy here Ian.” Mickey snaps out
at Ian for no reason.
 
 
“Yeah I can see that, with the yelling and throwing fits and shit like that.
Apparently I drive you bat shit crazy huh?” Ian said sarcastically to Mickey,
but then there was a hint of seriousness in his voice.
 
 
“You keep fucking interrupting my life!” Mickey says all of a sudden and
well…that was new
 
 
Ian is shocked but recovers really quickly. “Oh um okay… really?… what the fuck
do you mean?” Ian asked. Mickey didn’t say anything. He just tries to keep
moving around Ian and get out of his way. But Ian blocks him and continues
talking. “Yeah really mature Mickey, how long are you gonna hate me for than
huh? What the fuck did I do you now that it’s my fault that I’m ruining your
life?” Ian now spats out.
 
 
“Well I’m in here with you, so as long as it takes and as long as you keep me
in here you fucker.” Mickey said walking away from Ian.
 
 
Ian stays looking at Mickey for a few second, then say fuck it to himself…
“Fine! Fuck it, go.” Ian says and walks around Mickey. “You know I though me
and you were trying to be good friends and try the whole friendship thing,
which by the way I thought was going okay. But since you can’t fucking stand me
apparently for some reason, which I have no fucking clue as to why the whole
360 of your fucking attitude is towards me lately! There’s the door Mick. (Ian
points at the door too Mickey as he speaks to him)  Fucking Go. See if I care
anymore!”
 
 
Mickey grabs his hair pulling it, and throws his hands in the air. “What the
fuck do you want Ian? What do you want me say here?”
 
 
“I want you to tell me what the fuck I did to piss you the fuck off Mickey! We
were getting along just fine me and you. Hanging out when you came to my house
with Mandy chilling, me not being around you when Colt is with you, you know
giving you the respect you asked and wanted. Me, moving on like you said and
told me to do…..fuck you’re more complicated than a fucking girl on her
period!” Ian says and turns his head away from Mickey.
 
 
Mickey gives Ian a disturbing look at his last statement. “I ain’t complicated
than a girl on her menstrual cycle! That’s fucking grouse man what the fuck?”
Mickey says to Ian, but Ian seemed not to pay attention to him and was just
sitting on the benches waiting for Mickey to leave.  Mickey looks down and then
back at Ian. “Look Ian I don’t hate you okay.” Mickey says softly. “Why are we
even in here fighting about this? I know the only reason you stand to be around
me is to make sure I won’t break or to see if I do break or some shit
okay…or….fuck look I don’t know okay.”
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey hurt at what he said. “That not true Mick.” Ian says
looking at him. “Why would you think that?”
 
 
“Really? Because when I mentioned to you about us just being friends after
everything you wouldn’t fucking call me or text me in the beginning. It had to
be me to reach out to you, and you even just up and left and disappeared on
your sister for a week without a word. You didn’t even call Debbie or Mandy or
even answer my text messages to let me know you were okay. Shit Ian you had me
and your sister and Mandy worried. Then you couldn’t even look at me when you
got back from where ever the fuck you fucked off to. Then you come back and act
like shit is okay and then you try to be friends with me, which we’ve tried and
yes it’s going okay. But then you fuck!.... you fucked Jeff Ian! JEFF of all
people! Then what happened between us at my apartment, us…you-you can’t tell
me-”
 
 
Ian cuts Mickey off before he can finish. “You still don’t get it do you….I’m
not out to hurt you, and be your enemy Mick…I’m doing what I have to do, what
you told me I should do. So Why? Why Mickey, why am I your fucking enemy now
huh? Why would you think that I would want you to hurt? What did I do for you
to hate me! Was it that kiss?” Ian asked sounded almost defeated.
 
 
“Okay…okay you wanna know why Ian!? Why I have to hate right now….why I have to
just….fuck! I hated when you do that!” Mickey said sitting down.
 
 
Ian turns to look at Mickey more as he speaks to him. “Yeah why? What did I do
or say for you to hate me all of a sudden. Given all the bullshit crap of an
excuse you gave me just a few seconds ago, which I think is bullshit…But if
it’s about the kiss then I’m sorry okay…but that can’t be all Mick...So Mickey
why? Why do you have to hate me if all I’m doing is what you told me to do?”
Ian asked him.
 
 
“Because……If I don’t hate you…then what I feel can fuck up everything okay.”
Mickey said to Ian. And there it was….it was out.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey curiously and narrows his eyes at him. “Yeah Mick…well what
the fuck do you feel then?” Ian asked him.
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian and then looks away from him trying to figure out what to
say without saying it. “Ian, I’m afraid that-that if I’m friends with you or
even get close to you that….fuck…that Nick’s feelings inside of me will come up
again and …and I can’t have that Ian. That wouldn’t be right for you or me or
Colt….I’m engaged to Colt. Plus that would mean that the kiss we shared that
night…” Mickey says and trails off not saying anything more.
 
 
Ian sits up more from where he was at. He then stands up from where he was
sitting. He steps down sits back down trying to processes his thoughts of what
to say back to Mickey. “So what, you’ve been feeling Nick come back since the
integration?” Ian asked because he was slightly confused.
 
 
“No Ian- it’s just-I” Mickey sighs “I’m not worried about Nick coming out okay!
You Ian, you still see Nick and you’re still looking for him inside of me! And
if were close and if we become fucking BFF’s and some shit then….Look I don’t
wanna hurt you okay.” Mickey says to Ian with a straight face.
 
 
“Okay…okay so what you’re saying is that you hating me is for my own fucking
good in order to what? Protect me.” Ian says more than asked Mickey with a
straight face.
 
 
“If you look at it like that then yeah.” Mickey said
 
 
“Yeah well Mickey you can stop worrying about that…I know Nick’s gone.  I’ve
said goodbye to him, and with that I made my peace with it Mickey…..” Ian says
and looks but then looks back at Mickey. “But when I see you,…when I look at
you…I see you, I see Mickey, not Nick, not anyone else but Mickey. I’ve
accepted that my feelings for Nick have gone, but not for you…It’s like in a
way I don’t know how to describe it. But my feeling for you stayed and my
feelings for him left…and I don’t know what to do with them.” Ian says
confessing to Mickey. Mickey is now dumb struck as those were the exact same
words. Because those were the exact same words Ian said to him in his dream.
 
 
“When me, and you were at your house that night drinking with our sisters and
Iggy listening to Music and bullshitting; we were so drunk that we ended up
holding each other that night. Well more me than you, seeing as you past
out….but it was you that I was holding. It was you that I wanted to keep warm
and cuddle with…It was you that I covered with a blanket as you slept……And when
I kissed you Mickey, it was you Mickey I was kissing. Not Nick, not anyone else
only you…And do you know why?” Ian asked and all Mickey could do was shake his
head in response, while his eyes flickered from Ian’s lips to his eyes now.
“Because it was you (Ian leans in closer to Mickey) it was you who I wanted to
kiss.”
 
 
“No…no; no Ian you don’t know what you’re saying okay” Mickey said sounding
weak.
 
 
“Yes Mickey it was you. I wanted to kiss you. And the only reason why your
afraid is because it’s not Nick’s feelings your scared of. It’s your own
feelings that you’re afraid of. You’re afraid that you’re starting to feel for
me, the way I feel for you.” Ian tells Mickey.
 
 
“You know you really are a fucking narcissistic asshole you know that? What
makes you think you know what the fuck I feel?” Mickey asked Ian with little
heat behind his voice.
 
 
“Okay sure whatever you say, I don’t know what the fuck you’re feeling. But I
know what I feel, and I love that I feel that for you. I want those feelings to
stay because it’s you that I want. So I’m not gonna sit in here and tell you
what or how you feel….But I can tell you what I feel…I’ve felt it for a long
time now.” Ian said as he gets closer to Mickey
 
 
“I’ve tried everything that I know to get over what I feel for you…I’ve stayed
away from you, fucked other guys, but nothing.” Ian said shaking his head
“Christ I even try to stand next to you sometimes when we would hang out with
Debbie and Mandy or sit next to you to be around you, be your friend. You come
around we hang out, and then you go home to another man. So I try to stop…but I
can’t and now you know.  Just be honest Mickey…I know I’m not alone in how I
feel. You Mickey Milkovich have feelings for me.” Ian said passionately to
Mickey.
 
 
“I can’t have feelings for you Ian…I’m engaged…(Mickey looks away from Ian) I’m
in love with Colt Ian.” Mickey said and Ian knew it was bullshit.
 
 
“Just admit it…just do that please. I know you don’t really love him.” Ian
tells Mickey.
 
 
Mickey turns and looks Ian now dead in his eyes; and god did he want to tell
Ian the truth but he couldn’t. “I can’t Ian” was all he said.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and then lunges forward, kissing him hard. Mickey response
to the kiss by opening his mouth and letting Ian run his tongue inside his
mouth. They both moaned as they kissed each other. Ian is holding on to
Mickey’s face and Mickey was holding on to Ian’s forearms. When the kiss broke,
both men were panting hard and Ian put his and Mickey’s foreheads together as
both men keep their eyes closed.  Once they both caught their breaths and were
breathing normally again. Mickey steps back and looks at Ian.  He grabs his
lips and shook his head no at Ian, and then Mickey left the steam room in a
flash, leaving Ian there by himself.
 
                                    *******
 
Ian, well Ian was trying. He really was. Being around Mickey was now different.
There hanging out together was always short and whenever Mandy invited him over
to her house or said she was going to Mickey’s to hang out, he would decline.
She would ask him what was wrong but he would give her the excuse that work was
crazy and that he was just really tired. Or he would lie to her and say he had
a date. When he did hang out with her and Mickey was around them things were
awkward with them.
 
 
However as much as he tried, Ian couldn’t stop his feelings for Mickey. He got
the message loud and clear in the steam room that day and it hurt as hell. But
it is what it is after all. It was that wanting and the pinning over a man that
was engaged to someone else. To someone Ian wouldn’t mind kicking down the
stairs or beating the shit out of. No. Ian was doing what Mickey told him to do
even more, which was move on. He tried it and it didn’t work the first time, so
now he had to try even harder.  He was happy for Mickey. He had to be, and no
matter how much it hurt Mickey made his decision. He was going to be with Colt
and that was that. But that didn’t mean Ian had to be happy about him being
engaged to Colt or be with someone else. In fact when Ian first found out he
thought that the engagement was a little too fast in his own opinion. Mandy
shared that same opinion as well. She told Ian that when she would ask Mickey
about it, he would tell her to fuck herself and that was her answer.
 
                                  ***********
                                        
So now Ian went out on dates, like Mickey told him but even more. Like his
sister told him to and like how Mandy told him to. He needed to move on and try
to at least pick up the piece of his broken heart on his own. And since him and
Mickey were trying this friendship thing, which by the way wasn’t working since
they weren’t really speaking to each other so much. Only via text messaging
mostly and that was even rare for them now.
 
 
 
Ian knew and felt like this was going to end badly for their friendship.
However Ian told Mandy about his dates and he even reach out to Mickey asking
him his opinion on what pants to go with, what shirt to wear, or where were
good place to take a guy out to dinner on a 3rd date. Mickey sometimes but
rarely did ask Ian about his dates. Ian would tell Mickey about some of the
dates he went on, which again from what Ian saw, Mickey was happy he was moving
on; so now it was a good time tell his family and friends the offer that was
made to him.
 
 
Ian and Debbie were invited out by Iggy and Mandy to a restaurant for a late
lunch early dinner thing. So Ian felt it would be a good time to tell everyone
his news. Debbie already knew and her and Ian got into a bit of a fight over
about one of his offers. So to say she was happy, is about 50/50 percent
changes.  Since they were all out at a diner; Collin, Iggy, Mandy, Ian, Debbie,
Mickey and even Colt, but Colt was running late. The whole gang decided to
order there food and talk. So now was his chance.
 
 
“Okay so I have an announcement to make.” Ian said while everyone was eating
their food and talking.
 
 
Everyone looked at him, but Iggy wanted to have fun. He saw how serious Ian was
looking, so he cracked a joke. “Let me guess, you got the hots for me right?”
Iggy said jokingly giving Ian a wink while laughing.
 
 
Ian laughed and almost spit out his drink. “Oh My God. I didn’t know you were
an option in my life.” Ian said joking back.
 
 
“Oh I know, you’re straight now and you being a gentlemen; you want to ask my
brothers permission to ask me out. Well I have you know, you don’t need these
dick wards permission.  I am all your Ian Gallagher! Take me away.” Mandy said
laughing through her arms in the air.
                                                                                                                                   
“OH MY GOD NO!” Ian said laughing.
 
 
“Okay so fucking tell us what is it Red?” Mickey said to Ian.
 
 
Ian looks at him and then at everyone else. “No….I ah…So my old commanding
officer called me.” Ian says now and the table went silent. Everyone stopped
doing what they were doing and gave Ian their attention even more. “He wanted
to ask me if I wanted to come back, to like train a few soldiers and stuff like
that, and I’m considering it. But I was also offered a transfer out of Chicago
as well and-.” Ian tries to continue on saying, but was cut off.
 
 
Everyone looks at Ian, as he spoke to them and was immediately shocked. But it
was Mandy who spoke up. She glanced at Mickey who was shocked and then back at
Ian really quick. “Wait, what you’d mean? Like they want you back in the
military to train guys? What for? Why can’t they do that shit on their own or
find someone else?” Mandy said shocked and slightly upset
 
 
“Because I was good at my job, and it pays more. Plus I don’t think I’ll see
combat anyways. I’m just going out there train them that’s it. But if they need
me to go out I have to. It’s my job and duty.” Ian tells everyone but looks at
Mandy when he spoke.
 
 
“Yeah and training them requires you to go out on the field in combat Ian!”
Mandy said “I’m not stupid I know this shit. Why would you-” Mandy was cut off
by Debbie
 
 
“Because he’s an idiot, and I told him he can’t go.” Debbie says sitting down
next to her brother “I told you you’re not going. You’re not leaving me even if
you can take me with you.” Debbie said to him. Ian told Debbie that she could
go with him, but that he would always be out on the field and she would be home
a lot of the time by herself on the military base. She didn’t care for that,
she cared about her brother going back in and war. No matter what war would be
around and that meant soldier would have to go out and fight. It was honourable
yes, but painful and scary at the same time. She didn’t care; she didn’t want
him back out there. PERIOD!
 
 
Ian sighs “Look they just told me to think about it okay? Not to mention that
wasn’t the only offer I was given.” Ian says and looks back at everyone. “I was
also offered a transfer to New York or Seattle as well to be in their
cybercrimes division, and the LA police department wants me to go to them for
their narcotics division. Each place says I would be great, plus I have the
skills and determination to do it.” Ian says trying to lighten up the mood that
was causing tension between everyone at the table.
 
 
“Yeah but being in the Narcotics you get your asses shot at. Shit, don’t they,
like you have you go undercover or some shit right. At least with cybercrime
you won’t be in so much danger right? And New York is right there, unless you
go to Seattle.” Iggy says now looking at Ian then back at his brother and then
Ian again. Iggy became very fond of Ian over the months spending time with him.
Apart of him knew that right now his brother was eternally freaking out about
Ian possibly leaving.
 
 
For some reason everyone was looking at Ian and Mickey but not saying anything.
Ian wasn’t showing that he was nervous or anything. He was actually calm. It
was Mickey who was quiet and looking at Ian nodding his head biting his bottom
lip.
 
 
“Well that depends, going undercover as well for a job, and we work with the
FBI with the cybercrime division as well, to you know stop child trafficking,
child pornography all that shit as well as terrorist threats and attacks. Plus
I think it would be good, but I still haven’t decided yet on what I want to do,
and Debbie over here is refusing to let me even consider going back into the
Marines.” Ian said looking at his sister and glancing at Mickey but not too
long. He then looks at everyone else.
 
 
“I already told you no. If you leave me Ian Gallagher I will murder you in your
sleep and cut your dick off.” Debbie said pointing at knife at him, and went
back to eating her food.
 
 
“See what I mean!” Ian said to the group trying to make a joke out of it. They
laughed all except Mandy.
 
 
“I’m with her on that!” Mandy said giving Ian knowing looking and a smirk. Ian
rolled his eyes and laughed
 
 
“I think it’s a good thing.” Mickey said and everyone looked at him. “You know
that the other places like New York, LA, and Seattle want you in their
department. It just shows how good you really are.” Mickey says looking at Ian.
“I think it would be better for the cybercrimes in my opinion.” Mickey said
looking down at his plate
 
 
“Mickey’s right.” Collin said, “I think you would do great, but I mean why not
here you know.” Collin found himself saying. He didn’t know why. So much that
even Iggy and Mandy raised their eye brows at his remark.
 
 
“Well different state, different atmosphere you know. I just need something
different for a change.” Ian said looking down at his plate and Mickey looked
at Ian when he said that, but he didn’t say anything to him.
 
 
Everyone at one point looked at Ian and then went back to talking about
bullshit really.  When Colt came in the new news was told to him and to say
that he was more excited than everyone else was an understatement. Of course
Mandy and Debbie told him that Ian may or may not take the job. Just so they
can see his smiled turn upside down. But it was Ian who said most likely he
would go back into the Marines, even with Debbie’s protest.
 
 
So after dinner Ian went outside to smoke a cigarette and was thinking to
himself. Thinking of moving on, and getting to be back into the field, and was
if he chooses to. Thinking of maybe living in a different city, how would it
be. He loved New York when he was there, but there were too many memories
already there. So just keeps on smoking his cigarette and didn’t bother to turn
around and look back when he hears the door close behind him.
 
 
“So you’re gonna leave then huh?” Mickey says putting a cigarette in his mouth
and lighting it up.
 
 
Ian turns to him and nods his head. “Yeah thinking about it….I mean it would be
best. Plus different city, different atmosphere maybe?” Ian said not saying
anymore.
 
 
“You said it would be for the best, but for whom? You or me?” was all Mickey
said and Ian looks at him puzzled.
 
 
“Both don’t you think.” Ian simply said to him.
 
 
With that answer Mickey shook his head “I don’t know Ian?” was all he said to
Ian. Out of blue, Ian walks up to Mickey and kisses him. No open mouth just a
kiss. He pulls back and looks at Mickey.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey in the eyes and tries to search for something there, giving
him a hint to stay or something. “You already know that answer Mick, you do
know.” Was all Ian said. He goes back inside to say good bye to everyone and
him and Debbie leave.
 
 
When Mickey gets back inside, he told his family he wasn’t feeling well and
wanted to go home. So everyone left and went home.
 
                                  **********
 
It had been a couple of weeks since the dinner and things were okay or so to
speak. Mickey felt that it would be best for Ian to leave, and he support his
friend decision in every way possible. That’s what friends do.  Mickey
continued to focus on going to therapy and keeping to his daily routine
schedule. He also focused on keeping his and Colt’s relationship steady. Things
were coming along fine with it so far. There wasn’t too much pressure from Colt
and for some reason he was acting different ever since he heard the news that
Ian may or may not be leaving. Even telling Mickey that maybe they should move
into a house or a bigger place. Colt wanted to move in with Mickey before the
wedding, but Mickey suggested it would be best after the wedding. In all
honesty, Mickey didn’t want to give up his place. So he told Colt to bring some
of his things over and stay a few nights a week, but that after the wedding it
would be best for them to find a place and move in with one another.  Like a
fresh start. That was the best Mickey can give to him, at least for now that
was.
 
 
But things were becomes good and bad for Mickey again. Mickey had mixed
feelings about a lot of things, and one being that Ian may leave him. Well not
him; no, not like that but Mickey couldn’t think of him that way. Ian was
moving on yeah, but why couldn’t he stay in Chicago and do it? His therapy
session where bring a lot of things up to light for Mickey and one of them
being that kiss. That kiss….why did Ian kiss him if he was moving on…..this
shit was all fucked up…..but more importantly was why didn’t he push Ian off of
him and away….Mickey knew why. But those can’t be his feelings because he’s
with someone and….and well he’s okay with that. Or at least he thinks he is.
 
 
Mickey decides to text Ian after weeks of silence among them. “I hope you’re
happy.”
 
                                   *********
 
There was a knock on Ian’s door, he had just gotten home and showered and was
exhausted. Whoever was at the door was knocking harder and louder. Fucking
person was persistent as fuck. “Okay, okay calm the fuck down man I’m coming.”
Ian said. Since becoming a cop Ian had stared to lock the doors and windows in
the house, and he even put up a security system. When Ian went to open the door
he was shocked to see who was at the other end of it.
 
 
“Can I come in?” Collin asked Ian. Ian hadn’t seen Collin since the dinner.
They didn’t speak or talked even before that; not as much any ways, but still a
house call….Now that was different.
 
 
Ian nods his head and lets Collin walk in. “What are you doing here Collin?”
Ian asked as he’s closing the door making his way into the kitchen.
 
 
“Ian so um…I wanted to talk….So um…you’re gonna go then huh, like one of those
places and take the transfer and leave Chicago for somewhere else?” Collin
asked now looking at Ian.
 
 
“Well I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear I’m leaving Chicago.” Ian said bitterly
to Collin. Ian knew that Collin wasn’t a fan of him in the beginning when
everything started with Mickey, Nick and Ian.
 
 
“No….No I don’t think that at all. And I’m sure Mickey; well I’m sure he
doesn’t as well. I know he doesn’t.… (there was a small moment of silence
before Collin continued on talking) ….Look Ian… for Mickey sack okay. Please
don’t go.” Collin says to Ian.
 
 
Ian looks at Collin weird now. “Sorry what?” Ian says to Collin. “Mickey’s
happy now, and he will be happy to see me leave and move on like he wanted!”
Ian tells Collin, while he’s cleaning his service pistol. That for some reason
seemed to always calm him down.
 
 
“Well I think it’s better if you stick around you know. A person like you Ian;
well Mickey can use a friend like you. Someone who understand him someone who
gets how he’s feeling, someone he can go to and…fuck Ian, just don’t go okay.”
Collin said. He didn’t like to beg, but he felt like he was now….for his
brother sake he would.
 
 
Ian laughs at that; it’s like this whole shit is unbelievable right now. Of all
people, Collin who seemed like he didn’t like Ian nor did he want him around
Mickey to now all of a sudden want him to stay for Mickey…..but why….Ian didn’t
want to stay anymore. It just hurt too much to stay. “Mickey doesn’t need me in
his life like that okay? He’s got you guys and Colt. I’m one friend he can deal
without okay.” Ian says as he’s moving around in his kitchen trying to distract
himself from the conversation he was having with the Collin.
 
 
“So you really think that Mickey’s happy?” Collin said looking at Ian like he
was crazy. “Look Ian I thought he was to okay. I did, but I’m concern for
Mickey. He’s my brother and I will always be concern for him, but ever since
the integration.” Ian now looks at Collin at what he just said. Collin is
shaking his head trying to get the words out right for Ian to understand him.
“He’s him but he’s not; the thing is whenever you’re around it’s like he’s
happy. But lately he’s been different not him, not the happy him. I know my
brother and something wrong with him, but he won’t tell me. He says he’s okay,
which I think is bullshit and I think it’s because you’re leaving.” Collin
tells Ian.
 
 
Ian looks at Collin more and crosses his arms now. “Look Collin I get that
you’re worried about Mickey, but he’s a big boy okay….plus I’m pretty sure
Mickey can be happy without me in his life alright. He’s marrying Colt, and he
fucking seems happy to me. So why should I stay and watch them play fucking
house! HUH! No fuck that okay! I’m gonna leave and I’m gonna do exactly what
the fuck I should have done month ago okay!? Which is move the fuck on and stop
wasting my time on feelings he doesn’t have for me anymore….It was Nick not him
okay! It was Nick that loved me and wanted me! Mickey doesn’t fucking want me
anymore!” Ian shouts at Collin and walks over into the sala, picking up his
work bag and taking his clothes out of it. He walks right back into the kitchen
to through his dirty clothes in the washer. He looks at his phone and sees
there a text and it’s from fucking Mickey! He then turns to Collin. “You know,
you Milkovich men got some fucking balls you know that?” Ian said
 
 
“Ian Please. Okay I know my brother isn’t happy okay!” Collin argues back. “Not
with Colt and he won’t be with anyone else!...Fuck Ian can’t you see it….Mickey
love you!” Collin stated firmly to Ian, hoping he would listen and understand.
 
 
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about okay? Mickey even said he
loves Colt so there! It’s done! And you know what Collin! Fuck you for trying
to use my feelings for you brother to make me stay!” Ian snaps back out at
Collin
 
 
“Ian you don’t get it do you…..I see it in his eyes and I know he loves you!”
Collin continues to argue back. “Just-I know he has feelings for you okay…..I
know Mickey loves you and not Colt okay….I know that much Ian, because I
fucking know my brother!” Collin said to him. When Ian didn’t say anything to
Collin but just glare at him. Collin took that as his que to leave. But as he
left he turns back and looks at Ian and says. “Just…just talk to him or some
shit okay. Then if you still think Mickey’s happy without you in his life….then
fine.” Was all that Collin said and walks out of the door.
 
 
Ian was pissed now. He was beyond pissed, beyond upset. He was angry and wanted
to fucking explode.  Who the fuck was Collin to come in here, tell him he
couldn’t leave, and that he shouldn’t leave Mickey; how fucking selfish was he.
And Mickey…fucking Mickey, where the fuck did he get off. He text Ian and Ian
read the text and laughed out loud “I hope you’re happy?’ “Really Mickey!
FUCKING REALLY!” Ian yells at his phone. He then went over and grabs his keys,
wallet, and jacket and headed straight to his car to Mickey Fucking Alexis
Milkovich apartment.
 
                               *****************
 
Ian walks up to Mickey’s door and bangs on it for him to open it. Ian doesn’t
have to wait long as Mickey opens the door quickly and watches as Ian walks
right into his apartment pushing him aside and slams the door shout walking
towards the sala. Ian pushes the doors open to the sala roughly and is beyond
pissed. “Fuck you! Mickey…FUCK YOU!” He screams out and walks over to the
liquor cabinet in the sala and pours himself a drink and takes it like it was
nothing.
 
 
Mickey walks through the door and enters the sala and glares at Ian hard. “What
the fuck Ian?”
 
 
“What!? You’re happy right!? You’re engaged to marry Colt. So what you thought
it would be okay to send your fucking brother to my house to talk to me, then
you fucking text ME!?” Ian starts to say “you know what Mickey me leaving is
definitely the right fucking thing to do. It’s the best fucking thing for me
and you! I need to get away from you and put as much fucking distance between
me and you….”
 
 
Mickey is hurt by what Ian said but is also confused as well. He didn’t send no
one to Ian. “Ian what the fuck are you talking about? I just text you saying I
hope you’re happy that’s it! I didn’t fucking send one of my brothers to you at
all okay!? So I don’t know that the fuck is your problem, but you need to
fucking get your shit straight!” Mickey slashes out back at Ian.
 
 
“You Mick, you made your choice. You fucking made your choice okay….You fucking
did! That I know that much! I fucking can’t stand you right now.” Ian shouted
at him
 
 
“Oh yeah, according to you right Mr. Tough guy! You think you know all the
fucking answer and that leaving is one of them.” Mickey spits back out at Ian.
It was right then and there that all the cards were going to come out.
 
 
“Yeah I know all the answer so fucking what. I’m trying to stay sane
Mickey….The only way to do that, is to go. Get you out of my system and not see
you with him, and not be around you and sure as fuck not be around when you
have your perfect fucking wedding!” Ian shouts out at Mickey.
 
 
“Wow you know what, you are so fucking full of shit you know that? You think
you have all the answer and everything will solved right? Because you think
that running away will solve all of it? Well news flash you asshole it won’t,
it won’t solve shit!” Mickey yells out.
 
 
“Mickey. You. Made. Your. Choice! You’re gonna be with that dick head okay and
you’re not with me! So since I can’t have Adam, I can’t have Nick or since I
can’t fucking have you! I got me! So just like you told me months ago Mickey! I
have to do what I have to do and choose me. For once I’m choosing me again. Get
you out of my brain and my heart forever.” Ian says to Mickey with so much heat
that even Mickey flinches a bit at his words.
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian and is almost hurt. Mickey and Ian stop speaking to each
other since that day at the diner. Mickey focused on the wedding and had to;
Ian was leaving so that meant they both can move on and bury whatever feelings
they had…..but no one said it was easy. It was really hard and as much as
Mickey tries, it was just getting harder. “So you think this is easy for me?”
Mickey says weakly. “You don’t think how this is affecting me?” Mickey says to
Ian as Ian has his back turned to him. “Look at me!” Mickey shouts to Ian “For
fuck sacks Ian look at me!” Mickey says and turns Ian around. “I am doing
everything in my power to stop what I’m feeling….to do what I have to do, to do
what’s right!” Mickey says to Ian
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and his face it hard now. It had been weeks since either of
Mickey and Ian spoke to each other and now this. “What? You want me to feel bad
for you? Why the fuck are you with Colt anyway huh? IF you so call have
feelings for me why the fuck are you with him Mickey?” Ian says firmly to him.
Ian want’s a fucking answer now.
 
 
“You think you know all the answer don’t you; You’re so fucking busy being mad
at me and avoiding me, that you didn’t think that maybe yes I do love Colt, and
being with him and having feelings for you doesn’t make me feel any better
about myself!” Mickey yelled at Ian.
 
 
That was when Ian looks at Mickey differently giving him a face. “Do you have
any idea what it takes for me not to want to go to you right now, and not have
you close to me? Huh Mickey do you? To want to kiss you, and hold you, and just
be next to you.” Ian’s face soften slightly
 
 
“Ian I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do about that.  You don’t get it”
Mickey says defeated.
 
 
“Do you love him then? DO you Mickey Milkovich love Colt? Like really love him
Mickey and not just saying that shit to say.” Ian says looking at Mickey
fighting back tears.
 
 
“I just….I don’t know I think I do love him the way I’m suppose to? But when
I’m around you it’s hard okay. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know how to
control what I’m feeling and it gets hard.” Mickey says to Ian.
 
 
“I don’t want make you miserable Mick, I don’t want be that kind of fucking
loser of a guy holding on to some kind of hope when there is none….(there
silence between them and Ian speaks again) You know it hurts right? When the
man that I love, has the same feelings for me, but is with someone else….How
the fuck does that make any sense huh? I’m just gonna end up losing aren’t I.”
Ian said to Mickey with tears threatening to come down his face.
 
 
Mickey was silent of a moment before he spoke again. “Ian… I’m sorry…I just I
don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
 
 
“Admit something to me then Mickey…..Admit that you Mickey, you choose
responsibility and obligation to Colt over desire, over happiness, over needs,
and over love for me Mickey!” Ian said to him
 
 
“Oh and you’re so sure of that!” Mickey snapped out.
 
 
Ian posture straightens up. “Oh fucking yes I am. I’m fucking sure of that you
chose wrong.” Ian says to him firmly.
 
 
“Yeah well if you’re so sure of that, then why are we even having this fucking
conversation then!” Mickey said.
 
 
“Because I wanna hear you admit! Fucking admit it to yourself and me at least!”
Ian yells out.
 
 
“Wha-” But Mickey didn’t get a chance to say anything because Ian cuts him off.
 
 
“I wanna hear you admit it Mickey! I want to hear you admit it! I want to hear
you say that you wish to god that you would have chosen me over fucking Colt.”
Ian said passionately to Mickey.
 
 
“Wh-what if I said that huh? What would it change?” Mickey said to him
 
 
“So… you’re saying it’s true then. You’re admitting it then?” Ian asked Mickey
not once removing eye contact away from him.
 
 
“Ian who cares what I wish or what anyone wishes okay… fuck I made a choice
okay. My choice is Colt, you’re right!” Mickey said to him
 
 
“Admit you made a mistake Mick… me and you we can fix this we can be together.”
Ian says hopefully. It was now or never, and he loved Mickey that much to just
drop everything for him and just be with him.
 
 
“Really?” Was all Mickey said to him. He turns around and shakes his head while
walking to the window in the sala.
 
 
“Yeah.” Ian simply says and Mickey turns to just looks at Ian again. He then
turns back around looks towards the window looking outside. He doesn’t say
anything. So Ian continues to speak.  “We go to Colt we tell him you love me…
that you made a mistake. That we love each other, because you know it’s true
and your fucking fighting you’re feeling for god know what or why!” Ian said to
him
 
 
“Ian….no I” Mickey started to say but Ian cuts him off again.
 
 
“Yes Mickey…Mickey, think about our life together. We can do so much. Me and
you we can fucking get married right. The right way this time, we can adopt
kids or travel the world, I don’t fucking know! But we will be together. It
would be amazing and you know it……You can keep doing what you love, you love
fixing cars, and making music. You love drawing and I know you do because your
face lights up whenever you finish a picture you’ve drawn, and it’s like the
first time every time, because your amazed by what you can do. Or when you play
music and sing to yourself, it’s as if you light up like no one is around you
and you’re happy. We can do that, me and you. That’s you when you’re with me!”
Ian says to him so passionately.
 
 
“Ian….”Mickey says
 
 
“Mickey please! If you can’t do it here, we can go somewhere else like New
York, LA, fucking England or some shit. Paris is beautiful we can go there.”
Ian says smiling at Mickey
 
 
“England? Paris?” Mickey chuckles out looking at Ian.
 
 
“Yeah….anywhere; for fuck sacks we can go to the moon and Mars or some shit if
you want as long as me and you are together Mick.” Ian says
 
 
Mickey was thinking and he can’t; he fucking can’t do this. Ian can’t do this
to him, not now, not like this. Mickey shakes his head and his eyes are
becoming glassy. “I can’t.” Mickey whispers out.
 
 
“You can… all you have to do is admit you choose wrong and you made a
mistake….be with me, be free Mickey!” Ian said to Mickey.
 
 
“It’s not a lie Ian, I can’t admit to something that’s not a lie” Mickey says
and he knows he’s lying to Ian.
 
 
“Oh it’s not a lie… being with one person and engaged to that said one person
and being in love with another….Mickey that is living a lie….. Every fucking
day that you’re with him when you’re thinking about me is a lie! And you’re not
just lying to Colt, your lying to everyone, to me, to your brothers and
sister…..and to yourself Mick. You can’t fucking do this!” Ian said emotionally
to Mickey.
 
 
“Ian you’re fucking making things worse and harder man. Please just stop this
shit now!” Mickey said to him.
 
 
“How can things be any harder or worse Mickey! This isn’t a life you want Mick.
Denying your own fucking feelings and dying everyday slowly, piece by
piece….You as well as I know that if you admit it! For one fucking second just
admit it! You know that if you do everything and I mean everything would change
Mickey. Everything would change for the better and not just for you Mick for
everyone; But most importantly for you.” Ian says to Mickey.
 
 
“I am about to marry Colt…Ian…Please.” Mickey said now weakly.
 
 
“I know….that’s why it’s now or never Mick. It will be too late for you; you
and I both know that you’re not happy. I look at you and in your eyes they say
it all; you can’t fucking deny that.” Ian said
 
 
“How can you ask me to do this Ian?” Mickey said
 
 
“Because I love you, because you deserve the world and more...It’s taking
everything in me not to go lock your fucking door and pull you in and Make love
to you over and over again. Never making you feel empty inside, never having
you leave the house sad or mad, or miserable.” Ian said to Mickey who looks
away as Ian was professing his love for him. “Look at me….look at me Mickey!”
Ian yells out and Mickey is looking away trying not to see Ian, but then looks
at him and has a few tears come down his face.
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian then looks away wiping his eyes. “Ian I can’t leave him
like that.” Mickey said weakly
 
 
“You can’t even look at me and say that can you!” Ian hissed at him
 
 
“Me and you have been through this before okay, a few times now….We both know
that the outcome is always the same Ian.” Mickey said.
 
 
“Come with me…” Ian tells Mickey in his last attempted.
 
 
“I’m sorry Ian I made my decision.” Mickey says to Ian sadly.
 
 
“You made your decision…well now I have to make mines….I tried your way okay,
fucking try to stay away. I tried to be friends with you and still have a
relationship of understanding and trust with you. I even turned down a fucking
transfer to LA for you at first.” Ian said revealing something he hadn’t told
no one till now. Mickey is now shocked and surprised at this news. “Oh yeah see
you didn’t know, but no one fucking knew what I did. That I turned down that
job, but you know what I still have 3 more left at least.” Ian said.
 
 
When Mickey didn’t say anything Ian continued on talking “….Do you know what I
do so that I won’t have to see you around, so that I won’t have to bump into
or-or feel obligated to just go and want to see you? Do you know what I
do?...No. no you don’t…You don’t that I have take the long way to work so I
don’t have to see all the places we use to go, or even bump into you on the
streets. Why do you think I haven’t seen you in weeks huh?” Ian said to Mickey
coldly.
 
 
“Ian-” Mickey tries to say
 
 
“No! You’re everywhere… Don’t you fucking get that! You’re in my dreams, you’re
in my home that we shared; you’re just fucking everywhere Mickey! I can’t
fucking take it anymore!” Ian shouts out to Mickey with tears almost coming out
of his eyes
 
 
“Don’t say shit like that Ian please don’t, we just need…fuck I don’t know any
more okay?” Mickey said “It will pass Ian, I promise it has to.”
 
 
Ian tries to calm himself down and takes a deep breath in and say “No” Ian says
and is shaking his head. “...No, no it won’t. Not if there’s any chance of
bumping into one other on the streets or going home and having you ever where I
see you. Not if I still have your number and know where you live Mick…It won’t
pass, this isn’t something time will help heal okay…. the only thing that’s
going to make this better is if I put as much distance between me and you.
That’s the only way this could work.” Ian said heart brokenly; and he knew he
was right that this was the only way and that it has to be done.
 
 
Mickey turns around and sees Ian face. He see how serious he is and knows that
he means what he’s saying “No Ian…trust me okay, it will get better, we will
get better at this. We’re friends right? So why can’t we just stay like that?”
Mickey says trying to plead with Ian.
 
 
“The only way that this will get better Mickey…is if I leave Chicago. Move on
and you move on with your life as well okay….there’s no other way. The sooner,
the better; maybe next week or some shit, but I have to go. I can’t be here
anymore!” Ian says sadly.
 
 
And with that last comment, that sparks something in Mickey. “So that’s you’re
fucking solution then? You’re really just gonna pick up and leave and go
somewhere and do what Ian?” Mickey says to Ian a bit aggressively.
 
 
“I’m out of Opinion Mickey! I can’t be here and see you with him. Or know that
you’re here and I can’t have you or be with you! You’re with him and it fucking
hurts, because it should be me with you.” Ian says to him
 
 
“Well what about Debbie?  You can’t just up and leave like that; plus you said
something about your job and transfer and I know that shit takes time, so you
can’t just leave like that fast and not-” Mickey says rushed out but didn’t
finish as Ian cuts him off.
 
 
“Debbie will be fine or she can come with me. I’ve told her that already. My
job...Well I can still get a transfer again if I want to go to LA; that wasn’t
the only place that wanted me remember. I can speak to my captain to see if I
can process the transfer as soon as possible, or maybe I can call my old
General again and tell him I’ll take his offer like I announced a few weeks ago
at dinner...the tension we have between us is fucking terrible for us. You and
Colt will have a life together…be together and move on. That’s what you wanted
Mickey.” Ian says to Mickey. He was just so tired of fighting and not getting
anywhere.
 
 
Mickey shakes his head as he speaks and moves closer to Ian. “Okay no this-this
is crazy Ian. It’s just fucking crazy Ian. You can’t do this!” Mickey says
firmly to Ian.
 
 
“Like Hell I can’t! You think I like this Mick?” Ian said and starts to shout
again.
 
 
“Then don’t do it Ian!” Mickey shouted back at him
 
 
Ian looked at Mickey for a few seconds that spoke calmly again. “You’re asking
me to stay Mickey? Is that what you’re asking me?” Ian asked.
 
 
“YES!” Mickey said with no hesitation
 
 
Ian shook his head in disbelieve because not even Mickey knew what the fuck he
wanted; but apparently he wanted Ian to stay. “Yeah getting me to stay and
always wanting you, but never being able to have you? Huh? You really are
fucking crazy aren’t you?” Ian said bitterly to Mickey and slightly regretting
what he said. Mickey looked away in shame not being able to respond back. So
Ian continues talking. “And fucking god-forbid if Colt comes in here right now
and sees us talking about this shit! Or god-forbid he overhears us huh? How’d
you think he would react Mickey?” Ian’s tone of voice didn’t lighten up, it
just got darker. “Mother fucker would flip his lid right? And you know it!”
 
 
“Stay Ian! Please just stay for Debbie, and Mandy.” Was all Mickey can say
looking at Ian.
 
 
Ian just glares at Mickey for saying that. “NO!” Ian yells out in frustration
“The only reason that I will stay is for you and me Mickey, for us…” Ian said.
The room went silent and both Mickey and Ian can feel the distance between each
other and the air; the air changed in the room and now both men were looking at
each other not once breaking eye contact.
 
 
“So Mick….what is it gonna be?” Ian asked Mickey looking at him waiting for a
responds that he prays he will hear, but feels he won’t. Was it wrong to give
Mickey an ultimatum? No, not to Ian it wasn’t. Mickey was being selfish for
asking Ian to stay. It would be torcher for him to stay and watch Mickey be
with Colt. That isn’t fair at all.
 
 
“I just want some piece Ian. I?” Was all Mickey said to Ian with glassy eyes.
 
 
“I want that to Mick.” Ian said unfazed and shrugged his shoulders “Balls all
in your court….not mine.”
 
 
Mickey’s face change and now he was angry all of a sudden he was angry at Ian.
How could he say it’s all on him? This wasn’t fucking fair, why couldn’t they
just stay and have things the way it was supposed to be and be fucking happy
for each other…..why couldn’t his feelings for Ian leave!? Why couldn’t he just
let go if he was with Colt!!  “Fine!…Fine then! If that’s the only way that you
can be at ease and get over this is by leaving Chicago then FINE IAN! GO! GET
OUT AND LEAVE!” Mickey shouts out at the end.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and his eyes are water. He walks up to Mickey and Mickey
looks at Ian as he gets closer. He should move but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want
Ian to leave he wants him close always close. His feelings were never so much
complicated as they were until Ian came into his life….that day at the hospital
when he first officially met Ian; when he had a conversation with Ian, almost 1
year and a half ago; telling him to leave him alone and forget about Nick and
not to see him anymore. Mickey even knew then that Ian Gallagher was going to
be trouble for him, and not having Ian in his life would hurt….just like….well
just like now.
 
 
Ian is now facing Mickey and their bodies are touching and with a slow motion
Ian tilts his head and captures Mickeys’ lips. Mickey doesn’t move away from
Ian or push him away. Instead, he’s kissing Ian back. And it’s the most
passionate kiss they have ever shared, but there’s something else behind that
kiss as well…… it's goodbye kiss…..
 
 
Ian breaks the kiss and Mickey hates that; he knows what that kiss was. Ian
looks at Mickey and steps back as he speaks. “Done! It’s done. You won’t ever
see me again Mikhailo.” He says, Ian turns and walks away and is out the door
before Mickey can respond.
 
 
Mickey is left standing there in his sala alone. For a second he thinks to
himself and then goes to towards the door to see if he can catch Ian, but he’s
gone.  Mickey just locks the door and turns around and slides down to the
ground and lets the tears on his face come out.
 
 
And now…..Ian’s gone …. And he’s gone forever this time.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter End Notes
     So yeah the angst hit...I really hope you guys are seeing how Mickey
     is different yet still same as he use to be in a way. THe concept of
     integration is the bring a person together as a whole and he or she
     is that person. In some ways you see Nick in Mickey and Mickey as he
     use to be. But soon like next chapter soon you guys should see more
     of what I mean...well I hope you do. It's sometimes hard to describe
     what I have in my head and type it correctly on paper. I want you
     guys to see what I see. So I hope you are. Let me know what you
     think.
***** Stay *****
Chapter Notes
     New Note:Hey so i finally got around to updating and editing the rest
     of the chapters. I hope you guys are still with me. Im working on the
     next one, but school and work. Life crazy that way.
      
     Past Note: Well Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you guys are having
     a wonderful day.
     So with this don't hate me. But I have to keep you guys wanting more
     right?
     BUt anyways I did fuck up, there was one part I wrote in the
     beginning when I first started this story that I forgot to put in
     completely, but I got in here. It's flash backs of Nick and Ian.
     Mickey remembering. So I hope you guys enjoy it. You get to see how
     they first had there first encounter and what it meant by when ever
     someone asked them how they met that Nick knocked Ian out.
     The title of this chapter is actual a song called Stay from Miley
     Cyrus. I dont know if anyone has ever heard it, but its perfect for
     this chapter I think. So heres the link I hope yah like it
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHKOX9np09s
      
     So here you go. I hope you guys love it and please let me know what
     you think of it. I love your comments and kudos and well Merry
     Christmas guys my gift to you all. xoxoxoxox
See the end of the chapter for more notes
It had been a month since Mickey had seen or heard from Ian. Mickey mood had
been up and down since that night everything happened. It was like he was on
auto pilot. Sometimes he would register what was going on around him and other
times he would space out. His psychologist gave him advice on how to deal with
certain things Mickey was feeling. She even asked Mickey if he thought he was
doing the right thing or if he felt he was making the right decisions for
himself. To which Mickey said “I don’t fucking know.” The wedding was
approaching soon and the invitations were all sent out. Mickey didn’t really
have a part in planning much of the wedding. He just agreed to whatever Colt
wanted and said yes or no to things. He wasn’t invested in it, and he didn’t
pay much attention to it.
 
 
The guest list consisted some of Mickey’s workers, his brothers and sister and
of course his sister in laws parent and his niece. Colt invited friends from
work, his cousins, aunts, uncle, parents the whole fucking nine yards. Mickey
didn’t want a big wedding, if anything signing a piece of paper was whatever to
him. It didn’t mean anything to him. Fuck up part was that that he was supposed
to care.
 
 
The wedding was happening in 2 1/2 weeks….2 1/2 WEEKS! Mickey didn’t want to
think much of it. See once the divorce for him and Ian went through, Colt
suggested that they get married as soon as possible. Mickey just nodded his
head and said nothing. Colt did everything for the wedding; he picked out their
tux, their wedding rings, where it was being held, the reception, the food just
everything. Mickey was well….all he had to do was show up really.
                                        
                                     *****
 
Mickey was mostly always at the shop by himself after hours working on his car.
If he wasn’t home in his back room messing around with the music or learning to
draw new things. He was working on his car; she was almost done, with a new
engine that purred like a kitten, the body of the car was perfect and fixed.
When Mickey got her she was damaged not too much, but he knew he could fix her.
Mickey replaced all the windows and lights on the car. The brakes were new and
perfect; he did in fact install them in himself. The cooling system operated
perfectly fine now. There was a new battery in her, the Exhaust pipes, new
completely new and boy oh boy did they look sexy. The oil was changed of course
the suspension to the car was in place. She was almost done. Mickey just need
to recheck everything and paint her black and forest green. His vision was for
her to be all black with green flames; his favorite color was green after all.
Plus the transmission he personally replace was perfect…I mean shit if Mickey
could he would make love to this car. It was his baby, more like it was his
distraction.
 
 
So now here he was making sure the cooling system was good, and wiring the
radio into the car. While doing this; that was when he heard someone come in
the shop. Mickey gets out from his car and looks over to who was coming towards
him.
 
 
He sees Mandy and Collin; they were making their way over to him. “Hey what’s
up man? How’s she’s looking?” Collin asked his brother.
 
 
“She good, she’s coming along fine now.” Mickey said wiping his hands with his
rag “What’s up? Why are you guys here for after hours?” Mickey asked
 
 
“Well I need to check on the numbers to make sure everything was good for this
month quarter and Collin decided to tag along and be all boss man like and shit
now.” Mandy said making fun of Collin.
 
 
Collin shoved her light “Fuck you, I am boss man bitch” Collin says while
laughing.
 
 
“Yeah okay.” Was all Mickey said as he decides to put his tools away now.
 
 
Mandy’s phone goes off and she looks at it and is she texting someone. “Ugh.
Mickey, can you tell your fucking bridezilla bitch to back the fuck off.” She
says to him while texting back Colt annoyingly.
 
 
“Just tell him yourself. Why what’s wrong? What the fuck does he want now?”
Mickey asked
 
 
“He keeps on with seating arrangement and then he picked out this disgusting
horrible maid of honor dress for me. Why the fuck did I agree to this shit? Oh
yeah, I wanted to be a nice sister in law. Blah!” Mandy said making a
disgusting sound. She then goes to Mickey and shows him a picture of an ugly
pink peach dress. "What the fuck is that? Mickey seriously what the fuck is
that? Look at it? It looks like someone ate that shit and shitty it out! Who
makes shit like this!” Mandy said to him while point at her phone and showing
him
 
 
Mickey laughs at her “Yeah it does.” he said. He laughs for a bit then makes a
frown as he’s looking at the picture. He turns away to continue on what he was
doing; putting his tools away.
 
 
Of course his big brother notice this “Hey Mickey” Collin says to him.
 
 
“Hey” Mickey says right back to Collin.
 
 
And out of nowhere “You sure you wanna get married? I mean to like Colt?”
Collin asked.
 
 
“Yeah Collins right; I mean-why are you getting married to him? Why did you yes
and why so soon?” Mandy asked
 
 
Mickey was silent and he looks at his siblings for a moment and then looks
away. He turns again to look at his brother and sister and looks away again
once more as he responds to their question. “Because I want to be with him
okay…plus Colt’s been with me through everything. He loves me, and I care for
him. And as to why we’re getting married soon….(Mickey shrugs his shoulders) I
mean; I don’t know okay. Once the divorce from Ian was finally he wanted to do
it and I agreed. I mean I don’t want to get married so soon, but I mean I said
yes and I can’t exactly say no now can I. I can’t change my mind and tell him
no not yet and that it’s too soon.” Mickey says as he’s moving around to the
other side of the car.
 
 
“Says who?” Mandy asked him.
 
 
Mickey tenses up at her question and it doesn’t go unnoticed at all. “Says me
okay; I’m not gonna do that him. I’ve done enough to him already with the whole
multiple personality disorder and fucking doing what I did okay. Not to mention
he stuck around, and if he did then…I mean, it means something okay.” Mickey
said not looking at his siblings
 
 
“Bullshit!” Mandy spat back out to him.
 
 
Mickey looks at his sister now and raised his eye brows at her. “Fuck you Mandy
okay!” Mickey snaps out back at Mandy.
 
 
“What? I’m only speaking the truth and you know it! For Christ sack Mickey
you’re not even happy about your wedding! Your wedding, you know the thing you
have with someone you love and care for and want to be with, like forever! Shit
you haven’t even played one part or taking a likely to participating in the
plaining of it.  You don’t even fucking smile anymore! All you do is smirk and
give everyone fake smiles and fake laughs as if we don’t know! Well guess what
Mick we know and we see it!” Mandy said forcefully yet firmly to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey now looks at his sister like she crazy, yet he can’t deny that what she
just said wasn’t true. He looks at both Collin and Mandy; he takes a real good
look at them and wants to know why they fuck they really were here. Mandy could
always do the books and go over paper work for the quarter tomorrow, plus she
always sends Collin an email or calls him. So he begins to think as to why the
fuck where they really here for? “This is bullshit! Why the fuck did you two
really come here for huh? Because from the looks of it; it just fucking seems
you both came here to jump me on about bullshit!” Mickey yells out to them.
 
 
“No Mickey that’s not why okay” Collin said now
 
 
“Like hell it’s not!” Mandy snaps out taking a step forward and putting her
hands on her waist. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t fucking stand this
shit anymore!” Mandy expressed out to Collin and Mickey.
 
 
“It’s not your fucking life or business!” Mickey shouted at her
 
 
Mandy steps up to her brother as spoke to him. Her voice begins to travel and
that was a clear sign that she was pissed off. “It is my business when your
stupid ass finance goes to your ex-husband job, and personally invites him to
your wedding, with a fucking invitation in hand asking if he had a plus one to
bring to your wedding!” Mandy yells out at the end.
 
 
Mickey looked at her like she was crazy “What the fuck do you mean? Colt did
what?” Mickey asked shockingly.
 
 
“That’s right Mickey. Your asshole of a soon to be the permanent pain in my
fucking ass; Went to Ian’s job, asked for him, then went up to him and asked if
he was going to you guys wedding, and gave him an invitation personally. Then
he had the nerves to fucking ask if he had a plus one and to get back to him!”
Mandy said fuming “Do you have any idea what I had to do to stop Ian from
kicking his ass!” Mandy said “Let me enlighten, a bit; I had to get his partner
to hold him back and then, even then I had to tell him that Colt was being a
dick. Even though Ian knew he was being a prick. See that’s what your
marrying…a prick!” Mandy says to him with heat behind her voice.
 
 
“When did this happen?” Mickey asked still in shock but yet not so surprised at
how Colt can be. Not anymore anyways, but still Colt wouldn’t do that now. He
has Mickey and to rub that in Ian’s face was more fucked up than anything.
 
 
“A few days ago” Mandy said and Collin nodded
 
 
Mickey was taken back a bit. “How do you know that Ian isn’t lying” Mickey
asked
 
 
“Because I was there Mick…I was having lunch with Ian and then Colt showed up
acting like shit is sweet and like his shit don’t stink.” Mandy said with some
more heat in her voice.
 
 
Collin spoke now. “Look Mick, we just wanted to make sure you’re okay and that
if you know…” Collin trailed
 
 
“If I know what Collin?” Mickey asked looking at his brother.
 
 
“Well we wanted to know if you are sure that you’re making the right decision
here. Because you don’t seem invested in a lot things these days unless it’s
this car, and well….you’re not you…And with everything that has happened…Well
Mick, we’re just worried for you okay.” Collin said to Mickey.
 
 
“What the fuck does that mean I’m not me…” Mickey said looking at both his
siblings. “Look I’m me okay, I’m fine.” Mickey said defensively.
 
 
“Oh really? Because when I was getting married to Leah, we were excited. I was;
shit man I couldn’t wait for the fucking honey moon. I smiled and I was happy
when me and her were just together and not even Married yet…but Mickey you’re
not and we see it. We know you’re not and you can’t deny that. It makes us
think if even you’re you or whatever man!” Collin said to him
 
 
“Fuck you okay! I’m not all here okay?” Mickey said pointing to his head “I
still go to therapy for the shit I see and think about! So fuck you for
thinking I’m not me, because if you knew half the shit I did and half the shit
I remembered and what I did, you would be spaced out to okay!” Mickey said
angrily. “I’m fine, I made my decision and if you don’t like it you both can go
fuck you’re selves and not come to the fucking wedding!” Mickey said tossing
his tools in his tool box.
 
 
“Wow you really are more fucking stubborn then ever!” Mandy said and Mickey
looked at now and gave her the finger. “Why are you marrying Colt? Huh? I mean
really give me an explanation at least, as to why you rather be miserable and
not happy? Than be happy and free with whoever? Whether it’s with Ian or not
Ian or some other guy; why are you marrying someone you’re clearly not happy
with?”
 
 
Mickey shot Mandy a look. “I am happy, yah just don’t see it!” Mickey snaps
back at her.
 
 
“No you’re not!” Collin said stepping in between the two and walks up to his
brother. “Mickey, you don’t see it, because you’re denying it. Just like with
you disorder in the beginning remember…..Just like how we all did, but you…”
Collin said shaking his head. “Mick can you really look me in the eyes and say
you love Colt; that he’s the best thing ever…or better yet.” Collin said taking
a step back to really look at his brother and says. “Can you say you want to
get married? Can you honestly say to us or to me or rather yourself; and
picture yourself with him being married? Till death do you part right? Why rush
it? Why not stay engaged? I mean that’s the best part of a relationship of what
you go through with your partner is before getting married, is being engaged!
Testing the waters out on how marriage life will be.” Collin said to Mickey
seriously yet softly. He wanted his little brother to sink in the reality of
marriage and what beauty it really has.
 
 
Mickey looks at Collin, then Mandy before shutting his tool box and kicking it
to the side “Look, I’m marrying Colt, because he’s been there for me. He didn’t
leave when he should have, when he could have. God knows I did so much shit to
make him leave, but he didn’t. He loves me and always has okay, so why can’t I
just do this and make everyone happy?  Him included okay, he deserves to be
happy! I know you guys don’t like him, but it’s safe to be with Colt okay!”
Mickey said out loud not meaning to say that last part. Even he was shock that
he just said that out loud.
 
 
“What’d you mean it’s safe Mick?” Collin asked
 
 
“Nothing…I mean nothing by it aight.” Mickey says now walking to the back
office.
 
 
Mandy had signalled for Collin to stay back as she goes to speak to her brother
now and try to find out what he meant by it being safe to be with Colt. “Mick?”
Mandy said knocking on his door.
 
 
Mickey was annoyed and tired with his siblings badgering him about Colt and his
decision to be with him. “Whaaat Mandy?” Mickey said tiredly
 
 
“What did you mean by that it’s safe to be with Colt? What does that mean
Mick?” Mandy asked him, getting straight to the point.
 
 
Mickey looks at Mandy than looks away as he sat down on his desk. He still
wasn’t looking at her as the room was silent for a moment. He was just spacing
out now with his head tilted to the right. Then he just spoke to her like it
was nothing and yet as it was everything to him. “I just don’t…I mean.” Mickey
huffed out annoyingly as he was trying to explain what he wanted to explain,
but couldn’t find the best words to make Mandy or anyone understand. “He’s been
there okay? And yeah so has Ian…but Nick wasn’t in a relationship with Ian
first, I was with Colt first before Ian. I promised Colt that we would start
over and building something Mands, I promised him we could try...I married
Ian.” He said now looking at her sadly. “And do you know how heartbroken Colt
was? We got into a fight about it, and he was so crushed. I had told him before
everything that happened that no I didn’t want get married to him and that I
didn’t believe in marriage, and then here comes me fucking marrying another
guy. Even if it was Nick it was me Mandy! Me!” Mickey said now pointing to
himself “Mands, I owe it to him to give back to him some kind of
happiness….Plus Ian will be better off without being with someone who’s damaged
as I am….Mandy that’s all I am! Don’t you get it; that’s all I am, I’m damaged
goods, and Ian deserves someone who’s better than that, and not me!” Mickey
said looking at his sister dead in his eyes as he eyes become glassy with tears
threatening to fall down his face.
 
 
Mandy looks at brother sadly as she speaks to him. “Mickey you’re not damaged
goods or some shit? You’re more than that Mick! Can’t you see that from
everything you’ve been through?” she tells him more than asking him.
 
 
Mickey shakes his head at her and gives her a small sad smile. “Mandy yes I
am!…Ian fell in love with Nick…he didn’t fall in love with me. He still
probably is in love with Nick and it just seems like it’s me when it’s not!”
Mickey said to her and sighs. “I mean fuck Mandy who would want me after
everything….Huh? ......I willingly used men and woman whenever I wanted. When
Nick was out, I slept with whoever; did whatever drugs were out there! Shit
Mandy I had put a fucking needle in my arm! Did you know that! Huh! Just some
of Nicks beautiful little secrets he’s kept to himself…..and I was lucky I
didn’t get anything….I’m a fucking product of child pornography! Of rape, of
abuse!”  He shouted out to her with tears threatening even more to come out if
his eyes. His heart was conflicted and is mind was tired. Emotionally he was
drained. It was as if he felt all the pain in the world hit him, and no matter
how bad that pain was all he could do was try and hold it in. A mask was
something he learned to do and have…thanks to Nick. However, Mickey wasn’t
don’t explaining himself yet, so he just let it out. And it came out like a
rush of waves hit the ocean rock. Wave after, wave after wave.
 
 
“Our Sperm donor took me and used me okay… Practically sold me whenever he
wanted….who wants that? Shit, I don’t even want me. I wish to god or whatever
power in this fucking fucked up world of the universe that I couldn’t feel what
I feel. That I could just move on and not feel! No, Ian deserves better than
me. He deserves someone who can give him what he wants emotionally and
physically. He doesn’t need to take care of me, and he doesn’t want me to take
care of him either. What Ian needs is for someone who’s better than me! Colt
needs me to take care of him now…He stood around and tried to help me, so now I
have to do the same…I can’t just leave him high and dry as much as I” Mickey
said stopping suddenly. “….FUCK!” Mickey said looking away and got up from the
desk and held on to his chain as he continues to talk. “He will leave me any
way…” Mickey said lowly sounding small. “Ian will leave once he knows he’s made
a mistake and guess what Mands?” Mickey said looking up at his sister. “I don’t
think I can take that pain. I rather him be with someone who he knows he will
love forever. Someone who I know won’t hurt him, and that someone who is good
enough for him and not damaged as me. Plus what I feel Mandy is not my own
feelings, they’re just there because of the integration. But they will soon
leave and be gone…Why would I hurt someone I care for like that…It just best if
he finds someone better…someone who can do better for him…I’m nothing.” Mickey
said holding hard onto the ring that was on the neckless he wore and never took
off.
 
 
Mandy was quiet and her face was hard. She really did hate hearing her brother
talk about himself as if he was nothing. Because Mickey was so much more, and
he was far from nothing. “So Colt’s what? You think Colt’s you’re fucking
responsibility to you or some shit? You think because of what you went through
that the only person that deserves you is him, because what? Hum?” Mandy said
raising her eyes brows. Mickey was about to say something to her, but she
didn’t let him speak. “You’re damaged?” She said not asking as she squints her
eyes at her brother and shakes her head at him. “Mickey you’re not damaged,
you’re wounded, and when you’re wounded you fucking fight! Just because Colt
has been there and hasn’t left you, doesn’t mean he’s good for you, or is the
one person you need to spend the rest of your life with! You think because of
what happened to you; everything that happened to you that you deserve someone
who doesn’t love you for you. If you think Colt sees you the way Ian does, then
you’re fucking crazier than ever….Mickey you deserve so much more. Ian loves
you for you no matter what you think okay. He wouldn’t leave you. He loves you
and not just an image of you because of Nick…He loves you and wants you to be
happy and always feel loved. He wouldn’t leave you or regret you for anything
in the world. Not with the way he looks at you and worships you like your
fucking god man.” She said to him firmly
 
 
“Mandy ….I have to play it safe.” Was all that Mickey can say to her.
 
 
“Safe for who Mickey? For Colt or for you? Because from what I’m seeing you’re
scared of you’re feelings. You’re scared of those feelings you have for Ian
because their your own, and not your alters.” Mandy says to Mickey; who just
stands staring at her staying silent. He didn’t know what to say to that, he
didn’t want to say anything. He just didn’t want to say anything to that
statement because a part of him didn’t know what he was feeling anymore. Mickey
walks around his desk and is playing with his chain on his neck not looking at
his sister yet.
 
 
Mandy was observing Mickey closely, not taking her eyes off her brother. She
sees him playing with the chain neckless he has on, there’s a white gold ring
on it. That was his old wedding band he and Ian shared. Ian still had his as
well and just like Mickey, it was on a chain along with his dog tags. “How long
have you had feelings for Ian Mickey? And I’m talking about before the
integration happened. Have you had feelings for Ian since before then?” Mandy
asked him.
 
                                           
Mickey shakes his head as he speaks. “No…no okay, me and Ian, no; I told you
what I feel and why okay……so can we please drop it.” Mickey says to her and
looks away from her.
 
 
Mandy nodded her head and drops the subject, leaving Mickey alone in the
office. It didn’t take long for her and Collin to leave, so now he as all alone
again with his thoughts in mind. He was thinking of what and how to move on
from this.
                                        
                                    ******
 
When Mickey got home from the shop he was exhausted, but something to him felt
off. Like not right. He was tired from work, but instead of going to bed after
coming home and showering, he went into the back room. For some reason he felt
different in his own house. But back here in this room, this was a place of
escape for Mickey, and he felt that. Mickey turns on his computer and started
playing music. He just closed his eyes and let the music take him. He stood
there in his chair just listening to the music that played and got lost in it.
After words he then gets up and goes over to his piano. At first he started
messing with it, but then he started playing with the piano and found himself
playing a song from John Mayer Dreaming with a broken heart. He then found
himself singing and getting lost in the song as well.
 
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart,
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll out of bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here
Is she standing in my room?
No he’s not (Mickey found himself changing the song as he played it)
Causes he’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart,
The giving up is the hardest part
 
 
He takes you in with his crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering, could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No he can’t
Cause he’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone
 
Mickey couldn't finish singing the song so he just played it and when he got to
the last of the verse he sang quietly to himself. “The waking up is the hardest
part.” He gets up from his chair and goes over to bathroom, closes the door and
left the outside world alone. He turns on the shower and stands in it for an
hour. Once he felt better he got out of the shower and got dressed, but went
back into the back room again.
 
 
Mickey ended up spending most of the evening in the back room. He played
everything and listened to whatever. It was as if he was doing it for the first
time ever. When he was done with the music he then decides that he wanted to do
something different. So he takes out the paint that he had stored away and took
out a canvas that he had. OF course it was Nick that had all this, but Mickey
didn’t think like that anymore. He couldn’t really, because Nick was him and he
was Nick. He wanted to break out of his mind and stop thinking of everything.
So why not paint and listen to music right?
 
 
When he takes out the paint, he puts it on his hands and begins laughing all of
a sudden. He then looks at the canvas and threw the paint on it. He just
started throwing paint and was laughing to himself. He didn’t want think so
this was something to do. It was a way to not think of anything; not to think
of Ian, or of Colt, or of the wedding. To not feel the stress, and pressure. To
especially not think of what happened to him as a kid, or the fact that he’s
going to therapy and dealing with everything. This was Mickey way of staying
his ground and being free as much as he could be. After he’s done and looks up
at what he did, he just laughs again to himself. He had more paint on him then
on the canvas, but he didn’t feel stress, he didn’t feel lonely, or sad, or in
pain, or anything. What he did feel was that he was free. What he felt was
enjoyment of just having fun and doing something different that didn’t involve
him thinking. He smiled and had tears coming down his face, because for the
first time in a long time, he felt like he was able to control something again.
 
************
 
Mickey cleans himself up the best way he could, and after-words he goes to his
computer and stereo system. He starts playing some music that was much heavier,
he turns up the volume of his music and sat at the window seal ignoring the
world and everything around him as he starts to draw. He didn’t know what he
was drawing but he was in the zone.
 
 
Just then as he’s focus on what he’s drawing, his music suddenly stops and he
looks up. Colt is standing right next to his computer “What the fuck Colt?”
Mickey said to him with some heat behind his voice.
 
 
“What? That shit is too loud Mickey. Plus since when are you into house and
techno music. Shit sounds horrible.” Colt said looking at Mickey oddly.
 
 
Mickey looks at Colt and gives him a disgusted face. “Fuck you okay. I made
that music.” Mickey said putting his drawing book down and walking over to his
computer shutting it down so that Colt didn’t get on it. “Don’t touch my shit
every again!” he said and walks out the room not saying a word to Colt.
 
 
Colt follows Mickey out of the room into the sala. “What the fuck is your
problem now? God I swear everyday it’s like you get more rude and angry, or you
just do shit that you’ve never done before.” Colt said Mickey annoyingly.
 
 
“It’s called being me Colt, you gotta problem with that?” Mickey said
challenging him.
 
 
“Fuck you Mickey. I’m just telling you what’s up okay. Plus when we move in
together things have to change remember.” Colt tells him as a matter of fact.
 
 
“No Colt they don’t have to fucking change okay….and you know what your dick
head?” Mickey says to Colt sarcastically. If Colt wanted to start with him then
by all means Mickey had no problem with arguing with Colt. Especially with
Mandy telling him what he did to Ian.
 
 
Colt loudly threw his hands up in the air “What the fuck? What did I do now to
you?” Colt yells out at him.
 
 
Mickey shakes his head at Colt and chuckles. “Fuck you! You know what you did
Colt!” Mickey tells him.
 
 
Colt looked at Mickey confused “What the fuck you do mean I know what I did? If
I knew that then I wouldn’t be asking you; you asshole!” Colt snaps out at
Mickey.
 
 
Mickey laughs at Colt again and shakes his head. “Wow, you really must be that
fucking ignorant…You went ahead and you fucking went to Ian’s job and gave him
an invite to our wedding! What they fuck possessed you to do some shit like
that?” Mickey yells out at Colt, while walking towards him.
 
 
“Well I figured since you guys are friends now, he can come. I didn’t think
there was anything wrong with that okay!” Colt said sarcastically to Mickey.
“Plus when I showed you the list you said it was fine and Ian’s name was on
it.” Colt said to him as a matter of fact.
 
 
Mickey shakes his head at Colt. “No Colt, you still shouldn’t have gone to his
job. Who the fuck does that shit?” Mickey said more than asked.
 
 
“Well I do! I don’t get what’s the problem anyway. You wanted to be friends
with that ass; yet it’s a problem to invite him to your own wedding!? God I
swear sometimes I wonder about this whole new you thing or something. I miss
the old Mickey.” Colt said getting up from the sofa.
 
 
Mickey raises his eye brows and gives Colt a ‘are you fucking kidding me’ face.
“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean!?” Mickey said yelling at Colt.
 
 
“It means that the old you I kind of miss. And if this marriage is going to
work Mickey, then you have to make some changes. Because this is not you! I
mean shit I’ve made some changes; I’ve stuck around when others wouldn’t.
Anyone would have left your ass a long time ago, but I stuck around!” Colt says
while making his way to the kitchen leaving Mickey in the sala alone by
himself.
 
 
Mickey storms into the kitchen looking at Colt in disbelief. “Did you really
just say that to me?” Mickey asked Colt, because he knows he must have heard
wrong.
 
 
Colt looks over at Mickey and shrugs his shoulders at him before he spoke.
“Look, I know with the wedding coming up your stressed, but so am I Mick. Maybe
we should just cool it for a while yeah? Plus you need to sort out your own
shit. And yeah….I miss the old you, I’m not going to lie.” Colt says pushing
past Mickey and leaves the apartment. Mickey is left standing there in shock
alone. What Colt just said to him shocked him, because he didn’t expect him to
say that to him…but then again in the back of Mickey’s mind he wasn’t
surprised.
 
 
Mickey stood in the kitchen for a few more minutes then goes back into the
sala. He just stands there looking at everything around him. He was alone yet
there was this feeling. For some reason he was happy that he was alone again
inside of his apartment. He went to his front door to close and lock it. He was
sure Colt wasn’t going to come back tonight. And he didn’t care if he did or
didn’t. Mickey goes back into his room; he gets out his guitar and begins to
play it. Getting lost again was something he’s recently learned to do more and
more often.
 
                                  ***********
 
Of course Mandy finding out about what happened with Ian and Mickey was a bad
thing. She was upset about the whole thing in general. She was upset at her
brother for being a moron and she was upset at Ian for being Ian in making the
stupid decision he was about to make. Mandy didn’t want to get in the middle of
it, but then again she couldn’t help but see how dead Ian’s eyes look whenever
they hung out. Or how miserable and sad her brother was every time she looked
at him. So when Ian told her his decision that he was going to leave Chicago,
you can image how pissed off she was even more at him and Mickey.
 
 
“You can’t fucking do this Ian! Just hold on and wait a little longer okay?”
Mandy said to Ian knowing that she was being selfish to even ask something like
that.
 
 
“Mandy I don’t want to wait! I want to leave and that’s final” Ian said to her
with some heat behind his voice.
 
 
But Mandy wasn’t backing down without a fight. “So running off back into the
military is the answer. You said it yourself that your transfer to New York
should be good in a few months since you requested it. Just wait and hold on
Ian.” Mandy said to him in somewhat of a pled
 
 
“No!....If I stay here….Mands I can’t okay. Debbie will understand, she has to
and you have to as well.” Ian says to her.
 
 
Mandy looks at Ian for a few moments studying him before she speaks. “This is
because Mickey’s getting married in a week isn’t.” Mandy says to Ian looking at
him not expecting him to answer at all. Ian looks at her and turns away. Mandy
got her answer from the silence alone. Ian didn’t need to say anything at all.
 
 
No one knew it, but it turned out that Mickey had been so consumed with what
happened between him and Ian; that all he did was do things for the wedding and
agree with Colt on everything. He didn’t really have an input on things, he
just said yeah and agreed. It was as if he was a zombie. He tried to reach out
to Ian and apologize, but the red head man refused to acknowledge him. And of
course it hurt Ian, but what else could he do? So he just pushed Mickey away,
and it was what he had to do in order to break free and let Mickey go.
 
 
“……Mandy, I don’t want be here when he gets married…… (Ian is silent for a
moment before he speaks again) It’s bad enough fucking Colt came to my job and
personally” Ian says and turns around to her to look at her dead in her eyes.
“Fucking personally Mandy, that mother fucker invited me to-their wedding
asking if I had a plus one…” Ian said emotionally “A plus fucking one….really
Mandy? Do you have any idea what self-control it took for me to not beat his
ass or even shoot him?” Ian hissed out at her.
 
 
“Yes I do I was there remember!” Mandy says and sighs as she runs her hands
through her hair. “Ian…look, I get it ok. If the love of my life was making a
huge fucking mistake, I wouldn’t want to be near him either. But I would fight
for him. Stop the wedding or some shit!” Mandy said to him firmly.
 
 
“Oh yeah and what the fuck did you think I was doing Mandy? Playing with my
dick! Look I told him how I felt about him, that I want to be with him……shit I
even told him we can go anywhere even to the fucking moon or mars and shit. He
knows I want to be with him... But he doesn’t want me Mands.” Ian said sadly to
Mandy.
 
 
“Yeah but does he know you love him….like love him, love him Ian.” Mandy said
and Ian looked at her like she was crazy.
 
 
“Of course he knows I love him Mandy. Why would you think that?” Ian asked her
“Why did he say anything to you?” Ian said quickly questioning her.
 
 
“No he didn’t have to say anything Ian. But think about it okay…Maybe he’s
scared, maybe he thinks that you’re feelings for him are really for Nick-And
before you say anything I know there not……but does my brother know there not?
Does he know your feelings are for him and not Nick? Plus Mickey is stubborn
and hard headed; sometimes he can think he’s making the right decision when
he’s not. He may or may not have said something to me about needing to protect
you from him….so Ian No….I don’t think Mickey knows how much you love him, and
it’s killing him inside! I know it is!” Mandy tells Ian.
 
 
Ian still didn’t say anything, so Mandy continues to speak. “He’s not happy. I
go over there and Colt’s there talking about the wedding and telling Mickey how
everything is going to happen and setting everything up. Mickey gives him this
fake smile and it’s like he’s trying to be someone he’s not……Ian my brother
isn’t happy and isn’t free; if anything he’s trapping himself and thinks that’s
the right thing to do because for some stupid reason he thinks he owe it to
Colt. And he thinks he owe it to you to let you go and be happy.” Mandy tells
Ian.
 
 
Ian stood still for a moment, thinking over everything. “I don’t know Mands……if
he can’t admit the truth to himself, then he can’t to me……and if he thinks he
owes Colt something and feels that; then that’s his choice. And his choice was
obligation over love……and well I don’t know what to do with that.” Ian said to
her and he looks down at his hand to notice he’s wearing his wedding band. He
took it off his chain today and put it on. “I’m just tired of fighting a losing
battle.” Ian finally says to her as he continues on handling some paper work to
give to Debbie.
 
 
Mandy didn’t say anything more to Ian. Instead, she just stood there looking at
Ian handle his paper work and move around her, as he was picking things up and
putting them away. For the rest of the night they both didn’t speak about
anything that was about him leaving or Mickey and Colt. It was better not to
speak about it anyways.
 
                            ***********************
 
Mickey had decided that he needed to go over to Ians house and talk to him……In
all honesty he really did missed him. They were supposed to be friends and he
just missed him, and he wanted to apologies for what Colt did a week ago. Right
now, Mickey was supposed to meeting his fiancé for a few things for the wedding
and to help make sure things were ready for the reception party that was
happening in two days, but right now……Right now that didn’t matter to Mickey;
because for some reason he really wanted to see Ian to make things right
between them. Ian has to not hate Mickey, and Mickey has to try and make
amends. He has to try.
 
 
Mickey pulls up to Ian’s house; he walks up to the door and is hesitant to
knock on the door. But right now he doesn’t know what to do? Should he knock,
should he not knock? Mickey huffed. “Fuck it.” Mickey said to himself and
knocks on Ian’s door.
 
 
There was no answer at first, so Mickey knocks harder and still nothing. He can
hear someone in the house because there was a noise coming from inside. But
nothing-no one was coming to the door. Mickey then takes a chance and took his
keys out. They were Nicks, when he lived here, and he never gave them back when
he was fully integrated. Mickey then takes the keys from his key chain and
unlocks the front door.
 
 
Mickey walks in the front door and it had been so long since he been here to
really appreciated it all. So many memories came back to him; like Nick running
around the house away from Ian, or that time when Ian tried to get Nick to eat
healthy and Nick flung his food at Ian laughing. Or the time when they got
caught having sex by Debbie on the sofa, then the stair case, then the table in
the kitchen. Mickey laughed to himself when Debbie had threatened them both.
There was this one memory Mickey loved a lot. The time when Nick just wanted to
stay home and watch movies with Ian all day and be couch potatoes.
 
 
Mickey walks further into the sala and is thinking of what to tell Ian and
remembering so much. He felt so safe and happy, but then his thoughts are taken
away from him when Ian steps in his view of sight. And for a moment, both men
just look at each other and say nothing. That is until-
 
 
 “What are you doing here?” Ian asked Mickey looking at him confusingly
 
 
Mickey was nervous to see Ian. Nervous at how he will act towards him, but he
wanted to talk to him and gain some common ground with him. “I um…I wanted to
come over and see how you were.” Mickey says to Ian.
 
 
“I’m fine Mickey…what do you want?” Ian says coldly to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey unintentionally flinches at Ian’s tone of voice. He’s never heard him
speak to him like that before. “I……I just-Look Ian I’m sorry for what Colt did
okay? That was uncalled for and I want you know that I didn’t want him to do
that. In fact I didn’t even ask him to do that.” Mickey tells Ian.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey a shrugs his shoulders as if he doesn’t care anymore.
Something Mickey didn’t miss and noticed. “Okay……so is that all, because if it
is you can go now.” Ian said to Mickey, not giving him a care in the world.
 
 
Mickey’s slightly hurt by the way Ian is acting, but he feels he deserves it,
but he still wants to make amends with Ian and be friends. He has to have Ian
in his life; it just felt wrong without him being there. “Ian…please just talk
to me okay. I’m sorry for hurting you, and I don’t want you to be mad at me
anymore!” Mickey says to Ian sadly. When Ian didn’t say anything Mickey, Mickey
decided to speak again. “Ian…Please, I’m sorry.”
 
 
“It doesn’t matter anymore Mick…I’m leaving soon anyway. Like I said I’m gone
leaving Chicago.” Ian tells Mickey
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian with wide eyes and shakes his head. “Ian…Ian don’t fucking
do this man. I’m sorry okay we can figure this out somehow and be friends.” Ian
still didn’t say anything to Mickey, so Mickey continued to talk. “I’m
sorry…don’t leave because of this. Please.” Mickey says to him pleading.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey coldly. “I’m sorry too Mick” he says coldly to Mickey. “I
don’t even know why you’re here right now. I just don’t know how to do this
anymore Mickey.” Ian expresses out loud and turns away from Mickey.
 
 
Mickey turns Ian around and speaks to him angrily. “And you think I do? But I
can’t stand the thought of not seeing you, or not reading your stupid fucking
text message or even talking to you. You know how hard it’s been t not see your
random text message or not even hang out?! Please just don’t go…. Just don’t
leave!” Mickey said pleading to Ian
 
                   
“I can’t… I just can’t and the only way I know to get over you and not think of
you every single fucking moment of everyday is to leave Mickey. To have nothing
to do with you! The only reason why I’m still here right now is because I’m
waiting for Debbie to give me answer on if she’s gonna go with me or not. She
made me promise her not to leave her here. So I will be here for maybe two
week, but then I’m gone and we leave…and then maybe only then would I be able
to stop myself from going insane that I can’t have you!” Ian shouted out to
Mickey.
 
 
“I (Mickey huffed) If I could change this Ian I would!” Mickey said to him
 
 
“But you’re not! For Christ sacks Mickey you can change this, you could but
you’re not! But you Mickey you chose not to okay. You sure as hell didn’t
choose me. So I have to wait here because I have no fucking choice okay! If it
wasn’t for Debbie right now I would gone.” Ian tells Mickey
 
 
“You know I can’t do that, I can’t do this right now okay…I’m trying to figure
out what to do so I don’t hurt anyone!” Mickey said to him
 
 
“Yeah well can’t help you there.” Ian said sarcastically and then looks at
Mickey while shaking his head “I can’t do this Mick.” Ian said defeated
 
 
“It’s just…it seems final and I just… It’s real and I don’t-” Mickey started to
say but Ian cuts him off.
 
 
“I told you to make a choice!” Ian said firmly giving Mickey a hard look.
 
 
“I know I know you did.” Mickey said weakly
 
 
“So unless you changed your mind?” Ian asked waiting for mickey to answer
 
 
“I……It wouldn’t be fair to just change my mind okay?” Mickey then said to Ian,
which seemed to not be the best answer.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey like he is crazy. His emotions are everywhere at this
point. “F-Fair FAIR! Mickey HOW THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS IS FAIR! YOU’RE ASKING
ME TO STAY AND DO WHAT MICKEY! HUH! EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK IS FAIR TO YOU!” Ian
yells out at Mickey.
 
 
Mickey yells back at Ian in response. “NOTHING! NONE OF-this is fair Ian! You
don’t fucking think I know that! That I don’t know; No matter who I fucking
chose or what I do somebodies going to get hurt and no matter what I do!”
 
 
“So-what it’s easier for you to hurt me-“ Ian shouts back at Mickey as Mickey
is talking.
 
 
“Easier!? Easier Ian!? Are you fucking kidding me!?” Mickey shouts back at Ian
now.
 
 
“Why are you even here Mickey huh? What do you want from me?” Ian said coldly
to Mickey.
 
 
And Mickey hates how Ian is speaking to him; like he was nothing to him
anymore. “I wanted to apologize for what Colt did, he had no right……but I also
wanted to tell you not to leave Ian….please I don’t have no one else. And I……I-
I didn’t want-” Mickey tries to say but looks away for a moment and then looks
back at Ian. He’s not able to get out what he wants to say to Ian.
 
 
Ian was already hurting and now being here with Mickey was making him just
frustrated with everything all over again. If Mickey wanted to say something
then he should just say it. What the fuck was he waiting for? No, No instead
Ian was going to ask him exactly what was on his mind, maybe then Mickey would
get a clear view of how much he’s hurting Ian just by being here. “What is it
Mickey? Huh, do you like hurting me! Do you fucking enjoy see me hurt or what?
Do you like that you have some fucking fucked up hold on me! That you can just
fucking pull me in and play with my emotions like it’s nothing and hurt me!?”
Ian asked coldly to Mickey fighting back his own tears and becoming more angry
at Mickey.
                                        
                                        
Mickey’s reaction to Ian’s words hurt him and it showed. Mickey shakes his
head. “No-no Ian I” Mickey said but didn’t get to finish because Ian cut him
off.
 
 
Ian didn’t let Mickey finish, he didn’t want to hold back anymore. So he cut
Mickey off mid-sentence. “Do you like seeing me love you and have you kick me
down like I’m fucking nothing……DO you like to see me hurt and pine over you
knowing damn well I can’t fucking have you because your with that prick! If you
don’t want me then LEAVE! LEAVE AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!...(Ian screams
out at Mickey) You know what Mick; Do you know how much it kills me to be next
to you, yet you’re here and I can’t have you… And all you’re doing right now is
fucking stabbing me more and more! You get to fucking watch just how the
fucking knife twist into me…Into my heart; It’s like a fucking bullet in my
heart and that pain….that shit is unbearable.” Ian says as his voice cracks at
the end.
 
 
The room goes silent for a moment and then Mickey speaks as he sheds a tear and
shaking his head at Ian. “You know why Ian”
 
 
 
 
And that response just gets Ian even more upset.“WHY HUH? ANSWER THE FUCKING
QUESTION MICKEY!” Ian shouted out at Mickey.
 
 
“Because I don’t want you to go and throw your life away because of me Ian; But
I don’t want lose! Either! I don’t want you to leave me!” Mickey said
 
 
“LOSE ME! Mickey WHAT LIFE DO I HAVE!” Ian said “If I stay here, I don’t have
you, and I’m just going to want you all the time; and knowing damn well that I
can’t fucking have you! (Ian takes a moment to breathe and calm down before he
speaks again) What kind of Life do I have here waiting for me!?” Ian tells
Mickey more than asking him.
 
 
“With re-enlisting Ian, you’re gonna leave and then what? …” Mickey asked him.
 
 
“Re-enlisting huh; well that’s a life (Ian said sarcastically) and guess what I
rather be out there in the field then be here with you!” Ian says with so much
venom in his voice towards Mickey.
 
 
As much as that last comment hurt Mickey, he ignores it and continues to talk
to Ian. “Well why would you go back; using me as an exhaust to leave; great
fucking job Ian” Mickey said angrily. “… You left the military and you have a
career here now okay. You’re a cop, what are you gonna do then when something
bad happens to you” Mickey asked Ian trying to make him stay.
 
 
Ian didn’t want answer the question; he didn’t want tell Mickey that at this
moment he didn’t care about himself or anything. Things just hurt too much to
feel. So avoiding the question, Ian changed the question on Mickey. “You know
why you’re really here… Guess what? Because I fucking do; you Mickey Alexis
Milkovich can’t stand the thought of living your life without me in it. You
wanna keep tabs on me, you wanna make sure if I’m seeing anyone and you wanna
see if I would still want you in case anything happens between you and your
little fuck boy……” Ian says coldly to Mickey. Ian’s face expression changes
when he speaks again and it becomes something Mickey had never seen before.
“Well GUESS WHAT MICK!? YOU LOST THAT RIGHT TO CARE ABOUT ME! TO EVEN THINK
ABOUT ME, OR TO EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING AN INTEREST IN ME THE DAY YOU CHOSE
COLT OVER ME!” Ian says screaming at Mickey while he gets in front of his face.
 
 
“Well I can’t stop caring about you!” Mickey shouted back at Ian, as his eyes
become water and his vision becomes blurry. He’s trying so hard not to cry in
front of Ian but what Ian says next to Mickey makes his tears come out.
 
 
“FUCK YOU! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE! DO IT SOME WHERE ELSE MICKEY! CARE ABOUT ME
SOMEWHERE ELSE…Colt might be able to love half of you but I’m CAN’T!  You have
to choose Mickey. You can’t fucking have Colt and Me! You can’t ask me to stay
and be fucking okay with you being married to him; and then to have me here
stuck looking at you two!” Ian shouted at Mickey
 
 
“That’s not what I’m doing here.” Mickey chocks out saying while having tears
come down his face.
 
 
Ian calms himself down a bit and steps back looking at Mickey. “Oh yeah then
what are you doing here? You want us to be friends?” Ian says and shrugs his
shoulders as he talks again. “How the fuck is that supposed to work Mickey, we
tried that and it failed horribly remember.”
 
 
Mickey tries to calm himself down as he speaks to Ian. “Well, we can at least
try something or some other way Ian.” Mickey said weakly to Ian.
 
 
Ian turns to look at Mickey as if he’s lost his mind yet again. “In what
fucking Universe Mickey can we try huh? You choose! You choose what you wanted!
Get that threw your fucking head okay, you choose Colt; and now that I’m making
a choice, and choosing not to be anywhere near you; you wanna what!? Fight me
on this? Are you fucking out of your mind?” Ian said firmly to Mickey.
 
 
That last comment hurt Mickey, but he tried not to let it show that it did;
however he failed miserably. “You can’t be serious.” Mickey said miserably to
Ian.
 
 
Ian wants to almost apologize to Mickey, but right now he can’t and won’t.
“Like hell I can’t! What!? You thought that you were gonna come in here and
waltz’s in and we would be fucking best friends?! Be fucking best pals or some
shit! I’m not happy OKAY!” Ian says to Mickey and begins to yell at him as he
continues on talking. “YOU CHOOSE TO STOP LOVING ME! YOU CHOOSE NOT TO LOVE ME,
AND YOU THINK YOU CAN FUCKIN-” Ian says midsentence but is cut off.
 
 
Mickey cuts Ian off and yells back at him. “Shut UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP OKAY. I
DIDN’T CHOOSE TO STOP LOVING YOU BECAUSE IM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU; YOU STUPID
FUCK! WHAT IF I CHOOSE YOU OKAY, FINE I CHOOSE YOU!” Mickey yells out at Ian
and his voice hitches up. “Do you think that Colt is going to be any-less hurt
Ian?!” Mickey says more than ask.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and tries to calm himself down for a few seconds before he
responds to Mickey. Ian sighs, turns around and walks further into his kitchen
and then turns to look at Mickey as he speaks to him a bit more calmly then
before. “I’m not gonna argue with you okay? I’m telling you finally what I
want, what you want! Mickey you choose obligation, duty over love ……over love!”
Ian says to Mickey who is remains quiet. Mickey looks over at Ian sadly and
puts his head down. SO Ian continues on speaking when Mickey doesn’t respond to
him. “Just admit it… Admit it before I leave; at least do that for me please.”
 
 
Mickey still didn’t speak, not one word; he just stands there looking hurt and
confused at Ian. So Ian continued on to speak, but his angry got the best of
him. “I WANNA SURVIVE!” Ian shouts out to Mickey. “I CANT EVEN LOOK AT YOU! I
CANT FUCKING TOUCH YOU, OR TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOUR WITH HIM!
HIM MICKEY! DON’T YOU GET IT! I LOST A PIECE OF MYSELF AND I’M AFRIAID OF
MYSELF AND WHAT I WOULD DO!” Ian yells out face red. “I’M AFRAID THAT I WILL
MAKE YOU SPLIT AND YOU’LL HATE ME FOR THAT!” Ian rants off to Mickey. Neither
one of them says anything; for a few moments the room remains silent…… Then Ian
finally speaks again. “Mick…I rather be dead right now, then hurt the way I do.
I rather just leave and let you be and let go.” Ian said lowly and was trying
hard not to break down and cry.
 
 
“So you’re doing this for me.” Mickey said sadly.
 
 
Ian shakes his head “NO! I’m doing this for ME…” Ian said firmly “I’m doing
this because I have to live some way without you.”
 
 
“Ian… No…okay listen-Ian just tell me what you want me to do…I’ll-I’ll-I’ll fix
it somehow someway just don’t leave don’t go and re-enlist please!” Mickey
pleads with him
 
 
Ian runs his hands through his hair and pulls on it in frustration. It just
felt like he was going in circle over and over again with Mickey and nothing
was letting up. Apparently Mickey wasn’t getting it clearly enough. So Ian
figured he might as well go big or go home. “I WANT YOU! DON’T YOU GET IT? I
WANT TO BE WITH YOU, I WANT TO WAKE UP NEXT TO YOU, I WANT TO TELL YOU EVERY
MORNING HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND SHOW YOU THAT I LOVE YOU! BUT…I…CAN’T…FUCKING-
HAVE-YOU!” Ian says and begins to pace around going from the kitchen to the
sala. He then goes up to the wall yells as he punched it. “I CANT TAKE IT
ANYMORE!” Ian says and punches the wall again for the second time with so much
more force than before. He then slides down against the wall and covers his
face with his hands.
 
 
Mickey notices Ian is bleeding from his knuckles and goes to him. “IAN shit!”
Mickey says as he walks towards Ian to kneel down right in front of him. “Ian”
Mickey says in a whisper.
 
 
“Please go Mickey……Just go please.” Ian says exhaustedly and tired.
 
 
“No” Mickey says and stays kneeling down in front of Ian as he tries to take
Ian’s hand to see the damage he’s done to himself. Ian moves his hand away from
Mickey, but mickey tries to grab his hand again taking it. “Please…Just-Can I
at least get you some ice for your hand Ian?” Mickey says sadly yet desperately
as well to Ian.
 
 
Ian shakes his head as he answer. “No…No-I can take care of myself!” Ian says
and removes his hands from Mickeys grasp quickly.
 
 
Mickey is hurt by the gesture but tries not to show it and tries to talk to Ian
again. “Please Ian…I know you don’t want things to be this way between me and
you.”
 
 
Ian now looks at Mickey and sees the tears in his eyes. “You left me no choice”
Ian says to Mickey “…and I made mine okay. I choose to be without you……so
please for the love of god, just go Mickey.” Ian says weakly to him and gets up
from where he was at and goes to the refrigerator to get some ice for his hand.
 
 
Mickey looks over at Ian sadly and gets up slowly from the floor. He braces
himself for a second; then he tries to talk. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry that I made
this so hard for you Ian. I want you to know that you won’t ever see me again.
And um…but if you change your mind or anything… I’ll be here okay.” Mickey
tells Ian as he lets the tears from his eyes fall down his face, as he stands
far away from Ian.
 
 
Ian doesn’t have to look at Mickey, to know that he’s crying; and it does hurts
him just as much, but he has to heal and leave. “Goodbye Mickey” Ian finally
says to Mickey, still not looking at him. Ian closing his eyes tight, trying
hard not to let the tears in his eyes fall down his face.
 
 
Mickey nods his head and walks over to the door. It’s like he’s on auto piolet;
he goes to open the door and heads out without saying a word. He walks down the
stairs of the house he use to live in and takes another look before he gets in
his car and leaves. To say he felt empty was an understatement, he felt lost
and alone and he just didn’t know how to deal with the empty feeling he was
feeling now.
 
 
The ride to his apartment hurt, it hurt so much to be leaving Ian hurt, and
Mickey knew he should go back and tell him he’s sorry and that he will be with
him. But everything is said and done. Ian made his choice and he doesn’t want
to be in Mickey’s life because he chooses to stay with Colt. So why does he
feel like his heart just got taken into the meat chopper… why choose obligation
over desire, over love Ian said. And know Mickey’s just more lost than he was
before.
 
                                ***************
 
It was almost a week to the day that everything happened with Ian and Mickey.
It was the day before the wedding. Today was the day that Mickey and Colt were
going to have their rehearsal dinner. Mandy tried to get Ian to go and stop
everything and profess his undying love for Mickey in front of everyone. She
even said “Come on; It will be like a fucking fairytale thing. Only except you
might get to beat the shit out of Colt, which I don’t even think anyone would
be upset about….not even his parents I think. Well maybe, not to sure about
that!” She told Ian. That made Ian laugh, but he didn’t want go. He couldn’t;
seeing Mickey with Colt the day before their stupid wedding and then being
around them acting all happy. No, it wouldn’t be right to ruin their day as
much as Ian wanted to just go take Mickey and run away with him. Mickey made
his choice. He wanted to be with Colt and not him. It is what it is. He
couldn’t stay any longer and that was going to hurt big time, but it needed to
be done.
 
 
At the moment right now, Debbie was talking to Ian. He’s trying his best to
listen to her, but he’s distracted by something. He talked to his commanding
officer today, and they wanted him to report to North Carolina by Wednesday to
start everything again and get the ball rolling with him reenlisting. Ian was
figuring he can drive there and take his time getting there. He was going to
have a new life; a life without Mickey. He hurt too much to think, but it was
what he needed to do. Ian hadn’t told Debbie that he decided to go back and re-
enlist. It was the best thing for him. He needed to do this he kept telling
himself, but his sister will end up hating him for a bit, but not long he
hopes. Besides it won’t be long just long enough for him to heal he hopes.
Ian’s planning on leaving tonight and leaving a letter for Debbie that he’s
written already. It’s best to go now and do it this way. Plus today’s Mickey’s
reception and tomorrow the wedding and he rather be on the road back to base
then here knowing he can’t have the one thing he loves.
 
 
“Ian did you hear me?” Debbie asked to him snapping him out of his thoughts
 
 
“What? No yeah. I’m just tired Debs. I’m sorry. You need me to drive you to
work or something?” Ian asked her.
 
 
“No! I have to go to the store so I’ll be back in like an hour okay. But when I
get back we’re talking about why you’re being so weird and shit okay?” She said
smiling at him “And we can pig out on ice cream and drink till the next day.”
Debbie finally said to Ian, trying and hoping to cheer him up. She knew today
was Mickey’s reception and she was invited but declined, because one she knew
it would be wrong and two she didn’t like Colt and was upset that Mickey was
choosing him over her brother. But she couldn’t get mad at him for it. It was
his choice and his alone. But her brother happiness; well that was her job to
make sure he would be okay.
 
 
Ian smiled at her “Okay Debs, I’ll be here alright?” Ian tells her, and before
she could leave to go to the store. Ian goes up to Debbie and hugs her tight
giving her a kiss on her forehead. She did the same to him and left without
thinking or knowing what her big brother was going to do next.
 
 
Once Debbie left, Ian got his bags and grabbed his keys.  Ian looks at the door
and turns around to go into the kitchen. He leaves the note on the counter for
Debbie with his banking information and things she will need while he is gone.
He looks around and knows that he can’t live here anymore. Everything here
screams Mickey, it screamed how much he loved him, and it reminded him of when
he felt alive again. Now he’s dead. Re-enlisting is the best thing Ian can do,
and Debbie will understand, she just has to. He refuses to be here anymore.
 
                               *****************
 
The reception hall was big; there were chairs and tables, decoration and
everything. Mickey stepped into the hall and saw everything. It wasn’t
something he wanted; he wanted something small and simple, but Colt planned
this not him. He was already on the edge since he got up that day.
 
 
First thing Mickey did for the day was go to work, to work on the car. Then he
went to therapy and it was interesting one to say the least. It ended with him
being prescribed with a different type of antidepressant, which he was
reluctant to take yet again, but Dr. Jimenez insisted. She had prescribed
Mickey a month ago and Mickey thought he was doing okay. But he really wasn’t;
so Dr. Jimenez changed the dosage on the medication and yet again he couldn’t
drink and that was a bummer. But what got him even more on the edge was when he
came home and Colt was there already waiting for him.
 
 
Mickey walks inside into his apartment and finds that Colt was there waiting
for him. He looked like he was getting Mickey’s clothes ready for tonight’s
rehearsal dinner. Mickey walked up to Colt and gives him a kiss just before
goes into his room. He then takes out his medication from the plastic bag and
holds in his hands. He looks at it for a long time; he knew he should take it.
After talking with Dr. Jimenez today, she was even more concern for his mental
health. Him being depressed and thinking what he was thinking wasn’t healthy.
Apparently that was common with individual who had dissociative identity
disorder. Mickey opened the bottle and took one pill as instructed and drank
water. He didn’t notice Colt was at his looking at him from the other side of
the room.
 
 
“What are you doing?” Colt asked
 
 
Mickey turns around to see Colt standing at his door way looking at him. “Oh
um” He said as he looks down at the pill bottle. “The doc gave me meds. She
said it will help me with my moods and with me being down and shit. Nothing
much really.” Mickey shrugs his shoulders as he tells Colt while putting his
pill bottle away.
 
 
Colt then walks over to Mickey and takes the pill bottle from the dresser and
examined it. “You don’t need this Mick? You’re not depressed.” Colt said
looking at Mickey “These pills are for depression Mickey, and you’re not
depressed.” Colt said again and walks over to his bed and lays the clothes he
wants Mickeys to wear out on the bed.
 
 
Mickey didn’t say anything; he just put the bottle away and turns to look at
Colt. “How would you know? You‘re not a fucking doctor.” Mickey says to Colt
with a hint of frustration behind his voice.
 
 
Colt looks up at him and sighs. “Look okay, you’re not depressed I know you.
Plus I don’t know why you keep going to that doctor if you’re fine now and
okay. I mean you’re integrated now right? So why keep going if you’re okay.”
Colt said to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey was about to say something but Colt beat him to it. “Look I don’t want
to argue about this okay? Today is our rehearsal and we should be happy. Plus
those pills are for like a crazy person who is depressed and you my love are
not!” Colt said and kissed Mickey on the mouth again. “I’m heading out I’ll see
you later on tonight okay?” Colt said and left like nothing.
 
 
Mickey was left just standing there in shock. He shakes his head as he hears
the front door close to his apartment. Mickey goes to sit on his bed and looks
at the clothes laid out for him. They weren’t his style, not his style anymore.
He gets up from his bed and goes into his closet. He looks around for a second
and sees what he wants to wear tonight. He takes out a pair of nice black jeans
with a nice black button up shirt and he found his black timberland boots.
That’s what he was going to wear tonight, fuck that grey and white suit shit.
That just didn’t work for him, he wanted to be comfortable.
 
                                   ********
 
So now here Mickey was at the place for the rehearsal dinner. He wore exactly
what he wanted to. His black jeans, black button up shirt, he spiked up his
hair and jell it, and he wore his earing again. Something about it felt right.
He was him, and for the first time……he loved it. He walked into the ballroom
and saw his brothers and sister standing around talking to one another. He goes
over to them and greets them with a small smile on his face. He then looks
around and spotted Colt, who also spotted him at the same time. Colt looked
upset, but Mickey just smiled at him and went over to him.
 
 
Mickey gives Colt a kiss. “What are you wearing?” Colt asked in a whisper “I
thought I put out the clothes you needed to wear for tonight?” He said again
lowly.
 
 
Mickey smiles at Colt. “You did…I hated it. Wasn’t comfortable in them, it
wasn’t me. So I picked my own shit out. That I can do on my own you know.”
Mickey said to Colt sarcastically while winking at him.
 
 
Colt looks at Mickey like he had two head, but calmed himself down and went
over to great the other guess at the party that were coming in. He was giving
Mickey a glare and indicating he was upset at him. Mickey just shrugged it off
and laughed. Why you ask? Why is he laughing? Well because it is funny, and
well, no one tells Mickey fucking Milkovich what to do let alone what to wear.
 
 
The rehearsal dinner was going good, people were coming in smiling laughing and
everyone seemed to love the set up. The Milkovich siblings were mingling,
however Mickey was more to himself. He didn’t know many of these people and he
really didn’t want to be here. All of a sudden Mickey’s phone goes off and it
was an alert. Mickey opens it, and saw the date and the picture on the alert in
his phone. He stood there in shock and dumb founded. How could he have
forgotten that this was the day…the day he and Ian first met……and the day he
and Ian decided to get marry.
 
2_1/2_years_ago
 
Mickey_walked_out_of_the_club_and_spotted_the_red_head_as_he_was_walking_away.
“Hey_you!”_he_yells_out_to_the_red_head.
 
 
The_redhead_stops_in_his_tracks_and_turns_around_looking_at_him._“What_you
want?”_He_asked_him._Ian_was_now_sitting_down_on_top_of_his_car_smoking_a
cigarette_outside._Nick_saw_him_and_decided_to_go_up_to_him_and_see_if_he_can
get_this_guy_in_bed.
 
Hmm_maybe_a_little_persuasion_can’t_hurt_right?_Nick_thought_to_himself._“Hey.
Nice_car,_what_is_it?_A_2014_Hyundai_Tucson,_four_cylinder_engine,_with_shock
absorbers,_recliner_rear_seats,_LED_accent_lighting_and_a_ah_telescoping
steering_wheel_with…_what_I_am_assuming_is_to_have_audio_control.”_Nick_said
smugly_looking_at_Ian_biting_his_lip
 
 
Before_Nick_knew_his_name,_he_saw_how_the_redhead_(as_he_called_him)_took_the
cigarette_out_of_his_mouth_and_threw_it_on_the_floor._The_red_head_then_looks
at_the_Nick_in_front_of_him..._“Your_names_Nick_right?_Short_for_Nikolai.”_The
red_head_asked_him
 
 
“Yeeeah_that’s_me_sexy.”_Nick_said,_flirting_with_Ian
 
 
The_redhead_looked_at_him_and_gave_him_an_unimpressive_look_“Okay?_So_can_I_do
something_for_you?”_Ian_asked_Nick_like_it_was_whatever_to_him.
 
 
Nick_paid_no_attention_to_Ian’s_sarcastic_rude_tone_of_voice._Because_right_now
all_he_wanted_to_do_was_to_get_the_redhead_in_bed_and_use_him_to_get_off.
“Yeah.”_Nick_said_walking_up_to_Ian_“I_was_kind_of_thinking_of_mutual benefit
arrangement.”


“Oh_is_that_right?_What_is_it_then?_What_kind_of_mutual_benefit_can_you_have
for_me?”_Ian_asked_Nick_while_looking_at_him_up_and_down.
 
 
“Buy_me_dinner.”_Nick_says_with_a_smile
 
 
The_redhead_looks_at_him_and_chuckles,_“Okay._Wait_a_minutes,_hold_up!_You_want
me_to_buy_you_dinner?”_The_redhead_said_while_pointing_at_Nick_like_he_was
crazy.
 
 
“That’s_right”_Nick_said._“Why?”_Nick_asked_tilting_his_head_to_the_side
looking_at_Ian_giving_him_a_smirk.
 
 
The_redhead_looks_at_Nick_and_tilts_his_head_to_the_side_and_squints_his_eyes
at_him_while_saying_“And_why_would_I_do_that?”
 
 
Nick_smiles_and_speaks_in_a_flirtatious_tone_of_voice_to_the_redhead_“Cause_I’m
cute_and_you’re_currently_single,_and_I_ah_really_like_this_car.”_Nick_says
touching_the_car_with_his_fingers_and_looking_at_the_redhead.
 
 
Ian_looks_at_Nick_and_raises_his_eye_brows_and_nods_his_head_slowly_as_he
talks._“Ahh_okay_well_that’s_not_much_of_a_reason_to_buy_you_dinner,_plus_it’s
like_what_3_am_it_would_be_consider_early_breakfast.”
 
 
“So_you_have_a_boyfriend_you’re_waiting_for_or_something? _Is_that_why_you
didn’t_talk_to_me_at_the_bar?_Is_that_what_this_whole_hard_act_is_about?”_Nick
said_to_Ian_then_crossed_his_arms_against_his_chest_“Come_on_what’d_you_say?
There’s_a_diner_a_couple_block_from_here.”_He_smiles_at_the_redhead_and_licking
his_lips._Flirting_was_Nick’s_thing_but_this_redhead_was_playing_hard_to_get,
which_excited_Nick_even_more.
 
 
“Ha!_Okay_well_I_say_No.”_the_redhead_proceeds_to_walk_off_then._Nick_was_taken
back_from_this,_but_he_decides_to_walk_behind_the_redhead_and_try_to_talk_to
him_again_anyways.
 
 
“What?_You_had_rough_day_at_work?_Okay._What_you_got_like_Boyfriend_problems?
No_boyfriend_maybe;_is_that_why_you’re_here_at_a_gay_strip_club?”_Nick_asked
him_in_a_curious_manner.
 
 
The_redhead_looks_at_Nick_shaking_his_head_but_smiling_at_him_in_amusement.
Nick_walks_behind_the_redhead_and_leans_over_so_he_can_see_him._The_redhead_is
smirking_at_him_and_is_just_looking_at_Nick_now. _“Do_I_look_like_a_person_you
think_you_can_seduce?_Is_that_why_you’re_talking_to_me”
 
 
“Oh_come_on,_anybody_who_looks_like_the_way_you_do,_wants_to_take_me._(Nick
pointed_to_himself)_a_hot_guy_like_me_out_for_breakfast_right?.”_Nick_asked/
said.
 
 
“Does_this_kind_of_thing_usually_work_on_all_the_guys_you_talk_to,_or_am_I_some
kind_of_ah…_I_don’t_know_test_drive?”_Ian_asked_Nick.
 
 
Nicks_looking_at_the_redhead_with_lust_and_determinations,_and_then_says._“I
always_get_what_I_want”_Smirking_at_the_redhead_who_then_turns_around_and_looks
at_Nick.
 
 
“Well_…_there’s_ah_always_a_first_time_for_everything_out_there_am_I_right.”
Ian_says_to_Nick
 
 
Nick_looks_at_the_redhead_and_wincing_his_eyes_at_him_with_his_mouth_slightly
open_as_he’s_shocked_and_annoyed_at_the_same_time._“Are_you’re_serious?...
You’re_turning_me_down_again._Are_you_like_fucking_blind_or_something,_I_mean
look_at_me.”_Nick_says_and_snorts_in_amusement.
 
 
The_redhead_steps_closer_to_Nick_and_leans_in_towards_him_and_speaks_in_his_ear
“Yeah.”
 
 
“What’s_wrong_with_you?”_Nick_says_annoyed_now.
 
 
“Maybe_you_should_pick_someone_up_who..._um_I_don’t_know_a_little_more_in_your
legal.”_The_red_head_said_to_Nick._Now_Ian_did_spot_Nick_that_night_and_wanted
him_just_as_bad._But_Ian_always_likes_to_play_around_and_fuck_with_a_persons’
head._It_amused_him._Ever_since_Adam,_Ian_didn’t_look_for_anything_serious.
Plus_the_more_he_found_out_that_if_he_treated_guys_like_shit_the_more_he_knew
they_didn’t_want_to_come_back_to_Ian_after_a_one_night_stand._But_Nick_looked
kind_of_hot_more_now_seeing_as_he_was_getting_pissed_off_with_Ian._Ian_always
did_like_rough_sex.
 
 
“What_the_fuck_is_that_supposed_to_mean?”_Nick_said_with_venom_in_his_voice
 
 
“Your_just_a_little_to_ridged_for_me.”_The_redhead_said_and_walks_past_Nick,
and_continues_to_walk._Nick_turns_around_and_shouts_at_the_redhead.
 
 
“Who_the_fuck_do_you_think_you_are?!”_The_redhead_turns_around_to_see_Nick
walking_towards_him,_speaking_to_him._“What_you_think_you_can_just_show_up_at
the_club_in_your_nice_fancy_car,_which_is_outdated_by_the_way,_and_your_nice
expensive_jacket,_which_by_the_way_looks_fake_as_fuck,_and_walk_away_and_judge
me!_In_what_fucking_universe_do_you_think_you_can_talk_to_me_that_way?”_Nick
said_to_the_redhead_as_he_was_even_more_pissed_off.
 
 
“Hmm_maybe_you_do_need_to_eat;_you’re_a_bit_grouchy_now_don’t_you_think?”_the
redhead_says_as_if_he’s_making_fun_of_Nick_now.
 
 
Nick_was_furious_now_and_annoyed_as_fuck._Who_the_fuck_does_this_guy_think_he
is?_No_fuck_that!_He’s_gonna_either_respect_Nick,_or_get_his_ass_kicked._“Fuck
you_buddy!_You_don’t_know_me_okay._Just_because_I_shake_my_ass_on_stage_for_a
few_bucks_to_make_a_living,_while_assholes_like_you_throw_your_money_away_at
guys_like_me,_because_you’re_not_able_to_be_you_in_society_you_fucking_piece_of
shit! _Or_is_it_because_you_think_you_have_money_you_can_look_down_at_the
thuggish_boy_from_south_side_because_you_think_you’re_better_than_me.”_Nick
spat_out_at_Ian
 
 
“You’re_hilarious!_Hysterical_actually.”_Ian_said_to_Nick._The_alcohol_he_was
drinking_early_was_getting_to_him_now


“No_I’m_not_asshole!_I’m_pissed_is_what_the_fuck_I_am.”_Nick_hissed_at_Ian
 
 
“No,_you_know_what?_You_can_go_to_the_diner_over_there,_with_the_money_you_made
this_evening,_which_I_am_assuming_you_made_well;_and_while_your_over_there_you
can_con_someone_else_into_giving_you_a_ride_or_have_them_pay_you_to_fuck_them.”
The_redhead_reeked_of_alcohol_more_than_Nick_had_smelt,_but_he_didn’t_care,_he
was_pissed._Yeah_so_what_if_Nick_did_whore_himself_out_sometimes_for_cash,_but
this_dumb_fuck_had_no_right_to_judge_him_for_what_he_did?_He_did_what_he_needed
to_do_to_survive,_that_was_always_him,_fight_or_be_killed.
 
 
The_next_thing_you_know,_Nick_punched_the_redhead_guy_in_his_face._The_redhead
was_on_the_floor_laid_out._Nick_walks_off_pissed_but_not_too_mad._See_while_he
was_talking_to_the_redhead_he_was_able_to_pick_his_pockets._“Well_he’s_got
couple_of_hundred_and_Ha_his_name._One_Ian_Gallagher_and_shit_he’s_an_officer.
A_military_officer……_Fuck_I_just_hit_an_officer?_Well_he's_a_Marine
officer....eh._Great_now_I’M_in_deep_shit._Then_again_Nick_you_really_can’t_get
arrested_because_you_can_say_it_was_self-defence…yeah_we’ll_go_with_that”_Nick
said_to_himself_and_throws_the_wallet_next_to_the_redhead_oh_well_Ian,_while
trying_to_find_where_Ian’s_car_was_at_so_he_can_take_off_in_it.
 
 
They_weren’t_near_Ian’s_car_anymore,_which_means_he_left_it_somewhere,_probably
near_the_club._So_Nick_ran_to_the_diner_to_get_himself_some_food_to_take_home.
He_started_to_get_a_headache_again,_but_pushed_it_away.
 
 
At_the_diner_he_sat_down_and_ordered_himself_a_stack_of_pancakes,_with_bacon,
sausage,_two_eggs,_a_vanilla_milkshake_and_with_some_strawberries_on_the_side.
What_he_didn’t_expect_was_said_redhead_(Ian)_to_come_up_from_behind_him.
 
 
“Well,_Well,_well.”_Ian_says_whiling_walking_in_and_sitting_at_the_booth_across
from_Nick._“You_didn’t_honestly_think_that_you_can_just_hit_me_and_I_wouldn’t
follow_you.”_Ian_said_to_Nick
 
 
“You_followed_me_all_the_where_here?”_Nick_said_sarcastically_to_Ian,_while
smiling_at_him_“..._I_tell_you_red…_that’s_kinda_creepy_even_for_me.”_Nick_says
while_laughing_at_Ian.
 
 
“Well_seeing_as_you_did_take_my_fucking_wallet_and_the_money_in_it;_why_the
fuck_did_you_through_my_wallet_near_me_and_not_even_take_my_car?_Then_you’re
here;_you_actually_fucking_came_here_to_eat?_Seriously_what_the_fuck_is_wrong
with_you?”_Ian_said_with_no_venom_in_his_voice_but_slightly_annoyed_that_he_got
hit_by_this_hot_guy_he_knows_nothing_about.
 
 
Nick_looks_at_Ian_innocently_and_shrugs_his_shoulders_when_he_starts_talking.
“Well_I_was_hungry_I_told_you_that._Buy_me_food,_but_you_decided_to_be_a
fucking_prick_and_you_deserved_that_hit_if_not_more._You’re_just_lucky_I’m
hungry_and_need_to_eat.”_Nick_said_to_Ian_while_eating_his_food.
 
 
Ian_looked_at_him_like_he_was_crazy,_but_then_laughs._He_looks_down_at_the_food
that’s_on_the_table_and_his_eye_brows_went_up_in_amazement_at_how_much_food_was
on_the_table._And_it_was_only_for_Nick_apparently!_“So_you_really_are_going_to
eat_all_of_this_by_yourself?”_Ian_thank_asked_Nick_shockingly.
 
 
Nick_nodded_his_head_yes_and_said._“Yeah_why?_You_want_some?_I_can_get_the
waitress_here._The_food_here_is_good_and_I_like_coming_here_after_work.”_Nick
said_as_if_it_was_nothing_new_to_Ian.
 
 
Ian_smiled_at_Nicks_answer._“You_do_realize_you_stole_my_money;_hit_me_in_the
face_and_now_you’re_offering_to_get_me_food_with_my_money_that_will_be_paying
for_this_none_the_less_right.” _Ian_said_to_Nick_in_amusement.
 
 
Nick_nodded_his_head_and_smiled_at_Ian_again_as_if_it_was_nothing_before
answering_Ian._He_was_so_casual_with_Ian_that_it_amazed_Ian_and_even_him_if_he
was_being_honest._“Yeah_so?”_Nick_said_as_he_looks_down_at_his_food_and_eats.
He_then_looks_up_at_him_and_smiles_at_him._“Ian_is_it?”_He_asked_and_Ian_nodded
his_head_at_Nick._“_See_I_like_that_how_you_play_hard_to_get._See_this_whole
game_you_have_I_like_it._I_told_you_I_always_get_what_I_want._And_you_being
here_right_now_is_what_I_want._Now_the_whole_kicking_your_ass_thing_I_will_do
and_I_don’t_feel_bad_for_punching_you_for_making_me_feel_like_I’m_shit._Like,_I
was_nothing_but_a_piece_of_shit.” _Nick_said_to_Ian_not_taking_his_eyes_off_of
him._“See_shit_like_that_get_your_pretty_face_into_trouble_Red.”
 
 
Ian_was_silent;_he_kind_of_felt_bad_for_making_someone_who_was_trying_to_flirt
with_him_feel_like_shit._All_he_wanted_to_do_was_get_drunk_and_forget_about_his
problems,_instead_he_made_someone_else_feel_worse_than_him_and_at_that_got_a
busted_lip_to_show_for_it._But_in_all_fairness_he_didn’t_know_this_guy,_for_all
he_knew_he_could_be_some_serial_killer_or_con_artist._Then_again_he_was
attractive._Nikolai_or_Nick_had_beautiful_pierce_blue_eyes;_he_wore_eye_liner
which_made_his_eyes_pop_out_even_more._He_has_dark_jet_black_hair_that_was
spiked_up,_he_was_well_built_from_what_Ian_saw_on_the_dance_floor._And_he_had_a
nice_ass_that_made_you_want_to_grab_it_every_chance_you_got._His_lips_were
well,_they_were_glorious_and_full,_and_his_skin_was_pale_and_beautiful._So_okay
the_guy_was_hot,_that_didn’t_mean_Ian_had_to_be_a_dick_and_say_that_fuck_up
shit_to_him._He_wasn’t_angry_at_the_guy_not_really;_he_was_angry_at_himself_and
decided_to_take_out_on_Nick._So_yeah_he_did_deserve_to_get_punched_in_the_face.
That_he_will_admit.
 
 
“Look_I_don’t_always_do_this,_but_I’m_sorry._Okay_sorry_for_saying_what_I_said
to_you._It_was_wrong_and_I_was_drunk._I_didn’t_mean_to_say_it_to_or_at_you
okay…_So_where_good,_me_and_you_I_mean…_I_mean_you’re_eating_food_now_and_you
got_me_here_with_you.”_Ian_said_to_Nick_as_a_matter_of_fact.
 
 
“Yeah_whatever._So_what’s_got_the_stick_up_your_ass_that_you_had_to_be_a
complete_asshole_to_me?_I_mean_come_on,_are_you_saying_that_you’re_not_at_the
least_bit_attracted_to_me?”_Nick_said_to_Ian_and_looks_at_him_with_a_smile_on
his_face.
 
 
Ian_smiles_back_and_nods_his_head._“Yeah,_I_mean_I_guess_you’re_kinda_hot_you
know.”_He_smiles_and_steals_Nick’s_bacon_from_his_plate_and_eats_while_looking
Nick_straight_in_his_eyes.
 
 
Nick_smiles_at_Ian,_and_motions_the_waitress_to_bring_them_coffee._The_waitress
brings_them_both_a_cup_of_coffee._Ian_drinks_his_coffee_and_Nick_just_stares_at
him_with_amusement._Then_he_speaks_to_him._“So_you_think_I’m_some_kind_of_guy
who_whores_himself_out_to_hot_guys_every_night?”_Nick_asked_Ian
 
 
“I_don’t_know_are_you?”_Ian_asked_Nick_back.
 
 
And_for_some_reason_Nick_wanted_to_be_honest_to_Ian_and_he_didn’t_know_why.
“Not_every_night,_no._I_mean_if_we’re_being_honest_some_nights_I_go_home_with
different_guys,_some_nights_I_go_home_by_myself_alone._And_if_those_guys_I_do
so_happen_to_go_home_with_pays_me_for_services,_then_who_am_I_do_refuse_money
from_them…_but_then_again_who_are_you_to_judge_me_and_not_know_me._For_all_you
know_I_can_have_another_job_during_the_day_and_this_is_just_fun_for_me._For_all
you_know_I_could_be_doing_what_I_do_for_my_own_reasons,_or_I_can_be_doing_it
just_for_fun._You_don’t_get_to_judge_me_and_not_know_me.”_Nick_said_to_Ian
 
 
“Well_is_it…_is_it_fun_for_you,_or_do_you_even_have_another_job?_I_mean_do_you
have_other_reason,_important_ones?”_Ian_asked_Nick 
 
 
“Among_others_things,_maaaaybe?_Why_you_want_know?”_Nick_asked_flirting_with
Ian_again_and_this_time_he’s_having_more_fun_with_it,_as_he’s_been_playing
footsies_under_the_table_the_whole_time_with_Ian_as_they’ve_been_talking.
 
 
“Because_I_want_know_more_about_the_guy_who_I’m_buying_breakfast_for?_And
because_that_same_said_guy_said_and_I_quote_‘gets_whatever_he_wants’_being_that
you_want_me.”_Ian_said_smiling_at_Nick._Ian_can’t_take_his_eyes_off_of_Nick
now._For_some_reasons_he’s_drawn_to_this_man_and_he_has_no_clue_as_to_why.
 
 
Nick_smiles_at_Ian._“Well_I_do_actually,_but_I_keep_my_work_life_and_personally
life_separate...”_Nick_leans_his_head_back_and_looks_up_and_the_across_the
dinner_as_if_trying_to_find_the_next_words,_then_speaks._“See_those_two_things
can_get_a_bit…hmm_well_complicated._I_like_to_keep_them_separate_for_now.”
 
 
Ian_smiled_at_Nick_“Okay,_so_Nick_what_do_you_want_from_me?_I’m_no_body_special
just_an_average_guys”_Ian_says_to_Nick,_smiling_at_him_and_biting_his_lower_lip
 
 
“Oh_your_anything_but_average_I-AN.”_He_laughs_and_decides_to_put_his_foot_near
Ian’s_crotch_area._“See_that_I_can_tell_you_much_that_you’re_nowhere_near
average._SO_what’s_your_story?”_Nick_asked_flirting_with_Ian_and_rubbing_up
against_Ian_with_his_foot.
 
 
“What’d_you_mean_what’s_my_story?”_Ian_asked_Nick_while_trying_not_to_moan
because_of_what_Nick_was_doing_with_his_foot.
 
 
“Well-being_that_you_took_one_hell_of_a_hit_and_I_do_hit_fucking_hard;_you’ve
also_got_dog_tags_around_your_neck._Plus_whenever_someone_comes_through_the
doors,_you_mental_count_how_many_people_are_in_the_diner_to_see_how_many_are
still_here_or_are_here._You’ve_been_looking_around_the_diner_as_if_maybe_you’re
paranoid_or_just_precautious._And_whenever_you_drink_your_coffee,_you_scan_the
room,_which_I_can_only_assume_makes_you_feel_somewhat_safe_as_to_know_where_you
are_at_and_who_is_in_here_with_you...”_Nick_said_while_sipping_on_his_coffee
and_continues_talking._“Plus_when_you_thought_I_wasn’t_paying_attention_I_saw
you_checking_to_see_if_you_can_find_anything_on_me_on_your_phone.”_Nick_says
while_looking_at_Ian_dead_in_his_eye,_but_smiling_at_him.
 
 
“How_did_you?”_Ian_begins_to_ask_him,_but_Nick_cuts_him_off.
 
 
“I’m_very_observant;_it’s_kind_of_bad_thing_and_good_thing._I_told_you,_I’m
south_side._Always_very_attentive_and_alert_myself.”_Nick_said_looking_Ian.
“So?_You_got_a_story_or_not_Red;_because_even_at_the_club_you_like_you_wanted
to_get_away_from_something,_or_someone._You_looked_kind_of_sad,_like_something
was_bothering_you.”_Nick_said_to_Ian
 
 
Ian_was_silent_for_a_moment._He_turns_to_look_out_at_the_window_and_response_to
Nicks._“Kinda_yeah._But_I_don’t_want_to_talk_about_it”_Ian_said_and_looks_back
at_Nick,_who’s_looking_at_Ian_as_well.
 
 
Nick_nodded_his_head_and_simply_said_“okay.”_He_didn’t_ask_for_the_check_he
simply_left_a_50_dollar_bill_on_the_table_for_the_waitress._He_got_up_and_stuck
his_hand_out_to_Ian._Ian_looked_at_him_confused. “What?_I’m_not_gonna_bite,_you
want_to_forget_your_problems_right?_Come_with_me.”_Before_Ian_could_respond
Nick_motion_to_the_waitress_that_he_was_leaving.
 
 
The_waitress_came_over_and_smiled_at_Nick_and_said._“You_sure_you_don’t_want
your_change_Nick?_You_always_leave_me_a_big_tip,_not_that_I’m_complaining_but
you_sure?”_she_said_smiling_at_Nick.
 
 
Nick_laughs_while_walking_up_to_her_and_places_his_hand_on_her_cheek._He_give
her_a_gentle_kiss_on_the_cheek_and_says._“Of_course_I’m_sure,_why_do_you_always
ask_me_the_same_thing_over_and_over_again.”_He_said_and_winked_at_her._Nick
then_turns_back_to_Ian._“Hey!?_You_coming_with_me?”_Ian_looked_at_Nick_again
and_then_took_his_hand._As_they_walked_out_the_door_the_waitress_winked_at_him
and_smiled_at_Ian._Who_the_fuck_was_this_Nick_guy_and_why_did_he_want_Ian_of
all_people._That_was_a_question_Ian_couldn’t_understand.
 
 
“My_cars_right_here,_it_was_a_black_2007_Honda_nothing_special,_but_she’s
beautiful.” _Nick_said_and_opens_the_car_door_motioning_for_Ian_to_get_in._And
so_Ian_did_get_in_and_they_were_off._The_drive_was_quiet,_but_Ian_was_shocked
when_Nick_pulled_up_at_the_Four_season_Hotel._Nick_looks_at_Ian_and_motions_for
him_to_follow_him_in_to_the_hotel._Nick_goes_to_the_front_desk_by_himself_for_a
moment;_he_then_comes_back_with_a_room_key_and_grabs_Ian_by_the_hand._They_both
go_to_the_elevator,_to_the_last_floor._When_they_arrive_at_their_floor,_they
walk_out_into_the_room_they_are_staying_in_at_apparently_and_Ian_was_shocked.
 
 
Walking_in_threw_the_doors,_you_first_see_the_living_room_entrance,_and_it_was
huge._There_was_a_large_silver_grey_sofa_with_a_glass_coffee_table_in_the
middle_of_the_room;_behind_the_sofa_was_a_huge_window_where_you_can_see_outside
the_Chicago_night._All_the_buildings,_the_lights,_it_looked_amazing._To_the
right_of_you_was_a_huge_TV._Further_in_to_your_right_was_a_bathroom._Glass
doors,_a_big_tub_by_Ian’s_standards,_it_was_amazing._Then_there_was_the_bed
room._A_King_size_bed,_with_a_view_that_looked_even_more_amazing_then_the_first
room._There_was_two_dressers_on_each_side_of_the_bed_with_lamps_on_them._A_TV
towards_the_left_of_the_room,_and_the_curtains_were_open_as_if_the_view_of
Chicago_was_exposed_to_them._Nick_was_smiling_at_Ian_and_Ian_couldn’t_help_but
smile_back.
 
 
“So_is_this_your_way_of_making_me_forget?”_Ian_asked_Nick
 
 
Nick_shrugged_and_looked_at_Ian_shyly._He_didn’t_know_why_he_was_nervous_being
around_Ian._He_was_just_supposed_to_be_a_hook_up._Nothing_more_right?_“Maybe?
Do_you_want_to_forget_whatever_the_fuck_is_bothering_you?”_Nick_asked_Ian_as_he
was_now_walking_up_to_him_and_grabbing_his_hand.
 
 
“Yeah”_Ian_said_in_a_sad_voice,_and_Nick_picked_up_on_it._“Why_me?”_Ian_asked
Nick_all_of_sudden._“There’s_other_guys_you_can_hook_up_with_out_there._Ones
that_you_can_give_them_this_kind_of_view…_So_why_me?”_Ian_said_to_Nick_but_also
asking_him._He_was_wondering_where_this_was_going,_if_it_was_going_anywhere_or
was_it_stopping_here_for_one_night.
 
 
Nick_looks_at_Ian_with_a_small_smile,_then_grinned_at_him._“Honestly…_I_don’t
know;_there’s_just_something_about_you?_A_hot_ex-military_guy_walks_in_my_club
and_refuses_me?”_Nick_sighs_but_smiles._“I_don’t_know….it_just_made_me_want_you
more_I_guess.”_Nick_said_truthfully
 
 
“Can_you_even_afford_this?”_Ian_asked_looking_around_the_room_and_not_at_Nick
now.
 
 
Nick_smiled_and_shook_his_head._“Now_that_my_hot_sexy_friend,_is_none_of_your
fucking_business,_what_I_can_and_cannot_afford.”_Nick_walks_over_to_Ian_and
grabs_him_by_his_shirt_and_kisses_him_in_a_desperate_manner._He_grabs_him_by
his_waist_while_kissing_him_and_the_kiss_turns_into_something_frantic._Ian_is
kissing_him_and_brings_him_closer._Whatever_the_fuck_he_wanted_to_forget,_he’s
doing_it_now,_and_all_he_wants_is_Nick’s_lips_on_his._Ian_goes_for_Nick_shirt
and_lifts_it_off_him._Nick_goes_for_Ian’s_shirt,_but_Ian_stops_him._He_breaks
the_kiss_and_looks_at_Nick. _“It’s_okay.”_Nick_tells_Ian;_he_slowly_takes_Ian’s
shirt_off_and_then_looks_at_Ian_chest_with_his_dog_tag._Scars_and_past_wounds
he_sees_on_the_man_chest._Nick_had_those_same_scars_to,_but_his_were_from_a
different_kind_of_battle. _Ian_looks_self-conscious,_but_Nick_simply_kisses_him
and_brings_him_down_to_the_bed_running_his_hands_on_Ian_chest._Kissing_the
scars_on_his_shoulder,_the_scars_on_his_chest,_the_scars_on_his_arm,_and_then
goes_to_suck_on_Ian’s_neck._Ian_is_moaning_and_grabs_Nick_ass_to_make_him
grinned_on_him.
 
 
 
Nick_moves_to_kiss_Ian_harder_and_rougher_and_this_time_he_gets_up_removes_his
pants_and_then_goes_for_Ian._He_unbuckles_his_pant_and_removes_them_in_record
time._Simply_admiring_the_other_man_under_him._He_kisses_him_down_his_chest_and
towards_his_thighs_then_he_slowly_licks_and_sucks_near_his_hip_while_stroking
Ian._Ian_is_lost_in_Nick_touch._He’s_moaning_and_loving_every_moment_and_ever
touch_Nick_is_giving_him._Nick_then_took_Ian_into_his_mouth_and_the_rest_was
history.
 
That was the first night Nick and Ian slept together, rather the first time
Mickey and Ian slept together.
 
Present_day
Getting that flash back and so much more emotional then he thought. Remembering
a time when he and Ian were together was making Mickey emotional, and he could
feel his heart hurting as his chest became tight. Then that one song came on
that the DJ was playing. Everything just hit him at once. The song that was
playing was one he heard before and couldn’t help but feel there was a reason
he was hearing.
Well it’s good to hear your voice
I hope you’re doing fine
And if you ever wonder
I’m lonely here tonight
I’m lost here in this moment and time keeps slipping by
And if I could have just one wish I’d have you by my side
 
Mickey was speaking to himself now trying hard to figure shit out and not freak
the fuck out like he was right now. “I’m gonna marry the man of my dreams
right? I’m gonna marry the man who’s been with me through it all…… Right? He’s
been there, here, he loves me; and I think he loves me, I think I love
him…No…fuck! …I don’t know……I don’t feel it……Oh god what the fuck am I doing?”
Mickey says to himself.
 
Ooh oh, I miss you
Ooh oh, I need you
I love you more than I did before and if today I don’t see your face
Nothing’s changed no one can take your place
It gets harder, everyday
 
 
Mickey’s is thinking of that night with Ian. When he knew, and I mean finally
knew that Ian loved him for him, and not just a part of him, but all of him.
 
“Ian?”_Nick_said
 
“hmm?_Yeah_babe?”_Ian_said_tiredly,_he_was_exhausted._Nick_didn’t_want_to
disturb_him,_but_he_really_did_want_to_talk.
 
 
“If_I_ever_left….would_you_still_love?”_Nick_asked_Ian
 
 
Ian_sat_up_on_the_bed_and_looked_up_at_Nick_with_a_concern_face_“What’d_you
mean?”_Ian_asked_him
 
 
“If_for_some_reason_I_end_up_being_gone….Ian_would_you_still_love_me?_Even_if_I
wasn’t_me;_even_if_Mickey_came_back….would_love_us?”_Nick_asked_Ian
 
 
Ian_looked_up_at_Nick_and_smiled_“I_would_love_you_even_if_you_were_a_girl.”
Ian_said_laughing_“But_yes…I_would_love_you_no_matter_what_or_who_you_are.”_Ian
said_and_kissed_Nick_tenderly._They_stop_kissing_and_Ian_leans_forward_and_puts
their_forehead_together._And_for_a_moment_they_just_look_at_each_other.
 
 
Nick_pulls_away,_looks_up_at_Ian._“Marry_me?_Ian_will_you_marry_me?”_Nick_asked
Ian_and_his_eyes_were_glassy_“Be_with_me_forever…stay_with_me_forever._Like_in
peter_pan_and_Neverland.”_Nick_said_while_chuckled._But_you_could_tell_he_was
emotional._Something_Ian_rarely_ever_saw.
 
 
Ian_face_was_in_shock._Nick_was_nervous_you_can_tell_he_was,_he_was_biting_his
lip_and_playing_with_his_nails._“You_want_be_with_me_forever_like_peter_in
Neverland?”_Ian_asked_with_a_smile.
 
 
Nick_smiled_back_“Yeah_dick_head.”_Nick_said_and_starting_laughing_in_relief.
 
 
“Yeah_okay….yeah_I’ll_marry_your_crazy_ass.”_Ian_said_playfully_and_Nick
punched_him_in_the_arm_and_kissed_him.
 
Say you love me more than you did before
And if today I don’t see your face
Nothing’s changed no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday
Say you love me more than you did before
And I’m sorry that it’s this way
But I’m coming home, I’ll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay
Always stay
I never wanna lose you
And if I had to I would choose you
So stay, please always stay
You’re the one that I hold onto
 
 
Cause my heart would stop without you
 
 
Mickey stops in his tracks as his mind is racing. ‘I’m supposed to feel it
right……Fuck! This isn’t right. I don’t love him. I don’t love Colt! ….I Love….’
Mickey was brought out of his internal thoughts as he hears someone call his
name. It was Colt’s parents and they were waving at him. Colt was looking at
him now as well. “I can’t do this.” Mickey says to himself and walks out of the
reception area into the hallway, away from where the rehearsal party was at. He
can’t do this! He has to call Ian. He has to call this all off with Colt! And
NOW! Mickey gets his phone out and tries to call Ian, but Ian’s not answer him.
“Fuck!” Mickey starts to Panic; Ian couldn’t have left yet right? No not yet,
not without Mickey telling him he loves him and wants to be with him. Not
without Mickey apologizing and trying hard to make up for it all.
 
 
Mandy, Iggy, Collin, and Leah saw as Mickey walked outside of the rehearsal
place. They could see how he seemed to be calling someone and freaking out. The
all went to him, but Mandy was the first one running up to him. She sees he’s
freaking out and near the brink of tears. “Mickey! What wrong Mick?” Mandy
asked her brother frantically.
 
 
Mickey looks at her, and Mandy’s heart breaks. It had been a long time since
she seen her brother emotionally upset. He looked like a little boy lost and
scared. “I can’t do this! I can’t pretend! I can’t marry someone I don’t love!
…I can’t be here right!” Mickey said franticly “I need to find Ian Mandy! I
have to go him NOW!”
 
 
“Then go…go Mickey, just go! Here take the car and go. Where ever you need to
go, just go, and figure your shit out. We’ll tell Colt you had to leave, and
don’t worry about it okay.” Collin said taking charge. Protecting his brother
and making sure he was okay was his priority now more than ever. If Mickey
needed to go then no one here was going to stop him. Mickey takes Collins’ car
keys and hugs his brother quickly before running to his car. He jumped in and
drove off in a heartbeat leaving his brothers and sisters standing there
wondering what to do next.
 
                                     *****
 
Mickey was driving like a manic; he had to get to Ian and find him. It started
to rain all of a sudden. Just want the fuck he needed; rain with him driving
over 90, which is something no one should do! When he got to the Gallagher
house it was empty. He opened the door; it was unlock? He could have sworn Ian
kept it closed and locked after becoming a cop.  When walks more into the
Gallagher house he gets stopped by his freckles.
 
 
“Hey Mick.” Debbie said sadly and Mickey could see she’s been crying.
 
 
“Hey……hey what’s wrong why are you crying? Where’s Ian? I need to speak to him,
but I want to make sure you okay.” Mickey asked her.
 
 
Debbie smiled sadly and shrugged her shoulders. “He left this for me.” Debbie
said and showed it to Mickey. It was. A letter. A letter addressed to Debbie.
 
 
Mickey took the letter and read it……It was letter telling Debbie that he had to
go. That he couldn’t stay and that he apologized for leaving so early, but that
he would come back in a few months to get her. But that he couldn’t stay and be
reminded of him hurting so much. Mickey sat on the edge of the sofa “Fuck” He
said lowly.
 
 
Debbie sighed “Yeah….Mandy just called me. Told me you took off. I figured you
were going to come here of course…but he’s not here. I don’t know where he
went. But I know he’s supposed to call in a few days like it says in the
letter.” Debbie said sadly to him.
 
 
Mickey looked up at her with tears in his eyes “I fucked up…I’m so sorry.”
Mickey said and got up to leave but was stopped by Debbie. She hugged him
tightly and he hugged her back. “I’m so sorry I hurt him.” Mickey chocked out.
 
 
Debbie stepped back and wiped his tears from his face. “No…you did what you
thought was right. Now you know what is right….But he’s gone.” Debbie said
sadly “Maybe whenever he comes back, and if you’re willing to wait….maybe
things will be different….I just hope he does come back.” Debbie said. The last
sentence she didn’t mean to say out loud but did.
 
 
Mickey looked at her and realized Ian would end up going active again if they
told him to or asked. That just killed him even more. If anything happened to
Ian that would be on Mickey conscious. He would blame himself, just like he’s
doing now. Mickey kissed her on the forehead and left the house. He walked to
the car as the rain started pouring down harder. He got in the car wet and
soaked not really thinking of anything. He just turned the car on and just
drove. He decided to go to the one place he always used to go to when he was
upset or wanted to not think. The peer. Ian was gone…Ian left, Ian left because
of him and now it was too late……he really did lose Ian for good this time.
Chapter End Notes
     so yeah....that happened....dont worry I'm writing the next chapter
     as we speak since I work nights and will be at work right now. I hope
     you all still love me.
     Also heres the link to both songs I put in the story.
     ones from John Mayer amazing artist Dreaming with a Broken heart:
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEge2lxOMTM
     and Miley Cyrus https://youtu.be/JHKOX9np09s
      
     I don't own any of these songs so just so its out there okay. xoxoxo
     love you guys again don't hate me for this chapter. But sometimes
     losing the one you love in the end will make your love stronger once
     you find your way back to one another. Which in the end....I believe
     you will.
     Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!!!!
***** My one and only *****
Chapter Notes
     Well here you guys goes. ANother update. I'm not too happy with it, I
     might come back and change it a bit later on. But see I am happy yet
     not happy with it. I mean I had a hard time trying to end the chapter
     with out it being....well you'll see.
     Let me know how you like it and i love the comment and kudos and
     xoxoxoxo to you all.
     Ps this chapter I decided to dedicate to cdt1234 xoxox I love your
     comment and I hope you binge read the hell out of this tomorrow
     xoxoxoxox this is for you! You'll see why
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The phone rang again. It kept ringing over and over again. Ian glanced down and
ignored the call. He saw that Mickey was trying to call him again, but he
ignored it. His phone had a few miss calls from Mickey from earlier. Ian had
just left his house and Debbie behind. Answer the phone and talking to Mickey
would be suicided for him. He didn’t want to give Mickey the satisfaction of
hearing him and Ian didn’t want to hear Mickey. As he was driving next to the
peer he immediately saw a black Honda car speed ahead of him and turn quickly.
It looked like it was about to crash but it didn’t. Ian stopped his car, he had
almost gotten hit by the car driving along side of him. It was raining hard
now, and he barely saw the road anymore.
 
 
There was a figure that got out the car; it looked like a guy from what Ian
could tell. He was just standing in the rain letting the water fall on him like
nothing. The guy kicked the car over and over again, and Ian just stood in his
car looking at him. The guy who got out the car looked like Mickey, but it
couldn’t have been Ian thought. Mickey was at his rehearsal dinner for his
wedding……right? Ian looked down at his phone again and saw Debbie was calling
him now. He definitely wasn’t going to answer the phone. Not yet, not to her.
Ian knew Debbie must have been really upset. She would probably try to get him
to come back, and knowing Ian, he would fold for her little sister in a
heartbeat.
 
 
Ian looked over at the guy again. He seemed to look upset from where Ian was
trying to see in his car. When the guy stopped kicking the car; he leaned on it
and put his hands in his face covering it. The guy was shaking from what Ian
can tell. The guy then just got up from leaning on the car and walked around
it. He was walking on the boardwalk of the peer, so Ian decided to get out of
his car to see if they guy was hurt or something. His walk was sluggish and he
was shaking a lot from what Ian can tell. Ian went towards the male figure; he
saw that the guy went to the edge of the boardwalk peer. He looked over the
railing and Ian thought the guy looked like he was going to jump.
 
Ian ran towards the guy on the docks and saw he was covering his face and
shaking his head back side to side. He was crying from what Ian can tell and
hear.  Ian decided for some reason to go to the guy and see if he was okay and
needed help, something or anything.
 
                      **********************************
 
Mickey was upset, he was driving so fast and he didn’t care that the cars he
was passing by he almost hit. He then makes a sharp turn near the peer and then
stops the car. He was breathing heavy and he felt a weight on his chest. He
then noticed he was at the peer and got out of his car. It was raining harder
now and he was more upset. He kicked the shit out of the car over and over
again. Upset and pissed at himself for being so stupid, for being such an
idiot. Colt didn’t love him for him, he didn’t really love Mickey at all; all
he wanted to do was control him and make himself happy. Mickey didn’t love Colt
either and he can barely tolerate him anymore. Ian, but…Ian. Ian was the one
Mickey wished he woke up to every morning. Ian was the one Mickey wish he could
make love to, to kiss, to laugh with, to talk to, to lay in bed with to just
being around, to smile at to make dinner and breakfast with, to dance with, to
joke around with to. Just, too! Ian. Ian would say he loved him no matter
what…Ian would love Mickey no matter what, Ian would do all those things and
more with Mickey if he wanted to and would put Mickey in his place when he was
acting like an ass! Ian! Mickey was stupid, and fucked because he lost Ian now
and it was all his fault….He was so scared and now he wasn’t, he wasn’t scared
or afraid, because he knows he belongs with Ian, he knows it’s right and that
its meant to be. All he wanted to was Ian, but now Ian was gone and Mickey
would be left alone.
 
 
Mickey always found a way to fuck shit up…maybe it was best that Ian left…Maybe
Mickey is supposed to be alone for a while. Maybe Ian is supposed to find
someone else that’s not damaged as Mickey is. I mean who would want someone as
damaged as him really? Maybe one day they can find each other again. Mickey
just hopes that Ian will still love him. Mickey’s mind was everywhere at this
moment, he doesn’t want to feel this pain. It hurts too much. For once he
wishes he wasn’t him, he wishes that none of this happened to him that he can
just not feel. Because what he feels right now, is like someone stabbing you in
the chest, not wanting to move or wake up. Why did he have to be so dumb and
not go with his heart like he should’ve? Like he really wanted to, all along.
 
 
Mickey just cries harder and is shaking more; he wishes he didn’t have to feel
like this anymore. So lost, so alone…Ian didn’t make him feel like that. Ian
made him feel so alive. And now he’s not. With Colt, he felt numb, nothing and
it was like waking up every day doing the same shit over and over again, like
it was nothing. Like life meant nothing. Not feeling grounded or at home. But
with Ian…he felt home, he felt grounded, he felt alive, he felt safe, and
wanted and needed and loved. Like really loved; but he won’t get a chance to
feel that now or ever again, because Ian is gone. Now it's too late. L
 
                                   ********
 
Ian sees that guy is on the edge of the peer and he looks like he might jump!
Ian starts to run to the guy automatically like he’s on autopilot. When Ian
gets closer, he saw that the guy was Mickey. ‘Mickey!’ Ian thought to himself.
‘Why fuck was Mickey here? Why is he at the peer and what is he doing? Why is
he crying? What the fuck happened?’ And with that it seemed like it started to
rain even harder.
 
 
“Mickey! Hey Mickey are you alright!? Mickey don’t jump!” Ian yells out at him
getting wet by the second from the rain as he runs closer to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey turns around and looks at Ian and was shocked to see him. He wondered if
it was really him, he saw it was him he laughed. He had to laugh, this was like
a fucking hallucination or some shit! He gets down from the edge of the peer
and walks towards Ian and tries to yell out over the rain as it was loud and
coming down harder. “NO I’M NOT ALRIGHT OKAY….I’M NOT GONNA FUCKING JUMP
OKAY?....WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I THOUGHT YOU LEFT!” Mickey said
 
 
Ian didn’t answer his question he was more concerned with Mickey. “DON’T WORRY
ABOUT THAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Ian asked shouting to him as it was
raining hard.
 
 
“I HAD LEAVE” Mickey yells out and steps closer to Ian. “I had to get out of
there! I felt like I was fucking suffocating, and everything was just…
Everything was wrong all of it! Everyone was just…Just everything and everyone
was just staring at me you know! They were gonna be there to see something that
was wrong and fake! And it wasn’t right; none of it was right Ian! I started
hearing the song and then I…I knew, I just fucking knew it okay!?” Mickey said
to Ian, he wasn’t making any sense to Ian and that was a bit concerning. Mickey
looked exhausted, sad, and scared all at once.
 
 
“Wh-what are you talking about? Get out of where Mickey?” Ian asked but when
Mickey looked at him and didn’t answer, Ian went ahead and asked- “And you knew
what? What did you know?” Ian asked him
 
 
Mickey just looked so frustrated know. “THE FUCKING REHEARSAL DINNER IAN! I
COULDN’T FUCKING DO IT! (Mickey breathes in) I COULDN’T FUCKING GO IN THERE AND
I-FUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEAVING!” Mickey
yells out as the rain felt like it was coming down even more harder and the
thunder roared in. “I went to go find you and you left, I saw the letter!”
Mickey said to Ian.
 
 
Ian decided to answer Mickey this time seeing as Mickey looked like he was
about to have a break down. “Well I was driving and then you almost hit me. I
didn’t know it was you, but then I saw you get out the car! You look like a
fucking maniac and you came out here in the pouring rain and you were
crying...” Ian said in a rush. “Come on let’s get you out of here, I’ll take
you home.” Ian said to Mickey gesturing for him to come with him.
 
 
However Mickey didn’t move. “NO, IAN NO! DON’T YOU GET IT! I CAN’T GO BACK
THERE!” Mickey said running his hands in his hair and pacing around Ian
“EVERYTHING YOU SAID WAS RIGHT!” Mickey yells out turning around to look at Ian
the best he could in the rain. “I’M LIVING A FUCKING LIE I CAN’T GO BACK THERE!
......HE WAS AN OBLIGATION! COLT WAS JUST THAT AND WILL ALWAYS BE JUST THAT! IT
WAS BECAUSE I’M FUCKING SCARED! BECAUSE I FELT GUILTY FOR WANTING TO BE HAPPY
WITH SOMEONE ELSE! AND I WAS SAD FOR COLT, I WAS SAD AND FELT SO GUILTY FOR NOT
WANTING TO BE WITH HIM…IAN DON’T YOU GET!” Mickey yelled at Ian.
 
 
Ian didn’t know what to do. Mickey wasn’t acting himself in fact it scared him,
because here he was leaning over the edge of the peer. Talking, well more like
yelling and Mickey looked worried, scared all at once in Ian’s eyes. “You’re
acting crazy Mickey, come on let’s get you out of the rain into the car where
it’s warm. You don’t want to get sick I don’t want you to get sick Mickey!” Ian
shouted to him as the rain kept coming down harder.
 
 
Mickey laughed bitterly at Ian. “I have been acting crazy Ian! I’m sick!
Everything I’M DOING ISNT WORKING.” Mickey said and grabbed his hair, pulling
it down and ran his hand over his face quickly. “MY RELATIONSHIP WITH COLT, MY
WORK, EVERYTHING I DO HASN’T BEEN WORKING…” Mickey looked at Ian dead in his
eyes “...I tried to do this myself, I tried to believe it was the right thing
to do because…it’s all my fault, nothing is fine….You were right okay, I’m not
fine and I’m not in love with Colt, I’m just with him because it’s an
obligation, a debt or some kind of responsibility because I’m scared and afraid
of losing the one person I do love!” Mickey said and was crying as he spoke. If
it wasn’t raining anyone could tell he was crying, especially now with how he
was sounding so broken. “Because I’m damaged and it was safe; It was safe to be
with him and not be afraid to lose the one I love and because I feel I’m not
worth it….(Mickey sounded little) I was just gonna marry him, so I would
protect myself and be safe from losing the one I love…” Mickey said looking at
Ian.
 
 
God this couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t real was it? Ian thought to
himself. So Ian chanced it and asked Mickey. “Who is it that you love Mick?”
 
 
Mickey looked at Ian and smiled. “Fuck I don’t love him like I love you.”
Mickey said looking at Ian in his green big beautiful eyes. “I can’t fucking
love him like I love you! I love you Ian!” Mickey said in one breath and let
his tears come out even more as he eyes turned red from crying. “I can’t live a
lie anymore and I Can’t live without you Ian! I LOVE YOU! ..... Don’t you get
it!....(Mickey says and walks up to Ian not losing any eye contact as he spoke)
I tried to stay away from you. Fuck god knows I fucking tried to tell myself
that it would go away, but I couldn’t do it. I can’t fucking lose you Ian, I
can’t fucking let you go, I can’t be without you!” Mickey said to Ian. He was
more emotional than Ian had ever saw him. Mickey calmed his breathing and voice
down, when he does that he looks at Ian as he speaks his heart out again. “Ian
I love you… Please tell me you get it….please tell me you won’t leave me! I’m
sorry okay, I’m so sorry, just don’t go!” Mickey said to Ian.
 
 
Ian was shocked to say the least. He didn’t know what to do. This was not what
he expected. He but tries to speak now. “But you said we cou-” and before he
can finish his sentence Mickey cut him off.
 
 
“I know, I know what the fuck I said Ian. But fuck I was wrong. I was so
fucking wrong and you were so fucking right…… You were right Ian! …You were
right about me saying yes to Colt, to marrying him so I wouldn’t hurt him, so
that I would somehow try and repay him back... You were right about why I said
yes to him because it felt like a duty and not love. Because it was never love.
And you were right, I should have told Colt that I love you and that we’re in
love because you were right Ian I love you! I Mickey Milkovich love you so
fucking much and it hurts that I’m losing you and I can’t lose you.” Mickey
says in a rush. He was breathing hard looking at Ian, just looking and waiting
for a response.
 
 
Mickey continued talking when Ian didn’t say anything. “I know what I’ve said
about us before, but it’s different this time because I want to be with you.
Shit I’ve always wanted to be with you Ian, but that because I was afraid I
couldn’t….But Ian I need to be with you. When I left and you told me to go, I
didn’t know what to with myself.” Mickey tells Ian all in one shot, and if it
wasn’t raining you could see the tears rolling down his face as his eyes were
becoming redder than before as he spoke to Ian. Mickey’s voice was becoming
more hitched up with some much emotion as he spoke to Ian. Wanting Ian to feel
what he was saying to him was all true. Because it was true, all of it.

 
Ian looked at Mickey and saw in his eyes the truth behind everything he just
said. And yes Ian Gallagher was still, no is still incredible in love and will
always be in love with Mickey Milkovich. This man more than anything and
everything in his life. So much that he was willing to leave and let him go.
But right now that said man was confessing his love to him and Ian couldn’t
really bring any words to play. So, he went with the first thing that came to
him from his heart “I’m Here Mick. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere if
you don’t want me to. I’m always gonna be here baby. I love you, I won’t ever
leave!” Ian said emotionally to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey then walks up to Ian more and grabs Ian by his neck, bringing their lips
together and kisses him as if it was the first time he ever kissed Ian. The
kiss is more passionate, slow no tongue at all, and just love. Love in the
kiss, love in the touch, and love in the way their hearts beat as one….
 
 
Mickey breaks the kiss and Hugs Ian close to him. Holding on so tight that he
feels that if he lets go Ian would leave. “Please don’t ever leave me Ian,
don’t ever leave me alone.” Mickey whispers to Ian.
 
 
“No. I would never leave you alone Mick.”
 
 
“I love you… god fucking help me I love you so much” Mickey says and smiles at
Ian. He leans his forehead to Ian, looking at his big green beautiful eyes.
 
 
“I love you too.” Ian says and Kisses Mickey again. Holding him close and not
letting him go for one section, as the rain continues to pour down around them.
 
 
“I want be with you forever…I want you be my peter pan and we can be with each
other forever like in Neverland.” Mickey said to Ian with his lips trembling
and his eyes focused on Ian’s.
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey and smiles. “Yeah? I’ll be your Peter pan… and we can be
with each other forever in Neverland….” Ian smiles at him then laughs at what
he says next “As long as you can be my Wendy Darling!” They laughed with one
another putting their foreheads together, and just stared at each other.
 
 
Mickey then laughs hard and kisses Ian hard. This time he opens his mouth and
lets Ian in, and the kiss was as if it was the first time again. Slow, but
passionate. Frantic, but now more loving and more open as Mickey slips his
tongue into Ian’s mouth and as Ian meets Mickey’s tongue in his mouth, sparks
fly. Their chest becomes tight. This feeling, this was the feeling they were
both missing for so long.
 
 
Their very first kiss in a way was in the rain and both men didn’t care that it
was just raining all around them. Not when it all came into place and
everything just felt so right for the first time in a long time. This was their
first kiss, because both men knew where they belong now; and that was with each
other. When they broke away from the kiss, both Ian and Mickey were trying to
catch their breath. Mickey just looked at Ian and smiled, leaning in to him to
hold him tight.
 
 
Ian didn’t care that it was getting colder as it rained, but he didn’t want get
out of it “Want me to take you home?” Ian asked Mickey
 
 
Mickey looked up at Ian and he smiled. “Red…wherever you are, or where we are
is home you dickhead.” Mickey said fondly to Ian, who smiled back at him and
kissed Mickey again.
 
 
They made their way to the car soaked and wet, but still smiling at one
another, holding each-others hands not letting go for a second.
 
                                    ******
 
When Ian pulls up in front of Mickey’s apartment building, they both look at
each other and smile brightly at each other again. As hard as it was raining
and as foggy as it was outside, there was nothing that can break their smile of
happiness. “You sure we should be here and not back at my house?” Ian asked
Mickey.
 
 
Mickey nodded his head. “Yeah, plus didn’t you say Debbie would probably kick
your ass if she sees you now….Plus…I just want to it to be us for a little
while before we have to deal with the world and real life….I just want it to be
me and you and no one right now.” Mickey said looking at Ian and nowhere else.
 
 
Ian smiled and nods his head in agreement. They definitely needed to be alone
and talk before dealing with everyone or as Mickey called it real life. “But
won’t your brothers or sister come looking for you here?” Ian asked him
 
 
Mickey shrugged. “They can, but they won’t be able to get in…the locks were
changed by Nick and so was the keypad password, but I never gave it to them or
anyone for that matter.” Mickey says and looks away then back at Ian. “For some
reason…I never changed it…I don’t know why I didn’t, I just….I don’t know I
didn’t think I needed to.” Mickey says, he turns to smile at Ian. He hasn’t
stop smiling at Ian since they kissed.
 
 
Ian can’t help but smile right back at Mickey. For a few moments they stay in
the car till the rain lightens up. Once it does they both get out of the car
making their way upstairs. Once the door is unlocked and both men make their
way inside. Mickey turns to Ian and looks at him, there’s so much running in
his mind right now and it feels impossible for him to think straight right now.
“There are um…some clothes in the room in the dresser if you want to change…I
mean you know with us being wet and all.” Mickey says nervously. He has no idea
why he’s so nervous now but it’s an excited kind of nervous. Not a bad one.
 
 
Ian smiles at him “Yeah” He says and Mickey leads him into the bedroom ‘as if
he’s never been in here’ Mickey thinks to himself. Mickey gives him clothes for
Ian to change into. Mickey walks out of the room and looks around. He’s making
sure the apartment is nice and not a mess.
 
‘Why the fuck am I worried about that now?’ Mickey thinks to himself. ‘Fuck Ian
is here…Ian is most likely naked now…in my room…by himself…FUCK! Keep cool
Mickey, keep cool, the guy that you’re in love with is in the next room…
getting undressed…He’s naked…he’s in your house and naked and your…’ Mickey
thinks to himself and stops to look at himself. He’s eternally freaking out
now. ‘Well you’re dripping fucking water all over the floor. Nice Mick really
nice! What the fuck go get changed dumb ass before Ian see you!’
 
“Shit” Mickey says to himself out loud this time and goes to the bathroom to
changes out of his wet clothes. As soon as he’s done, Mickey comes out of the
bathroom, and is now in a white tank top with black sweat pants on. He went
straight into the sala and turned on the TV while waiting for Ian. Mickey kept
wondering why it wasn’t weird for him yet it was weird for him at the same
time; because well Ian was here and well…they were alone. Like alone, alone.
His thoughts were cut off when Ian came in the room and sat right next to him.
Mickey shifted towards Ian and Ian did the same.
 
 
Without saying a word, Ian leans close to Mickey and kisses him hard. Mickey of
course returns the kiss back and grabs a hold onto Ian, bringing him down on
the sofa to have him on top of him. Mickey’s loves the feeling of having Ian on
top of him and the weight on him is just perfect. He breaks the kiss and looks
up at Ian “I love you…I love you so much.” Mickey says to him.
 
 
“I love you to.” Ian says and leans down and kisses Mickey again as his hands
start to trail down his side, stopping right on Mickey’s hips. Ian inches his
hands over Mickey’s sweat pants and tries to bring them down, but then Mickey
stops him. Ian breaks the kiss and looks at Mickey secretly asking him why he
stopped him. Mickey just shakes his head no and turns to look away from Ian.
 
 
God he knew this might happen. Ian wanted to sleep with him but Mickey wasn’t
sure. He still got nightmares sometimes and flashes of memories. ‘Fuck…I lead
him on. Now he’s gonna think I’m more damaged.’ Mickey thought to himself.
Mickey feels ashamed that he’s not ready to have sex…At least not yet he feels.
The thought of sex still intrudes his mind as a bad thing, but this is Ian. And
Ian wouldn’t hurt him, and he knows Ian would understand if he asked him to
wait. But he still feels ashamed. Mickey can lie to others about how he feels;
he could simply tell them he’s fine with his body. But the truth is……Well he
can’t even look at himself in the mirror. When he tries to all he sees is
nothing but disgust and a used up body. He feels disgusting and dirty, but he
doesn’t want Ian to know that.
 
 
Ian must have sense something wrong with Mickey because he gently takes his
right hand touches Mickey’s chin and “look at me” He says lowly at Mickey.
Mickey complies and looks at Ian in his eyes. He can tell he’s scared and
upset. Sad even, but why? What did he do wrong for Mickey to feel this way all
of sudden. Then it clicks to him what he did wrong. ‘Fuck! Nice one Ian’ Ian
thinks to him. “Talk to me Mick…what’s wrong? We don’t have to, you know. Do
anything. I’m sorry. I love you no matter what okay? Sex or no sex.” Ian says
to him
 
 
Mickey then sits up and is playing with his hem of his shirt and is looking
away from Ian. Ian looks at him patiently and quietly, waiting of his partner
to speak. Mickey feels Ian squeeze his foot and he looks up at Ian. Ian is
giving him a small smile and is sitting on the sofa with his legs cross looking
directly at Mickey. After about a few minutes of silence Mickey finally speaks.
“I don’t know……I don’t know if I’m ready yet….I mean I want to. I really want
to.” Mickey says and sighs loudly. “But for some reason I still feel dirty… I
still get bad nightmares sometime. But always, I just feel used and dirty.” Was
all Mickey said and Ian understood that. He got what Mickey was saying.
 
 
OF course Mickey would still feel this way? Going through what he went through
just doesn’t go away overnight. Apart of is it always still with you, but even
so, you can’t always let that part control you. Mickey knows this it’s just
hard to still deal with.
 
 
“Okay.” Ian says nodding his head. “Why don’t we just cuddle and watch TV or
some shit. Play video game and eat a shit loud of stuff, and fuck the outside
world. Let it just be me and you in here for a while and let us just enjoy our
world away from out there.” Ian says to Mickey smiling fondly at him.
 
 
Mickey smiles and laughs at him “God I hate you red.”
 
 
Ian laughs and shakes his head “No, no you don’t. On the contrary you love me.
You even said it yourself. You can’t take that back.” Ian says playfully and
smugly to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey goes and tackles him and his straddling him now “You don’t mind right?”
Mickey asked Ian.
 
Ian then sits up still holding Mickey in his lap and is rubbing his back. “Of
course I don’t mind. And no I don’t think your dirty…I don't think your wrong
for not wanting to do it right now either. Whenever you’re ready Mick; whether
that’s like 1 year from now or 5 years from now. I’ll wait.”
 
 
Mickey laughs. “Yeah no I don’t think it will take that long.” Mickey says
 
 
Ian smiles at him “Yeah but my point is, whenever you want and you’re sure.
Then I can make passionate hot love to you, or just fuck your brains out?
Either one you want!” Ian says to him playfully to lighten up the mood.
 
 
Mickey blushes hard now. “Jesus!” Mickey says and puts his head on Ian’s
shoulders and just holds him and hugs him tightly. Ian does the same and they
don’t say anything for a while. All they do is hold each, taking in one another
sent and touch of feel. That’s all they do, and all Mickey wants is to be held
and safe. Ian Gallagher is definitely the man to do that for him.
 
 
                                   *********
 
After a few days of it just being them and being alone; they watching different
television shows, talking and making out like teenagers; things were moving
along great. There was lot of miss calls from his siblings and even Colt, on
both his and Ian’s phone. But Mickey didn’t bother to answer them or
acknowledge any of it. What he wanted to do was stay inside his bubble that him
and Ian had from just a little while longer.
 
Today was a quiet day, they didn’t talk as much, not after Mickey woke up from
a nightmare that morning. He let Ian sleep with him in his bed, all they did
was cuddle and hold one another for now. But last night his dreams felt so
real; he woke up screaming with tears in his eyes saying he was sorry over and
over again. Ian tried to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault; that he was
okay and safe with him here at home. So today was a quiet one for them both.
After spending what felt like hours on the sofa watching bad movies on Netflix
for the night; Mickey got up from the sofa and reach out his hand for Ian. Ian
automatically took Mickey’s hand, and together they walked into Mickey’s room
and went to lie in bed.
 
 
So now Mickey and Ian were lying in bed just holding each other again like they
had been now for a few nights. It felt right and Mickey felt much safer than he
ever could. Ian wasn’t pushing, he was just there listening to Mickey and
watching over him. Mickey then decides to turn around and look up at Ian and
smiled. Meeting his green eyes. Ian placed his hand on Mickey’s jaw and slowly
lowered himself connecting his lips with Mickeys.
 
 
Mickey automatically gave in, and kissed Ian hard at first, than Ian sucked on
Mickey’s bottom lip only biting down gently making Mickey moan. Mickey sucked
on Ian’s lips and broke from the kiss pulling back slightly. He had hooded
eyes; he looks up at Ian with lust. Mickey knew right then and there he wanted
Ian. More now than ever, it was the right time for him. He wanted to feel
something good, pure, and right for once. Love, he wanted it more in an
intimate way. He wanted to feel all of Ian and he wanted Ian to feel all of
him.  Ian didn’t see anything wrong with Mickey, and he was willing to wait as
long as it took for Mickey to want to sleep with him intimately. Well tonight
was that night and Mickey wanted it.
 
 
Mickey lean in closer to Ian and then kissed him again deepening the kiss. He
grabbed on to Ian’s hair tugging it lightly. That lights something up in Ian.
Ian was hesitant but he then moved on top of Mickey. Mickey wrapped his arms
around Ian grabbing his shoulders from underneath him and lightly scratching
his back. Ian moaned at the action and then he grabbed Mickey back slightly
rough but kissing him softly.
 
 
The blood flow of their bodies rushed down and the feeling was amazing. It went
from their stomach to their legs, causing the only reaction that gave them both
this amazing feeling. Their hands were all over each other and that kiss.
Kissing Ian was the most amazing thing ever, and Mickey got lost in it. Tasting
Ian’s tongue as it moved inside his mouth, and carding his fingers through
Ian’s hair making the hair on Ian’s body raise up.  Both men were hard now and
Mickey wasn’t hesitant this time he wanted this, and he wanted it with Ian.
 
 
Making out and feeling each other was amazing, but Mickey wanted more. He can
tell that Ian wanted more too, by the feel of it anyways. Mickey somehow got on
top of Ian as the rolled over and now. Mickey broke away from the kissed and
looked down at Ian. They were both breathing heavy and Mickey was memorized at
how Ian is looking at him. Mickey sat up more and took off his shirt, Ian sat
up as well. He looks over at Mickey waiting for some kind of signal to make
sure it was okay for him to do the same thing and not just assumed.
 
 
Mickey then looked at Ian’s eyes and knew there are no words that need to be
spoken. Mickey smiles, he leans in and kisses Ian, while removing Ian’s shirt
for him. Mickey takes a second to look at Ian’s body. He was looking at the
scars on his body, and examining them as if it was the first time, but in a way
it was. For the first time he was seeing Ian’s body exposed as himself, and not
as Nick. He let his fingers linger over his chest, and his stomach; he then
touched his muscular arms and traced his fingers around them. Mickey sat up on
the bed more looking at Ian and used both his hands to touch his chest, and it
was as if he’s in amazement of how beautiful Ian was. His eyes connected with
Ian, and Ian looked worried at first. But then Mickey smiled at him and leaned
in to kiss him, and it was an instant relief.
 
 
The kiss was a bit more rough and needy, Ian then rolled Mickey on to his back
and Mickey bit Ian’s bottom lip gentle at first, then more rough when they
continued to just kiss. Ian’s reaction was to kiss Mickey deeper and longer.
With their tongues tangling together, both of their heart beats were beating
faster and they were just enjoying this moment of absolute bliss.  Mickey
wanted to feel this, feel how good it is to feel good, and not feel bad about
it. He wanted the moment of ecstasy, that feeling of relief, that feeling of
something so good, that it can be good and not bad. That feeling of not feeling
used or dirty, Mickey wanted to feel needed and Ian was gonna make sure of
that.
 
 
Everything else to them he wants it to be faded away and it is. No one, no one
on the outside world right now matters, but him and Ian. Mickey scratches Ian’s
back lightly and Ian must love it because he shivers at the touch and feel of
this action. He starts to move his hips and Mickey can’t help but want it. Ian
then pulls away from Mickey and looks down at him. “Do you want this…if you
don’t it’s okay-we don’t have to.” Ian says but Mickey cuts him off by bring
him down for a hard kiss and they begin to kiss again.  Ian moves from kissing
Mickey to kissing down his neck and he nips at his earlobe sucking on it
lightly then goes back to his neck. He’s kissing him and sucking on Mickey’s
neck where his pulse is at and that makes Mickey moan.
 
 
Ian then starts to kiss down from Mickey’s Neck to his chest. Ian makes an open
mouth kiss on Mickey’s chest and goes to his swirls his tongue around his
nipples causing Mickey to grab tightly and tug on Ian’s hair and moan out
loud.  That causes chills down Ian’s back. He begins to sucks on Mickey’s
nipples and Mickey’s hips jolt up in reaction. All Ian wants to do is make
Mickey feel good, and that is exactly what he is going to do. Ian wanders
further down Mickey’s body kissing his abs and biting on them gently causing
them to be marked. Mickey is loving it by the way he breaths out. “Oh God” and
continues to tug on Ian’s hair gently. Ian’s fingers hook under Mickey’s boxers
and Ian looks up at Mickey making sure he’s comfortable with this.
 
When Mickey raises his hips up to Ian signalling him the okay, Ian pulls down
Mickey’s boxers slipping them off throwing them to the floor. Ian looks down at
Mickey hard on, and sits up slowly in between Mickey’s leg. Mickey looks up at
Ian and is biting his bottom lips and raises eye brows playfully at Ian. Ian
smiles down at Mickey and removes his own boxers and he sees Mickey eyeing him
up and down full of lust and want. Ian leans down begins to kiss Mickey’s right
thighs from his knees up, while his other hand moves up and down on his left
thigh. Ian trails kisses on the inside of Mickey’s thigh now and he can feel
Mickey skin shiver as he gets closer and closer to Mickey’s cock. Ian then
kisses up to Mickey’s hip and sucks a hickey right on his hip. Ian hears Mickey
murmuring his name from a moan. Ian’s loving how Mickey’s body is reacting to
his touches, to his kisses, to whatever he is doing to him.
 
 
When Ian runs his hands up and down Mickey’s thighs again, he then takes Mickey
into his mouth and he hears Mickey gasp in a low moan his name “Ian…hmph” and
he hears Mickey sighed in relief at the same time. Ian is sucking on the tip of
Mickey’s cock and uses his hand to work the rest of Mickey. Ian is lost in the
sounds Mickey is making and of the taste of him. Mickey then starts to say
Ian’s name over and over again and that encourages Ian to work his tongue
around Mickey swirling it around. Doing things to him that Mickey has never
felt before.
 
 
Mickey can feel everything and it’s as if he’s waited forever to feel like
this. He feels Ian lick over the slit of his cock and it sends a shiver again
through his body. Mickey can feel Ian trail his tongue down his vein and lick
and suck on base of his head.  Ian is twisting his wrist at the same time as he
is sucking on the head of Mickey’s cock, causing Mickey to fist the sheets and
throw his head back into the pillow and moan Ian’s name out louder. Mickey
turns his head to the left side of the pillow and his trying hard not to moan
louder as Ian does something with his tongue. His eyes are screwed shut and his
breathing is becomes more rapid.  Mickey is tugging on Ian’s hair more and
involuntary thrusting up into Ian’s mouth.
 
 
Ian lets out a moan, humming around Mickey, tasting him more as he taste his
precum on his tongue. That causes more shivers of sensation in Mickey. Mickey
then jolts his hips up again, but Ian holds him down preventing him from
fucking up into his mouth again. Ian is sucking down on Mickey now, opening his
throat more taking Mickey all the way down.  “IAN!” Mickey sounds like a wreck
and grabs Ian by the shoulders and pulls him up to him.
 
 
They each surge to each other and kiss; kissing deeply tugging on each other.
They both break away from the kiss breathless and Ian is looking down at
Mickey. Mickey is looking up at him. No words are being exchange, just looks.
Looks of lust, of life, of hope, and joy, of wants, and needs. Looks of love,
and happiness. “Making love to me.” Mickey says emotionally “I want to know
what it feels like…Ian make love to and only me.” Mickey says to Ian as if he
in the brink of tears. Mickey’s eyes are glassy, but nothing comes down his
face. He’s emotions are everywhere and now he needs Ian to do this for him.
 
 
Ian places his forehead against Mickey’s and kisses him now softly and
passionately. His tongue slowly enters Mickey’s mouth and Mickey willingly lets
it in. Mickey under Ian was mindlessly roaming his hands all over Ian as his
fingers swept over his abs and over his hips squeezing them. Then he grabbed
Ian’s ass. Ian roamed his hands on Mickey’s night stand to find the lube.
 
Once Ian has the lube, he sits up and both men lock their eyes together
breathing slightly heavy. Mickey takes his left hands and places them on Ian,
cupping his face and swipes his thumb across Ian’s cheek. Mickey then takes his
right hand and brushes some of the hair on Ian’s forehead away from his face
and smiles up at him. Ian takes his right hand and also does the same movement
as Mickey did, moving his hair away from his face. He then slowly leans down
and kisses Mickey. Mickey’s hands wonder down Ian’s back towards his ass and
grabs it firmly. Rubbing both their erections together making them both moan in
pleasure.
 
 
Ian then grabs the pillow and positions it up under Mickey’s hips. Ian then
opens up the bottle of Lube without taking his eyes off Mickey who is now
looking at Ian smiling biting his bottom lip again. Once Ian has the lube in
his hand, and it’s on his fingers. Mickey sit up on his elbows tilts his head
to the side and smirks at Ian giving him a playful look of lust in his eyes.
Mickey leans more on his left elbow as he lift his right arms up and curves his
fingers into a fist except his index finger and makes a motion with his finger
for Ian to come up to him. Ian crawls up onto Mickeys, and Mickey grabs him
fiercely kissing him while leaning down on the pillow.
 
 
This playfully manner has Ian going wild, but he’s steady as well. Ian kisses
down to Mickey’s chest and Mickey opens his legs up as Ian sinks in one finger
into. Ian then goes back up and kisses Mickey as he feels him tense up around
his finger. Ian moves his finger slowly inside and out of Mickey so he can
relax him more, while kissing him gentle around his face. Mickey is moaning and
that makes Ian’s mouth tremble with pleasure. Mickey was tight considering that
last time him and Mickey were in bed and that Mickey slept with someone was
right before he was integrated. Ian then added another finger into Mickey
slowly as he coached him. He wanted to make sure Mickey was still okay with
them being intimate and if need be, he would stop right then and there. But
Mickey grunted and was looking at Ian with love in his eyes. Ian is now opening
Mickey up more. Mickey’s mouth is now open at the sensation he’s feeling. The
feeling of Ian’s fingers inside him has him feeling buzzed and he tries to push
deeper onto Ian’s fingers. He wants more and Ian gets the message. Ian is still
kissing Mickey, at the same time he pushes in the third finger into him. He
doesn’t want hurt Mickey in any way considering it’s been a long time since
he’s been with someone in bed, and that he’s choosing to do this now with Ian.
Remembering everything horrible about sex was the only thing Mickey knew.
Forget about the other times he hooked up with people, forget about when Nick
was out, forget about when he was with Colt and didn’t know about Ian. Right
now at this moment, this moment counts more than anyone could ever imagine.
Being able to give yourself up to someone you love, and asking them to take
care of you in a way that you know can break you was what Mickey was doing.
Allowing Ian to break his wall and trust him.
 
 
For Ian, there is somewhat pressure to making sure he makes this experience for
Mickey better than anything. Making love is one thing; it’s what Mickey wants.
He wants to know how good it’s supposed to feel, what it’s supposed to feel
like, to experience it on a level that most people know. And Ian will do just
that for him. Ian then pulls away from kissing Mickey and watches Mickey’s
reaction as he fingers go deeper inside of him. Mickey’s mouth is parted
slightly and his eye brows are tightening together as his eyes are closed. His
face is relaxed and now he’s biting his lips and he pushes his head further
back into the pillow.
 
 
Ian lets Mickey take some control in this. It’s important that he does; Mickey
is trying to ground down on Ian’s fingers and once Ian crocks his fingers
inside of Mickey at certain angle. “Oh Fuck!” Mickey moans out and his hips go
up and he’s grinding down more in Ian’s fingers. Ian knows he’s found Mickey’s
prostate. Mickey opens his eyes and their hooded. He grabs Ian by the neck and
brings him down for a kisses as he leans up for one at the same time. The kiss
his sloppy and Mickey is squirming under him wanting more. Ian grabs Mickeys
cock and is pumping him slowly. Mickey is kissing Ian harder now and moving his
hips up and down faster, fucking himself on Ian’s fingers and thrusting up into
his hand. “Ian!” Mickey said and Ian didn’t need to be told anything more, he
removed his fingers from inside of Mickey at which he heard a small whimper.
 
Ian then coated himself up with lube and lined himself up with against Mickey.
Ian looked up at Mickey to making sure he was comfortable and ready. Mickey
nodded his head yes. Once Ian got his confirmation from Mickey, he then slowly
entered himself half way into Mickey; who then groaned out and flew his head
back at the slight pain of sensation he was feeling. Mickey was tight and Ian
also groaned at the feeling of pressure around him. Ian was trying hard not to
explode right then and there, he wanted so much to just thrust into Mickey hard
and fast but he knew he had to take his time and go at Mickey’s pace.  Ian
moved slowly in and out of Mickey; Mickey held on to Ian tightly clenching
around him. Ian then pushed in more slowly and was moaning involuntarily now,
losing himself in Mickey. 
 
 
Mickey let out a noise somewhat of a chocking noise and he was gasp for air,
Mickey grabbed Ian’s forearms and held on to them tightly. He calmed his
breathing down, and was relaxing as Ian continued to slowly bottom out inside
of him. When Mickey seems to be adjusted to Ian’s length and the feel of him
inside of him, Ian made sure he was okay. “Are you okay baby?” Ian said
breathless catching his breath and steading it.
 
 
Mickey opened his eye and looked up at Ian “Yes” he said “Move…you can move”
Mickey panted and was already sweating.
 
 
So with that response, Ian started to move at a slow steady pace. Ian’s arms
caged Mickey’s head, Mickey moved his hands to Ian’s face and brought him down
to kiss him just as Ian continued to thrust into him slowly. “Deeper” Mickey
whispers to Ian. So Ian responded and thrust slow but deep into Mickey, sending
all kinds of pleasure threw the both of them. Mickey moaned out as he kissed
Ian and Ian did the same. Mickey broke the kiss, but kept his hand on Ian’s
head that ended up carted threw his hair. As Ian began to go deeper and harder,
Mickey response was gripping hard on Ian’s hair and clenching more around Ian. 
“FUCK!” Mickey chocked out as Ian shifted his angle inside of Mickey hitting
his prostate.
 
 
The pleasure wasn’t new, but it felt new to Mickey. He arched his back up every
time Ian hit that same spot over and over, deeper and hard and slow. Mickey’s
arms went underneath Ian’s. Ian leaned down and put his face in Mickey’s neck
sucking and kissing on it. Mickey’s eyes rolled back and his mouth was parted.
The sounds Mickey was making was wrecking Ian, and he began to go slightly
faster; Mickey didn’t protest it at all, in fact he tugs Ian’s hair more and
arched up again. His eyes were rolling back again at the sensation and he was
going come. He can feel his orgasming coming up in his stomach, the sensation
of pleasure and that feeling coming all over him as Ian continued to go faster
and deeper and harder “I’m gonna……Ian I’m gonna-” Mickey moaned out loudly.
 
 
Ian then removed himself from Mickey’s neck and began to kiss Mickey as he
continued to move faster inside of him. Wanting Mickey to feel good and cum.
“Mick…..shit Mickey…Fuck.” Ian said and his thrusted started to become erotic
and he was panting into Mickey’s mouth and Mickey was doing the same. Mickey
gripped tighter onto Ian’s shoulders and he was coming hard all over his chest
and Ian. Ian was fucking into him chasing his orgasm as well and coming hard
inside of Mickey. He held Mickey tight going deeper and deeper in him hitting
his prostate, while Mickey clenched tightly around Ian causing both men to moan
out each other names. The friction and the position they were in had Ian and
Mickey feeling amazing, as they were coming riding out their orgasm hitting
their climax hard with one another.
 
 
Ian looks down at Mickey, at the same time Mickey opens his eyes and smiles up
at Ian. Ian leans down and kisses Mickey softly. His fully lips on Mickey’s and
Mickey never wanted it to stop. After a few minutes Ian was still inside of
Mickey, and that was because Mickey didn’t want him to move. Mickey stood lying
down running his hands all over Ian’s face, his chest, and god did he examine
ever fucking freckle in his body. Ever cut, ever muscles he has, ever scar on
his body that he could see. Mickey didn’t want Ian to move, he just wanted to
stay like this forever.
 
 
However if they continued to stay like this, Ian would end up getting hard
again. “Mick?” Ian asked Mickey who was just looking at Ian smiling and biting
his lip. Ian knew he was being a little shit now. “Mick babe? I have to move
you know.”
 
 
“Why?” Mickey said innocently trying hard to hide his smile.
 
 
“Because if not, then I’m gonna get hard again and want to fuck you.” Ian said
chuckling.
 
 
Mickey rolled his eyes and looked at Ian playfully “That’s not a problem for
me, not anymore that is.” Mickey said and leans up to kiss Ian, bring him down.
“I can go for another round.” Mickey whisper at Ian and kissed him hard at the
same time his hands were trailing down grabbing Ian’s ass and pushing Ian into
him. Ian soft cock was now getting hard again. Both men moaned and Ian yelped
when Mickey went ahead and squeezed his ass harder.
 
 
“God I’ve missed you.” Ian said when he broke the kiss from Mickey and rested
his forehead on his.
 
 
Mickey was panting and opened his eyes looking up at Ian “Me to.”
 
 
Needless to say, they definitely had another round or two….or three. I mean you
can imagine right. Come on! Lol
 
                                   *********
 
Waking up to Ian was the most gratifying thing Mickey could have felt. Over the
past few days he felt like this, but last night…well last night was different
and this feeling was different. It felt warm and just right; Ian was holding
him tight and Mickey didn’t mind.  This was them, this was real and Mickey
wasn’t dreaming it. Mickey turned in Ian’s arms and smiled at him. Ian looked
so peaceful sleeping. Mickey leaned in and kissed him making Ian smiled in his
sleep. Mickey giggled; little and slowly he removed Ian’s tight grip off of
him; Mickey had to pee so he got up from bed and found Ian’s pants and put them
on. He went to relieve himself and washed his face and brushed his teeth.
 
 
When Mickey looked up at the mirror and was stunned to see himself…..Like
actual himself smiling and blushing red. He was happy and for the first time in
a long time, he knew what he wanted more than anything in life. And that was to
be free and happy. Ian was his guardian angel and it was because of his illness
that he found him. It’s funny how life works that way huh?
 
 
Mickey walks out of his bathroom and goes straight into the kitchen to get
something to eat for him and his partner. Mickey smiled at the thought of Ian
being his partner. Then his smiled faded……Ian was leaving…Ian might leave
anyways? What if this was a goodbye and Ian had to go to the fuck…. Mickey
swallowed his thoughts at the thought of Ian leaving once he woke up. Over the
past few days Ian did say he was in contact with his commanding officer
discussing a few things. What if Ian had to go back and this was a goodbye.
Mickey knew he would break even more.
 
 
                                     *****
 
Ian felt a kiss on his lips and smiled. He held tightly onto Mickey and yes
this was his Mickey. He got him…fuck he missed this. Ian continued to drift in
and out of sleep. When he got up, he notice that someone wasn’t with him; he
got up nervous and scared that Mickey had regret sleeping with him. Instant
guilt came over Ian. Maybe he was to rough, maybe Mickey was upset with him,
maybe this was like a get his brains fuck out kind of thing and then he would
go back to Colt.
 
 
Ian got up and tried to look for his clothes but he didn’t find them. He then
went into Mickey’s dresser and got out some sweat pants and a shirt and puts
them on. Ian walked out of Mickey’s room and heard nothing at first. The
initial panic started again, but then Ian heard sounds coming from the back
room of Mickey’s apartment. Ian followed the sounds into one of Mickey’s room;
once he got to the room he stopped and looked at Mickey as he was looking out
at the window listening to a song being played. Mickey looked content, yet sad
as he was leaning up against the wall holding himself. Ian heard him sniffle
and he saw Mickey look down at a something.
 
 
Ian then walks into the room and Mickey notice. He turns around to look up and
sees Ian and smiles at him brightly. “You’re up! I didn’t hear you get up.”
Mickey said to him.
 
 
Ian nodded his head and looks at Mickey again. He looked like he was crying,
but here he was smiling at him “You okay?” Ian asked him and Mickey nodded his
head yes “You sure because you look like you’ve been crying.” Ian said to him
and Mickey shrugged his shoulders and looked down at the floor again then
outside the window. Ian came from behind him and wrapped his arms around Mickey
holding him tight. Mickey did the same holding Ian’s arms tightly around him.
“What’s wrong baby?” Ian asked him again kissing the back of Mickey’s head.
 
 
Mickey held Ian tighter “Are you gonna leave me? ...You were leaving when you
stopped and found me…… We’ve been here held up in the apartment for a few days
and you’ve been talking to your old boss or whatever……So are you leaving?”
Mickey said not turning around to look at Ian, because he couldn’t bare the
thought of Ian leaving. Not when he just got him back and not when he finally
got things right.  But for Mickey things this good didn’t last for him. So he
held his head high and expected the worse answer to come out of Ian. Telling
Mickey yes he had to leave.
 
 
Ian held Mickey tighter and he heard Mickey hitch his breath as he inhaled. Ian
could tell Mickey was crying or trying not to. Ian looked over the Chicago city
view. “No-no I’m not leaving.” Ian said and Mickey turned instantly to look up
at him with such hope in his eyes, yet he was scared as well. “I’m not leaving
you, not just when I got you back.” Ian said looking at Mickey and kissed him
with no hesitation. Mickey kissed him back without a thought. And smiled up at
Ian.
 
 
 
“So where does this leave us? Are we together or… I mean…fuck. Do you still
love me?” Mickey asked Ian. Ian was slightly thrown off by Mickey’s question,
but he wasn’t finished yet. “Because you fucking better Ian Gallagher. Or I
will rip your dick and shove it up your ass! These past few days have been what
I think us being together. So…we’re together right?” Mickey said to Ian with no
heat behind his voice, but simply calm and playfully manner
 
 
“Well do have an option here or” Ian try to say, but Mickey cuts him off.
 
“No. No you don’t.” Mickey shakes his head “Nope, Nooooo, nah No option you're
stuck with me.” Mickey said to him and smiled. “Now let’s gets some fucking
food to eat, I’m starving!” Mickey said and dragged Ian out of the room into
the kitchen to eat a late brunch.
 
 
Ian then stops to look at Mickey and smiles at him. Mickey turns around and
looks at Ian and smiles back, motioning for him to move and follow him. That
was when it hit Ian. Mickey was definitely his one and only. Mickey was it for
him and that was a fact that no one could deny. Mickey smiles at Ian again and
walks up to him and places his arms around Ian's waste. "You’re my one and only
to Ian." He says smiling at Ian and kissing him.
 
 
Ian Looks at Mickey, he had no idea he was speaking out loud and Mickey just
laughs at him. "I think this is the most I've ever seen you smile." Ian says to
him
 
 
"Oh yeah? Says the guy who was just talking to himself, and I thought I was the
crazy one." Mickey says and laughs at himself. "Come ooooon. I'm hungry and I
want you help me make something to eat, which requires me looking at you cook
half naked!" Mickey said walking away from Ian into the kitchen.
 
 
Ian walks to him. "Hey wait! If I'm cooking then what are you gonna be doing?"
Ian asked Mickey while grabbing him by the hips and kissing him on the neck.
 
 
"Oh Me!" Mickey said as he points to himself. He breaks free of Ian’s hold and
hops up on the counter. "I'm gonna be monitoring you and making sure you cook
as I check you out! You know to make sure my health is okay!" Mickey says
playfully and smirks at Ian raising his eye brows up and down.
 
 
Ian snorts and mumbles “asshole.” under his breathe.
 
 
Mickey laughs and said "Yeah but you love it!" and continues to stare at Ian as
he bends down and gets the pots from underneath the counter.
 
                                  **********
 
 
After eating brunch, both Ian and Mickey went to lay down back in bed; Ian was
lying on his back and Mickey was snuggled up against him lying down on Ian’s
chest. Both men have their eyes closed when Mickey’s cell phone goes off.
Mickey grunted and then looked up at Ian who smiled at him. Mickey reached over
Ian to get his phone that was on the night stand. When Mickey lays back down on
Ian and looked at his phone he sighed loudly and put the phone to the side and
just held Ian.
 
 
“Who is it?” Ian said tiredly opening his eyes. Mickey moved and looked up at
Ian and shows him the phone of who was calling yet again. Ian raised his eye
brows at Mickey who did the same thing. “Colt.” Ian said with a frown on his
face
 
 
Mickey nodded his head “Yup…that asshole.” Mickey said dryly and frowned at the
thought of talking to Colt.
 
 
“You gonna talk to him or what?” Ian asked
 
 
Mickey sat up and looked over at Ian “Yeah. But I don’t wanna right now. Right
now what I want is sleep and not to think about the outside world. Plus
tomorrow I have therapy and you’re coming with me Red.”
 
 
Ian looked up and Mickey “What?”
 
 
“Yup! Me and you at my session. You’re part of my life now more than ever. And
I want you to be with me.” Mickey simply said
 
 
“Yeah? Yeah I think I can handle that.” Ian said sarcastically 
 
 
Mickey snorted “not like you have a fucking choice.”
 
 
“You know?” Ian said leaning on Mickey “I like how you think you can tell me
what to do now?”
 
 
Mickey looked over at Ian and smirk “That’s because I can!” Mickey said and
slaps Ian’s thighs and runs out of the bed into the sala.
 
 
Ian was behind him chasing him around the house. Both men were running around
the apartment acting silly. They didn’t hear the front door open and close as
someone was coming into the apartment. Ian tackled Mickey onto the recliner and
Mickey yelp out laughing. Mickey was laughing kissing Ian, and Ian was kissing
him.
 
 
Both Mickey and Ian had stopped wrestling and kissing, playing around when they
heard someone clear their throat and say “What the Fuck!”
Chapter End Notes
     FINALLY RIGHT! lol see I told you guys they would end up together.
     lol I had to reedit again thanks to Mary for pointing out something
     went wrong with the chapter so I hope you guys get to read it again
     and not get confused. I don't know how it double on it but I fixed
     it.
      
     So yeah they got together and yes I'm not the best at smut writing I
     did try thats what took me forever to be honest. I just don't know
     how to put into so much of words when it comes to smut writing but I
     hope i justified it as best as I can for you guys.
      
     So well I have about maybe 2 more chapters left or not. Im not sure.
     but this baby is almost done. so I thank you all and I love yah all.
     xoxoxoxo you guys let me know how you like this chapter. and i know
     your wondering who the hell just walked in Mickey's apartment? Well
     can you guys guess? I bet you won't guess who, but if you do guess
     right i'll tell yah lol
***** I’m free…I rather be me and be free *****
Chapter Notes
     OOOOOOOkay my beautiful people lol I haven't updated this in a while.
     I do apologies for that and I hope this makes up for it. Now again I
     have no beta so all mistakes are on me, and I do apologize. In
     addition writing smut is something I still feel like Im like i dont
     know not good at, but there some in this chapter. I also try to make
     this chapter funny and have some humor in it. I can tell yu this much
     that there should be about 2 more chapters left. Depending on how im
     viewing everything. I figured I give you guy some fluff and humor
     before shit gets real in the next chapter. Cant say and wont say.
     love you all really. For still reading this for being around and for
     your comments and kudos and subscriptions to this fic. This is my
     first fic and yeah you can say I'm trying to hold off on finishing
     it, but she has to finish soon. But not before I rile you guys up
     lol. again love your comments kudos and love. Please let me know what
     you think of this chapter.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Both men stopped doing what they were doing, when they heard someone clear
their throat and say “What the fuck?” Ian and Mickey both looked over at the
person that intruded their apartment. Ian got up and tried to cover himself
with a pillow since both men were naked running around the house. But Mickey
just got up and laughed before he spoke “What the fuck are you doing here? How
did you get in the apartment?” he asked
 
Iggy of course was still trying to not look at his brother junk and his
brothers well, he’s assuming him and Ian made up, so boyfriend? Yeah, he’ll go
with that till he asks Mickey. But yeah he was trying not to look at his
brother and his brother’s boyfriends junk. Not to say that he wasn’t excited
for his brother, but he really didn’t want to see them naked and fucking on the
sofa.  Iggy was covering his eyes with his hands as he spoke “Yeah well Mandy
gave me the passcode and you left your keys at her place. And since you decided
not to text anyone or call any of us to let us know you were at or have been at
for a few days now, I decided to try here. We’ve been looking for you! So I
thought maybe you would be here.” Iggy said. Iggy decided to open his eyes and
look at his brother but then closed them again quickly seeing as Mickey was
still standing naked in front of him.  “Could you please put some fucking
clothes on, I don’t want to see your dick Mickey!” Iggy said
 
 
Ian had already retreated to the room to put some sweat pants on, and when he
came out he gave Mickey a pair who seemed not to care if he was naked or not.
This was the confident Mickey that no one never really got to see. So it was
pretty amazed at how free Mickey was.
 
 
“Here babe put this on!” Ian said throwing the sweat pants at Mickey.
 
 
Mickey caught the pants and just shrugged while putting the on “What? It’s not
like he doesn’t have the same fucking thing.” Mickey said and then looked at
Iggy who had his eyes closed not facing his direction. “You can fucking open
your eyes dumb ass.” Mickey said to Iggy
 
 
Iggy sighs in relief and turns to look at his brother and Ian. He can tell he
interrupted some kind of sexual play, because both man were flushed and Mickey
and Ian had marks on their body. Well mostly Ian, it looked like Mickey must
have devoured him or something. That made Iggy smile.
 
 
“Soooooo.” Iggy started off to say “I’m assuming you guys are like…What
together? Like again officially Ian and Mickey kind of thing?” Iggy asked
playfully
 
 
Mickey looked at his brother like he really was stupid. “What the fuck do you
think Viggo.” Mickey said
 
 
Iggy laughed. “Fuck you! And don’t call me by my fucking name asshole! What the
fuck do you expect me to think? I have to make sure right?” Iggy said instead
of asking. “Besides... (Iggy said looking at Ian and then at Mickey) Judging
from the size of his dick, there was no way you were gonna pass up an
opportunity not have him fuck you.” Iggy said and that got him a pillow throw
at him.
 
 
“Fuck you Iggy!” Mickey said blushing. Ian was laughing while sitting on the
recliner now. Mickey turned to his laughing “stop fucking laughing you
asshole!” Mickey said smiling and punched Ian’s arm. He then looked back at
Iggy “What fucking makes you think he’s not the one taking it, you fucking
dick.” Mickey said to his brother with no heat behind his voice
 
 
“Hey!” Ian says looking at Mickey. Mickey shrugs his shoulders and looks at his
brother who is laughing.
 
 
“One because you’re slut.” Iggy simply said
 
 
“Fuck you! No I’m not” Mickey said defensively. He knew his brother was joking
but still.
 
“2, Because judging by Ian’s package…(Iggy gave his brother an assumed face and
smiled at him) yeah you definitely are taking it, because I know I would.” Iggy
said laughing
 
 
Mickey laughed “Who’s the slut now huh?” Mickey said smacking his brother over
the head
 
 
“You still are.” Iggy said and grabbed his brother and put him in a head lock
while he spoke to him “Nice of you to fucking tell us you were shacked up with
Ian you ass!” Iggy said and let his brother go “You had us worried. Mandy said
she called Debbie, and Debbie said you went by there, but you were upset. So we
tried to call you but nothing.” Iggy said and looked at him and smile “But now
I can see why.” Iggy said and was biting his tongue trying not to say what he
wanted to say.
 
 
Mickey on the other hand knew his brother “Say it!”
 
 
“Say what?” Iggy said looking at his brother innocently and the smiled at him
mischievously. “I got nothing say baby bro!”
 
 
Mickey looked at him and smirk “Bullshit! Say it Iggy!” Mickey said to him.
Meanwhile Ian was just sitting down looking back and forth at both Milkovich
brothers talking. It amused him and he was just smiling and chuckling.
 
 
Iggy shook his head and laughed then caved in “Okay fine….(he was silent for a
moment) So….did yah get your ass hammered in?” Iggy said laughing and Mickey
laughed. “Can you even sit down?” Iggy asked laughing then he tried to stop
when Mickey punched him in the arm. “okay, okay, okay, no but seriously…..did
you guy like…I don’t know make up and this is like official, official.” Iggy
said to his brother
 
 
Mickey smile was wide and he looked at Ian who was smiling just as brightly as
he was. “Yeah…we ah, we have a few things to talk about, but yeah.” Mickey said
shyly.
 
 
Ian stood up and walked over to Iggy “Yeah….so if you would like, you know you
can get going, while me and your brother continue to get reacquainted.” Ian
said leading Iggy out the door.
 
 
Iggy looked at his brother and Ian and shook his head “Okay, okay.” Iggy said
holding up his hands in surrender. He then dropped them and looked at both of
them and focused his look on his brother. Iggy couldn’t help but realize how
happy his brother actually look, and for the first time in a long time. He saw
his little brother smile and be happy. Iggy sighed and then looked at Ian and
said seriously to him. “Take care of my brother, or I will hunt you down and
kill you.” Iggy said to him strongly and then looked at his brother and smiled.
 
 
Ian understood why Iggy was being over protective of Mickey. Shit he would too
if he was him “I will, I always will.” Ian said to Iggy not missing the
approval look he gave in.
 
 
Before Iggy left, he told Mickey that Colt was looking for him and that he said
he was upset that he left, but also worried as well. Colt was looking for him,
and the fact that Mickey practically told him to get the fuck out. Mickey told
Iggy not to tell anyone where they were, and that he needed to be alone and
away from the world for a while. Iggy knew his brother needed to review
everything that happened and then deal with everything else. But if spending
time with Ian in his own bubble was what his brother needed, then he would give
it to him.
 
 
So now Ian and Mickey were lying in bed again from post sex. Mickey was like a
machine and Ian was wondering how the fuck could he keep going. “You know.”
Mickey said looking at Ian as he was smoking a blunt. “Sex is good…I mean…I for
one can keep going, but you’re like.” Mickey said motion to Ian’s tired self
“Fucked out.” Mickey said blowing the smoke away from Ian
 
 
Ian looked over at his boyfriend and sat up a little, leaning on his elbow “You
do know I’m a cop right?” Ian said to Mickey
 
 
Mickey nodded his head “Yeah so.” Mickey said carelessly; not giving a fuck and
then he thought about it! “Oh shit! I’m sorry babe!” He said and was trying to
hand Ian the blunt “You want some?” Mickey said to him smiling like the fucking
joker he was.
 
 
Ian could help but laugh at Mickey as Mickey was laughing and still smoking in
front of him “You don’t care do you.” Ian said
 
 
“Nooooope” Mickey said and inhaled a good amount in his mouth and went to Ian
and put his lips on his and exhaled the smoke into Ian’s mouth who gladly took
it. Shot gun was Mickey’s favorite thing to do. Mickey sat back and clipped the
blunt. He then went on to straddling Ian again. “You know?” Mickey said in a
seductive way. And leaned down to Ian’s ear and whispered in his ear “I love
fucking myself on you cock.” He said and bit Ian’s ear lope playfully “I love
it when I make you moan…(Mickey was now running his hands down on Ian’s chest
looking at him) and love it when you make me scream you name….over (he kissed
him on his neck) And over (kisses him on his cheek) and over (kisses Ian on the
mouth now; and then pulls slightly back hovering over his lips) and over
again.” Mickey smiles at Ian, and by now Ian knows that smile already.
 
 
Ian sits up and grabs Mickey by the ass pulling him near “Are you saying you
want me again?” Ian said in a playful tone
 
 
Mickey rolls his eyes at Ian but smirk, and without saying anything to Ian, he
leans over to him moving his hips up and sinks in down perfectly on Ian’s cock.
Both men moan out and Mickey kisses Ian again. Ian wonders how Mickey can have
so much energy, but then again this was Mickey we’re talking about. He’s a new
person, a different him that Ian loves even more, not to mention Mickey said he
hadn’t had sex in a while. Guess there making up for long time sack.
 
 
Mickey sat on Ian, and Ian places his hands on Mickey’s hips. He grabs them
more firmly as Mickey begins to move up and down on Ian at a decent speed. He’s
picking up his speed and is mumbling words as he goes. Ian goes and runs his
hands on Mickey’s chest as Ian sits up. Mickey continues to rock back and forth
on Ian. He mumbles the words out to Ian. “I’m gonna make feel good. I do all
the work.” He moans out and continued to ride Ian. His hips start to move more
erotic on Ian and the next thing Ian knows it, Mickey is grinding down hard on
Ian, rotating his hips over and over again.  He clenches himself around Ian and
as he does that he ends up hitting his prostate. His head falls back and he
continues to move rotating his hips over and over.
 
 
Ian grips Mickey’s hips more and starts to thrust up into him, making Mickey
cry out in pleasure. Mickey looks back down on Ian and takes Ian hands off his
hips and pins them above Ian’s head onto the bed. Mickey starts to move much
faster, making Ian’s cock go deeper and deeper inside of him as he rides him
harder and faster. Both Men are moaning each other’s names and Mickey started
to cry out “yes-yes fucking yes….ooooh FUCK!” With the sounds Mickey is making,
Ian can’t take it anymore. So he managers to flips Mickey around and pins his
hands over his head and thrust hard into. Making his lover cry out more, with
tears of joy and pleasure coming out of him “more….hmmm-fuck more baby, Fuck!”
Mickey moans out and Ian is giving it to Mickey just like he asks. He loves how
vocal in bed he is, and Mickey loves to let Ian know how he’s making him feel.
 
 
“Fuck….Mickey Ima come!” Ian says sounding wreck. He feels his stomach starting
to feel that sensation and warmth of pleasure building up.
 
 
Mickey tries and lifts his leg up higher so Ian can get a better access. His
eyes rolled back as Ian continues to pistol into him. More moaning and cries
were driving Ian insane. Finally Mickey grabbed a hold of Ian with his legs,
and locks on wrapping his arms around him. Mickey manages to flip Ian back onto
his back and starts to ride Ian cock hard as he is holding on to the bed frame,
going up and down on Ian. Ian then thrust up into Mickey and he grabs Mickeys
cock and starts pumping Mickey faster. “Ian……oh FUCK IAN- Ian come, come for me
please! Hmmmm, fuck! I’m gonna come!” Mickey says as he’s coming all over Ian’s
chest and at the same time, Ian was coming inside of him. Both men were still
trying to move, to ride out there orgasm. When they were done, they were
still.  Mickey looked down at Ian and smiled at him while leaning down to kiss
his exhausted but very handsome boyfriend.
 
 
After a while of just laying down next to each other and cuddling Mickey gets
up to go clean up. Ian wasn’t too far behind him. They took a long shower
together and for a while in the shower Ian just holds Mickey. Mickey leans to
Ian’s touch not wanting to move or anything, but stay under the water and be
held by Ian.  After the water decided to turn cold, both men existed out the
bathroom, deciding that they needed to eat something. Ian cooked and Mickey sat
back and watched him cook smiling at his boyfriend. He’s happy, he is very and
unconditionally happy and in love with this man.
 
                                    *******
 
After eating food and resting for a bit, Mickey left Ian in the kitchen while
he went to go clean up the room. He walked in his room and notice how much of a
mess they did in there. Clothes everywhere, bedsheets on the floor and somehow
the table lamp was on the floor. He laughed to himself and goes to clean up.
After he was done cleaning, he came back to find Ian in the sala sitting down
on the sofa looking at something. As Mickey was walking more towards the sofa,
he saw what Ian was looking at. It was a photo album, Ian was smiling at a
photo and he looked up when he notice Mickey was near him. “That’s you?” Ian
said pointing to the picture.
 
 
Mickey leaned over and nodded his head “Yeah….yeah that’s me and that’s Mandy,
and Collin right next to us. I think Iggy was taking the picture of us.” Mickey
said and sat right next to Ian.
 
 
Ian kept looking at the pictures and making fun of a younger Mickey as a kid.
Mickey flipped him off every chance he got. Ian stopped at one picture and
looked up at Mickey. “Is that her? Is that your mom?” Ian asked carefully
 
 
Mickey looked over at the picture and didn’t move or say anything for a moment.
He stood looking at the picture for a few more seconds and then he just nodded
his head. “Yeah……yeah that’s her.” He said sadly “She was beautiful” He simply
said smiling at the picture of his mom
 
 
Ian looked up at Mickey and then down back at the picture. He ran his hand over
it and then looked back up at Mickey who was now looking at him with glassy
eyes. “She was beautiful…you really do look a lot like her when you smile.” He
said and he wiped away a tear coming off of Mickey face. The subject of his
mother was a touchy one and Mickey didn’t like to talk about it. Even when he
was Nick, Ian tried to ask about his parents and that resulted in a fight that
Ian had no idea how it happened. And from the looks of it, Mickey didn’t want
to talk about her either.
 
 
There was silence in the room for a bit longer till Mickey broke it; he was
looking off at something as he started to speak. “You know…Collin says I act
just like her. He used to say that mom was always a fighter. She always had a
voice, and never let anyone walk all over her… Even when her and this asshole
use to fight…he use to say that she fought him back and that Terry was afraid
of her…He use to tell me that whenever I would play with my lip when I was
thinking or whenever I talked backed or glared at anyone; that-that, that was
our mom he saw in me.” He said and looked down at his hand “I never understood
what he meant…I never talked back or would get into fights and be bold or
whatever. But then that wasn't me…well it was but wasn’t me, me….It was Nick.
Nick was more like her….not me.” Mickey said lowly and sad like.
 
 
Ian moved towards him and wrapped his arms around him “But you are.” Ian said
and Mickey looked up at him. “You are her…Nick is you Mickey. Always remember
that. Now you’re bold, you talk back and don’t give a fuck what no one says.
You’re a fighter and always have been. ” Ian said to Mickey.
 
 
“I know, I know it’s just that.  Back then it was him, not me. I mean not…fuck
this is always fucking confusing when I try to explain it out loud.” Mickey
said
 
 
“I get it…I understand what you mean.” Ian says and gives Mickey a smile.
Mickey smiles back at Ian and kiss him.  Both their foreheads where leaned up
against each other and they were looking at one another. It was Ian who leaned
back and looked at Mickey more, who was now looking at the pictures in the
album.
 
 
Ian knew they had to talk about Colt and about them and everything more in
depth, but how do you bring up a subject such as that. How do you tell the man
that you are in love with that you want to know more about him……and that he has
to face his ex-fiancé somehow or someway?  Ian says fuck it and goes for it.
“You know we have to talk about it right Mick.” Ian says
 
 
Mickey knew what Ian was talking about and grunted. He sits up more on the sofa
and looks at Ian. “Do we have to now? Because I rather be doing you.” Mickey
said seductively and goes up and straddles Ian now on his lap.
 
 
However as temping as it is to go another round, Ian wasn’t having any of that.
“Oh No-no-no. We’re not doing that again.” Ian said
 
 
Mickey gave him a shocked face. “Not doing what?” Mickey said innocently.
 
 
Ian gave him a face. “You know you have to see Colt and speak to him right? We
have to talk about that.” Ian said to him
 
 
Mickey gave Ian a bitch face and mimic Ian’s voice in a childlike manner. “You
know you have to see colt and speak to him right” Mickey said and rolled his
eyes at Ian.
 
 
Ian gave Mickey a dry face expression look. “Really Mick? Really? You gonna go
there?” Ian said
 
 
Mickey looked at Ian and had a playfully innocent face and smirked at Ian. He
then sighed and got off of Ian taking the pillow from behind him and sat up
more against the sofa. Mickey bit his bottom lip and was playing with the
pillow from the sofa “Ian, come on man.” Mickey said not looking at Ian
 
 
Ian shook his head “No Mick. Come on we have to talk about Colt and you know
it.”
 
 
Mickey just shrugged his shoulders and looks at Ian. “I kinda don’t wanna Ian.”
 
 
Ian looks at his Mickey, and questioned it. “Why?” was all he asked.
 
 
Mickey sighed and didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, and then when
the silence was too much it was then that he spoke. “Because I kinda feel bad
Ian……As much as Colt is a dick…I don’t know, he planned this wedding and
everything and I got his hopes up. I kind of feel bad, but…plus (he sighed) I
don’t wanna talk about Colt.” Mickey said
 
 
Ian sensed something off with Mickey like he was about to shut down. So Ian
moved Mickey forward and sat behind him on the sofa holding him. “Babe? Babe
what wrong? Talk to me.” Ian simply said
 
 
Mickey just shrugged and then started talking “I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. I
remember everything and it was like I tried to push those memories away
but….Its fucked up I had no way out. Whenever me and him would fight, it
sometimes get physical and it sometimes got so fucked up. Fucking emotional
baggage…” And as Mickey spoke he remembered so much and so…he told Ian “You
know sometimes he use to tell me that I was nothing and that I was a selfish
piece of shit….Sometimes he would just down grade me and tell me that I should
be lucky to have him because of the way I was, no one would want me……You know,
one time that asshole said I was shitty fucking lay. (Mickey chuckled bitterly)
I think he just said that so he could try and control me or some shit.”
 
“I mostly did whatever he wanted and it never felt right…us going out, us
holding hands, or him kissing me it always felt wrong……and sometimes when we
fought I would black out and I never knew why……but now I know and it was
because I couldn’t take it.” There was silence in the room and Ian just held
Mickey tighter and Mickey held Ian tighter as he spoke again “He’s force
himself on me a few times…and those times I tried to fight back but was always
scared. Not Sometimes, but many times almost all the time I would black out
and….and then I would wake up either alone or next to him and naked. Never
knowing what happened, but now I know.” Mickey removed his hands he had on Ian
and wiped his face. Ian knew Mickey must have been crying silently because he
breathing hitched and he was breathing heavy.
 
 
“You don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to.” Ian said. He
voice was dark and he was pissed. Apart of him wonder if he would have never
met Nick, if none of this would have ever happened? Would Mickey still be with
Colt right now? He hopes not, but now he was with Ian and Ian would do anything
to protect the man he loves.
 
 
Mickey shook his head “Nah man….you’re right we need to talk about it.” Mickey
said. So he talked, and he talked for a while about Colt and how he was. There
was a few times he stopped and neither he nor Ian said anything, Ian would just
wait for Mickey to start up again. Once Mickey was done, he was exhausted
mentally all he wanted to do was sleep. So Ian leads him to the room and
together they lay in bed holding each other not saying a word. Ian started
talking about random shit so that made Mickey laugh, especially about shit he
did as a kid and how most likely when they go back to the house tomorrow how
Debbie was going to kick his ass. 
 
 
Mickey knew that he had to face Colt and talk to him, but right now all he
wanted to do was rest and sleep in the arms of the love of his life. Not pay
attention to the world outside or anyone or anything for that matter. Tomorrow
would be another day and so tomorrow he can deal with it, or how Ian would say
rather tomorrow they will deal with it.
 
                                     *****
 
The next day Ian got up from feeling Mickeys mouth wrapped around his cock.
Mickey was a fucking pro and Ian loved it, he felt Mickey playing with the head
of his cock and then Mickey’s finger was playing with his rim. If Mickey wanted
to top Ian that was fine with Ian, because right now the way Mickey was sucking
him off Ian would say yes to anything he asked. Mickey did just that as he
continues to suck off Ian, he presses one cold finger into Ian. Ian grasp for
air as it feels like the breath was taken out of him. Mickey is fingering Ian
as he sucked him off and when he deep throats him a few times adding a second
finger and pressing his fingers into Ian sweet spot. It sends Ian into a spiral
of pleasure cumming inside Mickey’s mouth without warning him. Mickey swallowed
him all and Ian dragged him up and kissed him hard. Mickey laughed into the
kiss and savours every bit of it.
 
 
When they were both up and ready to leave and have their day start, Mickey went
to his therapy session without Ian, because Ian had to go back to his job and
explain to his boss that he was not leaving as he planned on. Luck for him Ian
knew the paper work for active leave didn’t full go through yet. It took a
while, but at the time Ian didn’t want to stay in Chicago anymore. Anyways,
even though Ian wanted to go with Mickey to his appointment, Mickey told him to
go to work and make sure he fixed what he needed to fix. 
 
 
So now here was Mickey waiting to see Dr. Jimenez. They had been making a lot
of progress and now he was about to tell her just how much. Considering he was
supposed to be on his supposed on a month long honeymoon. He wasn’t, he was
here to see her.
 
 
“Mickey!? Wow! What a surprise to see you? I thought you would be away for like
another 2 in a half weeks.” Dr. Jimenez said. It had been one week and 3 days
since everything happened with Ian.
 
 
Mickey laughed and shook his head “No…no I was away in my apartment, but um no.
I ah…I didn’t get married to Colt. I ah… I sorta of kind of left him at the
reception rehearsal dinner. Not even at the alter like a classic bride would.”
Mickey jokingly said to her and in innocent tone.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez looked at him and gave him a curious facial expression. “Kind of
sort of how Mickey?” She asked. Now wondering what was going on in her clients
mind, and what happened to him? Since the wedding was supposed to happen over a
week and a half ago.
 
 
Mickey was playing with his lip and thinking of how to tell his Doctor that
‘hey so I left that asshole and went with my heart’ that shit sounded like a
cliché. “I couldn’t marry someone I wasn’t in love with……so I went to find the
person I was in love with.” Mickey simply told her.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez nodded her head and raised her eyebrows up at Mickey “Well…tell me.
What happened? Did you find Ian?” She said and smiled at Mickey
 
 
Mickey smiled back at her. “How did you know it was Ian?” Mickey asked her.
 
 
“Because the way you always look at him; and because the way he always looks at
you. Not to mention this whole wedding thing would have made you miserable.”
She simple said to him.
 
 
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mickey asked Dr. Jimenez
 
 
She shook her head at him “That wasn’t my job or place to tell you who you
should love and be with……Look Mickey. My job is to help you (She said and
pointed at him) figure out what you want in life. My job is to help you move on
and deal with the past and help you along the way in the future. My job is to
be here for you when you need someone to talk to, to help you deal with the
pain and grief of what you have faced. Not to tell you, who you should and
shouldn’t be with. I’m here to help guide you and help you heal as much you
will let me.” Dr. Jimenez told him.
 
 
Mickey looked at her for a moment and just nodded his head. “Yeah but if you
knew that being with Colt would have given me grief and pain why didn’t say
anything?” He asked her
 
 
She simply looked at him and gave him a ‘oh really face’ “You of all people
know how stubborn you are Mickey. If I would have said something, you probably
would have pushed me away like you did Collin and Mandy… Remember when you told
me that they came to you and talked to you about how you were miserable with
Colt.” Mickey nodded his head and she continued to talk. “You would have pushed
me away like you did with them. Plus I’m a professional. My opinion about who
you should love is not one you need, but one you simply needed to see for
yourself.” She said and smiled at him. “and judging by that” She pointed to his
neck where there was a nice mark that Ian had left on him last night when they
were making love. “I can see that you have.”
 
 
Mickey laughed and blushed “Yeah…um we did a lot of making up and talking….I
ah. I talk to him about Colt and” Mickey said but didn’t continued
 
 
“And what Mickey?” She asked. She knew about Colt and knew she was pushing, but
she needed him to face it without being ashamed. Because apart of Mickey was
ashamed of himself.
 
 
“I know I have to talk to Colt… but I kind of just want him gone. Like a
fucking bug I rather just fucking squash him and be done with him.” Mickey said
angrily now. After last night’s talk with Ian. Mickeys feelings for sympathy
for Colt were gone and now he was just angry.
 
 
“I sense some angry.” Dr. Jimenez said
 
 
Mickey huffed “You have no idea…it’s like I was holding it in for no fucking
reason at all. But now it’s like….like I’m free and I don’t have to be this
fucking quiet closed off guy that needs to please everyone….If anything I have
to fucking be me and now give a fuck if that asshole or anyone else likes it or
not because there not me. I’m me and I rather be free and I rather be
me…Mickey!” Mickey tells to her.
 
 
Dr. Jimenez smiled at him and nodded her head “And that you should be Mickey.
That you should”
 
                                     *****
 
After his appointment with Dr. Jimenez, Mickey text and called Mandy; they
talked for a bit. He told her he was fine and that he was with Ian finally.
Mandy squealed over the phone when she heard the news, hurting Mickey’s ears.
But right after she started to curse him out. She told him how she was worried
about him. He apologized the only way he knew how to “bitch please okay. I said
it won’t happen again…next time I’ll send yah ass a fucking post card.” He then
called Collin and they talked for a bit as well. His big brother was just happy
to hear from him. After being on the phone with Collin for a while he hung up,
he text his siblings that he would be going to the shop to work on the car
after hours, and to not worry if the alarm went off that it would be him at the
shop.
 
 
Ian was still at work working so Mickey text Ian telling him to meet him at the
shop, that he would be there today after hours. Ian replies instantly and gives
Mickey an emoji happy face with a kiss. Fucking dork Mickey thought to himself,
but he loves it.
 
                                   ********
Mickey was working under the car making sure the oil was changed. He had on
only a white wife beater tank top that was covered in oil and grease and his
blue work jeans. Mickey didn’t hear anyone enter the garage, Ian was walking
inside. He instantly spotted his boyfriend working under the car, he decided to
stand there and admire him work. After a few minutes of just looking at Mickey
from across the room; Ian walks further inside of the garage. Mickey could hear
someone was inside, he knew Ian was coming over to work after he got out, but
Ian didn’t say what time he would be there. So Mickey looks to the side of
where the sound was coming from and saw Ian’s work boots from under the car. He
smiled to himself and rolls out from under the car. Mickey still has that same
smile still on his face as he looks up at Ian who was now looking down at him
smiling from ear to ear.
 
 
Mickey sat up and looks up at Ian giving him a mischievous smile. “Sorry
officer….we’re ah…we’re kind of close.”
 
 
“Oh is that so” Ian said playfully and going along with whatever Mickey is
doing. “Well in that case.” Ian said and helps Mickey stand up, when Mickey
reaches up for his hand to help pull him up. “Maybe I can persuade you
somehow?” Ian licked his lips “To you know…help me out?” Ian said while smiling
at Mickey. Ian moves closer to Mickey until he has Mickey leaning up against
the car that Mickey was working on.
 
 
“Hmmmm” Mickey makes a sound and looks into those beautiful green eyes. He
smiles at Ian. “I don’t know officer…but boyfriend might get jealous you
know…he’s a cop, and ah ex-marine.” Mickey said lowly brushing his lips across
Ian’s.
 
 
Ian then grabbed Mickey by his hips and lifted him up on the car hood “Oh don’t
worry about that baby.” Ian said and kissed Mickey hard. The kiss was
passionate and loving, both men fought for dominance, but Mickey let Ian take
control. Mickey grabbed Ian to come closer to him as they kissed and Ian moaned
when Mickey squeezed his ass.
 
 
When they broke the kiss, both men were panting and looking at each other with
hungry. “The shop is closed…no ones here but me and you.” Mickey said and
tugged Ian’s shirt and kissed him hard. This time taking control and biting his
lips. Mickey was glad that the car he was working on was his owns. He was able
to bless the outside of the car. Him and Ian fucked on top if the hood of the
car like teenager and no he did not regret it….he did however forgot that the
security camera was on in the garage and well….yeah it caught everything.
 
                                     *****
 
The next day all the Milkovich siblings went to work. Mandy was in the office
with Iggy going over paper work and numbers. Mickey and Collin were in the shop
working on a few cars. It was Iggy who got an email from the alarm company
saying someone was in the building last night, but that the security code was
used. Iggy looked at the emailed weirdly so he decided to look at the cameras
from last night. He knows Mickey said he came in last night; so Iggy just hoped
that Mickey locked up before he left last night at least.
 
 
Iggy pulls up the camera video feed and just sees Mickey working under the car.
Nothing wrong with that, then he see Ian coming inside……and then…oooooh. Iggy
is blushing while he’s looking at the camera and then he slams the laptop shut!
He looks up at Mandy with a smile. Mandy looks at him weird and goes back to
her work. She also got an email from the security company and then “Hey Iggy,
bring me the laptop so I can open up the camera feed.” She said
 
 
Iggy looks up at her “Why?” he tells her
 
Mandy looks at him and give him a weird look. “Because one I said so and two I
got a n email from the security company about someone being here after hours so
I want to fucking check it out.” She said and walks over to Iggy’s desk and is
about to take the computer when Iggy takes it and holds in his grasp
 
“Ummm…yeah well you know what? I got the same email, and I checked and nothing.
So you can go back to work. Plus remember Mickey said he was here last night.”
Iggy said casually yet suspiciously
 
Mandy squints her eyes at him and tilts her head. “Well if it’s nothing then I
can check for myself big brother (she then got up from her desk and walked
towards his desk) you know, to make sure you didn’t miss anything? And to make
sure Mickey locked up after he left.” She said and while Iggy was going to say
something to her, she grabs the laptop from his desk and moves to the corner of
the office desk, where Collin used to sit at before they expanded and he had
his own office.
 
 
When Mandy opened up the laptop she was shocked to see her little brother and
Ian, and well…they were going at it pretty hard and fast on the car. Mandy
instantly blushes and turns red. She looks at Iggy. “You were watching are
brother have sex!”
 
 
“What the fuck? No! No I wasn’t okay!” Iggy shouted out in defense.
 
 
Mandy pursed her lips up and raised her eye brows up at him. “Huh, sure okay?
You just wanted to see I bet! So why is it that I couldn’t check the cameras
myself but yet you can and this is what you find?” she said to him.
 
 
“Because I didn’t want you gouge your eyes out from seeing what I saw.” Iggy
said instantly to Mandy.
 
 
And Mandy gave him a face, just then Collin walks in. “Hey!”
 
 
Both Mandy and Iggy turned to look at him “Hey!” they said in unison and Mandy
closed the laptop and places it on Iggy’s desk giving him a look.
 
 
Collin looks at his sibling and knows he just walked in on something but
chooses to ignore it. He goes to his old desk to look for something not really
paying attention to his brother and sister. Mandy and Iggy were talking lowly
to each other. Collin then hears a small moaning sound; he looks around his
desk to see what it was. It was coming from the laptop on Iggy’s desk. So he
turns around to his little brothers work desk and goes to it and opens it.
“What the fuck!” Collin yells out and looks up at Iggy and Mandy who were now
looking at him with their mouth open ready to say something.
 
 
Just then, Mickey walks in the office and all eyes were on him. “What?” Mickey
said looking at his siblings “Fuck yah looking at me for like that?” Mickey
said somewhat annoyed.
 
 
“Mickey” Collin said
 
 
“Yeah?” Mickey answered
 
 
“Ummm so what did you do yesterday? Like in here at the shop” Collin asked
 
 
“I worked on my car and then I worked on another car for a fucking customer
that was bitching yesterday about some shit.” Mickey said
 
 
“Yeah?” Iggy now said
 
 
Mickey gave him a bitch face. “Yeah? Why? What the fuck the problem? She came
in yesterday; bitch got her shit this morning when we opened up.” Mickey simply
said and then went to grab a bottle of water from the office refrigerator
 
 
Mandy grinned and looked at Mickey. She crossed her arms over her chest before
she speaks to him. “Is that all you did Mick? Like really did?” She said while
laughing
 
 
Mickey looked up at siblings “Yeah” He said slowly “why are you asking me
stupid fucking question for? You know I was here last night working late. Ian
wasn’t going to home till late.” Mickey said
 
 
“Oh we know” Collin said “We got like a full front view of knowing.” Collin
said and turned the laptop around showing his little brother on camera.
 
 
Mickey spit up the water he was drinking now and went to grab the lap top from
Collin, but Collin got up and ran to the other side of the desk. “No, no way
man. This is like good fucking black mail material here.” Collin said laughing
 
 
“Fuck you, give me the laptop.” Mickey said. Meanwhile Mandy and Iggy were
laughing “Yah bitches are gonna stand there and laugh and not help?”
 
 
“Why should we? You got caught fucking on top of one of the cars!” Mandy said
 
 
“Oh fuck you! Not like you haven’t done it either bitch” Mickey said
 
 
“Mickey!” Mandy looked at him
 
 
“What!” Mickey simply said
 
 
“Oh okay. I see how it is. You get caught, so now you have to rat on me
asshole” Mandy said
 
 
“No-ones ratting on you bitch, you just ratted on yourself.” Mickey said and
Mandy stood quiet while her brothers laugh. Mickey turns to Collin and spoke to
him as well. “I don’t know why you’re laughing? When you bought this place you
and Leah blessed the shit out of this shop. Including where Mandy sits at.”
Mickey said
 
 
Collin stopped laughing and turned red “Asshole” Collin said and at the same
time as Mandy said “Eww what the fuck!”
 
 
Mickey laughed and so did his brothers and sister. “well shit…I guess we all
fucking devirginised this fucking place.” Iggy said and everyone nodded their
heads.
 
 
Everything was good until Mickey got a text from Colt and then stopped
laughing. Mandy noticed Mickey mood changed instantly “What’s up Mick?” Mandy
said
 
 
Mickey looked at his sister and then his brothers and back at Mandy. “It’s
Colt….he ah…he’s here. He just text me saying he’s outside my office and
waiting to talk.” Mickey said.
 
 
Mickey didn’t want to speak to Colt just yet, but knew he had to. It had been a
couple of weeks since everything happened. It was all still fresh and he didn’t
want to ruin his moment of bliss, just yet. But he knew he had to kill bug that
lingered around and let Colt know, that he was done. I mean not finishing up
the reception and not even having the wedding should have given the other man
the message, but he still needed an explanation. Mickey needed to tell Colt
that he was beyond done, with them with the wedding or what would have been a
wedding, should have never happened in the first place.
 
 
So now here was Mickey, and he was prepared to go out to his office to talk to
the man he used to have some what of feelings for. The man he used to sleep
with…the man that he use to think would be the only one he could get or have.
He had to go to Colt, and tell him he couldn’t be with him anymore. No one
wants to do that, but it wouldn’t be fair to him or Colt to live a lie.
Especially because Mickey didn’t love him, and because he loves someone else,
he loves Ian.  However it was Mickey’s idea for Colt and him to meet up and
talk at first. Mickey texted Colt that morning telling and apologizing for
going M.I.A on him, and leaving without saying a word. He told him that it was
best for them to meet up and speak face to face. Colt was eagerly to apply to
Mickey. It’s just that Mickey didn’t expect for Colt to show up at his job, and
not now at least.
 
 
Mandy walked up to her brother and puts her arm over his shoulder. “You ready…
I mean you have to speak to him. Either way we got your back.” She said to
Mickey.
 
 
Mickey looks down at the chain that he’s wearing around his neck. It still had
his wedding ring on it, the wedding ring him and Ian shared. He then looks back
up at his siblings; at his Mandy, at his Iggy and his Collin. There were his
family, and he knew they would be there for him. So, Yup! He was ready. He
needed to let Colt know that he was done being his tool, being that guy that
just listens to whatever his boyfriend said and told him to do, just to please
him. Mickey was done pleasing every one; he was done not being free and true to
himself. Mickey was done with the abuse, and for years he dealt with it. Even
if he couldn’t remember it all at one point of his life what he went through;
he remembered it all now, and now he wants and needs to be free.
 
 
Mickey nods his head yes at his sister. “Yeah…fucking yeah I’m ready…I need to
be free again…I need to Mickey fucking Milkovich.” He said with a smile.
 
 
And with that Mickey walked out of the office and went towards his office. He
knew this was going to be one hell of a conversation, a fight even. He expected
the worse, and nothing less from it. And yeah it was going to be the worse.
 
                                    *******
 
When Mickey gets to his office, Colt is outside the door. Colt turns around and
sees Mickey for the first time in weeks, and Colt can tell something is
different about him. When Mickey walks up to Colt, he can tell Colt is angry,
upset, and probably concerned for him, but then again he doesn’t know nor does
he care really at this moment what Colt is feeling.
 
 
“Hey” Mickey said. In return Colt said “Hey” right back
 
 
They both walk into Mickeys office, Mickey goes around his desk and has his
back turned to Colt. Colt is just standing there looking around the office
before he decides to speak. “So…you got something you wanna tell me or what?”
Colt said to Mickey bitterly. Mickey didn’t get a chance to respond because
Colt continued on talking. “Because for days Mickey! Days! No, not even days
Mick! Fucking 2 weeks! I called, I text, I fucking asked your brothers and
sister where the fuck were you and nothing! NOTHING! You left me there at our
dinner rehearsal, with all our guest asking me where you were! Not to fucking
mention I had to tell them that we had to cancel the fucking wedding because
something came up. And do you know how fucking embarrassing that was?” Colt
said furiously.
 
 
Mickey sighed but didn’t speak. He simply went into his pocket, pulled out the
ring that Colt had given him, and placed it on his desk, pushing it towards
Colt. Colt looked at the ring then back at Mickey. And Mickey could swear that
he’d never seen Colt so sad and heartbroken before. No one spoke for a few
minutes; Colt grabs the ring a little while after and there’s still a silence
in the room. He looks at it a bit more, than he looks back at Mickey before he
spoke. “So what?.... You get cold feet or what? .....You’re gonna fucking give
me back my ring and not give me an explanation as to why!?” Colt said with so
much heat behind his voice. “You think you can just walk out on me and not
fucking explain!” Colt yells. “Explain Mickey! What the fuck!?” Colt shouted
even more louder now at Mickey.
 
 
Mickey simply looks at Colt, his face was unreadable. Not even Colt can imagine
what Mickey was thinking at this moment. Mickey looks down at his desk and
sighed loudly again before he spoke. “If I tell you why……maybe just maybe you
might not get it, but then again I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt
and say you will.” Mickey said to Colt without blinking an eye.
 
 
Colt waved his hands in the air and waits for Mickey to talk. “I can’t marry
you because I don’t love you. I’ve never loved you……I can’t marry you Colt
because I’m in love with someone else. I can’t marry you because I’m not me
when I’m with you. I’m not Mickey and I’m not happy! I want to be happy, and
I’m not with you. I don’t wanna have to change and be something I’m not just
for you. That’s not love, shit I’m not even sure what love is; but I’m gonna
fucking learn it. I’m gonna learn it with someone I can see waking up to every
morning and going to bed with every night….Someone who I know won’t fucking
hurt me or use my past against me.” Mickey said looking at Colt in his eyes
 
 
Colt was shaking his head “You’re a fucking unbelievable piece of shit you know
that?” Colt said angrily. “What am I supposed to tell my parents and everyone?”
Colt said still hurt, shocked and upset all at once. “I love you, I have for so
long and now it’s the time you want to fucking tell me you don’t want to be
with me! And that you’re in love with someone else!” Colt shouted
 
 
Mickey sighed again loudly and shrugged his shoulders. “It was there the whole
time man….it was you who didn’t want to see and me who didn’t want to
acknowledge it….and I’m sorry I am.” Mickey said and sat on his desk now “But
I’m not marrying you and I don’t love you.” Mickey simple said to him “I want
to be free….with you I’m not and never will be.” Mickey said
 
 
Colt looked at Mickey with murder in his eyes “Fuck you Mickey! You know what
Fuck you. Ever since you became this new fucking person, all you did was change
and fucking kick me out of your life like was nothing! So you know what fuck
you!”
 
 
Mickey looked at Colt and before he could respond Colt punched him in the face.
Mickey retaliated and punched him back. Both Men fought and it only ended when
Collin, Iggy, and surprisingly Ian broke up the fight. Ian and Iggy holding
Mickey back and Collin holding Colt back pushing him out of the office; Colt
looked at Ian and then at Mickey. He nodded his head and gave Ian a look that
would have made a normal person get chills down his back, but not Ian. Ian
looked at him like he was nothing and directed his attention to Mickey who had
a busted lip.
 
 
After everyone was calm and Colt left, Ian and Mickey were left alone in the
office by themselves. “So I’m guessing he took the news badly huh?” Ian said
putting some ice on Mickey’s head where a bump was forming.
 
 
Mickey chuckled a little “Yeah well, I think I handled it better than I really
wanted to.” Mickey said to him
 
 
“Oh yeah and how did you want to handle it?” Ian asked
 
 
Mickey looked up at his boyfriend and smiled “Well…I wanted to take his fucking
head and bash up against the wall, and break his fucking mouth so he wouldn’t
talk anymore…but I was a good boy and kept my mouth shut.” Mickey said while
leaning back against his chair now.
 
 
Ian hummed and looked at Mickey. “You know that’s assault right?” Ian said
flirtatiously to him. “I would have to arrest you?” Ian said smiling at Mickey.
 
 
Mickey put down the ice pack he had on his head and smiles at Ian. He bit his
bottom lip. “Yeah well, I know this hot guy who could get me off.” Mickey said
and now went to play with Ian’s hands “He’s like in love with me, so he would
do anything for me. Just like I would do anything for him.”
 
 
“Oh yeah?” Ian said raising his eye brows. “I bet he would.” He said smiling at
Mickey, but then he got serious. “You should have let me fucking arrest him. He
assaulted you first. He’s lucky I wasn’t fucking here when it all started.” Ian
said
 
 
Mickey shook his head “Nah, its fine. He’s just mad I broke up with him, and
he’s mad I’m not his, but yours.” Mickey said to him. “Plus...Ian Gallagher.”
Mickey said and Ian looked up at him. “He knows he ain’t got shit on you.
Nothing! Not a god damn thing. You got the looks, the charm, the height, the
body, the personality, the package.” Mickey said laughing and breathed out
looking at Ian. “He knows you have more heart than he could ever have….he knows
you have my heart and-and that something he can never have Red.” Mickey said to
Ian with smile.
 
 
And with that Ian’s heart skipped a beat. Mickey is the most beautiful person
he has ever met in his entire life….and god does he want to spend the rest of
his life with him. He hopes Mickey does to. In fact, Ian thinks and knows he
does for sure, he just Mickey does to as well. “Yeah…yeah I guess so.” Ian said
to Mickey “I love you.”
 
 
Mickey blushed and smiled “I love you too.”
 
                                     *****
A few days past after the whole fight with Colt; Mickey was okay. He and Ian
were okay. Going back to the Gallagher house well, let’s just say Debbie had a
mean right hook, and Mickey was so beyond happy that he didn’t meet the end of
that. Debbie was mad at Ian for all but 5 seconds and then everything was fine.
That was until…
 
 
“So, Fiona wants to have like a family dinner tonight.” Ian said as he’s
looking up from his phone and directing the comment to Debbie and Mickey.
 
 
Mickey shrugged his shoulders not caring, but it was Debbie who made a face and
rolled her eyes. “What the fuck for? Doesn’t she have her own life and her own
house to cook dinner and shit.” Debbie said annoyingly
 
 
“This is still her house too Debs.” Ian simply said. “Besides. It’ll be nice to
see Carl and Liam; and Lip said he’s coming over to.” Ian told her.
 
 
“Whatever. As long as Mickey can stay and keep my grounded I have no problem.
But if you two bitches think for one second you’re gonna go off and fuck or do
whatever the fuck it is you do, and leave me here with her. You have another
thing coming. I will hunt you down and pour hot liquid water on your asses then
add battery acid to the mix.” Debbie said as she went over to the sink to put
her dishes in.
 
“You really have been hanging around my sister way too much, haven’t your
freckles.” Mickey said to Debbie more than asking her.
 
Debbie looked at Mickey and Ian. “Think I won’t do it and see what happens.”
Debbie continues on saying “I will shank one of you fuckers! I’m not being left
alone with her.”
 
 
“Why the fuck am I getting threaten for? If anything your bitch of a sister
doesn’t like me! Which gives me more of a reason to stay around and fucking
annoy her!” Mickey said with a smirk, giving Debbie that duh look.
 
 
Ian looked at Mickey and Debbie and rolled his eyes. Yeah this was going to be
an interesting dinner to say the least.
 
Chapter End Notes
     So I wonder how that Gallagher dinner is going to be huh? well yah
     have to come back and see. Also prepare for shock xoxoxoxoxo
***** Lost Boy *****
Chapter Notes
     I finished updating and editing. give me a few more weeks for chapter
     34 to come out . hope you all are still with me. and Im working on
     the next chapter for Life Unexpected as well.
      
     Hiiiiiiiiiiii Everyone So you know I didn't leave this story behind
     right. It was simple writers block along with school work. BUt I'm
     back guys lol This is my baby right here I could not leave this story
     untold and unfinished lol. So with you further ado Here's chapter 33
     guys. Again I have not Beta so please be kind. All mistake are mine
     so I apologize for error and stuff. I will go back and eventually
     edit, but in due time. Also none of the song I have in my story are
     owned by me. This was somewhat of a filler chapter that leads to
     something bigger if you will say.
     Love your comments and kudos and the bookmarks and subscription to
     the fic. You guys are awesome xoxoxoxox
     Leave me your comments guys you know I love to read them and will
     respond. I appreciate you guys still reading by the way. Just wanted
     to let you all know that.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Mickey was in the room looking at himself in the mirror. He looks……well he
looks different. No earring in his right ear, no spiky hair, no black V-neck t-
shirt or his jeans with his boots. Nope! He’s wearing a fucking light blue
button-up shirt with fucking khakis…Who the fuck wears these shits anyways. He
feels completely uncomfortable, but he wants to meet Ian’s siblings as him and
not as Nick like it was before. Not to mention that Ian said that he sort of
mentioned to his other siblings that Mickey was Nick. That Mickey's nickname
was Nick. Ian wasn’t really trying to explain much, just said that he was sick,
but that he was okay. And yeah that started an argument between them because
Mickey felt that; that was no one’s business but his own. But Ian figured it
would be okay since they only knew him as Nick and not as Mickey. So he didn’t
want them to be confused, but it was confusing.
 
 
The argument was stupid to the both of them none the less, but Mickey still
felt it was his right to give Ian the okay to tell anyone about his mental
disorder. Either way, both men apologized, Ian apologized for mentioning it to
Fiona, Lip and the rest of his siblings that Mickey was slightly sick. Except
for Debbie, who of course knew about Mickey; while Mickey had apologized for
punching Ian in the face and giving him a black and blue?
 
 
So, right now at this moment as he’s looking at himself in the mirror; Mickey
can see himself and it’s not a sight he’s comfortable with. He’s looking at a
different person and he feels like he’s going to puke. This wasn’t his thought,
this was for Ian… he wanted to make a good impression. He remembered everything
that Nick did and said to Ian’s family, and well? Let’s just say Mickey wanted
to have a good relationship with Ian and his siblings; they were his family.
Maybe one day they will be Mickeys’ family too…maybe…one day right? No, right
now that was too soon to think about. He and Ian did get the divorce finalized
but now they’re together again; but as boyfriend and boyfriend, starting from
the beginning. They’re making a fresh start with one another and nothing more.
Even though Mickey kind of wished they were more at this moment, but that
wasn’t for him to think about now. Therapy was going well; he broke up with his
ex-douchebag of a boyfriend and had started going back to work, which felt good
to do again. Great in fact; plus being with Ian made shit even 10 times, way
better than anything. So now looking at himself in the mirror, Mickey was
wondering to himself ‘what the fuck.’  Looking at himself again Mickey shook
his head “Fucking hate this shit man.” Mickey mumbled to himself as he
unbuttons his shirt and goes to look for something else. All he really had to
ware where t-shirts a few dress shirts, but he didn’t like wearing the dressy
shirts unless he fucking had to.
 
 
Just as he is mentally racking his brain about what to wear, Ian walks in the
room. He looks at Mickey and gives him a confused look. “What’s wrong? And what
are you wearing? You look like some uptight prick.” Ian said as he points at
Mickey's pants. “Plus those pants make your ass look like you have none.” Ian
continued on saying to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey turned around and gives Ian a look. “Fuck you okay. This is the only
nice thing I fucking have here! All my suits and shit are at my apartment, but
I kind of don’t like wearing them unless I have to. Like when Collin is out of
town and Mandy makes me go to like the business meetings and shit.” Mickey said
 
 
Ian gives Mickey a small smile while shaking his head at him as he walks more
in the room. “Mickey you have nice shit here. Just wear your t-shirt and jeans.
Nothing fancy tonight. There just my siblings” Ian simply says
 
 
Mickey sighs; he looks up at Ian and shakes his head. Mickey points to himself
as he speaks. “Yeah, your siblings who met a different part of me, Ian. (He
then point to Ian) You know me? Like the real me, the me now. (Mickey then
points to himself at the same time)….besides I want to get to know them and
have a feel for them, not just go by what I already feel.” Mickey said to Ian
as he turns to look at himself in the mirror again.
 
 
Ian gives Mickey a confused look again at what he just said. But then it hit
him, he did understand what he meant. While Nick was still around, he had a
very loud opinion on his siblings. Mostly on Fiona seeing as they didn’t like
each other. Lip was okay, Liam was Liam, Carl was well he looked like he was
going through his teenage rebelliousness and was being a brat. So Ian
understood what he meant by him “wanting to get a feel for them” and not rely
on what he already felt and known with the experience he had with them already.
“Babe…look, just be you. Be the rough, loud talking, not give a shit, punk ass
mother fucker I fell in love with. Be that nice guy that I love who hides it….
That caring one, the one who’s interested in so much, who loves music, loves to
draw, loves to work on old things and fix them up…..That guy who loves me…” Ian
said smiling at Mickey through the mirror. Mickey’s looking at Ian and smiles
back at him as Ian continues talking. “Okay so just be you. Take off that
fucking shirt, (Ian walks to their closet and grabs a shirt from inside. He
flings it at Mickey who catches it) put something like that on.” Ian then turns
back into the closet. “Put on some better fucking pants than that shit you have
on,” Ian said while tossing Mickey his black Tripp jeans.
 
 
“Put on your earring, because you fucking look hot in it, put eyeliner if you
want or whatever the fuck you want and fix your hair. Or whatever you’re
comfortable with, but be you okay? Plus I like bad boys….be the bad ass, trash-
talking piece of shit I fell for and love, or be this…I honestly don’t care, as
long as you’re you.” Ian said in a whisper and step closer to Mickey “but
please, please do something better with this hair that is slicked back” Ian
then put his hands in Mickey's hair and messes it up.
 
 
And all the while Mickey was just smiling at Ian as he did it “Just be you? ...
Fuck what the world or anyone has to say. You’re not here to empress them.
You’re here because you’re family, and my boyfriend.” Ian said to him
seriously.
 
 
Mickey rolled his eyes “You know” Mickey begins to say and smiles. “I love it
when you take charge…makes me feel all special and shit.” Mickey says and
laughs to himself.
 
 
Ian steps back and looks at Mickey seriously “Hey Mick?”
 
 
Mickey looks up at him. “Yeah?”
 
 
“Do you remember the first time I ever saw you? I mean, did I ever tell you
when it was the very first time I ever saw you?” Ian said to him crossing his
arm over his chest and leans back against their bedroom wall.
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian and nods his head slowly. “Yeah. Ah, yeah…you were at the
bar. I was getting off a shift. I came up to you because I saw you at the bar
and I wanted to get laid that night.” Mickey says as he dunks his head slightly
blushing and looks away.
 
 
Ian smiles and remembers that night “Actually no.” Ian said. Mickey looks up at
Ian and gives him a confused look as he frowns and tilted his head to the side.
Ian will always love how Mickey makes that action look so cute and innocent
when he does that.
 
 
“What?” Mickey said looking at Ian “What you mean no?”
 
 
Ian smiled at Mickey and was blushing. “That baby was the first time we talked
and met...but not the first time I saw you,” Ian said to Mickey
 
 
Mickey raised up his eyes brows at Ian. “So the second time you saw me, was
that night I went up to you?” Mickey asked
 
 
Ian laughed at Mickey's confused yet cute expression. “Yeah. And you had no
idea that before that, I saw you dancing, and that I had already had my eye on
you.” Ian said smiling at Mickey.
 
 
“Okay, dumb ass so tell me? When was the first time you saw me then? Why didn’t
you come up to me if you wanted me, better yet? How is this relevant Ian?”
Mickey said slightly annoyed.
 
 
Ian shook his head and smiled as he started to talk. “The first time I saw you
(Ian put one finger up) it was about 3 days before you came up to me……See I was
at the bar having a drink, and like that night you saw me and came up to me. I
did want to get away and drown myself away, just whatever you know. Missing
Adam was hard and I just wanted to get laid, get lost and…but the thing is the
first time I saw you?  Man.” Ian said breathless, smiling as he was remembering
all over again. He stood up and leaned against the dresser in the room looking
at Mickey while he spoke again. “You were on stage. And you were wearing your
black short and moving to the sound of the music.” Ian closed his eyes and
smiled at the memory as he recalls it and tells Mickey. “You were on that
stage, and you were dancing like no one was watching. When the music starting
getting more louder and more aggressive, you raised your arms up in the air,
put them in your head and moved your hips. Your eyes were closed and you were
so into the song…and I could have sworn you were laughing on stage when you
were up there. When you opened your eyes…I saw your eyes.” Ian opens his eyes
and looks at Mickey. Mickey was looking directly at Ian, slightly shocked but
was giving Ian a small smile. “You were so beautiful up there…you didn’t care
to give a fuck who was looking at you. Because you were being you Mick; the way
the light hit your face and your eyes… it was like you were so alive and free…”
Ian said as he pushes himself off the dresser and walks up to Mickey. “You, you
smiled at the attention you were being given and you loved it……That same smile
you had that night, that was the same one you had when we were at the pier.
That same smile you gave him and have given me ever since then. That was the
same smiled you gave me when I kissed you for the first time you told me you
love me.” Ian said and the room was even more silent.
 
 
SO he continued on talking. “You’ve had it every day since. When you wake up
next to me, when we have sex (Ian said jokingly and Mickey punched in the arm),
or when you do something, like when you listen to music and play it. Or when
you tell me about the cars you fixed up and how much you love a challenge when
you fix them, or when you’re around your siblings and when you talk about your
niece……or when you look at me and say something stupid or funny, because you’re
you, Mick. So be you tonight, be Mickey and no one else. That sweet guy who yet
doesn’t gives a fuck kind of attitude guy I love. If you want to hide behind a
mask then fine, but then I would be disappointed because I want them to love
you like I do. For the real you, and not something that not” Ian says as he
points to Mickey’s clothes he was wearing “this, this is not you” Ian said.
“Not something that’s fake and not you.”
 
 
The way Mickey was looking at Ian now; was as if he was looking at him not for
the first time. He was looking at him with so much love and amazement that
words couldn’t describe what he was feeling right now. Mickey remembers that
night Ian was talking about. Nick was so high and drunk off his ass, that all
he wanted to do was dance all night and forget about that world. He had had a
bad day earlier, and then an argument with Colt. That night Mickey went to bed
and Nick came out to play soon after. He remembers that feeling, what he was
feeling and Mickey had to admit. Nick did always take care of him. “So that was
the first time you saw me huh? I remember that night… the club was playing
‘Bang My Head’ from David Guetta feature Sia….it’s always been my favorite
song. Whenever I had a bad day…I would play it, or have the DJ play it.” Mickey
said as he chuckles and looks away from Ian. He then turns around and continues
talking. “My favorite part of that song is “I have broken wings. I keep trying,
keep trying. No, I won’t give up. Oh, I’m flying, oh I’m flying. Bang my head
against the wall thought I feel light headed, now I know I will not fall. I
will rise above it all…(Mickey turns around and looks at Ian) Found what I was
searching for. Though I felt light-headed. I should have failed and nailed the
floor. Instead, I rose above it all.” Mickey said smiling
 
 
Ian nodded his head at Mickey. “Yup…that was the song that was playing and you
owned it up there on the stage. You owned it because you were you. Yeah, it was
Nick, but in reality, it was you. It has always been you, Mickey. So be Mickey
and no one else….plus you’ll be okay babe, and this dinner which is like a
regular dinner will be okay.”
 
 
Mickey nods his head “Yeah… I don’t fucking know why I’m so like… I don’t know
nervous…why the fuck would I be? It’s not like I’m asking them permission to
marry you or some shit?” Mickey said and pauses real quickly at what he just
said. He looks up at Ian sadly “I’m sorry.” He says
 
 
Ian smirks at him and shakes his head. “No. Just because were divorce and
dating its fine. Plus us getting to know each other again it’s a good thing. I
mean we kind of already know each other, but it’s as if we never stopped. But
our marriage wasn’t ours, ours… It wasn’t a Mickey and Ian, it was Ian and
Nick…..and Rick, and Mick, and then a Nick again” Ian laughed out loud as he
said it to Mickey, who pushes him playfully.
 
 
Mickey shrugged while Ian and he were laughing. “Yeah I guess….look Ima finish
getting ready and My sister should be here soon so let the bitch in. I ain’t
sure if Iggy or Collin our coming.” Mickey said as he starts to take off the
clothes he was wearing to put on something that was more him.
 
 
Ian smiled and rolled his eyes as walks out of the bedroom. “Yeah, yeah I
know.” He said just as he’s out of the room he then stops and turns around to
look at Mickey again. “You know this should be interesting right?
 
 
Mickey turns to look at Ian. “What’d you mean?”
 
 
“Well…my sister and brothers, meeting your sister and brothers. It should be
interesting and I’m expecting one hell of a night.” Ian said to Mickey
 
 
Mickey just shrugged. “Maybe... But then again the Gallagher’s haven’t met the
Milkovich’s. And we're pretty fucking awesome.” Mickey said smiling “Plus Leah
might come by with the baby. Collin hasn’t let me told me yet. But be prepared
to have a little crazy Milkovich running around the house if anything.”
 
 
Ian lights up at the possibility of that happening. “Really? Your niece?” Ian
said, he really did loved kids and hoped that Leah was able to come.
 
 
Mickey smiled and nodded “Yeah Red! Leah said if she ain’t stuck at work, her
and Mia would be flying down.” Mickey said smiling. He loved his niece; she was
his pride and joy. With that information, Ian left the room to go finish
preparing dinner with Debbie, while Mickey finished getting dress.
 
                                      ***
 
Soon enough dinner was almost ready, and that’s when the Gallagher clan decided
to make their entrance back into their own old, slowly but surely. Lip had been
the first one to come in from the back door. He greeted Ian and Debbie and
proceeded to go straight to the refrigerator. He grabbed himself a beer and sat
down at the kitchen table.
 
 
“Hey, Ian where’s your boyfriend?” Lip asked as he takes a swig of his beer.
 
 
“Ah he’s upstairs getting ready, should be down in a few minutes,” Ian said
while looking at his brother.
 
 
Lip nodded his head, but Ian narrows his eyes at him. He knew Lip wanted to ask
or say something none the less. And sure enough, he did. “Sooo. Ah, Mickey
huh.” Lip said
 
 
“Yeah what about him?” Ian responded quickly
 
 
“Nothing! Just wanted to know why was it that when we first met him, he called
himself Nick. Then you tell us he was sick but he’s okay? I mean what’s up with
that? I’m sure Fi’s gonna want to ask the same thing to man.” Lip said to Ian
 
 
Ian sighs and shakes his head; right now he’s mentally kicking himself. “It’s
nothing okay; Nick is a nickname, like a stage name. But he doesn’t work at the
club anymore as a dancer. Plus I mean he’ll DJ at his own clubs that he owns
with his sister. So he might use the name because they know him as Nick. But
besides that, Mick’s a mechanic and businesses owner. So I’d appreciate it if
you and Fiona not asking a 1000 and 1 question like that okay. He's just used
to introducing himself as Nick that’s all.” Ian said casually as if it was
nothing.
 
 
Lip knew his brother wasn’t going to say more, but then again he was okay with
the response. Lip still didn’t get why Ian said has to mention that Mickey was
sick, but Lip didn’t care. As far as he was concern as long as his brother was
happy, so was he.
 
 
Just then Mickey came down the stairs, and Ian looked over at him. Ian smiled
as Mickey walked down the stairs and made his way further into the kitchen.
Mickey was dressed the way Ian knew made him comfortable.  He was wearing his
cool black Military punk rock biker casual pants that fit his ass just right.
He wore his black V-neck t-shirt that showed his muscular arms and his black
boots. His hair was spikey just like how Ian loved it and he was wearing his
earring in his right ear.  He was him, and that’s how he should be.
 
 
“Hey man,” Mickey greeted Lip and Lip did the same. Mickey looked at his phone
and saw a text message from Iggy. “So Iggy says he can’t make it, something
about being caught up in the garage or some shit,” Mickey said to Ian.
 
 
“That’s fine next time.” Ian simply said. Just then the doorbell rang. Debbie
went to go get it as Mickey and Ian stood in the kitchen with Lip as they
cooked. Debbie came walking in and behind her was Mandy. Mickey turned around
and hugged his sister, and Ian did the same.
 
 
“Mandy this is my brother Lip, Lip this Mandy. Mickey’s big sister!” Ian said
to Lip.
 
 
Lip shook Mandy’s hand. “Hi, I’m his older handsome brother Lip. It’s short for
Phillip.” Lip said trying his best to charm Mandy.
 
 
Mandy laughed and rolled her eyes at Lip. “Ian you’re right. He is conceded.”
She said look back at Lip. “Ian has told me a lot about you,” Mandy said
amusingly.
 
 
Lip sighed and looked at his brother, and then back at Mandy who was now
sitting at the table across from him “Let me guess? He said that I was a
womanizing person with lots of commitment issue and ego complex that was huge I
bet.” Lip said
 
 
Mandy shook her head in amusement “Nope! He just said you were a conceded
bastard, who thinks he’s the hot shit. And in those exact words actually. But
seeing as you described yourself as that! Well, I guess it’s safe to say you
got a lot of issues you need to work out on there buddy. Good thing that you
know that.” Mandy said with more amusement in her voice.
 
 
Debbie was laughing with Mickey. “You do know you kind of just fucked all that
up for yourself right?” Mickey said as he continued laughing. He knew Mandy
could take care of herself.
 
 
“Yeah, plus she doesn’t really need all of your drama…well not anymore
anyways.” Debbie simple said and turned to look at her brother and best friends
who were laughing their asses off “What?” She said looking at them with a
surprised face.
 
 
“Nothing,” Ian said, “God I just love you.” He said and Mickey nodded his head.
 
 
Soon enough Fiona, Liam, and Carl got to the Gallagher house and that was when
things got slightly interesting. Ian introduced Fiona and his brothers to Mandy
who was already at the table talking with Lip and Debbie about god knows what.
Mickey greeted Fiona and she simple waved to Mickey and made her way to the
stove to see what was cooking.
 
 
To say that dinner became interesting that night was well, what you would call
more than interesting.  Everyone ate and talked as much as they could. Fiona
didn’t bring anything up about Mickey to Ian and he was okay that.
Perfect…actually, it was too perfect and Mickey had a feeling something was
going to happen.
 
 
“So Mickey is it?” Fiona said and everyone at the table looked at her and
Mickey nodded his head at her in response. “Why the name change? I thought your
name was Nick? Or did we mistake that somehow?” Fiona asked
 
 
It was a simple question, but Mickey knew she was picking at something. So he
decided to play her game. What better game than to tell the truth right? “Well,
it’s more of my nickname in a way. But it’s mostly because I was diagnosed
mental disorder. When I met Ian about what 3 years ago or so it was Nick who
met him, not me; See I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder,
basically multiple personality disorder. Nick was one of my alters!” Mickey
simply said while he ate his food and continued to look at her dead in her eyes
as he talked to Fiona. No one noticed but the table went silent as he continued
to talk. “He was my protective alter, then I had about 2 more alters, but Nick
was mostly in charge. Son of bitch that one, but yeah that was my name. But I
was born as Mikhailo Alexis Milkovich” Mickey said to her smiling at her in
amusement. But was serious as well, and it didn’t go unnoticed at how sarcastic
he was being with her as well.
 
 
“Soooo,” Mandy said looking at her brother and smiling at him. Then she looked
at everyone at the table as they were looking back at Mickey and Ian.  Ian was
looking at Mickey with his eyes widen, just as Mickey gave him a wink with a
smile. Debbie was laughing at Fiona’s facial expression and Lip just has that
I’m confused facial expression.
 
 
“So wait a minute.” Lip said “Ian said that was your job name?” Lip said
 
 
Mickey laughed “Oh man this is one hell of a dinner ain’t it Red!” Mickey said
to Ian and Ian just started laughing at the table. He was laughing at
everything that was said and the whole situation. But mostly because Mickey was
rubbing his foot on his legs…’fucking bastard’ Ian thought to himself.
 
 
Mickey was still laughing and so was Ian. Pretty soon the whole table was
laughing. The conversation about Mickey changed once Debbie started talking
about her Business Management class she was taking.
 
 
When dinner was done, the kitchen table was being cleared up by the adults.
Liam went up into his old bedroom; Carl went into the sala, leaving the older
siblings to talk. Everything was going well, that was until….
 
 
Fiona had been looking through the mail that was on top of the washing machine
and spotted something that said. ‘IMPORTANT NOTICE! FINALIZED DOCUMENTS’ she
got curious and opened up the mail that was already opened and read it. She
looked confused at what she was reading and then turned around quickly and
looked at her brother. “Ian what the fuck!?” She said holding up a paper. Just
then everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over at Fiona. “You got
married and now you’re divorced!? Since when the fuck did this happen?” She
asked in rage
 
 
Everyone at the table was looking up at Fiona, then back at Ian and Mickey.
Mickey was holding his tongue back from saying something. He really did want to
make a good impression on Ian’s family. But man was it getting hard for him.
Meanwhile, Mandy stood up slowly from her seat and crossed her arms over her
chest and was about to say something. But it was Ian who got up from the table
and walked over to Fiona, snatching the document papers right out of her hands.
“Why the fuck are you reading my mail?” He said snapping at her.
 
 
“Because it was there that’s why! I wanted to make sure the bills were getting
paid! That’s not the point here right now! Why the fuck didn’t you tell us you
were married? And to him of all people!” Fiona said pointing at Mickey as she
said it.
 
 
Mickey looked at Fiona giving her a glare. Just as he was yet again about to
say something to Fiona; it was Ian who snapped at his sister first before he
could. “He has a name is Mickey!”
 
 
“Oh yeah! I’m sorry I forgot! Apparently, your name is Mickey now and Not Nick
right?” Fiona said looking at Mickey. She then turned her attention back to Ian
not waiting for Mickey to response to her. “Who the fuck introduces themselves
as someone else? Unless they have something to hide!” Fiona said in an
outburst. She didn’t really believe the little story Mickey gave her earlier
during dinner. Everyone thought it was a joke really.
 
 
“Fuck you!” Mickey said to Fiona; just at the same time Mandy tried to walk
towards Fiona and said “This bitch” but Debbie stopped her.
 
 
“Fiona! No one is hiding shit ok! And Mickey don’t!” Ian said to sister and his
boyfriend. “Everyone needs to calm the fuck down!” He said loudly.
 
 
Lip looked over at Debbie and spoke lowly or so he thought was. “Shit is about
to hit the fan isn’t it.” Lip simply said and Debbie just nodded her head in
response not saying anything.
 
 
“Nothing is wrong! And Shit is not about to hit the fan. So Lip shut the fuck
up and don’t make shit worse okay.” Ian said looking at his brother. Lip just
put his hands up in defense not saying anymore. Ian turns around to look back
at Fiona. “Look no one is hiding anything; me and Mick got a quick marriage, we
figured it was too fast and decided it wasn’t right. So we got a divorce, no
harm or anything. We’re still together.” Ian said to her. It was none of his
sisters business or the rest of the families business of what happened between
him and Mickey. It’s not like it wasn’t the truth. He and Mickey did decide to
get the divorce, as much as it hurt Ian; he and Mickey weren’t together then.
In fact, Mickey was fighting his feeling for Ian and dealing with a lot of
shit. But again no one needed to know that. Plus it wasn’t right to stay
married like that. If they were going to marry one another, they had to do it
right. Besides if he wanted to tell his sister he would have, but he didn’t
want to. Debbie was the only one who knew and he was okay with that.
 
 
“No Ian! Is it not okay? This isn’t you, you wouldn’t do this? You wouldn’t get
married and not tell your family okay!?” Fiona shouted back to him. Fiona was
livid and being pissed off didn’t describe how she was feeling right now.
 
 
“Fi you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” Ian said to her, trying his
best to keep calm and not blow up. Ian up his guard with her.
 
 
“I think I know my little brother pretty fucking well okay. I do know you okay!
And ever since you met Nick or Mick or whatever the fuck his name is today? You
haven’t been you! You’ve pushed out your family, distance yourself from us,
from me! You’ve-” Fiona was saying to in, ranting on, but Ian cuts her off
quickly.
 
 
“You know what Fi, you did that all on your own! You! (Ian pointed to her) You
were the one who told me I ruined your life remember!” Ian shouted at her and
the whole room went dead quiet. Mickey came from around the table and looked at
Ian as he spoke, not sure if he should stop Ian or let him lash out at his
sister. Ian’s been holding it in for a long time; Mickey felt it was better to
stay where he was for now. “You were the one who told me it was my entire
fault! I left and joined the Marines and I came home and you thought what huh?
That everything would be okay!?” Ian continued as his voice became louder as h
spoke. “You blamed me for bills being too high, or not bring in enough cash for
the house, and you fucking blamed me for you not having life! I’m so fucking
sorry that out of all the kids in this family, I was your biggest disappoint!
It’s not my fucking fault you decided to take over and be our parent Fiona!
It’s not my fault! Yet you saw me as a way to blame all your shit out on me!”
Ian shouts at Fiona. He takes a step back from her trying his best to calm his-
self down.
 
 
However it was not working, Ian looks back up at his sister. He mentally tells
himself ‘fuck it, she going to know exactly how he feels now’. “And you know
what!? You so call think you know me or all of us; Before Mickey, I was engaged
to someone else! Someone, who I loved so fucking much!” Ian said as he became
slightly emotional. “I was going to marry him without you or anyone else
knowing! But you know what? Shit happens and life fucked me over (Ian said with
tears in his eyes, but he didn’t let them fall out)……So you can go fuck
yourself with “you thinking you know me so fucking well.” Ian said mocking
Fiona as he walks away towards the stairs. Be he could go up he stops and turns
around to her again. He wasn’t finished just yet. “You know what? Better yet
get the fuck out! Get the fuck out because I don’t have to explain shit to you
or any fucking body okay. And that man right there I love him! He brought me
back to life in many ways you will never fucking understand okay! SO just go!”
Ian yells then turns to go  up the stairs.
 
 
To say Ian was holding in a lot was an understatement. There was more he wanted
to say to his sister, but he didn’t have the energy to do it and he wasn’t in
the right state of mind at the moment.  Ian was sitting down on his and
Mickey’s bed thinking of everything that just happened. He started to regret
what just did happen. He could have handled that a lot better, but Fiona just
kept on and kept on. Especially at dinner when she kept asking question about
Mickey, but those questions were diverted easily.  Ian just wanted this night
to go right. He loved his siblings yes, but he loved Mickey as well, and fuck
him if he wanted them to all get along.
 
 
A few moments later Ian was brought out of his thoughts when his door room
opened. He turned around to see that it was Mickey who opened it and was
walking in. Mickey closed the door behind him and was just looking at Ian from
where he was standing. They looked at each other for a few moments and said
nothing.  
 
 
Mickey walked over to Ian and sat right next to him. “I know you love your
family…you always go on and on about family.” Mickey simply said to him “So I
know it hurts, but Ian.” Mickey said and Ian looks up at him now. “She doesn’t
know…none of them know. Only Debs.”
 
 
“Yeah…you do know you changed my life right.  You know that right?” Ian said to
Mickey more in a statement. Letting him know that he did change his life, and
for the better.
 
 
Mickey smiled at Ian “Yeah…you did the same for me… You changed my life in so
many ways Red.” Mickey said to Ian “….you do love me, I know you do…and you
know sometimes I don’t know why you love me so much.” Mickey said, confessing
to Ian.
 
 
Ian smiled at Mickey. “Our love is what I like to call unique isn’t it…me and
you. I guess that makes us one hell of a pair to be reckoned with huh.” Ian
says with a chuckle. “I mean if I can blow the fuck up on my sister and anyone
for you like that…She just pisses me off. With her questions and then going
through my mail and questioning me about shit, she has no right to. Who the
fuck is she to try and even questions my love for you.” Ian said looking at
Mickey.
 
 
Mickey brought his hand up to Ian’s face and makes him look up at him. “She’s
your sister. That’s all I can really say. That and she’s a bitch.” Mickey said
laughing and Ian joined him.
 
 
Once both boys stopped laughing Mickey looked at Ian and grabbed his right hand
interlocked them together. It fit just right Mickey thought to himself. Mickey
knew he was home wherever Ian was. That was all he needed, in fact, that was
all they needed.
 
 
“You know? I am surprised you didn’t blow the fuck up on Fiona as I did.” Ian
said to Mickey.
 
 
Mickey shook his head and sighed. “You know me too. But then you said no and I
just let you handle that shit. She’s your sister... Plus Mandy was there, and
If me and Debbie didn’t hold her back. I’m pretty sure you would be arresting
my sister for beating the shit out of your sister.” Mickey said smiling at Ian.
Ian just smiled back and shook head dragging Mickey into a kiss, who if course
kissed him right away.
 
                                    *******
 
Soon enough Debbie and Mandy came upstairs and knocked on the door. They didn’t
want to disturb anything that might be happening in their bedroom. The number
of times that they’ve both walked in on their brothers having sex was enough
for them to see. So when they knocked they didn’t hear anything. No one
answered.
 
 
“Should we open the door?” Debbie asked Mandy
 
 
“Fuck if I know. I mean if they are fucking I get to see Ian ass.” Mandy said
with a smile on her face, wiggled her eyebrows up and down.
 
 
Debbie made a scared face “Eww. I don’t want to see that! Plus what if they're
in a position and you see your brothers’ ass and not mines huh?” Debbie told
Mandy who then made a frightening face.
 
 
“Fine. We’ll just barge in, open the door and close our eyes.” Mandy said. So
both girls agreed to do that. Their brothers would probably get mad at them,
but they should be used to this by now.
 
 
“1....2….3” Both Mandy and Debbie said as they opened the door to Ian and
Mickey’s room with the eyes closed. However, they didn’t hear what they
expected to hear. Once they opened their eyes, they saw something that made
them smile.
 
 
Mickey and Ian were laying down in bed sound asleep holding one another. It was
sight that made you smile because both men were holding each other as if it was
the last thing they would ever do. Mandy and Debbie covered them up with a
blanket and closed the door behind them. There was no need disturbed.
 
                                    *******
 
The passing weeks came and went; after the whole dinner chaos, Fiona had tried
to talk to Ian. She called, and text him multiple times, but Ian simply ignores
her. Lip even tries to talk to Ian about Fiona, however, Ian simply tells him
to fuck off and that it wasn’t his problem. Lip, of course, dropped the whole
thing and let things be; he didn’t want to be in the middle of an Ian and
Fiona’s war. Fiona had even started to come by the house more often and try to
see Ian and talk to him. She was either ignored by Ian, and Debbie didn’t say
anything to her. When Fiona would ask Debbie where Ian was, she would say at
Mickey’s house. Fiona even asked where Mickey lived at, but Debbie told her
there was no way she was going to tell her that. It just wasn’t right or in her
place to give Micky’s address away to her.
 
 ****
It was one day after a couple of weeks from the dinner fiasco that Ian came
home to Mickey’s apartment. He had been staying there for a while now and had
practically moved in, in a way. Mickey didn’t complain about it really; the sex
was good in the morning, at night, and whenever he wanted it. Most nights
Mickey and Ian would just cuddle and talk quietly to themselves as if they
would disturb someone with talking loudly. However, lately, Ian recognized that
Mickey was being slightly distant with him, and was acting a bit different. He
didn’t want to say anything at first and not to Mickey directly anyways.
 
 
So when the opportunity presented itself, Ian asked the one person he figured
might know what was wrong with Mickey. Or if something was wrong with him that
if anyone had noticed it.
 
 
So when Ian came home that day, he found that Mandy, Iggy, and Debbie were in
the apartment. The siblings were hanging out playing video games and laughing.
Ian enters the sala without them knowing and takes in the view of what he sees.
Seeing his sister and his partner siblings having fun, and this was family, his
and Mickey’s family. He then noticed that Mickey wasn’t in the room with them.
 
 
“Hey guys.” Ian said
 
 
“Hey!” Everyone said
 
 
Ian came around sofa and sat on the edge “Hey guys where’s Mick at?”
 
 
“He’s in one of his rooms. He said not to fuck with and leave him alone. I
think he’s having a shitty day or some shit” Iggy said
 
 
Ian nodded his head at what Iggy told him. “Can I ask you guys a question?” Ian
asked them. They all nodded their heads looking at Ian. “So have you guys
notice that Mickey’s been acting different lately? I mean he’s been a bit
distant and I’ve been asking him what’s wrong, but he just gives me one word
responds saying nothing or he shrugs me off. And the other day I made a little
comment about a movie we were watching and he almost chewed my head off, but
then he apologized for it afterwords” Ian tells them.
 
 
Mandy and Iggy looked at each other, than at Ian. “He used to do that when we
were younger. We figured it was Nick and not him, but actually we don’t know
really. He use to always be in his own world sometimes and would zone out.
Sometimes he would lock himself in his room and watch old cartoons. Peter Pan
was his all tome favorite. Always has been…” Mandy said and Iggy continued on
“…In fact we would always find him watching that cartoon movie growing up. And
when we would try to turn it off he would get so fucking mad at us. Even after
Collin got custody of us; that was one thing Mickey always did. He always
watched that movie and kept to himself. But he hasn’t done that in years
really, only when something was really bugging him or when he wasn’t himself.”
Iggy said
 
 
Ian sighed and sat back “I bet that’s why he blew up on me.” Ian said
 
 
“What you mean?” Debbie asked with Iggy and Mandy looking at him as he spoke.
 
 
“Well he was watching that movie that other night. He chose the movie in fact,
and we were watching it and I made a joke about how gullible kids are to think
Neverland is real and how Peter pan can never be real and he went off on me.”
Ian said
 
 
“What do you mean went off?” Iggy and Mandy asked at the same time, with
concern behind their voice.
 
 
“Well he said kids look to cartoons for adventure and a way out….” Ian said as
he sat up more at the edge of the sofa and continued speaking. “In fact when
Nick was around, he use to always recite shit from Peter Pan and would read the
story. Even told me how Peter Pan at one point was actually the villain or was
originally made as one, but from different versions of different stories over
the years. And that most people didn’t know that. He even said” Ian was going
to say but Mandy cut him off.
 
 
“That he wished he was a lost boy,” Mandy said quietly.
 
 
“Yeah……yeah how did you know that?” Ian asked
 
 
“Mickey use to say that all the time as a kid. He used to say that in a way we
were all lost boys. It was his way out of reality I guess…It makes more sense
now.” Iggy said to Ian.
 
 
“Yeah, in fact he used to make me and Iggy play with him when we were little. I
use to be the only lost girl or Wendy, and Iggy and he were lost Boys or he was
Peter Pan.” Mandy said smiling at the memory of how her and Mickey use to play
as children.
 
 
Ian nodded his head and then he looked over at the hall way. They all did as
they heard the piano playing, hearing Mickey voice. Slowly they all got up and
went over to the room trying not to make a sound. Lately whenever Ian came
home, Ian would find Mickey in the back room. Either he would be listening to
music or writing something down. Sometimes he wouldn’t even pay attention to
Ian or realize he was in the room with him unless Ian spoke.
 
 
When they all got to the room, Ian opened the door slight. They all saw Mickey
playing with the piano near the window. The melody of the Piano was the most
beautiful thing Ian has ever heard, he loves hearing Mickey play. Ian then
recognized the song Mickey was playing instantly. Mickey would play the song
over and over again. Never getting tired of it and neither did Ian because it
was a great song. Mickey at first was just playing the Piano to the song, but
then he started to sing.
 

There was a time when I was alone
Nowhere to go and no place to call home
My only friend was the man in the moon
And even sometimes he would go away, too


Then one night, as I closed my eyes,
I saw a shadow flying high
He came to me with the sweetest smile
Told me he wanted to talk for awhile
He said, "Peter Pan—that's what they call me.
I promise that you'll never be lonely."
And ever since that day...

I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy," they say to me,
"Away from all of reality."

Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free

He sprinkled me in pixie dust and told me to believe
Believe in him and believe in me
Together we will fly away in a cloud of green
To your beautiful destiny
As we soared above the town that never loved me
I realized I finally had a family
Soon enough we reached Neverland
Peacefully my feet hit the sand
And ever since that day...

I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy," they say to me,
"Away from all of reality."

Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, Wendy Darling,
Even Captain Hook—
You are my perfect story book
Neverland, I love you so,
You are now my home sweet home
Forever a lost boy at last
Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, Wendy Darling,
Even Captain Hook—
You are my perfect story book
Neverland, I love you so,
You are now my home sweet home
Forever a lost boy at last

And for always I will say...

I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy," they say to me,
"Away from all of reality."

Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free

Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
 
 
Ian has always loved hearing Mickey sing, but now it felt like he was sad.
Something was wrong and he didn't know what.  When Mickey stopped playing the
piano he wiped his face and kept looking outside of the window. Mandy, Iggy and
Debbie looked on. They felt it was best to step back and let Ian enter the room
on his own. So without a word Iggy, Mandy and Debbie moved to leave Ian with
Mickey. Ian walks through the door and goes towards Mickey not paying attention
to no one else but Mickey. 
 
 
Mickey did move as Ian walked towards the window. Ian and looked over at Mickey
as Mickey was still looking out of the room. “You know when I was younger. I
use to always wonder if there was like a different reality out there
somewhere….somewhere where no one knew me, or somewhere where I can be free and
be okay. Not live in fear and pain.” Mickey said while still looking out the
window.
 
 
Ian didn’t say anything as he sat down at the window seal, looking at both his
boyfriend and view of outside from the window. Mickey continued talking a few
moments of silence. “You ever wondered if like fairytales were real, which one
you would be in?” Mickey asked now looking at Ian
 
 
Ian shook his head “No…no I didn’t.”
 
 
Mickey smiles sadly at Ian and nods his head as he continues to look at Ian. “I
did…I use to want to be a lost boy. You know fly away and never grow up. Fly
away from home and never come back and be in Neverland and fight pirates… Fight
the bad guys and be like peter pan or a lost boy.” Mickey said quietly he looks
back outside. A single tear come down his face and he wipes away quickly.
 
 
Ian looked at his partner and didn’t know what to say.  Iggy did text Ian
earlier that Mickey might have had a bad day. Then Ian figured it was Mickey
therapy session, but then his doctor would have called to just inform Ian that
Mickey would be in vulnerable. No, something else was off with Mickey. “I love
you.” was all Ian could say to him.
 
 
Mickey looked up at Ian then. “I know…I’m just not having a good week is all. I
just want things to go right for once.” Mickey said lowly
 
 
Ian squints his eyes as he tilted his head to the side looking at Mickey and
studying him more. “Mick what are you talking about?” Ian asked
 
 
Mickey sighed. “Do you trust me?” Mickey asked Ian
 
 
“Yes,” Ian said without hesitation and that Made Mickey smile at him
 
 
“Okay. SO hey I was thinking that since our anniversary is like next week, we
can do something, but ah……we don’t have to do anything really.” Mickey said
 
 
Ian smiles at Mickey. “No…I mean I wasn’t really planning on doing much. I was
going to ask you if you wanted to go out to dinner or something. I can take you
where we went for our first date?” Ian said smiling at Mickey.
 
 
Mickey rolled his eyes at Ian and smiled. “Yeah sure.” He said getting up and
walking over to Ian and kissed him. Mickey then went to leave the room then
turned back around. “Hey Ian?”
 
 
“Yeah Mick?” Ian responded back.
 
 
“You know that song I was playing, the one you heard me sing?” Mickey asked
Ian, but in a way he didn’t.
 
 
“Yeah. It’s a beautiful song.” Ian said to Mickey walking up to him now.
 
 
Mickey nodded his head. “Sometime I still think….What I mean is…I’m not a lost
boy anymore.  I have you and my family. You’re home.” Mickey said looking up at
Ian in his big green beautiful eyes, instantly getting lost them.
 
 
Ian looked at Mickey and smiled at him. “Yeah, yeah I know. But it’s okay you
know…..To still be a lost boy, as long as I’m with you, we can be both be lost
boys.” Ian said to Mickey
 
 
Mickey looked up at Ian and his eyes were glassy, and without a second beat of
a moment. Mickey grabbed Ian by the neck and pulled him into the most loving
and passionate kiss. One with love, one with hope, one with so much meaning
that even the universe itself would define this moment as the most magical one
yet.
Chapter End Notes
     So you guys I hope you enjoy this chapter. Yes there's reference to
     Peter Pan because 1 as a child I always wanted to be a lost boy and
     figured in my imagination Neverland was my home. One of the reason
     why this song I think connects to Mickey's character in many ways.
     And if think there's not more drama to come, wait till next chapter.
     our boys have to go through some angst to test their relationship.
     But you guys know I roll ^_^
     Let me know what yah think. I still love the kudos you guys give me
     and the comments on here and my other fic. Im happy your still
     reading this. xoxoxoxoxox
      
     Here's the two songs I mention in this chapter and yes they had
     influence on this chapter somewhat
     David Guetta Ft. Sia - Bang my Head
     https://youtu.be/kuNXn4dMurU
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuNXn4dMurU
      
     Ruth B - Lost boy
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3m_V1XNPxA
     https://youtu.be/-3m_V1XNPxA
***** DNA *****
Chapter Notes
     well Hello everyone!
     Im back but only for a short time. This chapter is a long one and to
     answer your question yes I have another one half way written but i
     wont be able to work on it so much as I have a crazy load of school
     work a head of me. I will work on it but I wont be posting it up any
     time soon unless something happens and I end up getting time to do
     so.
      
     I would love to thank Lianne so much. OMG you're awesome beta
     xoxoxox. She's the best you guys.
     Also in this chapter there is violence in a form of child abuse to
     warning on that. I also hope you guys love it. I know you all have
     been waiting for this for a while and I do apologize like seriously,
     I'm sorry.
     Now here Goes Chapter 34 DNA!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                               “Dark as Midnight
                             Sick pack Coors light
                           You don’t look the same.
            Past my bedtime blue and red lights come take you away.
               Hate to see you like a monster so I run and hide
              Hate to ask but what’s it like to leave me behind.
               I won’t be, no I won’t be like you Fighting back,
                          I’m fighting back the truth
                        Eyes like yours can’t look away
                            But you can’t stop DNA
                            No you can’t stop DNA”
                                        
                                        
A few weeks went by and it had been a little over a month since Mickey had an
episode. He was acting fine, even okay and normal as can be. However, recently
he was becoming slightly distant again and that was concerning everyone,
including his therapist Dr. Jimenez. Mickey wasn’t opening up as much as he was
supposed to while in therapy, and that was something that was not only
important to his recovery but it was critical towards his treatment to
recovery. Him being able to open up about his past, about his thoughts and
feelings, about everything he had remembered was important. Being able to deal
with the past and using therapy to help him cope with what he remembers was
crucial. Mickey needed to deal with the things he remembered. He needed to heal
and move on with his life and not let it take over him. But that took time and
lots of effort. It’s a hard road to go through and nothing from this would be
easy, however Mickey needed to continue to fight and face the fact that yes!
Yes, he was a child of rape; yes, he was a child who was molested, abused in
ways that no one should ever be abused…a boy who was taken advantage of, who
experienced the most horrible of things in life that no one should ever
experience.
 
 
Mickey was abused, both physically and mentally. So yes, it caused him to split
into more than one person; everyone who was close to Mickey knew this fact.
Mickey needed to always know and remember that he is stronger now more than
ever. That he is a strong person and is no longer that young boy; a child who
was so scared that the only way to keep part of him safe, was create his own
protector. People with any disorder can suffer a lot in silence, and having
multiple personality disorder or any mental disorder can have a huge impact on
oneself.
 
 
Mickey knew that he could possibly suffer from depression, anxiety, any form of
PTSD and that there was a possibility of him even slipping back and splitting
into his alters again, although this rarely happened. Going back to your alter
for help was a defense mechanism that he knew all too well; the mind is said to
be one of the most sensitive things a human being has. We are able to store so
much and learn so much that we forget how fragile it can be. Better yet how
fragile we can be. And in a state of mind such as Mickey’s…well fragile is one
thing you can call it. The possibility of splitting into his alter again was at
a high risk. Mickey didn't want to remember what happened to him or relive
anything he went through as a child and trying to keep it all in is risky. Not
being able to cope with something he went through on his own, Mickey feared
very much, and so did his family. Mickey didn’t want to have a setback and
relapse; I mean who does really? But that didn’t mean he wasn’t feeling open
and exposed as he already was. Not wanting to open up about the things he was
remembering was a battle he was having with himself on a daily basis. One was
already affecting him, whether he saw it or not!
 
                                     *****
 
Once Dr. Charlene Jimenez noticed Mickey pulling away and distancing himself
from her, she patiently waited to see if he would snap out of it. Not pushing
too much, but just enough. However, it didn’t work and when she saw that
waiting for Mickey to come around wasn’t going to work; she took action. She
approached his psychotherapy treatment methods in a different way. Helping
Mickey being able to improve his relationships with others by expressing
himself, to her especially was one thing he needed. She needed Mickey to
express what he was feeling from his past and being able to open up again
without traumatizing him was the biggest goal here.
 
 
With the different technique approaches, Dr. Jimenez was able to see some
results with Mickey again. He was able to slowly again express things he was
remembering, such as things he was feeling at the time, and how he saw himself
now. However, Mickey continued to be distant and isolate himself from his
siblings and Ian, and that made them all worry about Mickey even more. Collin,
Iggy, Mandy, and Ian all asked Dr. Jimenez (of course without Mickey knowing)
what was the best thing for them to do? The answer they all got was something
they didn’t like. Charlene simply told them “Let him come to you. Let him open
up when he’s ready. Don’t force him, or he will react badly.” She went on to
tell them “You all have to remember that he’s dealing with a lot right now.
Finding a healthier way to cope with things that have happened to him and deal
with his alters in a healthy manner is no walk in the park. Not only for Mickey
but for the 3 other alters he is dealing with. In time he will seek you all out
but for now, don’t push him so much.” That was all that Dr. Jimenez could say
to them; she also told them that being around positive people or things that
made Mickey happy were good as well! So all they could do was sit back and be
supportive, and to just act like nothing was wrong. Because if they knew one
thing, it was that Mickey was a person to tell them to fuck off if he felt
trapped or pushed.
 
                                        
                                     *****
 
After talking to Charlene for a bit Collin had gotten a great idea, he called
up Mickey and told him to come over to his apartment. Leah was there with their
daughter Mia, Mickey’s goddaughter. Mickey hadn’t seen his niece in a long
time, and it was long overdue. Baby Mia was talking a lot more and she was
walking everywhere of course. Her smile was one Mickey loved to see on her
face. Her beautiful green hazel eyes and round face was something Mickey could
look at for hours. Making her smile was something he loved to do, and her
laughter was even more contagious. Collin figured this would be the best way to
help cheer his brother up, and maybe have him be closer to him, rather than him
being as distant as he was lately. Collin noticed Mickey had been quiet and
down even more lately. He thought that maybe seeing Mia would make him happy.
Being able to put a real smile on his brothers’ face was something Collin just
wanted to see.
 
 
So Collin called his brother up, and to say that Mickey was excited was an
understatement. Collin wasn’t able to see his brother smiling over the phone,
but Collin knew he was .
 
 
After getting off the phone with Collin, Mickey went again and got himself
ready for his afternoon. Ian was working that afternoon when Mickey got the
call; so Mickey shot him a text telling him he was on his way to Collin’s loft
apartment. Mickey told Ian that he was also having dinner there as well, and
when he was done with his shift to come over so he can meet baby Mia.
 
 
Ian smiled as he looked down at his phone when reading the text message from
Mickey. Mickey was always talking about his niece like she was a goddess.
Always calling her his little princess, even though she was Collin’s daughter;
Ian was told by all the Milkovich siblings that Mickey treated Mia like she was
his princess and that he went beyond spoiling her. Mickey was Mia’s god father
and when he talked about her his face always lit up. Ian loved seeing that in
Mickey. He knew that Mickey missed Mia and Ian could tell he felt bad for not
being around her more often. But with him being sick, he really couldn’t be
around her. Ian text Mickey back telling him he would be there later on, but
was going to go to the house and clean up first and maybe bring Debbie with
him. Mickey replied telling him okay.
 
 
With that everything was fine…or at least it appeared that way …
 
                                     *****
 
 
Mickey got to Collins house in less than 10 minutes, and when he opened the
door he heard a loud screaming laughing sound coming from a 5 year old running
towards him. Mickey bent down fast, as Mia ran into his arms. She wrapped her
small tiny arms around Mickey neck giggling yelling out, “tío” to him. Mickey
wrapped his arms around Mia and hugged her as tight as he could without hurting
her. Mickey laughed as he looked up to find Leah shaking her head while
crossing her arms across her chest, smiling at both of them.
 
 
“That little devil refuses to take a bath!” Leah said sighing at her daughter.
 
 
“She is not little devil? She a princess, and if she doesn’t want to take a
bath then she doesn’t have to right now.” Mickey said as he looked at Leah and
then back at Mia. “Right Mia!” Mickey said to her.
 
 
“Uh-huh! Yes tio! See mommy I don’t have to. HA! HA!” Mia said taunting her
mother, knowing that her uncle was there to protect her.
 
 
“Mickey” Leah said sternly.
 
 
Mickey gave Leah an innocent look. “What? She’s fine Leah, right Mia?” Mickey
said as he asked his niece.
 
 
Mia nodded her head up and down looking at her mom and tio. “Yes Mommy I’m
fine. I promise. Not dirty at all! See!” Mia said innocently being cute as she
was trying to show her mom she was clean.
 
 
Leah sighed. “Mickey she needs her bath, she was at the park all morning. Not
to mention she was playing in the mud today. She thought it would be okay to do
that!” Leah said looking at Mickey then at her daughter as she spoke to her now
“After I told her not to.” Leah said already slightly annoyed with her brother
in law.
 
 
“But mommy I don’t want to. I want to play with Tio Mickey. I miss him.” Mia
said pouting looking at her mom as she was hugging her uncle Mickey really
tight.
 
 
Mickey could see that Leah was already getting more annoyed. So he decided to
help Leah out. “Tell yah what princess.” Mickey said as he bent down in front
of Mia and spoke to her. “How about you let mommy here give you a bath and then
when you’re done, me and you can stay up later on and play, okay? We will even
watch as many movies as you want! Then when you’re really tired, I’ll read you
a bed time story and tuck you in okay? But first you have to go take a bath”
Mickey said to Mia.
 
 
Mia looked at her tío Mickey and was thinking really hard. He could tell
because she had put her hands on her hip and was tapping her index finger on
her leg as she tilted her head to the side. It must have been a family trait
thing; Mickey smiled at Mia as he could tell she was thinking hard about what
to do. It took all but 5 seconds for her to start bargaining with him. “Hmmm,
can we have ice cream too! And I want my rubber duckies too Tío!” she said
excitedly. Mickey wanted to say yes automatically. He would give Mia anything
she wanted but then he looked back at Leah who was rolling her eyes at them
both.
 
 
“Yes! You can have your rubber duckies, and you can have any kind of ice cream
you want! But first you have to take a bath, okay princess?” Mickey told Mia.
Leah put her hands on her hip and sighed loudly.
 
Mia looked over at her mother to give her a cute but weird face that Mickey
couldn’t help but laugh at. Mia then looked at her uncle studying him. “Hmm, I
don’t know. I want extra fudge and like this much of ice cream tio” Mia said
extending her arms out wide.
 
 
Mickey laughed at this. “Of course! Anything you want, you got it!” Mickey told
Mia enthusiastically.
 
 
“Okay!” Mia said excitedly as she ran into the bathroom, and moments later she
ran out to grab her ducks from her bag and ran back into the bathroom.
 
 
Leah looked up at Mickey shaking her head at him. “You do know that she’s
spoiled enough by you and your brothers and sister right? You guys need to be
firm with her.” Leah said teasing Mickey.
 
 
“Hey!” A familiar voice said from behind. Leah and Mickey turned to see Collin
on the side watching them. When Mickey had called Collin to tell him he was
downstairs and was coming up, Collin had told Mia that Mickey was on his way up
to see her, making his 5 year oldvery excited.
 
 
“Well you do!” Leah said as a matter of fact as she then turned back to look at
Mickey.
 
 
Mickey chuckled. “Yeah well she may be you guys daughter, but she’s my baby
girl too. She’s the princess and deserves to be spoiled. Plus, it’s been a long
time since she’s seen me or that I’ve seen her, so cut me some slack okay?”
Mickey tried to say innocently, using his best puppy dog face, aimed more at
Leah than Collin. Thanks to Ian, he had pretty much mastered this tactic.
 
 
Leah sighed and gave Mickey a half hug. Mickey smiled at her. “You want to help
me with her when she gets out? She a fucking handful and I swear to you right
now and here, watch me come out of that bathroom with more water on me then
her! Watch! Just you watch!” Leah said as she made her way to the bathroom.
 
 
Mickey smiled and laughed to himself. It was really great to see his niece
again. She had the most wonderful smile you could ever see, and she was a
character all on her own.
 
 
Collin was looking at his brother, studying him. He couldn’t help but smile at
Mickey. His brother was smiling and actually looked alive, more so than ever he
had in a while; it was something Collin had missed so much. “She right you
know.” Collin said as Mickey looked up at him as he spoke. “Leah will come out
of that bathroom with more water on her than Mia. And Mia’s the one getting the
bath” Collin said humorously.
 
 
Just as Mickey was about to say something, he and Collin both turned their
head’s when they hear Leah suddenly yell. “Mia, no! Not that!” They hear Leah
yell out as they hear the shower head turn on from outside of the bathroom.
 
 
“Sorry Mommy, I love you.” Mickey hears Mia say innocently to Leah. Collin
laughs, and he and Mickey peaks inside the bathroom quickly to see Leah
drenched in water from the shower being turned on, with little Mia laughing at
her mom.
 
 
Yeah she was definitely a character all on her own, and Mickey was proud to be
her uncle.
 
                                     *****
 
Sure enough, when Mia got out from her bath time, Leah was right. Leah did have
more water on her than Mia did. Mickey couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that
his little niece was a real jokester. Just as Leah was getting Mia dressed and
ready for the afternoon evening time with her tio Mickey, the doorbell rang.
Mickey got up from the sofa and made his way to the door. He didn’t have to
guess who was behind the door, because he knew who it was anyways. He was
expecting Ian to come a little later, but sure enough that's who’s at the door.
Mickey opened the door to a brightly smiling, tall redheaded man, still in his
uniform.
 
 
God, Ian’s smile still manages to take Mickey’s breathe away. “I thought you
were gonna go home and change first before coming here?” Mickey asked Ian as he
stepped aside to let Ian in.
 
 
“Who is it?” Collin asked from inside the other room.
 
 
“It’s Ian, Collin!” Mickey said as he turns to look back at Ian again. “So you
didn’t want to change to regular clothes or something.” Mickey asked again.
 
 
“I was, but then I decided that I missed you and couldn’t wait to see you.” Ian
answered Mickey as he leaned in and kissed Mickey.
 
 
Mickey smiles into the kiss and mumbles “Fucking sap,” making both men laugh as
they were still kissing one another. Just as things were starting to heat up
from their mini make-out session, Mia popped out of her room and ran towards
her uncle. She stops for a moment and sees her uncle is kissing someone. A
someone that she, has never met before. Mia tilted her head to the side and
crossed her arms. She then proceeded to walk right up to the other person, who
is taller than her tío Mickey and suddenly kicked Ian in the shin and stepped
back.
 
 
“Ouch! What the-” Ian says out loud in pain as he breaks away from Mickey when
he feels a sharp kick to his shin. He then looks down to see a young little
girl with green hazel eyes with black long hair looking up at him with a mean
grill on her face. Ian had to admit, she was cute, she had a round face and if
you looked closely at her face, you saw a splash of freckles across her face.
 
 
“Mia!” Mickey tries to say but then is cut off by Mia.
 
 
“S’cuse me? Who are you? And wwwhhhyyy are you kissing n my tío?” Mia asked Ian
sternly. Just as Ian and Mickey were about to answer her, Mia cuts them off yet
again before letting either man speak. “I don’t know you, he’s my tío so back
off.” Mia said trying her best to shove Ian away as best as she could.
 
 
“Mia stop!” Mickey said to her as he crouches down to look at her. “Mia this is
Ian. He’s my boyfriend.” Mickey tells her. “Ian this is Mia.”
 
 
Mia looks up at Ian as if she’s sizing him up. Ian is slightly taken back by
this. Collin, Iggy, and Mandy were bad enough. But this little girl seems to be
even worse compared to them all together. She is Mickey’s niece after all.
“Hmmm. I don’t know” Mia says, then looks at Mickey “Asi que el es tu novio
tio?” (So he is your boyfriend tio) Mia asked Mickey. Ian was taken back
slightly as the young girl spoke perfect Spanish fluently to him.
 
 
Mickey chuckles slightly and nods his head. “Si, es mi novio Mia.”(Yes, he is
my boyfriend Mia) Mickey says to her. Mickey then looks up at Ian and smiles.
“Spanish is her first language since that was all Leah spoke to her when she
was born. When she doesn’t know someone she speaks Spanish instead of English.
Once she gets comfortable around you, she’ll speak English though.” Mickey said
to Ian then looks back at Mia who is now looking at Ian up and down as if she
is trying to find something wrong with him. “Mia que es eso? (Mia what is it?)”
Mickey then asked Mia again.
 
 
Mia looks away from Ian then leans over to Mickey and tries to whisper in his
ear. “I thought you were supposed to spend time with me?” She says to him as
she pulls away and looks up at him with those puppy eyes.
 
 
Mickey could only smiles at Mia in how innocent she is. He then picks her up
from the floor and holds her in his arms. “I am!” Mickey said to her excitedly.
“Ian is just here because I invited him over so that you can meet him and that
he can meet you. He’s a very important person to me, so I wanted him to meet
you. Is that okay?” Mickey asked Mia.
 
 
Mia shrugs her shoulder and sighs loudly. “Está bien, supongo” (Okay I guess).
Mia then looks over at Ian and then looks at her tio. She whispers something in
his ear again and this time Mickey nods his head in response. Mia’s eyes widen
and she smiles. She puts her thumbs up to her tio Mickey and she makes her way
down from his hold on her. She then runs to the sala and waits for Mickey.
 
 
Mickey turns to look at Ian. “She asked if you were an officer and I said yeah.
That why she gave me the thumbs up. Leah and her watched Zootopia and Mia loves
that movie.” Mickey said chuckling. “She said that she’s going to be like the
bunny rabbit Judy Hopps and arrest bad guys to protect her city. She also asked
if you were nice to me.” Mickey tells Ian.
                                                                
 
“And what did you say?” Ian asked Mickey playfully as he already knows the
answer.
 
 
“I said yeah, obviously. If not she would have mostly likely bit you and ran
off.” Mickey said amusingly to Ian.
 
 
Just then Ian turns to look at Mickey giving him a shocked yet amused
expression. “Oh god, is she just as overprotective of you as Collin and the
rest of your siblings?” Ian asked Mickey.
 
 
Mickey nodded his head sympathetically at Ian but was still laughing at him.
“Yeeeaaah. She can be…a bit of Collin and Mandy rolled into one. Honestly, Leah
says she acts more like me, but I don’t see how.” Mickey says as he walks
towards the sala, he then stops and turns to look back at Ian. “Hey red! You
coming or what? Because I have very demanding little girl who’s waiting for me
in the other room” Mickey said to Ian. As a response, Ian nodded his head and
made his way over to Mickey.
 
 
To say the evening was an interesting one was an understatement. After spending
time with Collin and Leah for a bit with Mia and Ian, Collin asked Mickey if he
wanted to babysit Mia for the night. Mickey agreed instantly. After Collin and
Leah left, the whole night was filled with Mia laughing and giggling as they
watched “A Nightmare before Christmas.” A movie Ian thought a 5 and a half year
old should not be watching, seeing as how the main character Jack was literally
trying to steal Christmas and then give Christmas back with not so friendly
gifts. However Mickey said it was one of her favorites and since Leah and
Collin were out on a date night, Mickey said he was sure they wouldn’t mind,
which Ian did not believe for one second. Mia however, had lightened up on Ian
a bit. She started to call him “Pecas” (Freckles) and was speaking to him in
English, but still kept close to Mickey. Once the promised ice cream came out,
the sugar rush of a 5 year old hit.
 
 
“So Ian!” Mia said as she was jumping up and down on the sofa from the sugar
rush she was on, thanks to Mickey’s sweet tooth.
 
 
“Yes Mia?” Ian asked amusingly.
 
 
“So, do you like, like my tio Mickey?” Mia asked, slightly out of breathe as
she was now on the floor turning around in circles making herself dizzy.
 
 
“Yes I do.” Ian said looking at Mickey, who was sitting beside him, smiling at
him. But he was also making sure that Mia didn’t hurt herself, as she as
turning around in circles over and over again.
 
 
Mia stopped turning around in circles as she was slightly dizzy and she almost
lost her balance. But Mickey was right there next to her as she was smiling
shyly at him. “Do you like him a lot a lot?” Mia asked again in a different
way.
 
 
Ian laughed “Yes. I do like him a lot a lot.” Ian replied to her smiling.
 
 
“Do you love my tio Mickey?” Mia asked Ian as she went to climb up on Mickey,
and rest her head on his chest.
 
 
Ian smiled down at the little girl, who was now resting on Mickey. He could
tell her sugar rush was coming to an end and she was crashing. “Yes I do! Very
much so.”
 
 
Mia smiled up at Ian then looked at her uncle, then back at Ian. She climbed
off Mickey and went to sit in between Mickey and Ian. Just as Mickey was
reaching out to drink his water he moved his eyes to the movie that was still
playing on the TV. His attention was on the movie for a just a second, until he
heard Mia say. “So Ian, when are you and Tio Mickey going to get married?” Mia
said matter of fact.
 
 
Mickey spat out his drink, looked at Ian with wide eyes and shocked expression
on his face. Mia looked at her tio Mickey to see if he was okay. Ian was
laughing just as Mia was patting her tio’s back, trying to help him breathe
again. “Tio are you otay?” she asked Mickey.
 
 
Mickey was coughing and trying to catch his breath when he looked at Mia and
smiled. His face was red from embarrassment and his eyes slightly glassy. “Um,
baby girl why don’t we finish watching the movie okay??” Mickey said to Mia.
 
 
“Why?” Mia asked as she tilted her head slightly, looking up at him.
 
 
“Because you wanted to see it baby girl.” Mickey replied back to her.
 
 
“But, why?” Mia asked again.
 
 
Mickey sighs a little. “Because you picked it princess.” Mickey tells her.
 
 
“But why” Mia says again giggling.
 
 
“Because you did.” Mickey says
 
 
“Hmm, but why.” Mia said laughing as she was trying to tickle Mickey now.
 
 
“Stop it! Mia stop it please.” Mickey says laughing as he tries to stop Mia
from tickling him.
 
 
“But why!” Mia says again. This time Ian decided to join in on the tickle
attack with Mia. For a good few minutes Mia and Ian were both tickling Mickey.
Once Mickey was able to catch his breath he said something he wasn’t supposed
to say. “Oh my god you guys are a pain in my ass!” he said breathlessly.
 
 
“You’re a pain in my ass!” Mia said back to Mickey laughing as she jumped down
off the sofa giggling.
 
 
“Mickey!” Ian said to him, looking over at Mickey shocked.
 
 
Mickey paws his face and shakes his head. Leah is going to kill him. AGAIN!
First time Mia cursed it was because Mickey was always saying Fuck! Now she had
just repeated him and said he was a pain in her ass. “Mia you shouldn’t say
things I say okay?” Mickey said to her.
 
                                                               
“But why? You say cool things tio. And I love you and look up to you.” Mia said
innocently.
 
 
Mickey sighed and knelt before his niece. “Because those are bad words; they’re
grown up words, which are the reason why you can’t use them or say them okay.”
Mickey tells Mia.
 
 
“Soooo, I can’t use them because they’re bad words? But mommy, daddy, and even
you, titi and tio use those words too!” Mia said to Mickey innocently. Mia had
a look in her eyes that suggested that she knew what she said was wrong. Yet
here she was trying to wrap Mickey around her finger so she wouldn’t get in
trouble. And it was working.
 
 
“See baby girl, only grownups can use those words, okay? Even so, we shouldn’t
use those kinds of words, but sometimes they slip out. So that’s why me, your
mom, your dad and sometimes other adults say bad words. But even so, you
shouldn’t say them okay. So no more swearing, even when I do it, okay? And
don’t say those words in front of mommy or daddy! Better yet don’t even tell
mommy or daddy you heard those words okay?” Mickey tells Mia.
 
 
Mia looked up at Mickey and sadly said. “Okay. I’m so sauwey tio.” Mia said to
Mickey and she looked like she was on the brink of tears.
 
 
“Hey! No crying okay. It was mistake alright?” Mickey said to Mia. Mia nodded
her head at Mickey in response. “Okay, so no more bad words and I won’t tell
Mommy or Daddy. Got it!” Mickey tells Mia.
 
 
Mia smiled up at Mickey and gave him a big hug. “Otay tio, I prowamise.” She
said as she hugged Mickey tight and looked over at Ian. Mia gave Ian a wink and
smiled.
 
 
Ian couldn’t help but smile and chuckle quietly to himself. This little girl
was an expert at getting her way, and she knew it to. Touché Mia, touché.
 
                                 _____________
                                        
That following evening, just as promised; after the movie that they had
watched, they had run around trying to convince a 5 year old Mia that she
needed to put on her pajamas and go to bed. Mickey tucked Mia in her bed with
the help of Ian. Both Mickey and Ian read Mia a story from her Disney Princess
book. They were halfway done with the story of Cinderella when Mickey looked
down at Mia to see that she was sleeping peacefully leaning next to Ian. Mickey
couldn’t help but smile at both of them. Ian was smiling back at Mickey. For a
moment the two of them just looked at one another. Ian motioned to Mickey that
he was getting up.
 
 
Once Ian carefully got up from the bed making sure he didn’t wake up Mia, he
stood at the door way just looking inside at Mia and Mickey. He wasn’t sure if
Mickey noticed he was still there, or if he did, Mickey didn’t acknowledge that
he was there. Ian saw Mickey brush the strain of hair away from Mia’s face. He
leaned in and kissed her forehead lightly and was smiling down at her. Mickey
made sure to tuck in the sheets at Mia’s side tightly. When he was sure she was
tucked in good, he just sat on the side of the bed and watched her as she
slept. Mickey couldn’t help but get emotional as he watched his niece sleep
peacefully.
 
 
His mind was running in so many places all at once. He couldn’t help but feel
that all he wanted to do was protect this little girl at all costs. Mia was his
niece, his god daughter, his little bundle of a firecracker. She was his angel.
Mickey remembers the day she was born; he remembers being one of the first
people to hold her after Leah gave birth. He remembers making a promise to her,
to always protect her, and be there for her if she ever needed him. Mickey’s
mind started jumping back and forth from good to bad thoughts. He wasn’t too
much older than her when the bad things had started to happen to him.
 
 
Mickey had no idea he was crying until he felt a few tears fall down from his
face that landed on his hands. He wiped his face quickly as he got up from the
edge of the bed. He turned around to exit the room, only to be stopped by Ian
at the entrance of the door who was leaning against it. Ian looked at Mickey
and his heart breaks. Ian backs away from the room as Mickey makes his way out
of Mia’s room, only for Ian to grab Mickey and hug him. Ian holds onto Mickey
tightly, as Mickey breaks down in tears. Ian wasn’t sure what to say or what to
do or even what was wrong with Mickey, but at this moment all he knows is that
his boyfriend needed him right now.
 
 
Once Mickey was all cried out, he went to the bathroom and washed his face. He
tried to calm his breathing, he felt like he was going to have an anxiety
attack. Ian walked in and kept his distance as he spoke to him. “Do you want to
talk about it?” Ian asked Mickey.
 
 
For a moment Mickey didn’t answer. He didn’t move or look in Ian’s direction.
He was just still. “I wasn’t too much older when it happened.” Mickey whispered
to Ian. He still wasn’t looking at Ian, but his body was shaking. “She’s so
young and if anything like that happened to her, like what happened to me-”
Mickey said cutting himself off. He looked up into Ian’s eyes as he continued
on speaking. “I will kill anyone, and I mean- Any. One. Any-one, who would dare
to hurt that little girl in there?” Mickey said to Ian. “Do you understand that
Ian.” Mickey said seriously to Ian, more in a statement, than a question.
 
 
Ian nodded his head up and down at Mickey as he said “Yeah, yeah I get it
Mick.” Ian saw that Mickey was feeling even more vulnerable. So he daringly
took a step into Mickey’s personal space. Mickey didn’t object, as Ian just
embraced him, holding him closer now, more than ever.
  
 
 
 
                                     *****
                                        
                                        
The dreams Mickey had were never as bad as he lead them to believe. However,
some nights when he was alone or even when he was with Ian sleeping safe and
sound, he often found himself waking up scared sweating, and trying hard to
breathe for air. Some nights Ian would be up with him for hours trying to calm
him down. Other nights when Ian would be working the night shift, Mickey would
be lie wide awake crying, holding himself. Many times he tried to comfort
himself, using healthier methods and not looking for a bad way out. Therapy was
helping him and his alters deal with things in a positive way. But some nights,
nights like these when he would sometimes wake up from a bad memory; he would
piss the bed, not knowing he had done it. Those were the nights he was grateful
Ian wasn’t around and was working. When he did piss himself, he would be all
sweaty, with tears coming down his face, trying hard and desperately to control
his breathing. He would get up and change the sheets, clean up and take a
shower.
 
 
The shower was like Mickey’s sanctuary; he would stay in there for hours
letting the hot water hit him as hot as he can take it. He always felt dirty
after waking up from his dreams….the nightmares that still haunted him….the
nightmares of that house…the reality of what his father had done to him, what
his father had let those people do to him. It’s not an easy thing to deal with;
to feel and know that the things that happened to you should have never
happened but they had. To know that so many awful things had happened to you,
it never got easy. Those things had happened to Mickey and to still feel it as
if it just happened was unbearable. No, this was a nightmare that no one should
have to deal with. Ever!
 
 
To Mickey, he still felt like he was this disgusting thing. Not even a person,
just a thing that was used. He didn’t let anyone know how he was feeling or how
he felt about himself. The only person who knew was his therapist because
Mickey felt like he could tell her anything. Well, almost everything. The fact
that he just never felt clean, like he always felt dirty and disgusted with
himself was a battle with his mind that he was losing. Mickey figured in the
beginning when he remembered everything, slowly but surely that those feelings
would go away. Nick had managed to not let those feelings affect him; Richard
was able to not feel anything in Mickey’s opinion. It was Nick who would
sometimes help Mickey with those thoughts. It didn’t help all the time, and
most of the time he would look in the mirror and think to himself that he
deserved what had happened to him. But of course his therapist always told
Mickey that he didn’t deserve anything his father had done to him; that no one
could deserve the kind of punishment and treatment which he had experienced
during the years of his childhood.
 
 
Mickey was pretty sure that even his siblings, and his boyfriend and his
boyfriend's’ sister Debbie would have said that exact same thing to him. But no
matter what they would say to him, he still felt uncleaned. He felt like he was
nothing more than a used up person. More often than not recently, Mickey had
started to question why Ian even loved him? Why was Ian with him? Why? Simply,
Why? Mickey felt like he didn’t deserve to be loved; that he didn’t deserve
people loving him. Mickey wanted desperately to slip back into that black hole
again and never come out of it. But that got him in trouble way too many times
to count. If his integration was going to work, he had to find another way of
coping with his feelings and the thoughts that lied, swirling inside of his
head. From time to time he would rub his forearm; he sometimes even dug his
nails into his skin. It helped to prevent the pain he was feeling; it helped
him to control something other than him trying to control his mind. He needed
to know and feel something that was real to him. As weird as it may sound it
sometimes helped. The memories that lay in there, in his head taunted him day
in and day out. It was the same thing he had always done when he was younger.
He remembered always doing it; he wanted to control something other than the
memories and the horrific dreams he dreamt.
 
 
Mickey was at his loft apartment by himself that night. He was supposed to stay
at Ian’s and Debbie’s but he got into a small fight with Ian. He didn’t want to
be around him or anyone so he left. Now that he thought about it as he was
lying in bed by himself, he couldn’t remember what they fought about. But all
he wanted to do was be alone and think to himself.
 
 
Mickey was lying down in his bed and was looking up at the ceiling. It was for
him, as if time had stopped. He ended up having another bad dream. More like a
memory, and all he wanted to do was be alone, yet he didn’t want to be alone.
He honestly didn’t want to think of anything horrible. He just wanted a good
night’s rest for once. That didn’t come so easily to him. He got up to wash his
face again and looked in the mirror. “You look like shit Mick.” he said to
himself.
 
 
Mickey somehow got to sleep again after cleaning himself up. This time it was
thanks to the medication that was given to him to help him sleep. For some
reason he was trying hard to fight his sleep. It was as if he wanted to sleep,
but he was too scared to. Eventually sleep won over him and slept…
 
                                     *****
 
Ian knew that Mickey wanted to be alone, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that
Mickey needed him. Plus he needed to hear and see his boyfriend. He felt bad
about their fight they had earlier. They fought over something really stupid.
Ian had wanted to go out with some of his co-workers and bring Mickey along.
However Mickey wasn’t in the mood, so Ian said it was fine even though for him
it wasn’t. But he didn’t want to make Mickey feel bad, so Ian told Mickey he
would see him later. From there an argument started, though Ian had no idea
whatsoever how it had gone from inviting his boyfriend out to be with his
friends from work, to Mickey saying that Ian was too good for him and that his
friends would know that Mickey wasn’t worth shit.
 
 
It was an emotional roller coaster for both men, and yet neither one of them
knew how an argument came about from it. However, Ian wanted to check up on
Mickey and make sure he was okay, and maybe talk things out. At least if Ian
saw that Mickey was okay, or even heard that he was fine, then Ian would be
fine as well. Mickey could tell him to go fuck off afterwards if he didn’t want
Ian to stay. Ian didn’t mind that, just as long as he made sure Mickey was
okay. Ian just wanted to make sure Mickey was okay and fine. He knew Mickey
hadn’t been having the best couple of months recently and even though he saw
his niece recently, he still sometimes became sad, distant, or even pissed off
at things. Ian felt as though Mickey was getting into arguments with him on
purpose, pushing him away and making himself distant. Ian wasn’t having any of
that, so he would push back and continues to be by Mickey’s side no matter
what. Especially like last week after his therapy session with Dr. Jimenez.
Mickey had come back upset, then all of sudden he locked himself in his room.
Ian tried to talk to him, but Mickey ignored him. Ian just pushed and pushed
until Mickey and him got into an argument, where it had ended with him holding
his boyfriend close to him, telling Mickey he wasn’t going anywhere and that
Ian would be there for him no matter what.
 
 
So again, here’s Ian was at Mickey’s apartment; he knows his boyfriend was
home. He just doesn’t know if he is still in a shitty mood or not. Ian lets
himself inside Mickey’s apartment. As Ian walks inside the apartment, it’s
dark. All the lights are off except for the one in the sala, where the small
lamp light is on. Ian sighs quietly to himself. He takes his shoes off, and
removes his jacket to hang it up on the wall. Ian walks further into the
apartment and sees that Mickey’s bedroom door is open. He walks toward Mickey
door quietly. He was trying to not startle Mickey if he was up and he didn’t
want to wake him up if he was already sleeping. Ian knew that Mickey was having
a difficult time sleeping so any sleep he got was a blessing.  
 
 
Ian leans against the doorway and just watches Mickey sleep. Of course to
anyone it would look creepy, but he couldn’t help but stay put where he was at
and watch his boyfriend sleep. Just as Ian was about to leave and go crash on
the sofa, Ian hears Mickey whimpering in his sleep. Ian turns around and walks
inside Mickey’s room towards his bed.
 
 
Mickey was moving around, thrashing around and crying in his sleep. He was
sweating and then started to breathe fast. “No, no please stop!” Ian hears
Mickey. Ian goes to wake Mickey up. He shakes him at first and calls to him
trying hard to wake him up. “Get off me! Get the fuck off me!” Mickey yells out
from his sleep with his eyes still closed.
 
 
Frantically Ian tries harder to wake Mickey up from his sleep. “Babe, wake up.
Mickey baby I need you to get up.” Ian says as he tries shaking Mickey awake.
“Hey, Mick-Mick hey wake-up. Come on baby I need you to wake up! It’s just a
dream okay! Mickey it’s just a dream, wake up!” Ian says as he forces Mickey to
get up.
 
Mickey was now moving more in his sleep, fighting Ian. Then suddenly his eyes
shoot open and he sits up screaming. “STOP IT! STOP! I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT!
LE-LEAVE ME ALONE!” Mickey yells out crying.
 
 
Ian grabs a hold of Mickey’s face and tries to help him focus as he speaks to
him. “It’s me baby, it’s Ian, hey-it’s me okay. No one is here! Just me! It’s
just me okay! Mickey it’s me okay, it’s Ian! Look at me baby, look at me okay.
You’re just having a nightmare!” Ian says to Mickey trying to get him to focus
on him. “It’s me-It’s your Ian Mick.” Ian says in a low whisper as Mickey looks
at him with tears coming down his face.
 
 
“Ian…Ian it’s you?” Mickey asked Ian, and before Ian could answer him, Mickey
leans in and kisses Ian. He kisses Ian hard and holds onto him tightly. As
they’re kissing one another, things start to heat up between both men. Mickey
goes to grab Ian’s shirt and lift it over his head. Ian just kisses Mickey and
tries to ground him the best he can. When Mickey goes to undo Ian’s zipper in
his pants, Ian stops him.
 
 
“Whoa-whoa wait a second Mick” Ian tried to say to Mickey, but Mickey wasn’t
listening to him. Ian tried again to stop Mickey, but Mickey still wasn’t
listening to him. Just as Mickey managed to push Ian’s pants off with all the
strength he got, Ian pinned Mickey down to the bed and held his wrist tightly
down to the bed. Ian was breathing hard, and so was Mickey. “STOP!” Ian tells
Mickey as he’s looking down at him. Mickey was looking up at Ian shocked with
wide eyes. For a moment neither men moved, and all you heard in the room with
heavy breathing. Mickey went to make a move, to lean forward towards Ian and
kiss him again, but Ian stopped him. “No! Mickey stop!” Ian pleaded with
Mickey, who still hadn’t said a word to Ian.
 
 
Ian let Mickey’s wrist go, as he sits up on his knees and looks down at Mickey.
Mickey pushes himself up with his elbows and looks at Ian. Mickey reaches out
to Ian and caresses his cheek. He then leans into Ian and kisses him softly.
When he breaks the kiss, he leans his head forward together with Ian’s, with
his eyes still closed. Mickey then leans back slightly and kisses Ian roughly
again, this time holding him. “Make me forget” Mickey mumbles to Ian as he
pushes Ian’s boxers off “Make me forget what I know.” Mickey says against Ian’s
lips “Make it feel good Red.” Mickey says again as he leans back on the bed,
bringing Ian with him. Once Ian manages to break the kiss from Mickey, he looks
down at his boyfriend confused and slightly frightened. Mickey was just having
a bad dream and now he wanted to have sex. That couldn’t be right. “Please”
Mickey says in a whisper to Ian, as his eyes are glassy.    
 
Ian was conflicted on what to do; on whether or not to give Mickey what he
wants or stop this all together. Ian goes and kisses Mickey soft at first, but
then Mickey roughly grabs him and turns him around. Soon all clothes are off
and Mickey’s on Ian. Ian lays still as Mickey takes over, not even paying
attention to Ian. His mind spaces out as they’re having sex. It happened so
fast for Ian, that he couldn’t tell you or himself how they went from kissing
so fast to Mickey manhandling him in bed. Mickey was rough, rougher than he
ever was before in bed. He grabs Ian and drags him up from his sitting position
as he continues to ride him. “Pull my hair” Mickey says breathless
 
 
“What?” Ian says instantly.
 
 
“Go ahead pull it.” Fucking pulling it!” Mickey tells Ian. So Ian does it, and
Mickey gasps “Fuck” as he continues to ride Ian. Mickey bites Ian’s shoulder
scratching, his back as he whispers in his ear things Ian has never heard
Mickey say to him “You like that don’t you?” He says “Like it when I beg for
it, when I fight with you and we fuck huh? Or do you like it when I’m
screaming” Mickey tells Ian. “Oh no, I bet you like it when you fuck me so hard
that I’m crying like the little slut I am right. You want me to be that Ian.
Want me to be that used up whore?” Mickey says as he holds Ian’s hand down as
they were on his hips while he makes Ian put pressure on them. “I bet you like
this right? Like marking me up so that everyone knows who I belong to? How I
belong to you? You like that don’t you Ian? You want them to know, what kind
of-” Mickey says, but Ian cuts him off as he pushes Mickey off of him.
 
 
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ian said
 
 
“What? Not into talking while fucking?” Mickey said sarcastically. “How about a
little choking” Mickey said to Ian as if it was nothing. And when Ian didn’t
responded quick enough Mickey continued on talking. “No! Okay, you can just
fuck me then. You want that right? Everyone wants that.”
 
 
Ian looks at Mickey as if he'd grown two different heads. “No! Mickey what the
fuck is wrong with you?” Ian nearly yells out at Mickey.
 
 
“What? You don’t want to fuck a used up person right?! You want someone better,
someone who isn’t as fucked up as I am!” Mickey said
 
 
Ian shakes his head “No Mick, what is up with you? I want you!” Ian says to
Mickey as he tries to reach for him to hug him.
 
“No!” Mickey says as he pushes Ian away and was shaking his head as he yells at
Ian now. “You don’t fucking get it! No one does okay! No one fucking gets it!”
 
 
“Then explain to me Mickey! Explain! For fuck sake, explain and tell me! Why
would you say that to me? Let me just fucking help you for once-god just let me
fucking help you.” Ian said desperately.
 
 
Mickey looks at Ian with sad eyes, with tears threatening to come out. “Don’t
you get it! No one can help me…..I’m fucking ruined… you’re stuck with someone
who’s broken and you deserve someone who’s not, okay?” Mickey said to Ian
emotionally. “I’m not…you deserve better, more okay? Just go and leave…..it’s
okay to leave me. I get it, okay.” Mickey said lowly to Ian. He wanted to give
Ian a way out, a way out of all this chaos.
 
 
Ian looked at Mickey shocked and frowned. “Say’s who?....huh Mickey, says who?
Why do I deserve better and not you? Why are you doing this?” Ian asked Mickey
calmly, keeping his emotions in check. There was something bothering Mickey,
and Mickey wasn’t telling him. He wasn’t opening up and Ian knew that was hard
for Mickey to do. But he’d be damned if the man he loved and had fought for was
going to push him away. Fuck that!
 
 
Mickey was silent for a moment. He looks away from Ian trying his best to
compose himself, but fails as the tears start to come out of his eyes.
“Me….says me okay….you don’t want me. I don’t even want me.” Mickey sighs as he
looks at Ian for a quick moment then looks away from him again. “Ian, I don’t
want to be me okay….no one gets that….No one gets that those dreams I have are
memories…” Mickey said low and sad. His mind went blank as he spoke, all of his
emotions pouring out of him like a broken glass jar full of water. “Memories of
what they did to me! How I tried and tried again to fucking fight them over and
over again to just give up.” Mickey said looking at Ian. “I gave up and let
them do anything they wanted to me….sometimes I didn’t even fight. I just let
them have their way with me.” Mickey said looking directly in Ian’s eyes,
before he turned around and wiped the tears from his face.
 
 
“Mickey…babe” Ian said as he tries to talk again, but then Mickey cut him off.
 
 
Mickey suddenly becomes pissed off. “No-No okay!” Mickey yells at Ian as he
turns around to look at Ian. “You wanna know what the fuck they did huh?”
Mickey nearly screams at him.
 
 
“Mickey-” Ian says calmly yet warily, giving Mickey a confused look. Yes, this
had come out recently as Mickey’s nightmares of his past kept coming up. As
Mickey had kept to himself more and more, Ian thought that talking about what
happened to him with him would help him more. Even though Mickey was seeing his
therapist, Ian wanted to help Mickey in some way. So he had asked Mickey a few
times if he wanted to talk about what had happened to him as a child. Sometimes
Mickey would simply say ‘no’, other times him and Ian got into an argument
about it, or and sometimes Mickey would give Ian a look, and when he did Ian
wouldn’t say anything more about it.
 
 
“No!” Mickey said cutting Ian off and continued on talking “You said explain
right! So I’m fucking explaining! You wanna know how they just took turns with
him me, huh?” Mickey starts saying and there was no stopping him now. With
tears coming down his face as he spoke to Ian; if he wanted to know so bad then
he was going to tell him. “How they slapped me around when I didn’t do
something they asked? Or better yet Ian, how they fucking went ahead and would
hold me down to do whatever the fuck it was they wanted to do! How each person
including that fat fuck of a father of mine, would take turns doing shit to me!
Whether it was burning me, or cutting me or fucking-fucking me, hitting me with
a belt over and over again till the pain felt non-existent!” Mickey said
harshly. “Huh! You wanna fucking know how they fucking took a stick Ian! A
Fucking Stick and they used it on me.” Mickey said weakly as more tears came
down his face. “How-how they” Mickey choked out as he was speaking to Ian. “H-
How they fucking -fucked me…(Mickey took a deep breath for a moment, trying
hard to compose himself)…how they played with me over and over again,
videotaping it and laughing at me as I cried for them to stop! I begged them to
stop!” Mickey said wiping his face glaring at Ian. “How I (He said pointing to
himself now) fucking got off on things they did to me…” (And for a moment the
room felt like it got silent). “Got off on it when they did shit to me because
that’s what happened Ian!” Mickey yelled out. “Because that was it Ian….they
did all sorts of shit to me, and I fought it, I fucking fought it all till I
couldn’t anymore and I let them do it to me! And I got off on it! How each time
they took a picture of me, or videotaped me; how I just let that shit happened!
Never telling anyone! Not one goddamn fucking person. I just took it because we
had no choice but to take it!” Mickey said crying to himself backing away from
Ian. Mickey looks at Ian and hissed out “You happy now huh? You know!” Mickey
turns around and releases a long breath that he didn’t even know he had been
holding. “..... Now you know…Now you know some of the sick shit your boyfriend
went through and guess what Ian?” Mickey said calmly at first. “I got off on
it!” Mickey screams out at Ian and walks backwards till his back hit the wall
and he slid down the wall and began to cry harder. “I didn’t want any of it…I
didn’t want them to touch me, or feel anything of what they did to me…(Mickey
was crying harder now) I wish I didn’t remember what they did to me. I wished I
didn’t feel this way……Th-th-they took it all away-they kept it from me-me”
Mickey said coughing out as he was trying to catch his breath from crying.
“They protected me for so long a-a-and I know why. It hurts so much….so much to
remember.” Mickey said to himself out loud lowly as he was crying, holding
himself.
 
 
Mickey didn’t notice straight away that Ian was next to him holding him
tightly, trying hard to calm his partner down. Mickey held on to Ian for dear
life, and cried till he couldn’t cry anymore. He thought that pushing Ian and
everyone else away would prevent him from feeling heartbroken. Because sooner
or later, Ian would leave him because he would see how broken, used up and
wasted Mickey was. They all would leave him. It was something Mickey feared,
and knew his heart wouldn’t be able to take that kind of pain. His siblings
were his life, but Ian was something more, something special to him…and if he
lost that after finding it? Well then maybe there is such a thing as dying of a
broken heart. So why not nip it in the ass now and get it over with. But
apparently Ian wasn’t letting go of Mickey, and a part of Mickey loved him even
more for that.
 
 
 
Mickey had eventually cried himself to sleep in Ian’s arms, and Ian let him.
Ian carried Mickey to their bed and laid him down covering him up tightly. Ian
looked at Mickey as he slept, and wondered how anyone could do something like
that to a child, to Mickey of all people. How could someone that was supposed
to love and care for you, someone who was supposed to protect you, do that to
another person? Ian knew Frank wasn’t the best dad, but he would never do what
Mickey’s father did to him or any of his siblings. Ian swore right then and
there, that he would love Mickey till the day he died. He would show him that
he was worth loving, worth being loved, and worth having around. No matter how
much the younger Milkovich would push him or how much he would start a fight to
push Ian away, Ian decided that he would push right back. Mickey Milkovich
wasn’t getting rid of him that easily. Mickey of all people should know that by
now, I mean look at their history for pete’s sake! After everything they been
through, he definitely should have known that.
 
 
                                     *****
 
“It was this one time….Terry lent me out to this guy. I still remember how the
guy smelt,… of grease and slime…how his skin felt so rough and it was
disgusting.” Mickey said looking away from his therapist as he was recalling
the event of his childhood. “…..he uh, he had me for a weekend.” Mickey
continued on saying as he was now staring at the wall trying hard to stare out
at nothing. “I was like 10……Fresh young meat he called me, fucker thought I was
fresh meat. Jokes on him right?” Mickey said now looking at his therapist
“Terry been using me for years. I was far from fresh” Mickey said bitterly.
“Asshole told me, I was going to have a good time.” Mickey said now as his
voice became small. He started trembling as he continued on speaking. “The
first night he tied me up and recorded me….when he was done with me, he left me
there tied up….I didn’t cry or anything. Nick, he ah…I mean I-I didn’t show any
emotions as we got older. He hides it well, we hid it well.” Mickey says as he
tries to correct himself. Being more than one person was still a challenge for
him, but all in all, he was grateful in a way for his alters…slightly. “I tried
to tell him to stop….” Mickey stopped talking for a moment and tried really
hard to not run away from this memory he had. He had a habit of stopping half
way through his session with Dr. Jimenez when he would be recalling memories of
his past. He tried telling her sometimes of the things that had happened and
how it made him feel, but it was always hard, and it was getting harder. But
after a few moments of Mickey breathing calmly and battling himself internally,
he spoke again and this time he didn’t look at his doctor. Mickey stood looking
at the table trying hard to not shed a tear as he spoke now. “Nick tried to
tell him to stop because it was hurting so bad… He ah-he penetrated me, with no
lube, no prep and it hurt so bad.” Mickey said wiping his eyes and looking down
at his lap as he was playing with his fingers nervously.
 
 
 
Doctor Jimenez passed Mickey a box of tissues and just sat there waiting for
Mickey to continue. Just when things started to progress it felt like Mickey
was going back. This was a concern for her, Doctor Jimenez worried about
pushing Mickey too far to remember, and she worried of how much of a strain
this was putting on him mentally. For Mickey the thing was that he knew he
needed the help, however remembering so much made him feel so ashamed of what
happened to him as a child. Telling anyone was a scary thought to him. Dr.
Jimenez knew this, so she would push a little, but not too much and let Mickey
go at his own pace. He was thankful for that. As long as he was talking about
it, dealing with it while in therapy and coming to terms that what had happened
to him was not his fault; that was what he needed to do, that was what his
doctor wanted him to do.
 
 
Mickey knew he needed to face his demons and come to terms with everything that
had happened to him and not just some of the things that happened. He needed
not to pretend anymore, he needed not to think of these memories as bad dreams,
No! He needed to understand that this had happened to him! That this was the
reason why his mind had split; why he dissociated out into a split
personalities, which is his defense mechanism. His Doctor, his siblings, and
Ian all said that he was strong, but he needed to see that. Dr. Jimenez needed
Mickey to see that he was the victim and that he didn’t look for any of this;
an innocent child was who he was. Innocent! Mickey needed to understand that,
and Dr. Jimenez was helping him to see that slowly but surely.
 
 
“He kept a toy in me…and it was so uncomfortable. His, a-his wife, she uh-she
was with him.” After that statement, there was a long silence. Mickey was
looking at the floor as he was remembering in his mind, reliving the events of
that day. “She lay on the bed next to me……he untied me and he made me get on
her…I was slapped around by both of them when I refused or was too slow…..he
held my face up to look at the camera every time, but I gave them no emotion…I
stared straight at him with so much hate. I wanted him dead; (Mickey hissed out
as he spoke) I wanted both of them dead….” Mickey was getting more upset as he
spoke.
 
 
“He fucked me, while I fucked her.” he bitterly said. Suddenly, Mickey was
laughing hysterically to himself which worried Dr. Jimenez a bit. But then she
saw the tears spilling from Mickey’s eyes and it made her heart hurt even more.
“He was there you know….Terry.” Mickey said, as he looked up at his doctor. “He
was recording and the son of bitch was getting off on it…..I remembered when
they were done with me, how they gave him an envelope with money and said that
every month they wanted me for a weekend….So every month they got me for a
weekend and either they would record or not…either way they used me like
whore.” He said lowly and looked away “This one time…” Mickey said sitting
straight up now. “...this one time I got sick while I was with them. I threw up
after I was forced to give a blow job. I hated it, the way they forced my mouth
down and the way they made me stay there…..I wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t
say anything. I got sick and threw up. There was an argument and Terry took me
back home…Mandy was home that time, and I remember Terry telling her to take
care of me because I had a fever…she did, she took care of me.” Mickey said
looking up at his doctor and smiling. “I wanted to tell her where I was, what
he was doing to me……but then I slipped and I was me again. It was as if Nick
wanted me to say something. Like he wanted to say something, but, but- he felt
like he couldn’t count on her. Or on anyone really.” Mickey said looking back
up at the doctor. “She took care of me, like she always did when I got sick.”
Mickey said smiling.
 
 
Mickey smiled at the memory of Mandy helping him sit up and eat his soup, or
when she gave him medicine for his fever. He smiled gently when he remembered
the time he threw up and she was there to help clean him up. Mandy had asked
him where had all the marks on his body come from a few times. At that time,
Mickey honestly didn’t remember. Nick would be gone and he would be left alone
thinking of how he got the cut on his arm, or how the bruises on his arms and
legs got there, or why it would hurt for him to sit down. Mickey would tell
Mandy he didn’t know or didn’t remember. Mandy would tell him that he is always
getting into things and hurting himself. He was clumsy sometimes, so he figured
it was because of that, however at that time he didn’t know his body was being
used. But now he did; now he remembered and now it made him sicker.
 
 
“There was this doctor…he um, he was one of what Terry called his ‘favorite
people …..He was the guy on the film, that you guys found.” Mickey said looking
up again. He was nervous; he was always nervous and fidgety when talking about
any of this. “Whenever someone broke skin and tore me…Terry had him look at me.
His payment was always me. Since day one it was always me. He would inspect me
for bruises and cuts and sometimes Terry would randomly just take a cigarette
and burn me with it for kicks…or just punch me whenever he felt like it…at the
time I was Me, I was Mickey and I wasn’t split and I figured it was because I
would accidentally spill his beer, or that I would be in his way…or that I was
even alive” Mickey said. pushing the palm of his hand in his eyes and wiping
them so he wouldn’t cry. He calmed his breathing and continued to talk.
 
 
“…I was like a fucking human punching bag for him. If I wasn’t his sexual toy I
was his bag….” Mickey said and chuckled darkly “Ain’t that some shit” he said
angrily. “Anyway…see the-a… the good old doctor, he (Mickey exhaled quickly as
he spoke) he would, he would fucking patch me up and then do whatever he
wanted.” Mickey looked at Charlene and sat back “Why do you think Nick was
always such a prick to you or anyone at the hospital when we were there?” he
asked her. “It was because he didn’t trust doctors…I still don’t trust them.”
Mickey looked away and said bitterly “The good old doctor would love it when I
refused to do anything…he always said ‘he loved a disobedient boys’ he always
made me sick after being with him.” Mickey said and sat back on the sofa and
just looked more exhausted than he had in a long time. The session was over,
and both him and Dr. Jimenez knew Mickey was done for the day.
 
 
 
As the weeks went on, the sessions with his therapist were coming along slowly
but surely. Mickey wanted to move on from the memories of his past. But the
late night nightmares and the crying in his sleep were still happening, just
not as often. The withdrawal from his siblings and Ian made it hard. Many times
he just wanted to be alone, many times he found himself thinking and wondering
why Ian was with him? After their last encounter with everything and Mickey
telling him what his father and those men had done to him, Mickey felt like him
and Ian were a bit strong together. Still a part of him wanted to close off. It
just felt much safer if he did. But Ian wouldn’t let him do that.
 
 
At times Mickey wondered to himself. ‘Why was he alive, why did this happen to
him? What did he do to deserve what happened to him?’ It was times like these
he wondered if living was even worth it, but Mickey knew he wanted to live! It
was just so painful with the memories and thoughts he remembered. He
appreciated Nick a hell of lot more now than he ever had. He was Nick and Nick
was him, he was Rick and he was little Mick all in one; he wondered to himself,
“if he could go back, would he want to remember everything and integrate like
he did? Would he do it again or would he not?” Part of Mickey told himself not
to think like that. Sure he lived with the thoughts of a monster, a man who did
this to him, a man was supposed to be his dad, and not the monster he feared.
The monster took away everything innocent inside of him, Mickey felt. His
innocence, his childhood, his happiness, his hopes and love and had turned it
into something so dark and horrible that it haunted him and every fucking day
is a struggle to get out of bed and look at himself in the mirror and not see
something worthless and disgusting. Who the fuck does that? What kind of
person, takes away something from you such as a light and give you nothing but
darkness and pain…A monster…his father was a monster who had used him.
 
 
Then Mickey would think back to everything that he has now. He has a boyfriend
who is amazing, and annoying. A man who loves him unconditionally, fiercely! A
man, who literally has stuck by his side through everything and continues to do
so. Even when Mickey pushed him away and even tried to give him a way out. He
loves that about Ian so much. And his siblings! He has his siblings who are
always there for him, they’re all the greatest. He has a great job that he
loves; he’s made friends even, some of them who are from the club he used to
dance in oddly. Isn’t that something! Mickey has his own little family…he
wonders if he could make that family even bigger someday….who knows?
 
 
Today everyone was the Gallagher house simply enjoying a good time, eating and
drinking. The family was all here and Mickey was looking around at them all. He
smiled to himself and knew. He just knew what he needed to do next.
 
 
Chapter End Notes
     so that happen. What i can give you for next chapter hmmm love fluff
     and romantic gestures. I know I'm being sappy! Ewwww lol Also at the
     beginning of the chapter is from a Song called DNA BY Lia Marie
     Johnson. OMG that song hit home for me and I felt it would for Mickey
     as well. Check it out on youtube or download her song. Heres a link
     so you guys can hear it if you want.
     https://youtu.be/4Y7pRYhvOBU
***** And I could not ask for More! *****
Chapter Notes
     Soooo I know I was suppose to have this up a few month ago . However
     life got ahead of me and with school and working on the play and
     having a job full time can be crazy. Now I am not sure if I will have
     two more chapters left or just 1. I am however making a part 2 but
     that will be in the works as time goes on. I still am working on my
     other Fic Life Unexpected which many of you love. I don't abandon my
     work and I plan to finish it all. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
      
     A few notes the italic words are past events and the bold with
     underlining are notes Mickey gives to Ian. Now a lot of this is real
     life events that has happened to me so I figured why not put it in a
     chapter that needs some fluffiness lol. This is not beta as it is a
     give to my Beta Lianne whom I love and miss so much. I am also
     dedicating this chapter to my love and close friend Claudia. I miss
     her dearly and soon we will see one another again me, her, Lianne and
     Davina. Meeting them last year to see Cam was amazing. Best part of
     my trip was meeting my friends. Finally I want to dedicate this
     chapter to Saleha. Shes amazing and I love her and shes the best.
     Seriously she kind heart and fierce. All my mains are which is why I
     love them dearly.
      
     Okay enough of me chit chatting on here. I hope you enjoy this
     chapter.
     Thanks for sticking around guys! Love you all seriously.
      
     PS. Listen to this song before you read it or while your reading it.
     I recommend it since its their song for me.
     Edwin McCain-I could not ask for more
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPXRJkla7fI
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Mickey looks on over at Ian’s bedside table and sees the time on the clock. It
reads 8:04am. Mickey was finally awake and staring up at the sealing. He’s been
planning Ian’s birthday present for a while now. He just hopes that the outcome
of it will be what they both want. So things have been going really good and
Mickey wants it to stay that way. Last night was amazing, him and Ian made love
for hours last night. Their bodies were in synced with one another, as Mickey
was lying under Ian, and Ian was thrusting in hard yet slowly inside of Mickey.
Mickey was panting hard holding onto Ian. Their eyes connected with one
another, and neither man looked away from one another as they both hit their
blissful release together. Last night was an example of just exactly what
Mickey wanted to have for the rest of his life. And that was Love. 
 
 
Ian was still asleep as he was facing Mickey now.  Mickey was just looking at
Ian sleep; as creepy as it was, he couldn’t look away from him as he slept. Ian
was sleeping on his stomach with his arms wrapped under the pillow that he was
lying down on with his mouth slightly opened. Mickey can’t help but count the
freckles on his face as he was smiling at Ian and for a few moments Mickey
takes the time to look at Ian and watch him sleep.  Ian looks so peaceful, so
gentle that Mickey wants to wake him up but decides not to. Mickey gets up from
the bed slowly and carefully seeing as Ian is somewhat of a light sleep. Mickey
goes to his bathroom quietly closing the door behind him. He brushes his teeth
and washing his face real quick before he goes back into his room, to his
boyfriend who is shockingly still asleep. Most of the times whenever Mickey
gets up from their bed when they’re sleeping, Ian will notice right away and
get up. Today however was a different story. It could be because Mickey kept
Ian up last night with wanting to do various things. Mickey smiles to himself
as he remembers last night.
 
Last Night
“Babe! Where are you?” Ian shouted out as he enters Mickeys’ apartment.
 
“In here!” Mickey shouted back to Ian from the back room. Mickey was going over
paperwork for the shop.
 
Ian enters Mickey’s back room and sits down on the bean bag he has in his
office. “What are you doing?”
 
“Fucking paperwork for the shop, which apparently my fucking sister can’t do!”
Mickey said to Ian while still looking at his computer screen. “Bitch said I
had to do it because she did all the work when I was sick! She’s such a fucking
bitch!” Mickey said looking at Ian now who was looking at Mickey with a small
smile on his face. He secretly loved it when Mickey would rant on about
anything and everything. God he really was in love with this man. “So I told
her dumb ass that it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t do my job.  Then she said
‘tough shit!’ Bitch is lucky I didn’t do anything when I was sick. All I wanted
to do was fuck, party, and fuck! Most likely I would have used up a shit tone
of money anyways.” Mickey said looking back at the computer to see something.
 
Ian looked at Mickey and laughed. “But you did use up a shit tone of money!”
 
Mickey looks up at Ian “You’re on her fucking side?” Mickey said ignoring Ian’s
comment of the shit tone of money that he did spend.
 
Ian stopped laughing and looked at Mickey with puppy dog eyes. “No! I’m just
saying you did use a shit tone of money and did a lot of stuff!” Ian said as a
matter of fact to Mickey giving him an innocent smile.
 
Mickey sits back and leans on his chair while looking at Ian and smiling. “Yeah
I did. And I remember doing it. I also remember doing it a lot when your
fucking ass came around.” Mickey said smiling at Ian wiggling his eyebrows at
him.
 
“Oh so you’re blaming me for all this?” Ian said gesturing to Mickey and his
work.
 
“Yeah I am and you should be fucking help me out with it!” Mickey shot back at
Ian.
 
“And how the fuck-do I do that?” Ian asked
 
“Easy” Mickey said getting up from his desk and walks over to Ian. “I am
stressed aaaaand…my doctor says I can’t be stressed out like this. So you know.
I can have a relapse and we don’t want that now do we.” Mickey said in an
innocent voice looking down at Ian.
 
Mickey lies down next to Ian and brushes his hair back from his face. Ian
smiles and looks at Mickey with half tired eyes. “Morning” Ian said looking at
Mickey with those eyes, those eyes that always makes Mickey melt away.
 
Mickey leans forward and kisses Ian passionately. “Morning baby.” Mickey said
softly “I’m going to get up. Make you and me breakfast in bed. Then were going
to take a shower and Netflix it out for half of the day and then you and me are
going to go out on a date for your birthday. Okay.” Mickey said to Ian.
 
“Okay.” Ian said smiling trying to hide his face in his pillow. Suddenly Mickey
goes and smacks Ian ass and runs out of the room to the kitchen to go make them
breakfast. All the while as Ian then gets up and runs after Mickey.
                                  ***********
 
The day went as planned. Mickey and Ian had breakfast in bed among other things
foods were eaten off of body parts. Which lead to both men having a round of
playful banter and that led to them both taking a shower with one another to
save water of course. Not that they didn’t have sex in the bathroom twice but
it was an active day.  So now it was about 2pm and Ian and Mickey were getting
ready for their date. Mickey was nervous yet he was excited as well, but more
nervous than ever.  “So just…just trust that it will all make sense okay…just
if I’m acting like an ass or dick tell me. I honestly don’t mean to. I just
want shit to be perfect and no don’t ask what I mean okay? You said you trusted
me so trust that I got you.” Was all that Mickey said to Ian that evening as
they were getting ready for their date; everything was going as planned.
 
 
Ian simply nodded his head. “Okay yeah, yeah sure whatever you say.” Ian said.
He was curious about why Mickey was being so nervous but he knew his birthday
going to be special today. It was when he woke up next to Ian.
 
 
Mickey nodded his head and gets up from where he was sitting at. “Okay.” Mickey
said as he wrote something down on a piece of paper and folds it in his hand.
“Be where you’re supposed to be at tonight at 8pm sharp and don’t be fucking
late.” Mickey said as he went to walk out the room, but stopped and turned to
Ian. “Oh and wear something nice okay? Something casual but nice yeah!” Mickey
said as he left the room leaving Ian looking back at him with a puzzled look on
his face for a few moments.
 
 
A little bit later that day as the time was approaching for Ian and Mickey to
get ready, Ian had left to go do a few errands for a couple of hours. Ian
didn’t say anything more about Mickey being weird, but he did want to talk to
him about it. It was just a regular day for Ian. Ian’s birthday was nothing
special to him. All he wanted to do was celebrate it with Mickey and have fun
while doing it.  So when Ian got back to Mickeys apartment he went to go find
Mickey to ask him where did he have to meet him at for tonight and why? He
wanted to tell him that all he wanted to do was just grab a bite to eat and be
home with him.  But when Ian got to Mickey’s apartment he was met with Mandy
instead of his boyfriend. Mandy said Mickey left and that she was to make sure
that he got ready for tonight. Ian looked at her and Mandy gave him an innocent
smile. Ian went into their room and found that there were clothes already laid
out for him.
 
Nice pair of blue jean, new in fact. They still had the tags on them and a
button up long sleeve white shirt. Ian looked at the clothes and looked around
the room for any clues but found nothing. Ian saw the time on the bedside alarm
clock and decided he should get ready. When he was showered and dressed up, he
went to go ask Mandy something but found the apartment loft completely empty.
However, there was a note at the door and it said:
 
“Lying_here_with_you._Listening_to_the_rain._Smiling_just_to_see_the_smile_upon
your_face._These_are_the_moments_I_thank_god_that_I’m_alive._These_are_the
moments_I’ll_remember_all_my_life._I_found_all_I’ve_waited_for._And_could_not
ask_for_more.”_The_first_time_we_heard_this_song,_we_were_on_our_first_official
date._Your_tall_ass_made_me_dance_to_this_song…I_wanted_to_kick_your_ass_so
bad,_but_you_made_me_smile._And_you_were_cute_so_that_was_a_plus_in_your_favor.
Together_we_danced_just_us_two._We_heard_it_at_the_restaurant_and_smiled_at_one
another. _And_you_said_‘I_must_be_the_luckiest_man_in_the_world.’_And_I_said
‘no_I_am’. _Go_to_the_place_where_we_ended_up_that_night._That’s_if_you_can
remember_Red_;).’”
Sincerely Yours
Mickey.
 
Ian looks at the note again, re-reading it over a few times. Their first
official date had been a funny one. Ian didn’t want to do the classic dinner
and movie, thing. No Ian wanted to blow Mickey’s mind away because they were
starting over. Ian recalls that day like it was yesterday.
 
 
Ian was nervous; he was standing in front of Mickey’s apartment door for a good
10 minutes before he knocked on the door. Ian had just been here a few days
ago, he had just gotten Mickey back. They were starting over, fresh and new. So
Ian asked Mickey out on a date, to which Mickey said yes. So now here was Ian
in front of Mickeys’ door eternally freaking the fuck out. I mean they already
slept with one another, but they wanted to do it right. Well their form of
right and normal anyway; as normal as it could be for Mickey. Ian was wearing
dark blue denim jean pants, with a light grey button up shit, that wasn’t
tucked in. He had gotten a fresh hair cut that morning, and made sure he was
refreshed and looked good.  
 
 
Ian breathes in and out a few times before knocking on Mickeys door. He takes a
second to himself and looks down at his watch and sees he’s already late
because of his self-freak out session in the hallway for Mickeys apartment. He
then knocks on Mickeys’ door. He felt like he was waiting for like an eternity
for Mickey to answer the door. But once Mickey opened the door seeing him took
Ian’s breath away. Mickey was wearing nice dark blue faded denim jeans, a plan
white t-shirt with his leather jacket on him that fit just right. His hair was
spiked up; he had his earring on his right ear, he had on black eye liner that
made Ian weak at the knees. It always made his eyes pop out more. “Wow” was all
Ian said without knowing he did.
 
 
Mickey chuckled a little bit but smiled big none the less. “Um, thanks? You
don’t look so bad yourself Red.” Mickey said blushing at Ian’s comment.
 
 
Ian smiled and shook his head. “No I mean-you know I just…you look fuck hot
Mick.” Ian said giving Mickey a small laugh. “I mean, shit! Not that it’s a bad
thing- because it’s-not-but I mean…I’m gonna just shut up and stop putting my
foot in my mouth now!” Ian said laughing as he was rocking himself back and
forth.
 
Mickey smiled at Ian again watching him becomes flustered was funny to Mickey.
Mickey leaned towards Ian and gives him a quick kiss before stepping out of his
apartment and closing the door behind him. “So Red, where are we going
tonight?” Mickey asked as he was locking the door, as they were making their
way to the elevator. “We’re doing the whole classic movie and dinner thing?”
Mickey asked Ian as they waited for the elevator.
 
 
Ian shook his head in response. “Noooo! In fact, we are doing something
completely different. Except the dinner, because 1, I’m hungry and I’m sure you
are, and 2. I made reservations at the best spot in town.” Ian said smiling at
Mickey.
 
 
“Oh really? Okay. So you’re going to wine and dine me huh?” Mickey said teasing
Ian. “Sorry to break it to you Red! But uh, wining and dining me, won’t get you
into these pants.” Mickey said as he was gesturing to himself. “I’m not that
kind of guy you take into bed on the first date Gallagher!” Mickey said teasing
jokingly with Ian as they walked out of the building.
 
 
“Well, I already have.” Ian said coming back at Mickey
 
 
“Fuck you, you asshole” Mickey said playfully to Ian
 
“I have one.” Ian said and Mickey stopped and looked him “An asshole that is.”
Ian said laughing
 
Mickey laughed at Ian’s bad pun and shoved him playfully as he took his hand
and said. “Dick”
 
Ian laughed even harder “I have one of those too!”
 
“Oh My God, really?” Mickey said as he released his hand from Ian and continues
to walk ahead of Ian. Ian then comes from behind Mickey and held him by the
waste hugging him.
 
 
“Oh come on. You like my bad jokes.” Ian said kissing the side of Mickeys’
neck.
 
 
Mickey tried to fight the smile that was forming on his face from Ians’ charm,
but gave in. “Yeah so what if I do? It’s one of the things I love about you.”
Mickey said holding Ian’s hands in front of him as they walk together.
 
 
Ian stopped Mickey and pulled him to parking lot near Mickeys building. Mickey
figured Ian was driving his shitty car to where ever he was taking him out to.
But stopped and did a double take when he saw Ian go towards a motorcycle. Ian
grabbed both helmet from the motorcycle and goes to hands one to Mickey. He
stops when he sees Mickeys’ shocked expression but smirks smugly at him. 
“What?” Ian asked.
 
 
Mickey points at the motorcycle. “Since when do you ride these?” Mickey asked
 
 
“Since forever; let’s just say there are just somethings you still don’t know
about me yet Milkovich.” Ian said as he gets on the bike. As he’s about to put
on his helmet when Mickey stops him.
 
 
“Wait the fuck a minute? You’re driving?” Mickey asked
 
 
“Yeah why? I did rent the motorcycle, and I do have a license for it.” Ian said
to Mickey slightly blushing
 
 
“Yeah so do I, but I’ve been driving longer than you I bet.” Mickey tells Ian
 
 
“Oh yeah” Ian says getting off the bike and walks up to Mickey. “How long?” Ian
asked him.
 
“Since I was 16 Ian, I worked on these things like I do with cars. I know how
they think, how they move and everything. Beat that bitch!” Mickey says smugly
to Ian.
 
 
Ian nods his head and tosses the keys at Mickey “You got it.” Was all Ian said
smiling to himself. So far his plan was working at giving Mickey the best date
ever. “But do you even know where we are going?” Ian asked Mickey who then
paused and looked at Ian with a face. “Okay, okay ,okay fine.” Ian said and
gave Mickey the address to where they had to go.
 
 
Mickey looked at Ian weirdly as he looked at the address he gave him, but
smiled brightly at Ian anyway. Mickey and Ian got the bike putting their
helmets on and rode off soon after. When they got to their destination, Mickey
killed the engine to the bike and looked at Ian as he got off the bike. “This
was part of our date?” Mickey asked, and Ian looked at him like yeah going to
the restaurant was part of the date. But Mickey then motioned to the bike. “No
dumb ass, the bike. You don’t have a license to drive a motorcycle Ian.” Mickey
said out right.
 
 
Ian gets off the bike and reaches into his back pocket taking out his wallet.
He gets his license out and shows Mickey that he in fact does have a license.
“Before you ask, I got it a while back. When me and you weren’t a thing, and I
just wanted to live wild I guess. I figured I do it since I didn’t have you
anymore you know.” Ian said as he’s putting his licenses back in his wallet. “I
sort of missed you and I just…I don’t know. I did things that I felt would
bring me closer to you, if that makes any sense at all.” Ian said to Mickey
shyly.
 
 
Mickey gives Ian a small smile. “No, yeah I get it.” Mickey said and goes up to
Ian and kisses him. When they break the kiss Mickey is the first one to speak.
“So, we’re we going? You just gave me a general street to ride to. Nothing else
man.” Mickey said.
 
 
“Well.” Ian said as he grabs Mickeys hand and drags him down the street. “See,
I figured that if I was going to wine and dine you on our first of many dates.”
Ian said while wrapping his arms around Mickey bringing him close. “I figured I
go with something more, not so traditional, yet in a way traditional but
different.” Ian said smiling at Mickey as they stopped at their destinations.
 
 
Ian thinks back to the night again “Yeah. That’s has to be place. I mean, we
did go to a few places, but that has to be the place Mickey is talking about.”
Ian said to himself and heads out.
 
                                     *****
 
Ian gets to the diner where he took Mickey that very night on their first
date.  It wasn’t a fancy place, but it was nice. They had awesome burgers and
the drinks were actually great. As Ian remembers it, Mickey loved the food here
and was surprised that Ian even took him here for their first date.
 
 
“Here?” Mickey said looking at Ian.
 
 
“Yeah. I mean you mentioned it before that the service was good, plus I’m dying
to have a bacon cheese burger with extra bacon on it.” Ian said smiling at
Mickey as they made their way towards the door.
 
 
“Okay? But Ian, you don’t need a reservation for a place like this man. It’s
just a good bar that serves good fucking food and good drinks.” Mickey said as
he goes to open the door.
 
 
“Right, but this isn’t the only place I’m taking you to Mick. So time is of the
essence! Plus I did reserve us a booth here. And before you say anything I know
I didn’t need to, but I wanted to make sure we had a place to sit. I didn’t
want to be at the bar on our very first date and have nowhere to sit while we
eat and talk.” Ian said casually as they go to the booth that was waiting for
them. It had a little sign on it that said reserved and Mickey knew Ian must
have plained this and asked for a favor to do this from the owner. This bar
didn’t do reservation! What bar does really?
 
 
All Mickey could do was smile and look at Ian. “You think you’re cute and
clever don’t you?” Mickey asked Ian.
 
 
Ian gave Mickey a shocking face “Me? Clever? Noooo! Cute? Definitely! That I
am.” Ian said as he was waving down a waitress to take their order.
 
 
Just after their waitress took their order the song played from Edwin McCain.
Ian looked up at Mickey and smiled at him. That was the first time they did
hear that song.
 
 
Ian gets out of his car and walks towards the bar. Ian steps into the bar and
looks around to see if he can find Mickey. However, Mickey was nowhere in
sight. Just as Ian is about to step further inside, he’s stopped by a woman.
“Hold it there mister!” She said to him.
 
 
“Excuse me? Do I know you?” Ian asked the woman, who in fact did look familiar
to him.
 
 
The woman average height, dark long brown hair smiled at Ian as she spoke to
him. “You can say that, but here. Your guy told me to give you this if you came
by here.” The lady says as she hands Ian a note.
 
 
Ian took the note from her carefully as he spoke. “Mickey gave you this?” Ian
asked her.
 
 
She nodded her head at him as she response to Ian. “Yup! Said something about
you not remember exactly where you should be, and figured you would come here
first instead of the place he wanted you to go to. He also said for me to give
you this and to tell you and I quote him as he said this. “Read the fucking
note carefully Red!”” She said laughing. “Man that guys is something else, but
he said you’re worth it and if I can help him. Plus he did remember me unlike
you who didn’t!” The woman said to him smiling fondly at Ian.
 
 
Ian looked up at her for a moment, than remembers who she was. “Oh shit; you
were our waitress that night weren’t you?” Ian asked her as she nodded her
head. “Meg. Yeah that’s right your name is Meg! Shit I’m sorry I didn’t
recognize you.”
 
 
Meg shrugged her shoulders “Eh it’s okay. I mean I was the one you talk to
before coming here and made sure you guys had a place to sit an all.” She said
teasing Ian with a smile on her face. “But yeah, that’s me.” She said to him
 
 
“So Mickey just gave you this?” Ian asked again
 
 
“Yup, and said for you to continue on and find him. Something about it being
special and that you would know where to find him with these clues.” Meg said
gesturing to the Note Ian had in his hand.
 
 
Ian nodded his head and smile up at Meg as he read the note to himself.
“Thanks! aAnd-thanks again. You know for this and whatever the fuck he is
doing.”
 
 
“No problems lover boy. You guys come back sometimes okay” she said with a
smile on her face to Ian as he left.
 
 
Ian turned back around and smiled at her. “Of course.” He said as he left the
bar.
 
 
Ian looks down at the note again. He reads it over again and over again to
himself and then out loud again once more.
“Ian
I_figured_you_would_come_here_first_since_this_was_the_place_where_we_went_out
to_eat. _But_I’m_not_here!_This_was_where_we_heard_our_song_yes,_but_Ian…Red
read_the_first_note_again_carefully._Now_remember_we_heard_this_song_at_the
restaurant/bar_and_smiled_at_one_another_listening_to_the_lyrics.
I_am_not_going_to_give_you_any_more_fucking_clues!_You_should_know_I’m_where
you_took_me_after_everything_was_done._We_laughed_and_joked_around_walking_hand
in_hand._I_had_the_best_time_here._I’m_at_the_place_where_you_took_me_and_made
me_smile_the_most._It’s_big,_wide,_spacious_and_beautiful_and_would_make_anyone
smile._Hurry_and_come_find_me!_You’re_good_at_finding_me._Remember?
Ps._I_turned_the_GPS_off_on_my_phone!_So_no_Fucking_cheat…dick
Love_you.”
 
Ian smiled and laughed to himself at that last part again. He did try to find
Mickey on his GPS tracker but with no success, and now he knows why. With that,
Ian stood in the parking lot thinking of that night again replaying the events
of what happened that evening, after eating at the their meal and drinking a
few drinks at the bar.
 
 
After eating their meal and having a few drinks, Mickey and Ian made their way
on foot to Ian’s next destination. They walked hand in hand down the street
without a care in the world. Their next stop was the mall. It was about 2
blocks away from where they parked the motorcycle at and Ian was excited. He
really wanted this date to be mind-blowing and one that Mickey would never
forget. Ian knew exactly where he was taking Mickey too so this was a date that
Mickey would remember always no matter what. Corny as it might be, but very
different in his eyes. So when they got to the mall Ian led Mickey to the one
place he knew Mickey would have never suspected Ian would take him to.
 
 
Ian was taking the lead in walking and Mickey was just following along not
really paying much attention. That was until Mickey stopped because he and Ian
stopped in front of store; a store that Mickey didn’t think was for them. Ian
smiling brightly at the store and at Mickey as he turned to look at him, all
the while as Mickey looked around in shock. “Ian? What the fuck are we doing
here?” Mickey asked Ian.
 
 
Ian laughed and walked straight inside the open area of the store turning
around walking backwards as he answered Mickey. “We! My loving boyfriend, are
here to choose one of those and build a bear! All the while having fun, then
after words we’re hitting up the arcade that’s in this mall and showing all
those little fuckers how to play a real game.” Ian said proudly.
 
 
Mickey was still in shock and was shaking his head at Ian. “Ian. I’m not going
in their…” Mickey said and then walked to Ian speaking to him a low voice. “I’m
not building a fucking bear Ian! That shits for kids, we’re fucking adults!”
Mickey said with no heat behind his voice, but Ian could tell he was
embarrassed.
 
 
Ian gave Mickey a deadpan look. “Really? Says the guy who still plays video
games every chance he gets, and don’t think I don’t know about that little
stuff bear you have in the closet because I do.” Ian said to Mickey. Just as
Mickey was about to come out and say something back, Ian cuts him off before he
even could. “Besides, this will be our bear. Like our love child, and plus
look.” Ian said gesturing to the other kinds of stuffers. “You can make like a
Batman Bear, Ninja Turtle ones, a pony if you into to that (Mickey hit Ian on
the arm as he laughed at him when he said that) or look they got Star Wars, and
a smiling Monkey. Oh look they got Sonic, the Minions, oh man look at this!”
Ian said happily too excited himself. “Toothless! Mick it’s Toothless! Come on,
you can’t say no to Toothless!” Ian said smiling directly at him.
 
 
Mickey looked at Ian, laughed at first but then smiled at him. “Okay, okay.
Let’s build one of these fucking things.” Mickey said sighing as Ian went ahead
to go pick out which form of bear to build. He still had Toothless in his hand,
so Mickey figured he wasn’t letting go of that one. Mickey went to one of the
plan light brown bears and smiled at it. He looked back at Ian who smiled at
him showing him he wanted Toothless. Mickey went up to Ian. “You do know that
so far this is not only the most weirdness fucking date I’ve been on, but one
of the funniest.” Mickey said amusingly.
 
 
“Oh yeah” Ian said shocking humorously at Mickey, giving him a wink.
 
 
Mickey licked his lips and shook his head at Ian. “Oh yeah, just that you know?
You kind of lost points buddy.” Mickey said as he pats Ian on the back and goes
to the second of de-stuffed teddy bears.
 
 
“Did I now?” Ian said teasingly.
 
 
“Yeah, yah did. But see. You can get them back! But only if we can get more
than one bear; I want this one as well as the Toothless.” Mickey said motioning
to the light brown classic bear.    
 
 
Ian smiled at Mickey brightly. He was really happy Mickey like his idea of
coming into the Build-a-Bear shop in the mall. “Anything for you Mick.” Ian
said heartily.   Just then Ian and Mickey heard the song playing again.
 
“I could not ask for more than this time with you 
Every prayer has been answered 
Every dream I have's come true 
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be 
Here with you here with me 
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive”
 
 
 
“This fucking song again. Man I think the universe is telling us something”
Mickey said to Ian smiling at him as he goes to have the lady where the
stuffing station was at for the bear.
 
 
 
“Oh yeah, and what’s that smart ass?” Ian asked Mickey
 
 
 
“That we need to hurry up, get out of here, so I can whoop your ass in some
video games!” Mickey said laughing as he made his way to the stuffing station
of the store.
 
 
 
 After building their bear, which to say was one hell of an experience. After
picking the bear out they went to the (love me) second and picked a heart for
their bear. After picking the heart they had an opinion of having their bear
say something to them.  Ian secretly already made one for Mickey to go into his
bear. Mickey made one and gave it to Ian so he can use it for the Toothless.
After that they went to stuffing their bears. It was an interesting process to
say the least. Because once their bears where stuff, they were supposed to go
to the (fluff me) part of the bear, but Mickey gave Ian a look that just told
him no. They got their bears an outfit. Ian couldn’t get his Toothless anything
much to wear but the harness that goes with him. Mickey actually took a bit
looking around and found a pair of pants and shirt for his bear. Ian had
secretly got Mickeys Bear a batman outfit. It went with the bear and plus
whenever Mickey does decided to squeeze his bear; he’ll get a deep voice of Ian
saying “I’m Batman!” After everything was done Mickey had a big smile on his
face. He loved making the bear with Ian even though he would never admit it he
loved their date and couldn’t have asked for more. Mickey was touched at the
gesture Ian did for him. Everything to him was just perfect for them. He was
thankful for everything so far and the night was just getting better and better
every time. Afterword’s both men went head to the arcade, where they dominated
in almost every game they played in. Going toe to toe with one another on
classic games, new games anything they could play they played. Even tried to
make the other mess up a few times but it was fun. Some games Ian won, some
Mickey won, but they enjoyed themselves and laughed at having just a good fun
time. After staying at the arcade for a while Mickey and Ian left and went back
to where they had parked the motorcycle to head home or so as Mickey thought.
Once they reached the parking lot Ian took over and got on the bike first
waiting for Mickey.
 
 
“I thought I was driving man?” Mickey said to Ian
 
 
“Nope! I got one more place to go, and that babe is a secret.” Ian said smiling
at Mickey.
 
 
Ian smiled remembering that day like it was yesterday. “I know where I have to
go.” Ian said to himself as he made his way back to his car. Driving off to the
one destination he knew Mickey had to be waiting for him.
 
                                     *****
Ian had parked his car two blocks away from the Peer. He knew Mickey had to be
here!  One because this is where he made, (well not so much made if you
consider giving Mickey a pouty face) him and Mickey dance to that one song.
That one song, it was that song that they both kept hearing all day and evening
long when they were out on their date. It was like it was faith telling them
something.
 
“Ian what are you doing?” Mickey asked as Ian was on his phone looking for
something. They had arrived at the peer and walked more towards the deck of the
peer. No one was around but them.  Ian had road the motorcycle on to the peer
docks and parked it, which Mickey thought must’ve had to been illegal maybe,
but he wasn’t going to say a thing. It was a beautiful night and Ian had just
one thing in mind. It wasn’t part of his plan, but he thought it would make
tonight even more special for him and Mickey.
 
“I’m just looking for something hold on” Ian said. Once he found what he was
looking for, he smiled brightly at Mickey. “Well I did tell you, that this
night was going to be one night you will always remember right?” Ian mentioned
to Mickey.
 
“Yeah.” Mickey responded cautiously to Ian question. “Why? What the fuck are
you up to Ian?” Mickey asked his boyfriend.
 
“Well. So it may seem to me. That it just so happens that I believe in destiny.
And I believe that this song” Ian said as he presses play while he continues to
talk to Mickey. “Was meant for us. I mean come on Mickey listen to the song.
Like really listen to it. How can it not be about us?” Ian said grabbing
Mickeys hand and tries to start dancing with him.
 
Mickey shakes his head “Oh no, no fucking way are you making me dance Red.
Noooope, not-happening man.” Mickey said as he tries to stop Ian from dancing.
 
“Oh come on Mick. It’s a good song, and it’s just us!” Ian said as a matter of
fact and looks around. No was around but them. “Plus! It would make this date
the best of all.”
 
Mickey looks around and then back at Ian. He so wanted to punch Ian, either in
the face or gut. Yet he also wanted to kiss him and hold him forever. This was
actually cute and out of the box (No pun intended), even for him. Mickey huff
out a sigh and nods his head playfully at Ian. “Fine, just don’t step on me
okay?” Mickey said to Ian.
 
Ian smiles at Mickey as he grabs his hand and both men start dancing to the one
song that would be their song forever.
 
 Ian gets out of his car and walks up to that same peer he took Mickey to on
their first date every. He looks around and sees no one, Mickey was nowhere in
sight.  He sighs to himself trying hard to figure out where his boyfriend could
be at. He turns around and hears music playing softly near him somewhere. He
turns around again to find a little LED light on the floor making a walk way
path. He walks towards it and sees there is a note on the ground.  Ian picks up
the note and reads it:
“Hey_Red
You’re_close,_like_really_close._So_if_you_want_to._Come_find_me!_I_would_say
you’re_hot_but_right_now_you’re_warm.
Love_you_and_truly_yours,
Mick
 
Ian smiles down at the note. He folds it like the rest of the notes he had from
that evening and carefully places it in his pocket with the rest of the other
notes. Ian continues on walking, not to far just a few inches away and sees
flowers on the floor. Different flower on the floor and he hears that song. It
was the same song playing over and over again. Ian just smiles to himself. He
walks over more towards the floors on the docks of the peer and stops. There on
the floor is yet another note. Ian laughs to himself and picks up the note
along with some of the flowers on the floor.
 
“Hi_Baby!
Well?_Turn_Around!”
 
Was all it said on the note; Ian smiles again, and turns around to see the most
stunning man he has ever laid eye upon. Mickey was leaning up against the edge
of the docks smiling at Ian. He was wearing his leather jacket light blue jean
that fit just right, his Black boots, and his white v-neck t-shirt. His hair
was styled spiked up, he was only wearing his ear ring and yes he had a light
coat of eyeliner on his eyes that made them bright as the night skies. Tonight,
just like every night Mickey looked amazing and just as breathe taking as ever
to Ian.  Ian was lost for words as Mickey makes his way over to Ian.
 
 
Just for a few moments, each man looks at one another. It was as if the world
stop and it was just them two. As if the world outside meant nothing to them
just as long as they had one another. And in these moments both men looked at
each other with love, devotion, happiness and hope. “What you’re touching is a
Gladiolus flower. That flower means strength, faithfulness and honor.” Mickey
started saying as he walked towards Ian slowly and pointing at the next flowers
that Ian has in his hands as he talk to him. “The other is heathers but the
Lavender one means admiration, solitude and beauty, and the white heather means
protections and indicates that apparently wishes do come true.” Mickey then
bends down and hands Ian two different color Carnation flowers one red and one
white.
 
 
“What are these?” Ian asked Mickey in an innocent voice, yet he was looking at
him in a whole new light. It was as if he was falling even more in love with
Mickey.
 
 
“These are carnations. And each carnation reflects something specifically that
reflects a form of love.” Mickey simply said to Ian look at him and not once
taking his eyes away from him.
 
 
“Yeah?” Ian asked as if his breath was taken away just be being next to mickey
alone.
 
 
“Yeah!” Mickey responded to Ian and continues on talking. “See the red
carnation is a symbol of deep love, while the counterpart of this white one.”
Mickey said looking at it for a second then back at Ian as he spoke. “The white
one means undying devotion.” Mickey said. “I didn’t want to use roses at first
for this, but what can I say? I’m trying to be all romantic and shit.” Mickey
said laughing as Ian laughed with him
 
 
Ian looked around and smiled while saying “Well so far so good from what I can
see.”
 
 
“Yeah?” Mickey asked and looked around shyly “you really think so?” He asked
Ian again.
 
 
“Oh yeah! Now all you need is to make me cry and I think it will be a real
winner here to be honestly.” Ian said jokingly looking at the floor noticing
more different flowers. It was beautiful really, with the LED lights and the
night sky being bright with stars all around them. The Ocean you could hear the
waves crashing against the waters and it was perfect. The song was playing on
repeat and Ian had to wonder why’s tonight’s date such a special one for him
and Mickey. What did he deserve have this? To have such a wonderful man come
into his life and still be here after everything that has happened between
them.
 
The song plays and says (Looking in your eyes. Seeing all I need)
 
“Oh yeah? Is that a challenge red?” Mickey asked Ian, who just shrugged his
shoulders in response. “Okay well this here.” Mickey said as he bends down and
grabs two different roses from the floor that were next to the other flowers.
“See back in the days. Roses were used as a symbol for true love. Some will let
you believe that it was always red roses that did this but it wasn’t.  Red
roses later became like a fucking hallmark for love, but originally it was
white roses. Bridal roses are usually white roses and still are in some
traditional weddings, which is why many people use them still in weddings.”
Mickey said looking. His eyes said so much that it took your breath away. You
could see nothing but love and devotions was all he had for Ian.
 
 
Ian looked back at Mickey with those same eyes as Mickey had for him. Love,
devotion, faithfulness, and hope all in one. “That’s interesting.” Ian said
looking down at the flowers then back at Mickey.
 
 
“Yeah it is…now you see this.” Mickey said as he reacted for the one blue rose
Ian had in his hand. “Now this blue rose. Blue roses are said to be often seen
in literature and art as a symbol of love, prosperity and immortality.” Mickey
said
 
 
“Immortality?” Ian asked curiously.
 
“Yup! Immortality and love and all that shit.” Mickey said smiling.
 
 
Ian looks around on the floor and sees all the different flowers that Mickey
has told him about and yet he’s still confused as to what Mickey is doing. “You
know a lot about flowers.” Ian said amusingly.
 
 
“Yeah well that’s one of the things that one of my alters love to do, which was
odd but eh fuck it right.” Mickey said chuckling.
 
 
“Which one?” Ian asked curiously
 
 
“You wouldn’t believe if I told you” Mickey said to Ian. Ian gestured for
Mickey to tell him and Mickey laughed and said “Richard!”
 
 
“No way!” Ian said shockingly
 
 
“Yup I swear!” Mickey said laughing “He likes to garden, and he well, I mean we
know all about this shit and bugs and stuff. Let me guess you figured he was
just a stuck up asshole right?” Mickey said to Ian laughing as Ian nodded his
head yes. Mickey smiled shyly at Ian and looked down at the floor “Do you
like?” He asked Ian feel slightly self-conscious.  His cheeks were turning red
and he was nibbling on his bottom lip.
 
Ian smiled at Mickey softly and said. “I love it.” Then Ian heard the song
playing again on repeat and looked at Mickey.
 
(Everything you are is everything to me 
These are the moments 
I know heaven must exist 
These are the moments I know all I need is this 
I have all I've waited for 
And I could not ask for more 

I could not ask for more than this time together 
I could not ask for more than this time with you 
Every prayer has been answered 
Every dream I have's come true 
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be 
Here with you here with me) 
 “Songs on repeat.”  Ian said to Mickey smiling at him
 
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive 
These are the moments I'll remember all my life 
I've got all I've waited for 
And I could not ask for more 

“Yeah.” Was all Mickey said as he walks up to Ian and grabs his hand placing it
on the side of his waist while he grabs his other hand and holds it. “That
night you took me here.” Mickey began to say. “Will always be the night that I
will always remember.” Mickey said he and Ian started to dance to the song
slowly. Ian was looking down at Mickey as Mickey was look up at him. “That
night for me was the night that I knew. It scared me but I knew.”
 
 
“Knew what?” Ian asked
 
 
“I knew I wanted to yours for the rest of my life.” Mickey said as he leans up
and kisses Ian passionately as if it was all the words and all the love in the
world put into that kiss. Once Ian and Mickey break away, Mickey walks
backwords having Ian follow him. Mickey stops Ian and Mickey points to
something behind Ian. Ian turns around to see what it was. When he sees nothing
but the view of flowers shaped in a heart, and the Led lights along with the
candles that say something Ian didn’t notice before. Ian looks at the display
and is stunned. He turns around and looks at Mickey who is standing their
holding a box with a ring in it. “Do you remember that night you brought me
here?” Mickey said and all Ian can do is smile while nodding his head at
Mickey.
 
 
All Ian could do was look at Mickey and smile. He felt like he needed to
reassure Mickey, especially with what just happen and with what he was going to
do next. “You know I won’t let any fucking thing happen to you!  No matter what
Mick You’re it for me…Even when you fucking make me mad to a point I just want
to kick your ass.” Ian said to Mickey and just Mickey snorted at Ian when he
said that. Both men laughed looking at each other. “But living without you is
not an opinion…not in this life or the next or the one after that.” Ian said
and kissed Mickey as he and Mickey were moving side to side.
 
 
Mickey smiled at Ian. “God you’re such a fucking sap!” Mickey said chucking.
“Yeah well I’m pretty fucking sure I’m hooked on you Gallagher!” Mickey said
smiling back at Ian.  “No matter what I’m yours.” Mickey whispered to Ian
closing the space between them with a kiss. “I’m still yours even when I want
to punch you in your fucking face… you make a guy crazy you know that.” Mickey
said smiling up at Ian.
 
 
Ian had a playful smiling shocked face “What? Me? With my charming-“
 
 
“You? Charming; god you’re fucking ego complex is up their man.” Mickey said
while laughing.
 
 
“I have you now and I am a very understanding person! I’m charming and I’m very
patient.” Ian started say listing things off.
 
 
“God what is it that makes you like crazy guys huh? …Am I that irritable to
you?” Mickey asked jokingly at Ian.
 
 
“Mick?” Ian said with a sigh.
 
 
“No tell me! I just professed my love to you and all that shit. So I wanna
know?” Mickey asked ignoring Ian tone of voice. He knew Ian didn’t like it when
he talked bad about himself, but making fun of his mental health was one of the
ways Mickey was able to deal with it.
 
 
“You’re not crazy babe.” Was all Ian said to Mickey; he really wanted Mickey to
know that he wasn’t damaged or crazy or anything of that sort. It was a working
progress, but Ian would eventually get through to Mickey. He knows he will.
 
 
“Hmm Eccentric then? Would that be better> Yeah that would be a good way to
describe me I think? You know the whole creating another person and having them
fall in love with you. Just too then get myself together as a one person again
just to end up falling in love with you anyways.” Mickey said to Ian giving him
that ‘I am right’ face.
 
 
Ian smiled at Mickey. “Yeah well you were created just for me then. Because
only I can love you to the moon and back again.” Ian said lovingly.
 
 
“I was created for just you.” Mickey said as Ian was brought out from his
memory of that night at the peer with Mickey. Mickey was standing a few feet
away now from Ian smiling at him as he huff out in a laughter. “I remember what
I said to you when you said you loved me to the moon and back. I said “Ay good
fucking one I love you to ass.” Mickey said to Ian.
 
 
Then both Mickey and Ian finished the sentence together from the memory of that
night “You’re such a sap you know that?” Both men smiled at each other. “Yeah,
I told you that and then across over there.” Mickey pointed out to the other
side if the peer. “There was a group of young teenagers playing the same
fucking song we were hearing all fucking day!” Mickey said laughing “And! I
mean I’m not one for faith or anything but come on! We just started dating I
just broke up officially with Colt more like left his ass at the rehearsal
party. I was going to therapy and giving you shit, pushing you away and yet…”
Mickey said trailing off. For a moment he said nothing and Ian made no movement
either. Mickey was just silent for a moment and all he was doing was looking at
Ian with glassy eyes. Then he spoke again. “Yet…… You still wanted me?” Mickey
said more than asked Ian.  “You know sometimes I wonder why? Then you remind me
why, and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you. But you see Ian it took me
a while. God it took me a long time Ian. A long fucking time, but I woke up.
And now I can’t live without you. I can’t breathe sometimes and that scares the
shit out of me! I didn’t even want to be alive I didn’t even want to me be here
anymore and now all I do is look for that smile on your face every single
fucking day. The touch I look for and keep wanting every fucking time you’re
near me is unreal. All I want to do is wake up next to you every day for the
rest of my life. I want to argue and tell you you’re an asshole, I want you to
call me on my bullshit, I want you to be there for me when I feel like I have
no one else, I want to be there for you whenever you need me. I want you to
tell me I’m being stupid and-and I want to know how your day is going! I want
to worry about you when you go to work at night or come home late because I
love you. I love everything about you that makes you, you. And do you know
why?” Mickey asked Ian who just shook his head at Mickey. Mickey smiled as he
answered his own question. “I know you know why. But thanks for trying to
flatter me.” Mickey said smiling at Ian. “It’s because I am utterly and
incredibly in love with you. I see you and I see my life. I see you and I know
I don’t need anything more because for the first time in my life. Ian for the
first time in my life I know that there is some good in this world. I know for
a fact that you were made for me and I was made for you.” Mickey said as he let
a few tears come out of his eyes.  “I know that actually pure love and goodness
in this fucked up world we live in does exist. It exists because I have you.”
Mickey said breathing out trying to control himself.
 
 
“Now I’m not one for religion so much, but I thank god every fucking day for
you. He sent me you yet somehow the universe worked its way around because
you.” Mickey said poking at Ian’s heart. “You’re that half that was missing
from me all along. The only thing that keeps me alive and wanting to be alive
and grow old with you and adopt a kid or two and show them what it’s like to
feel love, is because for once in my life I know what that feeling really truly
is. What it truly feels like. Ian, I look in your eyes and I see it every day
that I’m with you. I see the love and I see my life. For the first time in a
long time, I see life. So Ian what I’m asking you is. Will you let me look in
your eyes forever and the rest of our lives? Will you spend every waking day
with me till we breathe out our last breath and feel our last touch that will
last for eternity? Ian fucking Gallagher will you marry me Ian?” Mickey said
smiling with tears in his eyes.
 
Ian nods his head as he answer Mickey “Yes-yes-fucking yes a thousand times
yes!” Ian said has he goes and kisses Mickey like it’s the last thing he will
ever do on this earth. Once they break apartment from the kiss they lean their
foreheads together smiling at one another. Mickey then takes Ian’s left hand
and slides on the white gold band on his ring finger.
 
It was perfect. It fit just perfectly. Just like Ian was for him, a perfect
man, who was made for him. A man who Mickey thanked god every day for because
of these moments like this was what he was waiting for. He couldn’t ask for
more, because there was nothing more needed. Everything Ian was is everything
he needs and it was all that he waited for.
Chapter End Notes
     Ps. Soooooooo
     The song is from Edwin McCain I could not ask for more. Here's the
     link if you guys want to listen to it which I think you should.
     https://youtu.be/ZPXRJkla7fI
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPXRJkla7fI
     I dedicated this song to my baby and sang it as well. This song spoke
     to me while writing this chapter and for me I think it speaks Ian and
     Mickey personally for my story. Or any story when you think about it.
     But that's my opinion.
      
     xoxoxo
     Mecha
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